November 2025

Saturday, November 1, 2025

Ashwagandha starts working in one day. Feeling less anxiety although I did have a sharp anxiety attack that lasted about five seconds. The burning anxiety otherwise makes me not want to live. Existence with anxiety is no kind of existence st all. Is this all there is?

Wrong thinking - Anything that is worth doing is worth doing right. 

Right thinking - Anything that is too difficult isn't worth doing at all including the living of life.

The worth of life is finite because the nature of life is finite. This is a backwater dimension with a backwater set of physics anyways. You can only expect so much and one has to make allowances for the limitations of the physics of this dimension.

There is once in a whole, a tranqued out, fake yawn, pilled out feeling. But not often and once in awhile, the burning anxiety returns for five seconds but goes away but when it's there, is it ever there. 

Yesterday at 5pm, feeling the burning anxiety yet again, I had to get ashwagandha. Anxiety saps a person of the will to live.

Reviewers have said, 

"I used to be on fight or flight all the time. Now I'm calm all the time."

"I used to be like a squireel. Now I'm just cbillin'."

Ashwagandha has withanol which works on the GABA receptors in the brain. So there's that. Supposedly it helps. GABA receptors regulate the speed which the nervous system sends signals. Faster if necessary when in danger but usually optimally slowed down to take it easy. 

It's quite powerful for an OTC. Yeah, well, so is Sudafed. 

Tomorrow is daylight savings time. Which is terrible. 

Supposedly it is based on agrarian reasons, farming. 

But really, let's face it, daylight savings time is based on industrial reasons. So people can get to work, the commute. 

Farmers have done well without daylight savings time for centuries. 

Stanford Fleming came up with daylight savings time. 

It is man's ignorance and arrogance behind the imperative that time, baroque and organic in and of itself, must confirm to the regimented Gothic will of industry rather than vice versa. With disastrous results. 

Scientists say daylight savings time does a real number in the body. 

That's because the objective nature of time is time travel is time experienced on an objective level with changing iterations within the province sent moment. Subjective time is linear with changing iterations bejng consistent and concurrent with a non ending series of plural moments rather than the objective single moment. 

So daylight savings time, like jet lag, causing a discrepancy between the objective and subjective perception of time which the body registers with sometimes terrible results.

Whenever you think of various instances of government incompetence and mismanagement, like the airhead flippancy and ignorance of having the $35* a year Christmas bonus rate frozen since the 80s, What's up with that? I wonder what Michael Moore of Sicko would think of that if he knew about it, you have to realize that it's the same species that is so confused and caught up in its own press that it can't be ide whether to hold on to or to get rid of daylight savings time. It is the same species who can't get their ducks in a row about something as basic as the reckoning of time, horology, so much so to the point that  in Canada for example, while some places have daylight savings time, other places don't. Vancouver and Victoria have daylight savings time while Dawson Creek is permanently on Pacific Standard Time and never uses daylight savings time and more ironically, Dawson Creek is the farming agrarian society which has no need for DST. What a mess. While the industrialized non-agrarian cities use daylight savings time. Ironic since DST was supposed to be for farmers. 

The ideal is that daylight ssvings time is Universal. The reality is, that in all likelihood, every country in the World is a crazy, gangsta, temporal calico cat patchwork or regions that observe DST and regions which don't. 

The difference between regions that use and regions that don't use DST can be likened to  high schools that use the term system which represents regions that don't use the DST because the term system is 8 classes cycled over and over again all through the entire school year and high schools that use the semester system can be compared to regions that use the DST because the semester system splits the year in half, 5 classes every day for half a year and a different set of a same 5 classes every day just as the DST system splits the year in half. 

*$35. F4 movies, a free movie site doesn't seem to be working tonight. Kvetched. Of course f in f4 is the first letter of the word five. The 4 in f4 movies could represent the number 4 in the amount of $40. Since f is before and not after 4, that means subtraction, so five minus $40 is $35. The bewildering amount of $35 of a Christmas bonus which has bizarrely remained frozen since the what, the 80s. Yeesh. And you wonder why I think that this is a backwater and that I'd be better off somewhere else. 

Giving the poor who do a lot of volunteer work, volunteer from the German word wählen meaning choice a fair shake - is not OK so rates have been frozen since what, the 80s. But paying off someone £12 million pounds or $22 million Canadian stolen from workers who pay taxes for something that, apparently, a serial diddler didn't do on a day he went out for pizza with his daughters, - that's OK. 

Ha! Pennywise, und foolish. Pennywise, the clown from IT by Stephen King. 

The politicians don't have to suffer the insufferable indignity of having their Christmas bonus frozen since the 80s so to them its just some big joke. 

Over the last few decades, there have been quite a few diversity hire wogs in politics who come from such disparate flyblown cultures where Christmas isn't exactly any kind of priority. They believe in non-Christian religions. 

Ashwagandha is a red flag that if you have to take it, all the signs are there that you are living in the wrong town, perhaps wrong Province, perhaps wrong country. If you were in a place where you are happy, you wouldn't need to take an anti-anxiety adaptogen.

It feels so strange yet so good to be without the burning feeling of anxiety. Previously I thought I'd have to get to the afterlife to feel this free of the burning anxiety. 

I feel good feelings that I haven't felt since I was a child before the evolution of the HPA axis which takes on new levels in adulthood. 

Hypothalamus - corticotrophin releasing hormone

Pituitary - adrenocorticotropic hormone

Adrenal - cortisol

Ashwagandha directly addresses each of these chemicals. 

Forget beer and street drugs. Psychological pharmaceuticals on the guidance of a doctor more specifically addresses the areas of the brain and brain function that directly involve anxiety, fear, etc and can bring about the science of euphoria, nostalgia, 

The feel good chemicals are endorphins aka endogenic morphines, dopamine, seratonin, oxytocin etc. 

Ashwagandha causes an increase in testosterone which is good for men. 

Does ashwagandha cause an increase in progesterone in women because that's a major feel good chemical for them on the level of dopamine, seratonin, etc. It might be even more powerful. That's released after pregnancy to nudge a mother to care for their child. This chemical occurs in many species of female organisms. 

Anyways, I am feeling better in general already. There are moments of uncertainty, and slight anxiety that goes away fast. 

As Alexandra Kallos more or less said, the afterlife is like 50G to our dimension which is 5G. 

A person using 50G broadband can easily play an app that only requires 5G. A person using 5G broadband can not access apps built for 50G broadband. 

So for a spirit to visit us from the afterlife, to them it would be like them installing and then using a GBA emulator on an android tablet with a Snapdragon 4 speed processor. 

Cross-platform connectivity. 

Blue Jays lose the World Series. 

"How do you f*ck that up?!" A History of Violence

Even the Dodgers having home field and the odd numbers innings advantage, Toronto had a golden window of opportunity handed to them on a silver platter with the tenth inning and they screwed that up royally. 

One might say that other countries merely have to deal with American influence on a vicarious level, Canada has to physically deal with the actual United States living right next to them and it has affected Canadians sports culture. It's one sided with the odds stacked heavily on the other side. Watch the movie Moneyball with Brad Pitt. One team has a $40 million annual budget, another team has a $110 million annual budget. 

As if to underscore Moneyball, Brad Pitt, Mr Moneyball himself was in attendance at the World series. 

What can you say? Whoop, one country has 420 million people while the other country has 42 million people. That's quite the disparity. 

What a bizarre set up but not if you don't know any other. 

This is the new normal going forward. The States winning all the Stanley Cups and World series, 100% of them. 

If Canada had a population approximating that of the States, it'd be one thing. But the thing is, England is located on a small island which in its nature can only have a certain amount of people, and Canada is a colony of it so while England has 56 million people, Canada has 42 million people and Australia has 27 million people even though Canada and Australia are way way larger than England. We want you to be more successful but not more successful or populous than us. It's a bizarre set up that in a country as large as Canada with comparatively so few people that people are paying a lot to live in overpriced shoeboxes. It's the old British Boer War concentration camp set up. Old habits die hard. Especially with the British. 

The States doesn't suffer under such population privations that Canada and Australia does. 

The States has a better population because the States has better weather. The weather in Canada is the sh*ts. It's way too cold for most of the year, anxiety attack producing hypothalamus stimulating and not in a good way cold cold weather. It's awful The ass end of North America. It would be more bizarre if in some weird parallel Universe, Canada not being a colony of England had 175 million people because of the weather, about the same population as Russia, again, because of the weather and the geopolitical land mass known as the States was a British colony with 28 million people, about the same as Australia and again, with about the same weather. But that's precisely how things would be because the British are very regimented and circumscribed. 

And bizarre to because England has sh*t weather. London is at an unenviable 52 degrees North, same as Prince George BC, and Edinburgh is at an even more unenviable 55 degrees North, same as Dawson Creek BC and you know how sh*tty the weather is in those places, especially when compared to the United States. 

Weird crackpot set up. 

It's a rarefied island with a language that's only somewhat better than German otherwise it's Island living on an island with some kind of Napoleonic complex. Empire building, London funnel. It's some kind of weird Kafkaesque bizarre set up that's purely a product of the slow physics of this dimension and of a history of such over centuries. 

England is island living. Penguin island. A small town on the mainland is a backwater. A small town on an island is a backwater on another level. 

Living on the mainland is a rock show. Living on an island is in comparison, a sh*t-show. 

Slim pickin's. 

I'll be glad when I'm cross the finish line in the afterlife. Much of the strictures, the set ups of life are just tawdry and insufferable. 

Canada is f*cked from England for the colonialism population suppression thing and Canada is f*cked from the States for losing 100% of World series and Stanley Cups to the States. 

See, again, China and Russia doesn't have that problem. Countries in the West do. I feel sorry for Ukraine if it decides to side with the West rather than with Russia. 

I would strongly advise any Chinese person from futuristic China to not move to backwater Canada. Don't do it. You're way better off where you are. 

That's the set up with sports between Canada and the US with the States winning all the championships. 

But it's nice that next Canada there is a place that is great and actually rocks. The States is a pinnacle to look up to. A Disney magic castle in the distance something that is greater and more rocks how than anything in Canada. Otherwise all of North America would be like the situation I am living in while living in this Province. 

Vancouver and Victoria are the only good towns in BC. Every other town in BC is a blinding blithering backwater with hardly any tourists visiting there ever, that's like one step forward, three steps back. Ugh. Yeesh. 

