Friday, April 25, 2014

The First World War

The Bar









_____________________________________________________

Skid Row Santa






The normal Santa Claus flies on a sled pulled by 8 tiny reindeer. He goes to people's houses and leaves presents behind.

The skid row Santa Claus sits on a metal skid row bed pulled by cockroaches. He goes to people's houses and steals their presents and whatever drugs they might have lying around.

Merry Christmas!


______________________________________________________


The First World War






In commemoration of the 100th Anniversary of The First World War.








______________________________________________________


Kill Bill Vol. 7





______________________________________________________


Bowe Bergdahl Release How it could have ended





Sgt Bowe Bergdahl of the United States Army was released in a prisoner exchange with the Taliban.

The CIA special forces agent frisked Sgt Bergdahl, and then, unflappable as ever, he threw the bag that Bergdahl was carrying to the ground.
This is how it could have ended.
The Islamic design on the bag is symbolic of the brainwashing he went through.


_______________________________________________________


Snow On The Roof




A vacation at sea.


_______________________________________________________


The BedBugMorphosis





Special thanks to Franz Kafka.



______________________________________________________

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Spot The Promontory Contest / Rasputin




Temporary posting:



______________________________________________________________________


Spot the Promontory Contest



On Vibrant Victoria's facebook page, is a contest, Spot the Promontory http://vibrantvictoria.ca/spot-the-promontory-photo-contest/


Right. So I sent in these pictures. Hopefully I can win one of the prizes. Maybe one of you could put in a good word for me.

















The Promontory is Victoria BC's tallest building at 21 storeys. Indeed, Victoria BC is an architect's paradise. The architectural treasures in this city are virtually without limit. There are beautiful old buildings in Victoria as well as exciting futuristic looking buildings, like the Promontory.


________________________________________________________________________


"I should be so lucky to get a chance to .... have a Russian girlfriend." I wrote this a few years ago. It came true!


In light of the escalating tensions in Ukraine and Russia, I thought I would re release an article I wrote in 2002. Why not?





RASPUTIN - Chapter I- The starets from Pokrovskoe


Rasputin was a star. In fact, he was a starets. A starets is, I presume a figure of religious significance, in Russia.

He was born on January 10, 1869 in the small village of Pokrovskoya.
When he was young, he was very frail, but this was made up for, with the intensity of his glance. Rasputin was quite an arrestingly hypnotic figure and his youth was peppered with cuffs to the ear by his parents after he was caught with peasant girl after peasant girl.
According to Alex de Jonge, anyone who could subdue the ladies of St. Petersburg would have no trouble with taming wild horses, and Rasputin was a bit of a horse whisperer.

"Grisha" liked to get into fistfights not only with other youths, but as well, with his father!

On one occasion, Rasputin at the age of eight, was able to tell that a peasant in the room, was the one who had stolen a horse, the stolen horse, and this middle class peasant with some status who had been protesting the theft was actually found to be the culprit.

When Rasputin was aged 20, he married a Praskovia Dubrovina, and had 3 children, daughters Matriona, and Varia, and son Mitia.

Rasputin officiated as a priest at ceremonies where the evening rites would typically end with a religious orgy.

He would often conduct ceremonies around a small fire, in a forest, and the peasant would have as much as seven women clinging to him simultaneously, some unclothed, most nearly unclothed and they would be swaying, as the monk exhorted, "Abase yourself! Abase yourselves through sin! Try your flesh!"
and then the peasant would proceed with the most vulgar and horrific activities upon these women.

For Rasputin, sin was essential. He used to soothe, ravishingly, if not rapturously, "Don't think that I am polluting you, in fact, I am purifying you!"

At some time in his life, Rasputin happened upon one of those moments of epiphany; a 'Road to Damascus' kind of thing, of an extreme cosmic serendipity where one feels that they are embraced by the entire Universe. Resembling a Stendahl efect, but presumably much more insane, Rasputin must have felt a cathartic rapture, the kind where one is laughing and crying simultaneously for no reason for about a day and a half.
This happens to everyone, but Rasputin believed that the intensity of his experience was something he felt was accorded uniquely to him, and he was determined to capitalize on this strange sentiment.

Soon, he reinvented himself as a mystic muzhik from a semi-exotic Ukraineian town, certainly exotic to the far flung metropolitan vestiges of towns like Livadia, and Tsarkoye Selo.

Rasputin made his circuits around and eventually his religious whistle stops brought him to a famous monastery. Verkhoutorye.
He met the friendly, older, affable and bearded Father Hermogen and Rasputin was able to hit it off this priest immediately.
However, another priest father Iliodor was another story. Often it is the times with people that are disliked that make a more interesting story.

Father Iliodor was a priest who was serious, intense, and often bigotted. He was tolerated because he was a pro-Tsarist monarchist.
Father Iliodor was reportedly intolerant to women and sure, a man can form philosophies to guard himself from ever being pussy whipped, but long term intolerance to women is definitely not kosher.

Father Hermogen led Rasputin to the room where the supposedly powerful and to be feared Father Iliodor was saying a prayer.
Iliodor was prostrate, in the most supplicative, almost contemptible manner, with the soles of his feet grossly splayed and displayed, and
whatever Rasputin would think of Iliodor in the future, he would not forget this almost omenistic first impression of his own, Rasputin's superiority over the situation. Iliodor made no sign of noticing Hermogen and the novitate Rasputin, and Hermogen privately thought that at any other time, he would be admiring Iliodor's piety, but he was starting to wonder about Iliodor's sanity.
When Iliodor came to, rousing himself from his prayers, he wheeled and faced Rasputin and gave him a haughty stare and fired off a few angry words about being disturbed in prayer.
Rasputin calmly faced him and put a hand on his shoulder and said,
"You pray very well, my brother."

Ever since then, Iliodor was never able to get a hold on Rasputin.

In 1915, however an attempt was made on Rasputin's life. A prostitute, hired by Iliodor tried to stab Rasputin when he was staying in an apartment paid for by the Tsarist monarchy.



