Wednesday, November 1, 2023

November 2023


Wednesday, November 1, 2023

Today I got a Google card for $15. Then on Hustle Castle I got a prize which leads to a cascade of a lot of other prizes and as well, a 30 day premium pass which allows players to play in luxury with increased prizes.
I went for a walk. 

I hope Israel and the Middle East doesn't have a World War 3 like in Revelation.
The eschatological book known as Revelation talked about large machines that look like scorpions or locusts with wings. These could be helicopters. 
Revelation also said there would be an antichrist but that also, the actual Christ would return again. The appearance of the antichrist precedes the Christ returning.
Who is the antichrist? Some people said it was Ahmadinejad of Iran although he's no longer in power now. Bill Maher said he belonged to a cult which believed that a mega death which is more than a hundred thousand deaths in one day would be the minimum amount needed to generate a rippling wave of Satanic energy enough to summon a person or a demon called the Mahdi.
In the movie Dune, Paul Atreides was referred to as the Kwisatz Haderaxh which is a Jewish name and also Muad Dib and also Lisan Al Ghaib which are Muslim names.
The movie Dune talks about a Messiah that will unite two warring tribes. 
In real life Christians believe that the Messiah arrived and will arrive again. Jewish and probably Muslim people too believe that the Messiah will appear for the first time in the future. In either case a Messiah figure supposedly will appear in the future who would unite Jewish people and Palestinian people. The Messiah will be like the new Abraham. With the old Abraham, his two sons split and formed two separate tribes. With the new Abraham, these two disparate tribes born of two sons will unite to be one tribe. Or maybe not. The Messiah is a recurring trope with a lot of religions. Buddhism believes the Buddha will reincarnate and return again in 3,000 years under the name Maitreya.
If there is a Messiah, now would be a good time for him to show up and get Israel and Palestine to stop fighting. 
This isn't exactly right. The Al Mahdi is actually seen as some kind of saviour warrior who would usher in a new era of justice. Not a demon. 

I do believe in God. I used to have doubts in faith but I thought about it. Lots of people have lots of stories about coincidences, strange vivid dreams, near death experiences, death bed visions. Also quantum physicists have said that the more they study science, the more they delve down the rabbithole of quantum physics, that there are too many strange things that tell them that there must be a God. 


Thursday, November 2, 2023

I'd like to find another better girlfriend. But I've been like this with just about all the girlfriends I ever had in the past. "This one's all right but I want to find a better one."
I wonder what my mother would think about that. 
She would probably say, "You objectify women too much and you worry about women too much. Stop objectifying and stop worrying."
I don't know if I'll ever find another girlfriend in this town. I might have to move to another town. 

I learned a few mind blowing things about science. 
The James Webb Space Telescope discovered galaxies at the furthest most outreaches of the Universe that are more developed than previously thought. This means two things. That the Universe is much larger than the previously supposed 93 billion LY. And the Big Bang happened earlier than previously supposed. 

Billy Carson, a Black scientist said that the sunlight that hits the Earth everyday is about 100,000 years old. Sunlight originates as a photon discharged from the nuclear explosion process in the center of the sun and then leaves outward but it meanders around the sun firdt, taking about 100,000 years to do it. 
Billy Carson said that water and vegetation has been discovered on Mars and Mars has a lot of blue and green patches meaning water and atmosphere and vegetation. He also said that as long as a person is less than ten feet above sea level, a person can survive on Mars. These claims are incredible yet fascinating. 

I also learned that the word Allah has the word El, El lah. El is the name of God. The word alien is derived from that El ien. And the word Royal is derived from Ra El. Ra meaning sun and El meaning God. 
And Assalam aleichem is similar to the Jewish Shalom aleichem. 
Jewish and Muslim and Semitic people derived from the name Shem, one of Noah's sons. 

Today I went to the Catholic Church to make a small donation. I've been taught that making a small donation to any religion will bring you luck. A person can donate to a Protestant or Catholic Church, a synagogue, a Buddhist Temple, a Hindu ashram or a Sikh gurudwara. It doesn't have to be a large donation. This will bring you good luck. It's not superstition. It's a fact. 
At the end of the day, the Priest says a prayer for everyone who made a donation that day. This could be you. 

Then I walked to Craigdarroch Castle. There are people in my hotel who never go anywhere except the grocery stores. They don't go to movies or to the beach or to Craigdarroch Castle, or to the museum, or to Sidney BC, nor to Church either. It helps to go to different places. Going to different places keeps the mind and body active. 

One day I'll travel to England but I don't know when. If I go to London, I was advised on Wolters World Do's and Don'ts of London, to not try to do too much in one day. London is a large sprawling city. 
In London I have to visit Buckingham Palace. That would be my ahhh moment. Then I want to visit the Sherlock Holmes museum. Would the Persian slippers where Sherlock Holmes stashed his pouch of tobacco still there? Would the chemistry set with the hypodermic syringes be there? 
Then the British Musuem which is free. 
I don't know if I'll ever visit London. It takes money and courage and energy too. 
If I ever get lots of money, I'll travel to Europe. That's a promise. 
I have to travel to London. Then I want to travel to Thailand. And I was thinking of traveling to Poland too. I always wanted to visit the rarefied beautiful seaport town of Gdansk. Warsaw is the real hardcore Poland and Krakow is the historical center with lots of old buildings. I don't know how good my grasp of Polish is. 
With traveling, one is always afraid of making an unintentional mistake or faux pas or say or do something embarrassing. The best way to prevent this is to not travel at all. 


Friday, November 3, 2023

Today I relapsed completely. I went to a cannabis dispensary and got 2 grams of Lebanese hash for $34  and also 3 half gram joints for $15. All plus tax euqallong $56. The half gram joints are rated to have a high THC count and are from a First Nations legal grow op.
The hash from Lebanon is $10 more than the Afghan hash. On the picture on the website, the Lebanese hash had a slight green colour which the Afghan hash did not. 
You get what you pay for. The Lebanon hash is of a better quality. 
This was quite a hit to my budget. Unless I can grow an Elon Musk style bank account, the pecuniary aspect of items at stores that present themselves will always be an existential challenge to me. 

I feel a bit high right now yet I have to courage to write this. Most times when I get high, I get too scared to write. I don't know the true extent of my writing fame although Royalty knows. Two days ago, I had a good smoke from a cannabis vape and got so high that I was too scared to Google flavors for lassi. It seemed too trippy for me. I played Hustle Castle and American Dad Apocalypse Soon and calmed down. Those apps are my psychic safe zones. Flavours for lassi isn't rocket science. Lassi, bubble tea, whatever. 
One can use different fruits like strawberries, blueberries, bananas, orange, grapefruit, kiwi, etc One can also use concentrated fruit juice. Get some Kool Aid and mix with a bit of water. It should have a strong syrup composition. Add that to the lassi. 
I need to make my own lassi. I'll need a blender. Then some yogurt and water, 3 parts yogurt, 1 part water. Optimally plain yogurt should be used but any flavour yogurt can be used. Then some flavouring and 3 heaping table spoons of sugar and half a level teaspoon of salt for that je ne sais quois. Also melt some butter on a frying pan over simmer and and sugar and mix, that's caramel and can be added to the lassi. 
Mix all that in a blender. 
That's the recipe. London Drugs has blenders for $40, Walmart has blenders for $30. Plus tax. 
I was hoping to find a blender at a Thrift Store but guess what? I got lazy and forgot to go. I'm hoping to get a blender for between $10 and $20. 
Alcohol can be added to lassi. Add some whiskey and use coffee and vanilla flavoring and you have a Christmas Bailey's or Carolans at a fraction of the cost. 