Towns not worth living in. Boring, lack of infrastructure and typically overpriced. 

The rest of Canada doesn't have any towns that are interesting except for a few, 

Toronto, Ottawa, Quebec City and Montreal. Those towns are better than Vancouver. Vancouver believes in its own hype like most other towns which are more backwaters that think that they are the center of the Universe. Every other city is a backwater that's a waste of time. 

Now imagine if all of North America was like that? There's only two good towns in all of North America, Vancouver and Victoria, every other place is a backwater. 

But the States is a huge perpetual Memphis Graceland of rock and roll, it's a lucid fever dream of Wizard of Oz Emerald City proportions which are futures to aspire to, full of hope and futuristic promise. So many iconic towns that are rock rock rock, such as Miami, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, New York. Towns that are visceral and pulsating with neon splendour. 

The NHL, the baseball league, the headquarters of those pan American sports entities are in the States. That means that Toronto Blue Jays paycheques are written in the States. No wonder the American team wins the Championship Cups, the Americans are financing the lion's share of it. 

Vancouver is great if you've never lived there. Vancouver, I never want to go back to. For two reasons 

- my weird family. They expect me to not only act as if I have seen my birth certificate but that I've seen it and that it connects to them. See, deconstructed, that's two different things. What a weird fake deceptive set up. I never asked for nor deserved any of it. 

I haven't seen any of them for decades now, and it feels great. To quite Donald Trump, 

"Toxic and won't be missed."

- the downtown eastside has let itself go in a way that is profound and not in a good way. It's a cruel and unusual punishment that I doubt fully passes the Geneva Convention. It gets worse and worse there every year. That neighborhood has sure run itself into the ground. Psychotic. Delinquent. Dysfunctional. Bonkers. Yeesh. That is supposed to be what passes as modern societal living in Vancouver. China is way way way better than Vancouver. China is spackling new, cutting edge, state of the art futuristic rock show while the crackpot downtown eastside of Vancouver is urban vomit in comparison. 

Qatar is ultra futuristic, state of the art. The downtown eastside looks like an open air latrine in comparison. It looks like Qatar's latrine. An open air urban colonoscopy of the human rectum. 

India has the Dharavi slum while Canada has the Vancouvaravi slum known as the downtown eastside. 

The downtown eastside was holding its won when White politicians administrated the place. Then you get some weird airhead chjnk bitch politician, a complete airhead, just look at her. Sadistic half-wit. She can't even speak English with a proper accent, DP displaced person. neither speaks English nor Chinese well, one of those types, don't believe me, just listen to her talk, and the place has gotten progressively worse every years since she took over the helm airhead opportunist. Running the place to the ground.

You know the old saying, People who can't do, teach. People who can't teach, administrate. 

The downtown eastside slum is partially a product of several levels of gevernment flippancy, ignorance and mismanagement. Partially the choices the individuals of that strange twisted demographic makes for themselves. 

The downtown eastside is so badly run under that airhead thing's watch that as every year goes on, the price of housing goes up commensurate with the neighbourhood also just getting more and more squalid as time goes on. But that's a defining feature of the country of Canada, isn't it? Paying more and more for less and less. Shrinkflation. What's up with that? Play Canadian games, win Canadian prizes. 

See, paying more and more every year for housing in neighbourhoods that have more and more street disorder every year is Canadian macroeconomics, and paying more and more for lesser and lesser volume in food packaging known as shrinkflation is Canadian microeconomics. Paying more and more for less and less. It's the Canadian way. 

Best to vote with your feet. Move to another and better country. 

Vancouver would just be a regression to some former erstwhile bullsh*t. Uh, no thanks. Anyone you meet while traveling is part of an expat travel adventure. Anyone you meet back in your old town is just another variable in an equation of regression. 

The old town has way better infrastructure and heavenly vibes so it's difficult either way. Go back or never go back. Life in this dimension. Is it worth living? I'm not completely sure. 

It's way more fun to live in either the United States or China than it is to live in either Canada or England. YouTube comment: China seeks to develop and enhance you with comfort and a high standard of living. The West puts you in a dehydration chamber and sucka out every drop."

England only has one semi interesting town that somewhat worth visiting and that's London. Every other town in England is a backwater sh*hole that would be a waste of time to visit. 

Europe or China would not work. 

China with the tonal monosyllanic language and the pictographic semasiogrwphic writing system is a non starter. 

Europe, the people on the Continent where its quite sophisticated, the English language isn't as much of a priority with them. England, where its, sigh, island living, speaks English, but with a different accent. So much so that the North American accent registers as an issue. They have the Lords of the Manor accent while we have the hick colonialist accent. As if. The colonies have mainland living while England is island living. "Are you sure that's not projection?"

The quirky wonky US-Canadian sports dynamic where the States win all the Cups because they actually pay their athletes way more than Canadian athletes works really good for Canadian athletes. The NHL, the soccer league, the baseball league, the basketball league are an-American US-Canadian entities. Only the f*king CFL is a Canadian only entity. The CFL has four downs rather than three downs and the CFL used to have a lerger 110 yard field which has been recently rewritten to 100 yards, same as American football. What the heck, Australian rules football, Canadian rules football, American rules football. A CFL contract player for life only gets a certain salary on average. Whatever it is. I'm not going to make up some figure. 

Anyways, any athlete aligned to any pan American sports league set up's have the option to play for an American team with a quite considerable raise in salary. It's a pipe dream that CFL players simply don't have. I guess some CFL teams make it to the NFL but that takes more steps. They gotta resign, be a free agent or be in between contracts, but an American talent scout has to specifically recommend the athlete as well, so it's more convoluted, however it's possible, technically. 

Being in a pan American team, winning a championship cup and partying in Miami or Los Angeles or New York is way better than being in the CFL, winning a championship cup and partying in what, Winnipeg? Saskatchewan? I'm sure Winnipeg is interesting but it's certainly not on the level of Las Vegas or LA or NY or Miami. 

Defense against logic. Ad hominem attack. They know that I know that they know that they can't win the argument so they attack the person. Again it's the same species that can't decide whether to have stupid daylight savings time or not. 

Well. A few days ago, last Wednesday and Thursday, I took quite a few T3s. 6 on Wednesday, 1 on Thursday. On Friday night, I felt a flu coming on but luckily, I knew what was happening as quite a few years ago, I mainlined heroin for a few days in a row and the same thing happened. You get a fake flu that's actually a result of opiate withdrawal. 

More about this later. 

In the street World, a person mainlines coke, but the part that's worth any money is gone 

in about thirty seconds leaving a person to fight with themself, do I do another shot, no, I shouldn't. Etc

The dopamine surge that the cocaine initially causes reaches a half life and creates epinephrine which activates the HPA axis, big time. This is aka the sympathetic nervous system. The fear, the anxiety, the paranoia. I've known of people who mainlined coke and then went to the food line and were able to maintain, to look at them, you wouldn't know they were high. They must be superhuman. I could never do that. Cocaine is a very edgy drug. 

To deal with the BS comedown of coke, a person needs to do heroin which is like a pharmaceutical magic eraser that erases all the paranoid edginess of the cocaine come down. But then a person can get an opiate induced flu if they do heroin. 

To erase that, simply do a line of coke or better yet, use what I use. I drank coca leaf tea which took my usual expected duration of opiate induced flu from 8 hours down to 3 hours. On the television show Ghosts, Hetty Woodstone said that cocaine was the best cure for a cold. It wiped it away like magic. It was legal and used in her time in the 19th Century until the 1905 Harrison Act made it illegal. 

I knew what was going on that day. Drinking coca leaf tea sure helped with the opiate induced flu. 

To reiterate, on the street, do coke, then heroin and then a little bit of coke again. Hair of the dog that bit you. 

Disclaimer: I strongly advise anyone from doing illegal white powder drugs. These drugs can do a real number on the body. And not a good one. And besides if you possess too much of it, that's illegal as well. Just say no. 

The best way to live is clean and sober. 

C and H are old school. Drugs connoisseurs have different drugs of choice. Namely the much more stronger and headier crystal meth and fentanyl. I never tried any of that. Those drugs are outside the ken of my knowledge, although they are today's standard. 

I don't know and I don't want to know. 

The best way to live is clean and sober. 

Knowing England, they're probably going to send someone to kill me for writing about England. As if University professors haven't made that observation, heck, even before I was born. 

How could someone who died before I was born visit me in a dream? They were quite famous people, the dream was quite vivid, and they looked right at me. 

It is what it is. Sometimea people perceive something as a bad thing when it's actually a good thing. 

"Poor but comfortable is rich, and rich enough." Shakespeare 

Even with the populations of the different countries being what it happens to be, England and Canada has provided me with welfare and one can either act upon this gift with gratitude or entitlement. Some collect welfare, do nothing or worse, panhandle. I choose to sweep the streets when I'm not animating cartoons which is also a way of showing gratitude for the largesse that the government has provided me. 

My observations about the different populations are worries rather than criticisms. I don't know what's going on. 

There is in all likelihood, nothing to worry about. As Mark Twain said, As an old man, I have had many worries, few of them of which ever amounted to anything. 

Keep calm and carry on? 

I got a VR game for free on my meta plus subscription. It's called Townsmen VR. It's a world builder in the style of Smurfs Village and Smurfs Magical Meadow but without any of the gorgeous ornate artwork. It's more of a gothic project VS the baroque quality of the Smurfs based world builders. 

Its kind of a down-beat low-grade parody of Smurfs Magical Meadow shoehorned into VR. 

I like world building but it needs to have variety and beauty. 

The VR app Toy Trains had World building, a large canvas so to speak to work with, but the designs were annoyingly elementary, somewhat prosaic, well next to Smurfs Magical Meadows, and there wasn't nearly the variety of buildings, plants, animals etc etc etc that the Smurfs based world builders had. 

This game is the same. 

Complete the standard issue tasks on an island, quite repetitive once you get the hang of it. Space is limited and previously built building had to be torn down and rebuilt in another place to make sure all the buildings fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. 

Completing the tasks of each island opens it up for free play. Build whatever on that island. There are six islands. Each time during the completion phase, a shop shows up to take you to the next island once the standard tasks are completed. 

