September 2025

Monday, September 1, 2025 

Fear. What else is new? Now hearing myself talk without my upper teeth scared me. All things scared me. Every little thought brought on a awful frisson of fear, worry and depression, sharp, searing. 

Ha ha, dentists say that the first few days after having clear braces, the voice sounds funny. The first few days after brace removal, the voice sounds funny too. 

"When your mind doesn't actually have information, it will make, sh*t, up." HealthyGamerGG, YouTube 

This describes the R complex. The wording he used. Genius poet. 

When in anxiety and panic attack, the executive function shuts down. 

My friend once said, "People talk like they got an encyclopedia in front of them and they're reading from it when all it is, is just more guesses."

During massive, that is, massive anxiety attacks, this is happening big time. Guessing sh*t. All of it wrong of course. I mean, as if I have a medical degree. 

Having no upper teeth. I feel deformed. 

Having no upper teeth feels like a crime. Hence the fear. 

It feels rather insectoid to the point of Kafkaesque. The metamorphosis. Die Verwandlung. 

New things like this will take awhile to get used to until it becomes the new normal. One day, I will barely remember the days when I had my upper teeth. But now, the memory is still fresh 

Eating sushi certainly helped. 

I think it's a miracle because two days ago, I really believed that I would never be able to eat sushi ever again. 

Not eating all day can cause anxiety, conflated with newly missing upper teethcreates a multiple stressor. 

One day, I'll be happy again. It's about cycles and balance. 

I'm feeling on edge. I wonder if I have brain damage. 

"I think I have brain damage."

"Brain damage nothing. You have a tongue sharp enough to cut the lawn." Emily Carr in England 

The good news is this is when the dynamic shifts. If I'm still alive in a month, two months with all my upper teeth, I would see that as normal. If I'm still alive in two months with my upper teeth missing, that will be a miracle. The happiness I will feel is directly proportional to the amount of time elapsed. 

You feel depression because you've once known bliss. 

You feel bliss because you've once known depression. 

I could reinvent myself as an uber German. I need to have a long blonde wig like Thranduil or Cerembor of Lod of the Rings if not color my hair as it is blonde. Then I need a black blazer, black slacks and white dress shirt and black formal shoes. To complete the ensemble of an über German, one would need a Mercedes Benz and living in a nice house in the West Side can do it. 

In this life because the physics of this dimension have always since day one been politicized and weaponized against us, I won't be able to achieve that. However, in the afterlife, I can totally achieve that. Something like that can be a yantra or a visual mantra. I can just visualize myself as a rich uber German to the tune of Depeche Mode, Enjoy the Silence. 

What a fuck*ng Polack. 

Polack mentality. 

"That's classic drug addict behaviour." Dr Drew Pinsky

That's classic Pollack behaviour. 

Poland and Germany sign a treaty. Poland sees Germany attacking all these other countries but leave their borders undefended because of the treaty. Guess what. Germany attacks. 

One Polack I know locks his room door even when he goes to the washroom for five minutes. Then one day he ends out his keys to two meth head girls. 

Another Pollack, a she-Pollack, has a nice car. But drives it all the time to some scuzzy sleazy hole-in-corner food line. Slumming. That's like pulling up in a Mercedes to the welfare one up. 

They're just kids who want to have some fun. 

So tonight the Pollack loses his keys and he asks me for the hotel main door key. He's been gone for over half an hour. Why didn't he ask one of the other neighbours? 

God damned Polack. What a fuck*ng Polski. 

A Polack brings a car door to the beach on a hot day. Why? If it gets too hot, he can always roll down the window. 

The Polack has been gone for awhile now. What a fuck*ng Polack. He probably went to his meth head girlfriends apartment. She probably stole his keys. Fuck*ng stupid Polack. 

Just after 4 in the morning, I woke up, I got my key back. I found it near the door of my room. He did say he'd return it. It could have been returned hours ago. He didn't knock before returning it. That Wojecki returned my house key. 

East Indians pre 1947 fought for an independent India rather than a British colony. So what do they do? Move to Canada which is a British colony. Talk about taking a step backwards going from a country that is racially genuine, a country that is colorful vibrant and exotic where they are masters in their own land, a racial majority to a backwater British colony where they are a viable minority. 

Pre 1947, although India was a British colony, East Indians were still the racial majority there. Then for the to move from a then independent country to a British colony where this time they are a visible minority. Not thinking things through.....

BC is a Province with some kind of megalomania. A single detached house costs $1.5 million, a small shoebox condo costs $650,000. In New Brunswick, a single detached house costs $550,000 which is reasonable and what houses should cost in BC without the wild west speculation, money laundering and general overall mismanagement. Getting a house in BC is like paying $50 for a $20 pair of jeans. And New Brunswick doesn't have a delinquent area like the downtown eastside that BC does. New Brunswick sounds like a place that has less delinquency on average than British Columbia. 

I shouldn't think of them as delinquent. To give credit where credit is due. A lot of stories of kindness happened. One time, a so called meth head delinquent but that person wasn't that at all, could be into meth, but also an angel or at least a Saint, gave me a nice blazer that I could wear to Court. Another time, a street person found a jacket that I would have otherwise lost. 

People living on the streets, sleeping rough, go through a life that would give most people severe anxiety. Yet they are able to do it. They could be superhuman. They are very brave and very resourceful people. They are some of the best people around for that reason. Such people have a lot to teach. 

I often say a prayer,  "Thank you God for blessing and protecting people living on the streets. May they find the happy future that they are looking for." 

Tuesday, September 2, 2025 

Missing all of the upper teeth feels strange, even scary at first. Yeah, that's because if a person is vain and somewhat narcissistic to begin with. 

"It's been with me so long that I don't know anything else." Lt Ripley, Alien 3

Memories of having my upper teeth are still fresh. One day, I won't really remember. 

A person can experience anxiety even during good events. It's an embarrassment of riches. Except that it's not called anxiety. A person who all of a sudden finds themself in a five star hotel. They would experience slight depersonalization and derealization. 

Anxiety is half mental and half physiological so thinking alone won't get a person through it. A person must also inhale deeply for three seconds, hold for 3 seconds. And then exhale for 6 seconds. In times of genuine stress, it is very important to breathe out for twice as long as you breathe in. As one exhale, they will feel a distinct but pleasant slight burning just beneath their sternum. That's the stress leaving the body in an involuntary way as the vagus nerve or the parasympathetic nervous system is activated.

A person can psyche themself into anxiety with crazy made up thoughts and they can breathe themself into anxiety through half apneated, shallow breaths. 

A person can think themself out of anxiety through reminding themself that they are just making stuff up and don't actually have the facts, where's the evidence, and millions of other people went through the same thing and they're fine, and one can breathe themself out of anxiety through breathing in for four seconds, hold for three seconds and breathing out for eight seconds. Do it so it feels natural not strained or strived for, as if it's already there naturally. Which it is. 

And also relax all the muscles. Place yourself in a situation where there is relief, practice method acting, being told that a person who you thought was going to die, recovered really well. And breath like, "Whew!"  That tells the mind that all is fine. 

Or place yourself walking out of the probation office after the last time of being required to report. For all people on probation, that day is coming down the pike in a few months. 

Breathe, exhale deeply, as if that was happening. 

I hope to encounter a chapter in my life where I am always happy even in spite of myself. Every day, I see angel signs in this town. Angels are looking out for me but also for every single good person in this world. 

I hope to get a Cuisinart. Then I could throw in a steak, liquify it and drink it. I have no upper teeth now. 

That's kind of like finding a morphine sulfate pill, melting it down and shooting it. Uh, no, not really. 

Quantum Void popped up as a video recommendation on YouTube. Somehow I just knew about it. Costs $11. Very impressive. Intense. Profound. And for this price. Originally, it was $13.99. Two hours later it was $15.99 or was it always $15.99 misremembered as $13.99?  

With a 30% off, I got it for $11.59 If I got it for $13.99, the price with the discount would have been $9.78. It would be about $2.70 difference. Whatever. 

Anyways worth it. I am just simply impressed. No AI was used. The game is completely handmade. 

Meta Quest 3. Quantum Void Update. Hottest VR app. 

Get it soon. I can see this app being a $40 app. More updates get added and the price increases. If you get it at an early price, you get the upgrades free as some kind of grandfather clause. They must have added an upgrade to explain the $2 price increase. 

This game is so profound that it blows my hair back. It's that good. Whew! 

However my grasp of mathematics as you can see is not as profound. 

Base price minus 30% discount plus tax. That's the formula. 

Wednesday, September 3, 2025 

I still think back to that sleazy scuzzy couple. That guy who said the Apple iTag was his and the girl who asked to borrow my broom. Profoundly sleazy and scuzzy. That guy is a major compulsive thief kleptomania. I amagine him going to grocery stores in trenchcoats and stuffing steaks under the trenchcoat and going into years and swiping things in an industrial level. 

He saw my bag with the things I use to water plants. He picks it up and the Apple iTag falls out. What's this? He asks. 

The a few minutes later, Hepicks up the bag again. What was going through his leprous scuzzy mind was, "If he had a Apple iTag, what else does he have in there?" I said that's my bag. He said he didn't know that. Sure, he just picked it up five minutes ago and I was talking to him about it. He was rummaging through it to see what else he could steal. 

