February 2022

 February 1, 2022

I went to the ENT. Mainly a clean bill of health. Nothing serious. Just a minor infection in which I was prescribed Fucidin Leo Leo which is an antibiotic cream. I found a tube of Fucidin Leo Leo on the street in the downtown Eastside of Vancouver in 1995. I left it behind in Bangkok Thailand in 2003.

I have to go back in a few weeks for a follow up. Nice doctor, friendly receptionist. Don't listen to the bad Google reviews.

Jeremiah 17:14. Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed. Save me and I shall be saved. For You are the one I praise. 

1 Peter 2:24. By Your stripes I am healed. 

Stripes refers to when Jesus was whipped with 39 lashes or stripes. 

Life is already heaven on Earth. To see that is the essence of Buddhist enlightenment. Life is already a paradise. What we have to fear, the nasty things, the dirt, is really less than 1% of the experience. Just like the infection and death rate of the pandemic is less than 1%.

Even when there is pain, there are other things, television shows, the love of people in life. Pain is never a total experience.

The pandemic forces us to find a lesson. Once the lesson is realized the pandemic is over. It isn't just a pandemic of physical symptoms, it is also a pandemic of the mind. The pandemic is there to jar people to realize that there is not much to fear. That life is a heaven on Earth. Life is a paradise. The pandemic measures force us to slow down and to see this. The pandemic is there to make people not fight and doubt and fear one another but to see that the presence of everyone is to enhance the heaven that is life on Earth. To enhance what you didn't think could be enhanced any more. So don't kill yourself. You are here to enhance the World. Your presence is necessary for as long as God deems it so. You are in the hands of God. There are perhaps advanced alien races that preceeded humans and they believe in God too. Advanced extra terrestrial probably taught humans about God. But this is venturing into the realm of science fiction. The Mila Kunis movie Jupiter Ascending makes the ascertion of advanced alien races that preceded mankind.

Don't look to the afterlife to find heaven or paradise. It is already here. 

Mark 5:24. Go and be free of the plague. 

The Truckers Protest in Ottawa and indeed the pandemic illustrates Newton's Law of Thermodynamics that things in motion tend to stay in motion. Once something is set in motion, it's difficult to stop. Motion can only be stopped with an equal and opposing force as Newton also said. Speaking of this, the Mayor of Ottawa, Jim Watson said on CTV News said that the Police are set to put a stop to the protests. I'd leave if I were the protestors unless they want to get busted. 

Another Law of Thermodynamics is that things not in motion are difficult to get in motion, they tend to stay stopped. That explains why it's difficult for me to do my laundry but that's another story. I'll get right on it! One of these days.... 

Rebel News said on YouTube that Trudeau made a deal to purchase 400 million doses of the covid vaccine for Canada*. At a population of 36 million, that's at least ten more doses for each Canadian. Whether or not that happens is another thing. At least two million Canadians are completely unvaccinated. If there is ever a time when some Canadians have been vaccinated 10 times while others have been vaccinated zero times, that creates a disparity that defeats the purpose of such a policy. The government has never made a law which 100% of the people followed. Murder is illegal yet every year on the News are stories of people who have been done in. Heroin is illegal but tens of thousands of people in Canada use heroin regularly. Prohibition made alcohol illegal in the States yet during Prohibition, millions of people were still drinking. This would be the same with any vaccine laws. 

*source. YouTube. Rebel News. MP Leslyn Lewis at the freedom convoy. The people have been lied to, and they want answers. video uploaded on February 1, 2022

The ideal is that 100% of the people obey a law or a policy. The reality is another thing. Any society is always going to have its scofflaws. 

As for the unvaccinated not able to travel internationally, people with criminal records can't travel internationally. International travel is awful anyways. Visa rules so you can't just move there and stay forever. Stay in a tourist trap where you are paying up to 10x as much for food and lodging as a local does. Language barriers. International travel isn't much to boast about. Such travel restrictions are redundant for people with criminal records and or those who have no interest in traveling anyways. 

A worse policy would be to make it illegal for anyone unvaccinated not to travel, that anyone unvaccinated must travel, that anyone who is unvaccinated are legally required to see a minimum of 5 movies a month at the theatre and that all unvaccinated people are legally required eat at in at a restaurant a minimum of three times a week. Travel, seeing movies and eating at restaurants is simply a hassle for those who don't want to travel, see movies or eat at restaurants. 

The 400 million doses sounds like a classic white elephant. The government gives out taxable income to a corporation or construction company. In return the government politicians behind any white elephant boondoggle gets a non-taxable income kickback or slush fund or else a bribe. 

There are lots of white elephants that never work out. Trump says he would build a Mexican wall but that never worked out. The Canadian government builds a Coquihalla highway but parts of it crumble during a flood. Bridges wash out and are never rebuilt. The Third World is even more blatant about it because there are so many buildings that are government white elephants that are abandoned halfway constructed because either government money ran out and or the greedy crooked contractors absconded with the government money. Even on an individual level, people save and bookmark and favorite so many hundreds or even thousands of websites and YouTube videos only to never look at them again. Governments often work like that. Somewhere in that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark is Trudeau's 400 million doses of covid vaccine. 

Either way it's a vicious cycle in either direction. 

One direction: The health authorities in order to prolong their job of authority put pressure on the people to follow the measures. The people don't like the measures having gone on for too long and put pressure on the politicians, if you don't repeal the measures we won't vote for you again in the next election. The politicians put pressure on the health authorities, you have to modify the measures or we'll not get elected, our political livelihoods are in jeopardy. If you don't modify the measures, then the government will need to get a second opinion and hire new health authority personnel. Ignoring the government, the health authorities in order to prolong their job of authority put pressure on people to follow the measures. 

The other direction: Health authorities in order to keep their job or authority put pressure on the government, if you don't agree with us and implement these measures as government policy, voters will get a disease and not be able to vote for you, will blame you for them getting sick. You have to protect the voters. The government puts pressure on the people to follow the measures hoping they'll be praised for protecting the people from illness and earning accolades and certainty of being voted in again in the next election. People not liking the measures that have gone on for too long put pressure on the health authorities to modify the measures or they just won't follow them. Ignoring the people, the health authorities put pressure on the government to implement the measures as government policy. 

Doctors etc are known for second guessing and vetoing most of a patients suggestions. The doctor thinks, "Look, I'm the one who went to medical school, not you. You wouldn't know more than me or better than me when it comes to treatment of diseases and ailments."

A vicious cycle is a chain that is dependant on the weakest link not breaking which in this case s our system of checks and balances. If the health authorities buckle to government or public pressure fearing that they'll be delicensed or struck off and then replaced, if people refuse the measures and vote in a new government, if the government in an attempt to prolong their politics careers stop the measures, if any of the links in that chain of vicious cycle becomes a weak link that breaks, then the vicious cycle is over. It's only a matter of time until the coronavirus is attenuated and this becomes an endemic. 

It's a good bet for Vegas odds makers as to what link in the chain will break. 

My money would be on people voting for the next politician or political Party that promises to repeal all pandemic measures than anything the government or health authorities would do. 

Politics is a very recalcitrant obstinate profession. It's the nature of the beast. In the States, the symbol for democrats is a donkey known for stubbornness and the symbol for the Republicans or the GOP is an elephant known for plodding on like a steamroller whatever is in its path. 

And doctors don't like to be second guessed. So I wouldn't bet on politicians or the health authority budging on this thorny issue. 

The problem is if any health authorities decides to stop all pandemic health measures quickly then they wouldn't be having that job for too long. It's a make work project. 

The next director general of the World Health Organization is going to be appointed in May 2022. The director general of the WHO is chosen by member states of the World Health Assembly in a secret ballot. 

Heads of State of the member states of the World Health Assembly might get kickbacks from the pharmaceutical corporations but these Heads of State won't have that job if people decide not to vote them in again in the next election. Hopefully they will vote in a director general of the WHO that will stop the pandemic measures. Whether the next director general stops the pandemic measures of not, they will still have that job. Pharmaceutical companies can't give that person kickbacks if governments don't purchase their vaccines because they don't want to get voted out of office. That's kind of how it works. But don't listen to me. This is just my opinion. I'm not an expert. I have no qualifications. This is just my imagination. Don't listen to my opinion instead try to come up with a better opinion for yourself. 

"In politics it is better to be feared than to be loved, but not to the point of being hated." Nicolo Machiavelli, The Prince

February 2, 2022

News flash: Erin O'Toole is voted out as the Leader of the Conservatives. He was a hope for the pandemic to end in Canada if he won the next election against Trudeau. Now Erin O'Toole is a footnote in Canadian politics like Stephane Dion and Michael Ignatieff. O'Toole, I think, supported the end of the pandemic including no more mask mandates and no more vax passports. Maxime Bernier supports the end of the pandemic but he's the Leader of the People's Party. If he was a Leader of the Conservatives maybe.

Perhaps he could be. Stephen Harper was the Leader of the Reform/Alliance Party then he became the Conservative Leader. Maybe Maxime Bernier could jump over to the Conservative Pary and attain Leadership. In all of Canadian History only the Liberals or the Conservatives have ever governed Canada. No other party. 

If the Conservatives are voted in, it would be a package deal. Sure you would have the end of mask mandates, vaccine passports and vaccination requirements but you might also get the following as what you would traditionally expect from the Conservative Party: forget reconciliation, decreased immigration of refugees from war torn countries, all drugs illegal no decriminalization of drugs, guns legal if registered whereas the Liberals are about confiscation of all guns, increased military deployment, carbon net neutrality and global warming climate change measures not a priority as the Conservatives regard global warming as a myth and see it as Milankovitch cycles and conversion therapy would be legal again. But at least it would be the end of the pandemic measures. I'm talking about hard core Conservatives. O'Toole was seen as a moderate  Conservative which is why he was ousted from the Party Leadership ranks. 

Meanwhile PM Justin Trudeau is trying to filibuster or else to prolong  Parliamentary proceedings due to his own personal viewpoint. 

If the Liberals are in power, the alt-right isn't happy. The alt-right has Q-Anon. 

If the Conservatives are in power, anti-fa isn't happy. Anti-fa has Anonymous.

You just can't win. 

It's points on a curve. Some feel that the covid restrictions and vaccine mandates go too far. Some feel that they don't go far enough. Most people are somewhere in the middle. 

As for reconciliation, YouTube channel, Sky News Australia, Astonishing bit of fake news exposed in Canada. That video said they did not find any Graves. Ground penetrating radar just found twigs. So no dead children. All that statue pulling, etc was over a bunch of twigs. 

MemetheLeft has a lot of funny pictures of Crime Minister Trudeau. The one of Trudeau crying I thought was funny. I didn't want to laugh but I did. 

In the meme picture, Trudeau looks like a Karl Malden, bathroom break, Down Syndrome, ice rink Canadian crying. That was an intrusive and unwanted thought. 

Cry Minister Trudeau. 

A parody picture of PM Justin Trudeau with his father PM Pierre Trudeau's haircut. 

Today I sent back an unopened letter from SHAW cable containing presumably a bill. I have paid my SHAW cable bill on time every month for years. The lady at SHAW cable said I wouldn't get any more letters when I mentioned to her that I started getting letters as I haven't gotten any letters from SHAW cable for years. But I keep on getting letters. 

So I wrote on the envelope, "Return to sender. This is not wanted at all. Any letters will be thrown in the garbage." 

I don't like getting officious letters especially when I already regularly pay on time. If the letter was opened I might have to pay return postage. But it wasn't even opened. I hope that I don't get any more letters from them otherwise I will always return to sender. I would write on the envelope, "Return to sender. Not interested. I already pay on time every month." "Return to sender. Not wanted in the slightest. I would put any future letters promptly in the garbage." Return to sender. Not wanted. Don't put yourself out on my account. Don't do me any favours." The letters will always be unopened." Return to sender. Letter completely unwanted. You haven't sent me any letters for years. Why start now?" I hope they don't send me any further letters. I could see it if I wasn't paying on time but even then. Usually, after a couple of months of not paying, they cancel the service and would not restore it until accounts payable is settled.

Douglas Bloch Live Chat #200 inspired. 

When I quit smoking pot which was 7 months ago, I became like Dr Jekyll. I wonder if Mr Hyde will ever come back? I used to smoke every day for 32 years. 

Nowadays smoking pot gives me a fear feeling in the stomach that lasts for days. I wonder if it's the covid vaccine. The vaccine might be a chemical lobotomy that gives my pot smoking a ceiling effect. 

Cable the time traveling hero said in the movie Deadpool 2 that in 50 years, the human race will fuck itself into a coma and that the world will shit itself into oblivion. The pandemic seems to be the first step on the way to this. 

I woke up today thinking that if the pandemic goes on forever, I don't have the strength to go through with that and that I am better off just doing myself in with a fentanyl overdose. 

However no one else thinks that. No one that I know. If I killed myself I would see that a lot of people are still alive and have not and will not ever kill themselves. That made me decide to live no matter how mismanaged the pandemic is. I would like to see what the world is like if or when the pandemic is over. 

Thursday, February 3

I miss Vancouver. Vancouver vibes. Vancouver vibes are intensely heavenly once you get to know them. 

Vancouver is too expensive to live unless one lives in the downtown Eastside. That neighborhood also has heavenly vibes. Despite appearances it is a tight knit community more than most communities and people there look out for one another. 

The people in the downtown Eastside would be excellent depression counsellors. They have seen the difficulties of life and have bounced back. They would be better at depression counselling than the $150 an hour counsellors that are available in this town. I often wish that I still had their guidance. 

YouTube has great counsellors. Douglas Bloch, Arsalan Monawar, The Anxiety Guy, Tracy Marks, Mel Robbins and Suzanne Giesemann are excellent YouTube based depression counsellors. 

The real estate bubble will burst one day. As someone in YouTube comments said, Anyone who will pay 1 - 2 million for a starter shack is an idiot. 

At such prices it's better to rent than to purchase. Real estate is a game of hot potato and one day, someone will be left holding the hot potato. 

If I could be depressed, have anxiety and be afraid for weeks on end, one day I could be happy, enthusiastic, be looking forward to things for weeks on end. The 80s music station often has songs that just make me feel good and think of Vancouver. But this town has good vibes too. On so many days I felt blissful so this town must have good vibes. Particularly on Sundays, the air and the energy is good on Sundays. If I could feel good and blissful in this town that means this town has good vibes. Often I don't realize how good I felt in a town until I leave it for awhile and reflect. Every town has good vibes. Towns are designed to give people good vibes. 

There should be a Star Wars running game. Subway Surfers meets Star Wars. One scene is running through the forest. Another scene is running aboard a Star Destroyer. Forget it. Subway Surfers and Talking Tom Gold Run is good enough. Those are running games that can not be improved upon. I like Talking Tom Gold Run better than Talking Tom Gold Run 2. 

Angela's Beach House is level 2 on Talking Tom Gold Run. I don't build past that level although there are further levels to build. The Angela's Beach House level reminds me of Sidney BC. 

I love my girlfriend Heather. She is the sweetness of Beebs and has the face of an angel. I told her that I fear the future. She said "The future is some negative idea you put in your mind. You have a bright future. Your future will be better than you imagine." I love her very much. 

Even though she is temporarily handicapped I am still helping her. She turns my months into endless chores but I don't mind. I will still help her even though I am helping her less than I used to. I don't want to have burnout - again, so I am setting up work boundaries. I do love her. In a lot of ways, she is more together than I am. She never has fear or anxiety and only thinks good things about the future. She is a great lady and a beautiful lady. 

Thank God for the gift of life. To live is good. 

Alberta and Saskatchewan to lift covid restrictions soon. What about BC? Backwater policy wonk Province. Who knows? I wouldn't put anything past British Columbia except British Columbia itself. 

For example when cannabis was legalized, while other Provinces already had marijuana shops up and running, it took BC a few months and most cannabis retail stores were meanwhile closed while BC was still trying to figure out how to regulate its localized licensing structure. 

BC started partially refunding auto insurance premiums for cars not driving on the road during the first few weeks of the pandemic only months after other Provinces had already issued their refunds. 

It took British Columbia 4 years in 1871 to finally join the Confederation of Canada first ratified in 1867.

BC is more of a Johnny come lately kind a Province than a Johnny on the spot kind of Province when it comes to National trends and policies. 

BC has always done things at their own speed. 

Some Provinces are more backwater than BC. Provinces that are landlocked and or don't have an NHL team. BC has the Pacific Ocean at their shores. BC only has two towns worth living in. Vancouver and Victoria. All the rest of the towns are backwater. Sparse infrastructure. Boring. Not really worth living in. Drunk towns. Don't let me dissuade you. Go there if you want. You might like those towns. The seaside towns in BC, Sidney and Prince Rupert are pretty good. Good vibes. 

