Saturday, April 20, 2019

Pyramid planet



Swoof planet with 3 pyramids representing the 3 stars in the belt of Orion. Also my favourite planets, Earth, Saturn and Uranus. I did a cartoon about Uranus once. I doubt anyone saw it. My cartoons are strictly amateur hour. A fortune cookie said, You create your own stage and your audience is waiting. I doubt it. I wrecked my life. Or else my life is a wreck. I do have a girlfriend who is very sweet. She's the only thing that makes me stay in this town. I have a strange way of showing it but I do like this town despite my complaints. Maybe to say, this town is the best place on Earth sounds smug, smarmy, unrealistic, idealistic. The reality is that all towns have their unique struggles and like Stephen King once wrote, common struggles bring a town together, unites them. Ennui is an ongoing problem in any town. It's the boredom that creates the trauma.




Smurfs Village. Airport. Sunday, April 21, 2019

I fixed my fan. It wouldn't work. I thought of throwing it away and getting a new one. $$. I fixed it using canned air from a computer shop. I took it apart and stripped it down to the motor. It blew about half a pound of dust and dust bunnies from the fan motor. After that, it worked well again.
The solenoid on y fan is gone. To start it, I set it to 1 and then spin it a few times to prime it, then contact, exactly like a world War one propellor plane.
I won't have to get a new Blu Ray player. After taking my 2 Blu Ray players and spraying them with the canned air, they seem to work fine now. All Blu Ray discs work now. As maintenance, taking apart electronics and spraying it often works.
I'm going to get the Teledyne water flosser and the Giorgio Beverly Hills cologne even though last month, I got a two pack of axe body spray cologne for the special price of $2.99 at WalMart. Not a bad price. Giorgio has that sweet smell and a mysterious rich aroma that hints of wealth even for those who don't actually have any wealth to speak of. For $50 a bottle, with Giorgio Beverly Hills cologne, you can smell like you're a rich man.
Together, they cost less combined than the Blu Ray player does.
One day, I hope to get on a platform where I get comments. This blog is dead. Maybe I disabled the comments. I heard one YouTube star say that they get told to kill themselves ten times a day. And some YouTube comments are beneath deplorable. Quantity isn't quality when it comes to comments. Google has always been fair. It's a delayed view count. In the first few weeks, months, the view count is low. One time, I saw one of my videos has tens of thousands of views. That a lot more than I ever thought it would have.
Instead of the marriage and family thing, what about I offer another vision for myself? Me in southeast Asia, and visiting whorehouses. 'Bangkok After Midnight, A Hundred Months, A Thousand Whores'. One day, YouTube will find a way to pay me for my cartoons, or someone will. Although the idea is more of an archetype, one day Hollywood will approach me for the rights to do a Tracy Thorn movie with Gina Carano as Tracy Thorn. Also, I will work for STAR WARS one day.
If a woman tells you that she's pregnant with your child, would you opt to say, A: That's great. B: oh no, that's awful. Or C: What makes you think it's mine? I would opt to go with C. Especially before the 50s when DNA was discovered. No man could be sure. Then that of course would lead to Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. If that's the case, why don't I overdose and find out? Maybe I'd say that as bad as it is, it isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. At least I'm not back on Earth facing a woman's scorned. Here I'm alone walking through broken down sections of the city with no electricity, otherwise incinerated landscapes.


It's all a trap. A lady in a Chinese movie said, "Play it out. It's a game. Let's see if you could play it out to the point of marriage and children."
Marri-cage. Marriage is a cage.
Men are lazy. Unless women dolled themselves up, men wouldn't be as interested. For men, sex is work. Gilda Radner said on SNL that a woman could do it lying down motionless. Men have to exert the torque. Men think women are beautiful. I don't know how women could think that men are appealing. A lady on television said she loved being pregnant. I don't know how any woman could think that. I would think it'd be a hassle. Stressful. Cuts into television watching time. Painful. I could see a father saying to their son, "The words your mother said just before you were conceived was, "Hurry up and get it over with, Wheel of Fortune's on in five minutes."

Trivia overload. Is that a good reason to commit suicide? There is a YouTube Channel called It's OK To Be Smart. Trivia is only a set of trivia as no one can know all things. Bradley Cooper, Limitless. A person can read something quickly one day, and remember it decades later. The human species whatever race has always been very smart for a long time. In ancient times they built the pyramids. The blocks on the pyramid are one thing but the foundation stones under the pyramid are a hundred times that size! How did they move and shape single slabs of stone that size?
But what if it's trivia that doesn't get you anywhere? All that trivia and still a wino down at the bowery. From the borstal to the bowery. The arc of life.
The News said some yellow shirts in France told Police to kill themselves. Now that is awful. Anyone who tells the Police to kill themselves ought to do society a favour and do the Police department a favour and do likewise. I hope that no Police Officer does anything rash to themselves, ever. Far from it for me to say, I think the Police can request a transfer to another detachment.
Lots of stories on the News. After I heard these stories, I think I want to kill them myself. One story about a family of chained up children. I'd kill those cracker parents myself with a samurai sword. However they are in the hands of people more equipped and capable of dealing with such things. It's being handled. I think that if I or most people heard the stories of nearly all the people in supermax, I'd probably want to kill them too. Yet they're still alive. Often prisoners may do penance for what they did through taking part in experiments. Send them to other planets in the solar system as guinea pig explorers. Often, prisoners are suggested to volunteer as test subjects for new drugs and pharmaceutical medicines.
Looks like I'll have to get the new Blu Ray player after all.
On again, off again, on again. I was advised to wet the brushes on the special disc cleaner disc with isopropyl which I did. It worked. Usually a Blu Ray would freeze half way if it worked at all. Last night, it was played again and and with no freezes, no skips. I used a paper towel to wet the brushes. One could use a Q-tip or a paint brush instead. A Q-tip would've been better.
Interstellar. That disc will absolutely freeze in the middle of different scenes. That disc is weird. It does a weird extended preemptory dance. Blu Ray discs can hold 25Gb of information but most use about 12 at most. A DVD uses about 3Gb of data. Interstellar, that disc has about 22Gb of information on it including subtitles, special features, etc. That disc is iffy even on machines that will play every other disc fine.
Maybe it's the disc itself. Some weird occlusion not apparent. If I air spray cleaned the motherboard, did an update, cleaned the lens with disc cleaner with liquid, and it plays all other discs smokingly even repetitively, a few times in a row, no skips or freezes, then it must be the disc itself.






Smurfs Village. Island, not Granville. Monday, April 22. I got the karate dojo and the samurai hut for that Japanese look. The beach is heaven on Earth. Beaches in the Dreamworld is Earth in heaven.




Smurfs Village. The Grove. April 22. The teleporter teleports to the Grove, as of now, a work in progress.




Swoof planet. Earth, Venus, Saturn, Uranus with the 98 degree axis tilt.





Planet Swoof. Smurfs Village.





The mountain. Smurfs Village. So many worlds in Smurfs Village. Im waiting to get Handy's time machine which is the most mind blowing of all. It goes to the past and future.












Chessboard on planet swoof. Tuesday, April 23, 2019
There is a separate grid for the defeated pieces once again in battle formation to signify that even after death, the battle goes on but in different and expanded parameters. In this variation, all 96 squares of this board are used.




Smurfs Village. The Grove. Tuesday, April 23, 2019. This is one of the last days to get Police Smurf in the Grove. I got two.


