April 2025

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Meta Quest plus. All new free apps are betches. 

Breachers. Too much details to remember. Motion sickness. 

The Climb 2. Unclimbable. 

Dental Clinic. Mental clinic. 

Thief Simulator. Develop a skillset doing B and E's. Criminality. No thanks. 

Swarm. A swarm of motion sickness. 

The free apps UNESCO Germany and Parallax is better than any of those paid apps. 

I got Trainer VR for $10. 

Train building. Similar to Toy Trains VR. 

I might take the day off. It's raining. I didn't sleep tonight but yesterday afternoon I slept for three hours which can cause insomnia the same evening. My job is a volunteer job. Cleaning the streets. I plan to do this indefinitely. I'd like to see this area as much as possible look clean and free of excess weeds growing on sidewalks and around buildings. Cities in Europe and in Asia look clean particularly in the tourist areas. I can do my part. It's a rabbit hole. Impossible. My aim isn't to clean 100% but to at least make it look somewhat noticeably better than before. 

I sweep the grounds of the Courthouse regularly. No one else seems to do it. 

Today's train diorama. Work in progress.

I got Rollercoaster Hades Wrath and Rollercoaster 2 Thor's Hammer a deal. Get both for $8 Otherwise it's $4.99 plus $7.99. Reviews pretty much say it's as good as if not better than the other Roller coaster apps and there aren't many. Released on December 16, 2024 so it looks like I'm Johnny come lately to the party on this one. How did this slip past my radar? I didn't spend any other money today. 

I'll give it a try and let you know what I think. 

Hades Wrath. Next level. Over the top. 12 stars out of 10. Goes on and on. Lots of surprises. Not bad for $4. Rider mode only. No ahooter. No haptic feedback. $4 what do you expect? Cats on Broadway? 

Trainer VR is really good. I started a train diorama. Just started. 

Trainer VR

Pluses: Cheaper than Toy Trains VR. $9 VS $14. More variety of things. People, lampposts, etc etc. 

Minuses. Very plain background. Not cozy. Very industrial. Stark. No hills, ground elevation options or water like with Toy Trains. No climate light setting, day, cloudy, night, etc as with Toy Trains VR. 

I am really really trying to budget because if I scr*w up, then I won't have food and I'd die of starvation. 

I don't think that I'll ever visit any other countries again because travelling takes too much expense and effort. 

Coaster Mania looks good. However my bank account doesn't. I'm going to wait awhile. I won't get it for some time. 

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Swept the grounds of the Courthouse. No less than 5 people said thank you to me. Thsts nice! 

I'm getting Coaster mania. The opportunity cost is a boel of wonton noodle soup or two Vietnamese spring rolls. I already have food. I have gyoza which I'm cooking with beer. The usual drill. Fry the gyoza, lid on. Then at whatever point, splash in some water or better, beer. I tried it with vodka one time. Cover the lid quickly. Fry and then steam. 

For dinner I have pesto linguine with chicken. 

I have also decided to get the Sweden Escape from World War 2 app. It has the old school vines like if I went in a time machine and went back there. Kinda depressing. World War 2, the European theatre. 

Eff it. I got End of Night. $3.91. There must have been occasions where I paid more than that in taxes and tips alone after a restaurant meal. $3.91 in this day and age isn't a lot of money. It's a 20 minute trip to old benighted days in Europe. 

The story is about a man who escapes from Sweden to Denmark during WW2. The movie Sisu did mention just offhand, that Sweden was under German military occupied during the Second World 2. 

I checked out this app. Bleak. Black and white. Arthouse Europe. While on the app, I got a call. There is no reason anyone should be calling me. The name who called me is J sin 269. I turned off the VR glasses and when back on, I put a block on this person. I did that before for another called called Ranveer. Scammer. I wonder if it was the Chinese landlord trying to get me to go in on the welfare overseas travel scam again as his name begins with J. I wonder if he uses VR goggles though. I once saw a store in Slovenia on the internet and for some reason I really thought that he might have been a part owner of that store. But I've never heard him speak Slovenian. Even if he did, I would have just thought it was Russian. 

This app is like Epic Roller Coaster VR meets Schindler List. Yikes is it ever bleak. So bleak that Charles Dickens Bleak House would seem like a Guardians of the Galaxy movie next to this old tin bucket. 

The next one is the majorly one. Coaster mania. 

As a child in the 70s, who didn't have the hot wheels tracks with the loop? And then run the hot wheels car down the ramp and through the loop? 

"It is nothing without the loop." The Simpsons 

Then many decades later, I got a Sony PSP video game where one can actually design a roller coaster. I got another Psp game where one can design an amusement park. 

Then I got VR goggles with the one free standard issue roller coaster app, Epic Roller Coasters. Just one of the roller coaster rides, let alone all of them, are better than every video game of Atari 2600, Intellivision and Coleco Vision put together. More fun. More intense. Especially the shooter mode. Which is definitely better than all the Atari 2600 games put together. 

This costs $14 and I'm psyching myself and bracing myself for the expense. $14 plus tax. Probably $16.50 or something like that. 

The beautiful part will be months later, still playing the app, totally forgetting about the day that I paid the money for it. In that way, it will feel like it's a free app. 

I got Coaster Mania. $12 instead of $14.

I saw the movie Primal Fear. There is indeed a twist ending but it's not the riveting earth shaking twist ending that everyone in YouTube comments said it was. A lot of hype. Essentially is it Mr Hyde pretending to be Dr Jekyll or is it Dr Jekyll pretending to be Mr Hyde? Watch the movie and find out. A completely legal eagle movie full of Courtroom scenes and lawyers. 

I discovered a VR app called Hell Horde. Absolutely amazing and its free. This app is better than 75% of paid apps. I discovered it on applabgameslist dot com

Profound. 

Moore's Law. Every 18 months, computers get twice as fast. I've onky had VR goggles for a year and it's already at the point where free apps are better than paid for apps of the past. Certainly with the tablet, Mad Bullets and Paper Train are each better than every Atari 2600 game of the 1980s put together. Some of those Atari games were about $30 new which was a lot of money back when minimum wage was $4 an hour. 

I got a refund on End of Night. $6 refund. 

I got Beverly Hills Cop $5. That was the movie of the year in 1994. To see it in the YouTube big screen. 

I also got Clockwork Orange. On sale. $8. Kubrick. On sale. This is the first time that I watched The Clockwork Orange while on probation remembering that through much of the movie, Alex de Large was on probation, that is until he got busted again. 

I was going to get Twilight Zone Steven Spielberg. But forget it. 

Twilight Zone is no longer in sale for $7. It was on sale for a week. I didn't get it. Usually it takes me less than five seconds to decide that I want a movie. Twilight Zone uh, uh. 

Hesitation. Good. Instead Clockwork Orange was on sale in its place. 

Twilight Zone. The stories were who cares? Not that great. 

Thursday, April 3, 2025

Worked at the Courthouse Grounds. A few people complimented me. 

I got two movies today. Splurged. Sinned. 

Ready Player One $8. VR world. I'm there. 

Tenet $10. I wrote my answers to the algorithm of time. The time travel objective experience and the linear subjective experience and how this is really a singularity. What we perceive as an eternity of linear time is a time dilation within a singularity that lasts less than a second. A terabytes of information downloaded in less than a second like purchasing a movie off YouTube. Purchase it and you can watch the movie immediately after purchasing. Immediate download of a movies worth of information, data. A really good quantum computer can download ten terabytes in one second. That would be a computer that's worth literally millions of dollars. One day neural link can download terabytes of  information to the brain in a second which would be a singularity within a time dilation. 

In the old days it took Limewire 48 hours to download a two hour movie. 

What we are experiencing as linear time is us parsing through the guts of the singularity. 

There is such thing as no linear time or time travel. There is only an illusory time dilation and any variations of linear time including time travel are a time dilation within a singularity. 

There is no such thing as linear time or time travel. There are only time dilations and singularities. 

If there is no such thing as linear time, what is it? Linear time is what appears as linear time. Even ghosts in the afterlife have a sensation of and hold a sentimentality to linear time. More about this in a few paragraphs. 

On a scale of one to ten, if a singularity or an extreme time constriction is a 1 or even a zero, and time dilation where one day seems like a thousand years for those who are in some kind of trauma experience this is a ten, then linear time or the present is a 5. Then what about time travel? Ha! It's all points in between 1 and 10 and not necessarily consecutively. 

Wait. That scale doesn't make complete sense. Either ten represents extreme dilation or the sensation of time slowing down or it represents the distsnt future if 1 represents the distant past and 5 represents the present. Which is it? Is it the former or the latter? Like all cosmic riddles, dilemmas, paradoxes, Zen koans etc, the answer is "Yes!" 