Last night I watched some YouTube videos about hashish production in different countries. One video is pretty much like the rest and the trope is fascinating but repetitive. 
Interviewer meets a farmer. Farmer harvests crops. Farmer threshes plants and prepares his product from the crop. Crop has quite a few noticeably increasing tiers of price per pound depending on the country it is exported to and distances involved. 

I don't smoke hash very often. I don't know why I decided to. I must be going crazy. 
I do worry about my psychological health and wonder how exactly psychologically healthy I am. I don't think I'm 100% psychologically healthy. 

I have anxiety about the future even though the future will never appear, only the present moment as the future is the present moment in disguise. 
What about the gradual changes like losing my teeth on an ongoing basis, one after the other and also the final descent even if its decades away. The final descent into physical oblivion. It's inevitable and coming down the pike for all humans even if its a lot of decades away. 

On Saturday, October 28, I had a dream. 
I was going through a Chinese restaurant. I ordered a jeur cherng funn which is a kind of white flat noodle dim sum. This food item I ordered came in a small rectangular white Tupperware box with lid. White, colour of royalty. 
Later on in the same dream, at one point, I left the restaurant and forgot my order in the restaurant. I went back to the restaurant. I was going to order another one and was sure I had enough money. But the Chinese restaurant manager wearing a Grey-purple shirt with vertical black stripes one inch wide was standing in a doorway that was a half circle on top and he had a huge stack of cash and was peeling off bills and handing it to me so I could pay for that order again. 





Then I walked down a narrow hallway, walls painted dark purple. 
Then to the right, there was a rectangle about 3 and a half feet wide and two and a half feet tall. The rectangle stood between the height of me midway between the shoulder and pelvis and about half a foot above my head. This rectangle opened to a brightly lit room lit with yellow light or rather, lit with white light reflecting off walls painted yellow. Parallel to the bottom of the rectangle on the other side was the top of a shelf. Standing at the shelf, on the left was Maria and to the right was a man who had a beard. He seemed to be a spirit guide. I don't know if that lady I saw was Maria but she had her physical characteristics. Thin and with curly black hair. She was wearing a white tank top. She and me put our shoulders on the top of the shelf and we held hands tenderly. My right hand holding her left hand and my left hand holding her right hand. 
I felt reassured. 
The archetypal value of that architecture showed exactly that it was a common meeting area in dreams between the living and the dead. Me on one side of the wall and Maria on the other side of the wall and a spirit guide perhaps to either prevent Maria from pulling me in or else me from trying to climb in somehow. 
End of dream. 

I smoked some of the hash. A predictable earthy flavor suggestive of cinnamon. A heavy body stone which is nice. 

I often think of doing cartoons again. No one watches my cartoons. Although on a few cartoons, I have more than 1,000 views. Not bad. 
I need to get a tablet just for cartooning and nothing else. It would need to be a large storage tablet. 
I need a vision and an idea for a story. In the past I often used other stories from different writers. 
I wonder about the authenticity of the idea of having a muse. A muse is a woman who would inspire me to create art. The wrong woman would do the opposite and stifle what creativity I have. The wrong woman brings blocked energy. However if one needs a muse and couldn't be inspired without a muse, how authentic is that creativity? I've done cartoons for years without a muse. 
Money is another inspiration for doing artwork. Money allows an artist to live in a better place with less noises and distractions. That's purely temperamental as noise is simply not an issue for a lot of people. 
Mainly I need a good idea for a story and a good vision. I need to be inspired somehow. I don't feel much inspired these days. I do believe that God has the power to bring me inspiration if it is His will for me to do cartoons again. 



Sunday, November 5, 2023


Yesterday, I hung out with Heather. We went to Chinatown. 
I was happy to be with Heather. She is a very sweet and very mellow lady. 

I am working on a cartoon. I have gotten over my anxiety enough to do cartoons again. I doubt anyone would watch my cartoon. It's low tech. Not with photorealistic composited imagery such as with PS5 video games. That's better animation. 
I have quite a bit of work to do. The cartoon is about half completed. 
I started the cartoon on Friday night after smoking some hash and then getting paranoid. But it was that excited kind of paranoid and drawing a cartoon of an idea that has been on my mind for a few weeks. 
I still have to do the titles within the cartoon, and sound effects. 
I used to release the cartoon in installments just in case I died and at least the latest of what I have been working on is uploaded. That was insane. The normal way is to release a project only when it is fully completed. 

Let's face it. I still fear the future. I fear growing old. I don't want to grow old. I'm surprised I lasted this long. When I was in my 20s, I thought two things about people older than 50: 1. That's very old. 2. I don't know if I'll make it to that age and I'd be surprised if I do. 
The future is the present moment in disguise. One only ever has to face the present moment. Etc. 
When a person is over 70, it's any year now. Over 80, it's any month now. Over 90 it's any week now. Over 100, it's any day now. Being old, one is neither alive nor dead. 
Old age and death, its like life saves the worst for last. 
Life is a raw deal. Existence is a raw deal. 

"I don't fear death because where I am, death is not and where death is, I am not." Epicurious 

This morning, a pigeon was in the hallway. At one point it even flew into the area of the hall where my room is! Bird in the house is a death omen. In the hallway, I found a large wooden board which I held over my head as I went into my room so the pigeon wouldn't make droppings on me or even fly into my face. 


Monday, November 6, 2023


Bees do a dance that tells other bees where flowers are. But sometimes another bee will block and stop the dance. That's because that other bee has been to where the bee is dancing and noticed threats like spiders or birds etc. meaning, "That place where your dance is alluding to is dangerous. Don't go there." That kind of intelligence in animals is proof of God. That's God given intelligence. 
I included this in my latest cartoon about bees but you have to be sharp to notice that. 


A scene from my latest cartoon. 

This morning I went to McDonald's. As I was walking out the door, a panhandler accosted me. I was annoyed. I never ask for money but the forces of life return that with presenting me with someone who asks me for money! I was slightly annoyed. 
But upon reflection, I often see signs that remind me of my cartoons and thus tell me that I'm on the right track. 
The guy asking me for change, it seemed as if he were waiting for me. But that incident later reminded me of the bee that blocks the other bee during a dance. I was blocked momentarily. 
That's random data cluster phenomenon or seeing meaning in a series of unconnected unimportant events. It's a cognitive bias, like apophenia. 