Wednesday, April 24, 2019

A local political disclosed that he was sexually abused when he was 10 years old. He also said that the person who abused him is no longer living. Yeah, that's because he probably killed him or arranged to have him killed! Politicians can do that. It can be arranged. Politicians are known for being very Machiavellian. Despite that, he was otherwise able to go on through life presumably scoring with babes but not only that, rising through the heightened stratas of National politics. While there are other people who never got abused, but never scored with babes and not only that, is locked up in prison for some past egregious indiscretion. So it goes that having been abused is no guarantee of failure, and not having been abused is no guarantee of success in life.
The politician had to overcome personal challenges of being a member of a visible minority, wearing a turban all the time, and now erstwhile sexual abuse thrown into the mix. In baseball, that's known as a triple play. That's quite the juggling act. And he was to do it successfully. While again, there are people who are White, wear no turbans, were never abused, but now, not only are they not a politician, they're locked up in stir. Trading Places.
Now I myself was never sexually abused when I was a child. However I'm on welfare and not only am I not a politician, I don't now if I am all that successful to speak of. I guess I'm somewhat successful. In a lot of ways, I'm more successful than I ever thought I would be.
I wouldn't try to imitate the politician and wonder that had I been abused, maybe I'd be a politician today like him. But that would be a false syllogism. Besides, not many non-politicians can be like a politician. They're difficult acts to follow.

Racism is a kind of Evo trip based not so much on the notion of, "I am part of this race, therefore the race is great." as much as it is, "This race is a part of me, therefore the race is great!"


There is someone who is targetting female real estate agents. He would demand to meet them alone and get mad if they refuse. This sounds like a real creep. A lot of people think vengeance and "All You Need Is Kill" at the drop of a hat. A lot of people hearing that story on the News want to kill that guy. Someone needs to tune this guy out. Give me two samurai swords and two Glock 9mms. I'll do it! If I was the Prime Minister, I would say, "Execution!" I wonder if this is connected to Lindsey Buziak. That case was never solved or else maybe it was solved "out of court". Blade Runners. No court, no trial, no jail. I could imagine some perp chooses this as his M.O. since this offers privacy, seclusion, perfect crime of opportunity. Rape the real estate agent, kill her, take whatever's on her, money, bank cards, any cell phones, steal whatever's in the house that's hockable. What a shit. Real estate agents should be like Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons. Always be there in twos. Never just one person. That other person should bring a gun aka The Negotiator. Any problems, talk to the Negotiator.
Sit with the gun on top of the staircase in the house that leads to the second floor, if any, or near a second Street window or even on top of a fridge. Or have a gun-man outide the house at a slight distance, lying on the ground on his stomach, aiming the gun towards the house and not away from the house. Get the drop on him!
Not so much in Canada, but in the States a lot of real estate agents are packin' heat. Especially real estate agents selling properties in drugged slum sections of town. A Black Samuel L Jackson, Shaft kind of real estate agent. Pimp, Mack daddy real estate agent.
Maybe in the past, he felt that a female real estate agent ripped him off somehow in some realestate deal and he wants revenge.
Watch the movie, The Big Short. It's called shorting the market. Housing shorts aka bespoke tranche opportunities. As real estate agents are well aware of this and play both ends against the middle, whether the house price appreciates or depreciates, either way, what do they care? They get a cut. The guy probably knows this and is paranoid the real estate agent ripped him off. Well, no more or less than they rip anyone else off which is not at all. Real estate agents have reputations to uphold. Otherwise they get listed in the better business bureau.



The Philippines said that they were going to declare war on Canada. A formal declaration of war is usually done at the United Nations. More bellicose blustering. If there is going to be a war, what form would it take? Presumably the States and Canada have a military treaty so any country that attacks Canada is also attacking the States, and England, and France. I'm sure they'd get into it! The US military is a very very very tough nut to crack. If there is going to be a war, as Canadians we should take up arms. The government should dispense emergency supplies of heroin as standard issue for the war. In case of capture, overdose on the spot to avoid torture, etc. The Philipines would probably invade via the vector of Western Canada, as logistics would prove. However, there are probably more Pinoy in Toronto alone than in the rest of Ontario and all of the Province of British Columbia put together. TO is North Americas fifth largest city.
Just because the Philippines is an archipelago of seven thousand something islands, it doesn't mean that it's OK for Canada to dump garbage there. Canada's been doing it for 40 years. That's the way the President of the Philippines talks. A few weeks ago, he characteristically declared war on the States. "Mr. Obama, you can go to hell!" I kind of knew he was riding us. He smirked slightly when he said it and even the rather large heavy set man sitting next to his right laughed a little when he said that.
There's an organization called 4ocean. They clean oceans of garbage and if you get one of their bracelets, made from recycled plastic that they fished from the ocean, that will clean up one pound of garbage floating in the Pacific garbage gyre. Maybe Canada could contract them out to clean the garbage. Make a donation big enough to clean tons of garbage.




Jeopardys James Holzhauer = Charles Van Doren Quiz Show? The odds that he's cheating is directly proportional to the number of questions he gets right. Not inversely proportional. The more questions gotten right, the more the chances that the fix is in! PR stunt. Ratings grab.
I play trivia games on my app, but never have I gotten two hundred questions in a row right!
Slumdog Millionaire or general knowledge wallah?


Shaw Cable jerked me around. I paid $14 for 3 extra channels. Channel 33 CNN, 35 BBC, and 47 AMC. The lady at Shaw Cable said I'd get the channels right away. I didn't get them. Also, I used to be able to pay my bills using the computer kiosk terminal right at the cable store. Then some months ago, I was unable to use the computer. I asked someone at Shaw Cable why. Apparently, because I was an older account. That makes no sense whatsoever. That's not my problem, that's their problem. I've been there longer so to thank me for that, I can't use the computer? What did I do wrong? Did I do something wrong to not be able to use the computer? That's shoddy, defective, incompetent. Yesterday, as today is Thursday, April 25, 2019. At McDonalds, I ordered something. Then my number disappeared right off the board without my number or order being called. I asked an employee who works there why. Employee said because the coffee came up first but the food hadn't come up yet. Again, an answer that makes no sense whatsoever. What did I do wrong? I come from a big city. I have big city conditioning. So when I stay in these backwater towns and their residents with their addled jerkwater sensibilities with their equally addled answers they give to questions because theres no accountability because there's no infrastructure. No real modern amenities. Just more jerkwater bullshit. Small towns are corrupt, avaricious, venal, because they know that you know that they know that there's nothing worth seeing or doing in that town so they steal all that they can from outsiders. That's when they're not beating each other down for the biggest share of the local scrap heap. There is a cautionary movie made in Thailand called The Macabre Case of Prompiram; 2003. It's the name of an actual town and I actually passed it, looking out the window of the train to Chiang Mai, I saw the sign of the name of the town. In that movie, a girl gets lost, waylaid and unenviably, winds up in some incidental shit hole called Phrom Phi Rom. The townspeople, multiple townspeople steal her things and rape her. The senior Policeman who was dispatched from Bangkok assigned to the case said to his junior partner, "Human nature is sometimes ugly." or something or rather about human nature. In Religilous when Bill Maher said, "Two angels showed up in town. And the townspeople wanted to rape them." When I heard that, I thought, 'That sounds like Phrom Phi Rom.' No one reads this blog anyways, about the usual parsimonious substandard deleterious and incompetent treatment I and no doubt others suffer from defective small town infrastructure or else what is supposed to pass as infrastructure.
RCMP means the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Would The Macabre Case of Prompiram be listed on the imdb? Yes. Anyways, I'm going back to Vancouver to move there and live there. Big city. I'm sure the computer kiosk at the Shaw Cable offices in Vancouver will work for me. Better than this small town. Jerkwater, backwater, local yokels, policy wonks, the usual small town substandard bullshit.
People in small towns like to get all gangsta when things go wrong as a way of covering things up. Yeah, that's the answer! When things go wrong, pretend to be all gangsta!
A cannabis shop in Kelowna got ripped off twice in a month all caught on camera. More Phrom Phi Rom shit. Ripoff thief assholes in some weird, sleazy mindless klepto frenzy. The owner was disgusted and said he was leaving that town.
Timeframe: I've been using the Shaw Cable in this town for 8 years. Up until 3 years ago, I was able to use the computer kiosk to pay my bill. I pay my bill on time, monthly, almost religiously, and this is what I get in return. I asked them a few times about it and always got nebulous and evasive answers and this is supposedly a tach company that's all gungho about their tech even to the point of ccranking out ads about it. So since im not able to use the computer, I have to wait in a line of people who are there waiting to talk about more time consuming things like setting up and taking down their cable services. I sometimes have to wait for an hour. All I want to do is pay my bill. Why can't the computer work for me?! I'm not waiting much longer to find out. I'm thinking of moving back to Vancouver in the next few months. It's not working out here.
To be fair, the people at Shaw are always unfailingly kind and friendly to me. They are downright sweet. This article is says more about my personality than theirs. The people who work there are exemplary. Trying to figure it out from that vector, it's probably a systemic computer glitch that happened to quite a few people, not just me. The front line employees aren't the hard core technicos so how would they know how to fix the systemic computer glitch? They were never legally required nor we're they ever morally required to provide customers with a computer kiosk which was always an extra thing to begin with. As for the 3 channels, there's probably an initialization period of up to 48 hours so the sweet lady at the Shaw Cable probably meant that it would start immediately, including the initialization period. A lot of small towns have their pet things that don't work, like the town pump in which you got to pump the handle a few extra times for it to work. That's part of the charm of a small town. The tourist guy, Rick Steeves who does those Christmases in Europe documentaries visits small towns and they can be friendly places. In my experience small towns have given me more things than they've taken from me. I got a lot of treasures when I was in Dawson Creek including finding a green Readers Digest or else Hallmark Cards Christmas book from England from the early 80s. It was like a book from heaven. It talked about early 80s bands like Naked Eyes, Promises Promises, the Eurythmics, etc. I found a glow in the dark alien which I think originally came with a plastic UFO. The thing is, I'm a complainer, a curmudgeon, my critical faculties go into overtime, and small towns and large cities alike in the past have suffered my presence. But would I be the only complainer in any town or just one of hundreds, if not thousands? Even that movie. What about all the people in that small town who had nothing to do with it or even those who stepped in to protect her? The ratio of people who did something to people who didn't is less than one in a hundred.