Chapter II - The Road to Tsarkoye Selo



Father Grigori Rasputin was installed at the monastery of Verkhoutorye as a starets, an unordained man of religious import. Verkhoutyre was a monastery of St. Simeon, Rasputin's favourite Saint, his alter ego, almost, it seemed.

Rasputin was forty-one years old, his death closing in fast, and he was still going on his St. Simeon styled wanderings from manastery to monastery.

St. Simeon was born in the beginning of the Seventeeth Century and in his life, he became a mendicant wanderer. After dying of an extreme bout with austerities, namely fasting, he was buried along the banks of the River Tura, the River that runs through Rasputin's home town of Pokrovskoe. Pilgrims,the first named, strangely, Grigori, began to dig up the dirt surrounding the coffin of St. Simeon and found themselves healed until the Russian Orthodox Church solemny interred his remains in a church. A statue of St. Simeon in a metallic frame, a gift that Rasputin had given the Tsar and Tsarina on their first meeting was found amongst the relics at the 'House of Special Purpose' in Ipatiev, Ekaterinburg.

In the Russian culture, there is a famous relic, the famous icon, the Black Virgin of Kazan. That was stolen from its setting place in 1904 by a crazed criminal. Ever since then, the fall of the Imperial Houses of Russia, World War I and Russias subsequent devastation is blamed by devout, superstitious Russians as a result of the theft of the Black Virgin. The icon is currently under lock and key in the United States.

According to Alex de Jonge, Russians loved to travel and the Russian wandering traveller is a dominant archetype in the National Psyche of the nineteenth century Russian. They would think nothing of making a pilgrimage to the Holy Lands of Jerusalem, and then visit far flung Far Eastern vestiges.
A Russian villager would think nothing of one day just chucking his belongings and throwing himself to the far flung wastelands where adventure beckons, promises, and never disappoints.
The traveller is apparently, (since I am not Russian, ) part of the Russian ethos. The word for traveller is strannik, one who seeks to escape toska, a word which means a wild inexplicable nostalgia for things Russian that comes out of nowhere.
That is similar to the Japanese sakidori, which is six weeks before a season, the ghost of a season.

Rasputin was unquestionably influenced, a product of his time and culture.

Rasputin and his friend, Father Feofan, of the monastery brought him to the radius of St. Petersburg and soon, imminently to the very gates of the Tsarist Palace itself.

Rasputin conducted his solemn prayers, but he began to resume the lifestyle that was instilled in him so firmly by the influence of the Khlysty tradition of Russian Orthodoxy (the Russian Orthodox church tolerated, but did not endorse the Khylst). The wild, unrestrained concupiscient days of the Pokrovskoe orgies had left Rasputin sexually acclimatized for the sexual environment of polite St. Petersburg high society.

Many have made the comparison between Rasputin and Tartuffe. But Tartuffe was European, and simple, while Rasputin was undoubtedly Asian, and rather more mysterious and dark.

According to Discovery Channel's 'The Last Tsar', famous Russian historian, Dominic Lieven said,
"When Tsarina married Tsar Nicholas II and first made her appearance on the Court scene, whe was a bit of a disappointment.
The ladies of ST. Petersburg high society were rather loose living, and this prim, coy daughter of an English rectory with her sewing circles was almost beneath their contempt."

Ironically while the socialites of St. Petersburg hated (murdered!) the Tsarina Alexandra for her reservedness, Rasputin was hated (murdered!) for the opposite reason. The military colonels were obviously jealous of Rasputin's prodigious talents with women.

Rasputin was making his rounds as a healer to the mystically inclined ladies of St. Petersburg. One woman was so enamoured of Rasputin's healing ability, that she even sewed his clipped fingernails onto her bodice! Yet it must be remembered that a lot of the ladies in St. Petersburg lived sheltered cloistered lives, opulent as they were, and it probably wouldn't take much for a well-travelled guy like Rasputin to influence them.

Rasputin was crashing at Father Feofan's house in St. Petersburg, using that as a flophouse when he had no other place to go. A relative of Father Feofan was a lady named Militsa Lokhtin. Lokhtina's husband was a military general very close to Imperial quarters.

Once, it was suggested to Rasputin by Militsa that the Tsarina was interested in meeting Holy personages and that maybe they should meet, not imagining that it would go any father than it did with apparently a host of other religious figures that was able to attain five minutes of the Tsarist's family's brief but splendidly ill-fated life.

Rasputin to the Emperor Nicholas II - Telegram

LITTLE FATHER TSAR
HAVING ARRIVED IN TOWN FROM SIBERIA, I WOULD LIKE TO BRING YOU AN ICON OF THE BLESSED ST. SIMON VERKHOTURSKY THE MIRACLE-WORKER WHO IS SO REVERED AMONG US; WITH FAITH THAT THE HOLY SAINT WILL PRESERVE YOU FOR ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE AND HELP YOU IN YOUR SERVICE FOR THE GOOD AND HAPPINESS OF YOUR DEVOTED SONS.

At this point, I must make a disclaimer. I can't speak for other authors but as an amateur anthropologist, I have to say that I am about to speak of a Royal House of another country. I will tread very carefully.

Rasputin entered the lit courtroom of a house near to the Imperial Palace, since at first, the Royal couple would not meet someone directly in the Palace.
Rasputin made no impression on the Tsar at first, and Rasputin knew that he would have to present a riddle to capture the Tsar's interest, but Militsa, present in the room that day, somehow say that Rasputin had made an immediate impression on the Tsarina.
Rasputin recalled, "They told me of their troubles. And that they should "Get their things together first." I told them to spit on their fears and rule. That the Russian peasant is the heart and soul of Russia and are your strongest allies."

Militsa later on, and for may times afterward, ominously, made Rasputin to promise never to visit the 'tsars' himself, unescorted, because it may mean the end.

Father Feofan agreed, "Rasputin is so young and green. In court there are many temptations, much envy and intrigue. And in time, these forces might crush Rasputin's spiritual purpose."