That's the forces of life. I generate the energy of helping the Courthouse. In return, the forces of life sends me two inbred cracker delinquent scuzzy sleazy @ssholes. I wish I could kill that guy. People like that are useless and I think he will go to hell when he dies surrounded with people who are all the likes of him. Some scuzzy hell realm. That guy doesn't look like he's long for this World anyways. 

That lady was really sleazy. In this dimension, for a man, 2/3 of all women are not worth knowing. For a woman, 3/4 of all men are not worth knowing. 

In the afterlife in heaven under the physics of that dimension, 100% of all people truly are worth knowing. In this dimension under its physics, its not even close to that. 

That Presbyterian Church is a cult. My objective is to eventually stop going there. 

If I were to send them a letter, it would say, 

"When I don't go there. People from there ask me why I don't go. If you didn't go for awhile, I wouldn't go to your workplace and ask you why you don't go. The thing is, those culty cuktists go to the Courthouse grounds where I work and ask me why I don't go. It's like some frenzy. When I don't go, they get desperate because there aren't a lot of people going there anyways but when I go there, I'm a draw. 

I'm a person who is real. So I become a real battery for those vampires. Convert convert convert. 

To them I'm some colorful inconsequential who amuses them when they're in the mood. Or otherwise I'm a foil. I'm really smart and talented, more talented than them. Yet they are living in richer houses and when they see me, they remember that. 

I really don't have much in common with them. Fundamentalist Christianity is very limited and circumscribed and regimented and doesn't go outside a certain repetitive loop, ever. 

They don't talk about things like the physics of this dimension vs that of the afterlife. They don't talk of the different time dynamic that the afterlife operates in and how exactly it works. 

That's because, ha ha, fundamentalist religion is somewhat anachronistic entities that are completely wrapped up in and wired to the phsyics of this dimension so much so that they depend on it for their income. 

I didn't choose to come to Canada. I was brought here as a child without consultation and without informed consent which would look like:

Would you rather stay in China where you are one of the rscial majority in a country that is at the technological vanguard in the World, state of the art futuristic and rockshow with safe orderly streets or go to the West where inbred Alfred E Neuman fsced crackers are referring to you as visible minority and BIPOC in a country that is backwater, feeling like you've taken a step backwards and a sh*show with picaresque streets saturated with delinquents. It's a tough call, isn't it? 

A Chinese person who has been in the West and was referred to as visible minority, when they go to China, they would appreciate being one of the rwcial majority a lot more than the locals would. 

And if I went there, they would know that I would know that they would know that I was born there. This type of dreamcraft resonance simply would not happen for me in the West. 

If I don't go there for awhile, are they coercing me to go there? 

I think so. When I say no, or make a face, they always ignore that face. I am very sensitive to faces. If I see someone make a face, I don't bother, I don't push. But they do because they are middle class delinquents with their middle class delinquency. They never take the first no as an answer. They always push. Oh, come on, etc. Which is another sign of their ignorance. 

And when I say, I think you're trying to coerce me to go thrre. They say, No, that's just your perception. 

That's gaslighting, do you understand? Gas lighting is denying another person's validity or reality with casual offhand dismissals. But, ha ha, they've been doing that to each other for years. If I wasn't born, they would have been doing that to someone else at about this time. Someone else wasn't born and they did that to me. 

They are squares with whom I don't have much in common with. 

Lots of lots of Christian Churches are like that. Their attendance is declining. The Catholic Church in town seems to be full of people, bursting at the seams, and even with me there, that Protestant Church is alwaus chronically underattended. Why is that so? Catholicism is better. Catholicism actually does things for their parishioners. Find them a job, find them a partner. Protestant Churches have a link to Puritanism and Puritan mentality that the Protestants simply don't. A person can go to a Protestant Church unemployed and single and ten years later still be unemployed and single. Go to a Catholic Church, ten years later, you have a partner and a job. Catholics are the Worlds biggest landowners. Protestant Churches are too divided and schismatic to own much of any and compared to the Catholics which is why the Catholics can provide in a way that Protestants simply can not. 

Catholicism is the better religion. In terms of providing for their parishioners, they are way better, way way better than sleepy hole-in-corner Protestant Churches. 

Catholicism is the OG Christianity anyways. Protestantism is just a crackpot knock off brand of Catholicism. 

Protestsntism doesn't have a Vatican. Catholicism seems like a more cohesive more unified religion. Protestantism seems like a disparate and scattered religion in comparison. 

However, Pastor Joel Osteen is the best Pastor in the World. You hear one of his sermons and always feel uplifted. Go to one of the local Churches, hear a sermon and walk out feeling weirded out. Compared to Pastor Joel Osteen, standard issue fundamentalist Christianity, be it Catholicism or Protestantism is rather dry. 

I used to go to Church and get the Sunday vibes. One thing is that I didn't smoke tobacco. When you don't smoke tobacco, your dream life is more vivid and you feel the Sunday vibes a lot stronger. I've only attended a few times Catholic Church. Protestant Churches, look at the stained glass windows, look at the patches of light reflected off floors, walls, furnishings and the spell takes hold. Feeling a bliss that is unimaginable on any other day of the week. It would be strong sometimes so strong that it feels like it's too much. 

However, Sunday night at midnight, listening to soft music, it's night time, it's dark, but remembering that earlier in the day, was the stained glass windows, and being at the Church with its exquisite atmospheric, one feels a sudden strong burst of the Sunday vibes. Even now I feel that. I felt that two Sundays ago. 

That's why they don't have to coerce me. I won't stay away for too long. 

Buddhism says something weird, be not too close and be not too far away. 

Be not too close means don't be st the point where you are pestering the Buddhist Priest all the time asking all kinds of spurious questions. Be not too far away. That's conversion and co-opting. They want to convert and co-opt as many people as they can. That's the predatory nature of religions or why else are they preying, I mean praying all the time? 

Religions don't go outside a certain line and are limited. There are steams of thought and spirituality that transcends institutional religion. The government anticipated that there would be such advanced people so there are bookstores such as Banyen books in Vancouver which is the best spiritual and metaphysical bookstore in the World and even in the entire Universe that talk about spirituality, approaches from all different religions each of which hold a truth that the other religions overlook, quantum physics and different spiritual practices, what really happens after one dies and not the dumbed down non specific treatise that fundamentalist religion offers as an answer to what happens, exactly after a person dies. 

Religions are what they are, you can't expect any more from what they are. 

A Mercedes goes quite fast but will never go as fast as an F-86 Sabre. Religions are like that. 

Let's face it. As you can see. I'm not perfect at all. I'm not as spiritual as a Priest at any Church be it Protestant or Catholic. My views are withered, twisted, gnarled and imperfect. A Priest is simply on another level compared with whatever the heck level I am on when it comes to spiritual understsnding and they are not as cynical, crusty and curmudgeonly as me. May the Priests of any religion see my imperfect state and ask God to guide me to a more appropriate understanding and comprehension of ecumenical faith. 

My faith isn't that strong. 

The faith of most of the parishioners at Church let alone the Priest is most likely stronger than my faith. A sign of faith is lack of worry. 

Worry is dismissing God's power and love. Oh, there's no God, it's just a chemical soup of random forces. A teapot in a Tempest. God, etc that's just an imaginary made up story. The truth is, we're all alone in the Universe and we're doomed. I mean the Earth is a tiny microscopic dot in vast oceans of outer space blackness in a Universe that is what, 93 billion light years wide! That's overwhelming. 

There's no forces greater than humanity or even that of all the Earth who is aware of us and watching over us. 

"There's nobody here but us chickens." That's Satanism, do you understand? 

Therefore I worry a lot so that means that I don't really have much faith compared to a Priest. However the best Priests are those who once had massive industrial grade crises of faith and overcame them. I've talked to Priests and they all seem more together, more calm, less worried, more certain about God than I am. 

I have too much doubt. How could I have doubt? I've had lots and lots of Royal dreams. God is with me. I had a lot of major dreams. Good ones too. 

Thank you God for guiding my steps. Thank you God for helping me find a way where I don't see a way. 

Meta Quest has two mew VR goggles revealed at launch 

Tiramisu, emphasises high resolution, 8K.

Boba, field of vision, 180 degrees horizontal, 120 degrees vertical. 

I would opt for clarity over field of vision. A larger field of vision leads to motion sickness. You don't need more field of vision to see a traditional flat screen movie. Adventures, travelling, military and golf and fishing could do well with a larger field of vision? 

Someone in comments said why not put the two together to start with? 

This is probably a social experiment to see what consumers would prefer and they would thus base their next VR goggles on that. 

The cost would probably be phenomenal. 

It is the difference between seeing a movie on the Big Screen App which is Boba and seeing a movie on the YouTube VR app which is Tiramisu. 

Big Screen has Arc Max. The scaling makes the screen much bigger than the YouTube VR app but the resolution is limited to 480. 

On the YouTube app, the definition is 1080! You notice the difference. The picture on the YouTube app is much sharper. 

On my LG Nano TV, the definition is 4K. It depends what medium you use. 

I'll always love you, Beebs. 

When I said that, the way my mouth flubbed when I said that, it sent a wave of fear through me. 