The bee has a large tongue which it tucks under its mouth and it works like and is very similarly structured to that of an elephant's trunk or snuffelupagus. 


Tuesday, November 7, 2023

I went to the dentist and got my dentures. I paid less than I thought I would. 
Then I went and scored some hash at a dispensary. I got some Afghani hash for $25 for 2 grams. Pigeon park prices. 

I smoked some hash in a 'jail joint' which is hashish mixed with tobacco. It was a thin spliff, a pinner. Then I smoked some hash in my MacGyvered pot pipe made from a large thick used toilet paper roll. In the pipe, I put some weed in the bottom, then some hash on top of that and then more weed on top of that. 
"Hash in the middle, I'm so high."

I feel some fear now as I write this. It's the hash talking. I feel panic about the future that at some point I might fuck up majorly and lose control. 
God has taken care of me in the past. He will take care of me in the future. I will be a vessel of God's guidance. I seek God's guidance daily and thank Him for helping me find a way when I don't see a way. 

I felt nervous this morning before going to the dentist. I said as much out loud to myself. As it turned out, the day went smoother than I thought it would. 

I also fear about my cartoon. Originally I planned it to be of a certain length with a finite set of scenes. I thought of a couple of more scenes. 
I'm afraid if I add the then people will think I'm crazy. Making movies is anxiety. Past a certain point, I wonder if I'm crazy. 
How old film directors like George Miller of Mad Max Fury Road and Martin Scorsese at 80 years old still has the nerves of steel enough to make movies is inspiring. Riley Scott as well. All these directors are insane but in a very good way. 
Making movies is a crazy thing to do. It's similar to tightrope walking from a high height. One doesn't remember how crazy it is unless they look down. But tightrope walkers don't usually look down, it at least not often. The film director just has to block out how sheerly insane a movie is and one wants to shoot more scenes and that's when it gets crazy. When a director wants to make a lot more scenes than the movie is supposed to allow kn a certain time frame. George Lucas did that for Phantom Menace. Somewhere, there's a 12 hour Phantom Menace. But some of the scenes probably didn't even have the green screen removed probably. Scenes with additional dialogue or stunts. But the scenes would have added to the storyline. 

My cartoon is about a bee that flies from the flower back to the bee hive. 
Hollywood has about 33 storylines that are used over and over. The story line of my cartoon is moving from point A to point bee, I mean B. 
There is a science fiction scene I added from some feverish hash inspired vision I had two days ago. Not so much vision as a day dream. The scene is suggestive in not so many words of that perhaps the nectar the bee drinks from the flower is hallucinogenic. Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't. 
Grayanonectar is from the rhododendron plant and is hallucinogenic in high doses and is referred to as mad honey. It is illegal in Canada but not in the US or the UK. 
Pollen is grains of plant matter that flies in the air and fan cling to a bee. A flying bee generates the motion that creates static electricity so that the pollen grains attach to it. Nectar is what the bee drinks from the flower. 
Then back to the hive. Bee dances and dance blocks. The queen bee is there. 
Extra scenes I have difficulty with: Hatching and birth of baby bees. Bee dance unblocked showing a promising flower patch. Bee dance blocked showing flower patch with a bird eating a bee and a spider eating a bee. 
I'll do the scenes. This is to let you know what the cartoon is about. It should be less than a minute long. 
There is Royalty free music available in YouTube which I will use. Some jazz music at the closing credits. 
Otis McDonald - Church of 8 Wheels is a good song as well. 

Today someone from my Church called me on the telephone. Someone I knew somewhat well, as well as you can know a casual acquaintance for eleven years at Church, has died. 
The lady who died was a very good person. She had a very kind heart. 
This news adds to the overall fear I feel in general today. 
A local Supermarket she went to often noticed that she hadn't been there in awhile. A security and wellness check was conducted and she was found dead on October 11th. 

I don't know if too many people care that I'm doing another cartoon. I had a notion that as I get older, I will develop a more experienced hand so I can do better looking cartoons with less effort. 
My drawings have reached a plateau. 
My art has never and probay will never schieve photo realism unlike Robert Bateman and Bob Ross the painter. Bob Ross had a technique. Festering, sfumato, cross hatching, etc but with a few seemingly careless and effortless quick strokes of a paintbrush, he achieved photo realism. 
Lots of artists can do that especially if they were taught at art school. 
Robert Bateman painted with such skill that you can see the individual hairs on the animals he painted and all of it looking very photo realistic as well. 

Sometimes I get a slight panic attack over the smallest detail. I briefly mulled over whether I should level up this character or that character on Hustle Castle. That's what did it. 

A few days ago, I learned about what Higgs Boston is somewhat about. 
Classical physics said that things have mass because of atoms that are clumped together. Atomic mass. 
New physics says that things have mass because of the resistance to fields. There are a few different types of fields in the Universe, the electron field, the gluon field and the boson field. 
A field is a rippling net that forms a wave that oscillates at a certain frequency. This wave exists throughout the Universe. Particles caught in the splices of the net become a wave. 
In the electron field, the net has splices the size of electrons and thus trap electrons forming resistance which gives it mass. Different types of electrons give different rates of resistance. Neil de Grasse Tyson said it is like a party of crowded people. A nobody walking from one end of the room to the other to the bar would have little resistance. A celebrity would have a lot of resistance as people crowd around them and want to talk to them. 
It isn't that a particle's mass that determines its resistance in the field, it is resistance in the field that determines a particle's mass. 
In 2007, a particle accelerator discovered the Higgs Boson particle. I'm not exactly clear on the mechanics behind that. The Higgs Bison is a unique and rare or else previously difficult to contain particle that responds to the boson field. 


Wednesday, November 8, 2023

Last night I dreamed that I was in a circular dim room. There were at least two entrances and exits to the room. I was facing three people, spirits, whatever. I said, "I didn't get laid very much. Just under 20 times. I don't know if I should bother with life and going on living." The three spirits just stared at me and said nothing. 

I got laid more than 20 times in real life. I got laid less than 20 times that I can remember. I often go years without getting laid then there are two or three month pockets where I am getting laid as often as twice a day and at least once a day. 
"I've done it before and I'll do it again." Sick Boy, Trainspotting 2 

This more I went to the bakery and got a couple of treats for breakfast. I'm planning to stay home all day and work on my cartoon. 