There would be other times that Rasputin was warned to not visit the 'tsars' alone, and after a fight with Militsa Lokhtin, Rasputin moved out of that house. Rasputin thought that Militsa was trying to manipulate him out of jealousy. but really, she cared for him, and in that mysterious intuitive way of women, was trying to warn him of something she profoundly sensed.

Dean Ko

Chapter III - Rasputin In the clutches of the Tsarist Kingdom

Love. It was with Grisha all his life. He loved the horses. He loved his wife and family. And as his wife mentioned, "Grisha has enough for everyone."

Perhaps it was even prophecies of some Russian Orthodox Priests that dated back to the end of the 18th Century that fortold of horrors preceeding the fall of the Dynasty at the start of the then next, the twentieth century.

The very first Romanov Tsar was Michael who wrested the Tsardom from Ivan the Terrible of the Rurik Dynasty. And the very last Tsar was named Michael as well. The first and last Michael, talk of your two headed Eagle again.
The Tsarist two headed eagle is a palindromic icon. 1991 is a palindromic (reads the same right to left, as left to right) number year, and in that year Communism fell in Russia.

Alexander II freed Russia from feudalism and granted landowning rights to peasants only to be killed by revolutionaries secretly hired by disenchanted former feudal lords.

At the start of Nicholas II's coronation, a free for all turned drastically horrible as 1300 people were trampled looking for free food, and a little drink served in porcelain commemorative cups.

It was talked about even in Odessa (one of Vancouver's sister cities) that the Tsar danced in a ballroom the night of the accident. A terribly insensitive, and politically unwise thing to do.

Just as horribly, a few weeks later a coronation ship sank as it left the moorings of the dock, in front of Tsar Nicholas II's eyes and out
of 300 people on that boat, there were few survivors.
Talk about your classic bad omens.

The Tsarina of Russia fared no better. She was sure that around her, in amongst the ladies of the court, there were jealous gossiping spies with unknown networks. And the Court of St. Petersburg thought that she was in line with the German [and British (and American)] Masonic Lodges to tear down the Russian Monarchy which was arguably stronger than the U.S. at the time, even thought the U. S. had just invented the lightbulb and the airplane.

As if this were not all bad enough, the heir to the Kingdom, Tsareivitch Alexei Romanov was born with hemophilia. Hemophilia, the cursed scourge visited upon the wealthy, as if some powerful cosmic force, although not quite God, yet powerful enough, seems to almost want to bring in an equalizing levelling force, out of sheer envy.

Today, hemophilia is treatable with a drug called Factor VIII, but in those days, it was quite unmanageable.

Every few generations, a Royal family will relent to accept a commoner into their ranks, just to breed some beauty into an otherwise [ugly] inbred family. However, this was not the case.
The German Tsarina, from the House of Hesse, was Queen Victoria of England's favourite niece, and of course being a product of this kind of genetic legacy, she gave birth to a son that was quite hemophiliac. This damned affliction which is a disorder of lacking the enzymes in the blood to form platelets, the essential organic precursor to scar tissue which stops blood haemorrhage.
In 1873, when she was less than one years old, she lost a three year old brother, "Frittie", after he fell out of a second storey window and died of hemophiliac haemorraging. Immediately following that event, there scarcely was perceptable a change in the usual somber Hessian household of the future Tsarina.
"Alix, you always play at being sorrowful," her cousin, Princess Marie Louise of Schleswig- Holstein remarked, "one day the Almighty will send you some crushing sorrows and then what will you do?"
Indeed, if the young Alexandra had been less perpetually dour, she might have appreciated the possible omenistic nature of this event.

It was unfortunate that she was not remembered for smiling more, for those who did see her smile, described her smile, that it was a smile which radiated her already beautiful face and did something unforgettable to her beautiful eyes. "Her smile was", in the language of the Russian peasant, "like the gift of a big silver dollar."

The presence of Rasputin visiting with the 'tsars' (Nicholas and Alexandra) in the house of a Ms. Ana Virubova was soon made an open secret amongst the Russian aristocracy, but however, the reason for Rasputin's presence could barely be guessed at. Rumors of orgies of Pokrovskoeian proportions, black masses, attempts at communicating with the German kaiser, and even seances were hinted at, but the real reason was of course, Alexei's hemophilia, which was at this point, a State Secret.
Rasputin was even to accompany the Royal Family at the rarified secluded villa of Tsarskoe Selo, and even on the family's annual holiday on the Baltic Sea aboard the Royal Yacht, the Standartt (one of a few Royal yacht, amongst others, including the Polar Star, and the Tamara).

There were, of course, from the start, some skeptics of Rasputin. Wrote Anastasia in her diary:
"Father Grigory is not a real priest. He is only a Khlyst!"


Chapter IV- The Royal Palace in the clutches of Rasputin

Once, in 1913, during a Te Deum mass which celebrated the Tercenteniary of the Romanov Dynasty, Rasputin appeared in the Kazan Cathedral and the Prime Minister at the time, to his angry astonishment, saw Rasputin walk in, wearing a fine silk crimson shirt, one of many dozens of shirts given to him as a gift from the Tsarina, a gold chain, a heavy wrought gold pectoral cross, patent leather boots, black pants, and a sable lined coat, and sat down on a seat reserved for one of the members of the Duma, the Russian Parliament.
"Get out at once, you vile heretic," the Prime Minister remarked.
"Oh Lord, forgive him such sin." Rasputin was heard to diffidently, yet amusedly answer as he left the building, riding away in a fine motorcar.

This story is going to have three lessons. The first lesson is, that, with confidence, you can do anything.

"You have the power to cloud men's minds if you use it."

-Stephen King

Rasputin reinvented himself, and he, being a nominally educated peasant could be enough of a scam artist to scam his way into an Imperial Household! And if he could do it, why not any of us?!

The next lesson, is never, ever fuck around with Royalty, High Politics, or politicians. That is like messing around with gun powder and nitroglycerin and wondering why one hasn't blown off one of their limbs yet, and feeling lucky for it. Rasputin preferred to live in the slum districts of St. Petersburg for it's uncomplicated simplicity, but he compromised the very reasons he chose to live in these Bohemian quarters every time he made a trip to the Royal Palace on some trivial pretense that did not directly involve healing the Tsareivitch.