One cannot exist without the other. Singularities cannot exist without time dilations because TDs are what spawn singularities and they are what singularities contain within them. Time dilations can not exist without singularities otherwise how would they be known as time dilations? Time dilations compared to what? 

"Without the clouds, we have no idea of relative motion." The Aviator, Leonardo diCaprio

A singularity is an implosion of time and space, it is an extreme expression of time at one end of the spectrum. A time dilation is an explosion of time and space, and it is also an extreme expression of time and space at the other end of the spectrum. 

Time dilation. A singularity is therefore time constriction. Sort of like vasodilator and vasoconstrictor. Marijuana is a vasodilator. Cocaine and tobacco are vasoconstrictors. 

This terabytes of information in less than a second, singularity theory aditionally is able to mathematically incorporate the going backwards and forwards in time theory of Tenet. 

Like yin and yang, singularity, time and space dilation, explosion, implosion dance with one another to create balance. Eg. Without the singularity of gravity, we would, thanks to time and space dilation, float into outer space. 

"To see a world in a grain of sand 

And a heaven in a wild flower 

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand 

And eternity in an hour."

William Blake, Auguries of Innocence 

I hesitate to say this idea of mine. Ideas can not be copyrighted only the certain phrasing of the idea. Cover tunes are often better than the original. The Japanese long ago had reverse engineered the television and the radio and made better televisions and better radios. My idea is an unpolished diamond. Universities are free to use this idea, to refine it like a polished diamond, and to come up with something better particularly in an applicative way involving technology and degrees from MIT which I visited in virtual reality. Anyways the technical technology part would be beyond me. 

In the movie Passengers, the computer said, "This is the theoretical knowledge. The technology that uses this idea is proprietary technology."

This idea crosses different fields of knowledge. Science and spirituality. A download from the afterlife probably wouldn't wash as a scientific theory. 

Tenet and Inception are two of the most confusing movies in all of Hollywood history and I have them on YouTube cinema. 

Consistent with the theory of Tenet, I paid for the movie before getting it on YouTube. I got a prepaid credit card. 

Anachronism. Depends how you look at it. 

As China is the normalized* present, the West would seem to be a past anachronism and as the West is the hegemonized present, China would seem to be a futuristic anachronism. 

Way more futuristic and advanced in China. So many YouTube videos. 

*1979 Normalization Act 

I got some coffee from Ethiopia at Shoppers. It had a picture of a lion on it. The other ones had a picture of a toucan and another had a picture of a chameleon. The lion is the best animal. The other animals are all right. The coffee tastes pretty good. 

Jamaican blue mountain coffee is good. Very smooth, not bitter at all even without sugar. But it's pricey and hard to find. Overseas markets like Asia get the lions share. 

Jamaica blue mountain coffee can be reverse engineered. Get a sample of that strain. And find a place with similar growing conditions. Also try to get as many plants as possible Native to the region to grow along side. Also any fungi local to the region too. 

Maria. She was a sweet lady. I don't know exactly how it would have worked out between her implosove anorexia and her explosive overprotective parents with whom not even the Pope would have been good enough for her. 

Friday, April 4, 2025 

Trump tariffs. The stock market experienced its worst day since the start of the pandemic. What do the two things have in common? Trump in the Oval Office. 

Would that be a greatest common factor or a lowest common denominator? Depends on who you ask. 

Trump would want a 3rd term. If the States becomes Canada's 14th Province, then a Prime Minister or else Premier Trump can have three terms like Trudeau did. Trudeau completed a ten year term in Office which numerically, the tenth year would be well into a Third term of a US President. 

But you know what that would mean. Remember something called The Declaration of Independence 4th of July, 1776? That would be out the window. 

US, minimum 4 year terms, to maximum of two. 

Canada, as many terms as you can get, average record is 10 years for Pierre Trudeau, Jean Chretien, Stephen Harper, Justin Trudeau. They were each in there for more than 8 years at minimum which supercedes the time length of two American Presidential terms of Office. Or could last as short as about one year give or take a few months as in the case of Joe Clark, Kim Campbell, Paul Martin. No American President is there for only just one year. Some American Presidential terms of office were truncated so the requisite four years weren't completed as in the case of John F Kennedy and Richard Nixon for reasons I won't get into. 

I spoke with a nurse yesterday about the pain in my upper arm when I bend my hand backwards. I asked if it was the result of a magnesium deficiency. She said I needed it was tendonitis and I need a tensor bandage for my upper arm which is sold at drug stores. 

The nurse is from the Church I stopped going to. I wonder if it was a nudge to get me to go back there. I don't feel that anyone owes anyone else a lifelong friendship. 

When asked if I am going back to Church, my mind tends to drift off into thinking about Real VR Fishing. The prime fishing spots and the wonderful species that could be caught. Then my mind drifts back to the conversation at hand and I'm trying to think of the appropriate words. The non sequitor of thoughts between Real VR Fishing and thoughts of possibly going to Church again causes a temporary confusion and before I could come up with the appropriate words, the other person says, "Have a nice day." and leaves. Strange. That happens every time. It's that kind of town. 

I do think of going to Church again. The stained glass windows are very beautiful. 

That Church has strange politics. The previous Priest retired or quit. I asked him if he would attend as a regular person. He said no and said some reason which went in one ear and out the other. Why would that be? Strange energy. 

Churches are on the one hand, they will tell certain members, undesirables that it would be best if they were to worship elsewhere while with other lapsed members that they want to coopt into their cult, they'll try to nudge them to go back. They know that you know that they know that Church is boring. The local Churches have the most valid sermons. Pastor Joel Osteen is the real deal. Joyce Meyer is good as well. 

I  hear a Joel Osteen sermon and months later, still remember it. The local sermons are forgotten about the minute they're over. More generic liturgical platitudinous moral baiting and dogma. 

Over the last week, I saw a couple of women from places I used to go to regularly. I wondered if they were there to in some sneaky way, nudge me to go back. And they talk to me like yeah we're all buddy buddy. In my mind I couldn't stand them and don't care if I nver happen to see them ever again. In life when you got something better, never go back to something that isn't as good. 

The thing is, if they didn't go to some place for awhile, would I try to nudge them to go back? No. Why would they do that to me? Why? Because they're vapid airheads. Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained with incompetence as Napoleon once said. And undoubtedly for sure they do this to others too because people work in patterns. 

Joel Osteen has way better sermons. VR and electric skateboards is off the scale over the top fun while Church is boring and extraneous. All these flakey personalities which I have absolutely nothing in common with. No thanks. Hardly anyone is there anyways. Whenever I go there the place is mostly empty. 

I wish I was in China. The local Church is just some crackpot cracker backwater scene. 

The Chinese Church. I would visit. The Chinese are my people racially. But I would ask them, in this day and age, now that the dynamic has changed, why would you opt to stay in Canada when China is more rock show and is where your money gets you more and better. 

Be a majority in a futuristic rock show or be a racialized visible minority in some crackpot backwater. 

People who are Muslim. I've seen a lot of places in the Middle East. Way more futuristic than the West. Qatar. The SeaWorld in Dubai. In the West, Muslims are discriminated against. In the Middle East, Muslims are celebrated. In some strange bid at personal advancement, Muslims are living in Canada when they can be in a more futuristic place where they are a majority. 

More Chinese are living in China than outside of China. 

However more British people live outside of England than within. I wonder why. Could it be that England is on an island rather than on a mainland. A small town on an island is another level of backwater. England certainly isn't as futuristic or rockshow as China or the SeaWorld in the Middle East. 

The shopping malls in Asia are state of the art futuristic. The shipping malls here. They are whatever they are. This was even so back in the early 200s let alone now. 

I would advise anyone to not move to North America. Things are more futuristic where you are. Don't gamble on some crackpot notion that the sleepy West is better. It isn't. It really isn't. 

China is into building. All the politicians in their legislature are on the same page racially. China's politicians are into building. 

Canada's legislature is made up of all kinds of disparate races various and sundry. Instead of people who are into building, there are avaricious airhead politicians that sign free trade deals that allow for speculation. China didn't sign any free trade deals with their neighbours. Canada signs some free trade deal that benefits Americans more than Canada. Airhead. Or American moles in the Canadian government. 

End result, China looks how it looks now, a spectacular futuristic show and the West looks the same as it did thirty years ago except somewhat more run down. Case in point downtown Vancouver. Compare that with downtown Shenzhen or downtown Guangzhou. 

