Friday, September 1, 2023
Today, on the American Dad Apocalypse Soon app, I defeated the boss on the North Pole World. There is another world coming up but when is it going to arrive?
A security guard removed a dead seagull on the roof outside my window.
There is no old without young, no young without old. No rich without poor and no poor without rich. Some things can't exist at all except as a value offset by another value.
The thing is to view the subjective mind objectively rather than to view the objective mind subjectively.
Top advice. Things I wish I knew when I was 20.
1. Have a good telepathic history or thought history as you go through life. Some forces in the Universe are telepathic.
2. Neutralize all problems in the mind. And see if problems could also be funny. Except in times of exhaustion, burnout, breakdown, the ability to neutralize worrisome thoughts is halted. It takes a few months for that ability to come back.
Some problems can't be neutralized such as growing old. Growing old is awful but there's no way to avoid it.
3. Einstein said that the passage of time is an illusion. Everything is happening at the same time.
The meaning is that time travel is time experienced in an objective level. The way time is perceived is time experienced on a subjective level. Time is an algorithm, a modality, a dynamic.
Everything is happening all at the same moment but perceived otherwise, however there is an undercurrent or force to which all the billions of years of the Universes and the Earth's history registers as one moment. That is one of the forces that is keeping things together and one of the forces that God operates. More psycho babble. Word salad. Don't ever lose that imagination.
4. There is travel and there is regression. There are towns with good infrastructure and there are backwater towns with barely any infrastructure.
Usually, as Swing Out Sister said, it's better to travel.
Is it better to travel and live in another town but that town is a backwater or is it better to regress but live in a town with good infrastructure?
Backwater towns are relative. Dawson Creek is a backwater next to Victoria. Victoria is a backwater next to Vancouver. Vancouver is a backwater next to Toronto. Toronto is a backwater next to New York. New York is a backwater next to London UK.
London UK is the number one city in the World. London is a backwater to no other city.
To regress back to a town with good memories is one thing. To regress back to a town with bad memories is another. And to regress back to a town with selective memories good or bad is yet another thing.
I still fear travel. Travel anxiety. But to travel is good. There is a new saying, "not unlawful but awful" which is about various peccadilloes.
However to travel is not unlawful and unlawful. In other words, travel is good. I need courage and money to travel.
I fear the future.
Saturday, September 2, 2023
I stayed home all day apart from going to Shoppers and getting a Google card so I could get:
Santa Uniform and Santa rifle: $23
Yellow bird as pet: $10
These features are or else were available on the American Dad Apocalypse Soon app.
Jimmy Buffett died. The song Wasting Away can only be fully understood as an expat hearing it while sitting on a barstool in a tropical bar overseas..
Staying home all day. I've become really reclusive.
As one gets older, they can look forward to seeing their body shut down one organ at a time.
As one grows old they can also look forward to the health system shutting down one hospital at a time.
1 in 5 people in BC don't have a family doctor.
In a hospital in Northern BC, the emergency room is shut down all weekend.
In Victoria BC, the capital city of the Province, the Royal Jubilee Hospital operating room is shut down for one month due to shortage of staff with hundreds of cancelled surgeries. And you wonder why I fear the future.
A lot of the shortage has to do with lack of affordable housing. Rising house prices from speculation means steady property values and economic stimulation and investment incentives but only to a point. There comes a point where that is counterefficient thst essential workers can't afford a place to live.
There is an incongruency between two systems. One is the housing pricing structure and the other is the medical workers union wage structure. In England, there is something called London weighting which is similar in concept to the Living Wage.
There could be rent controls or else a government housing subsidy program exclusively designated for medical workers where part of their rent is paid for by the government. This would be an incentive to medical workers from elsewhere looking to work in BC. Something like this already exists. It's called co-op housing
Life gets worse yet I have to go on.
In towns that are prone to forest fires, a medieval solution might help. Thst is to build a moat around the city. A few cities today still have a most. One of them is Chiang Mai, Thailand. The moat should have flowing water and not stagnant water. I guess it could have stagnant water. A moat with flowing water would be connected to a river at two ends, one end for in-flow, one end for out-flow.
On television the other day, a Nanaimo RCMP Officer said of someone being, "deep in the throes of addiction." He could have been referring to me. I am back to being addicted to cannabis and tobacco. Chronic hardcore, light up once very 20 minutes level of addiction.
Howevrr, the RCMP Officer was referring to someone with a more severe addiction, that is addiction to drugs that involve needle usage.
Thursday, September 14, 2023
These last few days, I mostly spent at home. Stoned on weed. A few times I've furtively ventured out, I mainly went shopping. I went to Craigdarroch Castle a few times.
I haven't seen Heather for two and a half weeks. Her scooter is being fixed and so she can't come to visit me on the scooter. Often when I went to visit her, she wasn't home and even on a few occasions, I made an appointment with her and she didn't show up. I once asked her why and she said she was busy. That can mean that she was getting fucked.
I would fob her off on another guy if that other guy makes her happier than I make her. If that guy can provide for her things that were lacking in the relationship me and Heather have.
So I decided to give up on visiting. The afternoon is a bad time. She has afternoon naps regularly.
Before, there was no end in sight to the work. I was visiting her and constantly cleaning up for her. Now, there is no beginning in sight to the work. And that's good. I don't want to spend the next ten or twenty years being her servant with no end in sight.
I often delusionally think that if I didn't visit her and clean up for her every five days, that she would die. But a person who would die if you don't visit them for five days would probably be dead in nine months even if you did visit them all the time.
At Church, an old guy who goes there asked me about my headphones. He then said he had a go pro and didn't know how to work it. He then asked what I did for a living. I told him I am unemployed but I did animated cartoons on YouTube until I had a nervous breakdown two years ago and since feel nervous about doing cartoons.
He said he might need someone who can draw cartoons. I told HK that my cartoons aren't that good. He said "I'll be the judge of that."