And finally, the last lesson, is that Russia, the Russians are beautiful. All human cultures are beautiful if you are an amateur anthropologist like me. I saw this travel video made in 1984 about the Russian culture that contained this bullshit line, "We are making this video to show the Americans who it is exactly that they now, as we speak have 20,000 ICBMs aimed at us."
Well, Russia is over 4 times the size of the States, and Russia would have only needed 5,000 ICBMs to do the same job that 20,000 would have been required to do in Russia.
I cannot say that I would like, or dislike seeing a revival of the Tsarist monarchy in Russian. Perhaps it's time has truly come, and everything happens for a reason, so it is maybe best, that things are, the way they are now.

To speak of a Canadian connexion, since arriving in Canada in 1945 with her husband, Grand Duchess Olga (daughter of Tsar Alexander III, and sister of Tsar Nicholas II) lived on a farm near Toronto, where she died in 1960.

In the Kremlin, there is a carving above a doorway, of a lion with an apple in its mouth. That symbolizes the sentiment, not to repeat anything heard inside the Tsar's Palace. Rasputin it seems, may have overlooked this.


Chapter 6 - Firmly ensconced, in the "Holy of Holies"


Do not think that the life of Tsar Nicholas II and his family were tragic. There were in their lives arguably more good times than bad if you were to honestly stack them upon one another.
Tsar Nicholas II and his family enjoyed in their brief years more luxury than even you, my dear reader who may be quite wealthy in his own right wil see in seven lifetimes.
They had the rulership of a vast land stretching from the Caspian Sea to the Bering Straits.
They dined on solid gold plates.
They conted as amongst their bosom friends, the Monarchs of the Royal Houses around the World.
One of the Tsareivitch Alexei's many gifts from monarchs of distant lands was an elephant, from the King of Siam!
And the love that 'Nicky and Alexandra' had between them must be one of the greatest romances of the 20th Century. While so many families out there are so dysfunctional, a lot of people will never know love this intense.

Intense love in the midst of unimaginable luxury. What could be greater?

Those scruffy guards who tormented the Tsars in their last days could only guess at and wish for the Priveleged Luxuries that the Tsar was expert at.

Even if they had to spend a couple of months of house imprisonment in Ekaterinburg and then to suffer being shot which was more or less a quick death; -what the fuck, it was a good run!

Almost from the very day Rasputin made his presence felt at the Tsarist Palace compound, the Police were made aware of Rasputin. To gain an audience with the Tsar, one would have to go through Palace police, attendants, have their names signed in about twenty different registrars, then one would have to go through a security police force, phone calls and inquiries would be made and until then, one had to wait.

Initially, Rasputin met with the Royal couple at the house of Tsarina Alexandra's lady in waiting, and a mutual friend of Rasputin, Ms. Ana Virubova.

Soon, however, Rasputin was set up with a furnished luxury apartment in grotty, downtown St. Petersburg, paid for by the State.

The idea of an illustrated book is perhaps not that inconsistent with the ideals of Russian Orthodoxy. In the Russian Orthodox Church, there is a strict admonition against the reverence of idols, and graven images, etc. but there is nothing, as they see it, against establishing two dimensional icons, ie pictures and Russian Orthodox Churches although short on statues are large on pictures. And the pictures are intentionally stylized so that the shade of skin painted, a copper ruddy brown should be as far away as the actual skin tones on a person, giving the icons an outerwordly look.
I would like to have an Russian icon picture of St. Simeon! An illustated book, like a Russian icon follows the prederterminates of two-dimensionality.

Of course this realm was no stranger to the world of drugs.
At fashionable balls in St. Petersburg around the turn of the century, cocaine was snorted up a great many noses.
During the times of the Tsareivitch's illness, the Tsarina kept herself sedated through the liberal use of Veronal.

And there was an especially notable narcotic potentate, a Tibetan named Badmaev who until the appearance of Rasputin, was the Tsar's most trusted counsel regarding the precarious health of his son.
Originally from Tibet he was recognized early for his keen intellect and was spirited away to Russia where he became an Imperial retainer. Russia is a land that is influenced not only with the White Russian slavic, and Western European traditions, Russia also has imbued within the Black Russian traditions of the tartan khanate who was once very powerful in Russia.
Badmaev, a businessman in his own right, posessing a partnership in a trading company with the unlikely name of Badmaev & Ko (!). He was a shrewd political adviser, of the Tsar's most trusted.
However, it was his skill with dispensing medicines that he was most historically famous for. Jealous intriguers against Rasputin used to claim that Badmaev was secretly dispensing medicines to Rasputin to use for the Tsar, but actually, the medicines of Badmaev apparently did little to truly ward of the scourge of hemophilia that flowed through the young Tsareivitch Alexei's veins.
If Rasputin was not using Badmaev's "bad" drugs, that was certainly not to say that other members of the Imperial staff did not visit this Palace drug dealer. Indeed when the Tsar, his family and his entourage was taken away, Badmaev was included amongst the prisoners where he was sent to a Bolshevik prison in Siberia. Amazingly, while in prison, Badmaev's reputation proceeded him and soon, warders and prisoners alike began to turn to this small, bright, curious medicine man for advise and narcotic preparations.
For the young Tsareivitch's part, Badmaev routinely dispensed a mixture of hashish and henbane as a sedative.