If everyone on Earth could be where they really truly in their heart of hearts wanted to be, at least half the people wouldn't be where they are now. 

I'm arguably better off in the afterlife with my friends nds in the afterlife. I can't stand the Chinese language. English is a way superior language. But the West is a backwater. In China I'd be one of the racial majority. There's no feeling like it. I felt that when I was in Thailand. Then its back to this sh*t. 

Forget about races. I don't know why I write crap mentioning this. I actually really don't care. It has been an issue at times but that's like milking a bad few minutes in one day not just all day but for a few years. The News would often mention the phrase White supremacy and for years on government forms were the words visible minority. That's why I wish I was in China all these years. Guangzhou city. 

I just write what's on my mind. Even if it's spurious thoughts I don't agree with. My brain under this dimension is what it is. In the afterlife, I'll have a better brain. 

I returned from Thailand in 2003. Futuristic shopping malls. Siam Paragon, MBK, Future Park. Then back to this. Then I saw on television a commercial, "So you have schizophrenia. Stay away from my family." 

That's what you can expect from the ice rink bathroom break Carl Malden backwater energy of Canada. Backwater countries that can't do anything for themselves blame their citizens. "You're not successful because you must have schizophrenia." Rather than you're not successful because you're in a country that can't win a Stanley Cup in over thirty years, in a sparsely populated country which doesn't have the manpower and human resources to build like China does. The country couldn't even offer themselves advancement. How could they off you advancement? So instead of offering you advancement, they offer you resentment. 

I might go to China and really like it there. But what if I go to the afterlife and like it even more? And I wouldn't have to worry about coming back because no one comes back from the afterlife. Ever. 

I've been thinking about getting Pickleball One VR. $20. I couldn't afford it. 

I thought of this while sweeping the grounds of the Court house. 

Then. Match Point Tennis from the same developer is free and I have that. I also got the free Demo version of Pickleball One. The Demo is good enough. Tennis is Beverly Hills. Pickleball is lower middle class. The ball is like if you too a croc shoe and made it into a hollow ball. The plastic pickle ball has a Swiss cheese look to it. 

People who play tennis live in stately mansions. 

People who play pickle ball live in townhouses. This fact did not dissuade me from getting the app. Best free app ever. 

Pickle ball is fun. Serve the ball only below the waist so you can forget about getting your kicks only waist up. Serve the ball only in a diagonal trajectory across the court. Diagon Alley, Harry Potter. 

Incidentally, I am awful at this. I wind up missing most shots. The vast majority of them. 

The demo is free for only 14 days. There is a song called Don't Tell Me It's Over. It's a funk instrumental. Can't find it anywhere else. The full version is $17 plus tax. $20. If I wait, I might be able to get a 30% discount. 

Bowling is better. 

The other day, a person was charged for throwing a small dog like a football. Did the dog do a perfect spiral? The dog was fine. What. Even after doing a perfect spiral? With VR football, if you use a certain technique, you can throw the ball in a perfect spiral. 

First train model I made on Trainer VR. Primitive. Rudimentary. 

This one is gone as I forgot to save. Make a new one.

Another one. Saved.

"Once more unto the breach, my friends, once more" Shakespeare

I got Star Trek Into Darkness $10. That movie is pivotal for any collection. The opening scene on the planet Nibiru. Better than the first one. The best Star Trek movie ever made in history. 

I also got Star Trek Beyond. On sale. These movies are essential. Spectacular. 

I don't fear the future any more. I just don't know what to think about it. One day I'll reach the point where I'll be optimistic. 

"Do me a personal favor. Be optimistic." Princess Leia 

Some aspects of the future for sure will be better than I imagined. That's been something throughout my life. I did things that I once never imagined ai would do. Good things, that is. Travel on a seaplane, a 747 jet plane, ride an elephant in Thailand, get an electric skateboard. Interesting times. 

I have to save money. I have an objective. To stay overnight at a hotel either in Vancouver or Victoria. The James Bay Inn. If I stay there, I wonder if I'll get a sign from Emily Carr. She is a genius artist. She has an inimitable touch. 

I have a print of her painting of a tree with red bark. 

If I had an interview with Emily Carr, I would ask her, "Emily Carr, why didn't you get married? I wish the best for you and I wish you had had a happier life when it comes to getting married. But don't sweat it. Millions of people are happier being single. For a million different reasons." 

Emily Carr thought marriage would take too much time away from her paintings. 

For some strange reason, women who were married weren't as successful. Married women had a lot more expectations back then. And there were no microwave ovens. Or even electric stoves. It took ten minutes sometimes just to light the kitchen pot bellied stove hot enough for cooking. 

Washing machines? Forget it. In Emily Carr's time clothes were all hand washed. 

Since women didn't get the right to vote in Canada until 1949 and Emily Carr died in 1945, it means that she never voted. That's how they treated women back then which is just awful. Awful. Some of the smartest people are women. What a waste of political talent to not have had women voting back then. What can you say? Those were also the times when people thought it was a good idea to have ten rats fighting a dog or ten dogs fighting a bear in a betting pit. Real bonkers times. 

I was thinking of visiting Sidney BC. I had a haunting memory but haunting memories can only last so long. I thought of visiting the gift shop and seeing sbitlut getting a World War One plane. German red triplane Red Baron. Or a Sopwith Camel which was the plane which shot down the Red Baron. Baron Von Richtoffen. A Sopwith camel has a tan canvas upper wing with a U shaped sun roof. Push propeller isn't that powerful compared to a regular propeller plane. 

These days, a person might be able to purchase a man sized or woman sized drone. Such drones can be like a flying car. These cars can only be flown in rural areas that are away from the cities. Hurricane model flying drone. $495,000. Pricey for sure. 

Saturday, April 5, 2025

I was thinking of going to Sidney BC. But I have two haunting memories of Sidney. 

On the day that Maria died, I was in Sidney. I didn't find this out until afterwards. 

The one time Heather visited me but after the visit I left to go to Sidney and had dinner there. I should have had dinner with Heather! That will haunt me for life. 

That's why I have haunting memories. 

When I go to Sidney, I come back with a very good vibe. That town has the most incredible vibes. 

The vibes are indescribable especially if it's only me who feels them. Some towns resonate with a heavenly vibe. 

I'll always miss Heather. Every day I think of her. 

My broken heart will never mend. Or it might. 

God is the God of restoration. These last few days, I'd think of something, anything and get automatic frissons of bliss, nostalgia, good vibes. Before it was all ever just only frissons of fear, depression and anxiety. This surprised me. Perhaps it was the wave that was created when I moved all those worms from their previous place of less than half an inch of dirt on the sidewalk to a huge lush dirt mound. For them that must been like moving to a five star hotel. That would have been good karma. 

I wonder if I'm going to have a broken heart for life. It feels like an ever persistent aching. Like as if my heart is like the Liberty Bell. Slightly cracked. 

I love Heather, if not more than life itself, I would say as much as life itself. I would give up all my tomorrows on Earth if I could be with Heather in the afterlife. I'd not only get to be with Heather, I'd get to experience the phsyics of that dimension. And to not have physical death at some time in the future hanging over my head anymore would be just exquisite. 

I had a strange dream last night. 

Bangkok Thailand. Day time. A construction workers area. I saw an old style fence formed of vertical wooden slats. There was no light spaces between the slats. On the street, there was a small food truck. It had a few items on a small hand written menu, written in many colors with a felt pen. Three drinks listed on top of one another. The bottom one on the list was Pina Colada. Price below, circled, $25. 

I thought that was pricey. I ordered one. 

I moved to my left besides the cart. There was an area, a table connected to the food truck. I was waiting for my order. The food truck vendor, a middle aged Thai man with a small mustache. He pointed. The order was prepared already. Ready already. That's the physics of the afterlife. I should have known. I was used to waiting as with the Earth dimension. 

There was a shallow open glass box which held orders. There were four glasses. I reached for one that looked like a champagne flute with champagne as there were two of them in that glass box plus one other drink. My order looked like a thin sundae fountain glass with what looked like red raspberry lassi in it. 

Then I noticed a small shallow glass bowl with a flat bottom. It held something that looked like a transparent creme brulee. As I picked it up to look at it, I noticed a young Thai lady standing beside me. I said something strange, "This looks like toffee-a from the mafia." Yeah, dreams are weird. 

Talk about life and unexpected surprises. I discovered Pinball Fx VR. I got it. $16. It has Indiana Jones. And the ark shows up as a special effect! That was unexpected. An hour ago as I write this, I didn't even know it existed. 