I wish that guy would have left me alone and gotten off my case. I don't ask him to do things for me. I don't ask that of anyone.
His name is John or else Don and he said he is from Vancouver. He is old, over 70 years old. I once said that he is lucky to have seen Vancouver during the 50s and 60s.
He seems like a calm guy. Over the years, I've had so many worries and pronlems about people at Church and strangely, almost supernaturally, none were any problems I ever had to worry about later. These problems always, as a rule, resolved themselves. Church is a place where God and the Holy Spirit resides. I don't know anything about a go pro. He would know more about go pros than I would.
I can't do cartoons. Art is a product of inspiration. I am not in an inspired place in my life. I am at a place where I'm wondering if I'll have to be a handicapped lady's servant for life. I am at a place where I'm worried about that guy at Church asking me about my headphones, and go pros and doing animated cartoons.
I don't want to do cartoons and lose entire files of elaborately drawn pictures to make room for new projects all the time.
Mark Twain said, " As an old man I've known a great many troubles, most of them have never happened." The Church is like that.
I'll probably wind up not having to have to worry about that odl guy.
But Vancouver was awful in some ways then. There were turn of the century houses falling apart all over the city referred to as urban blight. Urban blight has disappeared as higher house prices keeps the riff raff from owning houses. Vancouver then had no internet and movies of the 50s and 60s and television shows were awful then although they probably seemed cutting edge when they were new.
Plus there is no way to save my animation cells. Each frame is a cell. Each cell is drawn and applied to the final cartoon project. Some of these cells or even sequences of them can be copied and pasted in the procedure of making a cartoon.
On my tablet, these cells can't be individually transferred to a PC and saved. I lost so many pictures and projects. I finally decided to give up because I have no more space on my tablet for future projects. I am a bit of a hoarder. I don't like to throw away past projects although I already threw away quite a few
I need to find an animated app other than flip a clip where I can transfer my project files to PC. But with new animation apps or programs, there is always a steep learning curve as each are every different. I give up on animation. I've lived out and drawn all the animation ideas I've ever previously dreamed of doing. Adventure cartoon, history csrtoons, outer space science fiction cartoon, martial arts cartoon, safari cartoon, trip to Europe cartoon, I've done all that. I don't really have any new ideas or visions. If I was Ina more inspired place, I might do csrtoons again.
There is no public demand for my csrtoons anyways.
At the drug saturated tent city, someone got shot this morning. It's probably a drug turf war. In Russia during the 90s, there was a code of gang violence and killings called razborki meaning settling of accounts which defined the underpinnings of the criminal under world's modus operandi. No one knows what happened but the best thing is to not get involved with drugs.
Given that Canada has stricter gun laws and given that a person who lives in a tent couldn't afford a gun or else why would they live in a tent, whoever had the gun was a gangster. Sherlock Holmes might deduce that a person living in a tent was selling drugs against the proviso of local gangsters who held the area as their drug turf and that local gangster shot and killed the drug user living in the tent or else the drug user had a lot of drug debts and was unable or else unwilling to pay.
There are a million stories in the naked city.
Subjectively, old age is horrible but objectively, old age is very gradual. Objectively, it is moving from one moment to the next, each moment not being very much different than the last. Or moving from year to year, decade to decade with each not being very much different than the last. Even if there is a sudden illness, society and its atmospherics and access to the internet is the same.
Subjectively, the imagination kicks in and one imagines all kinds of horrible things. Old age isn't a series of violent explosions but a gentle whimper as one retires or else gives in to a mental breakdown that they never thought they'd ever have but did have at one point in their life and retires.
"Every man's got a breaking point. You and I have one. Walt Kurtz reached his and he has gone insane." GD Spradlin, Apocalypse Now
If one thinks they are operating objectively, that is subjective. If one knows that they are operating subjectively, that is objective. In other words, if the senses can sometimes deceive, why wouldn't they always deceive?
Ukraine is the second most populated country in the USFR next to Russia itself. USFR United Soviet Federated Republics.
So the Russia Ukraine conflict is neither a civil war nor is it a traditional war between two nations. It is a war between two federated de jure and not de facto Nation-states.
Or it was the second most populated. That depends on how many refugees fled.
Let's just call it an internecine war.
Today I went for coffee with a friend at Church. She is a nice lady. She has a dog.
I fear the future. Heather is the source of all my fears and anxieties. Either I abandon her or else be her servant for life because she is handicapped and unable to completely clean up her own apartment. I hate people who put me into lose lose situations. I hope to see a way that I can be free from working for her for life. I don't have to work for her. I'm not legally required to.
Heather has lots of cigarette butts which I collect and smoke. Free tobacco. Either its go back and sometimes work for Heather for the free tobacco or else never work for her but pay money for cigarettes which is pricey. And that is another lose lose situation. I am terrified of the future now at this particular specific juncture in my life.
My addiction to tobacco is awful.
My friend from Church told me today that an East Indian philosopher who got a PhD said, "Taking care of yourself is the most unselfish thing you can do." Basically, if you don't care take of yourself, you won't be able to take care of others.
First it was burnout and nervous breakdown then it got downgraded to fear then downgraded to anxiety. Now it's just confusion and being overwhelmed. Confusion about my place in life and about what will happen in the future. I fear the future. The future is a concept. One only ever lives in the present. The future is a point far away that one is never quite at. They are only ever in the present.
I feel fear about Heather and the future.
After walking with my friend from Church, I went to the Legislative Buildings because David Suzuki was speaking there. I saw him from a distance. He was wearing sunglasses.
Then I went home. I fear the future. It terrifies me, actually.
Saturday, September 16, 2023
Woke up with fear. Fear all morning. I haven't been eating enough over the last couple of days. Food is a tedious detail. Either cook my own tasteless bland meal or else spend money to go to a restaurant, keep doing that and then wind up broke and starve to death.
Sometimes I don't feel like eating but one has to remember to eat regularly.