The NHL doesn't make a difference to me. I haven't watched a hockey game from start to finish in 30 years. Even then I watched less than ten maybe even less than five hockey games from start to finish ever. 

I'm more into movies and YouTube videos, television series. Once upon a time I watched the News but the News is Never Ending Worrying Shit aka fear porn. No thanks. No News is good news. I find the News to be opportunistic, gross, salacious, vulgar and disturbing. 

This is just me but Vancouver and Victoria are the only two towns on the planet or even in the Universe that I'd live in. Sidney BC ranks a distant third. I hope to reincarnate to live in either Vancouver or Victoria. I hope to reincarnate to live near UBC or Kitsilano or near Oppenheimer Park in Vancouver. In Victoria I'd like to live at James Bay. In Sidney BC anywhere is good but I'd like to live near Beacon Avenue. 

I'd like to live with neighbours who are quiet and decent mannered. I don't like crazy neighbours. At any rate, neighbours who are crazier than me. But that's the relativity thing. If the neighbours are less crazy than me then I'd be deemed the crazy one. If they're more crazy than me then they would be deemed the crazy ones. It's all relative. 

I'd like to live in a zen temple like building in terms of neighbours. They don't have to be monks and nuns but be of a meditative lifestyle but also cool, who like 70s and 80s music and who smoke tobacco and weed and who also only occasionally drink, but no more than one can of beer a month. That's my ideal neighbour.

Speaking of crazy, there's a YouTube video of a woman who one year ago, she deliberately knocked over much of a shelf of liquor bottles and sent them crashing to the floor at an Aldi store. A few hundred bottles no exaggeration. The video is unbelievable. Another video shows her getting arrested. Just when I thought I was crazy. 

Friday, January 5

The fear never goes away. I must be a fearful person. The malaise, the not feeling comfortable in my own skin, that's a lifelong condition. There's no way to win in life. Any path, any place is always a trap. And I have to go on like this for another 20 or so years until I pass away. 

I have a new subscriber on my YouTube channel but the name of the subscriber is Death XIII. That's what the forces of life give me. Typical. 

Life is overwhelming. A thousand details to attend to. Cleaning my room involves getting rid of a thousand things, it seems. I don't know if things will ever get better. There is no cure for depression. It can only be managed. It can be managed with exercise, going on walks, listening to music, breathing deeply and cognitive behavioural therapy and living one day at a time. There is no reward for going through a day of stress. The only reward is another day of stress that follows tomorrow etc etc etc. Dreams are as strange as ever but they don't scare me anymore like they did a few months ago. Other than that, the thousand details. I finally did my laundry yesterday. As for the thousand details in cleaning my room, one thing at a time. 

There was a librarian who was mean to me. I saw her outside the library and on the street for two days in a row. If I was there five minutes earlier or later I wouldn't have seen her. Another wretched dispatch from the pernicious forces of life. Sometimes, it's just damn the forces of life. I give out a certain kind of energy and get another kind of energy in return. Walking around, coasting along normally and then all of a sudden, an unpleasant surprise. That's the grim wretched forces of life. Life often has a way of just kicking me in the teeth. 

I might not make it to 60. Growing old is scary. I wonder how so many people do it so well. Other old people seem to have it more together than I do. That's life. 

Eating still brings me anxiety. Eating is like yet another homework assignment, another chore. Eating is boring but obviously necessary. In a small town, it's the same food over and over again. I'll never get out of this depression fear and malaise. It's going to be lifelong for me. 

However difficult it gets, suicide is not the answer although it might sometimes seem to be. It is never the answer. 

Thank God for the gift of life. 

Although, life is difficult. I wish I had never been born. Life is overwhelming and stressful and I was in over my head for being born. I don't remember that I ever asked to be born or even wanted to be born beforehand. To be born is to one day inevitably face death. Life is a raw deal. The afterlife doesn't seem too promising. Existence on all planes is a raw deal. 

Pastor Joel Osteen said, Don't think of how big your problems are. Think of how big your God is. 

A thicket of problems. Sometimes life itself has a way of solving your problems. Room full of things? One day someone could invite me to move to another better place. Start over again and don't collect and hoard so many things next time. Or else move away from that place too and start ovet yet somewhere else. Things will work out. Life itself will find a way. 

I have a fetish for women who are old. Have had it for decades. I don't know if there is any hope for me. 

I hope that God can continually show me signs that he is there and that He is helping me in my life. 

Not only me, there are billions of people in the World who need His help. I hope that God can help them too. 

Chain of coincidences. On Tuesday, I borrowed two fast view videos from the library. Usually I throw the return slip away. Sometimes I don't even ask for one. I put the return slip in the DVD case. Then today as I watched the DVD movies, I looked at the return slip. I don't always do that. The videos were due today! I would have otherwise assumed that I could borrow them for a week. Had I not looked, I would have had overdue fines. That's a bit of a miracle. I did return the videos today. 

I read a Christian tract that said only those who specifically believe in Jesus will go to Heaven. I don't believe that. Any good person will make it there. There are lots of people of other faiths. Jewish people believe in God but don't believe in Jesus per se. They will also go to Heaven for sure. Also Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims and Buddhists will go to heaven if they are a good person. I fully believe that. 

Lisa Osteen is a great speaker. She is very inspiring. She went through some difficulties in her life, worse difficulties than I ever had yet she is very strong and inspiring. Her words are uplifting and full of faith. She is Pastor Joel Osteen's sister. I would like to be as strong and confident and have a faithful and sound mind like she has. 

Saturday, February 5

Although I feel better now., I felt fear and anxiety for the first half of the day. And depression too. Douglas Bloch and others said that depression etc will end but since I've been depressed anxiety fear for years I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I fear that I will be doomed to depression etc for life. I don't see it ever ending. Every day is a fishbowl existence. Week after week the same thing. I hope that I'm not doomed to depression, fear and anxiety for life. Douglas Bloch, Arsalan Monawar etc said that the depression will one day end. Even my girlfriend said that one day my depression and anxiety will end. Pastor Joel said, Just because you don't see a way it does tmean that God doesn't have a way. At this point I don't know if I believe it. 

Psalm 50:15 Call on the Lord on your day of trouble and He will deliver you. 

"Somewhere the hurting must stop." Terry Fox

Now I have three small bumps on the left side of my neck about 1 mm or less in diameter that looks like a tiny pimple or a wart. I hope it isn't something worse. I put rubbing alcohol on it to disinfect it and I put benzoil peroxide cream on it. I hope it does the trick and I will see a doctor or dermatologist about it one day if it doesn't go away or gets worse. 

The internet said that they are harmless and don't look like any of the pictures of the harmful ones indeed of any of the pictures at all. 

I wish good luck to the truckers convoy for freedom. Government is accountable to the people. One day in the future the pandemic will be over and or the government officials who are in power now will retire. If they go to a restaurant of a bar people will say to them, Remember when you were in government? You even made children wear masks. That would cause an entire generation of traumatized children. Why did you even make children under the duress of your over reaching far flung policies? You did an awful job when you were in government etc. If I was in government, I'd worry about that. "We'll never hear the end of this." 

"If there is any hope, it lies in the proles." George Orwell, 1984

If there is any hope it lies in the truckers. 

Other countries that already relaxed their vaccine mandates, passports etc such as the UK and Israel are looking at Canada and the spectacle of the truckers protest. It might not be the worst thing that can happen to a Canadian government but it certainly isn't the best thing. Not only did Crime Minister Trudeau not talk to the truckers, he didn't even send a representative to talk to them. Instead he gas lights them, dissing them as racists, misogynists, violent and a fringe minority. That's projection. These are the people that he will make election commercials towards, to ask them to vote for him during the next election. "I want as many Canadians as possible to vote for me, even the ones I referred to as racists and misogynist etc." That would be the premise. 

PM Stephen Harper's election ad about the Liberals said, "Justin Trudeau - he's in over his head." which was rather prescient in light of covid and the truckers convoy. 

Being a head of state is an extremely overwhelming and anxiety inducing job. Anyone who gets that job would be in over their head. Even in my own personal individual private life I am in over my head and feeling anxiety everyday about cleaning my room, etc let alone being a head of state. 

The truckers are working class heroes. 

"A working class hero is something to be" John Lennon

God has put the dream in my mind that one day I will love in a rich place either in Victoria BC at James Bay, or Sidney BC in a nice condo or renting a suite in a nice house or else to live near UBC in Vancouver and I will have a BMW. The way I could get this is either with an inheritance or else doing my cartoons as a paid profession, maybe even doing animated storyboards for Star Wars and Disney. However, those artists and storyboard creators for Star Wars are already a lot better than me. I don't know if I'm that talented. Anyways, even an inheritance of $500,000 can get me renting a nice apartment near UBC and getting a BMW at a good bargain price. If I get a BMW, should I opt for an M series or not? I don't know if I really care about an M series. I need performance and acceleration for what? I just need a comfortable nice BMW car to drive around in. M series isn't that important to me. When or if I reincarnate, would I want a BMW M series in my next life too? I don't know. I doubt it. What are the chances? 

M series is more expensive all around, more expensive insurance, more expensive gasoline, more expensive purchasing price, more expensive maintenance and mechanic prices. It's a money pit. M series. M for money pit. 

My friend who is a lady has a BMW M series. Should I want an M series too? 

My friend who is a lady and who has a BMW M series also wears make up and eye shadow. Should I want to wear make up and eye shadow too just like her? 

There are lots of millionaires and even billionaires who couldn't care less about a BMW M series. They're into other kinds of cars. 

When I die, that's the day I will finally be free from my silly BMW hang up and fetish. So I kind of look forward to that day. 

Conservative MP Pierre Poilievre who has faced down PM Trudeau lots of times in question period when it came to vaccine mandates and passports etc has announced that he is running for PM. The comments section is lit up. Green lit up. The commenters all support him. Best News we've heard all day. In his speech, MP Pierre Poilievre said, "The government is not the boss of the people. The people are the boss of the government." If he ends the vaccine restrictions and brings things back to the way they were before the pandemic, I'll vote for him too. Or his representative. But usually the NDP representative wins in my neighborhood so even if I vote for his representative in this fiefdom I mean neighborhood it's a vote thrown away.

In my neighborhood, the NDP candidate always wins on a Provincial level and on a Federal level as well. 

Even Trudeau's representative didn't win in this neighborhood although he did become the PM, again. And the way electoral boundaries are drawn is another exegesis I won't get into. Winning an election isn't so black and white. There's the popular vote vs the way electoral boundaries are drawn etc. 

Maxime Bernier's People's Party will split the vote for the right and Trudeau and the Liberals might win again. 

Psephology is the study of elections. 

The way things are with the Truckers Convoy, it's so bad that Trudeau might not even win a seat in his home riding of Papineau Quebec in the next election. He lost the will of the people. A Prime Minister that did not win their own seat hasn't happened since PM William Lyon MacKenzie King. It happened to PM Arthur Meighen too but that was earlier. So the chances are slim. It's not a regular thing. A sitting PM would be sure to get their neighborhood riding all kinds of treats, goodies, favors and subsidies that's why. New golf course, new swimming pool, new shopping mall, etc etc 

An MP has a higher chance of being PM if that MP already has a cabinet posting. Pierre Poilievre was the Minister of Employment and Social Development in 2015. Not sure if he still has a cabinet posting. Uh, an MP can't have a cabinet posting if they're not working with the Party who is in power. Pierre Poilievre is a Conservative MP but the Liberals are in power.... 

I still have food anxiety. Just before eating or even thinking about eating a couple of hours before I eat I get this burning anxiety feeling in the stomach. I didn't use to have this. Maybe I'm doomed. I wonder if God can help or if He would even bother. 

"With God's help, I'll conquer this terrible affliction." Trainspotting

Jason Jana's on YouTube had an incredible NDE. Takeaway: God is always with us and loves us very much. Earth is a school. 

Debbie Hellion on YouTube put up a video about a lady in the downtown Eastside whose dog was stolen. The dog's name is Suzie. I hope the dog is found and that whoever stole that dog is arrested and imprisoned. Anyone who steals someone's dog is trash. Lady Gaga got her dogs stolen and returned. 

Sunday, February 6

I went to two Churches today. I did not make an offering because I am on a limited income. I only give an offering sometimes. 

There is a God. If not then we are truly screwed in a manner of speaking. We are otherwise alone in a Universe of random forces. 

Belief in God has existed for thousands of years and there are thousands of Churches in this World. That's too much time and too many Churches for something that doesn't exist. Of course God exists! 

In a physical sense, the Universe is 27 trillion cubic light years. It takes 9 minutes for the sun light to go from the sun to reach the Earth. Earth is 1 light second. It takes light less than one second to span the diameter of the Earth. 

The diameter of the Earth is 7,917.5 miles. And light travels at 186,000 miles a second. 

So 27 trillion cubic light years is a lot. And that's just the observable Universe. The JWST might determine the Universe is larger than 93 billion light years in diameter! That we on this Earth are alone and the only life in the Universe is terrifying. The Earth is a small space ship floating alone in a Universe of mostly darkness made up of so many trillions of light years. Scary. 

They didn't have telescopes in the Bible. The Bible was written mainly during the Bronze Age. During Biblical times they only knew four planets that orbited the sun being Mercury, Venus, Earth and Mars. The stars they saw in the sky were all of this galaxy and there are billions of galaxies in the Universe. This galaxy is just a tiny part of the Universe. Even the exploding Crab nebula seen in the sky in 1380 was still only something in this galaxy.

Our Milky Way galaxy is 75,000 LY in diameter. 

There are other galaxies such as the Andromeda galaxy, the Pinwheel galaxy, the Sombrero galaxy etc. 

Galileo didn't use the telescope to observe astronomy until the 1400s. However hippies and scientists believe that the whole Universe is one interconnected web of energy. It is all one. So in that sense God could be helping us. 

The JWST might discover multiverse that is another Universe next door to this one. Alien species that can hop multiple galaxies to get to us is very intense and highly technological. But an advanced alien species that hops over from the Universe next to our or even a few universes away is on another level. That alien species would be operating at a Kardashev 6 level! 

Have faith. Jesus wept. That's the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus wept at Lazarus' tomb not because Lazarus was dead but because the people around him had so little faith. The way to demonstrate faith is not through works and striving but to simply to enjoy your life, enjoy your day. 

At least God is looking out for us. He's looking out for the good people. He's looking out for the bad people too but they only have until their death to atone of their ways. After that, it's too late. 

Be a good person and believe in God and try to be a Christian or go to a Bible based Church. Otherwise you are free to believe in any other religion and you'll get there. To a good afterlife in a good place. To Heaven. 

I hope that God in His infinite mercy can help me through my otherwise lifelong chronic depression and anxiety. The amount of anxiety one feels is directly proportional to the OCD that one has. We are creatures of habit. Anxiety is directly linked to OCD and the habits you wish you could get rid of but so far have not. Don't censure yourself. Eventually it will all work out. You will be all right. 

The medical industry as advanced as some of the technology available is could only help anyone so much. Eventually everyone has to die one day. In fact, if anyone could live forever, the way the medical industry and epidemiology is structured, the condition that makes a person live forever wouldn't be registered as a bastion of extra good health but would be registered as a disease. That disease might be named eternalitis or foreveritis. Doing a carbon dating of the calcium deposits in the bones, that person is 10,000 years old, another person is 100,000 years old. Eternalitis and they would be registered as patients rather than as a healthy walk in client. If a person had eternalitis, they would be suffering from burnout and  anxiety due to information overload. Way too much baggage. 

Fearing growing old and eventually dying at age 51 is one thing. If I'm this worried about it at 51, that leaves me wondering how much more stressed I'd be about it at age 60. It is said that after 60, one always thinks about death. At age 70 even more so. I read on the internet, fear of old age and death is like having lived with an elephant for years. Eventually you get used to and accept its presence. 

Sunlight and the blue sky looks again like it used to when I was a child in elementary school. When one is at a certain distance away from the other side be it in childhood 7 years old and 7 years away from the other side or in old age at age 50, 60, 70, perhaps 7 years away from the other side, the sunlight and blue sky have that same strange nostalgic antiquated look. 

70s music, the music I grew up with as a child sounds so much better on Sundays. 6 days a week, it's 80s music and it's 70s music on Sundays. In less than 8 years 70s music will start being about 60 years old. 

Old music isn't scary. People like classical music, jazz era, big band jazz era music. Old music is timeless and beautiful. 