These last two months I noticed if I sit too long in one position, that is sitting straight up, I get a pain on my tailbone. Sitting on my bed too causes that. I need to get memory foam or one of those mattresses NASA uses for astronauts. 
In Judaism, the tailbone is called the Luz. In Islam it is referred to as the Ajb al Zanab. 
It is believed that the tailbone is the seed in which the rest of the body will be sprung from during the time of the final resurrection. This is why those traditions oppose cremation as the tailbone needs to be intact as the seed of resurrection and revivication. 
Seeds last a long time. An intact seed it was thought could last 120 years if stored correctly. Scientists found seeds in glaciers nearly a thousand years old and most of these seeds germinated. 
As for tailbones, they are still finding the tailbone of dinosaurs, all 100 tailbones that a dinosaur could have. 
I wonder if the tailbone thing is a normal posture related injury, not injury, just a mild pain. Could it be from doing yoga everyday making me sit differently in general? I noticed this not just on my bed but in movie theatres and other seats too. Or is this an age related medical issue? All I have to do is shift my sitting position and this is resolved. 
Doctor it hurts whenever I do this. Then stop doing that. 


Friday, November 10, 2023

Two days ago I went to Pagliaccis for a seafood pasta with salad. It came to nearly $40 with tips. That's pricey. 

Yesterday I stayed home all day to save money to comoensate for the pricey lunch. Amount of money spent yesterday: $0. 

Remember the Polar Express? Well I've been on the hashish cigarette express. Hashish mixed with tobacco is a Middle Eastern treat. 
The good news is that the hashish cigarettes is a catalyst for inspiration for my latest cartoon animation. 
I don't know why I bother with the animation. View count: low. Comments: Very few and I have gotten snarky comments. Money earned: $0. 

Maybe the animation could inspire others to get into art and animation rather than into a sordid lifestyle involving hard drug use. 

My animation style has the look of painted mylar cells which is the primitive style of animation. Today it's programs like Blender thst use 3D photo realistic compositing. That's modern animation. 

I feel a despair that I might not ever get married. I think that life has forsaken me. Me and millions of others. I have. Gotten things I never thought I'd ever get like a double blade lightsaber so there's still hope I could get married. As much as I love Heather, I don't want to marry her. I hope to meet ankther lady. Every year or every few years, I always meet a few new people. One day I might meet my future wife that is if I haven't already met her. 
I hope that God can help me if this is His will to help me. 


Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Today is King Charles III's birthday. 

Yesterday, I went to the mall to get a California roll sushi. Yesterday, I got a $15 Google card so I could get a reindeer with a glowing red nose available for only a limited time on Hustle Castle. Yesterday, I got a Presidents Choice beef and broccoli frozen dinner for $6.

The last few days, I was working on my cartoon, The Bee which I released early this morning. 

If I wasn't on YouTube I could accept that my life is going nowhere. Being on YouTube, it's a let down if one doesn't become rich and famous. 
Lots of people aren't famous on YouTube. I know of restaurant owners whose restaurants are very famous. They put a few videos on YouTube and those vieeos don't have that many views. 
If it was that easy to make money in YiuTube, everyone would quit their jobs. Even people who are computer tech and people who own computer stores haven't quit their jobs to upload videos to YouTube for the financial advantage of doing so. Because mostly there isn't any. 
I the old days you had to get famous so you could meet a lot of people. These days you have to meet a lot of people before you get famous. 
I watched so many excellent videos on YouTube that I can contribute with my meager talent. Even if my cartoons inspire one person to get into art and animation rather than a dissolute sordid salacious lifestyle of hard living and substance abuse then that would be most exemplary. 

Today I went and got milk and sugar for tea. I also got a Korean beef rice bowl frozen dinner for $7. I also went to the cannabis sjok and got 2 grams of Lebanese hash. One store sells it for $48, another store sells the exact same product for $37. Pricey either way. 
For some reason I really like smoking hash although it is pricey. I'll have to wait a week and a half before I can get more. 
Afghan hash - $25
Lebanese hash - 37 
The Afghan hash is good. It's the old 80s and early 90s hash that you could have gotten at Pigeon Park if you were around then. Good hash. Good counts. 1 gram $15, 2 grams $25, 5 grams $50. 5 grams was a massive smoke enough to last a few days and thats with frequent smoking. 
I have an induction cook top. I put nutter knives on the element but it doesn't seem to be working. I was thinking of hot knifing some hash. I've been waiting for hours for the knives to heat up. 
... Just joking. Induction cooktop only work on induction cookware which is magnetic. Normal stainless steel butter knives aren't magnetic. 

My cartoon animation is a hobby. Anyone who can doodle on a telephone book can do cartoon animation if they put their mind to it. For me it is a hobby. 
Things that a person does like making cartoons or YouTube videos has an energy field and that will bring money to the creator of them. Maybe or maybe not. 
My cartoon hobby is my way of contributing to an entity, namely YouTube that has provided me with so many excellent hours of entertainment for free. If someone sees my cartoon and enjoys it, that will be great. 

Have I mentioned anxiety lately? It's because my anxiety is gone. My anxiety was related to me working for Heather cleaning her apartment. I was under the delusional pressure that if I didn't clean up her apartment for her for more than four days in a row then she would be dead. I finally let go and haven't been working for her at all for a few months. 
This has taken away my anxiety. 
Previously I feared that the pandemic would be forever, that I'd be working for Heather week in week out without even a one week annual holiday for the next ten, twenty years with no end in sight, I feared growing old and the future. 
Now, the pandemic is over. The work is over. Yet the fear of old age and fear of the future are fears that will never go away. 

There are about 36 plotlines used in Hollywood movies. Wikioedia: The 36 Dramatic Situations. These plotline are very specific about murder, bank theists, acquisition of something, jealous relatives, revenge etc. 
More basic plotlines are point A to point B, love triangle, acquisition as demonstrated in Lord of the Rings. 
My cartoon, The Bee is about point A to point B. I wonder how many people watched long enough to see the post credit scene. The credits in my cartoon is about no more than 7 seconds so that's not long to wait to see post credit scenes. Movies in theatres have typically 7 minute credits which is standard and that's a long time to wait to see any post credit scenes. For some weird reason, I stayed around long enough to see the post credit scene of Uncharted. 

An idea floating loosely in my mind for a cartoon would be an elf from Santa Claus' North Pole goes on a mission to find a lost present that Santa dropped from his sleigh. The item is at the bottom of a mountain cave. The elf treks through forests and over mountaintops. Then he goes spelunking in a cave and finds the present. The story would have to involve magic or psychic powers or a dream or else how would the elf know where the lost present is? Could the present have a built in GPS? 
The present should be wrapped with yellow wrapping paper and tied with a red bow. What would the present be? It can remain unopened and stay a mystery forever. 
This plot is too simple for professional television. Usually professional television plots are very intricate and evolved and with multiple layers. 