I went to the mall and Edo restaurant and got a meal to go. There was a very pretty lady who smiled at me. I smiled and said have a nice day, or something like that. This is a friendly town. Lots of people I've never seen before and will never see again smile at me and I guess others too.
Returned home with more fear. Life is boring. Stay home all day and play on the tablet, boring. Go on a walk. Boring. Visit Heather. Boring. Church is a social event and all social events takes effort to attend.
I don't feel great but feelings often lie. The true thing is the word of God.
Genesis 28:5 God will watch over you every day for life.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, said God. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Pastor Joyce Meyer said, "Don't live according to your feelings. Live according to the word of God."
Very few times do I ever feel bliss. It's usually a combination of looking at a picture of a building or a section of town from a favorite city and listening to music.
I used to feel Sunday vibes that we're so strong that after awhile, it was a bit cloying and I wanted it to end and they would often end at 7pm but sometimes it would go on til midnight. Sunday vibes. It's been years since I felt Sunday vibes like that. I hope I can feel that level of Sunday vibes again in my life. Sunday vibes is difficult to describe but it is centered around Church. This can be Buddhist Church or Christian Church. Sunday vibes remind me of 1974, the era when Steely Dan's album Katy Lied was released.
Well there was a formula. If I go to Church every week, I won't feel the Sunday vibes. It's best to go once every two or three weeks. Some Sundays not going to Church was essential to cultivating good Sunday vibes. I've been going every week these last two years because I have OCD and am prone to forming habits. But only good habits. Habits that give me anxiety are habits I won't form.
Thank God for the gift of life. Thank God for helping me with my life.
Thank you God for guiding my steps. Thank you God for showing me a way where I don't see a way.
Finally, existence is scary. To go on living is scary. And death is even more scary so I'm resigned to live life which is a process that terrifies me. Life is scary and death is scary. Existence is scary. Existentialism is supposed to address this issue. I don't know if it does.
I have to go on living. To honor life is to honor God. And to honor God is to honor life.
"You don't go from being alive to being dead. You go from being alive to being even more alive."
Angel films, upcoming documentary, After Death
Darth Vader: "Choose. Live or die."
Ashoka: "I choose to live."
Anakin: "There is hope for you."
Ashoka, season 1, episode 5
Monday, September 18, 2023
It was a good day. I went to the dentist because I have a tooth that's very sensitive to temperatures. I have to get it extracted next month.
I saw my dental assistant on the street. She gave me a hug.
Then I went to the James Bay Inn. I had lunch there but my tooth was very sensitive to the root beer with ice. At the James Bay Inn I had a very friendly talk with the waitresses who work there and I got a hug from them too!
Life is good. I like life. Thank God for the gift of life. I'm glad I stayed alive and didn't do anything crazy years ago. These last few days have been very smooth. I wonder Joe I'm going to get on jntil next month with a sensitive tooth.
The tooth usually doesn't hurt. Only extreme temperatures hurt the tooth.
I saw a sign hanging from a tree. It was a poem written by someone named Virginia Satie. It said that hugs are healthy and good for the body and a few hugs a day are recommended.
I feel very honored and blessed to be getting hugs from a lot of ladies over the years. These hugs each strengthen me and remind me that it is good to be alive and if I am able to see them and give them a hug once in awhile, indeed my life is going somewhere and not nowhere.
Despite what Virginia Satie wrote, perhaps too many hugs are lecherous. Hugs can cause anxiety if one is hung up on them. A man should be a gentleman and behave with honor. That is the essence of perfection. A man should be reserved around ladies and not be a pervert or lecherous. Or at least try his best to.
Perversion and lechery prevents a person from being 100% perfect. To have some perverse thoughts about women and sex is 100% normal but not 100% perfect. To be perfect is to be like Jesus. He's the only person who never sinned otherwise his crucifixion wouldn't have meant anything.
I wish I was someone who never sinned. I could sure write my own ticket. But since Christ was crucified, as Joyce Meyer says, "God takes away our sins and remembers them no more and removes our sin from us as far as the East is from the West."
I guess that would be for sins that aren't too serious. For the more serious ones like say someone did a lot of people in. Then God would say to them, "We got to talk." Or else he would send them to hell. Hell is real. Howard Storm talked about it. He also talked about the importance of not taking the Lord's name in vain.
I sometimes think that I need to see a certain form as proof that there is a God. What about the fact that I can see any forms at all? This thing called consciousness and being in a realm of a million and one things is a phenomenon enough to prove God's existence.
Man is a sentient being that makes things. So man imagines that there is likewise a sentient bejng that made all things such as stars and planets and stardust and these things through random incidental forces eventually made humans which makes things. Then the question would be who or what made God? I guess God is final irreducible variable in the cosmic equation of all existence. So nothing made God. God made hkmself like an egg which gives birth to itself. It's a vicious cycle. It's a Mobius strip.
Finally after all these years I am really glad to live in this town. I see a lot of friendly ladies who are willing to give me a hug. Some old ladies but some young ladies too! I think the ladies have noticed that I've been doing yoga. Two or three months ago, I had a pot belly. Then after a few months of doing yoga my body looks and feels more sturdy. I have a bit of an athletic look. I want to see how my body looks and feels after doing yoga every day or just about every day for a year. These last few days, I've been doing yoga twice a day. The body is physical. Sex is physical. When I improve my body, women respond to me in a physical level.
I doubt I'd stop after a year. I hope to be doing yoga every day for the rest of my life.
The love I feel from a few of the women in this town has really overwhelmed me and in a very good way. I hope to be the best person I can be.
To survive, I have to hydrate. Since I have a sensitive tooth, for the next 3 weeks and 3 days or thereabouts, I'll have to pour liquids into a cup and then wait until the liquid entropies to room temperature and this of course includes hot and cold liquids.
The News said that the Canadian Government said the the East Indian government sent some people to do in a Sikh separatist leader who was also moonlighting as a Sikh temple leader.