Anyways, I won't wear my dentures in public a lot of times. Dentures are better for social interactions but it's more comfortable not wearing it, like wearing a push-up bra. And I'm speaking from experience. No, I'm not, it's just a joke. 

The joke is in the school of the movie Two Weeks Notice. 

Sandra Bullock: I travel lightly. I only brought one pair of thong underwear. 

Hugh Grant: Same here. 

War Remains is a 12 minute $6 award winning VR presentation about Ww1. It's on for free on YouTube. It is only available on the Oculus Rift, not on the meta quest. 

Diggers VR may or may not be available on YouTube. 

Fear is based on what a person always tells themself. Especially if they are under the subjective perception that they are in the wrong country. 

One has to change that. You are in the right country. 

It is the little things, one day you will see they were the big things. It's the care in the little social interactions. Instead of, "Why the hell are you cultists trying to nudge and coerce me to go back to Church?" 

Instead,  "Always good to see you. I've known you for years. I'll be sure to go back to Church again." 

With my strange thoughts, I doubt I could ever be a Priest. A Priest has a lot of faith. Not doubt and cynicism. The missing upper teeth is still a little bit scary. I'll get used to it. 

Makes it worse:

The day I heard that Heather died, on that morning I rode my skateboard past a graveyard. If I hadn't, my grief experience wouldn't have been as bad. 

My dentist let me look in the mirror to see me with my teeth newly extracted. My gums were wrecked and there was a huge spot of drak red where my tooth had been. It looked like some kind of bullet hole. It looked awful. What a Satanic visage. If I hadn't seen that, my post teeth extraction process would not have been as bad as that image is in my mind. I still get these microfrissons of fear. That's because I've been psyching myself out with fearful thoughts rather than happy positive thoughts like remembering something I seen written at a Vietnamese restaurant. 'It is good to know that some of the best days of your life hasn't happened yet'. Good things are coming. The best is yet to come. You think your life is over. It hasn't even started. This is not the end. This is just a strange gutwrenching chapter. 

When one goes to a store, they cherry pick the best items they can get. Why is it then that during anxiety, a person cherry picks the worst most catastrophic outcomes possible. 

I had an insight. Why would I, of all people, fear the future? I made a better future than others imagined. A good future is going to happen for me. My landlord said to me, "You're a good person and the future knows that. The future only has time to f*ck around with the really bad people in life." 

There are quite a few instances of me clearing weeds that are like Jack and the Beanstslk, these weeds at times were as tall as me. I've seen even taller than me. I pulled them all up, cleaned the wall of any weeds. At one place moss covered the ground and those cement markers at the parking lot. I scratched away all of that moss. I try to envision the reaction of the workers going there on Monday morning and seeing the area clean because I remember what it looked like before. Quite a few places like that. 

Those people probably thought, Oh, more of the same, more of those unsightly weeds, that's if I notice at all because I usually try to screen that out. Holy smokes! The area looks really cleaned. I wonder who did it. Probably the city. 

So I shouldn't fear the future that much. 

I have to imagine good things are happening for me in the future. 

On Monday, when I cleaned the wall of St Anne's Academy, I saw a person dressed in a black hoodie riding a black ebike with thick tires. On that morning, I said aloud in German about fearing most of all the ghost of Christmas future. The two tires represent that the future has two types of Christmases, good and bad. All in black means that the future is unseen. Even the best of Christmas futures is currently shrouded in a black veil of the unseen. 

There is no past and future. It's all happening simultaneously depending on the modality of time being used. The present doesn't morph into the future, the future morphs into the present. Because past and future are aspects of this iteration of the present moment, the perpetual ever present moment. 

So Ghost of Christmas Future is an aspect of and not on a separate team so to speak from the Ghost of Christmas Present. 

Playing cricket in VR is an option for me. And for free too. A good $40 cricket VR app for free. Cricket is there are no foul balls or offsides because it can be hit anywhere on the field. The player uses a flat paddle shaped bat. There are those U shaped metallic things planted in the ground. What's that? Oh well. I don't know if I'll try this but cricket is something I've known about since I was young. BBC News, sports, cricket. It was more popular in the old days rather than now unless as there's a larger than estimated cricket community I don't know about. 

Let me guess. Hit the ball with the paddle. Run around as many of those metallic things as you can. Make it back to home base before someone in the field throws the ball back to the umpire or else bat catcher. 

"I don't like cricket. I love it." 10CC, Dreadlocks Holiday 

This morning, I had some braised vegetables specifically Shanghai bok Choi. The recipe is fry some garlic, add the bok Choy, fry, then add half a cup of water and a dash of oyster sauce. Reduce slightly in an Escoffier reduction. 

I had to install my upper dentures with poligrip. The dentures kept slipping off in spite of the poligrip. 

Rookie mistake. Wait five minutes after applying poligrip before eating especially watery things like braised vegetables. Otherwise, the glue will dissolve instantly and simply will not work. 

There is a spot in my upper right jaw. I hope it heals soon. Thsts the spot where I jammed my dentures, one side knifing upwards in that area when I tried to take on a Mars bar. Mars bars can now only be eaten in canapé hors d'oeuvres style, that is to cut it into very small squares and to let it dissolve in the mouth. This could work. My lflife has come to this. What an existential conundrum. 

I use germ killing mouthwash often. This will take care of any bacteria. I'm brushing my bottom teeth very regularly now. 

I haven't become completely edentulous. That would be kind of scary. 

At first. Then you get used to it. At first the different sounding voice, the way you're enunciation different letters scares you, then after awhile, you think it's cute. 

Simplified chawan mushi recipe. 

2 eggs or even just one for a single serving, two for a large order. 

3/4 cup of dashi which is really just a fancy way of saying miso soup powder. 

Mirin rice wine for the sweet wine taste. Forget Mirin add two tablespoons of sugar water. 

Dash of Soy sauce. 

Whip the eggs together but not too frothy if at all. 

Then mix with the dashi. 

Get a good thick porcelain clay cup. Put whatever in the world addition you want. Chicken, beef, lamp, whatever. Vegetables, etc. I'm going with prawns but since I'm semi edentulous, I can give the prawns a slight mince. With the dentures I can most likely work the prawns with my new artificial teeth. 

Right. Mince shrimp, bottom of cup, pour in the dashi and whipped egg mixture through a strainer, 

Place cup in a steamer with lid and cover the each cup with aluminum foil. 

Sauce. For one serving, about half a cup of dashi with a liberal amount of sugar and a dash of Soy sauce. Boil that. Then add a quarter cup of cornstarched water. Cornstarch must be mixed well in the water of course. Pour that in and give it a bit of an Escoffier reduction. Pour over the screamed egg mixture. 

This amuse bouche is a great choice for the edentulous and denture wearing community. 

Heck at this point on every other item on the menu is an amuse bouche. Something exotic and delectable, liquified and pureed to an exquisite luxurious texture. 

Feeling a lot better. If I say that the anxiety went away 100%, it wouldn't be an exaggeration. 

On Monday when I cleaned for Satan's Academy and then the other presumably Satanic Church across the street, I said,  "I cleaned for you. What I hope is to get a blessing to take away my anxiety. So I can be a better help for the neighborhood. It's not like I'm asking for money. So it's spiritual. Such a spiritual request would be acceptable." 

That Church across the street from At Anne's Academy is not Satanic. At all. 

And asking for a prayer to St Dymphna made on my behalf. I specifically asked this at St Anne's but not at the Protestant Church across the street. 

I asked this saying it out loud but softly, as a kind of poetry. 

My anxiety is gone. The post surgical pain in the gums has gone. 

If I were to do it over again, knowing what I know now, it's don't even attempt to try to  use the dentures at all until about six days after surgery. Just eat soft foods and deink liquids and neither too hot or too cold. Oatmeal, congee. 

The weirdness and anxiety is normal. It feels strange, deformed, insectoid, like a crime. Just as absolute power corrupts absolutely, likewise absolute desensitization desensitizes absolutely. In time, a person just gets desensitized to it and doesn't really remember the life before dentures like not remembering last night's dream. 

Feeling really good. The warm glow of Autumn nostalgia. Just chilling back with my new dentures. 

Thursday, September 4, 2025

I have to stay in the West. I've had so many dreams of the BRF that I have some special connection to the West. Ad knowing me, if I was there, I would see signs reminding me of that. Like seeing the number 111. 

When I was in Vancouver last year to pick up my electric skateboard, on the way there, I saw the number of one of the Skytrain I was on was 111. Then 112, then 113, then 114. 

I don't think I'll ever go to see futuristic China except on YouTube. It would be the same thing. Go there, see the sights, otherwise, don't know anybody, don't talk to any body. What's the difference between that and seeing a YouTube video? 

My life is good. The people at Church, let's face it, are more together than me in a lot of ways. That for one thing, should be completely obvious. 

As for other events in my life, people are happy to see me. I am always thoughtful and courteous. I try to wear nice clothing when I go to social occasions. 

I am old now. Semi edentulous. It's the beginning of the end. That's irrational. Some people got all their teeth gone when they were in their 20s. A very few people are born without the ability to grow teeth at all. 

A lot of animal species such as pangolins don't have teeth. Octopuses, octopi, birds have beaks in which case the mouth and lips and teeth serve the same function. Fish barely have any teeth. Very small pebble sized triangular teeth. 