On Subway Surfers, the February 2022 Lunar New Year iteration, Sun has disappeared as an obtainable character option. Before, Sun was offered for 88 keys. Now Sun is simply gone. Rat is a good character but I'd rather have Sun as a character. Alas, gone. Sun appeared during the early days of the Lunar New Year iteration. 

Monday, February 7

Masking the children makes no sense. The premise was at the beginning of the pandemic that the coronavirus affects children the least affecting mostly the elderly. Now that there are newer attenuated strains masking the children makes less and less sense as time goes on. 

Are the pharmaceutical companies that desperate for money and are politicians that desperate for power they would extend to masking the children? 

What you are left with is a while generation of traumatized children in a trend of child abuse that hasn't happened since the latchkey kids. Making children wear asthma masks will ruin their childhood. 

Adults don't wear masks outdoors and when they're indoors it's only for a few minutes at a time to pop in and out of a grocery store. Even Church or going to see a movie is to wear a mask for two hours at most. Children have to wear a mask for over 5 hours a day 5 days a week at school. 9 am to 12 pm, three hours of classes. Then one hour for lunch and they probably have to wear a mask then too. And then another two hours of classes from 1pm to 3pm in the afternoon. Yoinks! That's a lot of face time for mask wearing. 

All these masks disposed of, all these plastic PCR tests will add to the Pacific garbage gyre. What environmental effect will that have. This is yet another lost generation. 

In a sublimated diluted way Trudeau is like Scarface hiding out while the truckers are like Hernando Sosa's men storming Scarface's compound. Would Trudeau say, "Say hello to my little friend!!"? Scarface, that movie showed that even rich people are afraid of the wrath of the angry poor who have nothing to lose. Rich people and poor people are chained together in an interlink of destiny. 

Trudeau hiding out and not talking to the Truck Convoy is not a good image. It's not good PR for the PM. I thought that Prime Ministers were more Johnny on the spot kind of people. King Richard the Second even at age 14 was able and willing to face down the mob during the Peasants Revolt. Trudeau isn't that kind of person I guess. Of course if the Trucker's Convoy was after you, you'd be scared too. 

Back then during the Peasants Revolt, the King was the PM so to speak. The first PM of England was Robert Walpole in 1721. 

I don't want to be rich. Too overwhelming. Owning too many things you can't keep track of. Rooms full of trinkets and knick knacks most of which will hardly or else never be used. No thanks. Comfortably poor is good enough for me. Poor but comfortable. 

Thank God for the gift of life. To live is good. 

Life can be bewildering at times but what a ride. Eventually one will come through all their depression and anxiety and emerge to the other side. A lot of problems? Just take care of one problem at a time. Sometimes what seems to be a problem is a blessing in disguise. Adversity builds character. 

Some people at my Church are going through way worse health problems than I ever have or ever will have. Yet their faith and strength and tenacity is inspiring. I hope that God heals them and helps them. 

England dropped the covid restrictions but it will take awhile for Canada to catch up. Something would be fashionable in England and it would be a year later until the fashions show up in Canada. Look at recent YouTube videos of walks around London. Hardly anyone is wearing a mask. 

Austria is like a Police State. "Papers please." and masks even required outdoors. But if you're hiking in the woods or in the mountains and there's no one around, you can get away with not wearing a mask. 

A pharmacist said the mask is causing all kinds of problems and my infection bump in my nose is caused by breathing in my own mouth bacteria. Breathing in owns own mouth bacteria can cause bacterial skin  infections. 

The pandemic diverts. Due to talking about the pandemic all the time, crashing out of the European Union with a No Deal Brexit is all of a sudden off the radar. 

Update about my left nares. I did apply fucidin Leo Leo to my left nostril a few times daily for about a week now as the ENT doctor advised. 

Meat Loaf the singer died on January 20, 2022. On February 1st at my appointment with my ENT, I saw a signed picture of Meat Loaf in the ENT doctors office. Apparently Meat Loaf was a past client of his. I knew I was in good hands. 

Today, on Monday February 7, 2022, I applied liquid nitrogen from a computer air spray canister to my nose 4 times. If you tip the canister upside down, a liquid nitrogen liquid emerges instead of just air. This liquid nitrogen is good at killing warts, skin tags and other skin growths. I tried it before and it works. I used it today to cauterise the site of the bump on my nose after picking and scratching out a rather large chunk of hard rubbery mucous. There was some bleeding as a result but that's normal. 

My left nostril still hurts as the liquid nitrogen was applied to other parts of my left nostril. I wrapped a paper town around the end of a chopstick, applied the liquid nitrogen to it and put it up my nose in the site of the lump which was smooth after I picked out the hard rubbery mucous. It hurts slightly but I hope I didn't cause frostbite to other parts of my nostril otherwise my left nostril would fall apart and I would look hideous and require rhinoplasty reconstructive surgery. I only applied it for 20 seconds. People on Arctic treks get extreme frostbite after exposure for hours and at that point their toes turn black and have to be amputated. My nose didn't turn black or anything. I warmed my left nostril under the spray of a hit shower shortly afterwards. This helps. That's the scoop on my left nostril. I hope the cauterizing procedure worked. I did this against specific advise from a retired senior nurse who told me not to do it. She was surprised that I had liquid nitrogen. This liquid nitrogen I told her was from an air spray canister used for spraying air on electronics. 

This spray canister can be bought at any electronics and computer repair shop for about $20 or less. Here's hoping that my nose won't fall apart. I wondered if the bleeding was a sign of cancer. But anytime one picks off a wart or large pimple off of the skin, there will be some slight bleeding. There wasn't bleeding before as a real cancer tumor is friable and thus bleeds easily and copiously. 

In 1946, Captain Henry Larsen of the RCMP was arrested by the Russians and spent overnight in jail as he accidentally docked the St Roch at Large Diomede island which was in Russian territory. 

I watched the 3 videos made about Leon the lobster from Brady Brandwood on YouTube. Leon was bought at a supermarket and raised for about 121 days at the time of the last video. He is doing well. 

Lobsters can live a long time. George the lobster was 140 years old. He was owned at a seafood restaurant for two years and then released. 

Louis the lobster was about 132 years old and lived at a lobster restaurant for 20 years until he was released. 

There was another lobster, Larry the 15 pound lobster which was more than 60 years old. 

Although large, old lobsters meat is quite tough and hard and rubbery. The younger lobsters at about 3 pounds is best. Walmart sells lobsters at an amazing price of $15 for two lobsters. These lobsters are pre-cooked. The Lobster Man at Granville Island sells live lobsters at a pricey cost. Lobsters are good with melted butter. Dealing with the shells is a hassle. Cooking lobsters can cause a smell that lasts until the next morning. Lobsters is good. 

Alaska King Crab is better. King crab is better than snow crab and dungeoness crab, but is very very pricey. 

I hope that Leon the lobster gets a mate and then they could have baby lobsters. Maybe not. Lobsters are solitary creatures. Lobsters tend to be very territorial and cannabalistic in captivity. Mating lasts a very short time. The female molts before laying eggs. And she will need space in her own area of the tank. 

Brady hasn't checked and has not determined whether Leon the lobster is male or female. Leon has large claws and a large back like a male but has a feathery underside like a female. 

Tuesday, February 8

"Never before in history has the ineffectiveness of a medicine been blamed on those who refuse to take it." 

It's being referred to as a vaccine but it's not a vaccine in the traditional sense of the word like a polio or measles vaccine. It's more a partial protection at best. But it's being referred to as a vaccine because if it was referred to as a partial protection at best then not as many people would take it. It's like a car that only runs on 2 cylinders out of four. Why force people to take something that doesn't really work? And then blame it not working on th people who didn't take it? 

Trudeau has a no win situation. If he faces the Truckers he will understand the outrage and that isn't good for his political career and ego. If he doesn't face them he's referred to as a chicken. Marty McFly didn't like being called a chicken. 

A lose lose situation can also be a win win situation. In Trudeau's mind he probably sees it as a win win situation. If he faces the Truckers he's Mr Johnny on the spot living up to his responsibility and duty as a head of state. If he doesn't face them then he's being politically expedient, why dignify their insults and anger with a response? 

If Trudeau really believed in what he's pushing, he'd have righteous indignation and a a head of state he'd face the truckers. That Trudeau doesn't face the truckers is a tact admission that he doesn't believe in what he's pushing. That creates a power vacuum. 

Trudeau stammers a lot when he talks. Either he likes the sound of his own voice or he's often not sure of what he's saying. 

I myself wonder if I should stay or move back to Vancouver? In some ways this town has been incredibly unlucky for me and many others but it's only me that I have to make the main decisions for. Vancouver is a very exciting town with lots to do. But I also remember Vancouver as a very mean town. Meancouver. Lots of anger. Angercouver. Lots of verbal abuse. The first two letters of the word Vancouver are VA Verbal Abuse. 

The medical industry in this town should have brought my girlfriend to an assisted living facility. It has failed me and her. Which forces me to think of just packing it in and moving to Vancouver. 

I wasn't lucky very often in Vancouver with women but I was more lucky in Vancouver with women than I was in this town. For someone of my talents and abilities Vancouver is a better town than this officious backwater colonial outpost fishbowl existence. This town is a Provincial capital sure, but Vancouver is a bigger more exciting city. Just like Toronto is more exciting and a bigger city than Ottawa. Vancouver has a certain vibe that I've known for decades and remember. If I have to go on working for my handicapped girlfriend for much longer I'm moving to Vancouver seeing that I don't have anything better to stay here for. Every month is a slog of work. My handicapped girlfriend isn't a very capable person when it comes to taking responsibility for herself plus she's very lazy too. I've helped her for long enough. How much longer do I have to work for her? I might move back to Vancouver in a few weeks. I've wasted enough years in this town. Me and a lot of others. My friend in the downtown Eastside did say that the island is boring. I totally agree. 

Small town life is as dull as ditchwater. Week in, week out, it's the same thing. Every week is a hamster wheel and trap. If you're living in a big city I wouldn't advise moving to a small town. Don't move to some backwater town unless you're brain dead. 

"You left San Francisco to come to Michigan? Are you fucking brain dead?" The Five Year Engagement 

Sometimes meeting a lady to get lucky with takes a long time. Some things are worth the wait. But what if I wait and it doesn't happen? What if there really isn't anything worth waiting for? 

Getting lucky with a woman involves either a prostitute but that implies that she's probably a junkie and there is some risk of a major sexual disease or else a nice lady but that implies commitment issues and I personally would not want to be on the hook for child support. It's a slippery slope. The first few times do it with a condom then later on without a condom and from then on its just a matter of time until being on the hook for child support and parental burnout. For me, raising a child would be the most unwanted thing. I'd rather win a Darwin Award. My only option is to find a menopausal girlfriend and since I have a fetish for women who are old... 

Sometimes I have a fetish for younger women as well. Any lady over 20. Which again brings me to prostitutes. 

The World is getting worse. Only a crazy person would agree to bring a child into a World like this. This World is cray cray and getting steadily worse. Look at the pandemic and masking the children. That should give you an idea. 

I once had the option to get lucky with a blind lady, but would that really be any kind of priority? I thought not. 

I'd say I'm doomed except that I can not predict the future. Who knows the future? To say that I'm doomed is catastrophizing. 

Getting lucky with a lady. No lady is quite right for me. There are always flaws, shortcomings. 

"I saw a flaw in every single one of them." Anthony Hopkins, Fracture

No one is perfect. No lady is good enough for me and I am not good enough for any lady. I have a lot of problems and issues. Even my current handicapped girlfriend. There's no passion on my part in the relationship and I'd ditch her as soon as I find a better girlfriend or else as soon as I move back to Vancouver. Vancouver is a big city and big cities have more selection when it comes to women. One day I'll move back to Vancouver for sure. I can't spend the rest of my life rotting in this small town. 

Stay or go. It's either a lose lose situation or a win win situation. 

"Should I stay or should I go?" The Clash

Wednesday, February 9

My left nostril is still sore. It hasn't fully recovered yet but it slowly getting better. It is a bit red. I hope it doesn't turn black and that part of my nose would have to be removed. A little scared. It's a case of frostbite. I had frostbite before on my ears when it was cold. That was in 1990 in Dawson Creek when I was walking in the morning at temperatures below 20 degrees Celsius. My nose feels like it's getting better and not worse but the slow recovery is worrying me. That's life. 

1st degree frostbite: Redness, aka frostnip no permanent damage

2nd degree frostbite: Skin turns pale white, blisters with pus forms, no permanent damage

3rd degree frostbite: skin turns black, amputation may be required, permanent damge

4th degree frostbite: bone and tendons also frostbite, permanent damage

I only have first degree frostbite. 

Recovery time ranges from days with 1st degree frostbite to weeks for second degree frostbite. 

Iceburns is another kind of frostbite. I think I got an iceburn due to direct contact of liquid a nitrogen soaked tissue paper with on skin contact under pressure. 

Pastor Joel Osteen and Douglas Bloch have good hearts. 

Douglas Bloch said, "The best is yet to come."

Pastor Joel said, "Your best days are yet to come. Your latter days will be better than your former days." 

Douglas Bloch said, "Just because you don't see a way it doesn't mean that there isn't a way."

Pastor Joel said, "Just because you don't see a way it doesn't mean that God doesn't have a way." 

They have good hearts indeed. But I still don't know if at my age things can ever get better. I often feel doomed to a dismal future of things never getting better. I hope that Douglas Bloch and Pastor Joel are right. 

My ongoing and seemingly never ending fear and anxiety comes from my OCD namely picking up garbage and either throwing it in the garbage can or collecting it for awhile. Also my tobacco habit. I fear growing old. I'm 51. I remember when I was younger what I thought of people who are in their 50s.... Old. Old age is a declining period and a train wreck. It's a hopeless and doomed situation. People told me, one day at a time, being old is not scary, find things to be thankful for, think of other things besides being old. Be thankful for being alive, the good sunny days, breathing in fresh air. 

This paragraph written on Monday, February 14, 2022.

OCD comes from certain areas of the brain. When one notices that something is off, the orbital cortex lights up. This sends a signal to the cingulate gyrus which is the center of anxiety, it lights up whenever anxiety is a present reality. When the issue is addressed, a signal is then sent to the caudate nucleus which then directs the brain to relax and that its OK to think of other things. 

OCD occurs when the caudate nucleus is unable to shut off the signals that it gets from the cingulate gyrus in a vicious repeating loop of signals between these two areas of the brain. This is known as brain lock. 

One way to reprogram the caudate nucleus is to tell oneself that this is a result of a faulty wiring in the brain. Then to wait fifteen minutes before doing the OCD activity. Then increase the time to more than 15 minutes. After that time, the OCD activity will most likely be forgotten.*

*source. Science of how OCD works (Dealing with brain lock). from What I've Learned. YouTube

I had fear for most of the day. When I have naps during the day I often drift off to sleep with fear and wake up from these short naps with fear. When waking up, the body typically flows with cortisol as a response to the body dealing with the stress of waking up and getting active. Waking up is a terrible time full of fear. Today when I had an afternoon nap, I dreamed of a lady pulling a dog on a leash. That dog hugged me like a human and gave me a long hug. This was to reassure me of my fear. I woke up from this nap without fear. In mythology a two headed dog Cerberus was the guardian of the gates of hell to prevent those who aren't destined to go to hell from going there accidentally also to prevent suicides from dying prematurely and prompting them to return to life to complete their life's mission. 

I have never seen Cerberus in a dream but some people probably have. 

Thursday, January 10

What I wrote about BC being a delayed reaction Johnny come lately Province might have been a bit much. I realize that. 

BC has always taken care of me well. I have received a lot of money from the government and I often listed the Province of British Columbia and the Government of Canada as my unofficial sponsors at the end of my cartoons.

British Columbia has two of the most beautiful cities in the world to me being Vancouver and Victoria and these are the only two cities that I'd ever live in. Sidney BC too. 

British Columbia in spite of its doddering speed in which it enacts policies compared to other Provinces in Canada, which might indicate perhaps a Provincial pecking order, has more of a future than I do. I don't really have a future. My friendship with the BMW lady is something I feel that I am outgrowing and my friendship with my handicapped girlfriend is comprised only of work work work. Every month is another slog of work. That is why I often think of moving back to Vancouver. Pastor Joel and Douglas Bloch mean well in saying that we all have a better future before us but that's just the ideal and may not reflect the reality. I have no better future. That's why I often think of giving up on life altogether. 