3 free tables. All the other tables cost. But all other tables are playable for free for three minutes each time. Then it stops and you can do it again. That's good enough. 

There's Xena Warrior Princess. 

Life is good to me. 

I am more than happy with this pinball app which surpasses all expectations. When I woke up this morning, I didn't know that I would know about the pinball app. This app is a honey sweet gift from God. Life can be worth living. 

This evening at 8:10 pm, I discovered pinball in mixed reality using the Kubrickian Dr Strangelove red phone. Imagine me having a pinball table in my own room. I'm thinking of getting Indiana Jones and The Twilight Zone. The others I don't know if I care Star Trek is good. 

I'll go to Sidney next time. 

On Coaster mania, I made a roller coaster with a very high and steep hill. I called it the Mega Kamikaze. Anyone can do this. When I rode this, I didn't get the vertigo that I expected that I would. Somewhat fail. Some VR apps are really good at generating vertigo. There is one where the user jumps up and down. Every time after a jump up, on the fall down, there is always that stomach sweltering vertigo feeling. That app is genius. 

My completed diorama.

My roller coaster called the Mega kamikaze. Coaster Mania VR. 

It looks like the stock market before and after the Trump tariffs. 

YOLO. I got Twilight Zone because that would be appropriate for Saturday night on Pinball FX VR $15. I also got Raiders of the Lost Ark because it's a favorite movie. 

I won't get Star Trek. I never watched a single episode of Star Trek the next generation that I can remember. The original was good. The JJ Abrams Star Trek is good. Next generation and the new woke Star Trek are sub par in my opinion. Won't be getting. Can't afford. Not a priority plus the theme song which is kinda cheesy plays over and over again. I don't know if I should tell this story but when CDs and CD players were new in 1988, I got on sale a compact disc of classical music and television and movie themes on sale. Because it was a new medium, anything that was kinda good would sound even better on a CD than on a scratchy record. Star Trek the next generation theme song was on and it sounded pretty good on CD. I won't get the pinball. I remember my impression when I first saw it. The first visceral split second that decides and I didn't feel it. I thought the table looks kind of cheesy. Tacky. I was severely underwhelmed if not mildly horrified. The table looks like a pre fully colored page ripped out of an old Star Trek coloring book. 

At the end of the Star Trek pinball experience, the Enterprise zips off quickly like every UFO I have ever seen in dreams. But it's the Enterprise which is one degree of separation. What next, a skateboard that just zips off into the distance? If it was a Close Encounters of the Third Kind or ET or the Day the Earth Stood Still 1950s version and the UFO zips off, I'd get it. The Enterprise? I don't know. Perhaps I'll get this later on this year if I ever have an extra $15 burning a hole in my pocket. Unlike a very rich person I can't afford to indiscriminately fling $15 here and there. I'm impoverished enough that an extra $15 purchase will have to wait until later this year. 

Indiana Jones. Twilight Zone. 1st tier. 

Star Trek The Next Generation. 2nd tier. 

Remaining ones, 3rd tier if not scratching the bottom of the barrel. 

Battle-star Galactica isn't the 70s one. It's the newer iteration. Indifference. Whatever. 

I was going to Sidney. The Complete Trip to Sidney would include 

Admission to the Aviation museum $22

Get something from the gift shop. $20

Eat at restaurant $35

Movie with popcorn and drink $20 

Something to eat, take away, $20.

Thats a $100 day! I was going to do that except for the movie. There aren't any movies I'd currently want to see. An $80 day. 

Forget the big screen and the high tech stereo system like cities such as Vancouver and Victoria has. The Sidney BC movie theatre has small screens like the Denman Theatre in Vancouver. What I am paying for is for two hours, to soak in the healing vibes of Sidney BC. When I get back to my apartment, I can sure feel it. The magical vibes of visiting another town. 

Instead I got the pinball games. The Sidney trip would have all been on debit. The pinball games were on credit which means payment can be deferred for weeks. 

Sunday, April 6, 2025

I'm not going to Sidney today. The weather is wretched, horrid. Pea soup. 

I'm thinking of getting the Star Trek pinball table. $15. 

For the love of Spock, get it! 

I'm not shopping for any more movies. And Star Trek should be the last VR purchase I make for quite awhile. Cross my fingers. 

Star Trek would cost about $15.50, with tax, rounded off. An East Indian take out dinner which I was planning to get at Sidney would have been about $23 with tops and taxes. And I already have food in the fridge as I went shopping two days ago. 

Star Trek would last forever. A dinner goes fast but one must eat and food that is good actually lifts the mood. Eating bland repetitive food can cause some kind of depression. 

One must eat to survive. One doesn't need to play Star Trek pinball to survive. 

I'm saving my money for a dream trip to Vancouver which includes a sea plane ride to downtown Vancouver, a one night stay at one of the less expensive rooms at the Pan Pacific Hotel which is a five star hotel visit a couple of museums, eat at a few restaurants and then return home on the boat visiting the dining lounge which costs extra to visit. 

Estimated price I have to save, $2,000. It will take me about a year to save that. 

I wonder about the wisdom of that. 

Getting a VR app for $15 which I would have indefinitely isn't a good idea but paying $500 a night in a hotel which is over fast anyways and if I bring my VR goggles, it's like I'm there but I'm also not there somehow for some reason is a good idea. 

I thought of visiting the Michelin star Chinese restaurant across the street from Vancouver City Hall. They serve a famous Peking duck for $200. Pricey for sure. Even a bowl of soup they serve there, I'm sure it's very good, is $35. That would only be an idea. Doing things that I'm not familiar with makes me nervous. Thsts a common thing with a lot of people. They seek familiarity and the comfort zone. The problem is that comfort zones tend to get smaller with time. One has to fight to enlarge their comfort zone. For world travellers, the entire planet is their comfort zone. 

Well,  11:40 am. I got the Star Trek pinball plus two space games for $1 each. Star Fist Squadron and Uni-Mo Space traveler. 

What the Spock, I got the Star Trek VR pinball app. $15. It's a cheap hit. 

Price plus Star Fist - promises unforgettable worlds

Price plus Uni Mo - unique delightful dazzling tabletop adventure. 

For one dollar. Not extravagant. 

Star Tek pinball I mixed reality looks awesome. The Enterprise. The Romulan ship, First guess was right. I don't know, with green lights that glow within. Major. 

There is a Star Trek VR app called Star Trek Bridge Crew. I saw videos of it. The whole thing looks rather @nal. On the bridge of the Enterprise the entire time. Nowhere else. There is a large window in which there is a view of colorful nebulas etc and there are some scenes where one is in space, fourth wall as an observer as the Enterprise flies across a planet. 

It was on sale for $14 from $35 which is quite the savings. Was. The sale is over. 

A reviewer who called themself something Police said that the game was bad. Do not get. I don't know if that's from the actual Police. Probably not. On that, I didn't get the app. There's no way I'm getting it for $35. 

Never mind country. What about planet? What if a Vulcan in Earth said, anywhere on this planet I'm a visible minority. If I went back to my planet I'd be one of the majority. Even if my planet had different races of Vulcans, we'd at least be all Vulcans in common. 

I'd be with my culture where we do the mating once in every seven years thing. 

Change planet with country. It's working with the same thing. 

Actually, it's no one's business and nobody needs to know about VR purchases and other people aren't posting them. Yes they are. And they do videos about it too. VR app reviews. 

I saw the Lemur Camper advertised on Global News. Cost $18,995 plus tax. One can get extra hitches and accessories like jumper cables etc for a few hundred dollars. 

There is a YouTube video on how to set it up and I was wondering if they were setting up the James Webb telescope. So many details. 

It looks nice but not at all protective against intruders. Thin walls no insulation so this would be more of a summer rather than an all weather. There is space enough for two full sized beds and a living room with lots of space to play VR apps like golf without worrying about hitting anything or any VR fails. 

For someone living at rent city, this tent would be like a five star hotel. 

The company is based in North Vancouver. It might decide to set up a government contract where it builds tents for spaces like Tiny Town in Victoria and the Lemur Camper would be a new standard for tent city living. 

Modular homes have more structural oomph and are protective against intruders. 

Also Canada and the States aren't saying it, but they kinda half @ss wanna be like China and the tariffs is to raise money for massive construction and homebuilding that homelessness will be a thing of the past. Homelessness will one day merely be seen as an early 21 st Century problem. A slight speedbump in the overall ongoing steamrolling development of planetary human civilization. 

Going traveling anywhere even to Sidney BC is to worry about money and food. 

I hate the physics of this dimension. In the other dimension one doesn't have to worry about money or food ever again. 

