October 2022 - headaches cyclooxygenase enzyme

 Saturday, October 1, 2022

Thank God for the gift of life. 

Wake up somewhat worried. I worry about trivial things. Yesterday, I spent about $3 on Google books. I got a Herman Hesse Demian book for 65 cents, then a book of American short stories for 85 cents and a book from WW Jacobs, writer of The Monkey's Paw for $1. The book I got was WW Jacobs, The Toll. The Toll is a Christmas ghost story. In Victorian times, it was common to read a ghost story book around the fire at Christmas. Nowadays, ghost stories are often read or watched on DVD at Halloween. I thought that since the Monkey's Paw is a good story, The Toll should also be good although I never heard of the Toll until yesterday. The Toll is about 4 men who dare themselves over money to stay at a notoriously haunted house, a house that many have never left alive. 

This is nothing new. I worry about the future. I have always worried about the future. When I was 20 and after I left college, I worried about my future. I didn't have a good job and didn't live with my parents and I dropped out of college and I worried about the future then. Things turned out fine for the most part. I am still alive and healthy. However I never got married and I am only living in a rooming house and not a nice apartment. So my future did turn out rather dismal. I still thank God for the gift of life. I thank God for my health. I thank God that my life, although not rich, is still comfortable and full of little luxuries like a big screen television and tablets so I can play my favorite apps like Subway Surfers, Talking Tom Gold Run, Toon Math, Paper Train and League of Trivia etc.

Every day is a blank slate of boredom. I daily struggle with the four forces of depression, anxiety, fear and boredom. Some days more than others. The extreme anxiety I felt yesterday was from the caffeine from the coffee. Good coffee brings anxiety. It's a sign of good coffee. A few hours later, and after a meal, the anxiety of lifted. 

I discovered a wonderful app called Math Class from the makers of Toon Math. The questions are at elementary school level, no algebra and certainly no calculus. They do provide a modicum of challenge and in my case, help relax the brain and stimulate the brain simultaneously. You gotta be really spaced out not to get a single one of these questions right. 

Sunday, October 2, 2022

I went to Church once. Then in the afternoon, I visited Heather. She's doing all right. She gave me some fish and chips. 

I was playing the app The Walking Dead: Identities all night last night. It's one of those quasi addictive match 3 games where there is world building. Level up this, level up that. It soon enough reaches the pay to play wall and unless one pays, it will take a long time to level anything up ever again. 

I smoked a smidge of pot today. Just a micropinch. It's not too bad. But I don't want to get addicted and then wind up broke and homeless. I am afraid that I will like it too much. One should only smoke a little bit once in a while. 

The fear: Pot and or booze is a gateway drug and before you know it, you'll be smoking crack and shooting heroin and then living on the streets homeless with or without a tent and then one day be found dead of an overdose. That's ridiculous. Most people have smoked pot for decades and didn't do anything drug. They didn't wind up broke or homeless on the streets. Just smoke a little bit once every few days. Or else wind up broke. 

Monday, October 3, 2022

This evening, Monday morning, I found a potato chip that looks like a heart. This is a sign. I wouldn't have found it if I didnt have what I thought was a bedgug biting me on my left shoulder. I took my shirt off and within the shirt was the heart shaped potato chip. 

Today, I went to the soup line. Then I returned a blu ray to the Library. Then I went and got two bottles of ginger ale on sale for $4 for two 2 litre bottles which is a great deal. One glass of pop can cost more than $4 at a restaurant. Then I spent the rest of the day at home except in the evening I went and got some Presidents Choice pad Thai for $5. 

Most alarmingly, in Northern California, there is a serial killer. 5 men have been killed within a certain radius or 'comfort zone'. Eventually the Police will capture this serial killer with forensics and advanced methods. In the United States, the FBI is involved in serial killer cases. But not all cases are solved. In Northern Canada on the highway between Prince George BC and Prince Rupert is highway 97 or The Highway of Tears. A serial killer operated on that highway for years and to my knowledge, no one was caught. Officially. Sometimes the Police do an undercover operation and the situation is 'handled' with no court, no trial, no jail. Typically, if someone kills someone, they start to see in their life very large people with uniforms following them around. These are homicide detectives. The Police have an uncanny knowledge of someone who kills someone. The Police together have a combined expertise of hundreds of years worth of experience. The killer only has the few hours or few minutes of experience. I hope the killer gets caught. Over the years on the News, a lot of killers get caught. These type of News stories evoke a strange nostalgia as the 70s, 80s, 90s etc had serial killer stories on the news so these stories hearken back to a more simpler time of the old days. Years later, an author will research the case and it will be a novel on the New York Times top ten bestsellers of the week. I hope the Police catch who did it. It's only a matter of time. The dragnet is closing. 

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Today, I saw the movie Don't Worry Darling. Grace Randolph said it was a remake of The Stepford Wives. The movie had a lot of 50s nostalgia bringing anemoia which is nostalgia for a time that you never lived in. A female surgeon and her husband are enticed to live in a hypnotic control land called Victory, reminiscent of the movie Island starring Ewen Mc Gregor.

Victory wine, Victory eggs, Victory milk is reminiscent of Victory cigarettes in the George Orwell novel 1984. The director and a star of the movie is Olivia Wilde who was Cora in the movie Tron Legacy. It was a very good movie although the ending was incomplete. Alice Chambers runs to the control compound on top of the hill and there it ends. There is no reveal of the control compound. The title itself made me see the movie. Don't Worry Darling is good words for a person who suffers from fear and anxiety. My fear and anxiety has gone for the most part. 

The doctor in the Don't Worry Darling movie said, "You're just suffering from routine exhaustion." Maybe that's what my fear and anxiety came from because for months I only was sleeping for about 2 - 3 hours a night with no afternoon naps. My weird train of thought was that George Mallory pushed through exhaustion as much as he could but wasn't able to reach the summit of Mount Everest. I thought that I could push through exhaustion staying awake to 5:30 am and drinking more energy drinks and seeing if I could push through to 6:30 am. I did that on a lot of evenings last year. Then the burnout and PTSD and nervous breakdown set in. I cracked. 

It was a perfect storm. The pandemic was raging full force with each day being a record number of cases, I was helping Heather 7 days a week suffering from caregiver burnout, there was the record setting heatwave where the temperature was about 38 degrees Celsius on the hottest day plus I was worried about being over 50 thinking I'm old and going through midlife crisis plus the sleeping only 3 hours a night with no afternoon nap. All that together was the straw the broke the camel's back. I cracked. It takes about a year but one does heal from burnout. At the worst point, I felt like I had boulders rolling in my head and a hot steam iron in my stomach. I thought that at that rate, I'd be dead in less than a year. I thought that I was going to feel that way for life. But a year later I feel a lot better. 

There was months of fear and anxiety but that went away with me having regular afternoon naps for months. 

Still, I am unable to smoke pot every day like I used to. I think that if I smoke every day, that will cost money and I'll wind up broke. So the thing is to smoke just a bit once every few days. I still have that little plastic jar of pot that I bought in June of 2021. So I'm smoking one year old pot. It's still good and smokeable though. I'll just smoke the smallest micro pinch once every two weeks on Sunday. The Sunday vibes along with good music and smoking pot is a heavenly feeling. I listen to jazz music particularly the YouTube video, Michael Franks live at Budokan with the NY - LA dream band performed in 1982 with Lee Ritenour and Dave Grusin. That is a great jazz video. Once you listen to it a couple of times and get to know it, it is a slice of heaven. Plus I also think of the building that is the Connections thrift store in Sidney BC. I imagine what it is like to live in one of the rooms of the second floor with the windows and I am in heaven. I think that an angel lives at that building. There is no other way to explain why every time I think of that building and listen to good jazz music and also the unreleased hits of the Steely Dan album Gaucho, I am in heaven. But that's just me. I visited the Connections Thrift Store and actually told the cashier living there that I think the building has very good vibes. She was happy to hear that. 

Connections Thrift Store in Sidney Bc. I listen to good jazz music or the Unreleased Gaucho Steely Dan and I imagine myself living on the second floor of this building where the windows are. It's heaven on Earth. Of course the second floor from what I observed isn't apartment rooms. It seems to be classrooms of some kind. There's an actual angel that hangs around that building. 

In the Bible, there is a pool called Bethesda. An angel goes and stirs the water of that pool once a year. Whoever gets in the water first will be healed of their illness and disability. There was a man who had been a paraplegic for 38 years. He was never able to get into the water first because there were always people who got in ahead of him. He told Jesus this and Jesus healed him on the spot. Jesus even said, "Pick up your mat and walk." as the paraplegic always brought a mat with him that he always layed down on. 

I think that a similar angel lives at Connections thrift store in Sidney BC. 

That is not the first time I thought things were living at places. In Vancouver Chinatown, there was a staircase leading down at where the Kiu Yick bookstore was on Pender Street. When I was 7, I was walking with my grandfather and I told him that I thought that a crocodile was living down there one set of steps below in the basement. I really believed that at the time. But this is operating with the logic of a 7 year old. 

The staircase where I believed that the crocodile lived is to the left of the man wearing the red jacket and carrying a green bad also on the bottom picture, right behind the white car. The staircase has a sliding metal grate over it. It didn't use to, in 1977. Do you believe that a crocodile lives at the bottom of those stairs? 

The restaurant Sutra is closing at the end of October. Sutra is a Vikram Vij restaurant. Vikram Vij is a very famous East Indian chef from Vancouver. It is heartbreaking that Sutra will be closing with no plans to relocate elsewhere in Victoria BC.

The Walking Dead Identities app closed. The beta test ended. Good thing I didn't spend $6.99 for the monthly pass otherwise I would have been out $6.99. I had about $7 left on my Google account and if I didn't spend 64 cents for the American Short Stories book on Google Books, I would have gone for the monthly pass on The Walking Dead Identities app. In that way, coincidences worked for me. TWD Identities might reopen again in a normal program. Strange that the test was called the Beta test and Beta was the default name assigned to new players. I stayed with that name since I wasn't into thinking of a new name for myself on the app. Beta is the name of an antagonist on the TV series. He was one of the Whisperers. 

My Wicked EVAC headphones died yesterday. One of the ears of the headphone plays no sound. That's what happened with my last pair of EVAC headphones bought in 2015. Wicked Chill headphones generally last from 5 to 7 months then one of the ears on that headphone cuts out too. These are poorly made headphones. The sound is great, I once described it as DNA changing and in a good way but the ears on that headphone always always cut out. These Wicked headphones are not for outdoor use with a Walkman. They are only good for indoor use. I've had Sony headphones for about a year or two and they still work perfectly. They are the $60 Sony headphones and they are very durable made and reliable. The only thing is the Sony headphones fall off the head while doing parkour. The Wicked headphones always stayed on the head while doing parkour. I need headphones that don't break after only a few months, sound good and stay on the head while doing parkour. I was thinking of going for another pair of Wicked Chills on Amazon but in a few months, they will break again with the sound no longer coming from one ear of the headphones. 

Dollarama sells some fine headphones for $4. These headphones fit well on the head and don't fall off and the sound is good. Good bass. 

I had these other pair of green headphones. That and certain speakers will drain the Walkman mp3 player battery instantly. I didn't know that and was going to waste money getting another mp3 player a few weeks later. For some crazy reason, most good speakers and some headphones will drain the battery on the mp3 player instantly. The Dollarama headphones, Sony headphones and Wicked headphones are fine. Problem solved. 

You don't need to spend big money on headphones. Go to the Dollar Store or Dollarama which usually has good headphones for about five bucks. 

Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Last night I watched a movie called The Fanatic starring John Travolta. It was riveting. Once the movie started, I could not look away. The movie is about a crazy dopey retarded guy named Moose who is a fan of a movie star named Hunter Dunbar. Moose collects movie memorabilia of Hunter Dunbar. Then he goes to Hunter Dunbar's house and basically stalks him. The ending of the movie is over the top as the stalking is taken to a new level. Moose's friend, a young lady named Leah said, "Moose didn't just cross the line. He fucking nuked it." Moose is most likely autistic to some level. The movie showed that one doesn't have to be perfect to go through life. Just look at Moose. Allow yourself to be a little bit crazy, but not as crazy as Moose, obviously. Moose starts off with collecting movie memorabilia. Then he goes to book signings where Hunter Dunbar is signing books. Then Moose uses the Star Finder app which Leah taught him to use and Moose actually goes to visit Hunter Dunbar at his house. Then it gets worse. The movie did cause me to have anxiety at some points where I had to remind myself that a movie is just pretend. 

Today is a blank slate. I don't know what to do. Visit Heather, go to Sidney BC, watch Andor, go and vote in the advance poll of the election, but since City Hall sent me an election registration letter which had my old name before I changed it, I don't know if I want to go and vote. I sent City Hall an email saying that I wouldn't vote because of that. If not, maybe I would have voted. Joyce Meyer said, whether you tell someone that you are going to do something or not do it, follow through. My old name reflects my parents personality. The name I chose for myself reflects my personality and what I'm into. A person has a right to be called whatever name they wish to be called. A Doonesbury cartoon said, "He changed his name to A Man Who Was Once Called Norman." 

Prince changed his name to The Man Formerly Known as Prince, then Prince changed his name to a cryptic arcane looking Egyptian symbol. Then he died of a fentanyl overdose. 