If I die of a heart attack soon, what future would that prevent me from? I only foresee a dismal boring unenviable future for myself. I have lived enough of life. My best days are over but we're they really that good? I never got married and my luck with women in this town has been abysmal. I don't see anything I have to live for. What if God were to just kill me? Why doesn't God just finish me off with a heart attack then I'll find out what bizarre freaky cray cray reality awaits for me in the afterlife. I don't believe in heaven. The afterlife is an extension of Earthly themes. No absolute heaven or hell. Even in the afterlife there are no absolutes. The afterlife will be half good and half bad like the Shakespearean masks of theatre; one smiling and one frowning. At least in the afterlife there is no eating hence no food anxiety. In the afterlife since one is a spirit being neither vertebrate nor invertebrate there are no back pains. 

If I were to die, I doubt that the Province of BC would even notice. I don't make much of a difference. I used to think of giving up via a heroin overdose like Janis Joplin. Now I will just leave my life in God's hands. 

I wouldn't want to live in any other place in the World than in this Province and I also wouldn't want to die anywhere else. 

"Vancouver is a good place to die. Just like Texas Guernin." Errol Flynn 

Errol Flynn died at the Sylvia Hotel in Vancouver. I once had a pint of beer there. I'd like to die in Vancouver at or near UBC. That would be ideal. Or at least at a cozy Christmas atmosphere hotel in the downtown Eastside. That neighbourhood still holds the magic of life for me. 

I should move to Vancouver since my life in this town is going nowhere. At least I got laid in Vancouver more often than I did in this town. Coming here was a mistake. I might go back to Vancouver and even if my next girlfriend in Vancouver is a Native lady who likes to drink and smoke crack, at least she would be more sexually exciting for me than any girl I met in this town. My friendship with the lady with the BMW is going nowhere but even st the outset, she owes me nothing and I owe her nothing. 

I don't see myself ever going to London England to see Buckingham Palace with my own eyes. My PTSD and my courage to travel having been evaporated has cancelled any plans I have to travel to London. I am too old to travel to London. My life might as well be over. If I stay in this town my only future is one of boredom, depression and poverty. What's there left worth living for, for me? What if God were to send me the angel of death and just finish me off. My life is done for. My future is going nowhere. Even Pastor Joel might say, "I don't blame you for thinking that. If my life was as evidently hopeless as yours, I'd think that too." Douglas Bloch might say, "Seeing what your life is made up of, I wouldn't blame you for giving up hope and on life." 

I hope you can pray for me to have a quick painless death relatively soon as my life is utterly devoid of hope. 

It would be very easy and tempting to score some fentanyl in Vancouver's downtown Eastside but instead I'd ask them to merely pray for my death. 

I do pray for the people of the downtown Eastside. "I hope that the people of the downtown Eastside find the love and happiness they are looking for. May they all have a good future that is hopeful. Amen."

I saw a YouTube comment that said that the reason the downtown Eastside is so run down is that a lot of people make money with the situation being the way it is. They are called poverty pimps. 

The BMW Lady is a poverty pimp. She is a manager of a soup line from which she receives a generous government stipend for running that. 

The BMW Lady said that she thought that I will have a good future. How could she think that. Clearly my future is utterly devoid of hope. 

A lot of the poor in the downtown Eastside have more of a future than I do. A lot of them will one day get in to social housing. I don't see myself ever getting in to social housing. I have a superficial friendship with the BMW lady. I don't know how much longer I can maintain such a fake friendship. 

Why don't you do me a favour and pray for my death? I need to die quickly and painlessly of a heart attack. If not painlessly at least quickly. I hope that God dispatches the Angel of Death and thus saves me from a boring tawdry dismal future. I believe that I would be better off dead than to endure a future full of the wrathful scourge of poverty. 

"Oh scathful harm, condition of poverte

With thurst, with coold with hunger so confounded

To ask help thee shameth in thine heart" 

Geoffrey Chaucer

Why not send a sniper to finish me off? I would then thus be deprived of the guilt of suicide. Suicide or sniper, either is a means to an ends. I would hear three shots, bang bang bang. And I'd be dead before I even know what hit me. It would be a weird day but it would be gotten over with soon enough. Then I'd be in the catbird's seat, if you could call it that, of the afterlife. My life is going nowhere. Life has lost all its magic for me. I'm better off dead. 

Thank God for the gift of life. 

Ted Smith of the cannabis club of Victoria BC got fined $6.5 million dollars. He got fined $3.2 million from the Province and $3.2 million from the city adding up to $6.5 million dollars. This was on the front page of the city Newspaper, Victoria Times Colonist today. 

During the time BC was trying to figure out how to regulate the cannabis retail stores according to a Provincial model, and until the regulatory model was ratified, all cannabis stores were ordered to be closed for two months, Ted Smith's cannabis shop remained open. During those times he got raided by the police. 

Ted Smith is quite a controversial figure. The full story, well what I know of it and I'm sure there's a lot I don't know is quite mind-blowing. 

Ted Smith used to invite people to go and sing Christmas carols with him. But they were bastardized versions of Christmas carols with cannabis lyrics. Jingle Bell's became Cannabis Bells. Silent Night became Cannabis Night etc. I once went to one of these Cannabis Christmas Carol singalongs and the experience felt very culty. It was like singing the songs of some cult. As these songs were sung, there were disapproving looks from people that passed. 

Ted Smith went to Jamaica and during his trip he interviewed Bob Marley and or Peter Toshs mother and he included this interview in his self published cannabis Newsletter and in that interview article he also included a photograph of Bob Marley or else Peter Toshs grave. I thought that was too intense and also bad mojo. 

Ted Smith tried to run for local political office as a civic alderman echoing Mark Emery's bid to run for Mayor of Vancouver. I don't know what happens when one runs for political office but if it's done wrong, bad things happen. After Mark Emery tried and failed to run for office as Mayor of Vancouver, he got jailed in the United States for 5 years for exporting $2 million worth of marijuana seeds into the United States. Ted Smith ran for political office and this happens. When one runs for political office, they rub shoulders with a lot of powerful and influential people. But if shoulders are rubbed in the wrong way, bad things happen. In running for political office, you have to be intimidating and adversarial to other candidates during the campaign. There's a lot of mud-slinging involved. Throw up enough mud and some of it will stick. Bad things happen to hamstring or kneecap the person to discourage that person to run for political office ever again in case they win. This is to weed out, no pun intended, the competition. 

Running for political office is a game only for a select few and not for all. 

Ted Smith's cannabis club barred a lot of people for superficial bullshit reasons. A lot of people. I myself was barred for life for having an argument with someone there. Someone else I met was barred because the story was, this person wasn't home when his cannabis was delivered. The delivery was set for 7 pm but the delivery person for some reason showed up early at 6:45 waited a few minutes and then left. This person was only able to get home at 7 pm. Ted Smith has a cannabis delivery service. This person was either charged a service fee or denied future deliveries. When this person argued about it, he was barred for life. This person knew of 5 other people who also got barred for life for some bullshit reason or other. Another person, a Native gentleman was accused of selling weed to one of Ted Smiths customers in a bus. This Native man usually bought an ounce a week. 

Ted Smith's cannabis club claims to compassionately help people but all they ever do is bar people for life in some Leftist purge frenzy. 

This is my imagination, no proof but indications are that Ted will have a customer for a few months, then he makes up some reason to bar them for life. But meanwhile he secretly keeps them on as a phantom customer replete with a membership card which is supposedly bringing in ongoing funds to his cannabis club when what is actually bringing in funds is that the place is really a front for some lucrative money laundering scam. Like a lapsed Catholic, you are nonetheless kept on their lists forever. Cooking the books. The government somehow found out about this and is giving him a fine in order to get their cut of the proceeds. 

Ted Smith barred a lot of people from his cannabis club building up quite a pile of enemies. And more people are expected to be barred in the future. These enemies must have complained to city hall or the government about Ted Smith hence Ted Smith is fined $6.5 million. 

Ted Smith once got fined for something else. His employee was arrested and fined for baking marijuana cookies. Ted Smith argued it all the way to the Supreme Court retaining John Conroy QC Queen's Council as his legal defense representative. He won the landmark case and during the Stephen Harper anti marijuana legalization administration got marijuana edibles to be decriminalized in Canada. Which was quite the accomplishment. 

I don't care that Ted Smith barred me. I quit smoking marijuana for some time so such a ban on my part is redundant. But some people do care and some people I spoke to were very happy that Ted Smith got a $6.5 million fine and they hope that his cannabis store gets shut down. 

The people who work at Ted Smiths store are a bunch of Leftist woke hippies and snooty pseudo-hipsters which is what Vancouver Island is known for. The don't shave their armpit hair, don't shower and wears Birkenstocks and eats alfalfa sprout sandwiches vegan kind of hippies. Disgusting hippies. 

They are all crackers of the worst kind. I don't care for the place. I haven't gone there for quite awhile and don't miss it. At all. I'm not legally required to go there either. That place is nearly 100% full of crackers. That wouldn't be one less reason to go there but it wouldn't be one more reason to go there either. 

Ted di Biase, The million dollar man. 

Ted Smith, the six-million and a half dollar man. 

Six million is the number of people who died in concentration camps in Europe during World War 2. 

Ted Smith is such a crazy and recalcitrant character that even with a $6.5 million fine, he will still characteristically keep his cannabis club open and running for as long as he can. 

I wouldn't doubt that Ted Smith will hire a hippie sniper and have me killed for writing this. But since my life is going nowhere and I don't see that I have any future that's any good, I don't really care. 

I profoundly regret what I wrote about crackers. I'm not racist. I just like to get into poetic details and like to describe things using different words. I love White people and indeed people of all Nationalities. If I was racist towards White people, would I be quoting Geoffrey Chaucer? 

'Visible minority' is an offensive term. I would use the term 'people of other Nationalities' instead. And I do. But that's just me. The World is a very nasty pernicious place. 

"Culture is not your friend." Terence McKenna

"Wanting to die is internal courage. Wanting to live is external courage." Confucius

Joyce Meyer. 

Joyce Meyer is a strange pastor. I've heard of her for years but didn't know her preaching style but assumed that she was just a run of the mill preacher. Geez, just when you thought you knew someone. 

She has a lot of good insightful teachings but a lot of the things she says is kind of off. 

From her Sunday night sermon on Sunday February 6 at Lakewood Church shown on YouTube, she said her brother was a drug addict that she tried to help for awhile but then she gave up on him when he didn't change from his drug addict ways. This brother then hung himself in a warehouse. 

She then said when she was young, her father sexually abused her. She mentions this several times in one sermon and mentions this often when she talks on interviews with different people. 

She then said that when her father was a 10 years old, her father went to a Church where the Priest liked to kiss young boys on the mouth often including her father. Such homoerotic bullshit! 

That's the worst gay thing I ever heard since I read a YouTube comment that said, "Mark Zuckerberg has that haircut to attract ten year old boys."

Some things you can't unsee. 

As the camera panned around the stadium when she spoke, a lot of people got up and were leaving. "We didn't sign up for this!" they seemed to be saying non-verbally. 

When Joel Osteen speaks usually just about nobody gets up and leaves. For some strange reason Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church has co-opted her to give sermons on a temporary part time basis. The way she wears her make-up, Joyce Meyer somewhat looks like the Cesar Romero iteration of The Joker from Bat-Man. 

Mark Zuckerberg. 

Today, for some strange reason, I feel calm and without fear all day. Usually I am nearly saturated with fear for hours on end a day. I don't know who or what cured me on this day. However there might be other days in the future when I'm back to the fear again. Thank God for this day that I spent without fear. Thank God for the gift of life. There shouldn't be any fear. The truest fullest expression of life in this town is that this town is a tourists paradise. This town is a blast. Everyday is a fun tourist holiday even if you're a resident. 

Today, I bought a small Grogu stuffed animal with square eyes from 7-11 for $6.99. 

Today I went to Fisherman's Wharf and had some halibut soup. Then I visited the Fish Market across the street. I got a can of smoked Coho salmon. 

I went to the beach and I went to Beacon Hill Park. At Beacon Hill Park, some peacocks followed me including a peahen too. Peacocks are part of the pheasant family. I was holding a white plastic bag and the peacocks thought I had food in that bag and was going to feed them. An old lady who walked past said, "They're following you." 

I said, "Maybe it's the plastic bag I'm holding." 

She said, "They recognize shapes."

Today, I was on the street at the right moment when a young lady dropped her green TD bank card. I picked it up and said, "Miss, you dropped your bank card." she said, "Oh thank you so very much! Oh my gosh. I appreciate it!" 

I said, "You're welcome." 

I feel good about performing that good deed. 

It was miraculous timing because I saw a friend moments earlier. I was going to talk to her longer but for some reason I decided to leave just then. Had I talked to her, I would have missed that opportunity to help. Maybe that young lady would have lost her bank card. 

BC Premier is refusing to lift Covid restrictions like Alberta, Saskatchewan and Ontario are. He probably doesn't want to be seen as caving in. He probably sees protests as yet another ultimatum and he doesn't give in to ultimatums. John Horgan has a majority government so it would be difficult for people who dislike his ongoing covid restrictions to remove him from office for those who want him removed from Office for this. I myself don't care. John Horgan was very generous with pandemic relief and I myself got a few hundred dollars from his government of pandemic relief. The only way to remove a politician with a majority government is for headhunters to dig up some financial scandal or other type of scandal. BC Premier John Horgan is either such a squeaky clean politician that he either has no scandal or else survived quite a few scandals. He survived the Daryl Plekas and Gary Lenz scandal of conflict of interest and misappropriation of government funds. John Horgan survived appointed but not elected Green Party Leader Sonia Furstenau with which he was having a coalition government with to prop up his power giving him ultimatums through calling an election and then winning a majority government. He is a true political survivor. Not even incipient throat cancer could bring down Premier John Horgan. 

Ontario, Alberta and Saskatchewan revoked their mask mandates ND vaccine passports early but they had even more stricter restrictions than BC had so it averages out. 

PM Justin Trudeau has a minority government so his situation is more precarious. Even then Justin Trudeau survived quite a few scandals. He's made of Teflon, nothing ever sticks. Justin Trudeau survived the WE fundraising scandal when he and his family members were allegedly given millions of dollars from the WE charity for speaking opportunities. Even Pierre Polievre grilled Justin Trudeau about it and this is on a video on YouTube. Trudeau, implacable as ever just gave non-commital laconic deadpan answers to Pierre Polievre. Justin Trudeau survived the black face scandal when Canada's answer to woke cancel-culture went after him. Justin Trudeau survived the SNC Lavalin scandal where his previous Justice Minister Jody Wilson-Raybould was the fall girl who took the fall for that one. Justin Trudeau survived his September 30 2021 trip to Tofino BC when he was otherwise expected to talk to Native Chiefs about bodies found on residential school grounds and otherwise reconciliation scandal. 

But any politician can only survive so many scandals. 

Who knows what's next? Usually Canadian politicians don't resign quietly and willingly but are forced out due to scandals. PM Jean Chretien was forced to resign due to the AdScam scandal. The AdScam scandal even overshadowed PM Paul Martin's term in office which led to the Gomery Inquiry. 

"First he wants Gomery without an inquiry. Now he wants an inquiry without Gomery." said PM Stephen Harper of PM Paul Martin. 

It looks better for a politician to leave office with a scandal than to leave office quietly without a scandal because it makes the politician look more rock star. 

Truckers Convoy and other protests are external. Digging up a scandal is internal. Internal affairs. 

That would probably be the next chess move on the chessboard of the rough and tumble of the Canadian political chessboard. Politics is exciting. The bloodsport of politics. 

Disturbingly, if you type in liar.com, it redirects to Justin Trudeau's Wikipedia page.*

*source: YouTube. Trudeau Worlds Biggest Liar [Emotional Damage] uploader: mistersunshinebaby

If people are wearing coronavirus masks all the time, how could the lip reading algorithms of surveillance cameras know what they're saying? Yeesh! They'd have to rely solely on parabolic microphones. 

Who am I kidding? No one reads my blogs. I'm 51 years old. That sort of makes me an elder statesman of political News stories. 

Friday, January 11

The solar system has 4 kinds of moons:

Rocky - our moon, the two moons of Mars, other moons

Icy - Enceladus a moon of Saturn has an icy surface

Volcanic - Io or Jupiter 1 is the most volcanic object in the solar system

Icy and watery - Europa or Jupiter 2 is icy and with a cold ocean

There is no forest moon in our solar system like Endor in Return of the Jedi. Maybe there are in other solar systems elsewhere. 

Perhaps there is also a Desert Moon like in the Air Supply song. 