I used to say to Heather, "The good one goes to the lady." whenever. She always got the better portion. 

Now it seems that is still going on as she gets the good dimension and I'm still stuck here in the worries about money, worry about food dimension. The cortisol dimension. 

For the answers I've come up with I feel I deserve an early reprieve. Especially the theory of what we are experiencing is parsing through the data of what is actually a less than one second download. Blink on blink off. Not consecutive blinks but it's all the same OG blink on and one OG blink off over and over again. 

It's the cosmic heartbeat of the Universe. Diastolic, systolic. On, off. The Hindoos talk about this heart beat of the Universe often which they refer to as the in-breathing and the out-breathing of the Universe. . 

That same one pulse on and off again and again. Sleep, awaken, sleep, awaken. Work, rest, work, rest. This cosmic download takes place in a Planck second of time otherwise why would he have come up with that. It's the ultimate irreducible unit of time that is the basis of a download of, depending on the entity involved. For a person, its thousands of terabytes. For a Universe its trillion upon trillions of terabytes. All in that same Planck second of time. Linear time is an illusion albeit a very persistent one. 

"Movies run at 24 frames a second. The human eye sees 16 frames a second. It's called persistence of motion." The Fabelmans

Today's films on YouTube HD run at 60 frames a second! 

A femtocamera does an absolutely insane ten billion frames a second. 

Bodies and brains are the hardware. Memories and knowledge is the software. At one point, the hardware goes. But the software never dies. It forms the necessary basis or  preliminary for the next downloads being the life review and the afterlife existence. 

Simulation theory says that life is an animated movie. The frames are one Planck second. One Planck second on, one Planck second off and the pixels are one Planck length wide with one Plank length of empty space eachor perhaps quite a few Planck lengths in between each, the distance between protons and electrons relative to the size of the proton, the distance between planets relative to the size of a planet, the distance between solar systems, the distance between galaxies relative to the size of galaxies even galaxies discovered that are a few thousand times the size of the milky-way galaxy, in between but that's called dark energy because it also has energy. 96% of the Universe is dark energy and dark matter. Only 4% of the Universe is stars and planets. And planets and moons make up .0004% of the Universe. 

Sometimes the pixels rearrange themselves gradually and incrementally and sometimes these pixels all rearrange themselves suddenly at once. 

So parsing all the data within the download registers as linear time or sometimes time travel. Time travel. Turn a movie on the television. Fast forward and rewind at random points. That is a kind of time traveling. In the old days this could be demonstrated through reading a book starting and stopping back and forth throughout the book at random points. Again, just a theory. 

This algorithm would also enfold the notion of linear time and time travel as well as the double slit experiment as well as the Schroedinger's Cat thought experiment and as well reverse entropy aka currents of linear time that moves backwards as its a large enough theoretical algorithm using either the associative, distributive or commutative principles of mathematics to accommodate all of that. 

The proof is whether two halves of an electron are thirty miles apart or thirty light years apart, it makes the same amount of time to when one end is tweaked, the other end reacts the same way in less than a second. The small amount of time it takes between two ends of the electron being tweaked is the time signature that forms the basis of the time perimeter of the original download. 

But what about our bodies, egos, identities? More data in another greater level download. 

Bodies, egos and identities are data is a wrong subjective view anyways. 

Data includes bodies, identities and egos is the right and objective view. 

The Universe itself is also a less than one second download. The macro download. We in this Universe are the micro less than one second download. 

We are a micro algorithm resonating within a similar macro algorithm. 

We are a micro singularity within a macro singularity. 

Who comes up with answers like that? You sure wouldn't get answers like that at Church. 

Writing down one's thoughts is supposed to be therapeutic. 

I might add that this is just a theory. Who knows what the heck is really going on. 

People who have NDEs have a life review where they review every second of a life of decades and then return here a few minutes or few hours or few days later. Sounds like instant download to me. 

But who is responsible for the download? That would be God. It circles back to religion. Religion is truth. Any religion is good. 

"To you your religion. To me my religion." Islam 

"Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding." The Bible 

It fells apart when the question is asked, if everything is a download, then is God also a download. Who downloaded God? It's an ouroboros. The snake that eats itself. God involuntarily downloaded Himself. 

Cosmic paradox oxymoron. Involuntarily is an involuntary act. Downloaded is a voluntary act. The essence of all things cosmic is a f**king paradox. The fusion of diametrically opposites, male and female, active and passive, voluntary and involuntary. 

"God is a verb." R Buckminster Fuller 

A joke: Jesus did DMT and said," I did DMT. I got so high that I saw myself." 

That's more or less what we're working with. 

Greater dimensions enshroud lesser dimensions in the same one second download time signature perimeter like a set of Russian nesting dolls. 

Every dimension is the same less than one second, Planck second download, its just that each successive dimension has a thousand times the data to account for the fifferent set of physics. 

The Earth dimension requires a certain amount of data for Earthly physics that are generally known about. The afterlife dimension comprises of a million times at least the amount of data to account for time travel, teleportation, telepathy, never experi ncing ohysical death ever again, living forever and also seeing over 100 different primary colors. That requires a lot of data space. 

The human body is the hardware. The information in the download is the software. One day hardware dies but software lives forever through being again downloaded or uploaded as the case may be, to somewhere else. 

Game of Thrones Legends match 3 on Android. For those who know it, at the Red Altar one can press a button and get a prize instantly. Then for another prize one has to sit through an entire 30 second ad. 

The get the prize instantly is a metaphor for instant download. 

The watch the ad is a metaphor for parsing through the data of the download. 

"Some people can read War and Peace and walk away thinking its a simple adventure story."

"Others can read the back of a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the mysteries of the Universe." 

Ready Player One

Egyptian pyramid. Egypt pinball mixed reality. 

The top, capstone, of the pyramid represents the Planck second download. 

The base of the pyramid represents parsing through the procedurally generated data creating a sensation of linear time. 

Procedurally generated. There are infinite light spectrums. We can only see one. The rainbow. Just offhand, a true rainbow is a circle not an arc. A few pictures of round rainbows are on the internet. 

There are infinite octaves of music. The human ear can detect only so many octaves. A dog can hear more so the data of their download includes more sensitive hearing. 

Even a mantis shrimp can see 16 primary colors while we can see only three. Secondary colors, tertiary colors, color wheels, shades, tints and hues don't count as different colors. But there are an infinite amount of primary colors so 16 out of an infinite ain't bad. 

"Two out of three ain't bad." Lionel Richie 

The different sets of physics between this non teleportational dimension and the afterlife teleportational dimension are just different sets or systems of procedural generations from not a master paradigm but THE master paradigm aka God. 

In University, theory of mathematics is also a course. That's how highly they regard the theory of mathematics. Even an untrained mathemician untrained in Leibniz calculus can come up with all kinds of new theories that are impressive and then merely interpreted into the language of calculus. It happens all the time. 

Star Fist Squadron. VR 

Great app. Best dollar I spent in a long time. I spent $1 on worse things but I can't remember what. 

Space warp was mind-blowing. Moore's Law. Computer games get better and better to the point where free apps are much much better than paid for apps of the past. 

Unforgettable views? It was just hovering in space some distance from planets of the solar system which might not be the worst place to be in the Universe but I'm not sure if that would be the best. 

Just like getting laid. That certainly wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen but I'm not sure if that would also the the best thing. There are possible dreadful consequences. Woman dies of childbirth. Or be on the hook for child support. 

Relationships have some connection to family. Get married, start a family, I meet her family, she meets my family except that my family is just about non existent. 

Family means coming from a solid family line that you can intellectually respect. My family? Not so much. 

Jesus said that you can only plant something where the soil is good. If it's bad, again, not so much. He didn't say it exactly like that. 

Talk about the Bible getting really weird. There is a story where Jesus tells a fig tree to die. What did that tree ever do to anyone? 

Therefore Heather is the last girlfriend that I will ever have. She was the last of the Mohicans. I think I'll be single for life. However there is the notion that whatever you think your future is going to look like, just forget it. There will be things beyond your imagination. 

Big problem. Scared. Even on the hidden list. Even after pressing uninstall and remove, it kept reinstalling. I checked out the developers website. It's a research university. I had to do a refund which I got. It would have taken nothing short of that. Then when Star Fist Squadron was on the hidden list, it registered as 14 on the list. Even after deleting it from hidden, it still reads that there are 14 apps when there are 13. 

It even placed something on the unknown sources folder which I had to delete. This app is criminal and should be reported to the cyber Police. 

Uni-Mo Star Trip VR. 

A one dollar wonder. 

Once I got the hang of it which took about a few minutes, it was good. 