I don't really feel like going to Sidney. I'll only go there if I really feel like going. I only somewhat moderately feel like going. I've cancelled quite a few trips to Sidney because I didn't feel like going that day. Sidney should have their new movie theatre running before the end of October. The website said mid-October but I have my doubts. Construction projects are notorious for running overtime. Better to have it run overtime and make sure everything is working right than to rush the job.

I won't vote in the election. Just forget it. Although one of the issues of the election is housing which is something that should interest everyone. 

A person typically goes through a U curve in life. Lots of people talked about this including Pastor Joel Osteen. A person is pretty happy at 20 then until they are about 45 - 55, they get less happy. Then after hitting the bottom of the pit, they get happier and what's more, at age 80, a person is even happier than they were at 20. I reached the bottom of my pit last year. I feel quite a bit happier and calmer this year than I did last year. I expect to feel even happier and calmer next year. 

Today, I visited Heather. We went to Burger King and then we went to the grounds of City Hall. There was a big lineup for the advance polling for the election for the City. 

Then I went to Nubo Japanese restaurant. I ordered a California roll made with real crab instead of imitation crab. It cost $14 plus taxes and tip that came to $18 which is extremely pricey for one sushi roll. Then I got a scallop roll for $10 including taxes and tip. I won't be doing that again for awhile. That wipes out my budget completely. I got the real crab California roll because Jean Claude Van Couver visited Tojo's restaurant across the street from the former Bow Mac on Broadway and Jean Claude Van Couver got a California roll made with real crab so I wanted to imitate him. Just like I imitated him when I visited Jericho Hostel in Vancouver. Food prices are expensive, so expensive I often think about suicide, not literally but figuratively. I don't think I can cope and manage life for the next 20 - 30 years because of the increasing prices. I am terrified of the future. 

Well, one day, after the pecuniary shock wears off I will have a pleasant memory of once having had a California roll made with real crab and a scallop roll too. 

I overcame my anxiety of going to Nubo restaurant. It seems like an upscale gourmet restaurant but it's also almost next to where Heather lives so I had anxiety that going to the restaurant would bring overwhelming memories and images of pushing Heather's wheelchair, basically memories of a wheelchair. Exposure therapy. I exposed myself to my fears in order to lessen it. 

I might go to Nubo restaurant again one day in a few months to order a miso soup and also one cheap sushi roll. A cheap sushi roll is $7 a pricey souped up sushi roll is about $14 - $17. Food is expensive, isn't it? 

One video in YouTube shows someone who ordered a $150,000 pizza. That would give most people an major industrial level anxiety disorder for life. A YouTuber called SteveCanDoIt often spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on gifts for different people. How can he do that without getting an anxiety disorder? Plus he swigs whiskey too. Maybe because he is young. Young people often have less anxiety due to relative lack of experience compared to older people. Old age can bring anxiety. Fear of the future. Fear of future infirmities which are the attendant evils of old age. And fear of death. What if heaven is not real? Heaven is a concept man invented to help them get over a fear of death and entire money making industries benefit from pushing the concept of heaven. I think the afterlife in its own way Wil be just as chaotic and problem ridden as Earthly life. Issues will appear. Reincarnation is scary. Choose not to do it. Reincarnation means guaranteed anxiety and growing old and fear and one day, death. Don't reincarnate. Turn down all offers and notions of reincarnation when you're in the afterlife. 

I wrote Joyce Meyer Ministries a prayer request. I wrote that I have anxiety and a crisis of faith. I often doubt that God is helping me. And I doubt if there is really heaven. I also sent a prayer request for Heather so she can be healed and so she can walk again. I told JMM that I am 52 years old. I got a reply:

I used temp mail because I don't want future spam. I already have enough spam in my junk email box which looks terrifying. Any one of those spam emails can be ransom ware or scammers that Scammer Revolt and Scammer Payback deals with. They look legitimate but they are all highly dangerous spam messages. 

That's why I fear the future. Today was once the future and the future has come to this, endless scary spam in the junk email box. 

And also outrageously expensive food prices. In the 50s you could get a steak dinner for 45 cents when wages were 35 cents an hour. When steak dinners were more than $2 in the 70s when wages were $1.75 an hour that must have seemed outrageous to people who lived in the 50s. One day in the future, steak dinners will be over $100 but then at that time wages will be $50 an hour. 

Food prices are pro-rated to wages. Wages today are $15 an hour and that's bottom of the ladder minimum wage. $17 an hour wages are very common today. At that rate, a $30 sushi lunch isn't that expensive. 

At one time, welfare was $100 a month but rents were $40 a month. Today, people on welfare can get $1,000 a month but rents at rooming houses range from $400 - $550 a month. In some cases rents at rooming houses are more but that would be outrageous and prone to make people think of suicide. 

Think of a dollar as a baht. Why does $30 dollars for two rolls of sushi sound expensive yet 30 baht for two rolls of sushi doesn't sound expensive? Well, actually the exchange rate is about 27 baht for one Canadian dollar. And meals in Thailand are usually about 25 baht for a meal at a food stall and a good meal it is with good portions. 

Thailand has a better economy. People have more purchasing power. For a worker who isn't rich, prorated to Canadian dollars, wages are about $4 or 100 baht a day. They work 6 days a week so $4 x 6 days a week x 4 weeks a month is $96 a month. Rent is commonly $40 a month and meals are about 80 cents a meal, and bus fare is about 15 cents. Rent is less than half their monthly take home pay and meals at restaurants and bus fare is cheap. Meals from food bought at grocery stores would be even cheaper. 

In Canada, rents are often two-thirds of monthly wages and meals at restaurants are very expensive. Canada does have a social safety net such as welfare and old age pension which Thailand does not have. In Thailand, one can get free meals at a Buddhist temple. 

Canada has capitalism with a socialist safety net. Thailand has capitalism with a capitalist safety net. The capitalist safety net in Thailand is people can sell things from their houses like set up a noodle stall without needing to pay for a business license. This model exists in all countries in Southeast Asia. 

Canada has great deals in transportation equal to Thailand. Its very cheap to travel in Thailand. But here in Victoria BC, one can ride from downtown Victoria to Schwartz Bay, about a one hour ride or more, and then ride back plus take a few more bus trips all for a $5 bus pass for the day. And it's on a double decker air conditioned bus. Air conditioned bus, rott air. 

In Vancouver, with an $11 a day compass card you can ride from Tsawwassen to downtown Vancouver including riding on the Skytrain plus riding the Seabus to Lonsdale Quay and back, ride the bus to UBC and then back to downtown and then ride all the way back to Tsawwassen all for $11. That's a great deal. 

Thailand buses don't have transfers. A ride on a regular bus was, when I was there in 2003, was 3.5 baht oor else 15 cents. A ride on an air-conditioned bus was 10 baht or 40 cents. A ride on a micro bus or micro air conditioned bus was 20 baht or 80 cents. And the bus had no transfers or day passes. One might need to ride at least two buses to get to their destination. Bangkok Thailand doesn't have the seabus. What it does have is the klong boats. One paid according the distance. The farther you had to go, the more you had to pay but even then, rides were typically less than $1 Canadian. I remember Thailand. It is a great and beautiful country. The people in Thailand are strong. I didn't see anyone who suffered from an anxiety disorder that I currently suffer from. 

With a rooming house, there is only one room to keep clean. I was always depressed at only having lived at rooming houses all my adult life. But houses have much more rooms to clean. And houses have to be painted inside and out once every ten years. And they have lawns to be mowed otherwise there are weeds that grow knee high or higher. Horse tails, cat tales, dandelions, rhododendrons, those weeds suck the nutrients out of the grass of lawns and need to be mowed and even weeded. If a weeding towel won't work because weeds have runner type roots, then you need weeding chemicals. Often people who rented or owned houses when houses were very affordable were drunks, high school drop out blue collar workers and they neglected painting and cleaning and mowing the lawn and weeding their properties and houses fell into urban blight. That was the problem in Vancouver until the 80s when it seemed only rich international speculators were able to afford houses. These tended to be on average more highly educated and richer people who could afford to pay people to upkeep their houses. You hardly ever see lawns anymore that are full of allergy inducing weeds that are waist high. 

Living in a rooming house hotel apartment, I don't have to worry about mowing the lawn and weeding the yard. 

Today, I had anxiety from 4 pm to about 9 pm. I drank Restful Sleep tea and felt better. At one point I thought that the anxiety was going to kill me. I feel better now. I asked Joyce Meyer Ministries to pray for me about my anxiety. 

Thursday, October 6, 2022

I visited Heather this morning. She gave me two t-shirts that she didn't want anymore. Woke up with no fear and  no anxiety. Whoever was praying for me about my fear and anxiety. It worked. Today, anyways. I had anxiety for 3 hours last night. But it soon enough went away. 

I still worry about the future. I saw a YouTube video this morning about a walk on Robson Street in downtown Vancouver. I saw the banner that read, "It's Going To Be OK". That was a reassuring sight. 

I often don't know if it's going to be OK. If I were to all of a sudden get a lot of money, that would be cancelled out by the fact that I'm old. It's better to get money when you're young. Of course at any age, even at age 28, one thinks that they're old. 21 is the perfect age but then at 21, one can wonder if they'll make it to age 30. This pattern of thought is pervasive at any age. As it is, I wonder if I'll make it to 60. I might make it to 70 but I highly doubt that I'd make it to 80. I always thought that I'd die at around 70. The human body is like a battery and batteries have an expected life of battery charge. The battery charge has an average age of running out. Most pets die at an average age. If one has 10 pets, 8 will live an average age, 1 will die sooner and 1 will live longer than an expected average age. Humans are like that. People in Shakespeare's time usually didn't live much past 50. That kind of thinking is hardwired into genetic memory. Most people in Shakespeare's time usually died of a tooth abscess. I had a tooth abscess 3 years ago. That would have been the end of me if this was Shakespeare's time. 

The heart shaped potato chip dropped and the ground and broke to pieces. 

Friday, October 7, 2022

Woke up at 4 am. It is about 5 am now. Insomnia. 

I have to be optimistic and see the good things in life. Thank God for the gift of life. It's a nice day and I live in a good city. I have a few luxuries like a big screen TV, tablets, blu ray player and the internet. That's a good life. I have my health. I have to hang on and see how the future unfolds. No one can predict the future. 

I visited Heather today. 

Then I walked along the seashore then Empress Hotel and then RBCM then home.

I worked on my cartoon for Debbie Hellion and the Apocalypse.

Saturday, October 8, 2022

I visited Heather again today. She gave me a waffle. Then I went to Fairway. Then I visited Heather again. We went to City Hall grounds. 

I went to Craigdarroch Castle this afternoon. I was mainly looking at Craigmyle Manor Hotel which is just a nice a building as Craigdarroch Castle. In my opinion, Craigmyle Manor Hotel is warm. Craigdarroch Castle is cold. 

I drew a couple of pictures of the downtown Eastside that I'm going to use in my cartoon for Debbie Hellion and the Apocalypse.

These are the pictures of Vancouver's downtown Eastside that I drew in the last couple of days. Drawing cars is difficult. It has always been difficult for me to draw cars. This drawing is incomplete without cars and people. This is what Vancouver might look like for a person who has an out of body experience. Not even in the worst days of the Covid pandemic has the downtown Eastside been this empty. Even in the height of the pandemic there were always lots of people hustling and bustling about in the downtown Eastside. 

I might move back to Vancouver. Vancouver is a dynamic well developed infrastructure city with lots to do. If I could live in a nice neighborhood, I'd move back to Vancouver. That seems impossible. The only affordable option is to live in the downtown Eastside. As long as one doesn't live directly on ground zero which is one of the rooming houses on Hastings Street and tent city. There are lots of rooming houses off Hastings Street. I've given up on moving back to Vancouver. It doesn't look likely that I'd live anywhere other than the downtown Eastside. I guess if one is genuinely suicidal, Hastings Street has lots of heroin and fentanyl which is easily available. But I am not suicidal. I have to live because to honour life is to honour God. There is a God. Don't believe that there isn't a God otherwise when you die, you'll be in for a big surprise. 

I won't get an inheritance. My family situation is too messed up. Besides, I've never been there for my parents in their old age so why should I get an inheritance? One who gets an inheritance should rightly be there for their parents in their old age. 

Why depend on parents for an inheritance? Lots of celebrities instead of depending on their parents for an inheritance provided for their parents. But in some cases that was a train wreck. Walt Disney bought a house for his parents. Only for the radiator to leak and the gas from the radiator killed his parents. Elvis bought a pink cadillac and a house for his mother and all the booze she could drink and she died of chronic alcoholism or else cirrhosis of the liver. 

Jim Carrey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.”

So getting really rich isn't the answer either. Elvis once said that his life was hell. He performed for a lot of people but a lot of nights he sat in his hotel room alone. To be depressed when poor is one thing. A poor person could think that maybe when they get a lot of money, things will be better. But a rich person if depressed has nowhere to turn to. How rich are we talking about? If a billionaire was depressed, another million won't do much. Even a billionaire might see that all friendships are traps. YouTube videos have caused people to be suspicious of and to separate from one another. Videos with titles like It's Better To Be Alone and a lot of the friends that you have are narcissists. Before YouTube, I never heard of narcissistic personality disorder. 

There are no solutions even for a billionaire. If one travels often, a rolling stone gathers no moss. One never accumulates any friendships. If one stays in a town, eventually that town feels like a trap as what was once an escape is now a trap. All friendships in that town are either narcissistic or exploitative in some way and there are a lot of delinquents and bonkers people in any town. 