"It is my belief Watson, founded upon my experience that the lowest and vilest alley in London does not present a more dreadful record of sin that does the smiling and beautiful countryside." Sherlock Holmes, The Copper Beeches

If George Lucas had directed Prompiram, he might had merchandizing for that movie and one could collect action figures with likenesses of the actors and set up a diorama with the girl running away from the townspeople. Set up another diorama where the cops from Bangkok arrive on scene to investigate what happened at that village. LEGO sets?


Update: All resolved. Channel 33, 35, and 47 successfully installed on my computer. The computer thing is systemic and happened to a lot of people. It's OK. It's all good. There's a reason everything. On my way from the cablestore I dropped into WalMart. I got a kingly Director Krennic action figure. There were only 3 left. The thing is, I don't always go to the STAR WARS toy section.

STAR WARS force sensitive. That's called neuroplasticity. How one can teach themselves gymnastics, doing things they weren't doing a year ago. UBC. The geomagnetic vibes there and the memories there from decades past. Even listening to music and looking at the pictures, I can feel the vibes from a distance. So strong they are like a sweet kick to the stomach. That's a kind of force sensitive or neuroplasticity. Not everyone feels those vibes. Maybe that says something about me. Some people go to UBC and feel nothing. Maybe it's me. Everyone has within them a fountain that can emit good vibes. That fountain is sometimes blocked but with meditation, and as one gets older, the fountain gets unblocked.
I associate UBC, it's Golden era was in the early 80s. I saw Stripes at the UBC theatre so I always think of UBC and the early 80s and Stripes. Now, it's unrecognizable almost. Most of the old buildings are gone and there's a lot of new buildings there. I envision one billion years in the future when the sun is a red giant star, all the old buildings long gone. The sky is red with the red giant sun and the ground is a smouldering husk. Would the vibes still be there then? Probably, I'd say.



In the 80s, I would wear cologne in the summer, I would sweat and hours later when I got on the sky train, the cologne would have a sour smell. When I wear Axe spray cologne, hours later, the cologne smell wears down to nothing. No sour after smell. I ordered Giorgio Beverly Hills. It's coming down the pike. For me. Hopefully, like Axe, there is no sour after smell. Maybe they improved the formula since the 80s. Or Axe is a less expensive brand. Only the expensive brands have that smell.


Black stormtrooper helmet completely sold out online. However, I do have a white stormtrooper helmet already. I plan to get Prang brand tempera paint at $7 a bottle. Water soluble paint. Washes off with water. I want to get black and red so I can paint and repaint my stormtrooper helmet.


DC Injustice. I got it and one of the reasons was I was impressed with the Aquaman sequence. I've been playing this game for 7 months and Aquaman could not be bought for love or money. No sight or sound of Aquaman. 7 months and 1,000 battles all ground out. That's more than paying $100 for a DVD of some animation. I'm thinking of quitting it, but since I paid money, I'm into it for about 300 recharge credits which is enough for more than a thousand battles. Once that's depleted, if I don't get Aquaman, I'm quitting. I already got animated Harley Quinn, and soon I'll get Joker the killing joke. So far I got 50/60 credits needed. At this rate, two more weeks.
At any rate, all apps reach a point where the pay to play scale becomes apparent.
Life cycle of apps: install, play, pay to play, burnout, app fatigue, uninstall.
Life is like a job. Don't like it? Quit. Life is like college or University. At some point, just drop out. I've been thinking of dropping out of life. Why not? I got nothing better to do.
A hundred and fifty years ago, most people died before they were fifty.
A life that doesn't work is a life that's not worth living.


Let's talk about autism. Same prefix as in the word autocracy. Mental health is not only a National pastime, it's a National obsession. Most people aren't successful because of the weird system. It's a way of the rich blaming on the poor the problems they created. Like how after the wall street crash bank bailout of 2008, blamed on immigrants and the poor, as Michael Moore pointed out. You're not successful, that you're in the wrong country, that can't anything to do with it, you're unsuccessful because you're autistic. You're not successful, that real estate prices are going up 100x in the last thirty years while wages have risen 3x, that can't have anything to do with it, you're unsuccessful because you're autistic.
In a subtle way, it's a kind of projection. In Vancouver's case, a hockey team that never won a Stanley Cup, a wooden roller coaster from the 1920s while Toronto and Montreal have real roller coasters. Specifically, Toronto, Leviathan, Behemoth, Mighty Canadian Minebuster and Montreal, Le Monstre, Goliath, Super Manege, Cobra. Nope, nothing autistic about that.
In England's case Brexit, the penultimate example of government mismanagement. Nope, nothing autistic about that!
It's called projection. The government's autistic in many ways, their regulations create many otherwise avoidable problems for the populace, yet they make ads talking about the autism spectrum and the populace. That's projection.


Psychology Facts app: Coffee and tea have tannins. Drinking coffee or tea during a meal will half your nutritional intake while orange juice doubles it.
There isn't just one anger but levels of anger from mildly annoyed to apoplectic and livid with rage.
I think there are many levels of girlfriend, from a casual girlfriend, and a few levels above that to wife.




Herbessa was the name of my black, Abyssinian guinea pig who died in September 2000. That's 19 years ago, almost. I named her that because all Abyssinian guinea pigs have a beard, Herbessa's beard reminded me of Frank Herbert's beard. I got Herbessa in 1997 at the petstore at Kingsgate Mall on Kingsway in Vancouver. There is a company called Herbessa in Slovenia. My strange imagination made me think it was Donald Trump's wife, the First Lady's company and that they stole the name Herbessa from me, to make money. Or it was my old Chinese landlord. He knows about Herbessa. Maybe he set up a shell company, basically a front for some money laundering scam, and absconded with the name Herbessa. This is despite the fact that I've never heard him speak even one word of Slovenian. Not that I would know what that sounds like. He only ever spoke Chinese. That company also sells products called Herbesso and Herbessine.
Doing some research, it turns out that as early as 1833, John Lempriere's Classical Dictionary editor, Edmund Henry Barker, the town of Erbessa or Herbessa lay near Syracuse, one of the burroughs of Attica. As early as 1841, Charles Anthon in a dictionary of place names mentions the town of Herbessa near Syracuse, and the town of Erbessjs or Herbessa in Sicily.
Herbessa was like a daughter to me. I love her more than life itself.
Burger King. "Have it your way." If I had it my way, I would have died on the same day that Herbessa died. My life never went anywhere since then. Only strange towns, and delusions in the form of dreams, even Royal dreams. Delusional. My purpose for living died the same day that Herbessa died.


