Monday, February 17, 2014

Planet of the Apes







Heaven on Earth.




Planet of the Cavies






And that completes my final report until we reach touchdown. In less than an hour we will finish our sixth month out of Cape Kennedy.
According to Dr Hesslein's theory of time in a vehicle travelling at nearly the speed of light, the Earth has aged nearly 700 years since we left it. While we've aged hardly at all. The men who sent us on this journey are long since dead and gone. I leave the 20th Century with no regrets. That's about it. Tell me though, does man still make war against his brother, keep his children starving?



Scene: March through forbidden zone.

Scene: Astronaut plants Canadian flag. Heston laughter.

If this is the best they got around here, in six months we'll be running this planet.




Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty cavie!









Youre a natural born killer. The forbidden zone was once a paradise. Your kind has turned it into a ruin. Man's ingenuity and his capacity to destroy go hand in hand.


What will he find out there?


His destiny.






I'm back. I'm home. All this time. You really did it this time! You maniacs! You blew it all up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!





Oh no! I was wrong! It was Earth all along! You finally made a monkey.

Yes we finally made a monkey.

Yes you finally made a monkey out of me!



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La Planet des Singes


Planet of the Apes


From the Pierre Boulle


Pierre Boulle's La Planet des Singes complete video from Dean Noble on Vimeo.







Jinn and Phyllis were interstellar tourists. They had reserved a flight aboard a sphere which sent travelers to distant stars like Sirius, Arcturus and Aldebaraan. They sailed aboard a spaceship with a rectractable sail. Traveling at near the speed of light, time dilated so that a hundred years was only a few weeks on Earth time. One day, lying together on their sides, they saw a glimmer of light in the window. Putting on a space suit, Phyllis left out a double trap door holding onto a rope in one hand and a net in the other. She had used the net before collecting things that travelers in faster rockets missed out on like remnants of planets, fragments of meteorites and satellite fragments. She pawed the ground franctically, urging Jinn to open the bottle. Less impatient,Jinn carefully pried off the top of the bottle. Seeing that the paper within was stuck in the bottle, Jinn heeded his wife's suggestion and smashed the bottle with a hammer. The manuscript within was many pieces of paper with small handwriting. Jinn knew the Earth language, having partly been educated on Earth. Phyllis, did not know how to read and begged Jinn to read the manuscript. He rectracted the sail so the ship could travel slower and lying down again beside his wife, he started reading:


"In hopes of averting a disaster to the human race."
"Human race?" Phyllis said.
"Yes, please don't interrupt." Jinn said."







....complete with a poultry farm...




The professor had brought along his chimp Hector.


"In the year 2500 we sailed in a ship complete with a vegetable, fruit, and poultry farm. We were travelling to Betelgeuse which is a huge blue star in the Constellation of Orion, the hunter. Placed in our solar system, it's radius would extend to the orbit of Mars. The ship would take a year to accelerate to near the speed of light and it would be necessary for it to take a year for the deceleration process. We were not bored for we learned from Professor Antelle more in that year than in all my previous years of existence. The professor had brought along his chimp Hector. We had three passengers, the professor, Arthur Levain, a young physician with a great future, and myself, Ulysee Merou, a journalist who the professor decided to hire for the journey as a result of an interview. It helped that I told the professor that I was a former chess champion.
Even if my story is not published for another 800 years.


The feeling of awe produced by such a sight cannot be described as we drew closer to Betelgeuse. Professor Antelle discovered the existence of four planets revolving around the central star. One of these resembled Earth. We landed on a planet whose dimensions approximated that of Earth. Our ship was not equipped for a landing but we landed on the planet using one of the launches. Our ship remained moored in orbit.




....reminded us of our meadows in Normandy.


We departed in one of the launches. Professor Antelle took some samples of the outside air and analyzed them. He found that they had the same composition as the atmosphere on Earth. I could discern the outline of continents. The form of the coastline was very different and nothing in the geography recalled anything from home. We flew over a town. I could make out the general architecture, broad streets and white houses with straight lines. Two years after leaving Earth, we landed in green grass which reminded us of our meadows in Normandy. We landed along with Hector at the edge of a lush green jungle.The trees were much larger than those on Earth. We landed in the middle of an Asiatic jungle.
It was a waterfall!





The trees were much larger than those on Earth.




Professor Antelle scooped a little up in his hand and said, "It can't be anything but water." He gave an exclamation of surprise. There, beneath Betelgeuse above our heads like an enormous red balloon was the print of a human foot. "It's a woman's foot." said Arthur Levain. I held my breath at the marvelous beauty of this creature from Soror, illuminated by the blood red beams of Betelgeuse. I named her 'Nova' in comparison to a brilliant star.We heard a noise in the forest and our friend Hector came into view.
As he passed, without noticing her, she sprang out. She seized him by the throat and closed her hands around his neck while she held the poor creature firm between her thighs. Her attack was so swift the monkey hardly struggled. He fell dead when she let go of him. The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. At dawn the next day, we heard her approach. She was not alone. A man was with her. It was her father. They led us to an area where there were many wild primitive humans.