It has a sort of Dig-Dug feel. The player moves a virtual joystick that remote guides a thing on the board which vacuums up circles on the floor and then brings these circles to the huge flower in the center while avoiding whatever else moving things, aliens, etc that are on the board. Worth the money. 

I visited Sidney today. In here. Me tapping the side of my VR goggles. 

My friend the junkie once said that he was going to get a mountain bike on cheque day. Cheque day arrived. "Did you get the mountain bike?" I asked. He said, "Yeah. In here."

I visited the sea side road. Then I went to the aviation museum all in a linear path. 

Then on the way back, I teleported. Instant download of a lot of data. I was in downtown Sidney BC again. I saw things that reminded me of Heather. "Oh Beebs, I'll always love you." 

There is an app called Bocce Time in VR. Bocce makes me think of the Old Country, the Old World and that's if you're Italian. 

Bocce was played in Vancouver in Grandview Park near The Drive, aka Little Italy which is Commercial Drive. 

Bocce is kind of like skittles played in British pubs and is kind of like croquet which is played on the lawn like lawn darts. 

More or less like the sport of curling. Closest to the center on average of three or four or however many. Knock out the other ones closest to the center. 

I don't know. I've never felt any overwhelming compulsion to play boccee. Have you? 

For S10 Canadian or else €6.41 Euros, a person can play Bocce in VR indefinitely. 

There are different scenes, different levels. Lots of variety. Alas, it doesn't have a Grandview Park in Vancouver level but I don't know about you but every time anyone thinks of Vancouver, they're thinking of bocce. Probably not. 

In the afterlife dimension, a person can read another person's mind and emotions and have a complete understanding. 

In this dimension, the other person's mind of course can't be read leading to misunderstanding or frustration at being unable to connect for example with a beautiful lady. And then there's that because of the physics of this dimension conflsting with whatever thoughts, you wouldn't want to read another person mind. 

The shadows knows are the words of an old radio show. 

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The shadow knows." 

And women too. When it comes to strange lurid thoughts, women can give men a run for their money. 

Compared with the afterlife dimension, it is in this dimension that people are ghosts. They seem like 2D cardboard cut outs. 

That's why I often wish for an early reprieve. Not being 

Pastor Joel Osteen has a sermon called When God Doesn't Listen. God hears all. He doesn't listen to spurious thoughts and notions. 

"God answers every prayer. Sometimes the answer is no." Angels and Demons, movie 

A person can be a legend in this dimension. I suppose it would be good to be a legend in any dimension. 

I see beautiful ladies on the beach. A few smile at me. Difficult if not impossible to connect. I'm not a pick up guy which is a guy who goes to the beach or where ever too pick up girls. One has to have the gift of the gab. 

Women are astonishingly beautiful. Also possible trap, rabbit hole of imperiousness, worries about going to the next level or not. Marriage or not, eventually. 

The burning feeling of loving women but not being able to score is a miserable aspect of the physics of this dimension. Again, an early reprieve would be nice. However that's not as miserable as someone who feels nothing st all at any time. Emotionally dead. That would be worse. 

"Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved st all." Shakespeare 

"The truest friends are met in the trenches." Game of Thrones 

The physics of this dimension is the trenches. 

This would absolutely be the wrong time of year to get the Addams Family pinball table for $15. I'm waiting until Labour Day which is when the Halloween season starts. 

I hope that a Priest can say a prayer for me that I one day in the future meet a lady whom I am compatible with. How much donations does any person have to make for that? The next time I see a Priest, I will ask a Priest to say such a prayer for me. It's a casual prayer meaning that even if I meet her years from now, I can accept that. 

Adam met Eve. Chances are against it that they were born next to each other. What are they, a couple of mushrooms? Eve was the only one woman in the world. They had to walk quite some distance probably for years before finding one another. They might not have found one another at all given the distances involved. It would be like playing golf. But it was via the Hand of God that Adam met Eve on one fateful day. 

If Adam can meet a woman in a world where there was only one, then I can as well. 

However anthropological and genealogical evidence points against an Adam and Eve. There is Lucy the Ape but there were even earlier iterations of species that can be said to be responsible for the current human species genetic line. Adam and Eve? 

What the hell. I've been thinking of getting the three pack for $20. Pinball VR and mixed reality. Prorated, that's $6.66 per pinball table which is just the most evil pricing tier. Would you think I've sinned if I got it? 

I already got Star Trek today so that would have to be factored in the cost. $15.

If I went to Sidney, the cheapest most minimalist plan would involve either a $23 East Indian take out dinner or else rice wrapped in banana leaves Chinese style at the supermarket there and that's about $13 plus tax which is a good part of $20 and I already have food in the fridge now. 

Xena Warrior Princess. Never watched the show. Princess. Royalty. Not bad. 

Knight Rider. I'd prefer a European model like a BMW or Mercedes, Porsche, Ferrari, Lamborghini. An all black 80s style Camaro or Firebird seems kitschy and tacky. The strobing side to side red light on the grill seems ghastly and wretched. Like something devilish. 

Battle star G@y Rect@l-ca, I mean Galactica. With James Edward Olmos as the star ship commander. The cylons seem to have anorexia compared to the swole 70s style cylons. 

The problem with the Williams licensed pinball games available on Pinball FX VR is that the bumpers seem to be made of white porcelain fittings from washroom sink faucet handles from public urinals in the early 60s. And the gap between the bumpers is gargantuan like that in the pinball game Central Park which pinball fans would know of well. Small bumpers made of white bathroom porcelain with a thick rubber band around it and with the huge gap between the bumpers. 

The original Zen pinball tables have a more user friendly bumper structure. Big wide bumpers with a noticeably smaller gap in between. But these pinball tables are fictional. 

The Williams pinball tables which one has to pay money for are historical pinball tables and I got, for me, the apex pinball table beyond my imagination even last week. The Indiana Jones pinball table. Literally surpasses all expectations. Apex elite premium platinum Dom Perignon champagne grade experience. Using words like this can cheer a person up. 

The pinball table called Film Noir has a picture of Jack Nicholson in the movie Chinatown. I should see that movie. Problems. 

I tried seeing it before. Just couldn't get into it. Confusing. 

The director got charged for some kind of sexual assault and got exiled overseas somewhere in Europe. 

Joseph in the Bible was falsely charged of the most serious kind of sexual assault. 

And then the director made some kind of a devil movie. What a reputation. 

I'll read the story on wiki. Then see the movie. One day. Or not. Who cares? 

In the old days, one of my friends used to get beer on credit off of a bootlegger who is no longer in the land of the living. A considerable usurer's fee was charged if the beer was purchased on credit. My friend used to always say, "I can afford it." resulting in his already meager bank account being just eaten up. 

Alcohol can loosen something in the body turning constant anxiety and depression feelings into feelings of a faint glow of optimism but only if consumed in moderation. 

My friend used to drink. A lot. That's one way to do it I guess. 

Can I afford three pinball tables at $6.66 each. Answer: I don't know. 

I already have six pinball tables in virtual reality. There was the movie about the person with the one pinball table. 

Pinball: The Man Who Saved The Game

Six pinball tables in mixed reality is five more than anyone could hope for. 

I have a plan. I have two $5 bills in my wallet. If I go to the bank and deposit that into my bank account, it will offset the cost of the 3 for $22. 39 pinball tables plus I can find $2 in loose change and coins and bring that to the bank too totalling a savings of $12. Even then I'll have to mull this over for an additional few hours. 

A video of a Princess with a somewhat similar name as Xena showed up in YouTube recommendations and then a few Battlestar Galactica videos showed up. Is that a sign I should get the pinball tables? If I think yes then that would completely and utterly delusional. Delusional much? 

I should look out the window. Maybe I'll see a sign that I could and should get the OJ ball tables. Confirmation bias much? 

Now I put my foot down on FIFA world cup and The Addams Family. FIFA is really more for the summer. And AF is for Halloween. Now, Spring time is too early, wouldn't you say? The earliest I'll get them is the summer. $14 each but if purchased together, $20. So summer it will be. I'll get FIFA and The AF after July. 

I got the triptych of pinball games. 

I saw some signs. A group of three people together at two places. A group of three items, a paper bag, a white plastic bag and a plastic lid and a Police car with 3 numbers on top. There were 4 numbers but one number repeated twice, counting as three numbers. It was as if the Police were saying, "Ha ha. Go ahead, get the app!" So I got the app. Talk about complete delusional. I'm f*cked. 

Monday, April 7, 2028

I got Little Princess VR mixed reality app. $1. Absolutely amazing. Talk about free apps being better than paid apps of the past. Talk about a gift from the gods. Talk about bang per buck. 