My cartoons are incorporating some of elements of the crystal meth graffiti artists. These elements include using thick and not thin outlines. Also using texture. Also noting light gradations at the lighty top of the object and the shadowy bottom of the object using lighter and darker shades of the main colour of the object being illustrated. And using a white whine line that should be thick and drawn toward the top of the object. 
My old cartoon ideal was the OP Ocean Pacific look using triangles and checkers and pastel colours. Then it was the druggy hippy trippy Heavy Metal magazine influence which is to draw as many details as possible. The more details, the more optimally trippy and psychedelic is the look achieved. One can draw like a hippy without using drugs if one takes note of some of the reoccurring structural elements within the artwork. 
Drawing cartoons with thick outlines has always been the essence of good cartoon illustrations. I don't know why I didn't use that more over the years. 
I once did cartoon acid in the early 90s. I was walking near Jericho Beach and as I looked, all things around me had a thick black outline. 
Acid is a dangerous drug and I would strongly advise against using it. 
I'd like my cartoons to earn me enough money to acquire and maintain a red 1988 325i 4 door and ideally with standard transmission. Or else a 1982 white 4 door BMW 635i. 

I was wondering if some of you could pray for me that I could meet a really great lady and that I could get married one day. I am going to go and ask a Priest who every time I asked him to pray for me, the prayer happened. It's at the point where I'm superstitious about this Priest. I will ask for a prayer so I could get married if it's within God's will. It might or might not be. God has a plan for everyone. Sometimes that plan involves not getting married. 

Did Jesus get married or not? It depends on whether or not you believe The DaVinci Code. 

There are millions of single women. They've been single for years. It's not just men who are single for years. 


Wednesday, November 15, 2023

Today I walked and walked. I first went to the morning soup line. They ran out of soup. Then I went to the pawn store to see if they had Citizen Kane on DVD. I must have more money than brains. All movies are available for free and in HD on 7soup2day.com. 
Then I went to a Cannabis Shop to get a membership. The strain I was looking for wasn't there but there were other strains. 
I was looking for the strain that looks like Snow White and White Rhino. Light green with lots of white THC crystals. 
Then I went to the Chinese supermarket. I got a beef medley which is beef fried in the Korean ketchupy gojuchang sauce, then I get Singapore fried noodles and har gow or some shrimp dumplings dim sum. 
I went to Wendy's and got a double cheese. 
Then I went to Dollarama to get a can opener because I broke my all plastic can opener last night when opening a can of evaporated milk. Today I got a red Betty Crocker all metallic one. 

Back in my one room apartment again. Apartment is a lower class euphemism. It's basically a crash pad in a rooming house.

----------------------------

I'm probably going to do the cartoon about the elf looking for the lost present. It needs a script. This would be a preliminary script:

North Pole. Santa's house. Santa and Mrs Claus are there. Nicholas is a Christmas elf who arrives after being summoned to talk with Santa. 

Santa: Nicholas, during my run, I dropped a present in a cave. I have a map. Here is approximately where I dropped the present. I'll need you to look for it. 

Nicholas: I can do this. 

Santa: I remember when I got my first Christmas present. 

After changing into clothes suitable for a forest trek, Nicholas walked through forests. He saw a growling polar bear. He climbed up a cliff that overlooked cabins with the lights on at night. 
Nicholas finally got to the top of the cave. He used an elven rope to spelunking down the cave. At the bottom of the cave, under a pile of freshly fallen snow, he found the present which was bound in festive yellow wrapping paper and tied with a red ribbon bow. 

Nicholas brought the present back to Santa's house. 

Santa: Open it. Nicholas, this present is........ 

The rest is a surprise. I thought of some kind of twist ending. 


---------------------------------------------------

Last night, while PM Trudeau was in Vancouver, he was disturbed by protestors first at Vij's restaurant on Cambie and then at the Bagheera cocktail bar on Main and Keefer in Chinatown. 
PM Trudeau is one of if not the best Canadian PM in history in my opinion. I would think that just about all Canadians would think that. It seems not. 
PM Justin Trudeau is the PM who legalized cannabis. You would think that protestors would remember that. 
Legalizing cannabis makes PM Justin Trudeau the best Canadian PM there ever was and ever will be. 
The issue of protest is the duress of Palestinians in Gaza. PM Justin Trudeau is relatively low on the international pecking order. President Biden PM Rishi Sunak would be more major players with more oomph but they don't get a lot of protesters against them compared to PM Trudeau who has had to endure a lot of heckling. And he has done so with a dignity that speaks of his high power in the land. 
Canada is more or less the same as Australia and New Zealand when it comes to clout on the World's stage. See, Canada, Aus and NZ are colonies whereas the US and the UK are colonializers. 
I don't know how much PM Trudeau can do. PM Trudeau made a speech at a lithium ion battery plant asking for 'maximum restraint'. Netanyahu replied with the words, Israel provides humanitarian corridors but Hamas is blocking these corridors. 
"Maximum effort." Deadpool
As far as heckling goes, when King Charles had eggs pelted at him during a ceremony, the King smiled and did not miss a beat. That's because he knows full well what will happen to the person who threw the eggs. In the next few weeks, a person, undercover cop, plainclothes agent, will move into the neighborhood very near to the egg pelter. This person will scare, put the fear of God into the egg pelter. But also tell a story of how "A man falls off a horse but the horse still stands beside him. Do you understand what that means? It means even if you make mistakes the government is still willing to look after you."
That is one level for ordinary mistakes. The egg pelter would face a whole new other level of fear. 
Nobody should protest the head of state. Leave him alone. He doesn't disturb you at your dinner, why disturb him at his dinner? 
These protesters are professional paid protestors. Their pay masters are the same people who are the handlers of politicians in the Conservative Party, lobbyists or some financially powerful domestic populist special interest group. As a head of state, you have to deal with all kinds of mysterious levels in society. A head of state would anticipate that. 

Years ago, when PM Stephen Harper was in power, Justin Trudeau was the BMOC big man on campus, he was the darling of the Internet. He was supposed to be the next favored politician who would be a relief to PM Harper's more austere policies. Now PM Trudeau is ranking low in the polls and the internet is saturated with lots of angry comments about PM Trudeau. 
The cycle is repeating. Pierre Poilievre is seen on the Internet as the next favored politician who is seems as a stalwart to PM Trudeau's more austere policies. When Poilievre is elected as PM, antifa will pretty much immediately make angry comments about him on the Internet within 3 months of attaining political office. 
George Orwell's Animal Farm talks about this inevitable and unfortunate type of cycle in politics. 
Canadian PMs last on average about ten years. Trudeau's ten years will be up in 2025. 

The afterlife is an escape from this life. This life is an escape from the afterlife. All escapes eventually become traps. Therefore the entirety of the life afterlife matrix is a trap. There is no escape. 
The word trap implies that somewhere there is an escape. Temporary trap implies a temporary escape some place or some time later. Permanent trap implies a permanent escape elsewhere. 


Saturday, November 18, 2023

Yesterday I went to the Dutch Bakery to get a beef pie and an eclair. 

I stayed home and worked on my cartoon. I thought of the future. Growing old, senesence, decrepitude, doesn't seem too promising. 