If the Earth's moon was a volcanic moon like Io, I doubt that any people would have landed there in 1967. 

Saturday, February 12, 2022

My stress and anxiety is gone. It seems the bump in my nose had a nerve line that connected to my stomach causing me endless months of untold anxiety. What I did worked. I scratched out a huge piece of thick rubbery mucous about a millimeter in diameter. Then I cold cauterized the area. Usually the bump of rubbery mucous returns the next day. It's been 6 days now with no return. The fucidin Leo Leo the ENT doctor prescribed me wasn't working at all. I'm going to tell him exactly what happened. 

"Doctor, the fucidin Leo antibiotic cream you prescribed me wasn't working at all. What I did was to pick and scrape a huge piece of thick rubbery mucous off of my nose. Then I cold cauterized it with liquid nitrogen from a computer aerosol spray can. It worked. I performed a low level simplistic self surgery on myself."

The protests were going on today as much as eve on the grounds of the Provincial Legislature and I was there! I was only there for ten minutes. I went to a supermarket and got some shrimp and some fish. I looked in live tank and there was a bunch of lobsters each of which reminded me of Leon the lobster. I saw a bunch of dungeoness crabs each of which reminded me of Pancake the crab. Another YouTube uploader named Just Joshing got a live crab from an Asian market and is sucessfully raising it and he named it Pancake. Then I went to the beach. 

It was a bright sunny day. I couldn't stand the thought of my handicapped girl friend Heather staying cooped up in her room all day so I wheeled her to Tim Hortons. Every month is just a whole slog of chores. My leisure life is gone. About 7 days a week I am doing some work for her in some fashion or other. I hope she gets moved into assisted living but the medical industry and indeed the forces of life are dragging their feet. Once she moves into assisted living, I will smoke pot again and I will stay overnight at the James Bay Inn for one night as an experience. I will use the bathtub about two times during the stay. A bath is very therapeutic. For now, with her in the picture, every month is another month of work work work. Once a month I have to wheel her to the hair salon to get her hair done. The work seems to be without end. She has just about destroyed my leisure lifestyle that I have a right to. While everyone else in my hotel gets to relax and keep to themselves during the pandemic, this lady has given me a massive mega-dump of work right during a pandemic. She has ruined my pandemic experience. Once she moves into assisted living, I probably won't visit her. The landlord is pushing the medical industry to move her into assisted living. My landlord said he has a friend who has some pull in the medical industry but even now, months and months later she still hasn't moved into assisted living. Which leaves me wondering how things would be if the landlord didn't have a friend with some pull in the medical industry. This handicapped lady is just sapping the energy out of me. Slowly, I am cutting down the amount of work I do for her. I used to get her coffee in the morning for 7 days a week. Now it's down to 5 days a week if that. I used to put on her leg brace for 7 days a week. Now it's down to 1 or 2 days a week or less. I told her that I'm burning out. She has to take responsibility for her own life. I don't have the energy to help her forever. She is incredibly lazy. She would have dead roaches in her coffee mug and she still wouldn't wash it waiting for me to wash it or not. One of the ingredients of caretaker burnout is guilt. Her laziness guilt trips me into working for her. I think that if I don't work for her, she'll get some kind of illness. She's a taker. As long as I offer to help her, she'll always say, "Sure!" She never says, "No, you've done enough work for me, I can do this myself." it's always "Sure!" "Sure!"  One day I'll see the last of her. Everyone in the hotel thinks that she should go into assisted living yet she still hasn't leaving me to pick up the slack. She has given me an anxiety disorder. 

I wouldn't help her so much if I didn't love her. She is very sweet and loving. She has paid me money for working for her. Not a lot but a noticeable amount. She often treats me to restaurant meals and I often mooch cigarette butts off of her. I haven't had to pay for smokes for months. When or if she ever goes to an assisted living facility, I'll either have to pay for my own smokes or quit. It's a strange kind of mutualistic symbiotic relationship. She leeches off my kindness and working for her and I mooch cigarette butts off her. She smokes two cartons of cigarettes a week! Whatever. I still love Heather very much. I have often prayed for Heather's recovery. Those prayers will indeed work. Eventually. 

The medical industry did not take sweet Heather to an assisted living facility so soon not as to make me work for her but because they know I would miss her when she's gone. Through some grace, they are allowing me to have more time with her. On the day she goes to assisted living I will probably weep intensely. Not looking forward to that. 

She's my sweetness. She has the face of an angel. 

The way out of any problem is to use right thinking rather than wrong thinking:

1. Wrong thinking - Anything worth doing is worth doing right. 

Right thinking - Anything that is too difficult isn't worth doing at all. 

2. Wrong thinking - If at first you don't succeed try, try again. 

Right thinking - If at first you don't succeed, try again, then quit. No use wasting time. 

3. Wrong thinking - It is better to do something and get something than to do nothing and get nothing. 

Right thinking - Better to do nothing and get something than to do something and get nothing. 

4. Wrong thinking - Never put off to tomorrow what you could do today. 

Right thinking - Never do today what you could put off to tomorrow. 

This is the way out of any problem including how to deal with a pandemic and for me how to deal with whether to go on helping my handicapped girl friend or not. And how to fathom my so called friendship with the lady with a BMW. If I ever get a BMW I don't need an M series. It's unfortunate that I ever got hung up on such a thing as a BMW M series. Good God! 

"The Age of men is over. The time of the orc has begun." Lord of the Rings 

The time of doctors will be over. The time of the lawyers will begin. 

The time of the WHO. The time of the Hague. 

After the pandemic, the public might demand an inquiry as to the legality and Constitutionality of the pandemic measures. Many if not all the measures were passed without the usual Parliamentary due procedure including question period and Royal assent since it was deemed a health emergency and under the auspices of the aegis of the health department. Some people on YouTube said that Trudeau and Bonnie Henry could go to jail, namely Debbie Hellion*. Sometimes people will say something and it half ass turns out to be an omen. But there used to be memes about Hilary Clinton going to jail but she never did. 

There is no choice but to await the next chapter. 

There could be an inquiry on some level but they will all be exonerated. That's what usually happens. Lawyers are better than doctors at making money. First the medical industry cleans up, then the lawyer industry cleans up. Lawyers may already be lining up in anticipation. Citizens could be getting a post pandemic payment. Maybe or maybe not. 

*source: They're Coming For you! Debbie Hellion and the Apocalypse. YouTube

I could see it coming. With the mass arrests at Windsor Bridge, and the arrest of Preacher Artur Pawlowski for conducting Church during lock downs and preaching to anti vaxxers encouraging them to protest, there will be lawyers, the more arrests the more lawyers will appeal. The more lawyers that appear, the more lawyers that will appear. Class action lawsuit. The Supreme Court of Canada. People vs The Government of Canada and or Health Canada. It's like seeing chess moves two moves in advance. Connect the dots. 

The Police say to a person when they're getting busted or Mirandized, that's the States, something similar in Canada, "You have the right to retain legal counsel. If you cannot afford one, one will be provided to you." 

Lawyers could be just licking their chops waiting for the pandemic to end. 

I wrote to Debbie Hellion in her comments section asking for advice as to whether I should move to the Downtown Eastside and if I'm ever there, I'll try to meet her and if that would be all right. She didn't write back to me. I hope that she writes back to me one day. She is one YouTuber whom I would very much like to meet and to tell her that I'm a fan and really like her videos. 

I'd even take her to a restaurant for coffee. My treat. But how much is coffee? Not that much. I'm not rich. 

Debbie Hellion is a great lady however her personality is unpredictable which is part of what makes her great. 

Sunday, February 13

Two days ago, I saw The Suicide Squad. The story is mindblowingly original. The team goes to South America to stop a guerilla army from unleashing an alien entity that could destroy the World. The alien entity is a starfish which is slang for anus. With a Team that includes Bloodsport, Polka Dot, King Shark, Rat-Catcher and not least of all Harley Quinn, the guerilla army and the alien entity are soon dealt with. Very good movie. 

Today I didn't go to Church. I went to commune with nature. I went to the beach including walking through all of Ogden Point. 

Not being able to think of my friend Heather in a wheelchair being cooped up in her apartment all day, I took her to Tim Hortons and then to a place to sit near a Church. I accidentally spilled my coffee and had to get another one. Sunday vibes are certainly here today. A week went so fast. Before you know it another week has passed. 

Since the bump in my nose is gone, my anxiety is a fraction of what it was even a week ago. Thanks be to God. Thank you God that your plans are to prosper me and to give me a good future full of hope. 

Thanking God changes your focus. Instead of thinking that life isn't working out, and I'd be better off not born, thanking God for all blessings wipes all that away. 

I had burnout last year, I'm not only getting back to 100% normal, I'm getting to 150% of what I was before because the old normal would kill me. 

My television has the vertical streak lines again. Unplug it for awhile and plug it back in. It should work. To get a replacement TV would be expensive. My TV now is the best TV I ever had and probably ever will have. It's a 55" RCA 4K HDTV gotten at Shoppers Drug Mart for $450 on sale. 

My nest TV if I have to replace it will be a 40" 4K HDTV. 55" is a bit too big. I hope I find a good 40" 4K TV on sale. For an 8K TV, you'd need at least a 75" TV to perceive any difference. 

Television works again. 

Exasperating. I felt anxiety this evening. Then I realized that the only things I had to eat all day was a Starbucks coffee at 11 am, then a Tim Hortons coffee and a donut at 2:45. At 9 this evening I had a scrambled egg wrap. Feeling better. 

I have food boredom. The same food over and over again from the same restaurants and grocery stores in a small town. Vancouver has more variety. Also my own recipes and culinary makings are also very repetitive. 

Food boredom can lead to food anxiety which I often have. Thinking about food and eating when I'm not hungry always leads to food anxiety. I should only think of eating when I'm hungry and at no other time. 

This week on Monday, I have to wheel the handicapped girlfriend to a restaurant as it's Valentine's day. On Saturday, following welfare cheque day on Wednesday, it's wheel her for the once a month trip to the hair salon. She destroys my months one after another. Every month it's the wheeling her to the hair salon. There's no end in sight to the work. She doesn't get better and she's not being brought to assisted living. My life is hell and not worth living. I'm not better off dead. Maybe I'd be better off living in Vancouver. Again. This lady in the wheelchair is an umbrella that overshadows my life and she leeches off my energy. My kindness and concern for her will be my undoing. This lady is going to be the death of me. 

I used to work for her a few times a day. Now I only see her once a day. The workload is decreasing over time but never goes away completely. 

In the morning I go to the soup line and get two coffees. One for her. Then if it's a sunny day I often wheel her around the block not bearing to be able to think of her stuck in her room all day. I shouldn't care if she's in her room all day. It's really not my problem. I'm not legally required to help her. Wheeling her around is draining my energy. I knew it months ago. She was going to destroy my future and she has. What do I eat to live for? I eat to live another day and that day is partly spent working for her. 7 days a week. I hate the medical industry for not taking her to an assisted living facility. I hope that the work ends one day. I can't work for her 7 days a week. There must be at least two days a week where I don't visit her at all. 

All situations that I have ever had have ended. This situation will one day end too. 

I take it upon myself to volunteer to work for her. Blaming her for me working for her is like blaming the frying pan when I overcook a meal. 

I have to amend my schedule. I'm reaching burnout point again where the future seems like a wall that I can't face. I will only see her for two, three days a week tops. I need days where I don't visit her at all. Seeing her in the hallway is one thing. I will only see her Saturday, Monday and Wednesday. Even then it's just one visit a day. This week I will only visit on Monday and Tuesday. I need a few days off. 

She has taught me about burnout and my own limits. She taught me that it was better that I never became a parent. I would have had parental burnout for sure. 

There is no good karma. There is only no karma or bad karma. Good karma does not exist. If I help someone I get nothing back. If I do something bad to someone and I wouldn't do that, because for sure bad karma will happen. That's a kind of Murphy's Law, good karma doesn't exist, only no karama or bad karma ever exists or else No good deed goes unpunished. That's what I have with this handicapped girl friend who is a burden. 

Also never turn a negative event into a super negative event. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. I wind up working for her no more than five minutes a day on most days. Even when I wheel her, it's less than an hour a day. So all in all, that's getting off light compared to being the parent of a handicapped child. 

The days are long and I get bored which is why I relent to working for her. It gives me something to do. Most days I don't talk to a lot of people and not for very long. She is the only person I have to talk to. She tells me things like that I'm fine and not mentally ill, that the future will be better than I imagine, take it easy, and that I could get a BMW someday. 

If I ever get a BMW, I think the Police will stop me often and say, "So you got a BMW, eh? What do you plan to do with it? Don't drive crazy or recklessly or we'll be right on you like astroturf on the floor of a football stadium! We'll be watching you!" This marque or car brand can attract law enforcement who might think that you either stole it or else could afford whatever ticket you are issued. BMW is a Police magnet. I researched this online. The M series is even more of a Police magnet. Women in a BMW probably get less attention from the Police as men on average are more fast and more aggressive drivers. Maybe I shouldn't wish for a BMW. 

One day when things are better and I feel more relaxed and inspired, I might do cartoons again. I don't know if I should. I don't like my ratings on noxinfluencer dot com. Also my dislikes on my videos rating is awful. Douglas Bloch, Jean Claude Van Couver and Debbie Hellion all got better ratings than me. So it was a mistake for me to ever get involved with uploading videos to YouTube. It was a failed experiment. YouTube is the video website that 98% of people or more watch regularly. Uploading videos on any other website is a waste of time. 

I borrowed the movie Meander from the library. It doesn't look good. I watched the first couple of minutes of it and decided to skip it. I've skipped a lot of movies in my life. This movie is about a woman who accepts a ride from a stranger only to have that stranger stick her in a large adult sized drain pipe. Uh, no thanks. This movie is a horror movie in the genre of The Human Centipede and Saw. 

I borrowed Meander along with M Night Shyamalan's Old which is a movie guaranteed to send anyone with a health anxiety over the edge and I also borrowed Pig starring Nicholas Cage. This is a movie where Nicholas Cage does not kick ass. In this movie Nicholas Cage is a former star chef named Robin Fend who owns a truffle pig. 

Monday, February 14

Marital burnout and parental burnout. You are constantly burned out. 

I'm not upset that I never got married and I'm glad that I never had any children. I am prone to burnout. I didn't know this until last year. I thought that I was someone who could never get burnout like a superhero. 

Trudeau enacted The Emergency Act in effect for the next 30 days. This gives Police the power to use tow trucks to remove trucks from Ottawa. It also allows banks to freeze bank accounts of the truckers convoy. It also authorizes banks to use FINTRAC to financially track the movement of large sums of money, over $10,000. Trudeau's govt froze the Go Fund Me account of the truckers convoy which would have gone to pay for legal defenses. 

Quebec responded that it didn't need the Emergency Measures Act. 

The ideal is that this is Nation wide. The reality is if you live in a small town with no trucks in town parked in front of City Hall and refusing to move then it really doesn't apply to you. This time the Emergency Act mainly applies to Ottawa, Toronto, Ambassador Bridge and Windsor Bridge. 

Trudeau even said that it was geographically targeted to Ottawa and the Ambassador Bridge. 

The Emergency Act changes the vector and dynamics in terms of legal defense and legal response. It isn't a typical normal law. 

What's happening next? What will be the Truckers Convoy response to this? 

The Truckers Convoy is a populist move of populism. 

Isaac Newton said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction so this will be interesting to see. This could either work out really well for PM Trudeau or it can precipitate his political downfall. There is no middle ground. This is an extreme political act. 

Sic semper tyranus. This means that it's always this way to tyrants meaning that all tyrants will come to a bad end. 

I don't think that PM Trudeau will come to a bad end but he might not get reelected in 2025. Usually ten years is a maximum term for a Canadian PM. Two weeks is a lifetime in politics. Ten years is a lifetime in Canadian politics. Trudeau knows he's going out the door so he reckons that he can be reckless in trying to cement a legacy. This happens often with outgoing politicians. 

About his pandemic measures, Trudeau says he is interested in science. Is this real science or political science? 

Trudeau ushering in the Emergency Act gives the Opposition a casus belli to call in a vote of confidence. Even the NDP might agree as they might think that they could win the next election or at any rate, get more seats than they have now from the Left who would vote for the NDP and thus the NDP would try to get enough seats at least to be the Official Opposition due to Trudeau's unpopularity. The NDP supported and went along with Trudeau Emergency Act move hoping to goad him into making an error of judgement. Devious. Politics makes strange bedfellows of us all. 