Rasputin did not escape the notice or the envy of the more powerful Priests.
One day, Rasputin was invited to the Yuroslav Monastery home of Father Hermogen. He was invited by Iliodor, the Priest, who insisted that Hermogen wanted to see him. Incredulous, Rasputin agreed to go.
It was noted how it was strange, that the 'intuitive' saw nothing that day, just as he saw nothing the day he was led to his murder.
In the salon of the house was a civil servant, Ivan Alexandrovich, and a peasant named Mitya.
As Rasputin was hanging his coat, Iliodor exclaimed, "Look at this hat, Ivan Alexandrovich, it must have
have cost three hundred roubles. And his coat, this must have cost five thousand roubles!"
At this point, Hermogen sprang on Rasputin grabbing Rasputin's collar with his left hand and beating Rasputin with a heavy cross with the other. "You have brought dishonour to the Throne of Russia.
Stay away from the Empress, stop your fleshly sins with women!"
Rasputin was then forcibly brought to kneel before a huge stone cross, and as Ivan drew a sword, Rasputin was, in that posture made to promise to stay away from the Palace. This he did.
However, these promises made under an artificial type of pressure in the midst of the most protracted, almost contrived circumstances meant nothing to a shaman whose psychedelic basis of his relationship with God these narcotically uninititated peasants and civil servants knew nothing about.
Yet the record of this shaking event remained. And more ominous, was the date of this event, December 16. The date that Rasputin was to be murdered just a few years later.


The family Youssopov was one of the richest families in Russia. Counted amongst their ancestors were rulers of lands such as Egypt, Damascus, and Antioch. They had traditions dating back to when the tartar khans had dominion over the ancient land of Rus. Khanate factions such as in Crimea, Kazan, and Nogay were headed by warrior chieftains. The Nogay khan Warrior Chieftain, Khan Yusuf gave the family it's name.
Khan Yusuf's daughter Sembeki, had the curious history of marrying a succession of husbands in which the current husband would be killed by the next husband. In order to protect the sons from these horribly disastrous, and positively insane, homicidal marriages, Khan Yusuf sent his grandsons to Russia where they were graciously received by Ivan the Terrible and given favourable treatment, lands, etc.
This was the Seventeenth Century, and the family converted to Chistianity and changed their name to the Russian form, Youssopov.

It was not falling out of poetic justice that Rasputin was killed in the Youssopov Palace. One of the most famous murderers of Rasputin was a homosexual named Felix Youssopov and he was every bit as eccentric as his family name. In the Youssopov Palace in Russia, there are to this day, rooms found that have not appeared on any plans, and some of these rooms have famously, held boxes of jewels!
A famous ancestor lived in a hidden room in that palace, because next to that secret room was an even more secret smaller room where rumour has it that she had a coffin with a male decaying body inside. Far out! What a perfect setting for the bizarre murder of a surreal mystic!


Ironically, one of the people who shot at Rasputin was himself, a draft dodger who avoided military service. However, the person who really shot Rasputin was an athletic officer who was known as Dimitri.

According to some recently acquired archival papers, what actually happened the night of the murder was different from how it was reported.
The wine was poisoned, but the solution was too weak, since they were in a hurry.
Contrasting historical reports, women were present that evening, in fact, women were essential because Rasputin who 'heard the sound of voices' asked whose voices those were upstairs.
The cakes contained enough poison to kill an ox, surely enough, but the fact is, that the cakes were not touched.
Rasputin used to devote himself to austerities. On certain periods of religious empowerment, he would refuse meat, except fish, and he would refuse sweets.
Indeed, Rasputin avoided meat claiming that "meat blackens man, while fish lightens them." Grishka wold eat just like the apostles even breaking bread with his hands refusing to slice it. He claimed that if one were to avoid meat and live instead on fish, then one would acquire an imperceptible halo.
Rasputin famously, on a number of occasions would categorically refuse sweets, which, (as his daughter would write about,) he referred to as "scum". When Rasputin saw a bowl of sweets in the middle of a table, he would say, "I refuse to eat that scum." How aptly put. Scum indeed!

Maria Rasputin, his daughter would later write, in a very pleasant old world kind of language,
"Cyanide cakes, poisoned wine, music to drown out the sounds... a refinement in horror worthy of the Borgias."
Indeed she as well cites Rasputin was killed because of the lowly social position of his peasant background, although Siberian peasants were outside of the range of the serfs as then typically defined.


History would make infamous the events that befell the Imperial Family after the death of Rasputin. The Romanov daughters were given the option of exile, being told in no uncertain terms that after the four day train ride out of Tsarskoe Selo, that if they were to accompany their parents on the boat ride to Tobolsk, that they would not be guaranteed their safety, if indeed their lives. The wife of the Imperial Physician, Dr. Botkin, discreetly chose not to accompany her husband, but incredibly, the Romanov daughters would not hear of not accompanying their parents!!!

The boat ride wound its way up the river Tuva to the Siberian principality of Tobolsk. On its way there, the lazy steam engine chugged its way dreamily past the town of Pokrovskoe, Father Grigory's home town. At the sighting of that town, all of the Royals were called on deck, and from the countless descriptions that Rasputin had given them, they knew the town already. They could see Rasputin's father's house, and Rasputin's house, noting small details. How odd, they thought that providence would bring them this way to the home town of Father Gregory, as some form of divine reassurance...
After a minute, they looked behind them. The town had already disappeared behind a bend in the river.
They were on their way to Destiny.

bibliography:

1. Rasputin - Fulop Miller. 1927 Grethlein & Co. Leipzig. Viking Press USA

2. TSAR The Lost World of Nicholas and Alexandra - Peter Kurth. 1995 The Madison Press Ltd.

3. The Rasputin File - Edvard Radzinsky
2000 Random House, New York

4. The Life and Times of Gregorii Rasputin - Alex de Jonge 1982 Carroll and Graf Publishing Ltd.

5. A LIFELONG PASSION Nicholas and Alexandra. Their Own Story.
- Andrei Maylunas, Sergei Mironenko
1996 Weidenfeld & Nicolson

______________________________________________________



________________________________________________________________________________________

Monday, February 17, 2014

Planet of the Apes







Heaven on Earth.




Planet of the Cavies






And that completes my final report until we reach touchdown. In less than an hour we will finish our sixth month out of Cape Kennedy.
According to Dr Hesslein's theory of time in a vehicle travelling at nearly the speed of light, the Earth has aged nearly 700 years since we left it. While we've aged hardly at all. The men who sent us on this journey are long since dead and gone. I leave the 20th Century with no regrets. That's about it. Tell me though, does man still make war against his brother, keep his children starving?



Scene: March through forbidden zone.