Shark are the teeth masters. First species to ever have any teeth ever and three rows of teeth that grow back throughout life. If a human had three rows of teeth, dental hygiene at a clinic could last for a couple of hours instead of half an hour. If humans had teeth that grow back, that would be great but humans have the ability to implement dental implants which is totally rock star. 

Lots of rich old people have implants. 

I opted to not try cricket. 

The game is played on an oval like the Oval Office. Not the diamond of baseball. In the middle is a patch where the batter hits the ball. There are two metallic things on either side. The batter hits the ball. The batter is supposed to run from one side of the rectangular midpatch to the other. 

11 players per side. Each 'inning' can have up to 300 balls. A cricket match can last for a day, three days or a week. What the. 

I simply don't have time for that. It seems like a dilettante effete version of baseball. But since cricket is the older sport, baseball is an Americanized form of cricket. 

I wouldn't be interested in trying this. Pickleball is another sport that is too dilettante. In pickleball if you hit the ball on the other side of the net across from you, that's wrong. The ball has to be hit diagonally on the other side of the play area over the net. Left side hits to right side, right side hits to left side or it doesn't count. In tennis, it all counts. 

In VR, one doesn't actually run. A person swings their arms up and down or else uses the joystick to teleport. So to run from one side of the rectangular patch to the other in VR before one of the outfielders throws the ball back to the main centre area. Well.... 

Cricket has a worldwide fan base of 2.5 billion people. So does Catholicism. 

I have hydrogen peroxide which I got at London Drugs two years ago. I'm thinking of coloring my hair blonde so I can look like an uber German. Continental European sophistication in the backwoods of Canada. I need to dilute that with water and then rinse through my hair. I'm thinking about it. 

One of my neighbours has hookers visit him. 

To score with hookers, you have to be able to talk a certain way. 

I'm not very lucky with women as someone who is operating under the duress of the physics of this dimension. 

One of the hookers I know of. I've given her money a few times when she panhandlers and I talk with her briefly, How are you doing? You're doing well? That's good. See you next time. Etc  

That's life, the inner city has a rich social life of people interacting here and there. 

The difference scoring with a hookers and getting a regular girlfriend is like the difference between borrowing a book at the Library and purchasing a book at the bookstore. 

With junkie hookers a person can often pick up a non sexual disease along with an expected sexual disease such as a case of hepatitis and then AIDS. Or else a case of mononucleosis and then syphilis or gonorrhea. 

That's the physics of this dimension. 

On the Simpsons, Homer said something like, 

"Marge, with women in the past, something said yes, something said no but with you Marge, it was green lights all the way." 

I've never been good at scoring with hookers. 

Ha ha, as you may well. Know, with hookers, you start out as a John but will wind up being a Mark. That's when she's over all the time whenever she needs money. Perhaps swipe things. Whatever. Sordid. Wretched. 

Sex involves a bit of work, timing, coordination and I'm simply out of practice. Since I don't socialize much, there aren't any women whom I really know or spend more than a few minutes once every few weeks talking with at most. 

Otherwise, I'm thinking that if I had a million, would I leave this town or not? 

There is person and there is role. Shakespeare said a person plays quite a few roles in this stage of life. I happen to sometimes talk to a panhandler meth head girl, one of a few, give her money in sumpathy, call her beautiful in sympathy, then she visits my neighbour as a prostitute. That it's that particular girl and that my neighbour is that person is incidental. 

I could have moved to another town but that exact situation could reoccur but with another girl and with another neighbour. So is it the person or is it the role? 

The girl does seem mildly attractive but then there's the thought of her smoking meth in my room and then casing the place and swiping stuff. I never wanted a meth head girlfriend. Too bad I have to deal with this with a thoughtless neighbour. He's a meth head himself lol.  But this guy is rather mendacious. Lies all the time but Polish people are known to be liars. And to have that catalyze with my thoughts. What an insufferable situation. 

I don't know if I'm really into that girl at all. 'He's Really Not That Into You' or whatever the movie is called. Some women I met, me and her had a chemistry. As soon as I talked to her, when I returned to my room, I thought of her a lot. Other women I met, after I talked to her, I return to my room and didn't think of her at all. She doesn't do it for me as much as other women. "I've worked with better. But not many." Bill Murray, Ghostbusters 2 

'There's no accounting for taste', as the French say. 

I wish Heather was alive. I could've turned to her for advice about this. She was and still is a smart lady. Heather knew my neighbour and she knew the meth head girl as well. 

No situation lasts forever. The Buddhist concept of anicca is impermanence. Impermanence devours all. 

Jesus said to not care at all about things that are wrapped up in the physics of this dimension. At the time when a person is alive, these things in life that strike one as insufferable seem like an excruciating torment. When life is over, these things in life will mean not a thing. 

Jesus also said, "Store your treasures not on the Earth but in heaven where dust and moths won't get to them."  The only thing a person can bring with them to the afterlife is their own personalty. Be sure to develop it well to the best of your ability. 

I'm a responsible ape man. That I'm not very lucky with women is something that I can accept. 

I have to remember to improve my skills. See if I can do a backflip or can I not set a goal that doesn't involve the risk of bodily injury. I can learn a language. I can save up and go to Quebec. I saw a video a out a village in Chilliwack BC. It isn't just a village. It's a mind blowing spectacular small town scene from the Victoria era. Beautiful spectacular buildings. Beautiful on the scale of Europe and China. Canada is changing. For the better. I never thought that Chilliwack would be that spectacular. Travel, learning a language, improving my dance moves. 

I could make a World War 1 airplane model. That also requires glue and paints. Pricey. 

If I got the Fokker D7, I would paint it black. If I had the Fokker Dr1, I'd paint it red. 

The Sopwith Camel would be painted with a tan and olive green camouflage design. 

I wouldn't mind getting an Airco DH2 push propeller plane. 

The Airco DH2 was the first propeller plane with machine guns and were deadly for a few months until Anton Fokker figured out how to design a machine gun that shoots between propeller blades which was absolutely lethal and at first terrified British and French air troops until they reverse engineered such planes. 

The future isn't going to be all bad or all good. Things work differently than thst. It's more like snakes and ladders. Small advancements and small set backs mixed with major advancements and major setbacks. The future often has a way of being better than you could have imagined. That has happened to me. 

I could be single for life. However, if I'm not, I will let you know! 

One thing that every expat knows is that things can change very quickly. A shop closes. People graduate to the next stage of life. 

A person can be in one town and not know that in less than one year, they'd be in another town doing something amazing. That's happened to me a few times in my life. 

I'm an expat from the mainland. The mainland is where the pulse of action is. Continental Europe is sophisticated and is the bastion of centuries of history and intellectual refinement. Continental Europe has Germany which is really exciting. I'm picturing black German birds on large red banners, middle ages. Long straight blonde hair, black leather Trenchcoat or black Armani suits with white shirt. Bauhaus style. Industrial Gothic. With majestic propeller planes. I would like to have the ideal woman at my side. I've had girlfriends before and with me, I could go for awhile without but somehow, I always find another girlfriend. Somehow. I would tell her about my uber German design aesthetic with the long straight blonde hair, black attire with white shirt with buttons and collar. 

I would need stylish shoes although I'm not sure what brand. Nike doesn't make formal attire shoes. Speaking of shoes, I thought I found an ordinary knock off pair of black shoes. I looked closer today. They are Asics! Good brand. This happened to me lots on this island. Find something or purchase something which I think is ordinary at first. Turns out it is a premium item. Island magic. 

So anyways things can change quickly. Who knows if I'll be here in a year. I'd love to live at James Bay. Or Sidney BC. That would be my dream however, under the thumb of the ohsyics of this dimension, any place I move to will be guaranteed to have the most interesting of neighbours and sometimes, not in a good way. Though for the most part neighbours are pretty good. They are also living in the trenches and if one stretches their mind, they are part of the ever Autumn winter Christmas nostalgic scene of the inner city. 

I wonder if I should see a psychic and ask the psychic will I be single for life or what? The answer, "Things could be worse, but Zoltan isn't sure how." 

If the BCGEU strike extends to BC liquor stores and BC cannabis retsilers, 

- booze: cold beer and wine stores are privately owned. 

Bars, pubs, off sales. 

- cannabis: cannabis is sold somewhere around City Hall in Victoria BC although I can't specify where. Cannabis isn't sold at Vancouver City Hall and certainly not at the City Hall of any other town in this Province, that I know of. 

Yet cannabis is sold somewhere around Victoria BC City Hall. Well, it is the capital city. 

So will there be a mysterious long line up at City Hall? City Hall provides an element of plausible deniabiloty. "Oh, that's just the line up for the annual paying of property taxes." 

Strikes are acceptable as long as they don't dirlsrupt the general flow of essential goods and services. If the strike results in increased calls to first responders related to the strikes such as people dying of starvation because certain items, medications aren't being dispensed, there would be a court injunction or even end strike legislation, legislated back to work but that's still a way off. 

The Premier is understandably rather non-plussed about the strike. Will he pass a motion to implement back to work legislation? Who knows? 