"There's a destiny that shapes our ends. Rough hewn as it may be." Hamlet

I've given up completely on Smurf's Magical Meadow. I wash my hands of the whole thing. Getting anything, smurfy items, their parsimonious land expansions, red acorns is like pulling hens teeth. Excruciating. Gruellingly difficult. Anything in life that is too difficult, I would give up on including life itself. If I would extend that to life itself, how much more would I extend it to a goddamned fucking video game app. At this point, I'd sooner die of a heroin overdose than to play Smurfs Magical Meadow ever again.
My will to live is 0%. I would gladly give up my life, that is, to lean into the strike zone and take one for the team if I saw Herbessa again and could be with her in the afterlife, I'd die right this second. In this town, there's a lot of people I'd be glad to see for the last time if I died. Women don't like me, but that's irrelevant since I've given up on life altogether. Since they're talking about decriminalizing heroin, that makes thing simpler. The only important thing is Herbessa.
If I'm alive, it's for reasons that got nothing at all to do with my will to live. In my case, what will to live?



How to leave Canada. That's if you're willing to do it. Get a passport. You need a guarantor and two references. Pay $150. Then go to WalMart and get a credit card. Go to a cheap travel agent. Get a one way ticket to where ever. Max out the credit card in the first month. If it's only a couple thousand credit card, they won't bother to send agents try to find me, not for $2,000, especially if I live in the bush, amongst the opium smoking hill tribes. In my case, it'd be Thailand. I wouldn't come back. If I'm thrown into immigration prison, then I'd try to find some heroin and then overdose. Heroin is more plentiful in prison anyways. I figure if life has done me a bad turn, then I should do life a bad turn.
It's a nice fantasy, however the idea isn't to focus on the advantages there and the disadvantages here, but vice versa. Those other places, sure, you got the unfamiliarity, travel adventure thing going, but not being a citizen of a country while there indefinitely isn't the greatest thing. The weather there will take some getting used to. How to derive an income. While trying to attain citizenship. Too difficult. Why not just give up on life altogether?
The advantages of here is I have citizenship, a source of income, good weather, wireless internet, 55' 4K TV.
I uninstalled Walking Dead No Man's Land. Smurfs Magical Meadow I have on minimum maintenance. He aliens one is reaching the pay to play scale, otherwise it's progressing piecemeal. Gruelling. Obvious pay to play scale is obvious. There's an upcoming Breaking Bad app that I pre-registered for. Lord of the Rings complete and total shutdown on June 6. That's psychologically devastating! Lord of the Rings app shutdown based withdrawal symptoms, the usual separation anxieties, followed with suicide, in all likelihood when that shuts down. It was one of the few reasons I had to go on living. Not really. These PVP games, if I'm multi auto battling all the time just get points to level up, then I'm just going through the motions and it's a subconscious way of telling myself that I'm halfway to uninstalling it. That is the point that its gotten to with Lord of the Rings. Maybe the next Lord of the Rings app will include world building.


RIP Peter Mayhew. Chewbacca. "You said it, Chewie."



One man builds a submarine to go to Antarctica. Why not just use it within a ten Mile radius. Most people would be happy with that. Antarctica? Why do they want to see? The underwater alien antenna? The underwater alien pyramid? Most people would be happy to build a go kart using some wood and planks found at a scrapyard. A submarine?! While another man survives falling into what is described as one of the world's most active volcanos. What, is he Anakin Skywalker? 'The world's most active volcano. I think I'll visit that! I got nothing better to do.' Antarctica and a volcano. That reminds me of Game of Thrones, Fire and Ice.


Every month, the equivalent of a population of a small town commit suicide. Every year, the population of a large city. Every ten years, the population of a large country. Every 100 years, the population of a large continent. In the afterlife, I would go to a realm of millions of people, every last one of them committed suicide. Most people would think there would be a feeling of incompleteness. But a mindseth of righteous indignation and neutralization of past actions would be elevated to an art there, if not perfected to a science,like in the novel, What Dreams May Come. "Sure, what if I completed my life? My life was going nowhere anyways and I acted on that. Good for me! The ideal was, my life was going somewhere. The reality was, it was going nowhere. The best years of my life were over and what was left was garbage. There wasn't anything worth sticking around for. Plus life had the bullshit trappings of that dimensional structure including eating, needing to shop for groceries, going to the bathroom, worries about dying. All that is gone and irrelevant in this dimension I'm in now. The people who mourned me did so out of ignorance. I came up with a lot of answers they didn't. They are ignorant of the algorithm of the physics of this dimension and other dimensions. The time algorithm, all is happening simultaneously, they never put into words like I did. They mourn me, maybe they do, maybe they don't, but they never had to live my problems so their misplaced mourning is based on sympathy rather than empathy." That's what I would say after my entry into the afterlife. Also I read disclaimers on website after website, they can distribute your work and not be entitled to pay you any compensation. Anything you send them becomes their intellectual property. What a sleazy fascist set up, what a vampiric scene. Better death than that. Something like that is enough to send anyone into a suicidal thoughts spiral. Anthropocene era problems. I would ask God himself to send me the most lethal and virulent demon death dispatcher. Send me the Angel of Death. I'd rather be dead than exploited like that. A thousand times over. I go on the internet in some misplaced misguided bid to get enough quick money so I can leave this backwater town and go to Bangkok, but instead wind up getting no money and thus exploited. I'd like to kill the guy who suggested I get on the internet. The ones who never would bother to contribute anything to the internet, internet volunteerism, are the smart ones. Internet volunteerism equals exploitation. Problem is, I've contributed years of stuff to the internet. A gold mine. But get no money back. Fuck God. Fuck life. Fuck the energies of this life! If I had a choice, I'd throw my life away because a life like that is worthless. I'm still determined to procure some heroin and give up on life. If you think I'm bluffing or you think this is psychodrama, why not connect me with some heroin and call my bluff. I'm willing to gamble on an existence in the afterlife. My life is going nowhere. All my life has ever been is one shit scene after another. There is no hope in my life. You still don't believe me about the heroin, do you? I said, send me some and we'll find out together if I end my life with an overdose. Do it!

The anthropocene age vs the age of the dinosaurs. The dinosaur era and the anthropocene era have many overlapping problems. The need to eat, genital based problems etc. Dinosaurs were aware. Humans are aware that they are aware. Some humans though, are aware that they are aware that they are aware. With this awareness comes the consciousness necessary to bring about the presence of mind that the value of life is finite, because it is finite. This type of awareness is a necessary prerequisite for suicide. Dinosaurs didn't do themselves in. They lacked the higher level of consciousness, even after 150 million years. So what? Alligators, sharks and cockroaches have been around longer than that and neither did they.
Give it the old British 'go'. Give it a go, yeah.


Over the years, a lot of restaurants opened. But how many became McDonalds or Tim Hortons or KFC? Lots of rock bands have been formed over the decades but how many became like Led Zeppelin or Fleetwood Mac? Of any business in any industry, 50% fail in the first year, 50% of that fail in the first five years and then 50% of what's left after that, fail in the first ten years. That leaves you with 12.5%. Of that, 50% are doing barely more than breaking even. Only 25% of that make the big money. That's 3%. Why shouldn't it be any different with YouTube? Only about 3% of uploaders see any real money at all. The rest get a pittance, grudgingly given. You think it's so easy to make money? If it was, no one working at any place you know now would be there. Why work 8 hours a day to make x amount of money when you could work 1 hour a day making a YouTube video and earn 100x? If everyone could do that, society would collapse, or else it'd be very different from what you know now.
YouTube and Google have a suppressive algorithm.


Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Swoof Planet. Smurfs Village app






Smurfs Village. Swoof Planet. Thursday, April 11, 2019


Last year, China sent a space craft to the Moon where they attempted to germinate a soy bean sprout. It died in less than a week? Is the moon known for growing plants? Would the moon be known for having arable land?


Easy Rider is 50 years old, but those old Twilight Zone black and white TV shows are almost 70 years old! At one time there were no TV shows that old. A 70 year old TV show in 1970 would've had to have been made in 1900. Was the year 1900 known for its plethora of television shows?


If I make a cartoon again I might have to do it without female inspiration as it might be awhile before I get that or I could always go to see strippers and get a $50 lap dance. That would be more or less the kind of inspiration I need. I would also not conflate two stories. I would only do the time machine story. The other story, if I did it people would think, what a freak, what a weirdo, why do a cartoon like that? And it wouldn't exactly be a priority for me to do weird cartoons of any kind. No one watches my cartoons any ways. The view count is not very much but my cartoons were always amateur hour anyways. No turning heads means amateur animation. The kind of look I always wanted to achieve has been done. Telltale Games, The Walking Dead app is the kind of animation I've been aiming for. Once that's there, what's the point of doing animation? My animation certainly wouldn't be as good as that.
The cartoon will be about the time machine. I was thinking of doing it in a minimalist style with most of the screen being white rather than a fully colored in screen. Do it or not. Who cares if I do it or not?


Recently, I watched a very spiritual movie called Click. A man gets a magic remote control that allows him to fast forward through his life. He winds up missing pretty much all of it. There is no gold at the end of the rainbow, just more of what there is now, is the moral of the story. He got sent into the future and came back today where he is now. After a space of watching Twilight Zone, I looked for movies, TV shows with the twist ending. All of M Night Shymalan's movies have a twist ending. Some are obvious like The 6th Sense. Others are subtle, like Signs. I hope to see all his movies. I didn't see the new SW trailer yet. SW is dead to me. George Lucas didn't mention anything about Finn and Rey in the 80s when he did Return of the Jedi. I'm about to watch the trailer now, as I write this. I'll tell you what I think of it. Don't hold your breath.
SW got the Sherlock Holmes treatment. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle died in 1930. But at least three Sherlock Holmes movies were made with stories not from Doyle's writings were made, Sherlock Holmes Baffled 1900, Sherlock Holmes 1922, and The Return of Sherlock Holmes 1929.

Before I watch the new sci find trailer, I wanted to talk about another movie I saw called Mandy. It is supposed to Nicholas Cage's best performance. All movies he did was his best performance. A great actor. Very spiritual. The drug that was depicted in that movie was Lsd but it looked more like PCP. "Lsd shows you the doorway. PCP takes you inside." PCP user
That movie was ghastly. Wretched. I'm surprised that Hollywood would expect the average mid brow person to see this after their after work beer at the pub. The type of criminals in this movie, I hope the Police find them and arrest them. I've seen worse movies but not many; Cannibal Holocaust comes to mind. Not even good for a once in a lifetime watch. Not recommended, in any way shape or form. Bottom of the barrel stuff, let alone third tier. How could such a movie even be legal? Except it's all ersatz, pretend.
The STAR WARS trailer was all right. Rey's gymnastics have improved. George Lucas didn't talk about Jar Jar Binks back in the 80s either. There's lots of things most people including George Lucas never mentioned in the 80s like Adderall or liquid MDMA. So what? The story changes and evolves over time as George Lucas himself has. Internet says Lucas helped write the script for episode 9. I'd give the movie a go when it's released in December. I'll be old then.
Disney made Never Cry Wolf which is one of my favourite movies of all time.
Before, when I thought of ending my life, I thought I would want to stay alive to see the next Star Wars movie. Now I'm at the point where I don't care if I die before the next star war movie is released. I just don't care anymore.
Life owes me nothing and I owe life nothing.
I think I'm doomed. My future will be just as boring as my past and present. Why would things change? Maybe I'm in the wrong town. Maybe it's me. Then like the John Cusack movie, I'm better off dead. Never die when you're healthy enough to travel. You have to save your money and go. When in a foreign country, if you want to stay, say that you have some fear of going back, even if it's fear of bad memories. A lot of countries would accept you.


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NASA took a photograph of a black hole spewing a mass of coronal mass ejections with solar prominences from the centrifugal/centripedal forces of the ever spinning black star or black hole. Black holes are probably centrifugal on the outside and centripedal on the inside. The star is first ripped apart by centrifugal forces in the accretion disc and then pulled inward by centripedal forces like breaking up food before digestion or a sink drain trash grinder grinding things up before the drain and gravity pulls it down. About a million suns worth. If a black hole swallowed many suns whole without breaking it up, the pressure would be too great and the black hole would explode. Maybe a black hole has a mind of its own. Or maybe it's like a Roomba wandering through the Universe picking up stray stars.
It looks more like an orange hole. Scientists say it's 55 light years away. How did they know that? Did they use a tape measure? Actually they used Doppler radar. It was named after Christian Doppler who observed as objects such as locomotives get louder as they get closer and softer as they get farther away. Receding stars have a red shift approaching stars have a blue shift. The Universe is mostly red shift which means that it is expanding.
An East Indian mathematician named Ramanujan figured out the algorithms of black holes. That's genius.
Disney did a movie called The Black Hole with Vincent and Maximillian the robots. I saw that in the theatre. It was 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea meets Buzz Light-year. The theme song remains a private ongoing intrusive and unwanted thought to this day. Geeky. Anyways, never stop being you.
Stephen Hawking said that if a person went through a black hole, they would look like a strand of spaghetti.
String theory. Black holes break stars into atomic nucleotides,even possibly subatomic nucleotides or strings. String theory the theory that atomic even subatomic particles have a tendency to form themselves into strings, lines. Subatomic strings can travel back and forth through time so much so that in hindsight ones life was only ever governed by what is now obvious as omens from the future.
A Black Hole is like a spinning wheel and the dying star that is being siphoned into it is like a spool of yarn. Black Holes draw Hawkingian spaghetti strings from stars into them. For nutrition.
To give you an idea how big the supermassive black hole is, if our sun was a dime next to the basketball of a giant star, a giant star is likewise a dime next to the basketball of a supermassive black hole.
Small - primordial black hole. Medium - stellar black hole. Large - supermassive black hole. The supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy is called Sagittarius A.
More theory. Intelligence isn't dependent upon having something in ones head made of a certain spongy grey mass. Trees, planets, stars and black holes have intelligence so a black hole isn't just a Roomba that wanders aimlessly. A Black Hole plots a trajectory when it senses a certain critical mass is coming from some sector in the Galaxy. Black holes swallow suns before they reach supernova. If it weren't for Black Holes, there'd be ten thousand times as much supernovas as there are and that's be disastrous, devastating for a galaxy. A Black Hole senses a group of stars that would potentially go supernova, as one star going supernova would cause another and another to go supernova. A chain reaction. Black Holes prevent this disaster. Could the Bootes void be a black hole? No. It's many times larger than even the largest of black holes.
In cosmology, a black hole could be seen as an enemy or a friend. In Europe, the dragon is seen as an enemy. In Asia, it is seen as a friend. A Black Hole is a friend in the it prevents stars from going supernova, thus being a friend. Although it wouldn't seem so friendly if you were the one being drawn into it. The forces behind that would be so profound that one would be gone in a second with no time to perceive friendliness, unfriendliness or otherwise.
Black Holes are the interstellar policemen that send rogue miscreant stars that are about to go criminal supernova to the yard often just a few thousand years before it happens like Minority Report. A few thousand years is a blink of an eye to stars whose lifespan is measured in billions of years.