The Indian authorities must have seen him as the Sikh version of David Koresh.
That's just awful. This a a cruel mean world where all kinds of people get done in in Canada.
Is this going to be an ongoing thing? Is the East Indian government going to send more people to do in more of their own people across Canada or in the US or in the UK or Germany etc where there are Sikh temples?
This makes China imprisoning two Canadian citizens, the two Michaels, seem mild in comparison.
This Hardeep Singh Nijjar was a major separatist leader. So major that if Khalistan was ever established, he would be the first Western puppet Prime Minister or President or whatever gubernatorial title he assigns himself. He would be like the Sun Yat Sen of Khalistan.
Sun Yat Sen raised money overseas while he was overseas and eventually became the first President of the Republic of China. It goes without saying that Sun Yat Sen was a Western puppet.
Palki Sharma said that Hardeep Singh Nijjar had been organizing referendums about separation, kind of like Scotland's endless independence referendums.
Since Singh Nijjar was so singular in his level on his separatist group hierarchy, he was targeted.
While he was living in India before he moved to Canada, Hardeep Singh Nijjar was the leader of a Khalistan separatist terrorist group called the Khalistan Tiger Force which is probably the State of Punjab's answer to the Tamil Tigers.
Right now it is the State of Punjab. Only if it ever separates from India would it become Khalistan like Pakistan after it separated from India. Unlike Khalistan, Pakistan's separation from India was a result of exogenic forces namely the British occupation namely Cyril Radcliffe. Khalistan attempting to separate is from Indogenic, I mean endogenic forces.
Separatism is a dangerous game. A&E had a documentary about someone who was a separatist for Alaska being an independent country until he was found shot in his cabin.
Revolutionism and separatism is something to avoid and to not touch with a ten foot pole. Hasn't your life got enough problems without getting involved in such frivolous nonsense that is also highly illegal and dangerous? Enjoy the government you got. All problems wither under the glare of good government. If you really don't like your government, the best thing to do is to vote with your feet and to silently leave the country.
How would Canada respond? Trade sanctions and increased tariffs on Indian goods? India would be expected to reciprocate with increased tariffs.
Why Western puppet and not Russian puppet? Sikhs do not have a political presence in Russia as they do in the West.
In Canada, there are 18 Sikh MPs in the Canadian Parliament while there are 13 Sikh MPs in the Lok Sabha or Indian Parliament. And there are 5 Sikhs MPs in the UK Parliament.
I doubt there are any Sikhs in the Russian Parliament.
Singh Nijjar was based in the West who offered him asylum probably in exchange for him agreeing to being a Western puppet.
Taiwan, Khalistan, Quebec, and Scotland are all places that want to separate and be an independent country. And each of them have been trying for decades to do it.
The 1982 movie Secret Nation talks about Newfoundland wanting to separate in 1949 but agreed to join the union of Confederated Canada. But British agents were there and scuppered the deal somehow.
The Canadian History term Confederation intended to mean a bunch of Canadian nation States or Provincial States to come together as one united country when confederation means a separation of states like what happened with Russia in 1991. Federation means a bunch of Province States uniting to form one solidified sountry.
Anyways, the best thing anyone can do is just forget about separatism and separatists. Don't even think about them and certainly don't get involved with any nonsense like that.
The Priest who got killed at the Sikh Temple reminds me of the Priest who got killed during the Peasants Revolt in England in the 1300s.
There is a parallel to the Sikh Temple Priest Hardeep Singh Nijjar and Pastor Arthur Pawlowski. Both suffered government retribution for anti government activities.
If the Indian government is sending people overseas to whack one of their own people, that proves that the government is the biggest mafia of them all.
If the East Indian government sent their agents to whack a white Canadian who never had anything to do with India is one thing. They sent agents to whack one of their own whose involvement and history with India was extensive and profound. That explains it but it doesn't excuse it. That's like China's Operation Foxhunt on steroids!
Sending agents to do an extra judicial killing. That's out of order! Singh Nijjar didn't even get due process before getting the death penalty. No wonder Trudeau is pissed. Trudeau didn't think that was too cool.
Probably for months before, the Indian government had members of their secret police attending the lectures of that Priest to see if there is any anarchist anti-government speeches as could be expected with any priest of any religion at any Church. They probably didn't like what they heard.
Before he got killed, the RCMP gave Hardeep Singh Nijjar an Osman warning meaning that they have intelligence that someone is planning to kill him and that he should relocate. As a seasoned separatist leader, he probably received these warnings before and chose to ignore it.
Trudeau talked about the Singh Nijjar case with the Indian President Narendra Modi during his trip to India. The Indian PM probably said, "You got your problems with Quebec so shut the fuck up."
Someone should do a Hardeep Singh Nijjar Braveheart parody. "They may take our land but they'll never take away our freedom!"
This case is like a real East Indian finger trap. Well, like they say, curry no favors and favor no curries.
Although separatists get all the Press, most Punjabis and or Sikhs are not separatists and are loyal to their National government. Just as most people in Quebec and law abiding citizens and loyal to the government of Canada. Separatists are a conspicuous minority.
Why would Trudeau be picking a fight with India? If I was PM, I'd choose to look the other way publicly, but privately have a closed door meeting or even phone call with India saying, "We understand that you were really upset with this guy. If there was an equivalent guy in our country, we'd want to do him in too. You're not going to be doing this too often if ever in the future, are you? If you are, next time let us know about it. Perhaps we can help you." The News said Trudeau wants the Sikh vote for the next election. Perhaps Jagmeet Singh goaded him into it.
Would there be a war beteeen India and Canada? Is this a casus belli or else cause for war? If India was going to war with Canada over this, at this point India would already be having a civil war between the Sikhs and the Hindus. Would the Hindu majority Indian government be willing to fight a two front war? India has a billion people and Canada has 35 million people. If India invaded Canada, well, like the old guy in the stagecoach said in the movie Shaka Zulu, "We are all going to die!!" A billion people is so many people that you would think that they were sprouting from the walls and springing from the ground.