There is perhaps only a narrow window of time to call a vote of confidence before Trudeau changes his mind and repeal the restrictions whereupon he will be one of the most popular Prime Ministers again. 

I think that the next Canadian election will be way before September 2025. 

Trudeau extends the restrictions awhile longer to appeal to those on the points of the curve that think that the restrictions aren't strict enough and then he will reveal them when he sees fit to appeal to those on the populist points of the curve who think the restrictions are too strict thus playing both sides of the crowd. What a shrewd politician. 

Emergency Measures Act. The acronym of which is EMA. That sounds like Emma. Emma was the wife of the first King of England, King Aethelred the Unready. I once knew a lady named Emma. 

Aethelred the Unready who was married to Emma was an ineffectual ruler who was unable to prevent the Danes from over running England.*

Trudeau the unready who invoked the EMA is a seemingly ineffective ruler who was unable to prevent causing a lot of Canadians trouble, stress and endless worry from his strange pandemic policies. 

*source: Britannica.com, Ethelred the Unready

A YouTube comment: Trudeau said the military would not be brought in. This means that Trudeau asked the military and they said no. 

Trudeau froze the bank accounts of the truckers involved in the Truckers Convoy. 

King Richard II didn't freeze the banks accounts of the peasants involved in the peasants revolt. He just had them hung drawn and quartered. 

I don't care about the pandemic anymore. I don't wear masks outdoors and I won't get any more vaccines. I'd rather die free than to live trapped under the duress of weird shit rules. They are more allergy shots than they are vaccines. 

A measles and polio vaccine you only need to take once. The more booster shots the less it is a vaccine. 

Even though the Liberals under PM Trudeau has a minority government with 159 seats, along with the NDP with 25 seats to prop them up, they have 

174 seats together. Plus Green Party of 2 seats = 176 seats. 

The Conservatives have 119 seats and with the Bloc Quebecois which has 32 seats, that's 151 seats together. No way that the Cons and the BQ would ever prop up the Liberals in any minority government. Right of Center Parties never prop up Left of Center parties. 

So even if a vote of confidence is called its 176 to 151 so that means Trudeau isn't going anywhere for awhile. One has to live with the cards they're dealt. 

I often don't remember my dreams anymore. My dreams are like two hour movies. At the time, the scenes are vivid, afterwards, I barely remember any of it, just some of it if that. Some movies are completely unmemorable. A few hours after seeing the movie, you don't remember any of it. 

University lectures are like that. That's why for me going to University would be a waste of money. The ADD attention deficit disorder kicks in hard and fast. 

I found a Gucci mask a few weeks ago near the Church. It has the Gucci name printed on it and Mickey and Minnie Mouse on it. Does it ever feel comfortable. I think a Gucci coronavirus mask is worth about $30. Pricey. 

Mask of Gucci. 

I would like to visit the Vatican. Yesterday on YouTube I did just that. The main hall or else St Peter's Basilica is very ornate. It has statues and majorly ones too. It has a statue of Mother Mary holding the crucified Jesus in her arms that Michelangelo himself carved. It has a statue of St Andrew and I often visit St Andrews Catholic Cathedral. The statue of St Andrew is holding a large club in his left hand. It has a statue of St Bruno which legend has it that he communicated with extraterrestrials. There was a statue of St Veronica who reminds me of the Archie comics. Most disturbingly there was also a past Pope lying in state as one of the "exhibits". In that way, Catholicism is weird compared to Protestantism. So on second thought, I'm glad I didn't go there in person to see that. It would have upset me. St Peter's Basilica is next level ornate. More ornate than any Churches I have ever visited. There's millions of dollars worth of architectural splendor there. Ciao buongiorno, hello good morning. 

Tuesday, February 15

I think I won't have a bad future as much as a boring future. Every week, and every day it's the same thing over and over again. It's either boredom or stress. I hope I can have a positive exciting future. 

Soldiers fighting a war say that it's long stretches of boredom and occasional bursts of stressful excitement. That's life. 

Every once in awhile something gets me interested and not bored be it a fascinating movie, YouTube video or app or even an opportunity to travel. 

I hope that God will guide me to a bright and non boring future. 

I'm bored because I'm caught in a scene. I always think that the scene I'm in will last forever but they never do. I'm always moving on to new scenes. One week I'm here. A few weeks later I'm walking down a street in another city. This has happened to me before lots of times. 

Heart. Broken. My favorite dental hygienist has left the profession. I saw her on the street today and found out. She's over 60 and it's a retirement for her. 

She is Polish and was my inspiration for learning Polish. I said to her, "Tenskilem za toba." I miss you. 

Life can change very quickly. Appreciate the ones you're with. 

I will meet other and new people. When one door closes another opens. 

I'll probably see her around on the street now that she's retired. I do love her as a friend. She is very sweet. 

The full story is worse. She didn't get vaccinated and thus had an argument with her boss the dentist. She doesn't believe in the vaccines. 

Another casualty of mismanaged covid policies. First it was 2 week lock down to flatten the curve. Months later still in lock down it was get a vaccine shot as the second shot was then referred to as the booster. Now the third shot is referred to as the booster. Which means the first shot wasn't that much of a vaccine at all. The government hasn't been true to their word in the last two years as they've kept moving their goalposts. 

She might work at that dentist office again one day. Everyone there loves her. She might get peer pressured back from her colleagues. Stranger things have happened. 

I told her that if she's working at a new clinic I'd go to that clinic as a client. Actually, I'd stay at the clinic I'm with now. Instead I'd make a plan to go for coffee or a dinner with her. I did go for dinner with her once. She is a sweet lady and a great lady. 

Wednesday, February 16

My left nostril I completely cured. Doctors often don't know what they're doing. I was prescribed Vaseline from one doctor, Polysporin from another doctor who said that Vaseline doesn't work and Fucidin Leo from another doctor who said that Polysporin doesn't work. I was advised against using liquid nitrogen but after picking off a glob of hard rubbery mucous I applied liquid nitrogen to the site which was sore and bleeding slightly. This did the job! The bump in my left nostril never returned. Usually it would return the next day after picking off the rubbery mucous. It's been 9 days. Pastor Joel said that either God will cure you or he will put into your mind the insight which you need to heal yourself. 

I wonder if doctors know what they are doing. Each time they gave me advice they got paid. The Vaseline advice, the Polysporin advice, the Fucidin advice. If I followed their advice, the lump would still be there. This was a source of my anxiety disorder which has since gone away to a great deal. 

I don't trust the medical industry. They're a bunch of quacks and fuck around doctors. The medical industry is bullshit. Self medication is the best. The only useful medical thing is tooth extraction and a tooth canal. But even then most dentists are bullshit. Dentists are really weird shits. 98% of doctors are bullshit. 

Sidney BC pier. 

I went to Sidney BC today. It was a last minute spontaneous decision. Expecting bus #30 or #31, bus #72 arrived instead. So I didn't go to Shaw cable and then to Walmart all on the same complex, Uptown Centre. 

Going to Sidney was a beautiful experience. I would like to move there one day. When I was there, I listened to Steely Dan: The Lost Gaucho on my Walkman with the songs Kind Spirit, Kulee Baba, Talking Bout My Home, The Bear, and The Second Arrangement, being my Sidney soundtrack. 

I looked and saw the Star cinema. It was closed today when I was there. It opens for the 7pm show but that's a few hours later. 

I went to Connections thrift store. I was on a budget so I didn't get anything. 

Even if I was rich I don't know if I'd get anything. I already have too much clothes. My aim is to have a minimalist apartment that looks like an IKEA showroom. 

Shopping through all those racks of clothes would be overwhelming. I looked for a yellow jacket but I couldn't find one. 

It was the first time I looked in there. I love the vibes of that building. 

I went to Sidney Bakery and got two donuts. I went to Fairway market and got some sweet & spicy kim chi. Then I went to the Sidney Fish market and got two cans of smoked Royal red salmon. Then I went to a Chinese restaurant and had fried noodles after walking to the pier. 

Sidney BC has a beautiful small town vibe. I love that town. I will be back. And one day I'd like to move there if I can. 

My vector to move to Sidney is to go to the Chinese restaurant and ask in Chinese if there is a room to rent there. I could speak in English since they all speak English but to speak in Chinese would give me an edge. I haven't spoken much Chinese in years so I'm rusty. To speak a different language would require me to turn something on inside. I didn't turn it on today. 

The managers at the restaurant can speak English, Cantonese and Mandarin. I only know Cantonese and not Mandarin. Even then my Cantonese isn't at expert level. 

I might try to get a job in Sidney but from this town, that would be quite a commute. 1 hour each way not including bus waits. 

Connections thrift store in Sidney BC. 

Unfortunately when I was in Sidney BC my OCD kicked in hard and fast. That is, my OCD concerning picking up garbage and throwing it in the trash can or even keeping it. I picked up two covid masks, kept them and at the bus stop waiting to come home, I must have picked up 12 cigarette butts and threw then in the garbage. Maybe this isn't a bad thing. Maybe it's a good omen that I could one day work as a janitor in Sidney. But how could I move to Sidney with OCD?! 

OCD is the frontal orbital cortex FOC, the anterior cingulate cortex ACC, and the caudate nucleus of the brain sending mixed signals to one another. 

I have to get on top of this one day. 

Two cans of smoked Royal red salmon from the Sidney Fish store. 

This is my favorite. It has a sweet molasses like sauce. That's why I bought two cans. 

Thursday, February 17

I went to Shaw cable and Walmart. 

Then I came home and decided to go to Sidney BC. Again. At Sidney, I got some Bleu D'Elizabeth blue cheese from Quebec made with unpasteurized milk and I got some Colton Basset Stilton cheese from England made with pasteurized milk. 100g each, $10 each. Pricey. 

I went to see Connections thrift store. Outside the store a friendly young lady said hi to me. She said hi again a second time. I said hello and walked away. Then I thought of the movie where the black lady said, "This is God giving you a sign. Recognize!" I was thinking that I should have talked to her more. Maybe I could have picked her up. Invite her to coffee, get her phone number or email and seen her a few more times again and then have sex with her. I had these thoughts despite the fact that my sex drive has evaporated. Which is an amazing accomplishment. She had very short brown hair like a crew cut and she seemed a tad retarded. But I could work with that. Sometimes a fantasy is better than the real thing. What if I talked to her more and she was turned off or not wanting anything more. Walking away leaves a mystery. I never know what could have happened. I imagined giving her cunnilingus. Retarded girls love that. Meeting her happened so suddenly. A super friendly woman will appear when I least expect it. 

Getting back to Sidney BC, I went to the bakery and got an apple fritter and a sausage roll. Then I went on a walk along the seashore. I walked back to Connections thrift store to take another look at that much loved place. Then I went home. It was a great trip. 

In Sidney BC today, I said a prayer of thanks to God for a good day and for the gift of life. I even quoted Jeremiah 29:11. When I got on the bus, through happenstance I sat behind a guy who was wearing a cross earring on his left ear. That was a sign from God! 

I trust the store completely but if I eat cheese from unpasteurized milk, could I get smallpox? I'll find out. I doubt I'd get smallpox. I thoroughly trust that store. 

Sidney BC story: In September 2021 when I visited Sidney BC shortly after my burnout nervous breakdown, still under the duress of my NB, I walked up Beacon Avenue saying, "I feel very confused, freaked out, scared and doomed." I repeated that a few times. Later I had dinner at a Chinese restaurant there. Looking out the window, I saw a lady wearing a grey T-shirt with yellow lettering which read, 'Strong Strong Strong Strong Strong' the words written on top of each other forming a column. I feel much better these days, months later. 

Have faith. What is faith? Faith is belief in God. Belief in a person is belief. Belief in God is faith. Even if you don't see a way, God has a way. 

At age 51, I think I have only 20 or so years to go. I think I'll die in my early 70s at the latest. I am worried that I will have a boring future. 

That's where faith comes in. I must let go of the worry and replace it with belief or faith that God has a good and hopeful future for me as stated in Jeremiah 29:11. 

The future just like the past is full of mind blowing surprises. At age 42 I never thought I would do gymnastics and flip my scooter with both hands. I never thought I would have two color changing lightsabers. I never thought I'd have a 55" 4K TV. I never thought that I would have tablets. I never thought that I would see royalty 3 times. I once saw Prince Andrew and Princess Sophie and Princess Kate. I regretted that when I saw Princess Sophie that I didn't line up to shake hands with her. I thought I was too insignificant of a person to meet her. However if I did shake hands with her I wouldn't have seen Princess Kate because that was dependant on a very finely tuned chain of events. It was like I was on a schedule. Had I been at that place a few minutes earlier or later, I would not have seen Princess Kate. Prince William was in the car beside her but I didn't see him. 

Who knows what the text ten years will bring? 

Ten years ago, I never thought that I would get to know and love the town of Sidney BC the way I have. I even went to see a movie there. 

I have three choices of towns. I can stay here in Victoria BC. I can try to move to Sidney or Vancouver. This town is boring and a fishbowl existence. Sidney BC is even more of a fishbowl existence and more boring, being a very small town. Vancouver is a regression as I lived there before. Vancouver is a sprawling city and only pockets of it are appealing to me. The suburbs, and the East end of Vancouver East of Commercial Drive is completely unappealing to me. Vancouver downtown Eastside is scary like a Hieronymous Bosch painting. Vancouver's DTES is the only place. I could afford to love. Everyone I spoke to in Victoria strongly advised me against moving there. 

Victoria BC is clean and calm comparatively. 

This is why I don't see a good future for myself. Only one of immense boredom. Where I don't see a way, God has a way. 

I'm tentatively thinking of seeing the movies Uncharted and Death and denial, I mean Death on the Nile at Sidney BC's Star cinema. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Then I'll have dinner at the Tandoori bistro. 

Douglas Bloch and Pastor Joel Osteen have made a difference. They saved my sanity. They are from the USA. All I have to say about that is God Bless the USA. 

Brian Hughes sounds a lot like Pat Metheny. I like jazz. I have liked jazz since I was a teenager. I looked up Jeff Lorber Pacific Coast Highway on YouTube. The last time I heard that song was in 1985 but for some reason I remember it. Is that geeky or what? I would get a geekiness dock for that one. Geekiness registers as an intrusive and unwanted thought. Music can be geeky. With hundreds of thousands of songs in existence, I would have to remember that one?! Well, there are songs recorded today that if someone remembers it 40 years later, it would register as geeky. That's life. Life is a geekshow. 

I like all jazz. Modern jazz and big bandera jazz, Thelonius Monk, John Coltrane etc. 

Herman's jazz club has jam night. You have to be good to sign up as a musician. I heard some of their jam sessions on YouTube. They are really good. 

The future is less scary with good music. Good music can get one through a pandemic. 

The first half of the 20th Century was a shitshow. World War 1, Spanish flu pandemic, prohibition, the Great Depression, World War 2, the Cold War. I hope the first half of this Century isn't also a shitshow. Covid pandemic and European airforce on Def Con 2 because of Russia and Ukraine. Things don't look that hopeful. 

Most people barely had a radio or television in the first half of the 20th Century. In the first half of this Century, people have blu Ray players, the internet and cable TV or at the very least a radio. 

In this town a bus day pass costs $5. Sidney BC is an hour each way. Potentially, one can go to Sidney BC and back to Victoria BC 4 times in a day. That's 8 hours of bus riding for $5. That's Thailand levels or even cheaper for transportation prices! Today I went to Walmart and back and then to Sidney BC and back all for $5. The bus was 1st class in terms of Thailand busses. Padded seats as in first class not wooden seats as in third class. It was an air conditioned bus too. Rott air, in Thai. And the bus I rode in was a double decker. Hardly any if any double decker busses in Thailand. I got a good deal. 

Vancouver bus day pass is $10.75 but that includes Skytrain and Seabus. Travel from Horshoe Bay to Coquitlam is a three hour trip. Prorated, it is comparable to the bus day pass of this town. Travel from Grouse Mountain to Tsawwassen Ferry terminal is a good 4 hour trip and then travel back all for $10.75 includes Skytrain and Seabus. The Skytrain is a multi billion dollar infrastructure. All tracks and trains included, the Skytrain in Vancouver is worth about $4 billion. 

Thursday February 17 was one of the best hockey games I had ever seen. Vancouver Canucks vs San Jose Sharks at San Jose. San Jose had home ice advantage but that didn't stop the Canucks from winning. The score was 4 - 3 for the Canucks including Vancouver Canucks' Jake Middleton also having scored a goal but San Jose's Alexander Barbanov scored at literally the very last second of the 3rd period. Then two minutes into overtime, the Canucks' JT Miller scored and won the game for the Canucks. San Jose fans left the stands silent and crestfallen. 