I wouldn't have paid money for this. For free, why not? I'm on the second island with the ship waiting to take me to the third island. Limited space, limited amount of buildings, graphics meh, mediocre. 

Whatever. 

A good movie is on. Colin Farrell goes to Macau to be a gambler. Since the odds are against a player, how could anyone be a gambler past a certain amount of time? They'd lose all their money. 

Some games rely as much on skill than chance and some gamblers have a system. Casinos have long figured that out. "Oh, so they think they have a system." 

The movie looks like The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugsr meets the world of dim sum. 

Macau and Hong Kong are like Victoria BC and Sidney BC in that they take an hour to get to either way. Can a person walk to Macau from Hong Kong? I never heard of anyone doing that except for during whatever war years, I guess. People usually take some form of transportation. Even with the transportation, the two cities are about an hour's distance apart each way. 

I wouldn't mind visiting China. I think that if it is His will, God will provide me with a chance to visit futuristic China. It wouldn't be like looking at YouTube videos where you can teleport from one city to another. Pick one city and stay there for awhile before moving on. Chongqing with the Ching caves which is the huge huge lighted old style Chinese building. It looks gorgeous during the day and even more spectacular at night. But I've already seen it on YouTube. 

With VR goggles, I can punch up the image to scale so I could see it at the same size proportion that a tourist who is there would. So in a way I already went there. 

Macau used to be rocking compared to old mainland China. But now, China is way more futuristic and rock show than Macau. 

Macau seems to be like the Reno, Nevada or the Atlantic City of China. Major gambling towns but not exactly on the scale of Vegas which is on another level. 

Is Vegas or Monaco the capital of gambling cities in the World? I'm not sure. Either are more upscale than Macau. But Macau isn't bad. Macau is still more futuristic and rock show than most of the West which is somewhat backwater and not as well maintained. Lots of delinquency and dissolution. 

Toruist magazine said that Asians in Singapore, even when they are drunk, they are calm and orderly. You couldn't say that about the West. You probably could, for the most part. For the most part, people in the West attain a level of calmness that would rival even that of the most abstemious ascetics in Asia. 

I tried to see the movie Ballad of a Small Player  with Colin Farrell as the gambler in Macau. I just couldn't and wouldn't get past the first few minutes. 

That old Chinese woman was crass, vulgar and ignorant in her speaking. That's about the gut level, stomach level, venal, completely wrapped up in the physics of this dimension, money obsessed mentality that you can expect from a  Chinese, a hard core Chinese. 

That young Chinese lady was lying to Colin Farrell the whole time, 

"What's she saying?" 

"She's saying that she welcomes you." 

BS, she should have said, 

"That ignorant lady is insulting you the whole time."  You'd be better off somewhere else because this would be a waste of time for you." 

The young lady said that the old lady could see spirits. For someone who can see spirits, that old lady is completely wrapped up in the physics of this dimension. 

And the lying doesn't surprise me. My parents were mendacious crack pots. That's something that's well known among the Chinese and other races too. 

She was insulting Colin Farrell? Colin Farrell is from Ireland, a place that for centuries had some of the best Universities in Europe. Universities in China don't quite have that same reputation. The Irish have James Joyce, George Bernard Shaw. What do the Chinese have? Confucius? Lao Tze? Tautological and teleological philosophy, certainly not on the literary level of George Bernard Shaw. 

What culture does she come from? A culture that uses a tonal, monosyllabic language with a pictographic semasiographic writing system. At the end of the day when you parse a lot of these Chinese conversations, they are gut level, stomach level conversations that don't go beyond a grade five vocabulary usually venal oriented and not something the you could intellectually look up to and respect. Boring and toxic. 

Imagine some corpulent venal obstreperous wog from some strange venal culture with its flyblown nonsensical language talking down to an Irishman from a land of high education, literary tradition and cultural refinement. 

That godless wog. China is a culture where Christianity and the profound things that Jesus taught about money isn't exactly a priority as Communism places some kind of premium on atheism. Usually people from backward cultures that are quasi into archaic agrarian folk traditions involving belief in animism are resistant to Christianity. That would explain her venality. And she is just a specific example which illustrates the general case. The Chinese are an intensely venal people. 

See, when a culture can't achieve on a literary and verbal basis like the Irish with their profound reputation and tradition of erudition, they try to compensate for that in trying to achieve on a non-literary non-verbal level that usually involves a lot of mindless venality. Lots and lots of it. 

That movie is not my cup of tea. 

It used to be that Hong Kong and Macau were rockshows and mainland China was the backwater. But now the shoe is on the other foot. Hong Kong and Macau are somewhat aged faded remnants of what they were at the closing end of the 20th Century and China is the spackling state of the art futuristic rock show. China is what the West will look like in 2100, if the West gets its act together, which is not guaranteed. The American Dream is China's Reality. 

Mainland China speaks Mandarin which is the Royal Imperial language of China. 

That corpulent obstreperous wog bitch in that movie spoke Cantonese which is a vulgar guttural sounding tribal language, not a dialect. Certainly not on the level of Mandarin. 

Cantonese which sounds vulgar and guttural isvery different than Mandarin which sounds refined and elegant yet they are referred to as dialects of each other while German and Swiss sound very similar yet they are called different languages to one another rather than the other way around. 

Mandarin is the high German of China. 

Cantonese is the low German of China. 

What can you say about the damned human species? They couldn't even make up their mind about daylight savings time and many regions are still using it even though there is no reason to and it has adverse affects on the body similar to a one hour jet lag. Thanks to the f*ckedupedness of the quibbling equivocating policy wonk government that can't seem to make up their mind, we still have to f*ck around with daylight savings time when there is no reason. Turning the clocks back and forth is a hassle and is a pain. 

Woke, that word strangely sounds a lot like the word wog, lol. 

Movies are fake set ups. That Lady in real life, Deanie Ip, or Grandma in the movie, is probably very kind and was joking with Colin Farrell. If she was like that in real life, no way would Colin Farrell do a movie with her. In real life, she is probably a very gracious classy lady. She is a trained actress at her craft, portraying presumably, the antagonist to the Colin Farrell protagonist character. If you felt angry at her, that means she performed her role well as an actrss because that was the intended audience reaction. 

The character that the lady portrayed is an archetype. Not all Chinese people are like that. Actually, most Chinese people are more together than I am. They don't have the same miasma of worry and anxiety that I am always living under. The Chinese are a very life affirming people whereas I love Heather more than I love life itself and if God appeared and gave me an option, I would opt to quit life immediately. There is no one whom I am living for right now. No one I'd want to spend more time with if God were to suddenly give me an option. 

My life will really begin the moment I am reunited with Heather in the afterlife. The rest is just waiting. 

"Life is lived on the wire. The rest is just waiting." Papa Wallenda

I'd be glad to leave this dimension of cortisol, food insecurity, and money based anxiies. I would leave all of this in a second. 

My landlord accompanied some tenants who were cancerous and were at the hospital. Three stories. 

- one was really happy, happiest he had been in a long time. 

- one was just very happy. 

- one was due to be injected at 2 pm but he was impatient and demanded the nurse to do him at 1:30, half an hour early. The nurse said,  "But you are scheduled to go at 2 pm and we are not doing it an earlier than that."

They all must have either seen their departed friends nds and relatives appearing like some opaque icon in mixed reality virtual reality who gave them supreme comfort or else some see an actual vision of the lush Elysium Fields with its over 100 primary colors with plants in such a state of health and irridescence such as never been seen on Earth before because the ratsh*t flyblown physics of this dimension, well, they leave much to be desired. 

The movie Ballad of a Small Player gives me anxiety. Googling this, AI wrote that the fast paced cinematography, claustrophobic scenes, and the psychological elements of addiction made many audience members feel anxiety. Ha ha! 

It was the mean old lady who gave me anxiety. I understood all the words she said and it was very toxic and gave me fear and anxiety. It was vulgar, terse language. 

Sigh, movies are fake. She was simply reciting off of a script that she was paid to memorize and then there's the delivery which is where the craft is truly evident. She had to deliver the lines convincing to evoke the intended audience effect. It's not rocket science. Deanie Ip did it really well too. The Chinese would say, Don't worry, "Koy hoe chut meng-ah!"  which means, She's really famous! 

Well. The plotline is that the Colin Farrell character was a scoundrel and a well known figure in the local Chinese gambling community of Macau. He had already been blacklisted at several hotels for inability to pay off his markers. At the pai gow table that evening, Grandma was deliberately chuffed because she knew of the characters infamous scoundrel reputation otherwise she wouldn't have spoken those words. 

Watching the movie again, the old lady was hilarious. The Colin Farrell character asked for credit. She said,  "Cre, cre, cre, mut lunn dit-ah?" Some what translated,  "Cre, cre, cre, what c*ck dit huh?" 

The movie has a twist ending. The Chinese casino manager said to Colin Farrell, Doyle, that he had a ghost attached to him standing behind him at the casino table. It has a Sixth Sense thread in the plotline. At the end of the movie, he was told that the Chinese lady that he met died some time ago. He says, I spent time with her recently, and the movie does show the two of them together which turned out to be his ghostly encounter. 

Ashwagandha doesn't completely take the anxiety away. There will always be a little. Don't sweat the small stuff. Right. That's all I ever fricking do! 

A few minutes ago, I thought of going to a restaurant and a $5 coffee is all I could afford. 

Even thinking about the $5 offset to my already meager miniscule bank account gave me a slight but sharp anxiety attack. 

Should I go or should I not go? Indecision always always sets off an anxiety attack. I think I'm damaged goods, mentally. 

"Half the man I used to be."  Stone Temple Pilots 

It was a unsettling anxiety attack. Is there any other kind? 

Say what you will about the Chinese, but most Chinese would never get a sudden and pronounced anxiety attack about a $5 increment off of a bank account. I must be brain damaged. The Chinese aren't that f*cked up, whereas, I am. Even though I'm Chinese myself. I'm one of the Chinese who got sent to the Island of Misfit Toys. The Island of Misfit Chinese Toys. What were the chances of that. Aren't just about all toys made in China these days? This is the result of outsourcing of otherwise local unionized light industry. Like toy crafting. Unionized tinkering. 

Douglas Bloch said, "No, you are not brain damaged."

Emily Carr wrote of a friend who said, "Brain damage nothing. You have a tongue sharp enough to mow the lawn." 