In the afterlife, trees are arranged perfectly unlike on Earth. On Earth, the weather twists and gnarls branches into all kinds of unruly shapes. 

So in the afterlife, a tree from a distance with all its branches looks like the stem and veins of a large leaf and indeed each branch with its secondary branches looks like the stem and veins of a leaf. Esch secondary branch has tertiary branches that together look like the stem and veins of a leaf and each leaf, well, it looks like a leaf. 

That's called fractals. Fibonacci sequence. The golden mean. Sacred geometry. 

Life starts in the afterlife but not before one has completed and passed their life review. Everyone gets a life review and it's going to be a doozy. 

I hope that I pass my life review but one can never be 100% sure. 

But apparently, a person can pass on and then appear to their friends a week later and their friends could sense that they already went through the life review. As I've explained before, the life review is a quick singularity download and under a different time dynamic. Not the quick singularity download under this linear time dynamic which would seem somewhat stilted and mechanical. The Japanese have computers that can download 50.25 TB in one second! There's your singularity download under the physics of this dimension. 

The time dynamic where time travel is time experienced objectively which is why everything is happening simultaneously. 

This mathematical structure of time more than anything else convinces me that people survive ever afterwards because the personality exists under this time dynamic. It is only the physical body that does not. 

Friday, September 5, 2025 

A few days ago, someone with the namesake of my sister, Goddess Teresa requested to follow on meta quest Facebook. I accepted. Why not, but I didn't follow back. 

The on that same day, when I was walking on the street, I saw someone wearing a tshirt that read,  "I Have A Mean Sister And I'm Not Afraid To Use Her". 

That could be yet another one of life's unsettling omens. 

I don't know if she's my sister at all. 

Ostensible father, dead mother, stepmother, step brother, stepsister. 

Of all the above, the only one who's title based on terms of the relationship which is 100% accurate is stepmother. 

My father never showed me my birth certificate. That's the standard documentary empirical evidence. I needed to see my birth certificate as part of due profess. Such a term is probably alien to my father who wasn't that well educated. 

Step brother, stepsister is one thing. A father could marry a woman who becomes a stepmother. That father dies and the mother remarried and then the person has a stepmother and a stepfather. If the stepparents have any additional children, those children become your stepsiblings. 

But half brother or half sister is another thing. Step sister may be affinital through marriage or consanquinial through blood. I should know. I work at the Courthouse. 

But a half sibling through terms of the definition implies a quasi consanquinity. 

Is she my step sister? Sure. If she my half sister? I don't know until I see standard documentary evidence. 

I don't look like my ostensible father as much as I look like him. He probably stole me from another family because of my auspicious Royal Theo Greyjoy birthmark. Weird stuff happens to infants at a time when they can't discriminate and pick and choose for themselves. 

As for my birth certificate, I need to see the long form and not the short form. But then it would be written in some pictographic semasiographic writing which I couldn't read anyways. This is me labouring under the duress of the physics of this dimension. This is how that set of ohsyics oermutsted for me when it comes to the crooked table slanted against me family set up. Fucking crackpot. Bonkers! What a raw deal. 

If I had my birth certificate, I would have had dual citizenship. 

And it's not because they're Chinese but rather in spite of the fact. Most Chinese families are more together than my family which was toxic and won't be missed. 

I'll be glad once I pass my life review in the afterlife with its much better set of physics because that's when life begins. 

I don't have any priority to contact any of them ever again. I'm a expat frkm the mainland and I'm never going back. I'm never going to regress to some former bullsh*t. 

As an expat, anyone you meet is an extension of a grand adventure. As a regresspat, anyone you meet is just another variable in an equation of regression. 

Be an expat. Stick it our for a year. You'll feel better! 

Racism is a form of false attributives. When you make a mistake it's because of what you did. When someone else makes a mistake, it's because of who they are. 

Today I would say was a 100% perfect day so far. No delinquents that I can remember. I was sweeping near the Courthouse. 

Completely peaceful. 

If I was to design an amuse bouche for the edentulous, it would be, 

Served in a medium, not too tall, not too short shampagne glass. It must be the thin shape of the champagne glass that gives it it's je ne sais quoi. 

- A transparent liquid of basically sugar with white tea, non carbonated, no buddles. White tea is colorless but has the flavor. 

- a good portion of minced strawberries and shrimp sitting in the bottom one third of the tall champagne flute that it would be served in. Ideally, it should produce a nice pinkish reddish display. 

- one long thin shaved piece of dark green cucumber skin placed in the glass, it should have a curly look. This gives it a splash of color and visual excitement. 

- one cube of mango dipped in sugar and then placed on the rim of the glass. 

Optional, a sword with a marachino cherry or a miniature paper umbrella. 

This amuse bouche has the dose of protein but also sugar and vitamin C with the mango. The white tea with sugar gives it a sweetness. These flavors don't clash but compliment each other. 

Optional: white rum. 

Another amuse bouche for the edentulous would be 

- pureed lobster bisque with a touch of extra butter than the recipe usually requires. Add a splash of clotted cream while cooking. 

To make lobster bisque, first boil a lobster. Then throw it into a Cuisinart shell and all and just puree the sh*t out of it until it acquires a smooth texture. 

Place lobster bisque in a small clay cup for serving, or a small flat bottom whiskey glass. Then on top, add a small dollop of brie cheese that has been pureed to almost liquid or just out of the box extra soft brie cheese will do. The lobster bisque should have enough viscosity that the brie stays floating rather than sinking to the bottom. I wonder if this can be done. Even if it sinks to the bottom, who cares, the recipe, the flavour is still there. 

Oh yeah, and garnish with a mint leaf on top. 

Chinese amuse bouche. That idea is redundant because dim sum is the world of Chinese amuse bouche. I don't know of any Chinese liquid based amuse bouches. 

I would suggest chicken broth with a puree of Chinese black mushrooms, sweetened with sugar and with pureed shrimp and dungeoness crab. Then the top of the glass this is served in would be covered with either steamed hsr Gow wrap or the wraps for Peking duck  with a slight dip or pocket in the center and then place a small scoop local caviar namely lump fish caviar or salmon row caviar. The caviar wouldn't be so heavy that the har Gow wrap would csve in, or would it? 

A lot of amuse bouche looks like hors d'oeuvres or canapés. I prefer to focus on the drinkable amuse bouche served in glasses. Because not all hors d'oeuvres and canapés can be eaten if someone is edentulous however my liquid served in a glass based amuse bouche can be enjoyed even if you have no teeth. 

Saturday, September 6, 2025 

I got 2 movies which were on sale for $5 each. Hopefully my bank account can survive this. 

The movies. 

- Fight Club

- A Haunting in Venice 

$11.17 with tax is cheaper than an entree at a restaurant. 

The News said that in Victoria, one business opted to vacate her business downtown and next to a supportive housing unit which houses 100% junkies. 

And in Nanaimo, an East Indian couple is thinking of moving to India. I would encourage them to because India is more of a festive rock show and they aren't a visible minority in India like they are here. Too many junkies, meth heads stealing from their business. 

The government has to build a massive Betty Ford clinic to treat junkies. Then after that, provide them with some kind of future in light industry. Production line work, a job at a sawmill. But is anything like that available? No. 

The government would rather collect money on massive real estate speculation money laundering scams and then doling out the crumbs as welfare or EI than to actually create government light industry jobs and write paychecks. 

It's the path of least resistance. It's easier to generate a stream of public income from speculation and money laundering and doling out whatever crumbs are leftover from that to welfare and then outsourcing light industry jobs and whatever jobs are left over locally are given to temporary foreign workers instead of local workers for less wages takes less effort than creating actual blue collar industrial jobs for the working demographic. I get it. 

Most industrial blue collar work is located in Ontario, rather than BC. Ha, instead of building BC Ferries locally, the building is contracted out to Gdansk Poland or else China. To save money. Save money because the wider profit margin in which politicians can pad their bank accounts is more important than creating local industry with somewhat less of a profit margin. 

A job that gives them enough purchasing power to start a family. In Asia, the purchasing power on average pro rated to percentage of income on expenditures, is more than that of the West. 

The West is mismanaged. The West seems to have gotten worse every year for the past 20 years, while China seems to have gotten better every year for the past 20 yewrs. Why is that? 

So many businesses have left the downtown area. I don't blame them. 

Junkies seem to get a lot of rights and support while businesses do not. Businesses are not honoured in this town. 

"We as a society have failed to honour you. When we as a Nation fail to honour what should be honoured, it's a problem. it's a canary in a coal mine."  Foxcatcher

Could it be that politicians are semi educated opportunists, narcissists, sociopaths, sadistic, incompetent, underqualified, venal, with some strange private agenda driven personal narrative? 

The best advice is to move away from the West. Move to Asia. Thailand, Japan, China, Singapore are all better places to be. Clean. Orderly. 

In Japan a gyoza dumpling shop has no employees. Walk into the store, pull out an order from the freezer with the sliding glass doors, pay with the debit card or cell phone and that's it. Would something like that work in the West? Absolutely not. The delinquency on the streets in the West is profound. And say what you will about vivisble minorities. The vast majority of meth heads on the street are White. How were they raised? Like Shakespeare said, "Their life is nasty, short, and brutish."