Friday, February 18

My guess is that the Police are very concerned about Ottawa. Protests that last for weeks have the definite potential of getting violent as seen with the Thailand red shirt protests and the Hong Kong 5 Demands protests. 

The protesters have been in Ottawa for three weeks. All it takes is for a tripwire or a signal to be let off and and the Parliament buildings could be stormws and MPs could be taken captive in a January 6th like incident. A tripwire is a signal for a infiltrated domestic terrorist cell to immediately start their next phase of operations. This is a worse case scenario. I could see why the Police are doing what they are doing. Those trucks could be carrying explosives and they weren't screened with the standard security checks before going into the city. 

I applaud the heroic spirit of the Truckers to stand up for freedom and to hold the government accountable and trying to get te restrictions lifted like they were in England. I also applaud the Police for keeping the city safe. 

As it is the protesters aren't leaving and slowly more are joining in. Trucks are being removed but pedestrian protesters are steadily holding their numbers. 

The Truckers Convoy demands are 1. No masking mandates 2. No vaccine passports 3. Stop classifying Truckers Convoy as riots. There was a YouTube video where the demands were on the side of a white truck written in black tape. The video was on today, Friday February 19 on Fox News. I tried to find it again to take a screenshot of it. After an hour looking, I couldn't find it so I gave up. I found it:

*source. Canadian Trucker: We'll fight to the bitter end. Fox News. YouTube

*source: Will Cain: Canada Truckers protest may end with a twist involving America. Fox News. YouTube

Sometimes protests work and sometimes they don't. It worked in the case of the Indian Farmers Strike as the Three Laws have been repealed. 

It didn't work in the case of the January 6 Insurrection as Trump didn't get re-installed in Office for the next term. 

The Hong Kong protests only partially worked. The extradition bill was retracted. The other demands, not characterizing the protests as riots, release of prisoners, Police inquiry and resignation of Carrie Lam did not happen. 

The red shirt protests in Thailand did not work. They wanted a previous PM re-installed which never happened. The previous PMs sister was also PM and she was who the red shirts supported. However she faced questioning by the military junta and was removed from Office through a Constitutional Court decision in May 2014. 

In Canada, this protest is redundant. Canada being a British commonwealth will eventually follow Britain's lead and lift the restrictions with or without a protest. What helped  lead to the lifting of restrictions in England was that PM Boris Johnson went to a few parties with no masking and no social distancing which led to Second Permanent Secretary in the Cabinet Office Sue Gray to investigate as it is her job is to report to the Minister for the Cabinet Office. Britain didn't have a Truckers Convoy which is external. It took an investigation from the Cabinet Office which is internal. 

Trudeau's EMA has resulted in Truckers Convoy protesters getting their windows smashed and pulled out of their truck, pets confiscated and threatened with euthanization, and a lady in a walker got trampled by a horse.  

"When going against a monster be careful lest you become a monster yourself." PM Stephen Harper 

The Truckers Convoy is so big that I wonder if the Conservative Party is secretly behind it. 

"IRA Politics and terrorism are different ends of the same snake. Whichever end you grab, you still grab a snake. " The Foreigner starring Jackie Chan

The alt right is the civilian militant branch of the Conservative Party just as Anti-fa is the civilian militant branch of the Liberal Party. Just as the IRA is the militant branch of Sinn Fein. To underscore this the former Sinn Fein Leader Gerry Adams was formerly a politician from 2011 to 2020. They probably even teach this in political science in University. 

Prince Charles met and shook Gerry Adams hand, probably to thank him for doing the favour; Re: Mountbatten. 

Democrats started the KKK. Republicans freed the slaves. Sometimes the line is not so clear. 

The Truckers Convoy is a functionary of the alt-right. 

What starts out as a peaceful grass roots movement of a lot of protesters is soon infiltrated and commandeered by domestic terrorists. Some of the grass roots protestors would have ideas of storming political buildings and the domestic terrorists stood up to form a line between the grass roots protestors and the worst and most extreme forms of potential Police brutality. 

Just as the peace and love hippie scene in Haight-Ashbury was eventually taken over by speed freaks biker gangs. Not all the hippies motives were pure and not all the bikers were evil. The hippies were sometimes petty tyrants and ripped people off. The bikers in a lot of ways acted as protectors. It's like yin and yang. There is a little bit of impure motives even in the most good people and there is a little bit of love and honour even in the most bad people. 

It isn't black and white, but shades of grey. But not 50 shades of grey! 

Today I felt good for most of the day. For awhile I felt worry and depression but no anxiety. Worries about a boring future. Let's face it. I'm old. I'm past my prime. The old have no future. 

Paul Hardcastle recorded over 100 good jazz songs, Jazzmaster  Volumes 1 to 6 plus a few other jazz albums. The Jazzmaster albums have a female jazz singer and that is often my favorite type of jazz. 

Tomb Raider starring Alicia Vikander is a really good movie. She goes to a deserted mysterious Japanese island to uncover an ancient Royal tomb. Lots of surprises, action and mystery. 

US President Joe Biden says that Russia will attack Kiev in a few days. World War 3. It's on baby! Maybe not. Russia already annexed Crimea a few years ago in 2014 and no World War 3 happened. My advice to citizens of Kiev. Move to another town as soon as possible. High tail it out of there! 

Ukraine was once part of Russia. It was a Federated Soviet State. They got independence in 1991. Many Ukrainians prefer Russian rule thinking that they had more of certain creature comforts under Russian rule than they do now. 

Angelic signs. Today, I went to look out the window. Bus #47 was between two yellow taxi cabs. On an afternoon walk, a baby carriage crossed my path. I saw the baby was wearing two golden shoes. To my right was a hill sloping down. East Indian parents were pushing that baby carriage up the hill and it crossed my path at the exact right time. Had I looked out the window or walked along that path even even 20 seconds earlier or later, I wouldn't have seen it. 

Saturday, February 20

I was going to go to Sidney BC to see Uncharted at the movie theater. I didn't go. Slacked off. Instead, I wheeled my handicapped girlfriend to the hair salon. I felt slight worry, fear and depression about my future. This afternoon, I had a teeny tiny toke of Marijuana. I listened to The Pat Metheny Group song James. That song is a slice of heaven. In the YouTube comments I found out that Lyle Mays died in January 2020. I wept slightly because he was a musical idol of mine. He was a major musician. 

The movie Uncharted is like Indiana Jones or else like Nate and Hayes. 

When I listen to the Pat Metheny song James it makes me feel that I'm already living in a rich house in Vancouver near UBC and that I already have a BMW. The song makes me feel rich and heavenly. 

I thank God for the gift of life. 

Angelic sign. I went to look out the window. I saw one yellow taxi cab parked on the street and driving down the street next to it was a yellow ordinary car. Again, 20 seconds earlier or later and I would have missed that. 

I see so many London walking videos on YouTube where someone is wearing two yellow shoes or wearing two yellow gloves. I also see the word King written on so many stores and buildings in London. Often I will step out of my room and when I walk back in, the word King or an angelic sign appears on the video I am watching. Had I walked in even 5 seconds later, I would have missed it. I see so many Royal signs that I think someone who is Royal and died is haunting me intensely but in a very good way. A Royal spirit could be standing near me now but I wouldn't know it. The Royal signs would have no validity unless I had the countless Royal dreams that I have had. If you had Royal dreams, chances are you will get Royal signs in your life too if you look. 

The phrase "have no fear" appears about 365 times in the Bible. One for every day of the year. 

I shouldn't worry about the future or about growing old. Today, I opened a book that talked about Psalm 92:13 - 14. "Those who trust in God... In old age shall bear fruit and grow fat."

Psalm 92:

13 planted in the house of the Lord,

    they will flourish in the courts of our God.

14 They will still bear fruit in old age,

    they will stay fresh and green,

Sunday, February 20

Today I went to Church. 

Then I went to Sidney and saw the movie Uncharted. It was a very good movie. A treasure hunt. At Sidney I bought a chicken sandwich, a snail shell which is a round croissant Danish, some fresh pasta and a small pecan pie. I also got some gongonzola cheese. The pier was as beautiful as ever. Good vibes. I listened to the Pat Metheny Group on my Walkman the whole time. Brian Hughes is good but Pat Metheny is the King of modern jazz. The song Better Days Ahead and James are really good songs. 

Today is the future to a few months past and the future did indeed turn out better than I imagined. I wiah I could tell me burnout PTSD self of a few months ago that I had a good future in store. I hope that my future is still good. 

I had an afternoon nap from 6:15 to 6:40. I woke up in fear. Now at 7:43 as I write this, the fear has gone away slightly. I hope that my fear isn't forever. I must lose my fear of growing old. Growing old is longevity. Growing old isn't bad when the alternative is dying young. 

Thoughts about Uncharted. I didn't like it when the Tom Holland character stole the rich lady's diamond bracelet. What an odious and unsavoury act. The Tati Gabrielle character may be around for the sequel. Hopefully she escaped the pirate ship falling down on her in the ocean. The post credits scene definitely hints at a sequel. Uncharted is a PSP films movie. PSP as in Sony PSP as this movie is based on a PSP game. Usually it's the other way around. A lot of PSP games are based on movies. 

Monday, February 21

I still wake up in fear every day. The fear comes from internal and external unresolved issues. My internal unresolved issues are my smoking habit which I have been unable to quit. I can barely imagine life without me smoking. I have OCD when it comes to picking up garbage. I used to only pick up dangerous garbage like broken glass or a garbage bag flopping in the middle of the road. Now it extends to non dangerous garbage like scraps of paper and cigarette butts and especially Marijuana roaches. I haven't been able to stop working for my handicapped girlfriend. Most days I only see her for less than half an hour a day. I'm not legally required to work for her. If she gets worse, she'll go to assisted living. My external unresolved issue is the pandemic which seems to never end although it has ended in England, a few Canadian Provinces not mine, and a few States in the US. 

Age 45 to 65 is middle age. 

A place for everything and everything in it's place. Render unto Caesar. Old age isn't bad. For the things I like in life I am still alive. For the things I don't like and never have liked in life, the end is relatively near. 

I am not old yet. Old is age 65 or even 70. I am still in middle age. 

When I was in my late 20s I thought I was old then. I always think I'm old. 

Tuesday, February 22

Went to the ENT doctor. I got a clean bill of health. 

It turns out that all those months I worried about my nose, I worried for nothing. This often happens in life. 

Struggling with depression, not feeling with it, not feeling connected to the forces of life. 

My prayer: "God, I thank you for helping me with my confidence and clarity of mind."

I've been struggling with depression for years. I hope I'm not depressed for the next 20 years or else for the rest of my life. Otherwise I don't know how I can go on living. But I will. Even in the midst of depression I still have the presence of mind to say, "Thank God for the gift of life. Glory to God in the highest."

PM Trudeau's EMA ambitiously aspires to freeze the bank accounts of the participants of the Truckers Convoy and any other kind of dissidents and those who donate to them including freezing crypto currency accounts. 

This could only go so far. 

Cryptocurrency - There are several kinds of crypto currency, bitcoin, doge coin, Koinye West, etc and those are only the one I know about. There are quite a bit more. They all use VPNs as well as the notoriously difficult to encrypt Tor The Onion Router which spans and criss crosses a network of  several countries from the sender to the end user. Freezing crypto currency would negatively affect the IPO of crypto currencies. 

Freeze bank accounts - that only applies to those who bank with the Big Six banks in Canada. Some have US and overseas bank accounts. With an Interac or Cirrus bank card, you can deposit and withdraw money anywhere in the world. Donald Trump openly supports the Truckers Convoy. What if he donated to them through a proxy? Could the Canadian government CRA Canada Revenue Agency freeze his bank account? I don't think so. Due to depositors insurance which covers only up to $100,000 in case of a repeat of the 1929 incident of a run on the banks, he might have hundreds of bank accounts here and there. And not all of his money is in bank accounts. He has stock investments and non-liquid assets such as real estate and yachts. 

Such policies may backfire as many Canadians may now opt to bank with banks in places outside of Canada like the pecuniarily and fudiciarily exclusive Cayman Islands under a front company. 

Crowd-funding - GoFundMe is a regular Internet based crowdfunding website but there are dozens of such websites. And on the dark web there are probably tons of crowdfunding websites. 

In this age of techies, there are lots of loopholes to get around such bank account freezing government policies. 

"There is nothing as permanent as a temporary government policy." Milton Friedman

Sales tax was only supposed to be for World War 1. That has stayed on forever since. 

YouTube comment: Remove mask while eating at restaurants. Covid 19 knows when you're eating and when you're not? That's science. 

In life one goes through many situations. A town one is in, a job one is in, a place which one is living, and we always think these situations or scenes will last forever. But they never do. And when we go on to the next scene, we may miss the scene we were in before. Appreciate the scene you're in. Savor every second. One day we will move on to another scene and miss this one. Every scene I've ever been in including this one, I swore it would last forever. But it doesn't. 

Fox News has videos with click bait titles. Videos with thumbnails which read as, Trudeau Resign Done. Intrigued I watched the video. The video just says that Trudeau is ongoing with his EMA. Nothing about Trudeau resigning or  being 'done'. What click bait hogwash. 

I hate misleading click bait titles. Fox News doing that just ruins their own reputations. Fox News is the alt-right conspiracy theory alternative News channel. They selectively tailor their News coverage to fit their conspiracy theory optics. They tell good stories just like the National Enquirer and World Weekly News told good stories. 

Fox News said that because rich Ukrainian oligarchs donated billions to President Joe Biden's family, the Biden administration supports Ukraine. Fox News also said that after a series of political quid pro quos between the US under Biden and Russia under Putin, that there could be a nuclear war. If so, the government should dispense emergency supplies of heroin to the public as standard issue for the nuclear war. In a very extreme case as this, its better to die of the consolation of a heroin overdose rather than to die from a nuclear bomb. A heroin overdose would be the lesser of two evils in this case. Would it be prudent for people to write a letter to their Congressman asking about the government providing emergency supplies of heroin to prepare for the nuclear war that Fox News said could happen?*

*source: Tucker Carlson Tonight 2/22/22 FULL HD | Fox Breaking News Trump February 22, 2022. YouTube

Church teaches to pray for political leaders. I wish PM Trudeau the best. I hope that he ends up well after these current crises. PM was one of if not the youngest Canadian PM ever elected. He was 44 when first elected PM. 

"Politics is one of the few professions where you could be considered a beginner at age 50." George Orwell

"When going through hell, just keep going." PM Jean Chretien

I think that PM Trudeau is a Godly Christian man and has faith in God and Jesus Christ. PM Trudeau is a Catholic and a Christian. 

"Nothing in politics is ever so good or as bad as it first appears." Edward Boyle 

Mysterious Traveler radio shows from 1948 on YouTube is pretty good. During such cloistered times as a pandemic or else hiding out from the latest air raid siren, listening to such radio shows are a nostalgic pastime. 

One story is" I Won't Die Alone". Two bank robbers. One gets captured and sent to prison for 17 years. After being released from prison, the former bank robbery partner now rich looks for him hoping to connive his former partner in crime for his share of the $248,000 they robbed. The man who was sent to prison hid the money before being sent away. Finally they are led to a cave where the money was hidden. The money was 1931 money and gold backed. In 1933 the US government relinquished gold backed money. The money is worthless. What's more the cave is a trap. The man sent to prison had cancer which was the reason he was released. It runs out that the prison cancer man deliberately led the other to the cave to trap him and thus kill him when originally it was the other way around, the other wanted to kill the other. 

Another story is The Man Who Vanished. A man makes a potion allowing him to disappear. He robs a jewellery store and kills the owner. The story tells of his further attempts to evade Police custody while being invisible. 

Wednesday, February 23, 

Jean-Luc Ponty albums showed up in YouTube suggestions as I was listening to Pat Metheny Group's Third Wind Live which is one song I'd listen to live in multiple versions. I haven't listened to JLP in decades. I was a JLP fan when I was a teenager but have since branched out into a lot of different genres of music. For years, I was under the impression that I had since outgrew jazz music. JLP music is pretty good. It's different than disco dance or heavy metal music like Van Halen. However I'm not that much of a fan of violins. Sherlock Holmes played the violin. I once had a friend who played the violin but that friend died. Not of violin playing, though.

So I thought I'd give it a try and I clicked on to the YouTube video suggestion.