Monday, October 3, 2025

Blue Jay's couldn't win. Even with LA having first inning advantage meaning 9th inning advantage, achieved from a coin toss, home field advantage, Toronto had a golden window of opportunity, a 10th inning, and all they had to do was score 1 point. It wasn't as if they had a 3 point deficit and had to achieve a grand slam to win. And this is with Toronto leading decisively with quite a few points and they couldn't pull it off. 

Sports games are rigged. They are tied to a sports betting conglomerate that favors certain point spreads and wins and losses for a maximum profit margin and these sports betting companies are really fronts for other companies with an IPO. 

Deeper dive. Canadian teams being from a country with a fraction of the population  of the US and Canadian teams being teams with the $40 million CAD a year budget VS teams with a $100 million US annual budget makes Canadian teams typically the long shot. Sometimes to hype the game and to add to some cultural mystique, the odds can be raised to what, a million to one? The higher the odds, the more people pay. But the long shot team winning would mean a massive payout. The short odds favored team to win means the sports betting companies have to pay out less. If the long shot team won, they'd hav to pay out more. It's not rocket science. It's basic mathematics. So you are such a idiot or sycophant that you can't see that these damned f*cking American Canadian so-called championship matches are completely rigged. Some weird Feed Flintstone grungy bourgeois gangsta set up which is what is supposed to pass as modern contemporary culture. 

That would explain it! 

Oh, you think I'm pulling this out of thin air. Last week, a few professional baseball players were convicted by the FBI for an insider trading style sports betting racket. 

At the professional level, it's not about talent. That's been proven. It's about spectacle making the plays look natural or else accidental to ensure a certain result. They are paid professional performers with a skill set with some elements similar to method acting. 

At the professional level, it's about achieving a certain bottom line. 

The government is blatantly in on it. A few years ago, there was a government bookies run game of chance called Sports Action or else the other idiot tax besdlides the mainstream lottery. I don't know if Sports Action is still going on. The aim is to generate a source of tax revenue for infrastructure projects. 

A spectator pays to witness a result, a certain level of performance and skill as athletes have more thrust, more PSI pounds per square inch power than the amateur leagues. 

The ideal is they pay for a score result based on entirely random factors. 

The reality is, that the likelihood is high that the game is rigged in some way, but who cares? Rigged game, not rigged game, it's still a good game. 

Rigged election, not rigged election, it's still a good election. In the US whether or not the President wins, the election is rigged. In Russia, whether or not the election is rigged, the President wins. Again, either way, it's a good election. 

That's why the Vancouver Canucks will never win the Stanley Cup, the public sector and private sector sports betting structures, why the profit margin simply wouldn't allow it! 

The more higher the odds against, the more underdog the team, the more people will bet to potentially win big. Two more or less evenly paid, evenly matched American teams wouldn't be as exciting as one major American team VS a Canadian underdog team. That's more exciting to gamblers hoping for a big win. The higher the odds against winning, the more they'll win if they bet on the underdog. Sports betting isn't as unforgiving as the mainstream lottery is. You bet on the outcome of a few games and even if you get 5 out of 7 games right, you still win something. $100? Why not? Getting all 7 games predicted correctly will win you $50,000. On a $20 bet. 

Ashwagandha makes me drop my burning anxiety. I thought I would have to be in the afterlife before I felt this level of relief. 

When I die, I picture myself riding in a cart on an escalator going uphill but it will be as fast as and feel like it's going downhill. That's going to heaven. 

If a person goes to hell, it will look like they are on a cart going downhill but it will feel like it's going uphill. 

That's the physics of the afterlife for ya'. 

Ashwagandha makes me drop my anxiety. I haven't felt this since I had an NDE and walked away from my bed and looked back and it was as if in the scene from the new Pet Sematary movie where the zombie girl drops the mask she was wearing and it falls down with a thud. When a person dies, they are still very much awake and aware, but feel that all their problems of their old identity were gone, even with thinking, I know I had some issues before in life but for the life of me, I can't recall them and try as I can those pronlems aren't hitting my gut at all let alone in th. SME way they used to. 

That's why the mask in the movie Pet Sematary looked dark and wretched. It represents the bad things associated with this life that they drop. They don't drop the good things, that stays with you forever. Upon death, one is dead to the problems and issues of their previous Earthly life. 

In the movie Ballad of a Small Player, the Chinese expression, "Dead to shame." is mentioned. When a person dies or even when they use ashwagandha, they become dead to shame. 

Courage to come back. 

The good sense not to. 

As for Prince Andrew or else Mr Andrew Windsor, the Mandrew formerly known as Prince, as he goes about these days, in his defense, what he did was pretty much the standard if YouTube comments saying that Bill Gates wife left him because of this, Bill Clinton, Trump, others were all implicated with Epprey Jeffstein. 

Presentism is when you hold people of times past to the standards of today. 

There is prohibitum malum which is a wrong that was always Universally wrong . And there is prohibitum in se, a wrong of the times. Zeit verboten. 

What Prince Andrew did affected nobody else but himself, as the John, the pimp, the madame and a cross selection of a stable of underage wh*res. 

Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page when he was 27, he had a 15 year old teenage girlfriend. Even more strange, she was already the sloppy seconds of other rock stars starting when she was 13. She had been around. There and back, you might say. That was the strange standard of the times. That's enough to make a person feel wretched. That's awful. That's illegal. 

It was a crazy time. It was also a time when putting mousse and gel through your hair and listening to 8 track tapes seemed like a good idea. It was a time when University students ate raw live goldfish and jammed themselves into telephone booths and Volkswagen beetles. 

I'm not saying that things back then were right. It's just that things back then were simply different. They marched to the beat of a different drummer. Moral relativism. 

A comment got deleted off of a YouTube video about Macron's wife. I have somewhat of an eidetic memory. The comment said, "What used to be seen as a natural thing has in the West now been relegated to issues of justice and turned into court games." 

A hundred years ago and beyond, women were considered as chattel until women's suffrage was enacted into place. 

Two hundred years ago, women and children were considered as chattel until child labour laws were enacted. 

Three hundred years ago, women, children and men were considered as chattel. First anti slavery laws were enacted. People were no longer serfs under the feudal Lord and fief system but became free landowners. 

Chattel means livestock with no legal rights whatsoever. 

During the feudal times, a feudal Lord has something called jus primae noctis. That means a feudal Lord if he wanted, could have first dibs at any man's wife before a couple's honeymoon nuptials. Something like this definitely wouldn't wash today but again, things were very different during different times in history. 

Jus primae noctis still occurs in small backwoods out of the way towns where the local town lord would come between a man and his newlywed wife except in these case, all three of them are cousins to one another. 

Throughout history, the Legal Age of Consent has spiked like a Dow Jones Index bar graph. It used to be lower but has since spiked higher. And regional Laws that differ from State to State when you cross State lines. In F-Stein's, Frankenstein's, F*ck-Stein's day, the legal age of consent was 16. It has since been raised to 18. So F-Stein must have thought, in his mind, that what he was doing was perfectly kosher. 

That's what happened with Diddy who is the ebonic answer to Eprrey Jeffstein. In his case, he was busted for human trafficking, Convoy the song, I mean conveyance of underage prostitutes again, depending on State Law. A person is bound to Laws from where they came from, like an airline stewardess in terms of wages, overtime etc. A person who is from a State where the Legal Age of Consent is younger than 18 who goes to work in another State is still bound to and protected by the Laws of the State where they are from in terms of wages, overtime, working age, etc. And its never listed as prostitution, rather licensed discreet Escort service, discretion assured, or else licensed Swedish full body massage services. Licensed in one State under one set of Laws, but again, like an airline stewardess, contracted services, its kind of a rabbithole of  shady quasi-legality.  So using a legal loophole, P Diddy was operating in a quasi-grey area, legally. It was when it was disclosed that some of P Diddy's clients are the very rich and famous in the African American Community that elevated the status of the case. The FBI raided P Diddy's estate because whereas there are State Laws, well, Federal Laws trump State Laws as seen in the movie Killers of the Flower Moon. The FBI must have seen it as a form of fraudulent conveyance of humans and additionally, for untoward purposes and of course, living off the avails of prostitution. 

P Diddy wasn't demanding a supply. He was simply supplying a sordid demand that was already there. 

I'm taking Ash-Wakanda, would that make me Black? 

Anyways, this is a perfect excuse to sideline Prince Andrew from the Throne. 

The Game of Thrones is a game of chess specifically in terms of seeing a few moves ahead. Wallis Simpson was sent to deliberately tempt Edward the XIIIth off the throne as he had no children but King George already had Princess Elizabeth as the Crown Princess whom the Establishment needed to be Monarch. 

Prince Andrew has children who would be deemed as a viable threat and incentive since Laws regarding exclusively male primogeniture or right to rule has been struck down and so now females are eligible for Monarchical Appointment but Prince William has Prince George, who is male, for one thing, and whom the Establishment needs to be Monarch. 

Meghan Markle was sent to tempt Prince Harry off the Throne as Prince Harry has Blackamoor mulatto children but Prince William already has Prince George who is 100% Lily White, French Fleur de Lis White, who the Establishment needs to be Monarch. 

Race. Its the same reason I wouldn't mind being in China. Then I'd be one of the racial majority. I would live in a society with people of my race. The agrarian race. Actually, it's not just about race. It's about resonance. 

This does not bode well for Trump. It's a bad omen for Trump. YouTube comments aid the US government shut down was to prevent the Jeffstein files on Trump from being released. 

The movie Eyes Wide Shut hinted that not only were there these, uh, extravagant parties amongst the rich, these parties often involved underaged girls. Kubrick depicted the main Fidelio party. Then there was a segment where the owner of the costume shop was pimping out his underaged daughter to Japanese clients. He even tried to pimp her out to Tom Cruises character in the movie. Juxtapose those two elements in the movie together which was Kubrick's intention. Eyes Wide Shut. That's where those rich people got the idea or else more likely, the movie learned from what the rich were already doing. 

It's a very large and very strange world. Who knows what the hell is going on here and there? 

"Wet bus top, he sees her, so bad he starts to cough

Just like the old man in that book by Nabokov."

The Police 

Some people are into the Lolita thing. If anything, it's gotten worse since the days when Randy Andy was active in certain swinging circles. With the dark net. It's something that only the Police are capable of dealing with. 