I don't blame those East Indians for moving back to India one bit. Would you? No one should try to coopt them them to stay so as to bring them down to the local level. I would encourage them to go to India. If I could, I'd move to India with them. That's how much of a good idea I think it is. India with tropical weather and palm trees would be preferable to what, Nanaimo? Really?! What a backwater. What a festering f*cking sh*hole that's not worth living in as with every other town in BC except for Vancouver and Victoria. Talk about taking a step backwards. If they moved from India to Nanaimo, they clearly didn't think things through. 

You don't notice it when you're young but you do when you get older. Some of the words of the Bible bristle with a weird energy. Ha! Thats because a lot of it is channeled. 

"I am the Alpha and the Omega." 

That's a reference to the linear time structure and the non linear time structure. The objective time structure and the subjective time structure. 

Today, I found some cans in a large bag. I told them to the bottle depot and got $14.50. That wasn't too bad. 

I went shopping and got some sushi. And then I got 2 kinds of ramen noodles. I got the fried bean paste flavour noodle. The thing with that is one has to fry some ground beef, then add the sauce, and sprinkle on silome sugar and then fry that. I forgot to get any vegetables. I only got ground beef. That's not smart. I must remember from now on to get vegetables often. Eating only meat and no vegetables can lead to gout. Does rice count as a vegetable? No, it's in the wheat and grains group. The four food groups, 

- meats proteins, 

- fruits and vegetables, for vitamin C because the body does not produce its own vitamin C, nor does it regrow teeth.

- grains and wheat, oryza sativa aka rice, while wheat bread

- milk and dairy, ice cream is my favorite vector for accessing this food group. 

Does goat milk count? Absolutely not. It has to be cow milk. 

Does human milk such as imitation human milk formula sold in the infancy aisle at the store count? No! It has to be cow milk. 

Right. Ground beef, 2 bags of noodles and then something else. Some incidental item. Actually I got a can of Pike Conger Eeel. It's good with rice. The flavour is incredible. I'm sensing ketchup and sugar with a very fine garlic puree. Steamed first then fried in a stove with a lot of BTUs, British Thermal Units. In other words it's hot. 

The News:

Dogs make a splash. 

Dogs swim in swimming pool for charity. 

Can you pay with DOGE coin? Absolutely. I don't see why not. 

The complete collection of Agatha Christie movies on sale for $5 each. 3 movies. I have them now. 

All three movies are what are known as great movies. Visually spectacular. New movies. 

Amsterdam the movie is on sale for $5 which I quickly scooped. That is an A grade movie. 

Amsterdam is about a man who makes pills and prostethetics. Such as prosthetic upper teeth which yours truly now has so just through chance seeing the movie on sale is some kind of prosthetics based coincidence. I'm keeping score! 

Taylor Swift is in the movie Amsterdam! 

I wanted that movie but at the original $23 price, I couldn't afford it. 

Orient Express is the most spectacular. Something about it just hypnotized and mesmerized me. Judi Dench and Olivia Colman are in the movie. Two Royal Queens. 

The Nile movie is opulent. A trip to Egypt. Uplifting spectacular visuals. 

A Haunting in Venice. Extravagant. Trip to Europe. I didn't get the story of A Haunting in Venice at all. I understood the plotline of the other movies. 

Spoilers. A passenger on a train did something evil years ago. Killed the child of a rich couple. The mother killed herself. So everybody on the train, yes everyone had a hand in doing in the passenger. One actually did in the passenger. All the other ones colluld be charged with intent or else indignity to a dead body as they stabbed it with knives. 

The Nile. One man is in love with one woman. Both schemers. The man pretends to argue with his wife so as to divorce her and marry a rich woman. They try to do in the rich woman but Hercules Poirot uncovers the plot. 

I could afford the $15 for three movies this time. But I really have to stop getting movies because of the expense. GST is in 4 weeks. That would help somewhat. Yes, my life has come to this thanks to the physics of this dimension. 

"If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys."  The A-Team

This is a dimension of peanuts and monkeys when it comes to its physics compared with the physics of the afterlife. 

On the one hand, you don't take anything with you when you pass on to the next stage of life that's because on the other hand, you take all of it with you and with a much better set of physics. When one dies, the Universe which for them is uniquely tailored to them, goes with them. 

I imagine that there are some people who a person will only meet in this life in this dimension. In the afterlife, which is a much bigger place than the Earth, they would go to such vastly different places, zones, that they would never see each other again for all of eternity. They would go to different places because their personalities are completely different. 

Ken Dryden died. Anyone who was alive in the 70s remembers having Ken Dryden hockey cards. He was a goalie. 

Later on in life he became a lawyer and then a politician. He is a Canadian legend. 

Any Ken Dryden hockey card would be worth money, in good condition. 

Hockey exhibition games start on Saturday, September 20. Canucks play on Sunday. October 5 is the start of the regular season. 

Sunday, September 7, 2025 

What passes for love is often just the slow burn of certain glands that make up the limbic system. In the afterlife, you feel the totality of the spouses or significant others love for you stretched throughout all of time. 

I think I might be single for life to endure the slow burn of dimensional physics alone. 

I don't know the future but I learned not to fear it. The future is a pie made up of slices and one of the slices is good things better than could be imagined. 

When someone lies to me, that's one thing. When I BS myself, that's another. I always make up scary crap and then believe it. Princess Leia said, "Do me a favour. Say something optimistic." 

Others lie to a person. But the person BSes themself. It's the same thing. In either case it's untrue things either said either to another or to the self. 

It's useless to worry about words said, what someone said about you to others because things can change very quickly. Herman Woke, I mean Herman Wouk, The Winds of War. 

The Winds of Fate. I go to some social event, worry about what I said or didn't say, worry about what they said. Two years later, some of the people in that social circle either died or moved away. In two years I myself could be dead or move away. I seriously wonder if I'll still be around in ten years. 

No one knows the future. But the future isn't all bad. 

Once I was lonely, then I met a girlfriend. 

Once I was stuck in a town, then I went traveling. 

The winds of fate and the hand of God carried me. 

It will carry you too. 

This morning, I saw Karen. She said hello to me first so she spotted me first. 

She was as crazy as ever. I'm going to tell the entire crazy story. 

As I walked with her as we were headed in the same direction, I saw a Police SUV drive past. I was talking with Karen. She was as crazy as ever saying that she got live from a few people downtown. Then I noticed a guy stand beside us. I was very courteous with Karen. I also told her that she's beautiful which she is. She was wearing red lipstick today. First time I've ever seen that. 

We parted ways soon enough. With her talking about live I just got kinda weirded out. 

I went to Shoppers Drug Mart and as I walked back to my apartment, I saw that guy with the baseball cap again. He is obviously an undercover cop. 

On a cosmic level, the Police were saying,  "Be her friend. She's a good lady."  I donate to the Police charity every year. 

One time I went to a liquor store to get some beer for me and a lady I was just getting to know. A Police car drove passt in the parking lot as I left. It was an all white Police car. 

Later on, I had some fun times with that lady. 

The guy wearing the cap had on the cap, a miniature LGBT flag. Kind of scary. However, for some strange reason, seeing a gay person after talking with a lady means that I might score with the lady. It's as if the gay person was saying,  "You don't quite see it, but that girl likes you more than you think. We can tell!" 

And the Police know when a lady likes a guy or they wouldn't be much of a Police department if they didn't know that. Police magic. 

The Police appear very military however, they do love the citizens of  communities that they protect. Often, the Police like you more than you think. That's the ideal, anyways. I don't know about the reality. Of course they wouldn't like anyone who is intentionally a frequent criminal. That wouldn't be good. That would be awful. 

Most people intend to obey the law. Not only because they don't want to get busted but because it's the right thing to do. 

The next time I see Karen, I should say, 

"Karen. I'm surprised that you didn't find a guy already. I'm surprised that you'd want to talk with me. I have a few mental issues such as my missing upper teeth."

"Having missing upper teeth isn't a mental issue."

"Wanna bet? It sure has rocked my world." 

I thought about Karen in Church. With her lipstick, she is beautiful. I had an image of me and her together minus her craziness and I felt lifted, glowing, happy that I haven't for a long time. She is beautiful like Hailey, the actress in the movie Mission Impoolssible Final Reckoning. 

Society is very strange. When a man first meets a woman, its like,  "Who is she? What are you doing with her?" 

Be other with her for awhile then one day, you don't see her for two weeks and then it's like,  "What are you doing not with her? Aren't usually together? What happened? You should be together again!" 

And just when you thought you'd never see her again, one day there is a knock on the door, there is your friend. And next to her, is the lady. That's classic. 

If the female celestial protectors like Mother Mary has forsaken me, then I could be single for life. 

The important thing is to focus on your personality because that's the onky thing you can being with you into the afterlife. 

What about wife? In the one in a thousand chance she was a gold digger and didn't love you at all, just pretended to, and she put on a pretty good act, you won't be with her in the afterlife. So focus on developing the personality. The afterlife knows a person one thousand percent. 

The personality is what you take with you into the afterlife. Just as a great sword can only be made with a lot of stress and pressure, so the human spirit is refined according to God's will thorough the adversities faced. 

