The Comedy Emporium
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Small Town Blues
At the airport of an unspecified town, two ladies were present discussing the demographics of the town they were in.
One of the ladies was someone who lived in the town for a long time. The other lady was a lady newly arrived and now newly leaving, having chartered a small plane to get her out of there.
The lady who was a newbie, Becky, said that during her lunch hours the first week working at the bank, she was standing outside and on a smoke break. About three men approached her and asked her if she was a prostitute and if she was the men would be willing to give her money. Of course the men were very classy about it and the money was only ever implied and never directly inferred.
The lady who lived in the town, Stephanie, said don't worry, I think I know some of the ones you are talking about they did not mean it. It was just their way of saying hi. It is strange you ran into so many of them. Usually a woman who is a newcomer just runs into one of those guys. You should stay in this town, once you get to know them, you will like them.
On the other end of town, at the Greyhound station, a man was on his way out after a couple of years of living there and not having even met one woman, after not getting laid even once. His name is David. Another guy was there with him, someone in town named Chuck. Commiserating over, Chuck said, it is strange that you ran into none of the women. Usually they are very friendly and newcomers are generally very lucky. You should stay in this town, you will meet one you like, eventually, for sure.
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Tumessa
Tumessa is a drug that is like pharmatron that claims to promote a regular lifestyle which is a fancy way of saying a drug which operates along the same lines as Viagra.
This was a case very much like Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine where the bank gives out free guns for starting an account with that bank and even those with mental illness as long as it is not associated with any violent incidents in the past were allowed to own a gun.
The Tumessa promise was that if our product did not work, not only would you get your money back, we would give you a gun, because let's face it, how much is your life worth if you can't get it up even with our product which is so good it makes Viagra look like saltpeter or opium which are drugs which totally inhibit erections. Yeah, if you can't raise your own interests even with our product, I guess you had better kill yourself.
The gun issued was a snub nosed thirty eight, one with the round cartridge so it was not an automatic at all as an automatic has no old fashioned round cartridge. It was a cheap model, otherwise referred to as a Saturday night special.
At the clinic, people were walking out with guns, but the guns did not have any bullets which was a strange metaphorical mocking of their condition. If the patients decided to get bullets and if the gun owner saw any kind of despondent look on the face, he would call the Police saying it is another customer with a Tumessa gun looking to get bullets and the Police would personally escort that person to seek psychiatric counselling.
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Can The Guinea Pigs Take Care Of My Book?
I was going on vacation for a year and I had a rare, one of a kind limited edition novel and I needed someone to take care of it. Someone I totally trust so I left it with my guinea pigs.
The hotel chambermaid was kind enough to agree to clean the cage once a day and to give the guinea pigs enough food. I paid her $100 to do this. I also stipulated that the book was to be left in the corner because I wanted the guinea pigs to take care of it. She shrugged but maybe secretly thought it was cute and agreed.
When I came back from my vacation, I looked and did not see the book in the corner where it should be. When I asked the chambermaid about it, she said that the guinea pigs had chewed, urinated on, scratched and therefore dissolved the book in that way, so as a result, the book is no longer in that corner.
Soundtrack:
Joe Walsh - Is She Really Going Out With Him?
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