The Police might say,  "There are many other and worse offenders. It's just that Jeffstein was the most famous." 

James Woods, Michael J Fox, The Hard Way. In the movie, Michael J Fox portrayed a character who was always quoting Police Officers and passing them off as his own, James Woods in particular. 

That quote was lifted from a Thai Police Officer who said that about a notorious Canadian diddler named uh, Neil Warren, I think. He was notorious and was extradited from Thailand to either Canada or the US. His extradition was specifically requested. Yeah, and again, the Thai Police Officer said,  "There are many other and worse offenders. It's just that he's the most famous one." 

Randy Andy's Randy days are done. It's not as if he was going to give a speech at a high school that the high school would send the girls home early. No, not that at all. 

"So you think his defiling days are done, do you?" The Goblin King, The Hobbit. 

There is a strange parallel between Virginia Guiffre and Amanda Todd. Both were underaged women forced into coerced sex of one form or another and then killed themself because of it. But Amanda Todd wasn't given a £12 million pound settlement before she killed herself! These two cases are opposite sides of the spectrum. 

They think they're progressive, but they'll wind up selling you down the river. My friend said that about his social workers. 

Prince Andrew sure sold Virgina Guiffre down the river. Guiffre, that name eeirly sounds like Jeffrey. He denied knowing her at all. 

But he also sold himself down the river. He could have said, the case is before the Courts and decline to answer. A lawyer said, "Thou shalt not snith in thyself."  He a itched on himself. 

That was a test. If he couldn't defend himself, how could he defend the country as a Prince? 

On a YouTube video I watched today, someone said, "I expected the interview to be a train wreck. It ruined out to be a plane crashing into a train crashing into an oil tanker carrying a nuclear bomb." 

The Royal Family would expect any Canadian who is Loyal to say that despite whatever worries, full of gaffes, things will be fine. The Firm will stand strong. 

The Firm had quite a few stories. One, Prince George of Kent was a junkie and a transvestite and not just as a joke on Halloween. He met a junkie girlfriend who turned him on to the World of Drugs. He winds up dying mysteriously in a plane crash and she dies mysteriously too, a year later. They teach this on YouTube. 

I hope that Prince Andrew never does himself in because of this. I'm worried about that he might like that Thomas guy. I refer to him as Prince Andrew because he will always be my Prince. I saw him in person years ago. At a distance. 

He appeared stout, like a keg of dynamite, like a Chinese Emperor. Royal. 

Whatever his personal indiscretions, he stands with a fine establishment of years of interwoven history of heraldry and all kinds of twists and turns and court intrigues. In spite of it all, the Crown weather's the storm and the Crown stands strong. 

Stories about this and that are nothing new with Royalty. We must stand with Royalty. 

God Bless them all. 

If my parents were actually people who were on the ball, and had I gotten a fair shake, I'd have my birth certificate. Then I could move to Hong Kong at any time and stay there without worrying about travel visas etc. 

My parents were flakes, crackpots. 

Fiction: From coincidence, I saw a video on the internet. The city was clearing a graveyard to make space to build a rendering plant and I saw my parents graves being dynamited! 

And then one day, I saw a porn ad which read, 'Your stepmother will make you beg for it.'

And I thought,  "What, from the grave? In any case, it's too late for even that, since I saw my parents grave being dynamited on a video on the internet."

Then I told my probation officer that story. My probation officer said,  "Your stepmother? Really? If you think that's hot, you've been in prison too long."

Wednesday, October 5, 2025 

Today, I finally reached the end of the Doomsday level on Arizona Sunshine. I kill enough zombies and then get let in to an area where I become a zombie and have to be shot. 

I think I might actually be shot. If England sees what I wrote about Prince Andrew, I might get a headshot from a snipers bullet, high impact rifle. One shot. Sometimes it takes two shots as the head is cut in half. 

That would be major. Then I would be in the afterlife. 

I thought I lost my reading glasses. I found them an hour and a half larger. They were next to my computer. I looked everywhere else. 

Now I lost a demi-joint. Usually, I find a full joint but half a joint could mean a better strain. A few times I lost things and then a few days later, they just turned up. Sometimes a ghost will swipe something only to return it a few days later. It was rolled and twisred in a distinct way. 

I'm not going to spend the next two hours looking for it. 

"You were always in the back of my mind." Spandau Ballet 

That half joint will be in the back of my y mind all evening. What a roast. What a roach. 

Disconcetingly or not, depending on who you ask, the News said that the flamingo at the Butterfly Gardens in Victoria BC is queer. The bird had a husband that died a couple of years ago. 

I've heard of birds that could be queer like penguins being the most famous one of all. 

I didn't know the flamingo at the Butterfly Gardens was queer. I thought it was straight and this despite it being all pink in color. And with pink feathers too. That's the only thing on the net that can still look heterosexual even thought it's covered with pink feathers. 

Last year, I visited the Butterfly Gardens. That was on a day which was one of the last times I've ever seen Heather whom I love more than life itself. 

The flamingo was there when I saw it. Of course it reminded me of Miami Vice. 

That bird is a golden opportunity for comedy. 

The birds husband died. Of what? Avian AIDS? 

That bird is 50 years old with a birthday next month. 

That bird lived a lot longer than even some millionaires even though they were rich with money. A lot of millionaires didn't make it to 50. 

The flamingo doesn't look a day over 30. 35  tops. What's its secret? Oil of flamingO-Lay. 

Mango the gay flamingo's birthday is coming up very soon, in a few days. On November 22, 2025. Go! Why not? A gay birthday party. It's not like going to a gay wedding which would have even more pageantry, but you can't have it all. 

There will be flamingo cupcakes, probably penguin cupcakes, flamingo themed events and a lecture about flamingos in general. Alas, despite being a gay birthday party, there is no word on whether there will be cocaine and poppers. I'm thinking probably not. 

Thursday, October 6, 2025 

"Don't mind us. After all, Belial Day only comes but once a year." Aldous Huxley, Ape and Essence 

Supreme Court of Canada orders cull of 300 ostriches. #Satanic 

What can you say? 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 

Play Canadian games, win Canadian prizes. 

Play Vancouver games, win Vancouver prizes. 

Play Stabcouver games, win Stabcouver prizes. 

The ostrich cull is in Edgewood BC. 

Play Edgewood games, win Edgewood prizes. 

Play BC games, win BC prizes. 

Play Court games, win Court prizes. 

Play bizarre games, win bizarre prizes. 

The CFIA went ahead with its decision despite the fact that none of the birds exhibited any symptoms for a year. Good thing that the CFIA isn't in charge of the hospitals otherwise there would be none of us here.

"If droids could think, there would be none of us here." Ben Kenobi, Attack of the Clones 

Its about muscle flexing, demonstrating clout, and pulling rank. Political posturing. Just like a doctor will side swipe and second guess you. Of you say right, they'll say left. If you say left, they'll say right. 

So in that case, the ostrich farm should have requested the CFIA cull the birds.  Cause then, the ostriches would definitely be alive. 

"You know what, mate?  If you're so obsessed with Bridget Jones, why don't you just marry her? Cause then, she'd definitely shag me." Hugh Grant, Bridget Jones Diary. 

It's just like the movie Killers of the Flower Moon. Once the Feds get involved, there's nothing that can be done. 

There's a bunch of people who won't be voting for Mark Carney in the next election. Like they voted for him in the last election. Rural communities are known to vote Conservative. If the Conservatives were in power, things might be different. 

Yeah, sure. If if and buts were horses and nuts. 

Tennyson said,  "Mother Nature can be very red in tooth and claw.". Let's face it, every day, quite a few million animals die as other animals eat them and then half the time, these animals are also themselves eaten. The ostriches were in a farm, a place that was supposed to protect them fron all predators. Now they're being struck down. 

The CFIA wouldn't even let the farm export the ostriches to the States where there were people willing to take them in. Again, that's muscle flexing, rank pulling and political posturing. 

My advice to the farmers is to vote with your feet, and move to the States. I'm not sure if Canada needs them but they sure don't need Canada. If you live in a country, ask yourself, are you getting a 'good deal'? If not, you owe nothing to any country. Obviously any country that did them as dirty as Canada did. They owe no loyalty to anything like that. 

Its their temperament of they want to stay or not but if it were me and I had the money, I'd leave. They could ask that US billionaire friend of theirs who paid for their legals costs to help them with expediting citizenship applications to the United States. That would be a happy ending for those farmers that I would like to see. I wish them the very best. 

Because often, when a person has difficulties, it isn't because of who they are but because of where they are. Things about them that are such an issue in one place is irrelevant in another. Certain involuntary structural BS like lack of adequate infrastructure is problems. Better to move to a place with better and fully developed decent infrastructure. 

Vancouver has a new women's soccer team called The Vancouver Golden Eyes. 

Fiction:

A News reporter asks the coach. 

Reporter: "What do you expect from your athletes? What's a Golden Eye in your mind?" 

Coach:  "It's one step up from a brown eye, just past the taint."

Reporter: "I'm not sure that you have the right vision to coach a women's soccer team."

A golden eye is a type of duck. 

I thought that the women's soccer team was named after The James Bond 007 movie. 

The ideal is that sports games are rigged to appease government sports lotto maximum profits. 

The reality is that players can screw up plays like the hockey player who had the soccer equivalent of a free kick completely lost the puck, it slipped away from him when he was going to make a score. Then it was the Canucks players turn and he made the score! 

If a player screws up the play then the result of the game would not be the outcome that the government wanted. 

If that's the case, that hockey players are arriving achieve a score formation based on a last minute calculation of all bets tallied, done on a computer of course to derive a score formation that achieves maximum profits, does that mean that hockey players are government agents? 

That's hockey for you, either you're a free agent or you're a government agent. 

The sports betting indictments are that the private sector can set up different odds and payout structures. But when they try to rig a game to suit an independently derived algorithm of a favorable score formation to achieve maximum profit, this directly conflicts with the score formation that the government wanted to attain a maximum profit margin to pay for infrastructure, why this becomes an issue of National Security. Or does it? What. Just one game or a set of games in one sport? I doubt it. But it's still illegal. 

I fell off the fence of financial restraint again and got two really good movies for $5 which is better than getting one mediocre movie for $10. 