Between already fighting a proxy war with Russia ie Canada sending surface to air anti aircraft missile technology to Ukraine and possibly fighting India after a global pandemic is like out of the frying pan into the fire. In other words, we're f*cked.
Don't ever lose that imagination. The mind will paint pictures.
Well, my advice is to go to Baba Lassi which has the best lassi in Varanasi.
I hesitated to write that the killing of their leader set their movement back 20 years. A counterargument is that it accelerated their movement 20 years.
Whoever the next leader is, the Indian government will want to kill him too like the Chinese government killed the Panchen Lama.
I wonder if the son will follow in his father's footsteps.
Ukraine is the breadbasket of Europe. The State of Punjabi is the breadbasket of India. Let's just called The State of Punjabi the Ukraine of India.
What an East Indian rabbit-hole!
That Trudeau is going to get us all killed! He really put his hand in a rats nest this time. His approach to this situation. A little more tact and diplomacy and bedside manner would be good. How would another Prime Minister have handled this? How can a person with one personaloty make the decision for a country with so many different personality vectors of opinion?
If India and Canada have a war, worst case scenario, India sends ballistic nukes which they have and which Canada does not. But India would nuke Surrey though. Whereas in a nuclear war with any other country, Surrey would not be as nearly a high priority a target.
Again, the mind paints pictures.
The word India is from the British derivation of the word that the Persian named India, Hindustan. The name the Indians themselves know the country as is Bharat.
What India and the United States have in common is that a few of their leaders got shot.
India: Indira Ghandi and Rajiv Ghandi and on Wikipedia list of assassinated Indian politicians, a lot of them got done in, MPs, Party leaders etc. It's a real megalothalon of death death death.
United States: Garfield, Lincoln, McKinley, JFK.
What Canada and Chjna have in common is that none of their leaders ever got done in. Think of every President of China. Did any of them ever get done in? Wrong!
Trudeau upsetting India bears the dynamic of the leader of a country where none of their leaders ever got done in upsetting a country where some of their leaders and a whole lot of politicians got done in such as in the UK where Brexit politician Jo Cox get done in.
PM Trudeau, you do you! Whatever you do is something that you think is right.
A new Punjabi movie called Safarzade: The Princess and the Iron Horses is a movie I want to see. It is about a group of bikers who rescued a Princess from the evil clutches of her stepfather. It is filmed in the interior of BC. A Sikh doctor who had no actinv experience is the lead character. A sequel is planned. I might see this movie one day.
Why is there a Prince of Wales but not Prince of Cardiff?
Why is there a Duke of Edinburgh but not Duke of Scotland?
A Prince ranks higher and thus presides over a country rather than a city like a Duke of Edinburgh or Duke of Cambridge or Duke of Sussex and Duke of Wessex etc.
Tuesday, September 19, 2023
First woke up in panic. Then I thanked God for the gift of life and then remembered the little things I look forward to, a few puffs of tobacco, a YouTube video of music.
The News said that John Mc Enroe is meeting up with Bjorn Borg again in a publicly televised event in Vancouver. Would there be a round of singles tennis?
Bjorn Borg is legendary.
John MacEnroe threw tantrums on the tennis court. Do you remember those rock stars who used to smash their guitars into the floor? John MacEnroe was like that with the tennis racket.
Tennis is a sport. Those who aren't good at tennis don't get depressed that they don't play tennis more often.
Sex is a sport. Those who aren't good at sex do get depressed that they don't get sex more often.
Sex is work and requires performance. Even women have to display a certain minimal level of performance and focus.
I still fear the future as I watch my teeth go from my mouth one teeth at a time. Just about every year or every two years now I'm getting yet another tooth extracted. I fear dentures. I have bone loss in the mandibles or else jaw bones. Can someone like that still get dentures? Teeth are a defective and anachronistic algorithm. Humans still have the same teeth that they did during the ice age or even before. I greatly fear the future now. At age 53, it's all downhill from here and not in a good way. To make it from day to day takes effort. There's the hundred and one chores and things to do. It's a struggle and after that exertion, is there a reward at the end of it? At the end of it one goes from being old to being very old and death is after that which is the scariest thing of all. So after all that, not only do you get no reward, you get punished.
Existence is a trap. Die young, you lose. Go through old age, you lose. Die, you lose. Existence is a no win situation and a trap.
A vision of the future me:
The good news: I got a red 1988 BMW 325i, 4 door and refurbished.
The bad news: I'm living in my red 1988 BMW 325i.
Well, let's hope not!
There is a wishing tree st Colwood village in Victoria BC. Wishes are written on small cards and are tied to the tree. Sometimes a reply will be later on tied on to the wish.
I would wish for to be free from fear of the future. I would wish to be happy and blissful.
Other than that I still wish for a 1988 model BMW but it has to be in good condition. What's the use of wishing for a 35 year old car? That's not a wish. That's a hang-up.
The mind paints a picture of the future and not just one picture. It paints millions of pictures. What will happen next week, next month, a year from now, 5, 10, 20 years from now. All those pictures are wrong.
Those pictures are subjective but are mistaken for objective.
Without enough information how can one know what ten years later will present?
Today I only went to Shoppers Drug Mart. I got condensed milk, cream soda, General Tao's chicken and sugar. The sugar and the milk is for tea and coffee which I'm drinking again. For some reason caffeine no longer gives me the anxiety it once did. For weeks at coffee hour after Church I turned down coffee saying that caffeine gives me anxiety. I think some people prayed for me and now I no longer feel anxiety when drinking caffeine.
Wednesday, September 20, 2023
Today I mailed a $20 donation to the RCMP Police department for the Police charity called Tour de Rock. Then I went to Rogers cable to pay my monthly internet bill.
Rogers bought out Shaw cable in a non hostile takeover corporate merger.