Note: In the movie The Planet of the Apes, they made it a primitive city because of money worries. However, in the novel, the ape planet was extremely futuristic. I'll have to portray that but I already have an idea in mind. The Ape planet was even more futuristic than the World Jinn and Phyllis departed from, which is futuristic enough.



Note: The Planet Soror, since it has a red sun, would never have even a trace of blue in the sky. In the 'year 2500 scene' as the space ship was taking off from Earth, it had a red sky as a foreshadowing of Soror.
The flowers in the forest foreshadow the appearance of Nova.
The green plastic cups in Jinn and Phyllis' space ship are the same that the civilized apes will be drinking out of.



Note: My intention is not to slavishly depict every minutia in the story. That is not a priority.



Unnarrated segment, foley effects throughout: Apes arrive on helicopters to the crowd of primitive humans. They fire from their guns. Arthur Levain is shot dead as he runs. Shot in the throat.


Narrated: His dark brown jacket seemed to be made by the best Paris tailor and revealed underneath a check shirt of the kind our sportsmen wear. His breeches, flaring out slightly above his calves, terminated in a pair of leggings. There the resemblance ended: instead of boots he wore big black gloves.


Narrated: The house, with its red tiled roof, green shutters and an inscription on a panel at the entrance, looked like an inn. I realized at once it was a meeting place for the hunt. It was a classical hunting scene.


The humans are marched into the ultra advanced futuristic city. columns 500 storeys high extend into the stratosphere like human hands reaching up to touch the legs of a flying ghost, the towers are the hands and the stratospheric clouds are the flying ghost. To avoid the hands the ghost has to fly higher.
Anyways, getting back to the story, presumably from what I read in Wikipedia and other places, Ulysee Merou is placed with Nova in a cage in a scene with other humanoids. Over time, Professor Antelle has regressed to a primitive state.



Music segment: ELO Strange Magic: Various shots of the futuristic city. The old city with the wide promenade, the Ministry of Justice where Dr Zais the ape works is seen.
A Central Park New York scene is depicted with flying cars like in the future. A multistorey airport is depicted. Some buildings with wrought iron ape characters depicted in the architecture, and finally a close up shot of the Ministry of Justice.



Narrated: The town, which I had barely glimpsed upon my arrival was peopled by monkey pedestrians, monkey shopkeepers, monkey businessmen and monkeys in uniform whose job it was to maintain law and order. What struck me most of all was the way the pedestrians crossed the street. There were no marked-out crossings only overhead passages consisting of metal frames to which they clung with their hands.




Narrated segment: Ulysee Merou and Nova make friends with Dr Zira and Cornelius who are senior surgeons at the planet of the apes answer to Johns Hopkins University Hospital.
Dr Cornelius: I am Dr Cornelius, senior surgeon at this hospital. This is Dr Zira, my fiancee. Tell me about yourself.
Merou: I am from another planet, another time. My ship landed here.



Narrated: Ulysee Merou is led to a trial room. Many apes are sitting around at tables, male and female apes are the judges. Instead of a formal courtroom like with humans, the apes have their courtroom tables copiously stacked with fine food and they are drinking from green cups seen on Jinn and Phyllis' ship.



Dr Zaius: And now the Tribunal has placed you in my custody for...final disposition. Do you know what that means?
Merou: No.
Dr. Zaius: Experimental surgery,on the speech centers; on the brain. Ultimately, a kind of living death.




Narrated: Determined to spare Ulysee the indignity of further trials, Dr Zira and Cornelius spirit me away. We set off a week later. A special plane had been put at our disposal. We climbed to a height of about 30 thousand feet. My only thought was to enjoy the view and the spectacular sight of Betelgeuse rising.
This prehistoric city itself is not very different from those of the present day. We have discovered remnants of cars and traces of houses and airplanes.
Although for some reason, it does not occur to Ulysee it is Times Square in New York, but a fucked up version of it.
They encounter a man wandering through the rubble. The apes commandeer him and strap him to a chair and hook electrodes to his head making him look like a patient undergoing Ludevecho Therapy as seen in A Clockwork Orange.
Under hypnotherapy, he admits that he once licked his sisters pussy. Note: Soror means sister.
The apes shake their head and regard this as irrelevant and pry him further. He then elaborates on the story of the past when apes in masses emerged from zoos and also the jungle and took over the human civilization.