Andor. An-bore. Someone on YouTube said that the formula for Andor is for two episodes there's nothing but talking heads and dialogue and mindless drama, then on the third episode, there is action sequences. There are 12 episodes planned for the first season of Andor. Wade through two episodes of dialogue and talking heads then see one episode of drama and laser fire and explosions. Sitting through an episode of no action and just talking heads causes anxiety. If I wanted to see that, I'd watch a Soap Opera like Days of Our Lives. Disney has more Star Wars TV shows coming up like Tales of the Jedi which is an animated series, Skeleton Crew, The Mandalorian Season 3 and Ashoka. Franchise fatigue or what? 

There's a few apps called Find the Differences. Find the Differences. Yeah, Find My Cock In Your Mother's Vagina. 

It's baffling that I could be bored. I have a big screen TV that you would have to have won the lottery to get in the 90s. I have internet and YouTube and tablets. And not the early days of YouTube where there were comparatively hardly any videos. YouTube has literally billions of videos. My tablets with apps have a much bigger screen than Nintendo DS and Sony PSP and the games are modern and free. No more going to a video store and paying money for the latest Nintendo DS or Sony PSP game. 

If I'm bored, I should try living in the 50s where the only entertainment was a small black and white television with three channels that only ran from 7 am to 10 pm. No VCRs. Or else the only entertainment was to read a paperback novel or listen to the radio and music in the 50s was awful. Unless you liked big band jazz. That's not too bad. Music didn't really get good until the late 60s. 

There were no tent cities full of junkies on the streets of Vancouver in the 50s. But what there was were a lot of alcoholics. Hard core alcoholics. People in their 20s would drink a bottle of whiskey everyday and they were on the streets. Rough alcoholic young hooligans wearing black leather jackets with oiled up and combed hair. Lots of young ladies were alcoholics in the 50s too. Tattoos were common but usually two or three tattoos was considered extreme. You didn't see as much tattoos on people then as today. A person today could have a few dozen tattoos on them and that would be normal. A lot of people today collect tattoos like some people would collect baseball cards and they'd always want to add on to their collection. I don't wear tattoos. My father said that tattoos were bad. Tattoos are painful, expensive and require a commitment. I couldn't be committed to spending life looking at the same picture over and over again for life. If one wanted something painful and expensive and required commitment, why not get married instead? 

Former Mayor of Vancouver, Tom Campbell. 

Ironically when house prices were less and there asnt as much Provincial revenue, there were mental institutions like Riverview and Essondale. Now that there is the jacked up house prices and Provincial revenue is more, there is correspondingly less mental institutions. There is a mental institution in Victoria called the Eric Martin Pavilion. Civil rights groups protested the treatment of patients from staff such as sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. 

The tent city in Vancouver violate a whole raft of laws such as obstruction, disturbance of the peace, public disorder, vagrancy, possession of stolen property with bike parts everywhere, its an open air chop shop and very obvious to anyone who looks and prolific profound hard drugs possession. Yet they are not being arrested. They are allowed to flourish el flagrante delicto. There is a Mayoral candidate in Vancouver named Fred Harding who used to be a Police Officer. He could make a difference. 

If that tent city on Hastings just a couple of blocks away from the Police Station can go on for months with overt obvious acute mental illness and criminality, how seriously can you take the Police? Of course I take the Police seriously. One step out of line and I or anyone else can be busted. 

I heard of the laissez faire economy but this is ridiculous. Laissez faire economy is from Adam Smith, Wealth of Nations. 

The tent city represents a breakdown between at least two branches of government being the Executive, the Legislative and the Judicial. Most likely it's the between the executive and the judicial. 

Tom Campbell aka Tom Terrific, the old Mayor of Vancouver was pretty good. Mayor Tom Campbell was the head of the Vancouver Police board. His policies broke up the Saturday August 7, 1971 Gastown Riots. It started as a sit in of pot smokers. Then the RCMP mounted squad ordered the hippies to disperse which was ignored. The following day on Sunday the RCMP squad hit protestors and spectators with Police batons and the Gastown Riot was over.*

The Gastown Riot resulted in many innocent people who were just out for a walk getting hit with the Police riot sticks. These riot sticks weren't the run of the mill Police truncheons. One person got all their front teeth knocked out. This cost Mayor Tom Campbell the next election. 

*source: The Vancouver Gastown Riot and Aftermath. Marques Vickers. YouTube 

In the summer of 1970, hippies occupied the Jericho Hostel. The Mayor gave them 20 days until October 2, where the hippies could stay at Jericho Hostel. 400 hippies occupied the old military barracks that is Jericho Hostel. October 15, the hippies were still there and Mayor Tom Campbell had enough. He ordered 250 Vancouver Police Officers and 150 RCMP Officers to evict and break up the hippie movement there. The result from the riot squad enforcement was broken bones, a miscarriage and a dead dog. 8 hippies were charged with inciting a riot.*

*source: Jericho Hostel. Jean Claude Van Couver. YouTube 

Mayor Tom Campbell wanted a highway through Vancouver and this would have involved demolishing the Carnegie Library which is now a Community Centre. There were city wide protests so this didn't happen. 

Tom Campbell turned an area of Stanley Park at Georgia and Denman from the hippie squatters All Seasons Park to Devonian Park. 

Mayor Tom Campbell stepped down from being Mayor in 1972. He was born in 1927 and he died in 2012. He was a member of the Queen's Council QC. 

Mayor Tom Campbell of Vancouver. 

Things are sure different today. According to the YouTube video Vancouver Is Dying, Mayor Kennedy Stewart's approach is a hands off approach towards the Police. Mayor Kennedy Stewart is the opposite of Mayor Tom Campbell. He was for Police de-funding and refused a $6 million funding to Vancouver Police which the Provincial Government of BC restored. Thus the tent city remains. If Tom Campbell were the Mayor of Vancouver today, those tent cities on Hastings wouldn't have been there for long. 

20 years ago there was the Cops Bad Boys bad boys whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you culture. Again protestors decried that it was a Police State and nowadays people video record the Police in their cell phones and maybe this has discouraged the Police from making arrests of tent city people. 

There is a video on YouTube from uploaded Aaron Gunn called Vancouver Is Dying which gets into the politics of Vancouver current problems. It gets into the politics or lack thereof between the Mayor and the Vancouver Police Department. 

What difference does writing this make? No one reads my blog anyways. 

Sunday, October 9, 2022

I went to Church twice. Once in the morning at the Presbyterian Church and once in the afternoon at the Anglican Church. I didn't get the Sunday vibes as much as usual. Some Sundays I get it really strong. 

I spent the rest of the day working on the cartoon for Debbie Hellion. She probably hasn't seen it yet because she hasn't commented. 

At age 50, sex is over for most men. The really nice looking ladies in their 20s are young enough to be their daughters and the women their age aren't as appealing. A lot of older women look leathery and hawkish and are slightly burned out as any person can be in their 50s. 

I have a mental problem. There are ladies in their 90s whom I felt attracted to and that's just wrong. I have heard of a case where a 95 year old man had a baby with a woman in her 20s. Anyways my mind and my life is a mess. I wonder how and why I'm still alive. 

"Im not going to lie but I kind of have a thing for those old bitches 98 years plus. That is, kind of...." BrodieTV 

Monday, October 10, 2022

Today I went to the soup line at the Catholic Church. A young lady in the line up said, "If you don't move it, you're gonna get the shit kicked out of you!" She could have been yelling at someone else but when I looked at her, she looked right at me. She was tall, had blue colored hair and looked like a drug addict on hard drugs. I was worried about her. Maybe she's an undercover cop. She is tall and undercover cops can look like druggies to blend in. 

I have heard the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. The other day I wondered if Trudeau's euthanasia program would euthanize me for mental illness. A voice within said, "You are one of the special chosen ones. Nothing will happen to you." I then worried about dying of old age one day. And then the voice said, "God will be with you at that time."

I worried about the young lady yelling, "You're gonna get the shit kicked out of you!" Then the voice said, "You got through it. You made it through. It was pretty smooth." That voice is your own voice when you are calm. 

Luke asked Yoda how he would know when the Force was speaking to him, and Yoda said, "When your mind is calm, passive." 

I visited Heather this morning. We went to 7-11. It was a bit stressful. She had difficulty deciding on what to get. One of the Slurpee machine nozzles dispensed only liquid not slush. There was a lineup. Heather bumped into an orange plastic shelf to avoid a person on a disability scooter in the line up. As I moved that shelf out of the way, a lady said, "Careful. My stuff is there." Her coffee and a sandwich was there. I was lucky the coffee didn't spill. I moved the shelf back and the lady got her things. The debit card reader didn't fully regiater the first time so Heather had to ring in the transaction again. Stressful. Stressful. 

So you see why I always worry about the future. Is the rest of my life to be like this? 

I told someone at Church that I think I'll die at around 70. She said, "Don't think like that. If you think something, it might come true."

Well, this morning I put on my mp3 player. I forgot to turn it off the last time I used it. As I put on my mp3 player, the song Send Me An Angel was on. That is a good omen, I thought. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

I woke up today with lots of fear and worry. I thank God for the gift of life and I thank God for the gift of this day. Still, I couldn't think of anyone in my life at all who I didn't worry about. I thought that they were secretly dark and sinister people with a motive. Even people at Church were not who they seemed and I worried about life itself. Life terrifies me. Every bit of life scares me. I thought of all my friends who seem like traps. Heather, I worry will never walk again and she might die in a couple of years given her health problems. That scares me. I am trapped into helping her indefinitely. I go to her place and I do chores for her that she isn't able to do for herself. I worry about Debbie Hellion, my friend from Vancouver who is on YouTube, although I never met her personally. The name, Debbie-Hell slide them together and it sounds like Devil. That worries me. The cartoon I am doing for her. I may be in over my head. My cartoons scare me because they are a little bit crazy although I enjoy making the cartoons. 

Often when you do a cartoon or write a book about a subject, you attract people of that subject. One classic example is when Mario Puzo wrote the Godfather, he then inexplicably met a lot of people who corresponded to the subject of his book. I am doing a cartoon about the downtown Eastside and so maybe that's why I saw the lady yesterday who said, "You're gonna get the shit kicked out of you!" She seemed like a meth addict or something like that. I sense that she had a rough past and might have a bit of a rough future if she talks to a lot of people like that. People work in patterns. I hope that things turn out well for her and she finds help. I hope she has a good future. 

In times like these I always remember how most movies teach that good is more powerful than evil. There is a few banners in Vancouver that reads It's Going To Be OK. A lot of life is scary but only in our minds because we imagine it so. Sadghuru said that much of worry comes from memory and imagination. Debbie Hellion wrote to me and said that worry is a sin. She used to worry a lot. I agree. Worry is a sin just like envy or jealousy is a sin. 

People in the 50s, 60s, 70s, worried no less than people worry today. Yet people made it through those decades. There were edgy moments here and there, but overall, they made it. 

People who graduate from University have uncertainty about the future yet decades later, they find that they somehow more or less made it through. And a lot of life turned out better than they expected. 

Worry can be part of a survival mechanism which protects us but too much worry can take over life and rob life of its enjoyment. Life is meant to be a challenge but it is also an adventure and a learning experience. About 95% of things worried about never happen or if they happen, they are brief and you somehow make it through smoothly. 

Sometimes through courtesy, one has to leave a friendship if it means a situation that they don't want. Nobody owes anybody a lifelong friendship. 

I wonder how I'll make it through the day. Probably go on a walk and then work on the cartoon a little bit. Then tomorrow it's another blank slate of boredom and most likely fear and worry. I wonder if I'll ever get over the fear. Will I be afraid for the rest of my life which I think is only about 20 or so years more. I think people on the average die at around 70. A battery only has so much charge and it runs out at around 70 on average. This is coming from someone without any kind of medical degree so I'm not sure what happens. 

I had yet another crazy dream last night. What were the chances of that? However dreams don't scare me anymore like they did last year. There is a lightness of being in dreams. Then one wakes up. I think of the words of the song, Fool If You Think It's Over, etc. It's a win win situation. Dreams have the lightness of being. Waking life has access to mp3 players and music and YouTube videos, etc. I only worry that once I die and am in the afterlife, I will no longer have access to mp3 players and music. The afterlife has a different set of physics. More holographic, more teleportational. However music is a means to an ends and that ends is bliss. In the afterlife one automatically feels that bliss all the time. However I  am  not sure if I will go to heaven or if heaven even exists for humans. God would live in heaven. But as a human, I might go to some purgatory or limbo very much like where I go to in my dreams. A purgatory where there are no absolutes just like in life. There is no absolute good or absolute evil but a mixture of the two forces which, are really one force. Who knows? 

Churches are an industry built on the Universal fear of the unknown. The fear of death. But there are so many Churches and a Priest wouldn't be a Priest if he didn't have faith. He simply wouldn't do that job if he didn't believe in what he is doing. And there are so many hundreds of thousands of Priests in this World. 

I don't know if God is with everyone. What about all those people who died in plane accidents? Was God with them? This makes me lose faith a little. 

The devil is a fallen angel. How could a fallen angel create a realm such as hell? God created hell. Manicheanism. God dispenses good as well as evil. God creates good to bring about more good. God also creates evil as a catalyst to create good. 