I didn't go to Walmart. I haven't seen Heather in over three weeks. When I go there, she usually isn't home. Her scooter is still being repaired. Once it's repaired, then she can and probably will visit me. Unless she dies. Her health is so compromised I always think that she'll die soon. But this is the same person, me, who thought that 2 years ago, I'd be dead in less than two years.
I had exhaustion and burnout so bad that I felt rocks rolling around in my head and a steam iron hot burning feeling jn my stomach. I never felt so much pain before or since. I thought and still think it might be with me forever.
But people went through more painful things like possibly multiple gun shots that caused injury to their viscera. That is way more painful than exhaustion or burnout. Yet a lot of them revered and haven't felt any pain in years if not decades.
My worry. As more of my teeth get extracted I worry that I won't be able to afford dentures then I'll be toothless and die of starvation. Or I'll get dentures but screw up in the usage of the dentures and as more of my teeth get extracted it will cost more mkney and hassles to add extra teeth to the dentures. I fear I won't be able to get though all that.
My teeth are an ancient anachronistic defective vestigial algorithm. Teeth have remain unchanged in humans since even before the ice age.
My teeth are ghastly and wretched. I have dental illness. I am dentally ill. And probably mentally too. I wouldn't put that past the realm of possibility.
I'm doomed. My partial dentures were estimated to cost $984. Maybe I can go to Kool Aid which offers free dentistry even dentures for homeless people or people living below the poverty line like yours truly. Or I could go to the University to the student dental clinic. It costs less but compared to my dentist they don't have that much experience.
I hope to one day lose my fear of the future. I fear what will happen when I'm 60 and then 70. Would I even live to 70? And for what? Will I ever get married or be single for life?
Whether I'm rich or poor, married or single, successful or unsuccessful, I will always remember to thank God for the gift of life which is somewhat better than a really rich person who it wouldn't occur to them to ever thank God for the blessings jn their life and for the gift of life.
This is better than even the poor person who doesn't smoke anything while the millionaire is addicted to tobacco and weed too. Or the poor person who practices meditation often while the millionaire never ever meditates ever.
I fear that my future is a road once followed down far enough will lead to me acquiescing and working for Heather and being her servant for the next ten or twenty years. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or if I don't work for her, I feel guilty that I abandoned her. I hate people and situations that paint me into a no win situation corner. My life is a problem now.
Anxiety comes from specific situations in life. They don't appear for no reason. No win situations always equal anxiety.
4 wildland firefighters died in a car crash after hours of fighting forest fires. They survived hours of firefighting intense forest fires only to die in a car crash. How senseless.
This reminds me of General George Patton. He survived World War 2 only to die in a car crash after being repatriated.
Today the Police had their hands full as they busted a few protesters at the SOGI protest rally as the Legislature.
I think that SOGI shouldn't be taught at elementary and middle school. Only in senior high school should they be taught about such a topic and even then the teaching would be brief with the words, "Most people are heterosexual. However some are not. Some people even want to be a different gender. Different strokes for different folks. You have to decide what is right for you. If you want to learn more, do it on your own time and learn from the internet, that's if you want to as many of you would prefer to avoid the topic altogether."
Traditionally, most people learn about alternative lifestyles while they are in college or University. University is all electives so if your electives don't overlap with a class where they would teach SOGI, I guess you wouldn't learn about it.
Lots of people drop out of university. Well, I the wide world outside of any kind of school you can still learn about whatever you want to learn from the internet.
Thursday, September 21, 2023
Last day of summer.
Leonardo di Caprio is going to be in a movie called Killers of the Flower Moon. It is based on a true story.
In the 1920s, the Osage people were per capita the richest people on Earth. Their territory occupied oil wells. They rode limousines, wore fur coats, drank champagne and sent their children to study in Europe. Then one day they died one after another under mysterious circumstances. The then newly formed FBI sent agents including a Native undercover agent to investigate.
That's ghastly and sinister.
The FBI was formed in the mid 1930s under FDRs New Deal, make work project, alphabet soup government agencies.
LdC sure likes to do historical period piece movies like the Aviator, the Revenant, The Great Gatsby, Romeo and Juliet and now Killers of the Flower Moon.
I thought of reading the book but it would be depressing reading. I don't like to read books about people getting killed.
In the hills of Osage county Oklahoma, small flowers such as Johny jump-ups and spring beauties and little bluettes grow. Then larger flowers like black eyed Susans and spiderworts grow above the little flowers stealing their light. Deprived of light, the necks of the small flowers break castings petals all over the meadows which are then reclaimed by the Earth and buried under neath. This happens in May when wolves howl under a very large moon. The Osage Indians refer to May as the time of the flower killing moon.
My life is edgy. One problem after another. Next week I get yet another tooth extracted.
I am under the impression that the cops want to bust me. I'm not like a gangster who can stand up to the Police. I basically fold under Police pressure. I'd be like putty in their hands.
Well if the cops wanted to bust me, I wouldn't be too difficult to find.
William Burroughs wrote in Interzone something along the lines of, "If the authorities wanted to locate anyone in town, they could be found in less than ten minutes. So if someone approaches you with a story that they are on the run from the law, it is a prelude to a touch." Misquoting but the meaning is there.
Someone told me that the cops have been wanting to bust me for two months. Baffling. Even if someone was busted and sent to the dock, it's not like they have to sit there and take it. The Province will usually provide some kind of lawyer. Still the thought of being busted is terrifying.
Some rock stars like Justin Bieber got busted lots of times yet their careers are still there.
So it's been an edgy week.
India revokes travel visas for Canadians. Canada would be expected to reciprocate. In a country already with a staff shortage, there goes the new talent for doctors, security guards, fast food workers, and politicians with genuine political talent.
The India says they won't be sending any Indian workers to Canada during this administration. Therefore Trudeau is forced to resign. This is one imaginary scenario. Revoking visas is not good. The situation is ramping up.