Today, my sweetness visited me. Heather visited me and she brought a meal from Burder King. She is one of the sweetest creatures in the entire Universe. I wonder why I was so afraid of working for her before. I do yoga every day and have for the last 5 months. You dont really notice a big difference until 1 or 2 years. Yoga has some Pilates like exercises which strneghtens the core. A strong core is what gives a person a physically sturdy look. My yoga is amateur. I wonder if I'm doing it right or if I'm missing any really helpful poses that I don't know about yet. 

Rogers Sugar is on strike. Store shelves are empty of sugar. I managed to get a bag two days ago. 
There are many types of sugar. Fructose is from fruit. Maltose is from the malt grain. And dextrose is from sugar canes. This is the type that Rogers Sugar Produces. 
Honey is an alternative source of sugar. 
Sugar is a drug. But it is a very crucial drug. It is not an option. 
Anne Rice said in Interview with the Vampire of the days when Lestat was at a sugar plantation near New Orleans. Paraphrased, "Sugar is like a vampire. It is death. Too much sugar and one gets diabetes and dies. Too little sugar and one gets extreme hypoglycemia and dies." 
Paul Blart Mall Cop needed his regular sugar fix and he used a glucose monitor. 
The Provincial government should implement an injunction to get the employees of Rogers Sugar back to work for overall Provincial health security. Or else sugar would have to outsourced from America with sugar bought on Amazon Prime. 
The issue at stake is that Rogers sugar requires the unionized employees to work 12 hour shifts which makes me wonder what they otherwise might have required from non unionized wokers, 24 hour shifts where one is punching out while simultaneously punching in? 
Even 12 hour shifts sounds like the worst excesses of the Dickensian work house, the dark Satanic mills, smokestacks belching black smoke giving London the nickname The Big Smoke. 
12 hour shifts can result in karoshi which is Japanese for death from overwork. Or burnout. 
Maybe Rogers Sugar could offer their employees something to sweeten the deal. 
Honey is an alternative for sugar. John the Baptist lived on locusts and honey. 
Walmart doesn't stock Rogers Sugar. Walmart stocks Red Path sugar which is from Toronto Ontario. 

Rogers Sugar in Vancouver does look like a Victorian Dickensian work house though. 


Nutra Sweet is made with saccharin. Stevia is made from a leaf. 
Look, the point is, you need sugar for these vital yet simple recipes:
Ice cream - milk, sugar and eggs
Shortbread - butter, sugar and cornstarch
Frosting - butter and sugar 
Caramel, Fudge - cooked butter and sugar 


Sunday, November 19, 2023

Today, I went to the Presbyterian Church. I needed to reunite with my Scottish friends. Glenn Fault is Scotland is a straight line that slices through Scotland in a continental drift that happened 450 million years ago. Loch Ness is on the river that runs through Glenn Fault. It is a non active fault line like in California.
On the Western side of Glenn Fault is the Isle of Skye. 
I was worried about some of the people there but when I went and talked with them, things went smoother and easier than I thought possible. That happened on the morning before I got my dentures. Major nervous spasms within my brain. But when the day was over it went smoother and easier than I thought possible. This has happened for me a lot lately. Smooth easy going days. I must be doing something right or else not doing anything wrong. 

I don't know if I'll ever get it on again or if I care. However long the absence has been since I last got it on, the next time it will seem like the last time was yesterday as the act can be geometrically reduced to, here it is again. The same thing over and over again, this is the peg, that is the hole. Put the peg in the hole. Repetitive and elementary. 
And then when I get it on, is there an evening of celebration or an evening of worry and getting the Old Testament guilt again. Oh no, I've sinned again. I did something intense again. This isn't the level of intensity that I'm used to on most other days. And then worries of, is she going to be stalking me all the time and asking for money or worries of, will I find out in two weeks that I'm on the hook for child support?

Right now, I'm working on a cartoon that no one knows about or cares about. I wonder what the extent of my fame is? Now it's no big deal to do an animated cartoon and upload it to YouTube for public viewing. In the old days to do animated cartoons and have it available for public viewing you needed connections to an animation studio apparatus and also studio distribution outlet connections. 
I'm trying to improve my cartoons. I'm making sure to draw thick outlines all the time. 

I fear the future and I fear death. Perhaps, and I'm using delicate terms, the physical pain of death will be like when one has to go to the washroom and expel extrusions out of the body after a stomach upset. Right at the point its leaving the body its the most painful but in that same second that also when the pain goes away. The most excruciating last bit of the pain is over just as soon as it begins. 
The what happens in the afterlife? My expecting a carnival fun house of mirrors, Hieronymous Bosch batshit crazy surreal abstract wonderland of social absurdities like hearing a herd of screaming zombies, running into the hall and seeing one lady zombie, retreating back to where you were with my spirit guide and then seeing the zombie again. Somehow we have guns so I ask the spirit guide to shoot at the lady zombie wearing a dark olive green tank top. Pointing in this case to the right and saying, "Shoot there!" 
The afterlife could be that crazy. 

I'm crazy. I wish I were 100% perfect and 100% sane. Then I'd be the perfect Christian and Jedi Knight and Tron future warrior too. 
I wish I had gymnastics training but no amount of training will make most people as good a gymnast as Simone Biles. She should be hired in a Star Wars movie as a Jedi Grand Master. That would be major. 
If I had gymnastics training, I could be as good as Tron. Or else as good as Sam Flynn. 

I worried a lot about things that never happened. Not having all the facts doesn't prevent the brain from painting a picture. I still worry about the future. I think I'm crazy and don't know if I have what it takes or have the strength or sanity to handle the next 20 - 30 years and then what? The abyss. 

I often think I'm too wrong for life or else life is too wrong for me. 
Life is too overwhelming to me. 


Monday, November 20, 2023

A Swiftie died at a Taylor Swift concert in Brazil due to heat stroke because the stadium is so hot. 
Ecstacy may or may not have something to do with it as E is very popular at raves and rock concerts. Martin Lawrence's character took ecstacy in the movie Bad Boys 2. The recommendation was to keep cool as hot temperatures are not good for an ecstacy trip. 
Usually people on ecstacy don't die at rock concerts. Rock concerts in North America are civilized and have air conditioning and bottled water. 
The stadium in Brazil didn't allow bottled water to be brought into the event. That's because bottled water has been known to be thrown at performers. That unfortunate trend has led to this policy at the stadium in Brazil. Chain of events. 
Speed kills. 
A person can bring a cellphone in and possibly record the concert for a possible bootleg album but they can't bring in a bottle of water. In the old days it was you couldn't bring in the audio recorder but you could bring in a bottle of water. 

I'm thinking of seeing the IMAX James Webb telescope movie. 
The moons of Uranus have the names of characters from Shakespeare's The Tempest, Ariel, Puck, Miranda, Titiana, etc

Israel. Still fighting. IDF Forces raid Al Shifa Hospital in Palestine. 
Israel, how could you let yourself go like that? 
Israel would say that it's Hamas. Again, playing the game of passing the buck. Or passing the shekel. 
The land of Israel is very spiritual. I promise right here and now, if I ever get a million dollars for my writings and for my cartoon animation, I will go and visit Israel, more specifically Jerusalem and Bethlehem. 