I have a small mole under the left side of my nose. The doctor at a local dermatological clinic said mole removal costs about $250 plus tax. I don't know if I could afford that. I talked to a couple of ladies. They said I don't need my mole removed and it's expensive. I'd need three moles removed actually. The moles aren't painful. The one under my nose is slightly painful only if I scratch it or rub it. In the old days of France people actually created fake moles on their face where there was none. It's called a beauty mark. Cindy Crawford has a mole on her face which is a beauty mark. Marilyn Monroe did too. 

I might move into a social housing unit. A health care nurse said she would look into it for me. Otherwise I'd be stuck in this SRO rooming house for life. I always worry about that. If I move into social housing, all these worries would be for nothing. Social housing is nice. Some social housing units have resident drug dealers and that's worrying. But they are also well staffed with desk clerks who are also security guards. This is uncertain. I don't know if I will move into social housing or not. At social housing, cable and telephone costs extra. In rooming houses, cable comes free with rent for the most part. Some do, some don't. 

Radio Sidney has a podcast called Seeing Dead People. One episode talked about Craigdarroch Castle. Craigdarroch in Scottish means Rock under Oak. Craig sounds like crag which is a Rocky cliff. Dar is the second syllable of under probably where the word under originates or else unter meaning under in German. Och sounds like Oak. 

The show says that Craigdarroch Castle is currently worth $400 million. I thought it was worth $30 million. Pastor Joel Osteen lives in a mansion worth $10 million and Pastor Joel's house is majorly big. 

Anyone who purchases Craigdarroch shouldn't or wouldn't renovate the interior to look modern. The only other option is to live in it as it is. But that's too old and spooky. It's a museum now that's open for tours. 

Other episodes of Seeing Dead People talk about how it was Marilyn Monroe's psychiatrist who did her in and another episode says that Amelia Earnhardt died on an island and was not captured by the Japanese. The show is structured around an interviewer narrator and a psychic who psychically finds out what happened to different people. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2022

I went to JJ Noodle house today. 

I visited Heather today. She wasn't at home at first but I was able to find her at a community centre. We went to Burger King. 

Asteroid Hunters. NASA knocked an asteroid called Dimorphos out of its orbit using a missile. Asteroids the video game or what? This is a first for human history. Will NASA be able to knock Apophis out of its orbit? 

Alex Jones was fined $985 million for spreading a conspiracy theory about the Sandy Hook massacre. Does Alex Jones even have $985 million? Does anyone? That's like squeezing blood from a stone. Good luck collecting. 

One shouldn't start crazy conspiracy theories. Lots of people spread conspiracy theories but always those that someone else started. 

On Friday October 21, 2022, Doug and the Slugs will be at Mary Winspear Centre in Sidney BC at 7:30 pm. There are only 12 tickets left at about $60 each. There is one song I really like Who Knows How To Make Love Stay. Chinatown Calculation and Too Bad are good songs too. I doubt I'd be going. I'd want to get a ticket there the night the concert is on and there is no chance at that. Plus $60 isn't cheap. It's not the kind of money I can fling here and there. There's that only one song I'd really want to hear and that song has an inimitable guitar solo. Guitar solos like that are almost never replicated at a live show such as the guitar solo in the Steely Dan song Kid Charlemagne. 

Well, the original lead singer for Doug and the Slugs, Doug Bennett died in September 2004 at the age of 52. So there's that. I'm age 52! 

Paula Cole will be at the Mary Winspear Centre in Sidney BC on Friday October 28. Lots of tickets left. She sang Where Have All The Cowboys Gone and I Don't Wanna Wait which is the theme song of the TV show Dawson's Creek. 

There is chronological age and there's biological age. People with progeria and ehlers-danlos syndrome look like they're age 60 at age 35. People who are really healthy look like they're age 35 at age 60. At 52, people told me I look a lot younger. 

Two Police Officers and a suspect died in a gunfight in the Toronto Ontario area. You'd think that at least one would survive. I guess there are two types of lethal injuries in gunfights. One is where they die instantly on the spot. The other is where one dies after some time delay. At least two people including the suspect had to have died of a time delayed lethality. The suspects name who died on the scene is named Doncaster. That's the name of a horse that Begbie was betting on in the movie Trainspotting! Final score Police - zero, Suspect - zero. 

RIP to the two slain Police Officers. This is the worst outcome in the career of a Police Officer. That's the risk that a Police Officer takes. Devastating. 

Thursday, October 13, 2022

I went to the beach at Dallas Road and also to Ogden Point. I saw a lady there who was on roller skates with a broom and she was sweeping. She was wearing these fur things on her legs. She is the most beautiful woman in Victoria BC. She makes every other lady in Victoria look just ordinary. I smiled at her but she didn't notice. She skated on. Even at my age I'm still shy with women. When I was younger I thought I'd get over my shyness one day but I never did. I am somewhat a little bit in love with the lady on roller skates. But what are the chances that she's single and less are the chances she'd go for someone like me. She has a really hot body. I was never really lucky with the really good looking  ladies and that's something I'll have to live with for life. I had a few girlfriends in my life but they weren't the really majorly model types of ladies. Just ladies who look all right. Sadhguru and Joyce Meyer said at different points, if you're single it's stressful and you're not happy. But if you get married it's also stressful and you're not happy. Singles notice the happy couples and couples notice the happy single people. The lady on roller skates looks older this year than last year. Well, people get older. I think that every guy on Dallas Road Beach who sees her wants to sweep with her. 

If you're not thankful for the things you have now, you won't be thankful for the things you want when you get them. I thank God for all that is in my life now. I thank God for Heather because she is very sweet and I call her beautiful lady all the time. I often think of other women but Heather is the lady I am with. I'm neither single nor am I in a serious relationship. It's all points on a curve and me and Heather are on a certain point on the curve. I do love Heather a lot. I love her like the flowers and the grass loves the sun and the rain. 

I don't know if my life will get better or can get better. After a certain age, it all falls apart and life won't get any better. I've seen it in a lot of people. I'm over 50. Can life get better for someone over 50? I still struggle with fear and anxiety daily. I hope this is just a phase and that one day I can forget my fear and anxiety. I have struggled with fear and anxiety before. Eventually I just forgot about it. 

Sidney BC Star Cinema said on their website starcinema.ca that the new cinema will be open in mid October. That's about now and no signs of opening on their website. I would think that they'd be gung-ho about announcing an exact grand opening day or even display Coming Attractions. Nope. I am disappointed. 

Friday, October 14, 2022

Woke up with a headache. I had a headache all last night too. I think it was from eating slightly stale or past the expiry date food. I took about 3 Tylenols, one every few hours adding up to 3. Tylenols burn the liver so I feel a bit weak. 

I thought of going to a Chinese restaurant to get beef and tomato fried rice. That fresh food has always cured my headaches but the price of it sends me into a bit of a panic attack. Food insecurity. Food is so expensive. If I spend too much money on food, at the end of the month, I'll be broke and then starve to death. 

Life is such a hassle. Worry about eating. In the afterlife as a spirit, a spirit doesn't have to eat. I feel fear all the time. And also sometimes I think it would be better if life just ended for me. I get headaches all the time now. Once every few days. Am I dying? 

This morning when I woke up at 5, I went to the window and saw a huge yellow truck. That reminds me of an angel! The timing. The truck has the words Non-Potable Water written on it. 

But on the street, I don't know if I should mention this, I saw a guy walking with a grey and and a lighter shade of grey hoody jacket and he had the hoody on. The weather is cold but the hoody on his jacket makes me think of a ghost of the dead. Is that a death omen? 

I had a slight burst, frisson of fear this morning wondering how I'm going to make it through the day. 

Headache gone. After eating a fresh rice meal from Presidents Choice I feel better. Often not eating enough so the stomach is still digesting a meal last eaten while ago or eating stałe unfresh foods can cause a headache. 

Saturday, October 15, 2022

I woke up scared. I decided to go to Sidney. As I was talking to my female panhandler friend, I felt a frisson of fear. Then the bus arrived. The buses are free today because of the election. I went to Sidney and back, on the bus, for free. That's an unbeatable deal. The only way that deal could be beaten is if I were paid to go to Sidney. 

It occurred to me on the way to Sidney that not all the yuppies were in their 20s and 30s. Some of the most intense yuppies were in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and  90s even. The 50s is a very yuppie age. Well, to be a yuppie, technically, you would have to be pulling down $100K a year, and that was in the 80s although it would still be acceptable now. Even though I'm not a yuppie, my mind could still embody the elegance of being a yuppie. Instead of the 50s being a very yuppie age, it can be a very elegant age. That gets one over the fear of being old. 

At Sidney, the Chinese restaurant I often go to was closed. I went to Centre for the Salish Sea. I saw the octopus. She was very active today. Then I walked to the pier. I saw a wedding party taking pictures.

I visited Save On Foods and got 1 piece of fried chicken and some fried rice to go. I'm on a budget. I went for the most inexpensive things.  Sidney is a town with lots of good vibes. 

Then I came home on the bus. 

I visited Heather for awhile this afternoon. I got her a cheddar croissant at Sidney. 

Me and Heather. May 21, 2022. 

I'm not voting in the Civic Election. I don't know the candidates, the Parties and what each candidate stands for and what each Party stands for. The Provincial and Federal are more clear. Liberal, Conservative, NDP, Green Party, are all National and Provincial household names, you more or less sort of know what they stand for. 

Federally in Canada, the Conservatives are Right Wing, The NDP are Left Wing and the Liberals are Left leaning Centrists and the Green Party is ultra Left Wing. 

Provincially in BC, The NDP are Left Wing and the Liberals are Right leaning Centrists and the Green Party is ultra Left Wing. There is no Right Wing Party in BC now. It used to be Social Credit, but they morphed into the Liberals of BC. 

But the Parties stopped fighting for different things in the 70s. Now whichever party you vote for, they're only interested in one thing which is fattening their pockets and having a go at the trough. 

The Civic election with its weird obscure political Parties that no one outside the City has ever heard of. In Vancouver, there's the COPE, not to be confused with CUPE. COPE stands for Civic Organization of Public Electors. CUPE is the union, Civic Union of Public Employees. And Vancouver has the NPA, the Non Partisan Association, if they are non partisan, what are they doing forming themselves into a political party. That name is an oxymoron. 

Victoria BC has the VIVA party. Is that a fringe Johnny Come Lately party or not? What do they stand for? 

With Civic elections, there are the political parties, but I am not sure where they stand, Right Wing, Left Wing or Centrist. I can't vote unless I know that and I just about never know. Too obscure and I never bother to do the research. I'm into other things like playing app on my tablet like Subway Surfters. 

You can often tell whether a political Party is Right or Left wing just looking at the candidates. Right wing candidates generally wear dark blue blazers. Left Wing candidates generally wear Grey or some other off color blazers.

Left Wing candidates will wear scarves and hand made jewelry. Right Wing candidates never wear scarves or hand made jewelry. Right Wing candidates have a traditional haircut. Left Wing candidates have non traditional haircuts. If any of the candidates is an ex-Police Officer, there's a good chance that political Party is Right Wing. 

I am too Right Wing to be a Leftist. I aspire to wealth and success although I never achieved it, perhaps disappointing my parents. And simultaneously I am too Left wing to be Right wing politically. I used to smoke pot all the time and once in a blue moon still do. I am an artist and I believe in social programs like welfare and easily accessible social housing and reasonably affordable rents. 

Handing an uninformed public such an awesome power as to vote for the next city council and Mayor is like handing a chimp a machine gun. Democracy doesn't work. At it's furthest extent, every CEO and boss of every government controlled company such as BC Liquor Store, ICBC, etc should be publicly elected. Shareholder election isn't good enough. It needs to be all people. Is that reasonable? 

Of course privately owned companies wouldn't be subject to public voting of their CEOs. 

At least before voting, there should be a very quick quiz. Each elector before voting gets a quiz of two random names, names of Mayoral candidates and names of two random candidates for city council and to write down in 20 words or less what they represent. You can answer, The candidate is left wing and for left wing values. That would do. A lot of voters don't even know that. 

Unlike me, a lot of voters have a dog in the fight. A lot of them own property and somewhat half ass know how voting for a candidate of this party or that party would affect their property values because they did the research. But of course politicians and political parties are notoriously for promising one thing during the election and simply not following through. 

All elections are rigged. Giving the hoi polloi, the Johnny lunch pails and the Mary housecoats such a portentous power as to decide who makes up city council and who is the next Mayor is like handing a machine gun to a chimpanzee. Elections simply give the illusion of choice just as culture gives the illusion that all things aren't happening all at once and that the passage of time is an illusion if time travel is time experienced on an objective level. 

A lot of third World countries and probably Russia too has a system of no elections. There are only political dynasties which means that man or else woman on the street has no chance of all of a sudden being a politician. The next leader is decided in an in-house in-camera vote consisting of very well informed Parliamentarians and political insiders. That's perhaps a better system. 

Democracies have their flaws, like people bringing in their friends to stay for the minimum three month residency or else fake their address and stacks the vote. Unlikely that the political beneficiary of the stacked vote would penalize the unorthodox procedure that got him or else her in power.

To say nothing of the fixing and refixing of political boundaries aka gerrymandering.

Sometimes a man is able to be on city council or else be the next Mayor and sometimes a woman is able to be on city council or else be the next Mayor. I don't care if a man or a woman wins as long as they can do the job. 