Fear all day. I am so desensitized to fear that fear just simply numbs me. I thought of what the person said. I wonder if I'm going to get busted. Then I get another tooth extraction. Why must life always be trouble to me. I don't sense that I'm trying to give life trouble as much as life seems to try to give me trouble. In any town one travels to, they can run into trouble. Every big city and small town in the World has trouble.
Now I'm worried. Again. What were the chances of that? Will India nuke Surrey BC? Will the cops bust me?
There's more of a chance of the cops busting me than of India nuking Surrey. There's more of a chance of India nuking Surrey than of the cops busting me. Either statement sounds equally true and either statement is supposed to sound good, but do they?
You wonder why I fear the future.
Today, I went for coffee with a friend at Church. Strictly and purely platonic. She is a very kind lady and a good spirit. I really like her.
I feel some anxiety now. Slight panic.
I got my cell phone reactivated. I only use the phone for outgoing calls. I turn off the phone as soon as I don't use it. Other people I know do that with their phone too.
I tried calling my Church friend today but the phone automatically dialed Heather so I spoke with her briefly. I miss her and I love her.
Today President Vlodomir Zelenskyy visited Ottawa in Canada and addressed the Parliament of Canada. I don't really care about that.
Honestly, I kind of think Zelenskyy is a troublemaker. He urges countries to donate munitions and military technology therefore coalescing countries together in a proxy war with Russia which is a dangerous move.
What if Russia all of a sudden says, "Never mind all this sneaky proxy war nonsense. We're going to take all of NATO on directly."
Thst it's Zelenskyy of Ukraine is incidental. Any head of state who goes around to other countries trying to scriunge whatever munitions they can is an egregious troublemaker. If an arms dealer does that, he is a bad person. If a head of state does Thst, he is a hero.
Ukrainian is very similar to Polish. Lots of overlapling words like dobre, tak, smaczne, etc etc
In 1795 Poland was invaded by Russia and partitioned into three parts, Austria, Prussia and Russia.
Anyways, Canada should say to Ukraine, "We weren't involved when the fight between you and Russia started. Either hold your own and agree to fight Russia under your own strength or else just surrender immediately and see what terms you can negotiate. Make some kind of deal. Don't try to rope all of us into your hornet's nest. Aren't you already half Russian anyways?"
Today in Coquitlam in Pinetree Way and Glen Drive which is a place I never visited before ever, there was a shootout involving a resident who lives in a nice condo. A shootout ensued and Constable Rick O'Brien of the RCMP got shot and died on scene. That must have been horrible. Anaphylactic shock, HPA axis tweaked on maximum overdrive, massive panic attack and then the cold embrace of death.
RIP and condolences.
O'Brien. George Orwell 1984. Room 101.
A Police Officer tweeted about the incident tweeting, "The Police protect the public. Where is our protection?"
How could the general public protect the Police in this case. There was a Police cordon with yellow Police tap around the building. If any member of the public tries to cross the Police line saying," I want to see if I could help Police Officers in the building. I even brought a gun with me. Glock 9mm. I am licensed to carry."
What do you think the Police on scene would say? "Go ahead. It's good to know that while we're trying to protect the public, the public is also protecting us."
No.
The attendant RCMP Officer on scene would say. "This is a Police incident. Members of the public are not permitted to cross. Move along. Go away!"
Not only is it a sad day for the Police. It's a sad day for all of us.
A rhetorical question as Where is our protection? Is as rhetorical as Why did PM Justin Trudeau turn down a Presidential suite opting to stay at where he chose tok stay and why did PM Justin Trudeau turn down the use of a National executive airplane opting to travel with his own plane and be stranded in India for two days?*
Trudeau or any other head of state would not stay in any rooms or any travel on any planes that his own security forces haven't swept and this procedure can take a week.
*source: Khalistan Row: Trudeau Avoids Questions, India Halts Visas for Canadians, Vantage with Palki Sharma. from uploader Firstpost. YouTube
Saturday, September 23, 2023
Emily Carr, born in December and died in March.
Same as Jesus, more or less.
Today I went to the walk in clinic. I had a small pimple on my genital area which has since grown into a large wart. I glanced it with a safety pin and squeezed. There was quite a bit of clear pus liquid with lots and lots of small timy clumps of white cheese. I since applied acne cream and also antibacterial cream.
These things are usually nothing to worry about and go away on their own in a few weeks.
Then I walked to Craigdarroch Castle. I went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch.
Today Heather visited me. She came here on her wheelchair. She took the bus. She visited for 20 minutes and then I pushed her back to her apartment. I haven't seen her in 4 weeks. I do love her.
I went to the walk in clinic today. I had a pimple on my genitals which I popped but had since grown into a large pus filled wart. It's so big that it's like a third testicle!
Later in the evening, I clipped a small slit opening with my hangnail clippers. Then I squeezed. Hard. For 15 minutes. Thick dark colored blood and lots of pus which was clear liquid with lots and lots of tiny chunks of white cheese. That's what drained out. After squeezing, I applied benzoil peroxide shampoo to the area. I cleaned it in the shower then I applied fucidin Leo Leo antibacterial cream.
Sunday, September 24, 2023
Went to the Presbyterian Church again. I met the old guy, Don, in the hallway. My mistake I asked about what work he wanted me to do or help with. I should have said nothing. He already said last week, "If you don't want to do it then I won't mention it." Yet from curiosity I asked what the job was when I should have just said nothing. That's my damned personality. Now I'm worried that I got myself co-opted into some weird work.
I'm not aware that I am wanting to give life itself trouble but life seems to like to give me trouble.
Worried about that guy at Church asking me to do some kind of work.
Worried about my tooth extraction tomorrow.
Worried about Heather.
Worried that the cops want to bust me.
I do have my issues and problems which I project onto the canvas of life and jn return life seems to give me these troubles.
Life without teeth. I think I might be edentulous one day. In a million years all people will be edentulous. Teeth are vestigial, defective and not really necessary. A person can live on soft and liquid foods. A person with no teeth might need to invest in a blender. Steaks in a blender. Whether the food is chewed or run through a blender, either way it ends up as a mush in the stomach anyways.