I got Noah. Spectacular cinematography. And it's a Biblical movie. I also have another Biblical movie, Exodus Gods and Kings. If I were to watch them in chronological order, I'd have to watch Noah first. 

There is the scenes of the animatronic puppets, the stone golems and Jennifer Connolly who was probably thinking that she was on familiar territory after being in the movie Labyrinth. 

The stone golems weren't in the Biblical story at all. 

Noah was released in 2014 and has good production values. 

The other movie I got for $5 was Hero. There are two famous visionary directors involved. 

Quentin Tarantino. He directed The Hateful Eight which is spectacular on the level of crystals, rainbows, glaciers and waterfalls. That movie is unbelievably stunning and spectacular. 

Zhang Yimou. I mean it's Zhang fricking Yimou. Heron is a 2004 movie with 2004 production values. Yimou directed legendary movies during the 90s, uh, Red Sorghum, Raise the Red Lantern, We Live. 

The movie starts off looking like the typical martial arts movie. 

The premise is Jet Li, the Hero killed three famous assassins. He tells this story to an emperor with the telling of each story, the hero is allowed to advance closer to the emperor. Let me guess. Jet Li decides to have a British go at the emperor. But like a probation officer who physically knocks down an assault suspect who tries to rush him, the emperor defeats the Hero. 

The emperor sometimes appears to be an effete publican autocrat, but they all have high level martial arts training quite a few levels above that of the ordinary person. 

Any Royalty anywhere, Monarch, Prince, Princess, their martial arts skills are absolutely lethal and not to be underestimated. This is actual true fact in real life. 

Even most heads of State unless they are old and feeble, can give any citizen a run for their money. 

2004 production values. I'm expecting the movie to have some spectacular scenes. 

Zhang Yimou directed The House of Flying Daggers. The all green bamboo forest scene was a lush opulent spectacle of intense visual vibrancy. 

I have a pair of headphones that I bought for $4.50 quite a few years ago. Today, one side of the headphones died, just died. So today, it's was 70s mono headphone style. 

I thought of getting another pair at Walmart because sometimes they have the most amazing low priced headphones. A few times I got headphones there for a low price and thought that I never had headphones this nice before. Ever. And for such a low price. I got a pair of ONN headphones that were just amazing. I still have them. 

That's why I didn't go. No use going through $20 "for new headphones if I don't have to. I have at least a couple more headphones that I bought for low prices and just held on to them for times such as this. 

Because of the housing crisis, I will always fear the future. 

Catholic Priests take on vows of poverty yet live in houses nicer than most of us. 

The Catholic Church has always been financially immune to recessions, Dpepressions, and housing crises. The housing crisis sure doesn't make them fear the future. I wish I were more like a Catholic in that way. 

Hopefully I can get the one answer I need that will stop my fear of the future. 

Oh, Ghost of Christmas future, I fear you more than any other ghoats. 

This goes without saying that the Catholic Church and Protestant Church is more spiritual than I am. 

However, to underscore this, two weeks ago, Catholic and Protestant Churches alike told the story of the humble tax collector who said, Lord have pity on me and the rich arrogant Priest who thought he was the cats pajamas. 

Priests themselves have said,  "Don't think that we are more spiritual than you. We have seen people who had access to less spiritual resources and supports than we have yet in spite of this, they still have faith and a gratitude for life. These people inspire even us."

I always thought that Priests have way more faith than I do. 

For one thing, Priests hear stories all the time from people who had religious dreams. Priests even had some religious dreams themselves that were a doozy. Priests also see dying people reaching out and saying things like them seeing heaven, Jesus, God, angels etc. Priests seen this first hand so many times that they have empirical evidence to bolster their faith. But just knowing about this can bolster anybody's faith. 

This is happening all over the planet. People pay more and more rent every year, but buildings made of brick erode over time. The first to wear down is the mortar which shrinks and expands over time due to water and temperature changes. 

That's why with every passing winter, my room seems cold and colder. The physics of this dimension are awful. Just awful. 

I saw some nice headphones online at Walmart. I can't tell you which one they are or you'd all go and get them so when I get there, the headphones would be sold out. I doubt it. Walmart endlessly orders headphones from their suppliers. That's the ideal, anyways. The reality? Why not? 

I found a pair of old headphones. Not bad. These headphones just smoke and smoke smoke and smoke and smoke. The bass is phenomenal. I'm still stunned at how indrediblly technocandy cyberpunk hot the headphones sound. These are $17 headphones. Not bad. ONN brand. From Sweden. 

The headquarters are in Sweden. The actual production has been outsourced to China. 

Despite it all, I don't see myself ever leaving Victoria. 

A few years ago, I pictured myself traveling to Europe. I pictured colorful festive European markets. I can see that anytime on YouTube. 

Got to HuebiVR. All in one word. And look up Dresden Christmas market. Even if you don't have VR goggles, the video still works. You can see for yourself how fantasmagoria wonderland fantasy diorama world that Europe is. 

Victoria BC is the best town for me. 

I need to feel bliss. I'll tell you about some of the most blissful days I have ever had. 

- I was in Vancouey in 2011. Cloudy day. I went to the Maritime Museum to see the RCMP St Roch and I visited the Vancouver Museum with all its dioramas. The heavenly vibes of the place. To say that they were through the roof would be an understatement. I went back to the hotel room I was staying in and sighed loudly quite a few times involuntarily. That's how intense the heavenly vibes were. 

- One time, I saw a Jean Claude Van Couver video about the Jericho Hostel. I thought the Jericho Hostel was located on 4th Avenue near the old army barracks. I felt a wave of bliss that was through the roof. Actually the host is located on Locarno Drive which is somewhat out of the way. 

- Seeing a picture of Connections thrift store in Sidney BC, Canada. I looked up at the windows on the second floor. I imagined living up there in one of those two rooms. The room set up would be, there would be, looking directly at the front of the building, a bed on the wall to the right aboit two feet away from the window, I would sleep with my head pointing West, the entrance to the room would also be on the right hand side of the room. Near the door, there would be a bar or a shelf about one and a half feet wide about four feet away from the door and there would be an opening, a walkway where the shelf would end on the right side of the room. On the left side of the room near the bed, there would be a living room carpet, tan, and with a television on the left or North side of the room. To the left of the television next to the window would be a writing desk. The room wouldn't be totally clean but not messy either. There would be enough things about to make the place look lived in. I imagine that while looking at pictures of the thrift store on Google maps street view along with listening to Steely Dan Gaucho, the songs that didn't make it on to the original album. Gaucho Out takes. 

That building and that music might not do it for a lot of people. Anyone will have a different particular combination of building or else town matched with some music that just thinking about it, brings waves of heavenly bliss. It has to be a town that is known to you. Towns that you visited quite a few times. It doesn't work with towns that you don't know about at all, only heard of. 

The upstairs of Connections Thrift store is very different from what I imagine. From what I could see from the street down below, the second and top floor looks to be either a storeroom for clothing or else a classroom. 

- lots and lots of times going to Church and then afterwards in the afternoons listening to 70s music. That always does it. 

- all of Vancouver has heavenly vibes. You would think onky the West side because of the money and affluence. The East Side of Vancouver has heavenly vibes detected that are simply right through the roof. 

Saturday, October 8, 2025 

Tonight at 7pm on CHEK channel 6, there is a boxing match at the Bay Street Armoury

in Victoria BC. 

On the way from Vancouver to Victoria, someone stole their truck which had a boxing ring. They set up another boxing ring and even the owner said it's just a hiccup. 

I hope that the Police catch whoever swiped the boxing ring. 

On the News, I have to describe it, photo of the day, a small black pug dog with emergent crooked lower teeth which featured very conspicuously. The anchor said, "That dog is from Kamloops. The sports anchor is also from Kamloops."

Is that dog is the sports anchor's love child? If it is, whoa, the sports anchor has been around. 

You can sure see the resemblance in the teeth. 

In any event, fully aware that this is what psychology calls transference, I feel that Herbessa is my daughter. Herbessa, the black Abyssinian Guinea pig is literally, rather than figuratively, my actual real daughter. However, on a genetic level, that notion that would be difficult to reconcile, if not impossible. 

If I think that Herbessa is my daughter, that means that I am brain damaged. 

There is a solid gold toilet. Solid Gold. The sh*ts just keep on coming. 

Today, despite some slight feelings of guilt, I am taking the day off. I worked for the last two days. 

There is an area with lots of leaves. I'll do it next week. This area is an area where cars enter. The cars usually enter mostly before 9 am on weekdays which is when Court is in session. After 9 am, the cars enter with less frequency. The sheriff van carrying the prisoners makes an appearance sometime around 10:30 am. 

I noticed leaves, a lot more than usual since its Autumn. I cleaned a few areas last week, but that was before 9 am and there were lots of cars entering quite often. I decided to wait until after 9 am which I was going to do anyways. The few areas I cleaned were cosmetic. They were areas of small surface area but cleaning those areas are pivotal to making the place look a lot nicer. To clean that 1% area of space made the place look 20% nicer. 

I'm going to do that area, possibly next week on Remembrance Day. The area where the sheriff van drives through, in Sherlock Holmes time, it would have been a large wooden police van that horses pulled. I imagine this is a hundred years ago, and I am sweeping the area where the sheriff's van with horses pulling it would regularly drive through. It has a real 1800s gasoline alley cobblestone streets Sherlock Holmes kind of vibe. 

Frankenstein 2025. Visually spectacular masterpiece. Exceeds all expectations. Mesmerizing. Mind blowing. Amazing. Top class. 

I still hope to live a life where I am feeling bliss and heavenly vibes all the time. I don't know if watching horror movies like Frankenstein helps. 

Heavenly vibes is often about music. 

I played Arizona Sunshine the original. Horde mode, the Canyon. Awful. Just awful. Deplorable. Horrenderous. The newest rebooted Arizona Sunshine, the difference is like night and day. 

Although, when it was first released, it seemed cutting edge. Now it looks crude and primitive. 

I wonder what the next generation of VR goggles will look like? One day the Arizona Sunshine Remake will seem crude and primitive. But right now it seems visceral and cutting edge. You have to get Arizona Sunshine Remake. Then you will experience what all other zombie VR titles try to be. 

Zombie Army VR. $40. The zombies that are shot disappear. What, is this the 2000s, disappearing slain. The horde mode in Zombie Army VR looks no better than the horde mode in Arizona Sunshine the original released ten years ago. $40?! $45 with tax?!! BS! 