Three days ago, YouTube recommended Allan Holdsworth's Album Atavachron. That changed my life. Allan Holdsworth was on another level when it came to playing the guitar. He was from England. He always played according to musical scales. He died in 2017. 

Allan Holdsworth Metal Fatigue is an awesome album. The vocal tracks sound strange and atonal like a tuneless song at first, unlike most others in rock or jazz but once you get to know them, they are, well they take you to another World, even another Universe. You'll wonder how you lived so long without knowing this vocalist. The vocalist is Paul Williams who died in 2019. He sang on the albums i.o.u., Metal Fatigue and Road Games. 

Allan Holdsworth performed with Jean Luc Ponty on the albums Enigmatic Ocean, all the songs and on Individual Choice where he played on the songs Nostalgia and In Spite Of All. 

Allan Holdsworth played the guitar on a transcendent level. 

Every few months I discover new and incredible music like Michael Franks, Lee Ritenour and Dave Grusin live in Japan with the NY LA Dream Band in 1982. Allan Holdsworth albums Atavachron, Metal Fatigue, Wardenclyffe Tower and Road Games are great albums. Those are the only albums I listened to and know so far. 

YouTube doesn't pay me for my uploads but then YouTube recommends Allan Holdsworth Atavachron which is just as good if not better. Money could not buy the experience of listening to Allan Holdsworth music if you don't know about it. 

YouTube recommended Talking Parrot Loves the Camera from Tamara's Blue Chicken and also the video about the Kangaroo and the Wombat. 

In the past, YouTube recommended Douglas Bloch and Joel Osteen and watching their videos have been life changing for the better. TheJoel Osteen video that was recommended was Trusting When You Don't Understand. And the Douglas Bloch video YouTube recommended was Depression Lies To You About The Future. 

Atavachron is a time travelling device used on Star Trek. On the album cover, Allan Holdsworth is even dressed like a crew member of the USS Enterprise. 

The election is over. Marianne Alto won as Mayor in Victoria BC. 

Alto sax, tenor sax, soprano sax, baritone sax and anal sax. 

Lisa Helps the departing incumbent Mayor and Marianne Alto look and seem like lesbians. And Stephen Andrew the 2nd runner up who my landlord wanted to win is gay. Who cares? As long as they can do the job. Lisa Helps has a very fit body, though. 

Who cares? I want to move to Vancouver in 2025 at the latest. Perhaps 2024. 

Ken Sim won as Mayor in Vancouver. He is the first Chinese Mayor in Vancouver. An anagram of Ken Sim is Sink Me also Skin Me. 

Being Mayor isn't the glamor detail it was in the 50s. These days, a Mayor gets a lot of opprobrium and noises of disapproval on social media. The bigger the city, the more the disapproval. Small town Mayor don't get much disapproval. Not a lot of people know about them. 

Someone I used to work with as a dishwasher in a 4 or 5 star hotel became a city councilor. He was a Police Officer for many years on the VPD. During his tenure as a Police Officer, I wrote him an email saying that we wound up on opposite sides of the blue desk. He became a cop and I became a hippie. Hippie was the euphemistic term I used for being a drug addict specifically addicted to Marijuana. I also dabbled with other drugs throughout my life. I sent him the email before Marijuana was legalized. Brian Montague also has two daughters. He is very successful in life. He became a Police Officer, has two daughters, became a city councilor and with any luck, he might be Mayor of Vancouver one day. If he does, I'll write to him and ask him for a job or even help in finding a good place to live in Vancouver. However, in my own way, I am successful too. I never got married or became a Police Officer or was elected to public office, but I went to Thailand and lived there altogether for over a year. I learned Thai on Berlitz so I spoke Thai to people as soon as I got there. I hit the ground running. I am a cartoonist and I have a lot of views on YouTube, I have over half a million views so far. My cartoons are very artful. 

Also I am a scooter man. I can operate my scooter using one hand and I can twirl my scooter in confounding patterns. That's success. 

I never got married, but you know how it is with women, can't live without them, can't live with them. A wife is a glorified room mate. I never got along well with room mates. They used to steal my food from the fridge that I got from the grocery store. I met a lot of people, men and women who can't live with anyone. They can only live with themselves as that's their temperament. I am glad I never had children. The World is getting worse. There is tent cities due to the music being worse and the drugs being harder and more pernicious than a generation ago. There has been no rain in this city for 4 months. Global warming. This town I am in is in the Westcoast rainforest region. Some rainforest. To have children in a World that's clearly  getting worse is existentially counterproductive and counterefficient. Raising children leads to parental burnout. One has to protect their children from creeps. What if one is not a good protector? Not authoritative or intimidating enough? An ex Police Officer would be a good protector for his or else her children. I don't see myself as a good protector at all. I'm at the age, 52, that if I didn't have children already, there is not even a tacit social expectation nor moral expectation at all to have any. I'm off the hook. 

I did all right in life. 

I will miss Lisa Helps as Mayor. I believe that the whole town loves her. She was a great Mayor and will be missed. She might run for other branches of politics such as MLA or MP, even as Premier or Prime Minister. I'd vote for her! 

The beautiful Mayor Lisa Helps of Victoria BC. 

I might be able to move into subsidized housing. I don't know if I want to do it. I'd have to pay extra for things like cable and telephone and I don't want a telephone. I am used to living in an SRO rooming house where my television is in my bedroom. To have a television in a separate living room is undesirable to me. More room means more room to accumulate seless knick knacks, trinkets and clutter. Too much clutter can create an anxiety disorder. There are a few steps and hoops I have to jump through to move into subsidized social housing. I don't know if I want to do all that. 

Sunday, October 16, 2022

Wake up somewhat afraid of life. What were the chances of that? 

A nurse will help me find a social housing unit. She wants me to get some note from a doctor because the social housing unit is health based. I worry that I won't be able to do that. Either I can get that doctor's note or else I don't and I stay in this rooming house. Either way I win. I don't mind living in a rooming house. 

Life did me dirty. First my mother dies when I am an infant. Then I never get married. Then I wind up living in rooming houses all my adult life. I am a talented artist. A lot of people aren't talented and yet live in better places. I often wish that I had died in place of my mother. I would trade my life for hers. It seemed that she had a better grasp of life than I ever did. She was middle class successful. I was never successful like her. I often desperately want to see a sign from her. She doesn't appear often in my dreams at all. She only appeared once as far as I can remember. She appeared and didn't speak. She once spoke but didn't appear. When I was 50, I heard a hypnagogic voice that I somehow just knew was her. She said, "My child, so young and wonderful." I'm young at 50? What drugs is she smoking? At 50, a person is old. Old old old. 

I wouldn't want to be in my 20s again. Then one day, I'd have to face turning 50 again. Being in my 50s, get it over with. Get the 60s and 70s over with as well. One day I'm going to die. Get that over with too. Then I'll be in the cat-bird's seat. Life is a bewildering overwhelming fear inducing adventure. Too many things to think about. Too many details. Life is repetitious especially in a small town where a fishbowl existence is to be expected and guaranteed. 

Today, I went to Church twice. Then I visited Heather. I met up with her at the Community Centre. Then we went to Tim Hortons. I spent the rest of the day at home listening to Allan Holdsworth music. 

Monday, October 17, 2022

Those who are hung up on their age like yours truly would also be those who are hung up on labels. They have to get brand name designer things. A person at 52 doesn't feel that different than they were a few years earlier. A brand name item doesn't perform that much differently than something that isn't brand name. Form follows function. A person who is old, isn't much different inside, in their spirit, in their consciousness than someone who is young. 

The difference is largely cosmetic. It is similar to a town which for the longest time had a White man as a Mayor then all of a sudden has a female or a non White man or a non White woman as a Mayor. This Mayor will wind up being cooped by the globalists, George Soros and the WEF and nothing will wind up changing no matter what grandiose promises were made during the election. 

Since I quit caffeine, my anxiety has gone away greatly. Caffeine gives me anxiety something fierce. 

I still worry about the future. Just about every day has some edgy moment or another. Every day. Yet I make it through. I'd like to reach the point one day where I can stop worrying about the future. 

Today, I went to the grocery store and got some ground lamb and some salmon with fine white marbling. It would be really good for sashimi. I also went to another grocery store and got some shanghai bok choy. I went to the beach to have a look at the natural scenery. On the way back, I found a toy pump action gun that shoots out foam balls. I found some foam balls that went with it. 

Today I worked on the cartoon that I'm doing about Debbie Hellion and the Apocalypse. I don't know if she'll like it. It's my vision and there's no accounting for taste. 

Today's Global News report is the best I've seen in a long time if not ever. Every story was interesting and not one of them was depressing. Well, some stories were depressing. Someone got shot at the UBC golf course, I didn't know that UBC had a golf course and two people, a man and a woman were shot in a car in Burnaby. Are the shootings connected to the new Mayor? Maybe a gang is saying, "The new Mayor supports us, so out of what is now our turf." Who knows? It's none of my business and I'll never know. That's just spurious speculation.  

A Mayor can't be passive aggressive, non confrontational and a pushover. A Mayor has to be Machiavellian and to firmly confront a person and say "No." if he has to. 

I don't know if a person can worry about the future all the time and still be a Mayor. Probably not. 

The News said that the old Mayor of Surrey Doug McCallum supports the Surrey Police Force. The new Mayor Brenda Locke supports the RCMP. So either way, the old Mayor if elected would have the RCMP mad at him. The new Mayor wants to reinstate the RCMP in Surrey so would have the Surrey Police force mad at her. It's difficult and stressful enough to be a Mayor let alone to have a Police force angry at a Mayor. Like James Cromwell said in LA Confidential, "I wouldn't trade places with him for all the whisky in Ireland." 

I was able to see a Surrey Police car here in town when the Police had an event here in town about a month ago. That's a rare sight that I might not see ever again. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Much of the fear and anxiety have gone when waking up. Knock on wood. I look forward to the day. A good day is spent visiting the beach or the Castle, Craigdarroch Castle. In the afternoons I work on my cartoon although my cartoon is already half finished and I don't know when I'll do a cartoon after that. My cartoons have a low view count. I'm not a major YouTube star. I would have liked to make money off of them but making money often means lots of comments. With major YouTube stardom, the more you do, the more you have to do. If you're not a star like I'm not a star, the less you do, the less you have to do and I like it that way. 

God is so powerful and omniscient that He can create and regulate a Universe, perhaps mulitverses yet also hear the thoughts of even the tiniest insect and He can hear your thoughts too. God is not singular or multiple. God transcends singular and multiple. He can be singular and multiple simultaneously. I guess people can be that too if they are on television or on a podcast. They are singular people yet manifest multipley when they are on so many televisions or so many radios. 

People try to put God in a box that a person with 110 IQ can understand. God can not be put in a box. 

Today I visited Heather. We went shopping. 

Later in the afternoon, I visited Craigdarroch Castle.

I continued to work on and completed this drawing of the Carnegie Community Centre in Vancouver.

Tonight, a major alarm for me. For awhile my downloads and screenshots disappeared from my tablet. The albums simply weren't there in gallery. But after a few minutes they came back. 

On Wednesday, October 26, The Shining will be on at the University movie theatre. Cinecenta at UVIC. I'm thinking of going. I never seen The Shining on big screen. A few years ago, I put on the Shining on my then 40" big screen TV. I now have a 55" big screen TV. Anyways on that morning, I smoked some crack cocaine and watched the beginning of The Shining. That's a good way to see it! Soon enough, the predictable inevitable melancholy, despair, and profound paranoia enveloped me as the coming down phase of cocaine. Crack cocaine activates about 500 units of dopamine. That dopamine reaches its half life in a few minutes and becomes epinephrine which is the panic fight or flight chemical that the hypothalamus and the amygdala produces. I simply would not recommend and strongly advise anyone against doing cocaine. 

The Shining is a movie that must be seen on big screen at least once in life even if already seen about a hundred times on a regular television. 

Today an RCMP Officer was stabbed and died in Burnaby. It is senseless. She was a Chinese female RCMP Officer. She was stabbed at a park where there were some tents but it wasn't a tent city. Some jibhead meth head tweaker just tweaked out, freaked out and stabbed her over some bullshit disagreement. That tweaker is in a World of trouble to the level that the vast majority of people will not see in their whole life. Most people will see some trouble in life for sure, but not trouble on that level! I wish that never happened. That's why scientists should work on inventing a time machine. Go back in time and somehow prevent that from happening. But how many things would one want to prevent? What about prevent the Titanic from sinking somehow? Etc. Prevent JFK from getting shot? Just go back in time and say your from the future and have a tablet and show them videos about the Titanic sinking and also say, "You'll want to avoid that iceberg." But there's the grandfather paradox bootstrap theory. Now that you saved the Titanic from sinking, that will create an alternative timeline where in the future you will not go back in time to save the Titanic since it didn't sink. The events in time are locked more than something carved in stone. 

The suspect's name is Jong Wan Ham or Jong Ham. That sounds like Jonn Hamm, star of the TV series Mad Men. Mad Men indeed. 

On a Debbie Hellion video that she recorded from the News, an RCMP Official said, "She attended a call and paid the ultimate price. Debbie Hellion without missing a beat, immediately said, "She paid the ultimate price because there are no mental hospitals in British Columbia!"* She's right. 