Monday, September 25, 2023
A tea shop in Maple Ridge got vandalized twice. The first time some one broke a window and sprayed bear spray. The second time, a smoke bomb was thrown in the store, again, after breaking a window. No items were stolen. No other stores were targeted.
Like with the 7-11 tire slashing, this is a crime of passion rather than of opportunity.
Sherlock Holmes would think this.
I'm guessing that due to the present cultural climate and recent events, the vandals were anti-SOGI and the tea shop owner is pro-SOGI. It could be that they met at a pro/anti SOGI protest and argued but that doesn't explain how the vandals knew she owned a tea shop. Probably during an online chat or even YouTube comments argument, she had an argument against an anti-SOGI person and the person checked her tag and found out she owns the tea shop. That tag might have even had a link to her tea shop's Facebook account.
I got my tooth extracted. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. It was a bit edgy yet I was calm and not scared. One less thing to worry about.
What I feared was the needles. I thought that I would be harpooned. I didn't feel anything or felt very little. Dentistry has improved since the 50s. It isn't that painful anymore.
I fear life and I fear the future. I hope that God can teach me not to fear the future nor to fear life nor to fear what happens after life. Those are the great cardinal fears of all humans.
The growth on my genitals has shrank greatly. There is still a small ball of hard flesh but that the residual formation of the large zit. It takes a few days to shrink completely.
Today a delegation from British Columbia went to visit Ottawa including the Premier and a few Cabinet Ministers. Ostensibly it was a routine trade delegation to discuss various policies and implementations. The presence of the few politicians was a red herring that diffuses the importance and seriousness of the mission. What it was really about is that the Premier wants to ask the Prime Minister "What the heck exactly is going on? Your statements about India and Surrey BC directly affect the people in my Province. They're worried."
Tuesday, September 26, 2023
Today, Vantage with Palki Sharma said that Apple says that by 2027, 50% of Apple phones will be made in India. She also said some Chinese people didn't like that and wrote messages like.
"If you open the iPhone, you can smell the curry. It's natural over there and hygienic." Or words to that effect.
That's xenophobia and prejudice.
I myself being Chinese, would love it if I ever got an iPhone made in India. It would be a high quality cell phone. I would love the cell phone from India as Will Ferrell as Chazz in Blades of Glory loved his hair brush from Italy.
"I love this brush far more than I could ever love any human baby." Blades of Glory
I trust East Indians as I would trust people of any Nationality.
There's always exceptions but the vast majority of East Indians are more together than I am. They don't live in fear or fear the future as I do. They don't talk about being afraid of being old like I do. They don't have anxiety like I do. They don't fear life like I do.
I spent the day in a haze of fear and worry. Sometimes the slightest thought regarding any most trivial decisions gives me a minor panic attack. I believe that I'm psychologically doomed.
Someone on YouTube said, "If you think you don't have what it takes to handle the future, remember that in five years from now, you won't be the same person. You will be a different person."
Yeah, but what if that person is the person who gets dementia in five years?
In what wound up as a Parliamentary train wreck, a World War 2 guy fighting for the wrong side gave a speech in Parliament. This resulted in a public relations catastrophe and when the fallout was over, speaker of the house, Anthony Rota, no relation to ex-Canucks player Darcy Rota, was forced to resign which he did, a casualty of indiscretion.
Now the government of Poland wants to extradite this guy named Huncka.
This guy is probably shitting. Would Poland execute him? The News said the unit he was in took place in a massacre on a Polish village in World War 2. For that, he could get executed in Poland but at age 98, that's just cutting out the middleman.
The name Huncka reminds me of the name Hulka from Stripes.
"I'm Sergeant Hulka your drill instructor but you can think of me as Uncle Sam."
Bill Murray: "Uncle Hulka?" Stripes
Well, again, Vantage with Palki Sharma said that the Indian government tried a few times to have Hardeep Singh Nijjar extradited from Canada but he never was.
Even though Nijjar was the head of a separatist terrorist group called the Khalistani Tiger Force, hoarded machine guns, arranged to have people done in in India, organized independence referendums, it's strange that he wasn't extradited.
The News said that some Sikhs at the Gurdwara where Nijjar was killed have the video of his assassination but for some reason haven't released it.
Maybe because it's what's referred to in the industry as a snuff video? The News might show it but it would be heavily blurred so it'd be like you saw the video but then again you didn't.
I doubt you could see it on YouTube either. YouTube will take down any snuff videos.
Wednesday, September 27, 2023
Spent the day worrying about the years ahead. I hope that God can teach me not to fear the future.
Otherwise I went with Heather for her appointment with the hair salon. I often worry about Heather's health. I feel very protective towards her. She is sweet and I love her so much.
Every day I wake up with a slight panic attack. What do I do today? Stay home all day. Boring. Go out for a walk also boring. Day in day out.
I think my future is going to be lousy which is why I fear it.
Utter devastation. Looking on the internet about my old girlfriend in Vancouver, I found out that she died earlier this year. She was 56 when she died. During her life, she suffered from anorexia and bulimia. She was my girlfriend throughout my twenties. I wonder if I should have married her. Maria had very strict parents. People on welfare usually don't get married. Me and her are and were on welfare. But would marriage have stopped her from being anorexic? Sometimes when someone is into something, marriage won't stop it.
I don't know what to think. Life is bittersweet. Life is like a bildungsroman which is a long story that takes place over decades and eras through the main characters life. Characters met when young, later on die when the main character is in middle age.
I think of all the times I could have been kinder to her. Perhaps I should have called her more. I wanted to travel and left Vancouver. I wish Maria all the best wherever she is. I don't know where people go after they die. I hope it isn't scary.
For some irrascible reason, I didn't shed any tears or cry. My heart must be made of stone. I don't know what it is about me. I did shed a tiny tear but that's it.