My neighbour, my Polish neighbour has been gone for a few days. I hope he's all right. He probably went to his relatives. He goes there sometimes. Nice bourgeois set up. 75' big screen TV, a few pets like a dog and a cat and a something else, I don't remember. One time he said he'd return on Monday and he returned on Wednesday. 

Not him, but for example, if someone got done in on the streets or where ever, somebody else's place, within 12 hours, the Police would visit their home to find out what they can. If someone did someone in on the street or where ever, there would be twice the number of Police! I didn't see anything like that. 

My friend is probably all right. However if someone got hospitalized due to some personal health issue and that person admitted themself to the hospital, the Police wouldn't show up for something like that. 

It wouldn't be spiritual to wish him anything except the best. 

The mind paints all kinds of fearful pictures. Drug overdose? Meth related heart attack? That would be an awful way to go. 

The first episode of Drsgnet Season 1 in 1967 was about a guy who sold Lsd to a lot of people. Then one day he himself died of a combination Lsd and barbiturates overdose. It would have been the barbiturates that did it because a person would have to take a lot of acid to die. They'd probably go crazy first. I would strongly advise anyone against, that is, against doing that drug. It is a dangerous drug. 

Its always the most edgiest drug of the time. 20 years ago, the streets has a lot of crackheads rather than meth heads. In the 1920s and 1930s it was whiskey heads. Whiskey was the edgy drug of the time and anyone on a bottle of whiskey could be quite edgy that's for sure. The streets were full of whiskey heads who would have been more sensational in the States since Canada didn't have prohibition. The bars on Granville Street in Vancouver were open during the 1920s. Visit that in the sfterloflife using time travel powers. That would be major. In the afterlife I would visit Vancouver all through its history. 

It would have been best to be White in Vancouver during most of the 20th Century especially the first half. But if a person was Chinese, they could enjoy Chinese food and the Chinese lived a very simple life. Christmas in Vancouver in the first half of the 20th Century would have had a heavenly vibe that would have been quite profound. 

I sense a strong heavenly geomagnetic vibe in Vancouver. 

Perhaps it's a subjective vibe since I know thee city. People who know the cities that they know would describes these cities as 'heavenly'. 

I worry about a lot of things. I would worry about anything like this. 

There is one guy in the hotel. Very friendly. Very chatty. Yesterday he wanted to try on my headphones for a few seconds. He then asked me if I wanted to go on a walk with him and another tenant which I always thought was "light in the loafers" as Robin Williams said. 

I'm worried that the guy might be queer and he wants to be my friend. 

I'm not queer and I don't want to be friends with anyone who is queer. 

Jesus said,  "Martha, Martha, you are worried about a great many things." 

In life, it would seem that sometimes, a person whom you think might be queer, isn't queer. Also people who you would never think are queer, are queer, and you will never find out either. 

That's another way of saying that there's nothing to worry about! 

A hetero person would say,  "I'm 100% hetero. I'm not even bi."

However a gay person might say,  "I'm 100% gay. I'm not even bi."

Life can be quite scary and edgy. My ideal is to live in a Catholic cloister or monastery but not a strict monastery in which if a monk meets a lady he connects with, he would be permitted to marry. Otherwise, it's a place of quietude. People are polite to one another and are diligent and disciplined. 

The life I live has a few picareqsque but not to the point of surly people. Karen with her live and bug phobia which she brings up each time and every time I see her. I onky see her for a few minutes once in whenever but she has to live with herself 24 hours a day. She's not a catch. She looks somewhat dreadful, fashion wise. A fashion train wreck. 

The strange neighbour whom I'm worried about. I'll have to talk with him and say,  "I don't know what's going on, but I have to tell you, I'm not gay. This is something that I worry about in general. It's none of my business if you're gay or not. I'm just saying that I'm not. You've been very friendly and talking with me a lot and that makes me paranoid that you might be gay. I worry a lot. That's where my mind goes to, worrying." Or something like that. 

"Because you've been talking to me a lot, I think you might be gay." 

I'm really worried about that guy. But he might just be an old school friendly. In the old days people weren't so paranoid. Or perhaps they were even more paranoid. 

I worry about all gay people. My friend Jim Arkansas, the Digger, said about all gays that "they should be lined up against a wall and shot."  He said that in the old Native societies in Canada and America, gay people were put to death. 

I say live and let live. I don't want to know of any harm or discrimination or toxic behaviour against any gay people. I would just rather respectfully avoid them. To you your life, to me my life.  I am Homophobie. I fear gay people. I mean, who doesn't? 

My life is going nowhere. I'm not suicidal and revere life and would be willing to live life fully for years, I still will just the same, be happy when I get to the afterlife and I've passed my life review. From that point, I can really start living. 

One does not pass their life review thinking, I won't live now, I'll only start living when I've passed my life review. One has to live now. One has to fully embrace the moment. This dimension with this set of whatever physics, that dimension with its much better set of physics. The one thing they have in common is the present moment. A personality is based on how they handle the present moment at any given moment in any of its iterations. 

Eckhart Tolle said that a lot of people see the present moment as a distraction, an inconvenience, an aberration compared with some point they want to get to in the future. Usually a point involving living in much better digs. 

Worry about someone. Then two years later find out that they died. The winds of fate. It is impossible to guess the future and worry is often a waste of time. Worrying for nothing. God is with you so worrying is a 100%  waste of time. 

Monday, September 8, 2025 

Today, I cleaned some sidewalks. 

At the pub, and a few other streets before I cleaned at a Church. 

Because of work, I had a massive, that is, massive muscle pull on my left side. I felt like I had to go to the washroom but was completely constipated. The pain was searing and sharp and at about an 8 out of 10. Of course knowing me and where my brain often goes, for awhile there, I thought I was dying. 

I have to tell the doctor. I feared going to the doctor or the hospital would make it worse. That's the definition of fear. I thought maybe walking it off can help. 

I walked to my dentist's office to look for the doctor. Not there. I told the receptionist. 

"Am I dying? My brain always goes there."

"I know. It's difficult. You're not dying. I'm sure you'll be fine."

I saw a few angel signs. A yellow e-bike and quite a few yellow cabs drive past. 

When I went home a few minutes later, the pain was pretty much completely gone. Even now, I can say that the pain is 0% which is great because this afternoon, I thought that it would be 48 hours before the pain even starts to go away. I'm completely cured. Someone or something or some strange force healed me. I'm not sure what it is but I am thankful. 

I heard of a story when someone was depressed and then asked a prayer group to say a prayer for him. Within a couple of days, he felt completely uplifted. The collective unconscious is a powerful thing. People genuinely wanted me healed. They saw I was in pain when walking down the street. I was going ooh, aahh, ooh, aahh, for two, three hours non stop. That's how painful it was. 

No pain now. I can enjoy my VR apps again and Game of Thrones Legends connect-3. 

Whoever or whatever healed me, I thank you for sending me a miraculous wave of healing energy. 

Remember the scene in One Hour Photo when Robin Williams was sitting on a sofa in the department head in his hands mulling things over, worried, sitting there for a long time. 

I'm worried about Karen. She said hello to me first so I wonder if she's stalking me. Then I wondered if that was an undercover cop there in case I did something inappropriate to Karen. But why would I want to do that? I was courteous to her the whole time and I made sure to stand a respectful distance from her at all times. She talks a bit loud all the time. It's the meds talking. That could draw the attention of an undercover cop which I thought that guy with the baseball cap was. 

I wouldn't mind dating Karen but only if it's done along a certain appropriate, respectful and lawful line. Romance is fine but it has to be done along a certain line. 

Hopefully, perhaps the Police know this about me. 

There are a million stories in the naked city. The cops were there for another case. 

One time I was sitting with Karen at the bus stop. We were holding hands. Then a cop car drives past. She went on the bus and I walked down the street. Two Police Officers were standing at the corner but they didn't talk to me at all as I walked past. 

Seeing Police patrols is a reassuring sight to a lot of citizens. The Police keep the streets safe. 

Television has been talking about steeling up Police patrols to combat street disorder. 

Karen talks crazy like that to everyone. She was wearing a black baggy hoody and baggy loose fitting black sweat pants. She looked like the ghost of Christmas future. Oh my Gawd! Norman Blackwell, the dead fashion critic would be aghast if he was alive and saw that. 

I'm thinking of perhaps moving to Port Alberni. I saw the Landmark movie theatre and the town and a wave just hit me. A heavenly wave. That town has the most exquisite through the roof heavenly Sunday vibes. I can tell just looking at it. I'll move there. 

Where ever I go, it goes without saying that I intend to be a law abiding citizen. I realize that I can be spot checked or monitored st any given time 24 hours a day as with everyone else in society. 

The Police have so many cases and new cases are being added all the time so the Police onky have so much time for anyone who isn't otherwise intending to break the law. 

In Port Alberni, the RCMP is the Police. If I moved there, I would make an annual donation to the Police charity. Why not? If everyone in town did that, the charity would raise quite a few million dollars and that horrid dreaded disease would have more and better treatment and life extension options. 

It is around this time last year one year ago that I started sweeping the grounds of the Courthouse. I didn't think I'd still do it. This town has good vibes but I've been totally desensitized to it. If I moved to a place far away for a few months and then came back, the vibes of this town would hit me like a wall. Hopefully, they are heavenly vibes. 