*source: Burnaby Homeless Encampment Stabs Female RCMP Officer To Death. October 18. Debbie Hellion and the Apocalypse. YouTube 

Well, today I got a Police hat for a dollar at a Thrift Store. It could also be a security guard hat and a bus driver hat as well as they are similar. The hat doesn't have a badge. What can you expect for a dollar? That's why it could be a bus driver hat like on the old TV show On The Buses. 

Wednesday, October 19, 2022

The headphones Wicked Chill I ordered on Friday on Amazon from the pawn store arrived yesterday on Tuesday. One of the earphones didn't work. I took them back to the pawn store to see if I could get a refund. 

I went to the Dollar Store to get some caramel popcorn. The caramel and cheddar is better, that one is called Chicago style. 

Then I visited Heather. 

I went to the grocery store to get some beef for my noodles. On the way there, I ran into Suzie and her friend Carol. What a coincidence. Despite my resolution to avoid her, I ran to talk to her. Pulled in, hook line and sinker. I talked to her for a few minutes then I took off. I resolve not to visit her where she works anymore. I wish her the best, but I don't want to be a close friend to her. I should try to focus on what I like such as UBC and the day I spent there. I shouldn't focus on things I don't like such as the strange friendship with Suzie. Suzie is a good lady, I wish her the best but just the same, I don't want to visit her where she works. 

I went to visit Heather a second time as I promised to clip her toenails. I saw her on the street outside of her apartment. The timing was exquisite!

Today, in my rooming house hotel, as I was walking downstairs, I peeked behind the stair well and saw the coroner and a Police Officer plus a couple of workers. They pulled out a gurney with a dead body on it covered with a blue blanket. Someone in my hotel had died of old age. That was a grim sight to see. I didn't have to see it but from morbid curiosity, I stayed around to look. That was wretched. 

Thursday, October 20, 2022

I don't feel fear but I also don't feel optimistic and happy. I just feel numb. I reflected yesterday on seeing Suzie. I wouldn't care if I don't see her anymore. I didn't exactly want to see Suzie. She was just there. 

I also thought of seeing that dead body yesterday. Never a good thing to see. I wonder if it's a bad omen. Police Officers see that all the time and it's not a bad omen for them. Police Officers often live in a nice places, they are often married and they make a pretty good income. No bad omens there. 

Today is cloudy and it's expected to rain tomorrow. First rain in 3 months. 

There's construction workers outside of my room. My room window drops down to a roof one storey down. The construction workers are on that roof working on the building next to mine. They have been there for months. They often talk loud. Just my luck to have something like that. I wish they'd finish what they are doing and leave. I don't go to their place and work outside it, talking loudly all the while. Why do the forces of life have to dispense that to me? I guess me and all my neighbours who are living on the same side of the building as I am. They hear that too. 

I feel trepidation about the future. I think the future won't be too bad, but it won't be too good either. Just a dismal future that may or may not be worth living. The only other option is death but I fear death too. I don't know if I'll go to heaven. Religion teaches if you believe in Jesus, you'll go to heaven. I don't know about that. All religions teach that if you believe whatever beliefs they are peddling that you'll go to heaven. That and be a good person because bad people won't go to heaven even if they are religious. I don't know if I'll go to heaven. Heaven exists but only for God. People go to the weird place they go to in their dreams. 

I still can't quit smoking. I've asked God to help me to quit. Be careful what you wish for especially if God is involved. I might just quit one day! Please pray for me to quit smoking if you can or will. 

Tomorrow, David Eby NDP will be, appointed but not elected, Premier of BC.

David Eby was formerly Attorney General or top cop of BC. David Eby represents the enviable Point Grey riding. 

Eby means shrimp in Japanese. 

The ABC Party of Vancouver Mayor Ken Sims has ex Police Officer Brian Montague as a city councilor. With such law enforcement personalities on the political slate, will that make a difference in the tent city of the downtown Eastside and public safety in general? Let's hope so. 

Today, I visited Heather then I returned home and drew pictures of my dreams and also worked on the  cartoon I'm making for Debbie Hellion.

Friday, October 21, 2022

Today, I went to the Library to borrow some movie discs. Then I bought a new mouse to replace my old computer mouse which wasn't working too well. It took some time to install driver software for the mouse. I use Windows 7. It was taking awhile because the pop up said it was searching for Windows support. Microsoft stopped support for Windows 7 two years ago. I felt a twinge of anxiety. But finally it worked! Somehow it worked. It's a miracle. My new computer mouse works. 

I visited Chinatown today. Chinatown in Vancouver used to be better than the Chinatown here in Victoria, but the Chinatown in Vancouver is dying, Vancouver is Dying as the title of the Aaron Gunn video on YouTube suggests. Now the Chinatown in Victoria is better. Less graffiti, less junkies and layabouts here in Victoria. The Victoria Police run a tight ship. 

It is raining, drizzling for the first time in 3 months. That's good for the parched grass on lawns all over town. 

This week, I saw two movies, two days ago on Wednesday, I saw: 

News of the World: Tom Hanks movie. Set in the years following the US Civil War of 1860 - 1865, Tom Hanks travels from town to town to read the News from Newspapers. He's like the mid 1800s version of CNN. He meets a young girl who was raised by Kioke Natives. He escorts her back to her parents, but that was a bad scene so he adopts her himself. The movie had some very disturbing moments. Some cowboys chased Tom Hanks and the young girl, because those cowboys wanted to molest that young girl and probably kill her afterwards. Tom Hanks killed those cowboys but this makes me think twice about ever wanting to be a father to a daughter. There are lots of weirdos out there and what if I wasn't able to successfully defend a daughter despite my best efforts. I say a daughter instead of my daughter because I don't have a daughter and in all probability will not ever. That ship has sailed. So it's an a priori statement rather than an a posteriori statement. 

Holler: The movie is about a young girl who temporarily delays her college education to help her brother who has permanently delayed his college education, working in the scrap iron salvaging industry. Their mother is serving time in prison for drug possession, probably meth possession. The actor who is Dwight in The Walking Dead is Hank the boss in this movie. It's a good movie. 

Last night, I watched: The Woman In Black. Based off of the novel from Susan Hill, this movie is a great Halloween movie. Daniel Radcliffe, aka Harry Potter is the attorney who tries to sell the Eel Marsh estate. No one would go near it as the place is profoundly haunted. On a scale of 1 to 10, the place is a 25 at being haunted. The ghost of a woman whose son drowned in a swamp near the estate, hangs herself afterwards in a disconsolate frenzy and then she herself is a ghost, The Woman In Black. Any child that sees her kills themself and becomes a ghost and Daniel Radcliffe sees all their ghosts. The lady wants to revenge herself. Since her child was taken, she wants to take everyone else's child. 

Daniel Radcliffe is somehow able to dig the child of the woman of Eel Marsh estate, since she was upset that her child was never found and properly buried. But Daniel Radcliffe's son arrives in town and that son also sees the Woman in Black. What happens afterwards, well, you'll have to watch the movie to find out. This is the best ghost horror movie I've seen since The Others starring Nicole Kidman which is the best ghost horror movie that has ever been made in film history. 

Tonight I have a slight headache. I don't have fear or anxiety anymore. Yay. Just bored and slightly depressed, worried about the future. My room is full of too many things. I have to get rid of a lot of things. 

I'm watching Hope Street. It gives me fernweh, which is a nostalgia for a place I've never visited. 

My dream is to live at a place near UBC. Even Kitsilano would be acceptable. A nice place. This seems like an impossible dream. Pastor Joel Osteen said to pray bold prayers. Pray for the grandest thing you can. I hope that God can help me move to a nice place near UBC one day. 

I hope that the downtown eastside cleans up one day. The neighborhood seems to get worse and worse. Hopefully one day things get better. That neighborhood has always been a destination for the poor and also the drug addicted and the mentally ill. 

I hope I have a good future but I don't see how. God is there for everyone but it seems that from observation, not everyone has a good future. I've seen so many people with dismal futures. 

Today, PM Justin Trudeau declared that it is now illegal in Canada to buy, sell or transfer an handgun in Canada. That's the opposite of the 2nd Amendment in the United States. The Right to bear arms. 

William Burroughs said a couple of things about guns, he said, "Do you feel safe in a society where only the Police and military have guns?" and he also said, "Whenever there is a shooting, they want to take the guns away from the ones who didn't do the shooting."

Handguns might be needed in a home invasion. There is a YouTube video about a couple of thugs who rob a pizza store attacking a woman. The woman's son who was standing next to her shoots the thugs at near point blank range right then and there saving his mother's life. 

Perhaps the law should be that handguns should be illegal anywhere except one's own home to defend against a home invasion. That only works so well as Oscar Pistorius aka Blade Runner shot his girlfriend when he though he was undergoing a home invasion. Of course that's his defense. Who knows what was really going on.

As the old saying goes, Locked doors only keep honest people honest. Gangsters, etc are notorious scofflaws and laws do little to deter hardcore gangsters from owning guns as guns are de rigeur in the world of gangsterhood. The Saturday night special which can be gotten at a pool hall, for instance.

I myself never fired a gun in my life at age 52. Guns have quite a kickback or recoil such as a Glock 9 mm. The Police in London England don't carry guns. Or else they didn't use to, but perhaps do now as this World is getting crazier as time goes. 

Guns are illegal, swords are illegal, nunchuks are illegal and if they did exist, lightsabers would be illegal too. Maybe the government scientists already invented laser guns like Star Wars but that technology wouldn't be released to the public. A laser gun would cook a person's insides giving them a 4th degree burn within seconds. That would be an awful way to go. 

The laws specify handguns. It doesn't mention long guns. Perhaps the Conservatives once they get into power will repeal this law. One time, a man said to PM Stephen Harper, "Don't forget about the gun registry." PM Stephen Harper then said, "No....." 

I trust that PM Trudeau knows what he is doing. Always trust in the wisdom and the guidance of the government. That's the ideal anyways. The reality? Who knows. 

I found a pump action toy gun that shoots foam nerf balls. Of course a gun is any weapon that fires a projectile or ballistic at over 500 feet a second. If it's less than 500 fps, then it's probably an airgun but an airgun fired at close range can do a number on anyone. This is a picture of the type of gun that I found:

Saturday, October 22, 2022

I'm watching Global News again. The News isn't so bad now that there isn't daily News reports of another day of record breaking covid cases and stories of those who don't get vaccinated are dying but also those who are vaccinated are getting the disease too and in rare cases also dying. 

The News has local ads and the ads have a very warm and nostalgia inducing music and soft voices. It brings me back to the old days before covid and now things feel more normal again. 

I'm getting headaches all the time. A headache last night and a headache this morning. I wonder if I have a brain tumor. Otherwise when I eat fresh rice, the headache goes away. I smoke tobacco which I wish I could quit. Tobacco is a vasoconstrictor. Acetaminophen isn't a vasodilator, it's merely a blood thinner. The only vasodilator I know of is cannabis. I didn't use to have headaches this often. I hope the headaches go away soon. 

Headaches come from nociceptors which sense pain. When pain is detected, it releases arachadonic acids AA which bind to cyclooxygenase enzymes COX 1 and COX 2 which produces prostaglandin. Ibuprofen and aspirin blocks the COX 1 and COX 2 enzyme from producing prostaglandins. 

An enzyme is a protein that acts as a catalyst for accelerating chemical reactions. The chemical that goes into the enzyme is called a substrate. The resultant chemical that leaves the enzyme is called the product. In this case, the substrate is arachadonic acid or AA. The product in this case would be prostaglandin or PGG2 and PGH2. 

Cox1 is a constitutive enzyme which means it is produced whether one is healthy or sick. Cox2 is an inducible enzyme meaning it is produced under certain conditions such as when inflammation occurs. 

Aspirin or acetylsalicylic acid binds with a serine group site or amino acid group site near the COX enzyme forming an irreversible covalent bond blocking the arachadonic acid from reaching it thus stopping the COX enzymes from producing prostaglandin.*3.

The ancient Greeks used willow bark for headaches. Willow bark contains salicin in which was also caused bleeding in the stomach lining as COX 1 also keeps the stomach lining thick. A French chemist discovered that combining salicin with sodium and acteyl chloride, acetylsalicylic acid is produced. Bayer used this for aspirin pills. Acetylsalicylic acid chemical formal is C9H8O4. Think of Cho and 1984 as a mnemonic.*4

Prostaglandin is a group of hormones in the body which produce pain inflammation and fever as a response to pain. Prostaglandin also regulates the female menstrual cycle and protects the liver and intestines which is why taking too much NSAIDs can disregulate female menstrual cycles and cause damage to the intestines in a disease in children called Reye's syndrome. 

Cortisol stimulates the COX enzymes to produce more prostaglandin. 

Aspirin or acetylsalicylic acid stops the production of thromboxane which causes blood clotting which is why aspirin is a blood thinner. 

Acetaminophen blocks the COX 3 enzyme which is located in the brain. 

COX enzymes have two sites, one the arachadonic site and the other the peroxidase site which leads to the production of a tyrosine radical and it is this other site that acetaminophen binds with. 

Ibuprofen and aspirin are NSAIDs which stands for non steroidal anti inflammatory drugs. 

Acetaminophen or paracetamol or Tylenol is not an anti-inflammatory or is a non-NSAID. It has no risk of causing ulcers or intestinal bleeding but an overdose can cause liver damage. 