Scene: Astronaut plants Canadian flag. Heston laughter.

If this is the best they got around here, in six months we'll be running this planet.




Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty cavie!









Youre a natural born killer. The forbidden zone was once a paradise. Your kind has turned it into a ruin. Man's ingenuity and his capacity to destroy go hand in hand.


What will he find out there?


His destiny.






I'm back. I'm home. All this time. You really did it this time! You maniacs! You blew it all up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!





Oh no! I was wrong! It was Earth all along! You finally made a monkey.

Yes we finally made a monkey.

Yes you finally made a monkey out of me!



_____________________________________________________


La Planet des Singes


Planet of the Apes


From the Pierre Boulle


Pierre Boulle's La Planet des Singes complete video from Dean Noble on Vimeo.







Jinn and Phyllis were interstellar tourists. They had reserved a flight aboard a sphere which sent travelers to distant stars like Sirius, Arcturus and Aldebaraan. They sailed aboard a spaceship with a rectractable sail. Traveling at near the speed of light, time dilated so that a hundred years was only a few weeks on Earth time. One day, lying together on their sides, they saw a glimmer of light in the window. Putting on a space suit, Phyllis left out a double trap door holding onto a rope in one hand and a net in the other. She had used the net before collecting things that travelers in faster rockets missed out on like remnants of planets, fragments of meteorites and satellite fragments. She pawed the ground franctically, urging Jinn to open the bottle. Less impatient,Jinn carefully pried off the top of the bottle. Seeing that the paper within was stuck in the bottle, Jinn heeded his wife's suggestion and smashed the bottle with a hammer. The manuscript within was many pieces of paper with small handwriting. Jinn knew the Earth language, having partly been educated on Earth. Phyllis, did not know how to read and begged Jinn to read the manuscript. He rectracted the sail so the ship could travel slower and lying down again beside his wife, he started reading:


"In hopes of averting a disaster to the human race."
"Human race?" Phyllis said.
"Yes, please don't interrupt." Jinn said."







....complete with a poultry farm...




The professor had brought along his chimp Hector.


"In the year 2500 we sailed in a ship complete with a vegetable, fruit, and poultry farm. We were travelling to Betelgeuse which is a huge blue star in the Constellation of Orion, the hunter. Placed in our solar system, it's radius would extend to the orbit of Mars. The ship would take a year to accelerate to near the speed of light and it would be necessary for it to take a year for the deceleration process. We were not bored for we learned from Professor Antelle more in that year than in all my previous years of existence. The professor had brought along his chimp Hector. We had three passengers, the professor, Arthur Levain, a young physician with a great future, and myself, Ulysee Merou, a journalist who the professor decided to hire for the journey as a result of an interview. It helped that I told the professor that I was a former chess champion.
Even if my story is not published for another 800 years.


The feeling of awe produced by such a sight cannot be described as we drew closer to Betelgeuse. Professor Antelle discovered the existence of four planets revolving around the central star. One of these resembled Earth. We landed on a planet whose dimensions approximated that of Earth. Our ship was not equipped for a landing but we landed on the planet using one of the launches. Our ship remained moored in orbit.




....reminded us of our meadows in Normandy.


We departed in one of the launches. Professor Antelle took some samples of the outside air and analyzed them. He found that they had the same composition as the atmosphere on Earth. I could discern the outline of continents. The form of the coastline was very different and nothing in the geography recalled anything from home. We flew over a town. I could make out the general architecture, broad streets and white houses with straight lines. Two years after leaving Earth, we landed in green grass which reminded us of our meadows in Normandy. We landed along with Hector at the edge of a lush green jungle.The trees were much larger than those on Earth. We landed in the middle of an Asiatic jungle.
It was a waterfall!





The trees were much larger than those on Earth.




Professor Antelle scooped a little up in his hand and said, "It can't be anything but water." He gave an exclamation of surprise. There, beneath Betelgeuse above our heads like an enormous red balloon was the print of a human foot. "It's a woman's foot." said Arthur Levain. I held my breath at the marvelous beauty of this creature from Soror, illuminated by the blood red beams of Betelgeuse. I named her 'Nova' in comparison to a brilliant star.We heard a noise in the forest and our friend Hector came into view.
As he passed, without noticing her, she sprang out. She seized him by the throat and closed her hands around his neck while she held the poor creature firm between her thighs. Her attack was so swift the monkey hardly struggled. He fell dead when she let go of him. The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. At dawn the next day, we heard her approach. She was not alone. A man was with her. It was her father. They led us to an area where there were many wild primitive humans.


Note: In the movie The Planet of the Apes, they made it a primitive city because of money worries. However, in the novel, the ape planet was extremely futuristic. I'll have to portray that but I already have an idea in mind. The Ape planet was even more futuristic than the World Jinn and Phyllis departed from, which is futuristic enough.



Note: The Planet Soror, since it has a red sun, would never have even a trace of blue in the sky. In the 'year 2500 scene' as the space ship was taking off from Earth, it had a red sky as a foreshadowing of Soror.
The flowers in the forest foreshadow the appearance of Nova.
The green plastic cups in Jinn and Phyllis' space ship are the same that the civilized apes will be drinking out of.



Note: My intention is not to slavishly depict every minutia in the story. That is not a priority.



Unnarrated segment, foley effects throughout: Apes arrive on helicopters to the crowd of primitive humans. They fire from their guns. Arthur Levain is shot dead as he runs. Shot in the throat.


Narrated: His dark brown jacket seemed to be made by the best Paris tailor and revealed underneath a check shirt of the kind our sportsmen wear. His breeches, flaring out slightly above his calves, terminated in a pair of leggings. There the resemblance ended: instead of boots he wore big black gloves.


Narrated: The house, with its red tiled roof, green shutters and an inscription on a panel at the entrance, looked like an inn. I realized at once it was a meeting place for the hunt. It was a classical hunting scene.