Jean-Luc Ponty's Sunset Drive, Dreamy Eyes, Fake Paradise, In Spiritual Love are songs I'd listen to on an iPod. Actually, a lot of if not all JLP songs are good. There is a hypnotic transcendental quality to JLP music and it can cheer up someone who is depressed. It's been almost 40 years since I listened to Jean-Luc Ponty's music. What a genius. The music can take you to another world.

Today, PM Justin Trudeau revoked the Emergency Measures Act. Yesterday he said that he would extend it indefinitely. What a major drastic change. This is somewhat of a miracle.

Pierre as in PM Pierre Trudeau and Jean as in PM Jean Chretien are French names. Justin as in PM Justin Trudeau is an English name. English first name, French last name. English mother, French father. 

English literature, French jazz as in Jean-Luc Ponty and German cars as in BMW. Welcome to the 1980s. But the 80s are over. The 80s was last century. Talking about the 80s now in the 2020s is like people in the 1920s talking about the 1880s. 

Today, I wheeled my handicapped girlfriend to a coffee shop near the Legislative Buildings. Then after, we were going up a hill. The hill was very steep, she is heavy. I almost didn't make it but someone helped me push her up the hill. What a kind gentleman. I don't know if I would have made it without the person helping. What if he wasn't there? Thoughts like this could give me burnout again. Close calls are always somewhat traumatic. I hope I don't get PTSD burnout again.

Pastor Rick Warren said that our purpose in life is to get to know and love God. How do we show that we don't know God? Worry. Worry is practical atheism. The belief that we are all alone to fend for ourselves and that there is no God. Let go and let God.*

*source: If I Could Only Teach You One Thing: Why God Made You With Pastor Rick Warren. Saddleback Church. YouTube

For some reason, I think that I will die in a few years. Me helping my handicapped friend will lead to burnout causing my death. The work is daily and never ending. I am habituated to helping her. 

Why do I visit her? "It's the only thing that's keeping me sane!"

Just like The Falcon and the Snowman. When the Sean Penn character was explaining why he did heroin. "It's the only thing that's keeping me sane!"

She gives me good advice. She told me that I won't be depressed for life.

I think that the mental damage and burnout that I get from helping her will be with me for years. I'm mentally damaged. I'm damaged goods.

I think that the pictures of the moon mission are all fake. I had a dream last night that I visited the moon with a team of people. In my dream, the Earth looked enormous from the moon. The Earth looks too small in the moon mission pictures. The Earth is 4 times larger than the moon.

I got a flyer from a woman in the street. It addresses how so many in BC don't have a family doctor and many have lived here for years. If the government was so gung ho about health, instead of just issuing mask mandates, vaccine passports and pushing people to get vaccines, they'd also try to see that everyone in BC has access to a family doctor or GP. As it is, GPs don't get paid that much and real estate in this Province is expensive. Overpriced. Which is why it isn't a good idea to have children. The World isn't fit for the next generation, real estate price wise. The website to sign a petition is bchealthcarematters.com. I signed the petition but mistakenly left my real email address. That's OK. I only check it a few times a year. If I were to do it again, I'd use a fake but functional email address from  tempmail. Never use your real email address as this bchealthcarematters could sell it to spammers. I don't trust anyone at all when it comes to this. Never leave your real email address. I only check my email a few times a year. And the inbox is set to exclusive. So any unrecognized or junk mail goes into a junk mail folder where it is automatically deleted after 30 days.

My old acquaintance from Dawson Creek sent me an email late last year. This despite the fact that I haven't seen him in person for over ten years. He's a bit of a cyberstalker. He used to own restaurants and a bar but despite that, on his YouTube and Twitter account, he has less than ten followers on each of those accounts. He probably does that to everyone he knows. Stalks them and then they ignore him and don't follow him on twitter or subscribe to him on YouTube. He's a really weird guy but the world is full of weird people. The world will only be weird for so long. In about twenty years or so, I'll be dead of old age or else from whatever the fuck medical condition then I won't have to worry about this weird world anymore which really leaves much to be desired. How much do I like life? Certainly not 100%. Maybe just 80%. I hate and resent much about life. Life is a defective algorithm, the human species is a defective species and I'm glad I didn't have any children and I somewhat look forward to the day I die.

I thought that my friend from Dawson Creek wants to lure me or entice me to go back there. I'm surprised that he didn't hire someone to tranquilize me, put me in a van and then when I wake up, I'm in Dawson Creek. But is Dawson Creek a town that is known for doing that? Yeah, every time me or anyone else thinks about Dawson Creek, they're thinking of people getting tranquilized. 

 

 

There might not be a God. There's just random forces and we're here all alone left to fend for ourselves. Religion is a racket of an industry that's been around for hundreds if not thousands of years and it is  designed to assuage human's most basic fears with a lot of fables and made up stories. And to make money while doing it. Priests are too lazy for a blue collar job and not smart enough for a white collar job so they make up their own white collar-like job as being part of a Priesthood. It's all a money making racket. 

Religion is parodied in the 1968 Planet of the Apes movie. The Sacred Scrolls: 'Beware the beast man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, for he is the harbinger of death.'

The Bible was written in the Bronze Age. Let's be objective here. 

God gets anthropomorphized but He is really an algorithm, a non-anthropomorphic algorithm. 

A Catholic Priest once said, "God is a verb." 

As Spinoza said, God is omnimorphic. 

I still go to Church and believe in God because what else is there? Depression? Suicidal ideation? Negativity? Forget that! It leads to burnout. Life hates a vacuum, therefore, as Voltaire said, "Even if God didn't exist it would be necessary for Man to invent Him."

If God exists, I need to see proof. I really wish to one day experience 'The peace which surpasses all understanding." I heard that phrase spoken quite a few times lately in the last few days, at Church and on YouTube videos. Hopefully this is an omen that I will experience that kind of peace because lately all I've experienced is depression, fear, worry, burnout and  PTSD. And let's not forget anxiety. 

The JWST seeks to find alien life in Proxima B. That planet orbits the nearest star to the sun, Proxima Centauri. Brilliant idea since while in the habitable zone, Proxima B orbits Proxima Centauri once every 11 days. And it spins on its orbit every 11 days so like our moon, only one side faces the sun. The planet is like a McDLT or else it's like the Wham album Music from the Edge of Heaven. It has a hot side and a cool side. Only a perimeter of the planet that neither faces towards or away from the sun has life. The JWST seeks to detect life on the side of the planet that faces away from its sun and towards Earth at the same time, essentially the center of a circle. But on that planet, if there is life that developed artificial technological light even low tech light such as fire based light like torches or bonfires, that light would be at the cimcumferential perimeter of the circle and not the center of the circle, so good thinking and good luck. 

Thursday, February 24

Russia bombed an airport in Ukraine.* Russian tanks are in Ukraine 2nd largest city Kharkiv. Its on. Its all over. Ukraine should immediately surrender to save lives. How can Ukraine fight the Russian bear? Ukrainian troops are outnumbered 100 to 1. Ukraine is a small country even smaller because one-third of it is under Chernobyl radiation. Russia is a superpower with a space program. This is it. It's game over. For Ukraine to fight Russia would be suicide.

*source: BBC News. Fireball after Russian missile hits airport in Western Ukraine. YouTube. February 24, 2022

Today I went to the James Bay Inn for breakfast. Then I walked to the beach and back. Following an early afternoon of persistent chronic long term dysthymia or depression. And fear. I went on another walk. Usual OCD of picking up garbage. I believe that my chronic low grade depression which has been with me for years if not decades will be with me for the rest of my life. I get brief respites, moments, hours or even a day of bliss of depression free times and then its back to the depression again. Well, anyways, thank God for the gift of life. I believe that God will lead me to the peace that surpasses all understanding. Thank God for the gift of life. Thank God for my good health. Thank God for my friends. Thank God that I live in a clean city. Thank God for my television and the internet. Glory to God in the highest. 

Friday, February 25 

Today I walked to Fisherman's Wharf and today I found a new jacket. 

Today I wheeled my handicapped girlfriend outdoors for awhile. 

Early in the evening, I had a couple of good smokes of marijuana. First the fear. Fear of being old, fear of my strange habits and OCD, strange tastes and somewhat offbeat personality. When I was younger, I couldn't wait to get older. Getting older is possible. Now I don't want to get older. It's not that I want to get younger, I just want to not get any older. Not getting older is impossible. The dynamic of my life's wishes when it comes to the passage of time has shifted from possible to impossible. 

Getting older isn't good or bad, it's neutral. I still thank God for the gift of life. I have weird habits but these aren't new habits. They're habits I have had for years. I could live with it and accept it then, why not now? 

Even in the depths of me getting wasted I still remember to thank God for the gift of life. And I remember to say The Lord's Prayer. 

Let go of fear. Let go and let God. I wend and weave through these passing seconds of my life one after another. It isn't anything I could do about it except to place my life in God's hands and to trust God. More than being  confident, I wish to be a good person. I thank God for guiding me to be a good person. One can be confident but be a bad person. Confident or not, I strive to be a good person, one of the Light and to be a follower of Christ. 

I have to accept getting older and getting old. It might be one of the best if not the best season of life. It's all a set of advantages and disadvantages. In youth, the body is more well developed. In old age, the emotions and the mind and spirit are more well developed even though the body is getting less so. At nearing age 52, I really don't feel that much different than I did at age 42 or even 32. 

I still struggle with tobacco and masturbation. 

Tobacco and masturbation. Listed above political excitement and politics and religious enthusiasm and listed below periodical fits. That sounds about right. 

I will do cartoons again when I'm in a better place. Because of all the drawings, cartoon project files take up quite a bit of memory. I have to delete old project files to get memory for new projects. I have a hoarder mentality and hold on to old project files even though I don't look at them again let alone use them again. I'll delete old project files one day. 

I have no ideas for a new cartoon. No story ideas. 

When I have free time and don't feel compelled to to be a caregiver for my handicapped girlfriend then I will have time to do cartoons. My last cartoon, the Emily Carr's monkey cartoon, only 18 people in the World saw it. 18 views. That's hardly an incentive to do more cartoons. I thought I could make money off of my cartoons enough to rent a place near UBC for the rest of my life and enough to get a BMW. Even a cheap old 80s BMW. I like the idea of renting a  house on a per month basis to live in rather than to purchase real estate. I wouldn't mind living in a suite in a house if I have good neighbors who I like. I could move around, live in James Bay, in Sidney BC and near UBC. I also wouldn't mind living in a nice house in the Strathcona neighborhood of Vancouver. 

Within a year from now, I might be addicted to marijuana again and start smoking it regularly. It doesn't go well with PTSD but my PTSD and burnout are going away. 

Jean Luc-Ponty has a website that lets people write him a message and he often replies. I didn't write to him but thought of it. But there are over a dozen great musicians who I could write a message to but didn't. If I were to write to JLP, I'd write something like, "Dear Jean-Luc Ponty: I have been a fan of your music since 1985. Your music is great and sounds heavenly. I am an animated cartoonist and 51 years old. I wish you the best always. Your music will be forever loved. Yours, Dean Noble"

Jean Luc Ponty replied to one person who wrote to him, "You're dreaming Will. I have never owned a Stradivarius."

Stradivarius violins range from $5 million and one sold in Japan for $16 million. 

Jean-Luc Ponty plays Zeta brand violins and they average about $2,000. You can get one for about $1,500 and some sell for over $4,000. 

Jean-Luc Ponty likes to play 5 string violins while Stradivarius violins are usually 4 string violins. 

Jean-Luc Ponty uses Benoit Rolland violin bows. 

Sherlock Holmes played the violin. He used to intravenously inject cocaine and then play the violin. But Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character. 

I've heard Stradivarius violins on YouTube with headphones. They have a sonorous hollow sound, deep and rich like violin strings strapped to a bell. 

I think the price is due to the fact that are so few. And that they are so old. There are about 615 of these violins left. Stradivarius made violins around 1715. Stradivarius violins come from the forests of Fiemme Valley in Italy where they had abnormal seasons which produced wood of regular strength rather than in forests with normal seasons which made wood of irregular strength. The maple wood of Stradivarius violins were mineral treated in an ancient process now forgotten. The woods used were spruce for the top, willow for the inner linings and maple for the ribs, neck and back. 

Zeta violins sound pretty good and I don't think the Stradivarius sound is $10 million dollars worth of a difference. You're paying as much for antiquity, rarity and prestige as much as for the sound. 

But a Stradivarius violin does sound nice. 

I think the movie The Red Violin was about a Stradivarius violin. No it's not. It's about a violin made in Cremona Italy in 1681 by a legendary violin maker Nicolo Bussotti who paints the violin with blood. Actually, yes, the Red Violin is based on The Red Mendelssohn, a red Stradivarius violin made in 1720 which sold for $1.7 million in 1990 and which violinist Elizabeth Pitcairn owns. She got the violin when she was 16 years old. 

Violinist Elizabeth Pitcairn with The Red Mendelssohn. 

Saturday, February 26

I went to Sidney BC Star Cinema and saw Death on the Nile. Russell Brand was in that movie. And so was Dawn French aka the vicar of Dibley. Gal Gadot aka Wonder Woman was in the movie as well. Very good movie. 

The rest of the day, I felt boredom and fear. I fear getting old. I hope that Douglas Bloch and Pastor Joel Osteen speaks specifically about the fear of growing old one day. 

Psalm 92: 13 - 14 "Those who have faith in the Lord shall bear fruit even in old age and they will stay healthy and vital."

Growing old is one day at a time. 

Growing old is a season. All seasons are beautiful. Growing old is winter and winter is beautiful. 

Youth is the physical being well developed. Growing old is although the physical is not so well developed, the emotions, the intellect and the spirit are well developed. 

Sunday, February 27

Mass formation psychosis. 

Putin most likely won't use nukes against Ukraine. Ukraine poses no offensive military threat to Russia. All the fighting is done within Ukraine and its not as if Ukrainian forces are making incursions into Russia. If  Ukrainians won major battles within Ukraine defeating Russian troops then Putin would send nukes into Ukraine?! WTF?! 

Nukes would only be used for defense and as a last option. Russia isn't under threat from Ukraine. 

Logistically, Ukraine is valuable to the West as a military station close to Russia. Putin wants to prevent that. 60 years ago, Russia wanted to use Cuba for the same reason, as a military station close to the US. Cuba produces no nuclear missiles. Russia wanted to send some missiles over to Cuba on a ship but if they did, President Kennedy would have stopped it militarily either through blowing up the ship and or sending nukes to Russia. That was the Cuban missile crisis. 

The events of recent would be the Ukrainian missile crisis. 

Putin can't send nukes to a small country which poses no nuclear threat and that may or may not be defeating his troops within that country that's defending itself. Are there even any nuclear missiles within Ukraine? I don't know but I'm guessing they don't. 

Today I went to Church. Good strong Sunday vibes. A few friendly ladies at Church. After Church I went to a Chinese restaurant and had wonton noodles. Sunday afternoons are for listening to 70s music. I don't know about 'the peace that surpasses all understanding' but Sunday vibes together with 70s music is pretty good. 

Monday, February 28

Thank God for the gift of life. 

I thank God that his plans are to prosper me and to give me a good future with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

I thank God that old age is not something to fear. Psalm 92: 13 - 14

Negativity for years has only worn me down. I often still wake up and think negative words like, "My death." "I am better off dead." "Life is a trap." "Life is scary." 

But before long, I bounce back and say "Thank God for the gift of life." And "Our Father which is in heaven. Holy is your name. Your kingdom come your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Lead us not into temptation and protect us from evil. For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever. Amen" 

Thank God for this beautiful day. 

I hope that my handicapped lady friend either recovers or gets moved into an assisted living facility. I hope that God makes this happen. 

Once she moves into assisted living, I can do cartoons again and I can travel again. Travel farther and for longer. I hope I can find a better girlfriend although the one I have now is very sweet. She is my sweetness. 

Pastor Joel Osteen said that God is moving you from glory to glory. You may not be where you want to be but you're in a better place than you were before. Instead of wishing where you could be, be happy with where you are now. 

I got my 3rd or booster shot today for Covid-19 at Shoppers Drug Mart. It was only a 5 minute wait. I did it despite the anti vax conspiracy theories. A it vaxxers will say it's a genetic experiment, you'll be dead within 2 years and that you're a sheep. Oh well. Whatever. I did it anyways to be trendy. 

I smoked pot for the last 3 days in a row. I smoke tobacco everyday. I think I might be an addict for life. I don't drink or do any other kind of drug though. 

The new Batman movie. Everyone on the internet, Grace Randolph, Chris Stuckman and Jeremy Jahns said it is really good. 

I would like to see a sign that God is there and that he is helping me. A major undeniable sign. 

Be careful what you wish for.