Today I went to see the JWST movie at IMAX. Galaxies come j all shapes and sizes. Some look really bizarre. The James Webb Space Telescope enhanced images that the Hubble telescope captured such as the cliffs of creation and the eagle towers nebula which are each 4 light years high. 
I've waited years to see this documentary. James Webb telescope meets IMAX equals the future has arrived. 

I went to the pharmacy and got my updated Covid and flu shot too. With so many Covid shots, I wonder what will happen to my body. Most of the time, no enemy is as deadly and as threatening as one's own body. Who knows what ghastly wretched diseases are coming down the pike, if they are. 

I went to Noodle Box and got a Thai style chow mein with chicken. The rest of the day, I worked on my cartoon, did yoga and tried to get as many prizes as I could on Hustle Castle and American Dad. These games are a real Pavlov's dog. Jump through the hoop, get the prizes. Now it's mainly just jumping through hoops. I got so many hundreds of legendary level weapons, armour, etc that getting more now is redundant. 
My Christmas cartoon about an elf on a quest. Who cares? No one knows or cares about my cartoons. 

I've been bad this week. Two days ago, I got some Afghan hash. Then yesterday, I drank some coca leaf tea with baking powder added. 
I'm using it to create. I'm making a Christmas cartoon. I hope that some people will see it and like it. 


Wednesday, November 22, 2023

Yesterday. Went to sushi store and had some of the most delicious sushi ever. It was electrifying. 
Otherwise stayed home all day and worked on my cartoon which I released on private setting in YouTube to see it on big screen on my smart TV. I composed the opening music myself and played it on a piano app. Who needs a $12,000 Hermschlicher piano when you can use a piano app on the tablet. I'm going with Org24. 
The music is somewhat influenced from the song on the app Meow Town. 

Today is a new day. I'm mulling over whether or not to see Oppenheimer in IMAX. There are mind-blowing scenes and it alternates from letter box to IMAX screen ratios. But the movie is otherwise very slow moving and ponderous. It's very dry and the movie is about mid 20th Century Cold War era history. 

I released my video on YouTube on private settings and it was only on for 15 minutes before I deleted it. Nothing is ever deleted. YouTube still has it in their vaults and deleted videos could be seen on the dark web. But the question is, who cares about my cartoon? It's not like I'm a major Hollywood animation director. Anything on the internet is simultaneously a needle in a haystack and shouting down from a high mountain. Nobody cares about my cartoon! 
So many trillions of web pages but the information on each web page would have a lot more views than it would in a world without the internet. 

The News said that today is JFK day. Today is also the anniversary of Aldous Huxley's death. 
Best JFK joke ever from YouTube:
A man dies and asks God "Who really killed JFK?" 
God says, "It was a lone gunman in a book depository."
The man says, "I didn't know that the cover up went this high up."

A delusional man could ask God if man landed on the moon, God says "Yes." and the delusional man would then say the same thing again, "I didn't know that the cover up went this high up.". 

Today I went to the bank to pay my internet bill. The set up has changed. I don't have to go to the next town to pay my monthly internet bill anymore which is what I've been doing for the past 12 years. 
Then I went to the cannabis store and got some weeds and some Afghan hashish. The hash is made recently. That's hash made in Taliban run Afghanistan. We'll as long as they make good hash. The Taliban is known for its harsh interpretation of sharia law regarding women. Strangely the Afghan currency has seen some of the highest appreciation rates. It is traded on par if not for more than America dollars! 
A product is made somewhere, food product, drug product, utility product. One doesn't ask too many questions about where its from if one wants to use the product. 






Today, I got the Amphibian Man funko pop from The Shape of Water. That one was on my mind since I saw it and I was mulling it over for over a week whether or not to get it. It was on sale for $5.
The design is outstanding and next level. However it isn't a bobble head like the Helena Shaw funko pop is. 


Thursday, November 23, 2023

Tonight I'm going to see the movie Oppenheimer. 

Tomorrow I'm going to a memory of life service. 

A good poem for any memory of life service is from The Shape of Water:

"Unable to perceive the shape of you, I find you all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with your love. It humbles my heart. For you are everywhere."

I went to see the movie Oppenheimer. Very similar to Killers of the Flower Moon in that it was a 3 hour slow crawl historical documentary piece. 
The scenes that were any good totalled less than 5 minutes all strung together in total. Otherwise a lot of it was rooms that really didn't need to be seen in IMAX. IMAX is ideal and best for outdoor scenes of nature. Indoor scenes of ordinary rooms look underwhelming in IMAX. 
The movie Oppenheimer wasn't just a word salad. It was a word salad bar at a buffet. 
I should talk. 
During the movie, I fought hard half a dozen impulses to just walk out of the theatre. 


Christopher Nolan does fast paced action movies and slow paced thoughtful movies. 
Fast movies - Batman Trilogy, Man of Steel, Interstellar,, Dunkirk
Slow movies - Inception, Tenet, Oppenheimer
Fast and slow paced movies offset and define each other. 
Some things are fast and some things are slow. Fast sports are hockey, soccer, football, and basketball. Slow sports are baseball, golf, cricket. 


Friday, November 24, 2023


The Oppenheimer movie talked about U-237. I caught that. U-237 is upgraded at a uranium enrichment plant from the safer U-235 that's used at nuclear reactors to weapons grade uranium. 
Both U-235 and U-237 have 92 protons. 
U-237 has 146 neutrons. U-235 has 143 neutrons. U-235 is unstable and fissionable making it ideal for nuclear weapons. When a neutron slams into a U-235 atom, it becomes U-236 momentarily which is so unstable that it splits into 2 atoms, krypton and barium, in the process 3 more neutrons are released slamming into other U-235 atoms.* If enough uranium is present, minimum weight required would be 7 kilograms to generate critical mass in which the energy expended is greater than the energy which initiated it. 
Krypton and barium have been mentioned separately in movies. 
Krypton is Superman S's home planet. 
Barium was mentioned in the movie Look Who's Talking
"Have you ever had a barium enema?" "Not recently." Look Who's Talking 
In the movie, Edward Teller stepped up and said why not try a hydrogen bomb? Oppenheimer said, "What would detonate it?" Teller said, "Atom bombs."
An atom bomb is a core of uranium or plutonium with a concentric ring of TNT around it. A hydrogen bomb is a core of hydrogen with a concentric ring of small atom bombs around it. 
*source: How The Atomic Bomb Destroyed The Life Of Its Creator. Newsthink. YouTube
This will help you to stay ahead of the movie instead of feeling like trying to catch up with the science discussed in the movie. 
Most people only know about the primary figures of history. History taught at University gets into the secondary, tertiary, quartenary etc characters of history getting one even deeper into the rabbit hole. The movie Oppenheimer gets into secondary and tertiary characters like his wife Kitty, Emily Blunt and also Lewis Strauss, Robert Downey Jr who was the senator who tried to discredit Oppenheimer. 
When Oppenheimer was young and was at school, he was somewhat of a delinquent, prankster and practical joker. 