The humans are marched into the ultra advanced futuristic city. columns 500 storeys high extend into the stratosphere like human hands reaching up to touch the legs of a flying ghost, the towers are the hands and the stratospheric clouds are the flying ghost. To avoid the hands the ghost has to fly higher.
Anyways, getting back to the story, presumably from what I read in Wikipedia and other places, Ulysee Merou is placed with Nova in a cage in a scene with other humanoids. Over time, Professor Antelle has regressed to a primitive state.



Music segment: ELO Strange Magic: Various shots of the futuristic city. The old city with the wide promenade, the Ministry of Justice where Dr Zais the ape works is seen.
A Central Park New York scene is depicted with flying cars like in the future. A multistorey airport is depicted. Some buildings with wrought iron ape characters depicted in the architecture, and finally a close up shot of the Ministry of Justice.



Narrated: The town, which I had barely glimpsed upon my arrival was peopled by monkey pedestrians, monkey shopkeepers, monkey businessmen and monkeys in uniform whose job it was to maintain law and order. What struck me most of all was the way the pedestrians crossed the street. There were no marked-out crossings only overhead passages consisting of metal frames to which they clung with their hands.




Narrated segment: Ulysee Merou and Nova make friends with Dr Zira and Cornelius who are senior surgeons at the planet of the apes answer to Johns Hopkins University Hospital.
Dr Cornelius: I am Dr Cornelius, senior surgeon at this hospital. This is Dr Zira, my fiancee. Tell me about yourself.
Merou: I am from another planet, another time. My ship landed here.



Narrated: Ulysee Merou is led to a trial room. Many apes are sitting around at tables, male and female apes are the judges. Instead of a formal courtroom like with humans, the apes have their courtroom tables copiously stacked with fine food and they are drinking from green cups seen on Jinn and Phyllis' ship.



Dr Zaius: And now the Tribunal has placed you in my custody for...final disposition. Do you know what that means?
Merou: No.
Dr. Zaius: Experimental surgery,on the speech centers; on the brain. Ultimately, a kind of living death.




Narrated: Determined to spare Ulysee the indignity of further trials, Dr Zira and Cornelius spirit me away. We set off a week later. A special plane had been put at our disposal. We climbed to a height of about 30 thousand feet. My only thought was to enjoy the view and the spectacular sight of Betelgeuse rising.
This prehistoric city itself is not very different from those of the present day. We have discovered remnants of cars and traces of houses and airplanes.
Although for some reason, it does not occur to Ulysee it is Times Square in New York, but a fucked up version of it.
They encounter a man wandering through the rubble. The apes commandeer him and strap him to a chair and hook electrodes to his head making him look like a patient undergoing Ludevecho Therapy as seen in A Clockwork Orange.
Under hypnotherapy, he admits that he once licked his sisters pussy. Note: Soror means sister.
The apes shake their head and regard this as irrelevant and pry him further. He then elaborates on the story of the past when apes in masses emerged from zoos and also the jungle and took over the human civilization.




Note: In this This telepathic depiction I chose to go with the full colour version of the telepathic serpent versus the transparent version of the telepathic serpent, similar to the one in the movie The Abyss from director James Cameron. The telepathic serpent typically shows the big thoughts and the little thoughts, ulterior motives and thoughts you might not even be aware that you have.
There are short telepathic thought tubes and long telepathic thought tubes, depending on the distance of the person you are telepathing to whether they are close or farther away.













Narrated: Ulysee and Nova make it back to the launch and it lifts off back to the ship. The trip back to Earth takes about two years. Nova is pregnant and delivers a child they name Sirius. In the two years, Nova and even Sirius learn to talk well enough to form basic sentences. The launch arrives on Earth. In the daylight, they see the Eiffel Tower of Paris. Then they see the familiar sight of Orly airport in Paris where they plan to land. The ship stops in the middle of the tarmac. In the distance, they see a jeep. Using the binocular aspect of their vision, Ulysee and Nova look again and see that emerging from the jeep is an army general. He, and his friends are gorillas.



Narrated: Jinn looked at Phyllis and said, "It's time we turned back." Unfurling the sails again, started for Earth. As they looked out the window at the stars, Jinn touched Phyllis's nose. They are apes.





I sure hope that Hollywood one day, does a movie that's faithful to the novel. This is a promotional ad trailer for my cartoon. Made on Sunday, April 17, 2017.




Friday, December 13, 2013

Frosty The Snowman


Frosty The Snowman




A reboot.



Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
and two eyes made out of coal

Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say
He was made of snow but the children
know how he came to life one day

There must have been some magic in that
old silk hat they found
For when they placed it on his head
he began to dance around

O
Frosty the snowman
was alive as he could be
And the children say he could laugh
and play just the same as you and me

Frosty the snowman knew
the sun was hot that day
So he said
"Let's run and
we'll have some fun
now before I melt away

" Down to the village
with a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all
around the square saying
Catch me if you can

He led them down the streets of town
right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when
he heard him holler "Stop!"

For Frosty the snow man
had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye saying
"Don't you cry
I'll be back again some day

" thumpty thump thump
thump thump thump
Look at Frosty go
thumpty thump thump
thump thump thump
Over the hills of snow






I included Province of British Columbia and Government of Canada in the end credits because they actually financially make it possible for me to have a studio and an ongoing internet connection. Also,it gives it a 70s arthouse, PBS kind of feel to it.



______________________________________________

Magic Rabbit




______________________________________________

Happy New Year 2014




Remember, what was once an escape is now a trap.


_____________________________________________


The Legend of Han Solo and Tobacco the Wookie





Narrator: Dean Noble






Years before he married Princess Leia, Han Solo sat aboard the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon. He was chainsmoking as usual, which was, he was lighting the next cigarette with the stub end of the cigarette he was currently smoking and doing it four cigarettes in a row. He usually smoked about a carton a week.






One day, during a routine examination aboard the Rebel space cruiser, the ship surgeon, Two-One-Bee said that unless Han Solo stopped smoking, he would develop something called Tatooine lung which was a chronic lung disease which afflicted many old men in Tatooine.


Han Solo was at wit's end about what to do until he flew to the planet Kashyyk where he met Tobacco the wookie.