A Black Hole, in it's characteristically strange way, maybe it's acting on intelligence that it got, draws some stars towards it and pushes others away like how if one is doing something bad, they attract bad people and repel good people but if they are doing good, they attract good people into their life and repel bad people. A Black Hole is like that.
It's about stability. Stable stars have a strong enough core strength to hold it's own against the centrifugal outer forces of a black hole and are repelled or else sling-shotted away. This process takes a few million years. Stars that are about to go supernova have an inherent instability. Perhaps a star about to go supernova sends off signals like a wounded animal sends a certain signal to a shark. These signals of dying, compromise and instability are irresistible to any Black holes in the vicinity. Black holes feed on the ergs and joules and caloric output of stars, maybe not caloric output, but this is star energy gives black holes nutrition. But it has to be broken down first. Just as digestion breaks down food and separates the non-essentials from the energy giving vitamins and nutrients. Stars are broken down and black holes then are nutrified. What black holes are after is heat energy. Again, a theory.
A Black hole is not made of rock like a planet but has so much gravity. Einstein said the size of a planet has nothing to do with gravity but how much space time it bends around it. Pound per pound a square foot of Black Hole bends more space time than a square foot of a normal planet made of rock. A normal planet is like a basketball in the middle of a large graphed piece of cloth lying suspended horizontally. A Black hole would be a small but very heavy cannon ball in the middle of a large graphed piece of cloth suspended horizontally. Actually a planet isn't that efficient of a repository of gravity, when black holes are a lot better. Planets aren't even a good repository for a lot of water. In space there are vast oceans of water floating in space many times the size of planets. Oort cloud; space aquifer. These floating oceans form their own gravity and there may be Sea monsters living in these floating oceans. So spinning around, a Black Hole obviously has a zone of centrifugal force around it just as it has centripedal force within it.
These are just guesses. Theories. Just asking questions.
This a priority rather than a posteriori. I'll never look out of a window of a spaceship and personally see a Black Hole in operation at a safe distance, say half a light year away. A Black Hole is so big, even at that distance, you'd see something.
There is a zone, a hall around a black hole where the forces are simultaneously centrifugal and centripedal. This is the shred zone where stars are ripped apart making it easier to assimilate them into the black hole.
Event horizon is a fancy way of saying the center of a Black Hole. A large Black Hole evaporates a lot. The smaller a Black Hole, the hotter it gets. It's not evaporating so much. A large Black Hole is about 12 degrees Kelvin. A Black Hole the size of Neptune would still only be 144 Kelvin. A Black Hole at point of singularity, where it is the size of the head of a pin, ha ha, you would imagine would be pretty hot. It would have reached critical mass where it is expending more energy than it is dissipating.
Einstein rings are what galaxies tend to look like through the lens of a black hole, with the expected distortion of light that usually occurs.
Einstein-Rosen bridge is a fancy word for a bridge that forms when 2 black holes connect forming a wormhole.



Why is the Emperor laughing in episode 9? The Laughing Cow? La Vache Qui Rit? The Batman that laughs? The Laughing Emperor? He is probably not a zombie. If they could save Darth Maul after being cut in half and fallen down a well.... The Emperor was merely electrocuted and it was with his own electric charges. It would be interesting to see the Emperor return again.
STAR WARS is going on hiatus. Why not make it a permanent hiatus? I wouldn't mind. The law of diminishing returns. STAR WAR movies get worse and worse. But if they're still trawling out sequels of old hackneyed, dyed in the wool franchises like Star Trek and Wizard of Oz and Sherlock Holmes, might as well crank out more STAR WARS spin-off sprocket holes. Why not? Nothing better to do.
Just the same, if I were to die before the next stat wars movie is released, I absolutely wouldn't care at all as I don't think I'd be missing anything worth seeing.







YouTube has videos that say that the moon and Mars has pyramids, 3 of which align to form the 3 stars of Orion's belt. Orion is where zeta reticuli is, origin place of the grey aliens. Other planets other moons have names, they're the name brands where's the sun and the moon are just referred to as that, having been relegated to the generic no-name aisle.
My life is going nowhere. I'm in the wrong country, let alone town. When you're in the right town, right country, all things will happen for you. When you're in the wrong town, wrong country, nothing will happen for you. Why not just give up on life altogether? Another 30 years. Why not cut out the middle man and end it now? I saw a video, title: Today You Die. When I saw that, I thought, "Bring it on. My life is going nowhere anyways. It'd soon be gotten over with and I'd be in a better dimension with a better set of physics." Bafflingly, I saw that video a few days ago, yet I'm still alive today.

I would not recommend that you read the following. The blog has degenerated into a morass of negativity. Stream of thought. I give up on life. In the old days this would be written in a private journal.

Today is Sunday. I don't go to Church although when I went there, often I felt these good vibes that were intense, and stays usually til 7 pm although sometimes the feelings go on til about 1 am. The less you go, the less you got to go. The less you go, the better. It's more casual in the big cities. The big cities, you go to a Church, meet a woman, for me I prefer older women, and within a few weeks you get a chance to go to her place and get it on. In small towns you could go for years and still be in the friend zone with all of them. I'd rather be dead 💀 than to go through something like that. I'm in the wrong town again. Maybe I'll never find the right town until I'm in the afterlife. And my wretched telepathic history saturated with weird shit intrusive and unwanted thoughts. That's because I'm still grappling with the ghastly wretched physics of this dimension. "Physical conditioning is quickly shrugged off in the second state." Robert Monroe
And then imagine the indignity of a backwater cracker cult, Church what's the difference, in some cracker backwater that wants to come opt you. They sense your special energy so you become a real battery for those vampires, "Convert, convert, convert."
Church sermons is just more crackety crack crack from some crackton crackerville cracker jack.

If your on welfare, go to the welfare church, don't make the mistake of going to a middle class church. You'll score with women at a welfare church. You'll get nowhere in a middle class church. If you're middle class, don't go to an upper class church. Waste of time, non-starter. Go to a middle class Church.
In the old days, in the 50s, these things were always done according to class. La plus ca change, la plus ca meme chose. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Small towns, every body knows every body's business, it's the shits, it's the cans, cat's ass. A Church in a big city is better. More informal, more spontaneous. However, I'm operating on a different dynamic, I'm at a point in my life where I've given up hope. I've given up on life. Life has lost all it's magic for me. What, Did I not mention it lots before, to prove how serious I am about this?
Churches are mainly crackers, while I'm a chink. Chinky Churches, well I never speak the language. From going to never hearing or speaking the language to hearing it for hours on end. No thanks. Betwixt the two extremes, never the Twain shall meet. Therefore, I'd like to get some heroin and overdose and end my life like Janis Joplin did. If you think I'm bluffing, why don't you send me 4 papers of heroin, that is diacetyl morphine, and then we'll find out together how much I'm bluffing.
And now to a decidedly less ecumenical topic, The downtown Eastside of Vancouver is like Pinocchio's wonderland; that amusement park that turns people into donkeys. In that neighbourhood, you don't look for heroin. Heroin looks for you. "Up, down, rock, powder." "Uptown? Downtown?" A neighbourhood like that would be a boon for those thinking of ending a useless life. Nothing I do works out. My cartoons, blogs. Low view count and no comments or barely any. And worse, there's no way to win. Too many comments, annoying. Good comments, bad comments, who is this person, someone from the past? What's their ulterior motive? Another jealous thief just seeing what secrets they could steal. I have to move back to Vancouver. But only for a short time. Either I will travel on to the Kingdom of Thailand or else London, United Kingdom or else I'd rather just die of a heroin overdose. My poem? Suicide baby, that's the way to do it, get some heroin and get down to it. That poem could win me the $100,000 prize for Canadian poetry. In the States or England, it'd be a million dollar prize.