Arizona Sunshine. The slain zombies don't disappear. 

And Arizona Sunshine is $30. Much better. 

6 pm. The anxiety has returned. A low hanging miasma of anxiety. It's a Brüning feeling in the guts. I think it's over for me. Even with Ashwagandha, the anxiety returned. I'm better off dead. 

7:30 pm. After having gone to the washroom, a few times, I feel better. Waking up, having to go to the bathroom, can cause cortisol which causes anxiety. Go to the washroom! 

Now I'm at the point where I'm not sure if the anxiety is still there or not. I suppose that's what you call feeling better. 

I watched the boxing match. A few matches. First match lightweight. Second match middleweight. You can clearly see the difference in weight class. 

A fight between two female boxers. I said out loud that one of them could be a probation officer or works for the judicial branch. Probation officer during the week, boxer in the weekends. It turns out that one of them is a female Police Officer! 

I wasn't exactly expecting John Sullivan style one hundred rounds of bare knuckle boxing. John Sullivan VS Jack Johnson. That would be the 1905 version of Rocky VS Mr T. 

It would have been dubbed the fight of the century even though the century was then just five years old. 

There were no decisive knockout. They were all technical wins. 

The classic move for a knock out is the uppercut to the jawbone with maximum PSI, just give 'er! This causes the neck to snap back suddenly causing a slight disruption to the nerve signals. A whiplash effect. Result, a knock out on a surgical level. Ask any doctor. 

I didn't see the uppercut at all. Of course that's the number one thing all boxers are trained for and moving the head back quickly is just all it takes to defend against a potential uppercut to the jaw. 

The Main Event is a heavyweight match. One boxer has a bleeding cut above his right eye. Visibility affected in one eye can make a difference in a fight. Mow the other boxer has a cut near his left eye. A bad one. 

Worst ending. The boxer with the cut above his right eye, the cut got worse. It opened to the point where the bone could be seen! The orbital bone. On doctors advice, the fight was stopped to be continued another day. Sometime in March. There's a rematch? Of course there's a rematch. 

Despite what's happening with Andrew, the Royal Family of England is fine and strong and always will be. 

This is merely the Lion in Winter. 

Even in tough wintry times, the British Crown is still the Lion. 

I am poor but loyal. 

Despite any doubts, it is my duty to stay alive for the sake of the Realm. It is a glorious realm of enchantment and true striving for the higher things in life. 

A YouTube comment said that King William and Queen Kate will make a difference. 

The century ahead promises technological development and evolution. 

A book written in 1963 is the Spirits from the author Allan Kardec easily found online as a free pdf. I found out about this from a video from Shaman Oaks on YouTube. 

After skipping the intro which also talks about how although he was French, he looked more German, the book gets into some real profound industrial grade heavy duty reading regarding the spirit world and the afterlife. 

He writes about how humans will go through many things like a housing crisis but these things will all eventually go away due to human evolution and advancement and development. 

Despite the foibles which will eventually go away, what will remain is the strong British Royal Family which we must all stand for because they stand behind us. 

I will never leave Victoria BC. I might go on a vacation but I will return. If I had the courage, I would travel to Quebec City for the incredible Christmas settings and also a trip to Europe would be hard core. England, Germany and Poland. 

If I were in Poland, I would visit North Poland such as Warsaw and Gdansk. I would avoid Southern Poland such as Krakow because I am scared of World War 2. 

Germany, Berlin would be a priority. See the Brandenburg Gate which would remind me of the Tannhauser Gate in the movie Blade Runner. I would need to visit the Wuppertal valley to ride the Wuppertal Schwebebahn. 

England. I would need to cross Tower Bridge and see the Parliament Buildings. I would need to see the Sherlock Holmes Museum but before that, go to Piccadilly Circus to score some c & h so I could mainline before going to the Sherlock Holmes Museum so as to get the real authentic Sherlock Holmes seven percent solution experience. However, since I'm not actually expecting that I'd actually find any drugs at Piccadilly Circus, I'd be just as happy to skip that and just go to the museum clean and sober. 

Visit a few Royal places, palaces etc. 

Visit Hyde Park. I won't be making a speech at Hyde Park. Social media has made speech making at Hyde Park an obsolete pastime. 

Long Live the King. 

The Ashwagandha I got is 200 ml gummies. 

The proviso is that the optimal dosage is 600 ml a day. 

I do fine on two 200 ml a day, once every 12 hours give or take a few hours. 

Tonight, I had two 200 ml gummies about three hours apart. I had one this morning so today, I did 600 ml. 

Jamieson Ashwagandha gummies, 60 gummies, 200 ml, $30

Walmart gummies - $20 

At 3 a day, 60 won't last long. I'd usually do a minimum of two a day. If I'm not on it for awhile, the anxiety comes back again. 

Someone in the comments section said they've been doing it for 20 years. The idea is that it takes two weeks to feel the full effect. But after 60 days, a person should take a two month break. 

I'll see how I feel. It might permanently adjust my whatever in the body so that one day I won't feel anxiety despite not being on Ashwagandha. That would be a dream. 

I feel a calmness I haven't felt since I was a teenager when the world was new and the future beckoned before me. Yeah, right. How the hell did that work out? 

Watching Frankenstein 2025, the movie is so lush and opulent that I watch about half an hour of it and then I fall asleep. It's called a sleeper hit. 

The movie is so overwhelming that it takes extra energy to watch it. In a good way. Luckily with VR and the Arc Max environment on Big Screen VR, I get to watch the movie in an IMAX theatre. Incredible experience. 

Even with around $300, a person can get a Quest 3S. That's still really good. 

Guillermo del Toro is a genius. Nightmare Alley, The Shape of Water are historically cinematic masterpieces. Over the top. The movie is absolutely gorgeous which is quite an accomplishment since the plot centers around a hideous beast. A person brought back from the dead who can not be killed. It gets better. Grace Randolph said the first half of the movie is told from the professors perspective. The second half of the movie is told from the monsters perspective. 

The classic Frankenstein story is always the shipwreck, then the laboratory and then the windmill. 

This might be the best movie this year so far and that's saying something because this year had so many good movies. 

Sunday, October 9, 2025 

I think that I'll probably be killed. This dimension is awful. 

Truth is stranger than fiction. But delusion is stranger than truth. 

Two different people requested to follow me on my meta VR Facebook. Their names are Ciara. 

Ciara sounds like Sierra which is RCMP code for suicide. 

On YouTube comments about Prince Andrew, it said,  "Virginia Guiffre tweeted many times that she was not suicidal and if she died, that means she was done in."

PA paid £12 million in an out of Court settlement but that only works in Civil Court cases. You can't pay out of Court settlemtns in criminal court as the victim cannot reverse the charges. Yeah, but now as it seems, the criminal Courts are after Prince Andrew. What a roast! Still, I'm hoping that as a Royal Prince, that he does well. It's not like he killed anyone. Even if he's a former, I mean once MI-5, always MI-6. 

In criminal court, a person can make a plea deal, plead guilty for a lesser sentence whereas in Civil Court, a person can not. 

In Civil Court, a person can make an out of Court settlement can be made whereas in Criminal Court, a person can not. 

I have a few times thought of quitting life altogether. I wouldn't do it. 

If I was found dead then I too would have been suicided. 

Debbie Hellion said in 2017, the government is expanding the Maid program. 

I think I'll be killed because I am always advising people to move to another country if their country doesn't work for them and one of these countries includes Canada. 

Play Canadian games win Canadian prizes. 

I am baffled that people from the Philippines would move to Dawson Creek. The Catholic Church is responsible for sponsoring them to move there. For higher wages. So for money, some people have sold themselves out for riches of the kind that money can't buy. 

The weather in the Philippines is way way better. The shopping mall in Manila is state of the art futuristic and very large. The Philipinos are a racial majority in their own country. 

So they would move to some backwater town with backwater infrastructure with way way worse weather and be a racial minority for money. Talk about taking a step backwards. That simply doesn't make sense. 

For sentiments like that which go against the local line, I will probably be killed. 

It would be a weird day, but it would soon enough be gotten over with. Hopefully I can hook up with some of my friends that I knew from this life. 

Although, in the past, the Police have tried to talk me out of committing suicide. They would do that for anyone else. 

I also donate to the Police charity every year without fail. 

I thought I had powers to tell the future but years ago, I didn't see the pandemic coming. How could I have missed something like that if I self claim to be able to tell the future? 

If I were to be killed for my opinions, there would be none of us left. I doubt that my opinions are the smartest or most controversial or the most intellectual. Far from it. There are people I don't know about, if I knew about them, every thing they say or write, I would think that they are a mentor or a Jedi Master or something like that. 

I don't think that I'll make it to 60. 

Three years ago, my HPA axis was spiking through the roof. I really thought that I'd die of a nervous breakdown in less than two weeks. I ordered a book from the bookstore. And when I ordered it, I told the cashier that it wouldn't be guaranteed that I'd return to pick up the book because I might be dead in one week from a nervous breakdown. I actually told her that. 

As it turned out, I was able to pick up the book. 

The book was about Emily Carr whom I often think about. When she was in England, she suffered a nervous breakdown and thought that she was brain damaged. Her friend told her that since she was still quite sharp, that it was doubtful that she had brain damage. 

Whenever I wonder if I have brain damage, I think of Emily Carr when she was in England. 

Ciara is the name of a popular singer. 

It is pronounce Kiara and sounds like Keira which was the name of one of my Guinea pigs. She was a pure white Guinea pig and stood in a certain spot in the center of the eall every morning. I called her my morning star. Of I died now and was reunited with her in heaven. That's a fate I could accept. 

I am worried about new followers on facebook. 

I Google based Android tablet and on the Amazon fire OS, you never get any follower requests ever. I accept them. I don't know what to think of them, but whatever it is. It isn't good. 

Someone called MonsterB8.kill was following me but when I looked closer st the name, I deleted or blocked the follower. That's the forces of life. Get a certain kind of energy and get a worse energy in return. Or deleting it could have been an error. Once in awhile, someone who is a celebrity have followed me on Twitter. Verified celebrities. 

Monster could have been a celebrity. Who cares. I thought the entire handle was scary. 

It could be better in the States. The States knows how to hustle. 