Note: In this This telepathic depiction I chose to go with the full colour version of the telepathic serpent versus the transparent version of the telepathic serpent, similar to the one in the movie The Abyss from director James Cameron. The telepathic serpent typically shows the big thoughts and the little thoughts, ulterior motives and thoughts you might not even be aware that you have.
There are short telepathic thought tubes and long telepathic thought tubes, depending on the distance of the person you are telepathing to whether they are close or farther away.













Narrated: Ulysee and Nova make it back to the launch and it lifts off back to the ship. The trip back to Earth takes about two years. Nova is pregnant and delivers a child they name Sirius. In the two years, Nova and even Sirius learn to talk well enough to form basic sentences. The launch arrives on Earth. In the daylight, they see the Eiffel Tower of Paris. Then they see the familiar sight of Orly airport in Paris where they plan to land. The ship stops in the middle of the tarmac. In the distance, they see a jeep. Using the binocular aspect of their vision, Ulysee and Nova look again and see that emerging from the jeep is an army general. He, and his friends are gorillas.



Narrated: Jinn looked at Phyllis and said, "It's time we turned back." Unfurling the sails again, started for Earth. As they looked out the window at the stars, Jinn touched Phyllis's nose. They are apes.





I sure hope that Hollywood one day, does a movie that's faithful to the novel. This is a promotional ad trailer for my cartoon. Made on Sunday, April 17, 2017.




Friday, December 13, 2013

Frosty The Snowman


Frosty The Snowman




A reboot.



Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
and two eyes made out of coal

Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say
He was made of snow but the children
know how he came to life one day

There must have been some magic in that
old silk hat they found
For when they placed it on his head
he began to dance around

O
Frosty the snowman
was alive as he could be
And the children say he could laugh
and play just the same as you and me

Frosty the snowman knew
the sun was hot that day
So he said
"Let's run and
we'll have some fun
now before I melt away

" Down to the village
with a broomstick in his hand
Running here and there all
around the square saying
Catch me if you can

He led them down the streets of town
right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when
he heard him holler "Stop!"

For Frosty the snow man
had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye saying
"Don't you cry
I'll be back again some day

" thumpty thump thump
thump thump thump
Look at Frosty go
thumpty thump thump
thump thump thump
Over the hills of snow






I included Province of British Columbia and Government of Canada in the end credits because they actually financially make it possible for me to have a studio and an ongoing internet connection. Also,it gives it a 70s arthouse, PBS kind of feel to it.



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Magic Rabbit




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Happy New Year 2014




Remember, what was once an escape is now a trap.


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The Legend of Han Solo and Tobacco the Wookie





Narrator: Dean Noble






Years before he married Princess Leia, Han Solo sat aboard the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon. He was chainsmoking as usual, which was, he was lighting the next cigarette with the stub end of the cigarette he was currently smoking and doing it four cigarettes in a row. He usually smoked about a carton a week.






One day, during a routine examination aboard the Rebel space cruiser, the ship surgeon, Two-One-Bee said that unless Han Solo stopped smoking, he would develop something called Tatooine lung which was a chronic lung disease which afflicted many old men in Tatooine.


Han Solo was at wit's end about what to do until he flew to the planet Kashyyk where he met Tobacco the wookie.




Tobacco the wookie was the color of a tobacco leaf and whenever Han Solo had a nic fit, he would rip some of Tobacco fur covering which was really a hair like material made of tobacco leaf material and he would use it as chewing tobacco.


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Eternal Axel





For the first time, here on video, the World's record for the axel has been smashed. The single, double, and triple axel have been achieved. But never mind the quadruple axel. For the first time in history, the eternal axle has been achieved. Otherwise only a ghost in the dreamworld could do this.


This could take awhile.....





Friend: "Here. Try this energy drink. It is fantastic. It will literally give you endless energy."


Skater: "Sure! I'll give it a shot!"




****************************


Skater: "Holy fuck! That was an amazing energy drink! I never had anything like it! I'm still buzzing!"


Friend: "See, I told you."





Sunday, November 17, 2013

Advice For The Young At Heart and Poems





Advice For The Young At Heart


1) They always had it in for you and this is just a handy excuse. You always had it in for them and this is just a handy excuse.

2) People will talk about shit that you are not doing wrong as if it was shit that you are doing wrong. But what can you say about the human species? 70 years ago, they were throwing people into ovens.

3.) When you come up with a good point about something they will come back at you with an ad hominem attack. That only underscores that while you may have failed on an individual level, they failed on a collective level.

4.) "That suicidal person looked normal outwardly. But inwardly, there was something wrong with their day to day telepathy." psychic George Anderson

5.) Don't ever lose that imagination.

6.) "Before going to court, there are a few pieces of evidence that I have to neutralize." Howard Marks




In order for someone to get to you, they first have to climb over the wall that is themselves first. And on some mornings, that wall is difficult to climb.