"Write about whatever is on your mind. Write about your feelings." Madamoiselle Paradis

Heaven and hell have the same afterlife physics. In either realm you can teleport, communicate through telepathy, don't have to sleep, don't have to eat, never die. However in heaven, one would look permanently young or perma-young. In hell, they'd look perma-old. The drugs and the music would be better in hell. In heaven you get weed. In hell, you get PCP and Molly. Music in heaven: Harmonious melodies. Music in hell: Thrash metal.
"PCP is the only drug I would never do again." Hunter S Thompson


Three blind mice. See how they run. Yesterday, I borrowed two movies from the library, All I See Is You, and Madamoiselle Paradis. Then at the pawn store I bought The Village from M Night Shyamalan. All those movies, which I didn't know before watching them, features a blind woman as the main character. Well I did know about All I See Is You. I saw the trailer, did an internet search of it. So it's one I wanted to see for awhile.




Smurfs Village. The island.


A nine year old girl committed suicide. I tried to commit suicide at that age and failed. Too bad. I had a feeling my life was going to go nowhere and I was right. She may arguably be better off dead. She probably had a sense her life was going nowhere, being in a land where she is a visible minority and not in land where she's one of the majority, her family co-opted to move to some sterilized Western shithole backwater. Her life was probably going to go nowhere like millions of other people's lives including mine has. Where would a life like that have gone? I admire her for what she did. To me, she is a hero. She "did the right thing". I'd like to "do the right thing" as well. She is probably better off where she is. I wish I ended my life when she did. Looking back, my life was useless and a complete waste of time. I'm not glad that I lived all these years to get to this age.
I would never advise anyone to commit suicide. However, I would never advise anyone against it either, including myself.
"Sometimes, dead is better." Pet Sematary
What does Islam teach about suicide? Would they say, we wouldn't blame you. If our life was as fucked up as yours we'd probably do it too? I doubt it. But what they'd say exactly, I don't know. It's known as a very spiritual tradition.
Books have advised against writing ghosts a letter but if I could write her a letter, I'd say, "You're in a different dimension now with a different set of physics such as telepathy with the way you may be hearing my thoughts to you now. You're arguably no worse off than you were in life. Your life, had you lived could have gone nowhere such as my life has. I often wish I died years ago as my life never really worked out. Forget this life and move on. A life that doesn't work out is worse than no life at all. The ideal is that your life is going to go somewhere, but the reality is statistically speaking, your life most likely would have gone nowhere like millions of other people's including mine has."
To anyone else in such a position I would write, "Although suicide is an option, I suppose you must do a thousand, a million things first before doing that. There are always other options. There is travel. You're only legally required to go to high school until you're 16. Then you can drop out. At 16, you can join the merchant Marines. Things will not get better. Things will not get worse. They will merely change. It is a long road that has no turning. Hang in there and wait for your ticket out of town, if you're feeling that bad. Me personally, I like the town I'm living in and have no thoughts of leaving now."
My friend who was into metaphysics said that money is the key to power in this dimension. I should have said, "That's only relevant as long as I'm alive. If I end my life, that'd be no longer relevant. I give up on life."


Lament for that I found two matching books, Danielle Steele's Malice. They were yellow books with a white spider web on each book. Yellow and white. Good luck colours. Angelic. But the title was Malice. I don't know if that's the worst title for a book but I also don't know if it's the best title. So I threw them away. But maybe they were good luck. Yellow and white. But the title Malice. I'm torn. Oh well, I threw the books away. Nothing to be done about it. Most people wouldn't care a pin about things like that. So why should I?
I'll try not to be so depressed in the future. I'm actually not all that depressed. Freudian death drive. I form complete sentences and I'm not doing extreme sports or doing any extreme drugs. People like that might be suicidal in deed if not in word.

Middle Earth Shadow of War on Android apps is shutting down. In app purchases are disabled and the game is not available for download on Google play starting April 16. On June 6, the game is being removed completely. No more training orders.
Actually I am in deep mourning and lament for the closing of this video game. I was going to get another 30 day gem package. This video game replaced Shadow of Mordor where the hoobbits Bilbo and Frodo were playable characters as they aren't  in Shadow of War. I'm thinking one that combines hack and slash pvp with world building like Smurfs Village. There may even be farming in the new modality or iteration of it.

At the clinic, the doctor said, "That's your modality. Low sperm motility."

This is a ripple effect or cosmic response to the loss of the spire at Notre Dame Cathedral and the fire that was there in general. It shut down right on the day of the fire, April 16. Tolkien was Catholic, and a lot of French motifs were were used in The Lord of the Rings.




Swoof Planet. Saturn and Uranus. Wednesday, April 17

Notre Dame Cathedral burned, but it will be restored in a few years. That is a historic iconic building. Jungian archetypal. I never claimed to be the most spiritual or even very spiritual. It goes without saying that the Priests at the Church are more spiritual than I am. I would like to travel to Europe one day. Who knows? Life is full of surprises.

Police report: I hope the Police read this. That's the ideal anyways, whether or not that will turn out to be the reality... Twice in the last week, as I was crossing the street, I walked sidelong on the road towards the sidewalk. Twice a car pulled up behind me and honked. I was walking in a parking space they wanted to park in. Fucking crazy crackers. Where did they get their drivers license? The pedestrian has the right of way. One doesn't accelerate towards a pedestrian. Although crackers belong to the race that invented cars, very few crackers actually know a car  works.
They couldn't tell the difference between a solenoid and a battery cell. That cracker couldn't wait a couple of seconds? That honking of the horn was the psychodrama of an ignorant cracker. When they did that, I turn around a did a martial arts display in front of them. If they wanted to fight me, I'd be ready. I don't know what I would do during a fight but it is times like that that medical trivia, things I learned in the Dreamworld suddenly pop up and that makes a difference in fight. I know tradecraft. So if those ignorant crackers who probably got their drivers license from some godforsaken cracker ethnic White slum from somewhere in 2nd world continental where the English language and driving cars properly isn't exactly a priority. They probably come from White ethnicity countries where the road is still shared with donkey carts. How common is road rage? The Police are welcome to question me anytime regarding this. I would only do a martial arts display and walk away. I never talked to them let alone attacked them but for those couple of minutes, I was mad.
I doubt that's the last time I would ever do that. Again, road rage.