There isn't the level of food insecurity in the States as there is in Canada. Even with Trump shutting off the SNAP program which the US Supreme Court demanded that he reinstate, the States has a small town every few miles on the highway and food storage. In Canada you could go a hundred miles down the highway and it not have anything like that. 

Canada is some British Colonial BS. 

If, in some parallel Universe, the States was a colony and Canada was independent like the States, the States would wind up being some outback like Australia with less population than England and Canada would have about 150 million people, just like Russia. Of course Canada wouldn't have the 400 million population that the States does because Canada has such awful, simply awful weather. 

Debbie Hellion said that in Canada, a lady at the hospital who had some sever illness was recommended MAID. She went to the States and got her illness taken care of. Play Canadian games, win Canadian prizes. 

Best to vote with our feet. Move to another and better country. 

The States has better technology than Canada does at any given time. Cedars Sinai, John Hopkins University hospital, Bethesda Hospital. These are hard core top rated hospitals. 

If you have the money, in Canada, there's a good possibility you could get MAID. If you have money in the States, you truly do have access to the very best in medical technology, better than anything in Canada or England, no BS. 

This is the world I live in. I wish I could give up on life altogether but do I have that option? 

Tracy Morgan, when he get into that accident with the Walmart truck said that he went to heaven and say God and God said,  "Your house is not ready yet. It is not your time. You have more to do."*

Therefore, none of us truly has that option, although, 

"I want to get off the bus

Everybody wants to get off the bus."

SCTV, Ingmar Bergman 

If I had the option, I'd want to be in heaven with Heather and my babies. Ai has generated videos of heaven that are amazing. Think wide large floors of white marble with round pools of water with plants and a small waterfall, and these pools are next to slightly hourglass shaped white tiled pillars with gold accents all throughout the place. Then picture flying above a gold city. These cities all look somewhat like the Schwedagon in Burma. The sky is a gold color too and there are rivers of flowing gold waters flowing throughout of high architectural precision. 

"Where the castles are made of gingerbread and the moats are filled with mulberry wine."  Game of Thrones 

*source: Andrea O Connor, Celebrity NDEs, YouTube

I went to the Catholic Church today. 

During mass, the Priest said that the Reformation created a schism with the formation of two Churches. Over the next century, the Church seeks to unify the two branches to firm one massive mega Church. 

Kind of like the merging of Home Sense and Winners. 

That's why King Charles visited the Vatican. He wasn't there for no reason. There was a major Catholic-Protestant synod. Major. 

In a billion years, the Milly Way and the Andromeda Galaxy will merge to Form the Grand Megallanic Galaxy. 

This sounds like something worthwhile to strive for, certainly on an ecumenical level. 

I'm converting to Catholicism. Protestants are flaky. 

"Coke is dead. It's as dead as dead. But heroin is coming back in a big way."  Pulp Fiction

Protestantism is dead. It's as dead as dead. But Catholicism is coming back in a big way. 

Protestant Churches, Christ Church Cathedral, St Andrew's Presbyterian. The attendance is skimpy at best. At Andrews Catholic. The place is bursting to the rafters with attendance. Why do you think that is? 

After 20 years of texting and social media, the collective energy wave has come to a consensus that Catholicism is more cooler, party party party, it's more networky, and it has a unified cohesive institution that unifies them all into one very big copiously attended family which is the Vatican. 

Protestantism is a bunch of disparate flyblown schisms, with sparse attendance in comparison. 

Protestantism is dead and dying. 

Catholicism is verdant, prolific, fecund, profound. 

A person feels more loved at a Catholic Church than they do at a Protestant Church. I guess people go where the love is. 

I have friends at the Protestant Churches. Friendships are not easily walked away from.

"To Kasshyk I will go. Good relations with the Wookies I have." Yoda, Revenge of the Sith 

I have the power to predict the future. 

The way things are going, with the information that I have and that information is: 

The world is going to hell in a handbasket. 

I predict that I won't make it to 60. 

I am 55 and a half years old now. I doubt that I'll make it to 60 because that's what my mind tells me. 

I asked my dead mother why she didn't abort me. In my mind, I imagined a voice. Day dreaming. She was angry,  "How would you expect a mother to abort her own child for no reason!" 

I wouldn't call it the physics of this dimension. 

I would call it the settings of the physics of this dimension. 

The afterlife has the same set of physics only set faster. Set to a thousand x whereas this dimension is the OG one x. 

Well, the settings of the physics of this dimension are f*cked. It has sure done a number on me. Now I'm not sure that I'll make it to 60. 

I didn't know that Rasputin was Ukrainian. The Ukrainian village that the Ruskies attacked the other day, Pokorovsk. That's the village Rasputin came from. 

Rasputin is called Russian because Ukraine was once a Province of Russia. I didn't know that village was in Ukraine. It used to be called Pokrovskoye. 

It looks like Borats village where he came from. 

After so many all right movies, I asked God for a really major interesting movie, a real good and fascinating movie. Did He ever deliver. Frankenstein. There is not one single second of the move that isn't visually spectacular over the top. The story has the viewer glued to the screen like crazy glue, never mind Velcro. The movie is opulent and rich like rich food. Think extra caffeine medium roast coffee with a stew with real white truffle oil. I've had that. At a fine local French restaurant. I walked out of there with my heartbeat elevated for a few hours. 

It's the real deal Frankenstein. The whole nine yards. The lightning was there, the laboratory was there, the Tesla coil was there. 

Can people be brought back to life? 

Sure! It happens all the time at the hospital with the OR nurse saying, "You flatlined for 17 seconds there but we have the heart paddles and the doctor refused to give up. He's seen worse cases." 

It takes two weeks to feel the full effects of Ashwagandha. What this means is that although a person feels a reduction and then a disappearance of the burning anxiety within a couple of days, the rewiring of thought processes, how a person handles perception and decisions, they develop a I simply don't care kind of attitude involuntarily over time. They perceive the energy of others around them, no longer is it, Oh, everyone is thinking about me, it becomes, hardly anyone ever thinks of me, why would thay, everyone is thinking about themselves respectively, and you get this not just on an intellectual level but on an understanding level. 

The News, God bless them forever, one summer had a story about a summer time family swimming pool event. The father said to his children,  "I told you that nervousness and excitement are actually the same thing."

Glass half empty, nervousness. Glass half full, excitement. With ashwagandha, the chips always fall on the side of glass half full excitement whereas before it was always glass half empty. I feel the churning and realize that I am excited and looking forward to the next small thing be it a cigarette, a cup of tea or coffee, a good movie on the television. 

King David said,  "God is my refuge."

The God of Israel is my refuge. 

This means that whatever tawdry BS things of this dimension get to me, such as some damned awful ads on television, I am connected to a greater 1T broadband processing speed reality that exists out there on another frequency. 

Some ads are all right. Other ads just make me feel that I'd be better off living in Germany. 

Today, I told my neighbour about my worries about Ciara and being suicided and my friend didn't think that I would be killed. "I don't think that you'll be killed." 

That's kind of why I'd worry about the future. 

I think I'll be single for life. I'll be like SCP-049 who looks like a medieval plague doctor and wanders the realm of one hundred thousand years. 

SCP-049 is cursed. 

I'm cursed. But not cursed enough. Not cursed to the point where my mother had aborted me. 

I try to feel 'the spirit of the morning' or 'the spirit of the Canadian morning'.  I've felt that since I was a child. The spirit of the Canadian morning with the CBC television station on is very beautiful. 

CBC, be it television or radio has always always had the most beautiful sound that verges on heavenly. Even when the most snarkiest leftist guests are on saying the most snide things which would make me immediately remember that my refuge is in the God of Israel and the setting of the physics of this dimension are doing a number on me as much as ever. And that hopefully this grim interlude would be over soon. 

CBC television. Keep it on for a full day. Guaranteed you will feel better. On an overall scheme, the CBC has a heavenly sound of the spirit of the Canadian morning. 

Jesus said,  "Don't worry." 

King Kong vs Godzilla. Who would win? Godzilla because of the fire breathing from his mouth. 

Jesus VS SCP-049. Who would win? Jesus, of course. Jesus is the Son of God. SCP-049 is just an anomaly. 

Well then, SCP-049 VS Frankenstein. Who would win? It would be a draw. Frankenstein has superhuman strength and can not be killed but SCP-049 has mystical powers. What they are, I'm not sure. But the power is there. 

I have a Heather shaped hole in my heart that will be there for life. I can't make it without her. I'll never experience sweetness on that level ever again. 

There's a famous Chinese movie star who's old now. He looks like my Chinese landlord but he isn't as venal as my Chinese landlord. My landlord was so obsessed with money that he makes Mr Scrooge look like Mother Teresa. 

My Chinese landlord wasn't that venal. One time, he found $5 and suggested that the $5 goes towards a Chinese meal at a restaurant. He could have just pocketed it. 

As a Christian, I will always wish him well. I would avoid him otherwise because I am not sure abotlut the energy. 

I hope that he turns even more to Christianity, or Islam, or Buddhism or Hindoo or whatever else. 

A Priest at a Church always says "Hopefully all will come to know the love of Jesus Christ."

As a Christian, that is an ideal that a Christian would like to embrace. 

As an empiricist, the reality is that a lot of people are hardcore into whatever they are, be it Islam or Hindooism, or Judaism, etc etc Buddhism, etc etc 

So the love of Jesus might not be as much of a priority for them. We'll, whatever. It doesn't matter as long as it is a form of spirituality. 

There is a lot of truth in religion. A lot of it is that each Church has its own style just as Pastor Joel Osteen and Pastor Joyce Meyer have their own style. 

I was at Catholic Mass this morning. Why not? I addressed the Priest as,  "Hello, Priest." which may sound distant but I had brain fog. I wasn't planning on saying that even one second in advance. 

The News said that berries, salmon berries have antioxidants and flavonoids which reduce brain fog. 

I'd give berries a try. 

Lundi, Octobre 10, 2025 

Today, PM Mark Carney made a speech in French ending one sentence with the words,  "Dimanche, Samedi..." 

Sunday, Saturday, what's the difference? 

Church and a six pack of beer. And not necessarily in that order! 

Six pack of beer on Saturday and Church on Sunday. Unless a person is Jewish. Then it's the Church on Saturday and the six pack of beer on Sunday.