Tobacco the wookie was the color of a tobacco leaf and whenever Han Solo had a nic fit, he would rip some of Tobacco fur covering which was really a hair like material made of tobacco leaf material and he would use it as chewing tobacco.


_______________________________________________


Eternal Axel





For the first time, here on video, the World's record for the axel has been smashed. The single, double, and triple axel have been achieved. But never mind the quadruple axel. For the first time in history, the eternal axle has been achieved. Otherwise only a ghost in the dreamworld could do this.


This could take awhile.....





Friend: "Here. Try this energy drink. It is fantastic. It will literally give you endless energy."


Skater: "Sure! I'll give it a shot!"




****************************


Skater: "Holy fuck! That was an amazing energy drink! I never had anything like it! I'm still buzzing!"


Friend: "See, I told you."





Sunday, November 17, 2013

Advice For The Young At Heart and Poems





Advice For The Young At Heart


1) They always had it in for you and this is just a handy excuse. You always had it in for them and this is just a handy excuse.

2) People will talk about shit that you are not doing wrong as if it was shit that you are doing wrong. But what can you say about the human species? 70 years ago, they were throwing people into ovens.

3.) When you come up with a good point about something they will come back at you with an ad hominem attack. That only underscores that while you may have failed on an individual level, they failed on a collective level.

4.) "That suicidal person looked normal outwardly. But inwardly, there was something wrong with their day to day telepathy." psychic George Anderson

5.) Don't ever lose that imagination.

6.) "Before going to court, there are a few pieces of evidence that I have to neutralize." Howard Marks




In order for someone to get to you, they first have to climb over the wall that is themselves first. And on some mornings, that wall is difficult to climb.



Some place barring you from that place is spurious, extraneous, redundant, and irrelevant. You were never legally required to go there to begin with. You were never even morally required to go there. You weren't even aesthetically required to go there.



______________________________________________________________________________________





POEMS



Poem 1: Suicide Poem*: Suicide baby, that's the way to do it,
Get some heroin and get down to it!

abbreviated form:

Suicide bee, that's the way to do,
Get some hair, get down to


fictional note: 'Suicide Baby' won me the $100,000 Poem of the Year in Canada.

2: Mother Mother, Demon lover.

3. Find them all kill them all, fuck them all kill them all.

4. Dead, dead, everybody dead. Death death, everybody death!

5. Fucked in the head, everybody dead. Fucked in the head, everybody dead.

6. Fucked up y'all, fucked up y'all.



*copyright Dean Noble



____________________________________________



Women In Their 20s or In Praise of Older Women




"Yo' man what do you expect the guy's a gigolo man" Buffalo Stance, Neneh Cherry



_____________________________________________



Why I Don't Watch The News



__________________________________________________


English vs Ethnic




Amateur anthropology.




____________________________________________________


She Said He Said





I decided to release this, the prequel to My Wedding Miracle.


Monday, March 31, 2014


____________________________________________________


My Wedding Miracle





My wedding would be The Miracle of the Century.


Sunday, October 20, 2013

A Strange New Ideal





_____________________________________________________

Friday, October 4, 2013

Dean Noble Halloween Special


Musical group.













Ice Cold Coca Cola Sold Here









November 8, 2013 PSP camera



Dean Noble Halloween Special


Here I am at the lockup on Halloween night. I was locked up here with a few other people who were wearing Halloween costumes. They were here for the usual reasons.
This is how it started.
I was looking in the want-ads at the diner because my fridge broke down.


I drove to the address that was listed in the want-ads. A person answered the door.
"I am here about the fridge that was advertised in the newspaper."
"Grunt grunt grunt grunt."
When I asked about getting a receipt, he said, "It works. You don't need a receipt!"
I accepted that. I took the fridge out onto the street.
And just then there was a cop car that turned on the siren and flashed the lights, stopped me in the middle of the street and asked me where I got the fridge.
I pointed over there to the house.
But since there was no receipt, it couldn't be proven.


Well, a few hours later, the Police did get to the bottom of it after they led a sniffer dog into the house and found the culprit.

Here I am being released from prison.
That was how I spent this year's Halloween.


copyright Dean Noble

____________________________________

STAR WARS Twin Suns




STAR WARS twin suns. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bq05sRSQDcI … Luke Skywalker stares into the twin suns of Tatooine. In one sun is the first story. Man smokes PCP, getting wet, Denzel Washington Training Day. Then goes to a bank machine and withdraws a massive amount of money, all while wearing very little clothing. Goes into a toy store and purchases STAR WARS figures and inserts them into his uh, rectum. None of this would be shown, only implied in animated cartoon form. Then on a hospital computer screen, nurse is looking at, 'localized injury in rectum'Now if you could not read English that would not make sense to you so it only affects the right brain not the left, like seeing a picture of a war and not knowing which side should win. Anyways the surgeon says, "Nurse, scalpel, forceps," and he then says, "OMG! A rare issue shadow trooper! They only made less than a hundred of these. This is the most rarest and most majorly one!"


Second Sun: Luke Skywalker looks into the second sun and sees http://deathstarpr.blogspot.ca/2010/09/commemorative.html … A man looks online and yearns for Owen and Beru, the charred version action figures but all the ebay listings are stamped SOLD OUT. He instead orders two sets of normal Owen and Beru action figures but with one of the sets, he takes a blowtorch to them, to incinerate them to approximate that desired laser charbroiled quality.



___________________________________________________________________


PSP Camera


Life is full of surprises. Today, on October 23, 2013, I got a PSP camera. When I woke up this morning, I did not suspect at all that I would get a high def PSP camera. I already have a Kodak camera and a camera with a Zeiss Lens.





These images are HD amd there is also a video camera set up as well. It takes videos in higher def than my old Kodak 10 mP camera.

__________________________________________________________________________

Remembrance Day 2013



June 18, 2014 is the 100th Anniversary of the start of World War One.
This year's Remembrance Day is the commemoration of that.


If I were to do this video next Remembrance Day, the 100th Anniversary will then have already happened.


Buzz Feed Video Impossible Coincidences That Actually Happened


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mavIpoQU2h8