Karen. She could tone down her craziness and if she is willing to be with me, it could be quite a heavenly experience. I don't know if that would ever happen but at one time I never thought I'd see her wear red lipstick. It was the shade of dark cherry red which looks good on her. 

It's impossible to know the future. I won't even attempt to try. 

The movie Downsizing is on sale for $5. 

It's like Miniature World. I forget how the movie ends. Can a person really be shrunk like Dr Shrinker? "Dr Shrinker, he's a mad-man with an evil mind."

Life doesn't really start until I pass my life review. That kind of thinking will not help me pass my life review. The purpose is to enjoy with grace, any possible given moment that occurs. Whether in this dimension or in that dimension because that is two things that this dimension and that dimension have in common. The personality and the whatever present moment in the midst of whatever iteration. 

Don't think,  "I can't wait to get to the afterlife which is when life really begins."

Think,  "Whatever moment I find myself in, I intend to enjoy myself to the utmost." 

Downsizing, the movie is low key spectacular. 

I worry about the future with Karen. 

I quote Anthony Daniels when in 1977, wearing the C3PO costume for the first time, the said that one the left foot, there was a part of the metal heel that just jutted upwards knifing him in the foot with every step. 

"It was then that I began to worry about the days ahead.".

Thsts how I feel about Karen and other worri s in general. Worried s about the future. Old age, the body slowly breaking down. Wtf. 

Wednesday, September 10, 2025 

I worry about Karen stalking me. She's kind of crazy and even one of the guys who works at the Courthouse as one of the official paid janitors knows of her and he says she's crazy too. 

So it's not like,  "She's crazy around you? That's odd because she seems perfectly normal to me."  Nope. It's like,  "She has some mental health challenges." which is putting it mildly. 

Now I'm worried. I don't like stalkers. 

There are a few things to remember. Just as she is one in a thousand people I ever met, I am also one in a thousand people she ever met. 

Life hates a vacuum. I see her on aversge for a few minutes once every few weeks when I am unfortunate enough to just walk past and there she is, on the street, as I am going shopping for something. What were the chances of that? 

I see a beauty in her that I don't know if any young guys would see her as beautiful as she has aged ten years in the last three years. 

She carries a Bible with her wherever she goes 

But otherwise, she wears dumpy clothes. 

She doesn't stalk me. She does haunt places, it seems. She goes to certain places often and regularly. 

She looked like the ghost of Christmas future. 

That's interesting. But scary. True story. On the Sunday I saw her, one of my friends in the neighborhood was going to a local park with his family, mother and stepfather. Then on Monday, the day after, his stepfather's son died. Unfortunately, due to dementia or Alzheimer's, the stepfather wasn't fully able to register the News. He just looked somewhat confused. But that is Satanic. What did he die of? Who knows? It's none of my business. 

I'll be worried about Karen indefinitely. She stalks me but it's the kind of stalking where she wants to bring me at arms length so she can enact some passive-aggressive narcissistic revenge scenario, the 'I don't want him but I want him to want me' kind of scenario. 

This is what the forces of life dispatches me. I give diligence and discipline to life, sweeping the Courthouse grounds and that's the kind of delinquency that life gives me in return. It's the kind of country that can only give you trouble and can't give you advancement because it can't give itself advancement because it is a sparsely populated country which lacks the human resources to build the futuristic rockstar cities that other countries can so what you got is more stagnant backwaterness and the trouble that it can only offer as its the only thing it's capable of offering. 

The shopping malls in Asia are way more futuristic than those of this town or Vancouver. The shopping malls of Bangkok are way more futuristic and advanced than any in British Columbia. 

Will God or Jesus help me with stalkers or is God the one who sent me that stalker to begin with? 

Stalkers are part and parcel of the physics of this dimension. A person can find you in this dimension. In the afterlife, since it's purely 100% telepathy and teleportation, if you think that you don't want to see someone, they won't see you. It has to be mutual or not at all. 

I can't wait to get to the afterlife and experience the much better set of physics, which would be after my life review. I hope that I pass it although it will have edgy moments. It will be like every other event I ever worried about on this island which has a strange benign magic. I worry and worry, and worry about an event. I go to it and the event is usually overall, much better, much smoother than I thought it would be. There were a few edgy moments that are as bad I thought it would be, but they went away in an instant and it mostly turned out to be nothing to be worried about at all. 

If I see Karen again and am 100% laser focused on her, that would be one thing. Whenever I see her, my mind is half to three quarters somewhere else. I'm thinking about whether or not to travel to another town for a visit. I keep putting it off. I think of World War One airplane models. I should get the Fokker Dr1 and the Fokker D7. 

After a one day absence, the muscle pain in my lower left side returned. Not as painful as Monday but painful enough. I had to get Robaxacet aka methcarbamol and I took 2 aspirins and two ibuprofens in a mixture once known as phen-fen. No, wait, that's acetaminophen which works on cyclo oxygenase 3 and is not an anti inflammatory and ibuprofen which is an anti inflammatory and works on cyclo oxygenase 2. 

Acetlysalicylic acid is an anti inflammatory and works on cyclo oxygenase 1 and 2. Cyclo oxygenase enzymes are located in the brain, liver, lymph glands, spleen, stomach and other visceral sites throughout the body. 

So 1 robax, 2 ibuprofens and 2 aspirins. It worked. The pain is gone. 

Disturbingly, I traced the cause to food poisoning. It couldn't be repetitive motion or prologue posture basedd injury. Because I'm always doing these postures. 

One can of peas. Opened and in the fridge for at least a week and a half and a terrible fridge as well. Food poisoning has many symptoms. Headaches. Muscle aches and muscle cramping. I ate the canned peas on Monday and yesterday too. Canned peas as an ingredient mixed in with some other recipe. Mild food poisoning. 

Jane Siberry is coming back to town on November 22, at my Church. I wouldn't mind getting a ticket. Hopefully, it's not $100. 

Jane Siberry is legend. 

So many good songs. Her voice would sound somewhat different now. She sounded best in the eighties but to see a legend. That would be major. 

Bound By the Beauty, Under the Starry Sky, One More Colour 

Tickets, $52 each with taxes, etc. 

It would be like if this was the 80s going to see a 40s music icon like Whoever. However the dynamic is different because 80s music has a timeless quality that would sound not onky brand new but also profound even a few hundred years later. Music of the 60s to the end of the 80s is irreplaceable. 

There are great new musicians. Mickey de Grand IV is a genius. Psychic Mirrors. That guy is a musical demi-God. 

I don't know if I could afford the $52 and her voice doesn't sound the same as it did in the 80s. Check out concerts seen on YouTube. However she will always be a musical genius for her hit songs. I don't know all of her songs. Jane Siberry is a legend who is and will be forever loved. 

Today I made chawan mushi. 

1. Fry some ground beef, not much, with minced ginger and sesame oil with regular oil and some sugar. Fry it. Then drain and out in bottom of a bowl. 

2. Add 2 or 3 eggs, up to you, in the bowl. Mix well but be careful not to firm any bubbles. 

Add some water whatever amount and some miso soup paste. Add more sugar with vinegar if you have it. I have mulled wine vinegar, a luxury item which I got for $8 a bottle. Add some soy sauce and some sliced green onions. Give it another stir. 

3. Place aluminum foil on top of the bowl and place in a steamer. Steam for 15 minutes. 

That's it. Exquisite. There are large white chunks forming a marble texture. Thsts naturally formed tofu made when cooking. It has a silky custard taste. A small bay leaf could be added but its not essential. 

I had that with rice. Perfect for someone who is edentulous or in my case, semi edentulous. 

This isn't rocket science cooking. The French would add a dash of cream to the recipe and perhaps some shredded cheese, the high grade gourmet kind, brie, Camembert which let's face it is the same as brie, blue cheese, so many varieties like stilton, roquefort, Gorgonzola all which are acceptable for a turbo grade chawan mushi on cocaine. 

After cooking, add a tiny dash of truffle salt for the out of this world experience. 

With the truffle salt, I would give myself a Michelin 1 star but for that, I would also need julieened king crab legs and a dash of lump fish caviar. Lump fish caviar is saltier. Salmon caviar has that exquisite jelly texture and a moderate salty favour. 

With the KC legs and the caviar, it would be a Michelin 1 star for sure. 

Try the recipe yourself. Anyone can make this recipe as it requires no previous experience. 

It is impossible to guess the future. Don't fear it, that's for sure. Feel neutral at worst and very happy at best about the future. 

My writings have a way of coming back to me in movies and in technology. I once wrote that humans download information at birth and upload information at death and that humans are an ap within an app. The Universe is an app and humans are an app within an app. Not a month later, I was sold a tablet at an incredible price of $30. The tablet that took 14 hours to download 1 gB. However most apps did work fadt enough once they were fully downloaded, even Need for Speed Most Wanted on tablet which is the best most spectacular race car game I have ever seen graphic wise. VR graphics have nothing on this.

Mad Bullets on 2D tablet is quite spectacular. A masterpiece. 

Crimen VR equals Mad Bullets in terms of visual acuity and overall spectacular rendition. 

No VR racing game comes close when compared with NFS Most Wanted. 

However Dawn of Jets is better than any game on the tsblet. Gun Club VR is way better than Mad Bullets on Android.