Excellent. 

Smells can cheer a person up. In the old days, Victoria BC had the smell of tar and wood barrels and diesel fuel from the boats. Victoria is a Maritime town, The Royal BC Museum explorer shop used to have a strong smell of tar and wood barrels and diesel fuel. It doesn't have that anymore but it is low tech to bring something like that back. 

FIFA World Cup Soccer pinball looks pretty good in mixed reality. I haven't tried AF yet. 

I learned how to really work the mixed reality. I can have two virtual pinball tables in my room! Talk about a future that was previously beyond imagining. I figured out how to turn the pinball tables 90, 180, 270 degrees, whatever I want. The peripheral animations can be disabled. I never ever in my wildest dreams thought I'd have a pinball table in my room even if it's virtual reality. 

I played the pinball table El Dorado which was good but the premium champagne version of El Dorado is Indiana Jones. I never thought I'd ever play that pinball table in VR. 

I haven't tried Addams Family pinball yet. Yes, I bought the two pinball tables on sale at a special discount. So what. 

When I hadn't figured how to move the pinball tables I was worried. The mixed reality settings had been automatically reset. I wasn't able to place the tables where they were before. So I thought. I can now place them exactly where I want them to be. 

I'm scared of the Addams Family pinball. There are animations that include a guillotine and a haunted dolls head. That doll is a haunted doll. There's a museum in Quesnel BC Canada that has a haunted doll. Scary AF. I wouldn't go see it. 

Today at London Drugs, I got two bottles of purple dish washing detergents. Insane pricing tier in my favor. One costs $4.59 but two costs $5. Which do you think I opted for? Purple. Royal color. 

Trump's 25% tariffs on the World is the best way possible to encourage the World to commemorate the upcoming bidemicenticential demi tasse half glass, 250 years old. 

The United States is so major of a country that it covers National elections on CNN a full year before they happen. I'm surprised that they are not talking about the upcoming 250th. 

Time distortion cognitive bias. I'm 55 years old. I've alive for more than a fifth of United States history. A person who is 85 has been around for about a third of it. 

There is some strange numerological thing. Whether it's 25% tariffs or the 250 year National Anniversary, the number 25 appears. 

Irrelevant: the 25th letter of the alphabet is Y. The nasty Y chromosome. All American Presidents up to the 250th Anniversary have been male. 

Y is also spelt why. As in, "Why?". 

"Ask not why. Ask why not?" John F Kennedy 

Anagram: 

Susan = US NSA

Two days ago at Ogden Point, I saw two bushes of Scottish broom growing near the restaurant. Scotch broom is considered a weed. The branches which frow upwards resemble the bristles of an old style broom. I recognize those plants from the St Andrew golf course in VR. 

Scotch broom is a poisonous plant of eaten for humans and animals. It has some kind of bad compounds. 

It is up to the city to cut down weeds as they are potential fire hazards and Scottish broom is known for that. I try to remove weeds to make this parts of this city look nice. To do the entire thing is impossible and is a rabbit hole. 

The Addams Family Pinball was better than expected. On the main vertical face of the pinball machine, the warm orange lights made me think of Halloween with the pumpkins and autumn leaves and the smell of firewood burning through chimneys smelt around the neighbourhood. It gave me a really good burst of nostalgia. 

I haven't tried this at night. It's better at night. The animations can be opted out of. Otherwise there's the guillotine and that wretched dolls head. And a wooden crocodile. The crocodile was Egyptian mythology. Those who were judged sinners were eaten by a crocodile symbolizing a descent to hell. 

The music is better in hell and the drugs are better in hell. It's a paradise for a certain mentality as one gravitated to whatever energy zones that resonate with their personality in the afterlife. Mean surly people just like you and in conversations they can hold their own with you as you can hold your own with them in even the most surliest conversations imaginable. And even in turmoil, like coming down off coke and feeling just awful, some people just love that feeling, even in the midst of that turmoil, there is no longer the fear of death hanging over their head. They know that. But are otherwise very self absorbed, holding on to a grudge, looking for a lost item usually a missing friend or relative. They'd be happy in hell.

"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven." John Milton, Paradise Lost 

I am happy with the purchase of this virtual reality pinball table. It's a good data download. 

Fantastic Mr Fox was on sale for $6. It was there on sale, on one cosmic level because I wrote what I did in the last few days about the cosmic download that is existence. 

The fox is an animal that means wisdom. 

I like to think out of the box. 

Psychics say it takes a year for a spirit in the afterlife to get enough experience to be able to send signs with more intensity and to visit in dreams more often. 

Why is that so if ghosts can time travel and thus operate under a different time dynamic? 

It's different and is the same. 

A illustration is there are two people each in a different train cabin on the same trip that takes a week. One person sits in a room with no television or internet. 

The other person in another room with a television and the internet is watching movies from all different eras in no particular chronological order. A movie from 2023, then a movie from 2008, then a movie from 2014, then a movie from 2025 then a movie from the 70s etc etc etc 

The train trip starts at midnight and ends at 3pm the next day, a trip of 15 hours. 

The passenger in the train cabin with all the movies has a watch set to a conventional am and pm time reference frame aka wrist watch. The passenger in the cabin without any of that has a watch set to the military time reference frame aka digital watch. 

So for the the person with the conventional watch the trip starts at 12:00 and ends at 3:00.

For the person with the military watch, the trip starts at 24:00 and ends at 15:00. Difference reference frames for linear time. 

There was a third man on the train. An old Chinese man who used the old system, the hour of the rooster, the hour of the rabbit etc. A totally different time system that wasn't ensnared with consecitutiveness of numbers. They used animals. They were on to something. 

"The train trip started during the hour of the rat and ended at the hour of the monkey."

"That sounds about right."

The Chinese, people of the dragon used a limbic R complex system of reckoning time which under the reptile under-brain is an organic form of time reckoning. 

The West, consecutive numbers is the mammalian brain way of reckoning time which under the mammalian over-brain is delineated as linear time. 

Beef and pork are mammal meats.

Chicken is 'reptile' meat. Wrong. Chickens are birds. Chickens are warm blooded and reptiles are not. 

Mammal - female: XX, male: XY. The shouldn't a pron movie be listed as XXXY instead of XXX? Straight pron, anyways. 

Reptile - female: ZW, male: ZZ

Telepathic thought tube emanating from forehead

1. Strong thoughts - mammalian over-brain

2. Slight thoughts - mammalian over-brain

3. Thoughts you want to keep hidden - mammalian over-brain and reptile under-brain

4. Subconscious thoughts not consciously aware of - reptile under-brain 

5. Emotions - reptile under-brain

This list is in descending order from newest part of the brain to oldest part of the brain. 

The reptile under-brain is the oldest part, but which part is the most powerful part? I think they are equal. 

The heart or the mind? The heart is the reptile brain. The mind is the mammal brain. 

There is another brain. The one that watches your thoughts aka the watcher. This is the third Brian, the spirit brain aka the Mind. The mammal and reptile brain will die one day. The spirit brain survives into the afterlife and it is this brain that has dreams. The reptile brain is good at symbol retention and memory and has certain base primeval motives like anger, fear etc which are completely based on the defective delinquent bonkers physics of this dimension and can therefore affect dreams at night. 

The afterlife has that as well. There is linear time but a different and unknown time reference frame is used as not only are there no military watches or conventional watches, there isn't even a 365 day year, or months or 12 hours because in the afterlife there isn't really a sun or a moon or an Earth. There is some kind of high ethereal astral plane except to them were the ethereal ones as they are much more alive than we are. And simultaneously on another hand there isn't. To us a ghost of someone who has been gone from us for ten years, to that ghost, that ghost has been gone to us for ten years. 

A ghost can time travel to all points in time even to the distant past and to the distant future But they might just visit for only a brief moment of time knowing when to hone in on the money shots of history like the precise moment the athlete made the record breaking score. 

"Time is a funny thing." Always, Steven Spielberg 

Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost took time to learn. 

This is why some ghosts, you can just tell through their vibes that they died recently while others you can just tell died quite some time ago. 

Ghosts retain the sensation and sentimentality of linear time in the afterlife. 

Alexander Ovechkin bested Wyane Gretzky's record. An NHL player would have to play for at least 25 years to even reach Gretzky's record. Let alone to better it. 

A moment like that. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2025

Sadly, I looked in the mirror and there are all kinds of spots on my face. Blackheads, tiny moles, spots. Like my father was, I'm becoming another sarcomic leopard faced b*stard. 