Sources: 

1. Occam's Answers. What's the difference between aspirin acetaminophen and ibuprofen. YouTube. 

2. Seeker. Ibuprofen vs acetaminophen: what's the difference? YouTube. 

3. acsh.org All The Chemistry You Never Wanted To Know About Heroin & More

4. Seeker. Is Aspirin Really That Good For You? YouTube. 

I was taking acetaminophen 500mg usually 1 but sometimes 2 at a time. It didn't really work. I went and got some ibuprofen at Shoppers Drug Mart. It seemed to do the trick. It works. No more headache. Feels great. I need to get aspirin or acetylsalcylic acid. To complete the collection. 

When you lean your head forward for too long when hunched over a tablet, you can get an angry tomato. This causes headaches. 

aspirin or acetylsalicylic acid - is anti-inflammatory. Is also a blood thinner, contains thromboxane

ibuprofen - anti-inflammatory 

acetaminophen - not an anti-inflammatory 

All are analgesics or pain relievers. All are good for headaches. My favorite is ibuprofen. 

A Neil Oliver video on YouTube, 'Something bad's coming & it might be coming for you' talks about how in the old days there were always sacrifices made for the greater good. The video said that anyone could be sacrificed for the greater good of all. YouTube has all these spurious videos. On the opposite end of that, Joel Osteen talks about how God has a good plan for us all and that the best is always in the future. Pastor Joel Osteen is great, but how could he know how God works. God can't be put in a box that the human mind can understand. Pastor Joel Osteen has good and calming words and those words running around in the mind can change a person's outlook on life. The job changes you.  

Sunday, October 23, 2022

Yesterday was a weird day. Life overwhelms me. I watched most of the movie 'Jobs' about Steve Jobs who started as a college dropout computer technician. He was very dominant and overbearing and thus he started a corporation but not without its hiccups and struggles along the way. 

I wrote a letter to a Buddhist Priest whom I last talked to 11 years ago. He might give me advice about fear of growing old and fear and anxiety in general. He is the Buddhist Priest who is connected to the cult lady who lives in this town whom I'm trying to avoid. She says she is upset with me about something yet has often approached me. She is another person who is upset when I talk to her but also upset when I don't talk to her. Some people just can't make up their minds. 

I am trying to avoid Suzie. I hope I don't see her ever again. She is a good lacy and I wish her the best but just the same, I hope I don't see her again. The times I spent with her were mostly a waste of time. 

If I go back to Vancouver and live in the downtown eastside, some people would pressure me to visit the Carnegie Community Centre. I always say to them, "I don't put any pressure on you to go anywhere. Why do you put pressure on me to go somewhere?" Of course these are the same people who when I actually go to the Carnegie Centre, I just about never see them there or if I do, any conversation I have with them never lasts for more than a minute. 

Every town I go to, people often put pressure on me to go to places. 

Places and organizations have a gangster empire builder mentality. If they see that you go there, they will try to coopt you into their weird scene, their weird energy. My life as it is when I'm on my own is enough of a weird scene and a weird energy. I don't need any more. 

I wish that I had never made myself known to certain people. I met the wrong people, lived in all the wrong towns. 

"Maybe I'm talking to the wrong person."

"Who would be the right person?" 

The Falcon and the Snowman

Who would have been the right people? Which would have been the right towns?

I fear the future. I fear the future as much for what won't happen as what will happen. I fear I won't find a passionate love affair, a passionate girlfriend ever again. I fear that I won't move into any place better if at all. I might be stuck here. If I do move, it will be to someplace just as dismal or worse. I often think of giving up on life yet I must go on. Thank God for the gift of life. 

The future is full of surprises and as lots of people told me, new girlfriends appear when you least expect it. 

Good things happen to good people, That's the ideal. Whether or not that's the reality...

Young people are happier. Their lives are still a blank slate. A tabula rasa. The old, their slates are already full up and much of it is filled with regrets. 

If I smoke pot and I don't like it, I get paranoia. If I smoke it and do like it, I might get addicted and wind up broke. 

Today I went to Church. Afterwards, a chain of events. I met a friend and she walked to a bus stop to wait for a bus. At that bus stop, I found a Polo Ralph Lauren t shirt. A nice one. Had anything gone differently this morning, had I stopped to talk to a friend at Church longer etc, I wouldn't have ran into my friend at right that second and I wouldn't have found the Polo shirt. This is a good town. 

I went to Church twice today. The second time, I saw the Steve-O bucket list tour bus. I returned soon after to take a few pictures of the bus. I also uploaded a YouTube video of it. 

As it is, the ticket are nearly sold out and any available tickets are $75 plus all charges such as tax and any service charges. Expensive. The show is on starting at 8pm at the Royal Theatre in Victoria BC on Sunday, October 23, 2022. 

Monday, October 24, 2022

I went to Chinatown today to get some frozen dim sum and a packet of instant  noodles. Then I returned home. More angry tomato based headaches. My neighbor gave me some aspirin. They didn't work too well but the ibuprofen still works well for me. 

The News said that the BC Nurses Unions complains about how some patients abuse nurses. That's projection. Usually at mental hospitals nurses and orderlies abuse the patients. Nurse Ratchet. Who has medical authority? Not to pull rank but the nurses do. The patients sure don't. 

England has a new wog PM. I thought England would always have White PMs. England has had female PMs before they ever had a non White PM while the United States had a non White President before they ever had a female President. Barack Obama was voted in as the President in 2008. In that election it was either vote for a White cripple, John McCain, or vote for a Black man. The US does have their first female Vice-President, Kamala Harris and she's non White, specifically, Black, as well. In baseball, that's known as a double play. 

There are lots of notable non White political personalities.

British Columbia once had an East Indian Premier, Ujjal Dosanjh. 

Vancouver has had a Chinese Police Chief, Howard Chow. Victoria BC now has an East Indian Police Chief, Del Manak. Victoria at one time had a Chinese Mayor, Alan Lowe. Vancouver now has a Chinese Mayor, Ken Sim. London UK now has a Muslim Mayor, Sadiq Khan. And now the UK has a new East Indian PM, Rishi Sunak. 

The first non White person to vote in England was a Black man named Charles Ignatius Sancho who voted in 1774. Black women got the right to vote in the UK in 1928.

Black men first voted in the US in 1870 while Black women got the right to vote in the US in 1965. 

Why did it take so long for women to get the right to vote? Women should have got the right to vote a lot earlier. What a waste of political talent and potential. 

I don't care what Nationality or gender is a Mayor or PM or President or whatever. As long as they can do the job. I wrote wog earlier in this paragraph. I meant that tongue in cheek. I pay attention to details and I like to use different words to describe things. 

Tonight I watched the 1925 Phantom of the Opera starring Lon Chaney on YouTube. It's showing at my Church of all places on Saturday October 29 as a fundraiser for $25 @ ticket. The soundtrack will be a live Church organist. The movie is about a Phantom of the Opera who tries to win the love of an opera star Christine Daae even though he is racially disfigured. He causes a chandelier to collapse during a performance and uses that as a distraction to kidnap her. During this time, Christine tears off his mask and that unmasking is one of the most pivotal moments in early 20th Century films. It was a moment that changed everything in films from then on. I decided to see the film for free since I don't know if I could shell out $25 since I'm on a budget. $25 is $10 more expensive than an average movie. But it is a fundraiser and the soundtrack will be performed live. Later on that week the Church will also have a film of Joan of Arc. POTO is the first black and white silent movie I watched from beginning to end. I'm more used to watching talkies. 

Lon Chaney died in 1930 five years after this movie was released. He was born in 1883 which means he was 47 when he died. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Today I visited Heather. We went shopping downtown. At one point, a crazy street person wearing a toque and holding a fishing rod walked past me. He then returned and I looked at him. He then made a snapping something in half motion with his hands and he said, "I'll break you!" He then walked away. 

I spoke to a friend who was Heather's nurse who was with us at the time. She said, "He wasn't looking at you. He was looking through you. He has his own issues. Never make eye contact." That was my mistake. I made eye contact. I doubt he would follow up on that and look for me and knife me. That guy really seemed like he was using hard drugs like meth or something like that. 

"You keep saying that yet I keep standing here drawing breath." Stephen King

People get death threats in the downtown eastside often. Very few of them are followed through. Glenn Close get hundreds of death threat letters from movie fans who thought the role she played in the movie Fatal Attraction is how she is like personally. That was about 40 years ago yet she is still around. She is a great actress. Prison guards get a few death threats every week. That's normal for prison guards. Yet the vast majority of them are still alive. I guess maybe a few prison guards got knifed during a prison riot but that's rare. The point is street death threats for something with no back story usually doesn't happen. Don't make eye contact. People do get killed for selling fake drugs. 

There are unscrupulous people who get it in their head that they can make a quick score on the streets. Supply and demand. There's a lot of demand for illegal drugs. They can stand there and sell fake drugs and make a few hundred or even a few thousand dollars over the course of a few days. Greed takes over and they stay longer selling more fake drugs and then one day they get knifed. That is a real possibility. 

These unscrupulous people are the same people who think they can do a bank robbery and get away with it. A few thousand maybe a few hundred thousand dollars for less than an hour's work. Then the Police show up and the bank robbers get shot dead. 

Tonight, my PC temporarily died. I turned it on and the on off buttons were there. The screen was black. I tried to turn it off using the on off buttons but it made a whistling sound. I unplugged it. I talked to a computer technician who lives in my hotel. He said unplug it and hold down the on off button for 30 seconds. 

I read online articles on my tablet that said check the power supply and unplug any peripherals like a mouse etc. I did that and unplugged the heater that was plugged into the same power bar as my computer. It worked. My PC works again! Thank God. 

WNBA star Brittney Griner was sent to 9 years in a Russian prison for minute possession of hash oil found in her luggage. This is odd in this day and age when a lot of countries such as Canada and Thailand legalized marijuana. This kind of think hearkens to the days when John Sinclair was arrested in 1971 for possession of a roach. 

John Sinclair's arrest might be politcally motivated. He was an activist and his activist Newspaper the Detroit based Fifth Estate is still being printed today. Brittney Griner is an activist for women getting higher wages on par with men. She went to Russia to speak out against that in Russia. It seems that the Russians don't dig people from other countries going there and telling them how to run their country.

Customs Officers work hard to keep drugs out of the country where possession of even a minute amount can bring considerable legal consequences. Yet on the streets there are tent cities where there is a raft of laws being broken such as possession of stolen property and hardcore drug possession or PPT possession for the purpose of trafficking. Customs officers work with a different level of ardent fervor and zeal than the city Police of Vancouver's Hasting Street. The leave me wondering what the streets would look like without Customs Officers being so stringent with any kind of drug possession however miniscule. 

This is politically motivated. The Russians is having a war with Ukraine and through extension with the US because the US supplies military aid to Ukraine. Maybe Russia wants some kind of prisoner exchange similar to when China detained Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor in order to get a prisoner exhange for Huawei's CFO Chief Financial Officer Meng Wan Zhou. 

There are people who don't even do 9 years for murder. When I first heard that, I thought that she maybe did someone in. She didn't. Hash oil possession? Trumped up charges. I hope she gets freed soon. No one should be imprisoned for minute hash possession. 

I don't smoke pot, anymore, and I'm saying this. It's not like I'm a regular pot smoker now and pot is illegal and I want to see it legalized. I don't smoke pot, and pot is legal. I hope that the NBA star gets freed. Maybe she can take the Midnight Express. 

I hate the words ardent and fervor. They sound really geeky. Those are words that an intellectual burnout on their last rope would use. Those are buzzwords. 

I still have a major fear of the future. I sometimes lose faith and am not sure that God would really be there for me. Where was he for all those people who died on the Titanic etc? I still thank God for the gift of life. Pastor Joel Osteen said, "The path of the righteous gets brighter and brighter." 

Wednesday, October 26, 2022 

I'm not going to go to the University movie theatre to see The Shining tonight. I've already seen it about a hundred times on DVD, first I've seen it on a 27" television, then on a 30" television, then on a 32" television, then on a 40" television and then on a 55" television. I was thinking that I wanted to see it on big screen but I've seen it on bigger and bigger screens. 

I'd rather go to the University movie theatre in the afternoon and when the weather is warmer like next Spring and if there's a movie on that I really want to see. I wonder if I'll ever visit the University movie theatre. I might move to another town or I might die and then never get a chance to go. 

I went to WalMart today. Then I went to visit Heather. I got a pair of Nike Air shoes at Sportschek for $99 plus tax. I was asked if I wanted a bag for $2. I said no but then opted to donate $2 to the children's Kickstart Jumpstart charity that Sportschek had. I should've gotten the bag or else not made a donation. I wonder how much of the donation goes to the CEO and how much actually goes to help the children. I am very suspicious of charities. I have donated $1 to the WalMart children's charity a few times. 

STAR WARS has 6 episodes of Tales of the Jedi and 1 episode of Andor. So much movies and shows seems like homework and that gives me anxiety. I am still completely not over my anxiety and might not ever be. At WalMart, I told a cashier that I fear the future. Then when I walked out to the parking lot, I saw someone wear a hoody which read, 'Strong Mind, Strong Body'. That is an answer to my question of fear of the future. 