There is more of a phonetic difference between Mandarin and Cantonese. So much so that they can't understand one another. Yet the Chinese think of these as dialects of each other. The Chinese are cohesive in that way.
There is less of a phonetic difference between German and Swiss. The Schengen group and the Latin and other groups of languages in Europe. That's because the cracker is culturally prone to adversarial anomalies, adversarial bullshit because of the staunch hubris level of individuality that's the hallmark of cracker culture. Yet Japanese is just as different phonetically to Cantonese as Mandarin is and Japanese and Cantonese are referred to as different languages. And high German is just as similar phonetically to low German as Swiss is, but high German and low German are referred to as different dialects. That Android in Alien Covenant was all about deconstructing languages.
Anyways, that's why they lash out and act out, honking the horn of their goddamned motherfucking car when they see someone walk in a space they want to park at. They simply can't wait two seconds. If, and that's if one of those crackers approach me, I have the end game of stomping their face on the ground and then walking away dispassionately. Just another fucking stupid cracker. Who cares?
Even the Brits. Thirty years ago, they were known for having the worst teeth and the worst cooking in Europe. They couldn't get Brexit right without now delaying it to what. Halloween? Is this for real? What a fucking joke. That poetically underscores the picaresque, picayune nature of that whole sordid fucking bullshit.
And you expect people like that to drive cars well? A lot of Chinese can write Chinese and English well. A lot of crackers couldn't write a letter in the one language they know without multiple spelling errors. Why would you expect someone like that to all of a sudden have profound driving skills?
It's only White people whom I don't like that I refer to as crackers. The ones I really like I would think of as angels and saints and geniuses.
I can see White people starting up a fund and pooling up money, a few dollars here and there for The Send Dean Noble Back To Asia fund. Anyone who is that philosophically dissipated and that mentally excoriated with White culture, ought to be sent back to Asia.  Even though all Asian Oriental countries is a watered down version of China. Most people couldn't tell the difference between Oriental countries anyways, just like most people couldn't tell the difference between ponzu sauce and panko breading.  I would opt to go to Thailand. I never felt as loved as I did in Thailand. That is the place where I am sure that I am 100% loved.
I recently asked someone, "Are you going to kill me, because if you are, in my case, it'd be a boon. My life is going nowhere." Maybe the Whites would opt to kill me. Why didn't they do it years ago? If they're going to do it, why don't they instead send me 4 papers of heroin aka 4 flaps of down, and I'd save them the trouble. Why trade a larger window of time for a smaller window of time. Even then, clearly my life was going nowhere. My YouTube account is dead. No comments, no subscribers, no view count, or hardly any next to the super stars of YouTube. Come to think of it, no one in my town has as big a view count as one of the Los Angeles or New York, or London based YouTube accounts. If it were so easy to make money on YouTube, most people you know at any given job would've quit. Why work 8 hours a day for x amount of money when you can work for 20 minutes a day making a YouTube video and make 100x or even 1,000x the amount of money? Yeah, right! Stars have the same mysterious vectors that the rest of us don't have that they always had, even during the 50s. Tracey Morgan said in the Twilight Zone, if you want to be famous, you have to give the audience something of yourself, something you will, at that point, no longer have. A lot of YouTube stars are single and unmarried. YouTube sure changed the center of gravity of their life. If YouTube wasn't in the picture, maybe iJustine would have been married by now instead of writing cryptic sentences in her autobiography like, "People think I'm a closet lesbian." Who the hell would think that? I would never think that. She is obviously straight. That gives you an idea of how much YouTube has destabilized her. She does product endorsements, with all it's attendant evils of contracts and deadlines. Where would she find the time to get married, have children, etc.
The American YouTube uploader would have a higher average view count, subscribers, comments etc than the Canadian average YouTube uploader. YT uploaders from big cities have a higher average than YT uploaders from small towns. There is a science to it.






Me and the Asians in this town are very different. First of all I never speak the language even though I could do it quite well. I always thought that metaphysically, if you're speaking Asian in Canada, you are neither in Asian nor in Canada. Another startling difference is that a lot of them have as much as a million in the bank and are planning to and would stay here indefinitely, even decades into the future. Me? Even if I had $3,000, I would move back to Asia and never come back. Thailand. If things don't work for me in Thailand, I could always go to Chiang Rai, the Golden Triangle and score some heroin and overdose. I would give up on life then. But chances are slim that they won't work out for me in Thailand, there is a certain bureaucratic informality and cultural spontaneity there. I always thought they might think the same of Canada. The grass is  always greener on the other side.

My Samsung 4K Blu Ray player is playing a Blu Ray! And one I borrowed from the Library. 12 Monkeys. A television series about time travel. What a miracle! Formerly, it would abjectly refuse to play Blu rays, only DVDs. Next week, I'm plopping down $150 for a Sony 4k upscaling Blu Ray player. A genuine 4k player costs $300 minimum, new. The Sony brand is very durable. My Sony Blu Ray player lasted 3 years before it conked out, and refused to play Blu rays, only DVDs. The Sony upscaling player will not play 4K discs, only regular Blu rays, but it will do PlayStation 2 games. I'm not into PlayStation but there is still a market for it. None of the stores that sell PlayStation and Xbox games and consoles have closed down despite the emergence of tablets. Tablets have ads and in app purchases, none of which XBox, etc has.

Brexit's latest casualty. Journalist Lyra McKee was killed in Northern Ireland in an IRA incited incident. RIP Another Veronica Guerin who was another Irish reporter reporting on crime killed by Irish drug lords in 1996. The internet said a No-Deal Brexit would certainly mean a return to hard borders in Ireland. No wonder people in Ireland are worried. Lyra McKee is the most famous journalist who was killed since Jamal Khashoggi.



Am I going to 420 tomorrow? Hell no. Not in a town where I would say that if I had even $5,000, I would immediately leave and never come back. I'd move to Thailand. And it's not like I'm legally required to go there.
Would it make a difference in me finding a new girlfriend? Absolutely not. I already adjudicated that any social situations in this town are completely hopeless and useless. This town's society is not something that I believe in. Fishbowl existence. Speaking from experience, this town mainly disappoints. The ideal: I meet a lady, just like in the movies. The reality: I don't meet any ladies and leave alone, time and time again. So I've already written it off as a waste of time. Nothing really good ever happened for me at any festivals in this town. Just the usual same old tawdry turgid bullshit. In spite of that, I have a few women on the line! But it's not as cut and dried as that. Who, specifically and for what amount of time? If you choose one, you indirectly are rejecting others. I'm not sure that I want to get married and have children. I don't know if I ever did. Instead of living the next 30 years, why not I just drop dead soon, and thus cut out the middle-man. I don't want to lose, sure. But I don't want to win, either. What does that mean? Marriage? Children? Was that ever a priority for me? And through what vector? Certainly not on any financial vector that I could conjure up. I'm a spend thrift. It's better to make $10,000 a year and save 15% than to make $100,000 a year and save 0%.
Single = cool, free. Married with children = square, trap.
Even if I had the money to do it with money to spare, I still wouldn't want to be a father and raise a family with children. Too much work and too much hassle. It would be the shits. I'd sooner opt to die of a heroin overdose than to do that.
No one would care if I decide to skip 420. Heck, even if I were to drop dead, they wouldn't care. Also, I would just as soon die of a heroin overdose than to go to 420. 420 seems repellant and unsavory to me.
Any 420 this backwater town could conjure up would only wind up being a watered down version of the 420 in Vancouver, anyways. Cypress Hill is playing at Vancouver. What would this town have as an answer to that? A ghetto-blaster, some food trucks and a few porta-potties?
420 is over-rated hype. I like marijuana, but as for marijuana culture, I could take it or leave it. What passes for marijuana culture is just more weird market-driven stylized bullshit.



I'd like to go to Asia or Europe for the unfamiliarity, for the adventure. North America is an anomaly. All civilized countries have had a female President or Prime Minister or Queen, Empress who was elected and not just appointed. Russia had Catherine the Great but in the time of Canada's life so far let alone the States, most countries have had a female leader. Britain has had two Queens and two female Prime Ministers since Canada's inception. China had one. Thailand had a female Prime Minister. Canada had one appointed but not elected female PM. The States never had a female President. Imbalanced. Baffling. I would leave North America if I could. God knows that. Everybody in this town hates me anyways. Could you blame them? I couldn't. I'm not proud of this article at all. I'd be willing to just give up on life rather than to have such thoughts. I hate being in a dimension where because of limitations in it's physics that things like racism, prejudice based on bullshit imagination can happen. Racism makes anyone's imagination twisted. It's healthier to write about any strange thoughts, if people read it, their thoughts can send out a counter thought like noise cancelling headphones. I'll delete all this one of these days. Garbage! Finished! Wasted potential. Squandered imagination.
I've read too much of Carl Jung and his idea of archetypes and I've had too much scientific training to be a racist. People of different races can donate blood, organs, have viable offspring, etc. DNA. So much so a lot of people say they are comprised of quite a few races! Heinz 57s. People of different races have more in common than they have differences. Racism is also a product of the culture that springs from the non-teleportational, non-telepathic, non-holographic set of physics of this dimension.
I'm not a racist. I'm a writer who likes to use different words to describe things and to get into details.
If movies were written articles, this article would be like Cannibal Holocaust. This is the worst article I've ever written. The basest instinct is to blame others for your problems. As a species humanity has to grow up. Including me. Like I said before, if you want to kill me, send me 4 papers of heroin and I'll save you the trouble. Deliver it to Yours Truly, General Post, This town, This country. I should get it before the shelf life expires.