Another day. Going ever onward into the future. When I was young I thought the future was golden and bright and full of possibilities. Now the future seems kind of scary or fearful. People are not blind in terms of space, but are blind in terms of time. We can't see even ten seconds into the future. And even looking into the past, the image is slightly distorted at best. 

I'm tending towards not going to the memorial service. I barely knew the person who died. I don't remember any conversation between us that lasted for more than three minutes. Memorials are depressing. Do to others as you'd have them do to you. When I'm gone I don't expect anyone will go to my memorial service. I will be consigned to the dust in of history, one of those heads that fifteen minutes after their memorial service is over, no one mentions them ever again. It's like that with lots of people living in the inner city. 
When I'm gone, I'd rather people don't go to my memorial service if there is any. Go on and live your life. Don't get depressed remembering someone who died. I'd rather you be happy and going on with living your life than be tied up for two hours depressed. 
Wrong thinking: Anything worth doing is worth doing right. 
Right thinking: Anything that's too difficult isn't worth doing at all including going to memorial services. 
Memorial services are kind of ghoulish. 

I sort of made an appointment to go to a bake sale. I'm going to skip that too. I don't want to spend money which I don't have all that much of on something I'm not sure if I really want. I don't usually get baked things. The best policy in life is, when in doubt, skip it. 

I wound up not going to the memorial service. Typical. 


Saturday, November 25, 2023

"I shall meditate on God all day and all night." The Bible

Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego said, "God will deliver us from the furnace. But even if he doesn't, we will still give Him praise." 
I will pray a bold prayer and hope that God helps me to be successful and get married to a lady whom I emotionally and intellectually believe in and to get a BMW. But even if he doesn't, I will still give Him praise. 
Pastor Joyce Meyer said that if God doesn't give you something it's either because you didn't ask for the right thing, it's not the right time, or God has something better planned for you but you're not smart enough to ask for it. 
God may have something better for you and he will give that to you. It's on the schedule. 
God might say to me, "You want a wife and a BMW? I can top that." If anyone could top a person's wishes, it would be God. 
What could be better than a wife and a BMW? Two wives and two BMWs? 

Today I went to the cannabis store to get my last hash of the month. I am really on a budget and if I go broke, I'll starve and die of starvation. 
Last night I spent an hour just looking up hash hash hash on cannabis store websites. 
There's a store in Sidney BC which sells all kinds of hash, blueberry hash, sour blueberry hash, Moroccan keif, Afghani hash, Lebanese hash, but these are all very pricey. The Afghani hash has the highest THC count. But the THC counts of hash really pale in comparison to vapes. A 1 gram vape is good for up to 200 tokes. A disposable pen can be gotten for as little as $17 peach flavour. The disposable pens are 0.3 grams. Vapes really do a number. I've smoked quite a few vapes this year, fist time ever and vapes have a THC count of up to 85% while hash has a THC count of up to 44%.
Vapes contain heavy metals etc and have the risk of popcorn lung. Vapes are a better value than dabs and other concentrates and about have the same THC count. 
I'm scared of vapes. They're very potent and have these dangers and they're newfangled compared to old school pipes and rolling paper cigarettes. 
Rather than spend $5 to go to Sidney, I saved the $5 and got some Lebanese hash which was on sale at a $4 discount. 
I still have the vape pen I found this summer. So the hash would be superfluous. I use the hash to roll hashish and tobacco cigarettes. I feel like a total addict when I smoke them. 
I feel overwhelmed like I'll lose control one day and then I'll be doomed. Life is overwhelming. I don't look forward to old age. 

Then I went to get a 2l bottle of root beer and a sandwich from a restaurant. Then I went home. I'm still working on the cartoon that no one cares about. 

It is shocking that Christopher Nolan made a movie about atom bombs. But it isn't that most people would ever get any uranium for these reasons:
1. It is very rare. 
2. It is a highly controlled substance, more tightly controlled than drugs. 
3. It is very expensive. Very. 
4. It is highly illegal to possess weapons grade uranium. It carries a prison sentence of up to 150 years. 
5. It is very radioactive. Without wearing a specialized body suit, anyone handling uranium would die of some weird disease in less than 6 months. 


Tonight I saw the Christmas Parade. It surpassed expectations and ended with Santa's sleigh. Mrs Claus was there. 
I was buzzed on coca leaf tea and felt kind of edgy, kind of scared. But I hung in there. The floats were spectacular. 
For some strange reason, these last few days were very smooth. 
The Christmas parade I saw tonight was one of the best Christmas experiences I have ever had in my life. 

I am scared. Life is a trap and the final part is old age and death. Life saves the worst for last. I am far from my University freshman age of 18. I am now 53 years old. Old. 
I fear old age and death most of all and I am trapped in it. I absolutely won't do myself in so I have to just endure it. 

The News said that McDonald's founder George Cohon died at age 86. McCondolences. 
I thought the McDonald's founder was Ray Kroc. 
George Cohon was the founder of McDonald's as a corporation. Before that it was just a restaurant franchise which is a very different thing. 
There's a few restaurants in town with another restaurant one town over and another one two towns over. But they're not corporations! 
George Cohon was the first CEO of McDonald's. Ray Kroc had retired then. 
McDonald's is not so much a restaurant as they are a real estate owning entity. The internet says as much. And they're a charity too which means tax shelter. 

"Nothing in the World is as important as persistence. Talent is not as there are several talented people who are broke. Persistence alone is omnipotent."
Ray Kroc 


Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Last few days. Not much. Stayed home working on my Christmas cartoon. 

Lots of hashish smoked. Lots of tea drank. 

Today I went to the cannabis stores to pick up some weed and also some hash. The cannabis store told me Afghan hash $22 is better than blueberry rip strip hash $27. I'm glas they were honest and not after the extra $5.

Tuesdays and Sundays are the worst. Sundays. Do I go to Church or skip it? Tuesdays, do I go see Suzie and with extension her friend Carol? I just can't get Suzie out of my mind. I must have mental illness. But if I have the tendency to have someone on my mind, that it's this person or that person is incidental. A few years ago I thought of someone else. Now I forgot that person. A few years later I'll think of someone else all the time. 
I go, the most superficial conversations with lots of patronizing and gas lighting. Time limit is 2 minutes. That's all. 
I haven't gone to see her for over a year except for that one time in April. 
I hope I can just forget about her one day. I see thousands of things and also people that remind me of her. Yup. Mental illness. 

Henry Kissinger died at age 100. He was former Secretary of State to Richard Nixon. He won the Nobel Prize in 1975 along with Phan Duc To for drafting the Treaty that ended the Vietnam War. At one time in history, there wasn't a day when you didn't see Henry Kissinger on television, on the News.