Some place barring you from that place is spurious, extraneous, redundant, and irrelevant. You were never legally required to go there to begin with. You were never even morally required to go there. You weren't even aesthetically required to go there.



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POEMS



Poem 1: Suicide Poem*: Suicide baby, that's the way to do it,
Get some heroin and get down to it!

abbreviated form:

Suicide bee, that's the way to do,
Get some hair, get down to


fictional note: 'Suicide Baby' won me the $100,000 Poem of the Year in Canada.

2: Mother Mother, Demon lover.

3. Find them all kill them all, fuck them all kill them all.

4. Dead, dead, everybody dead. Death death, everybody death!

5. Fucked in the head, everybody dead. Fucked in the head, everybody dead.

6. Fucked up y'all, fucked up y'all.



*copyright Dean Noble



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Women In Their 20s or In Praise of Older Women




"Yo' man what do you expect the guy's a gigolo man" Buffalo Stance, Neneh Cherry



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Why I Don't Watch The News



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English vs Ethnic




Amateur anthropology.




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She Said He Said





I decided to release this, the prequel to My Wedding Miracle.


Monday, March 31, 2014


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My Wedding Miracle





My wedding would be The Miracle of the Century.


Sunday, October 20, 2013

A Strange New Ideal





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Friday, October 4, 2013

Dean Noble Halloween Special


Musical group.













Ice Cold Coca Cola Sold Here









November 8, 2013 PSP camera



Dean Noble Halloween Special


Here I am at the lockup on Halloween night. I was locked up here with a few other people who were wearing Halloween costumes. They were here for the usual reasons.
This is how it started.
I was looking in the want-ads at the diner because my fridge broke down.


I drove to the address that was listed in the want-ads. A person answered the door.
"I am here about the fridge that was advertised in the newspaper."
"Grunt grunt grunt grunt."
When I asked about getting a receipt, he said, "It works. You don't need a receipt!"
I accepted that. I took the fridge out onto the street.
And just then there was a cop car that turned on the siren and flashed the lights, stopped me in the middle of the street and asked me where I got the fridge.
I pointed over there to the house.
But since there was no receipt, it couldn't be proven.


Well, a few hours later, the Police did get to the bottom of it after they led a sniffer dog into the house and found the culprit.

Here I am being released from prison.
That was how I spent this year's Halloween.


copyright Dean Noble

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STAR WARS Twin Suns




STAR WARS twin suns. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bq05sRSQDcI … Luke Skywalker stares into the twin suns of Tatooine. In one sun is the first story. Man smokes PCP, getting wet, Denzel Washington Training Day. Then goes to a bank machine and withdraws a massive amount of money, all while wearing very little clothing. Goes into a toy store and purchases STAR WARS figures and inserts them into his uh, rectum. None of this would be shown, only implied in animated cartoon form. Then on a hospital computer screen, nurse is looking at, 'localized injury in rectum'Now if you could not read English that would not make sense to you so it only affects the right brain not the left, like seeing a picture of a war and not knowing which side should win. Anyways the surgeon says, "Nurse, scalpel, forceps," and he then says, "OMG! A rare issue shadow trooper! They only made less than a hundred of these. This is the most rarest and most majorly one!"


Second Sun: Luke Skywalker looks into the second sun and sees http://deathstarpr.blogspot.ca/2010/09/commemorative.html … A man looks online and yearns for Owen and Beru, the charred version action figures but all the ebay listings are stamped SOLD OUT. He instead orders two sets of normal Owen and Beru action figures but with one of the sets, he takes a blowtorch to them, to incinerate them to approximate that desired laser charbroiled quality.



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PSP Camera


Life is full of surprises. Today, on October 23, 2013, I got a PSP camera. When I woke up this morning, I did not suspect at all that I would get a high def PSP camera. I already have a Kodak camera and a camera with a Zeiss Lens.





These images are HD amd there is also a video camera set up as well. It takes videos in higher def than my old Kodak 10 mP camera.

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Remembrance Day 2013



June 18, 2014 is the 100th Anniversary of the start of World War One.
This year's Remembrance Day is the commemoration of that.


If I were to do this video next Remembrance Day, the 100th Anniversary will then have already happened.


Buzz Feed Video Impossible Coincidences That Actually Happened


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mavIpoQU2h8

Thursday, August 1, 2013

August 1, Bangkok Anniversary Day

A few years ago, your humble director went to Thailand for 3 vacations, staying a total of 13 months.
To prove I was there, I will publish these pictures.


































photographs: Jen and I at a photo booth at Ngam Wong Wan shopping mall, in October 2001.





















photographs: Me and Dew at Wat Pra Keow. Dew took most of the pictures.






photographs: Yours Truly at Khao Din Zoo at Suan Dusit Park, in Bangkok.




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