My fear of the future involves that I will never move to a nice place. I will only ever live at rooming houses for life. I will never find a girlfriend who is really beautiful and have a passionate love affair, I will be basically single for life. And as I grow old, and I fear old age too, I'll be sick and die a long painful death from some ghastly wretched old age based disease. That is why I fear the future and those are real possibilities. That is why I am just terrified of the future. I'm sure God is with me. Just as he was with those who died in plane crashes or with those who died on the Titanic. 

I fear that after I die, the afterlife will be hectic and chaotic, basically the place I go to in the dream world and since I will probably die with a spirit of anxiety that I'll get a million, a billion, a trillion anxiety attacks and even nervous breakdowns in the afterlife since the afterlife existence is eternal. 

Pastor Joel Osteen has no fear of the future, but he's very successful. He got married to a beautiful wife, Victoria Osteen who is a really good pastor as well, he lives in a mansion worth 10 million and he has a 100 foot yacht. Pastor Joel Osteen has children as well but I don't know if I would count that as successful. There is parental burnout and with overwhelming empirical evidence that the World is steadily getting worse, I question the wisdom  of having children. I think that the human species will end in less than 200 years, maybe even in less than 100 years. Humans will run this Earth and each other to the ground. 

There are some beautiful women in this town, but the women in Vancouver are even more beautiful. 

It's relative. If one keeps on making say, 10K a year, and doesn't increase their earnings, that person can surely say that real estate is expensive and keeps on getting more expensive. But if that person all of a sudden inherited a few million, then that person would say that real estate has all of a sudden gotten a lot cheaper. More expensive or cheaper depends on personal income. 

Every once in awhile, if I don't touch the remote control for the YouTube on my blu ray player, YouTube will drop some songs that are just godsends. Songs such as Didier Lockwood and Allan Holdsworth, Crazy Eights  and also Babyface, One Good Thing. Also Allan Holdsworth and The Mark Varney Project, Truth in Shredding. Crazy Eights just played automatically on YouTube for me and that was like a big golden raindrop from heaven. See, now is the future of last year and last year I couldn't have predicted that some of the best music would appear for me such as World's Famous Supreme Team, Hey DJ and also Allan Holdsworth, the Atavachron album. In that way, the future was better than I could have imagined. Also in the last year I visited Sidney BC cinema, the Aviation Museum, James Bay Inn, I sat in a DBox chair at the movie theatre, I visited Government House and visited Jericho Hostel in Vancouver. That was completely unimaginable to me last year particularly at the end of June 2021 when due to exhaustion and caregiver burnout, I swore that I'd be dead within a month and if not within a month, within a year for sure. It's 16 months later and I'm still alive! 

If my mother was still alive or if she's watching me from heaven, she'd say, "My child, you sure don't understand women at all." 

Today, I got a $15 Google card. This is what it looks like. Before the cards were always clear and readable. This is the second time I got a card like this. Despite this, I was able to read it when I put on reading glasses and tilted it at an angle so the light hits it differently. Caveat emptor. Don't get Google cards because a lot of them are now virtually unreadable. 

This is the Google Play card I got in December 2021. I held on to it. I'm a bit of a hoarder. As you can see, unreadable. I still managed to read it using reading glasses. If I didn't have reading glasses I would have never read it.  Chain of events. I found my reading glasses a few years ago. 

This is how a Google card should look like. 

Hastings street in Vancouver's downtown eastside is like a carnival fairway full of tents. Instead of games of chance you get an opportunity to purchase stolen items or else hardcore illicit controlled substances. Instead of smells of popcorn and cotton candy, there are smells of urines, feces and the smoke of hardcore illegal drugs being smoked. 

Thursday, October 27, 2022

I visited Heather. We went out to the Dollar store and then to City Hall grounds and then to a thrift store. 

In the afternoon, I went to Craigdarroch Castle and then I went to see the outside of the Art Gallery. 

The rest of the day, I played Puzzles and Survival. I sunk about $25 into this game. I bought Scarlett and Fox who are 5 star characters. A healing character is always good. At first I had two purple characters. One extra purple character means one less character of another of the 5 colors. You need each color for the match 3 colors to work. One of my two purple characters was a healer. I was missing a blue character. Fox is a blue character and a healer. I bought that character to get the blue character I needed and a healer too. More convoluted details. 

I watched Tales of the Jedi. 

Friday, October 28, 2022

Woke up in fear again. Life has too many overwhelming scary details. I wonder how I'm going to make it the next 20 years. Actually the next 17 and a half years then I'll be 70. There's no reward for making it to 70, if I make it to 70. Out of the frying pan into the fire. After 70 it will be worse. More fear. More chances of illness and pain and then death. Another 17 and a half years of weird scary dreams and then more weird scary dreams after that. Another 17 and a half years of encountering delinquents on the streets. There is no escape. Move to another town, every town is scary and has bad elements. Suicide is no escape. What if its worse in the afterlife especially for suicides. Suicide is not an option. The only thing is to face the next however many years. Existence is a trap on whatever plane or dimension. 

Today, I visited Heather and had to work for her, to bail her out yet again. Then I went home and played Puzzles and Survival. 

Old age is so wretched that not even Jesus could have been bothered to go through with it which he why he got crucified and died at age 33 thus reprieving himself from the attendant evils of growing old. How can a person who is old take seriously a religious avatar who died at age 33? I don't see a future worth living for. All I see is endless years working for Heather, being stuck in this rooming house for life never meeting a passionate girlfriend and another 20 plus years of poverty. No thanks. If that's my future, if it's all the same to God, I'd like to skip it altogether if possible. I hope that God kills me of a heart attack or stroke or have me die in my sleep. I don't want to grow old and I don't want to deal with the future at all. I'm 52. I've lived long enough. Why doesn't God just kill me and we'll just call it 'Even'. 

Old age is life and nature's cruel joke. Old age is life saying that no good deed goes unpunished. After a youth and middle age full of altruism and philanthropy, what do you get waiting for you after that? A reward? No. You get old age. And a future in a World that gets steadily worse. Old age is the dregs of life. If I think over 50 is old, I should try over 60. It would be a gut punch. 

Life owes me nothing and I owe life nothing. I give life 2 stars out of 5. I give growing old and old age 1 star or even 0 stars out of 5. 

Yet I see lots of old people in my town. People a lot older than me and they seem pretty happy. 

No one reads my blog anyways. Nobody knows that I think this. 

George Orwell wrote in Down and Out in Paris and London, "Most people think poverty is terrifying. It is merely squalid and boring."

I think that old age is terrifying. It might just be for the most part just normal and not all that bad.

One day, I might just stop working for Heather. Working for her is to show compassion for her. Not working for her is to show compassion for myself. Working for her is a bottomless pit. It's a lost cause. 

James Van Praagh the psychic once wrote, "You shouldn't let people take advantage of you. You come from strong stock." 

Two weeks ago, Joyce Meyer at the age of 79 got not one but two tattoos. Vidoe: Why Joyce Meyer Got A Tattoo. YouTube

Today I saw the new Mayor, Marianne Alto for the first time at City Hall. I said, "Good morning, Your Honour." She said, "That's very kind." 

I said, "I like him."

"Why shouldn't you like him?" Connor said. "He's a politician. It's his job to make you like him."

"Then he's good at his job."

"Very good, I think."

Michael Crichton, Rising Sun

Before seeing the Mayor, I saw on the street an ex-MLA, Jeff Bray. He now works for the City. He is locally famous. He was talking to someone. I saw him across the street from City Hall. I crossed the street and walked to City Hall. Then after that, I saw the Mayor. 

This reminds me of the time I had a dream of the then Prince of Thailand on April 6, 2015. Then on the day after that, April 7, 2015, I had a vivid dream of King George VI.

Today I visited the Chinese Canadian Museum in Fan Tan Alley. It's a very interesting museum. 

Saturday, October 29, 2022

I woke up feeling a bit uncertain about the future. 

Anthony Daniels, C3PO said that he put on the foot part of his costume and that there was a structure in that part of the costume that jutted out and was knifing him in the foot. He then said, "It was then that I started to worry about the days to come." 

I'm worrying about the days to come. Yesterday, a friend, a female security guard, said to me, "You worry too much." I do worry too much. 40 years ago, my then girlfriend in high school said to me that I worry too much. I worry a lot. That's a draw back of being hypervigilant and overthinking. Creative people worry a lot. It's been said that intelligent people worry a lot. I don't know if I'm all that intelligent. If I was, I would have graduated from University. If I was intelligent, I'd be living in a better place and have more money and not suffer from fear and anxiety and worry and also boredom and depression. 

Elon Musk finally took over Twitter in a bloodless coup. An unhostile takeover. He bought Twitter for $44 billion. He would restore a lot of accounts of people who got locked out of Twitter. I don't know if I want to get back on Twitter. I like things a lot better since I left although at the time I didn't like it. Twitter is so regimented and circumscribed. You only get 140 characters. And after awhile all that is written is gone forever as Twitter only publicly archives 3,000 Tweets. The rest disappear into a cyber vault. 

Some people are able to make money doing the internet. I've never been able to. I think people are making money off me which makes me think that I was in over my head even when I was born. If you make money off the internet, it's a case of the more you do, the more you have to do. It becomes a lot more difficult to quit. Not making money is one more reason to quit when you had enough. 

When I was young, I wanted to be rich. Making money seemed like a good idea. Now that I'm older I see that a lot of money isn't the prize it seems to be. You are confronted with new decisions, do I travel or not, do I get a new car or not? I have some anxiety and if not anxiety, constant fear and worry on an intellectual level. A lot of money would only create more worry and anxiety. When you get money, there is potential to waste it on frivolous spurious things you don't need. The other day, on welfare day, I spent $25 on Google Play cards to get The Shining movie from YouTube and also 2 characters, Scarlett and Fox on Puzzles and Survival. That was spurious and frivolous. 

I wish that my mother lived instead of me. I would trade my life for my mother's. She died 50 years ago. My mother had a better grasp of life. She was successful. She was firmly middle class. I've only ever been in the welfare class. My mother was smarter than me. My mother would have been smart enough to stay off the internet. She wouldn't have opened a YouTube account nor ever gone on Twitter. 

I wish I could send this message to my mother, "Mom, I wish that you had lived and I had died. I would trade my life for yours. You had a better grasp of life than I ever did. You were more successful. I will always love you and I hope to see you more in my future dreams. Hopefully, I'll see you again in the afterlife after I die." 

I went to the Church to see The Phantom of the Opera. A live organist was playing the soundtrack. When the movie opened while the organ was playing, it was magical. The organ really brought a new life to the movie. It was spectacular. The whole time, I imagined I was watching the movie at a movie theatre in Granville Street in Vancouver in the 1920s. Back then, admission to a movie theatre was 15 cents. Seeing the movie in the 1920s was an event because people had no televisions at home. The Church had the 1929 restored version with some colorized scenes. The one I watched on YouTube was the original 1925 movie with no colorized scenes. 

Sunday, October 30, 2022

Went to Church. Then I returned home and listened to music. 

Someone attacked Nancy Pelosi's husband, Paul Pelosi with a bammer. Why? He seems like a normal decent guy. The person who attacked Paul Pelosi tweeted about QAnon. Did Trump hire him? Trump wouldn't hire him directly. He would hire someone who would hire someone who would hire someone to hire him. It's called racketeering. Each of these buffers would use aliases. If the attacker agrees to testify in court, he might get suicided in prison. I hope that Paul Pelosi recovers. Nancy Pelosi was the target but fortunately she wasn't at home at the time.

The man who attacked Paul Pelosi is David dePape. Ironic name since Nancy Pelosi is Catholic. When someone named dePape attacks a Catholic with a malleus maleficarum,* that's grounds for excommunication. 

*witch's hammer - a book on witchcraft published in 1486 used to identify witches during the Inquisition. 

An unfortunate stampede at a Halloween Party in South Korea kills a lot of people. I hope they can recover from this tragedy. 

A suspension bridge in India collapsed in what is the worst suspension bridge collapse in India since Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. 134 people died. I hope that they pull through this. 

"Shorty! Ja chee! Laow chee shun sha!" Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Monday, October 31, 2022

Today I went to the James Bay Inn and had liver and onions. There were Halloween pumpkins carved there pictured below. 

James Bay Inn, Victoria Bc. Halloween pumpkins. 

My drawing of Daisy. Daisy is Debbie Hellion's dog.

I had an anxiety attack that lasted 20 minutes when I thought about what to eat for the next week and do I feel like eating that or not and will the food be too expensive. It felt like a slow burning feeling in the guts. If I'm going to have anxiety for the rest of my life I would just as soon be dead. Even Jesus had anxiety. So much so that he sweat drops of blood. Now I never had anxiety on that level. 

Speaking of anxiety, visitors at Shanghai Disneyland were locked in until they could provide a negative Covid test. They got Shanghaied! I heard of Shanghai Surprise but this is ridiculous! Most people dream of being able to go to Disneyland. These people dream of being able to leave Disneyland. 

Someone named Lula or else Luiz Ignacio Lula da Silva won the election in Brazil displacing incumbent Jair Bolsonaro. Lula had been in prison for corruption for 580 days but was freed on November 8, 2019.  During those days in prison he might have given up hope and thought it was the end but he held on a a great future awaited him. This is a story to never give up even in the darkest times. Never give up. Life is worth living and God is always with you. 

Doctors in BC got a pay hike to address doctor shortages as 1 million British Columbians don't have a personal doctor. They don't have such doctor shortages in a lot of Third World countries. And this country calls itself a First World country.