Cosmetic laser surgery costs $250 a spot to remove and can even removed raised moles. How many freaking spots do I have now? I don't know if I can afford it. 

This happens to old celebrities who either it hasn't occurred to them to or else they opted out of laser cosmetic surgery. Celebrities even men wear a masking make up, primer coat, at least before going on screen. Women have additional make up applied. 

Great song:

Say Hello

Alexa Purple 

Wednesday, April 9, 2025 

God saw it fit to give my mother and to give Heather an early reprieve and they didn't want one. Even so, historically, there have been people who wanted an early reprieve and got one. 

For the answers I've come up with, and my mother and Heather sure didn't come up with those answers, I feel I am entitled to an early reprieve. Quick and painless. I wouldn't do myself in but to swoon and then literally die in a painless bliss that registers as a ride to heaven. 

In the science of negotiations, the answers I've come up with gives me what's called leverage, a bargaining chip. I've actually brought something to the table. 

Pastor Joel says that God always hears but doesn't listen. 

Now we're talking about the same God who denies me an early reprieve even though I've come up with valid answers that very few of any others have but for him it's all right to randomly fire off a volcano that kills thousands like Krakatoa or Vesuvius or thinks it's all right to unleash an asteroid killing trillions of dinsoaurs all at once. 

I sometimes think that God is an @sshole for not giving me an early reprieve. My life sucks. It's always sucked. I'm just not feeling it. That's a reason that makes me decide to not get the apps that I didn't get and wouldn't get. I've seen the trailer and just wasn't feeling it. Why not give me an early reprieve? I can see my friends who died young in the downtown eastside laughing. "Ha! You're still there? Our lives sucked but at least we were able to do something about it. The physics here are exquisite. No more earthly BS, that some people are left without.

" "Some are born to sweet delight while others are born to the endless night." William Blake, 

"In the afterlife, everyone gets more than a fair shake. We got the early reprieve that we wanted and we, ha, sure didn't come up with the answers that you have. I thought you'd be able to make your own arrangements. God helps those who help themselves. We got some h*roin and overdosed. We are the captains of our own ship."

No teleportation so I have to walk to places, no telepathy so it's impossible to meet women let alone to understand them. You call this freedom? You call this existence? You call this a download? 

In the afterlife, things are a lot cooler. Teleportation and complete telepathic and empathic understanding and no one gets ripped off. 

This dimension is an abberation, a deviance, a perversion of the optimal physics and optimal existence that can be found in the afterlife. Can you blame me for wanting an early reprieve? 

Gracia is a great free VR app. 3D displays. Food pron. 

Also dancing and boxing. 

I want to recommend this app. 

I thought of voting for Mark Carey's representative. I intellectually respect that Mark Carney was the Governor of the bank of Canada and the bank of UK. 

I don't have a dog in the local fight. Vote for the local NDP Mla because this neighborhood is an NDP stronghold. 

Over the last ten years under the NDP's watch, the streets have degenerated to a degree that is nothing short of profound. The downtown Eastside in Vancouver under the airhead NDP MLA and the MP's has degenerated to a profound degree. While China has gotten twice as successful and rockshow in the last 25 years, the downtown Eastside of Vancouver underwent a commensurate downgrade in other words, its been a real sh*tshow. Useless! Toothless! 

China is like Bedford Falls and Canada is like Potterville from the movie It's A Wonderful Life. 

Normal people with diligence genuinely trying to live a decent life generate a certain kind of energy and they get delinquent energy in return. Thanks to governmental mismanagement. 

I would also say that over the last tne years under the Trudeau Liberals watch, Canada has gotten more moth eaten and flybkown and more backwater. 

I'm probably going to vote for the Conservatives. 

"The Liberals have ruined Canada with their dangerous, deadly, and bizarre social experiment of decriminalizing hard drugs." Pierre Poilievre, Leader of the Conservatives 

The Liberal-NDP consortium that has run the downtown Eastside of Vancouver and  downtown Victoria over the last ten years has really, I mean really, sh*t the bed. 

"Ask yourself. Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" Ronald Reagan

Golf Plus VR has better physics. 

Golf 5 VR has better graphics. 

I'd rather play Golf Plus. Bad physics makes a game rakes three times longer than it should. Physics before graphics. 

Age before beauty. 

Two favorite golf courses on Golf Plus. 

Butler Park Pitch and Putt - in downtown Austin. Formerly the site of a clay mine. 

Two founders. One of which sadly, in 1952 got done in in the changing room of the golf course a few years after the golf course was founded. Police swarmed the park that day. 

The golf course is a favorite of all ages. No handicap requirements. 

Yale University golf course. The designers were TB McDonald and Seth Raynor. Whoever they were. They were probably great golfers. Ben Crenshaw recommends the golf course. 

Bring your Ben Hogans. Those are top name golf clubs. 

The course is designed to be a physical workout for University students with long courses over many steep and winding hills. 

I like University. The vibe. As for being an actual student, the poverty, the ADHD, and sheer laziness prevents me from studying at University. There is a Humanities 101 Course. 

It's free for residents of the downtown Eastside and held at UBC. That would be heavenly and rockshow if it's at the Point Grey campus. If its at UBC Robson Square, not so much. 

Humanities 101 is probably available at UBC Okanagan for any tent city residents in the Okanagan. Okanagan UBC isn't even at the level of UVIC let alone UBC. 

Humanities 101 is available at UVIC which is the second best University I ever visited. It's not at the level of UBC so I'm figuring if I'm not getting the best, I'm not messing with the rest. I would study Humanities 101 at UBC at the Point Grey campus or not at all. 

Does UBC have a golf course. Absolutely. Is it available in VR? No because Canada is too backwater of a country for any Canadian golf courses to be available in VR. 

There should be a Vancouver VR app and in ten years, 35 year old developers living in their parents basement can do a better app than professional store bought apps of today. 

A Vancouver golf VR app should include 

UBC golf course which is the Point Grey golf course 

Fraserview pitch and putt 

The in all probability extinct Rupert and 1st Avenue pitch and putt. Extinct. Converted into a condo or a mid grade shopping mall. Mid grade compared to shopping malls in Asia, empirically speaking. 

Whenever I play golf in VR, it's like playing golf during the worst days of the pandemic, at the start when a vaccine hadn't been available. It's like playing golf as a character in the movie The Night of the Comet. Unsettling but VR is at its infancy. 

VR is in the stage to VR what the equivalent of George Melies Journey to the Moon released in 1902, or else what Phantom of the Opera 1925 at best, is to motion pictures. 

VR will really get going in another ten years. 

So don't be surprised to be the only person on the golf course which is downright plastic. Not scary. Just a sterile anemic experience, like what a lot of people's sexual histories were like. "Speak for yourself!" 

Friday, April 11, 2025 

I imagine that since I wrote a lot of scientific things about the nature of time which I believe I have an advanced knowledge of, like in the movie Terminator 2, there are scientists behind double sided mirrors recording things I write. 

The train dioramas I did in Toy Trains VR, why look at the pictures when you can personally visit and have a look? Some hackers have that ability including those who work for the Police. Russian hackers could visit someone's train diorama in Toy Trains VR. Get ideas. Reverse engineer. 

I know that in sharing knowledge, some people who I just know I would hate if I met them are reading and benefitting from my knowledge. Casting pearls before swine. But there are a lot more people whom I just know I would like if I met them are also reading and benefitting from the knowledge. 

The google view counter says this blog only has 4 people who rewd this blog. There's probably a lot more. I'm getting ripped off on even view counts let alone money. My mother and Heather weren't ripped off like I am yet they got an early reprieve. The physics of this dimension have rip offs as a possibility. 

Publishing is a very dishonest business. I often think of quitting life. 

God hasn't given me an early reprieve. He might ask why and I would have the most excellent set of answers. I've figured it out. 

While others, he would ask why they want an early reprieve and they would say, "Uh," and God would say, "Granted!" 

I'll ask him that in the afterlife. "Why didn't you give me an early reprieve?" 

In golf, the afterlife is known as the 19th hole. 

I got a Spalding 1 driver golf club with a graphite shaft. $8.50.

Old fashioned golf clubs have a wooden shaft! 

On Golf plus, the practice mode let's a person play at a random golf course. Eventually they can play every golf course for free. Stipulations. Random golf course. You can't choose your own but can opt out until the one you want shows up. It can be awhile. And only 9 holes, never the full 18 holes. 

On Pinball FX2 VR one can play every pinball table free. 

Stipulations. 3 minute limit or 3 ball limit. Whatever happens first. Scores not eligible for credit. Just like dropping in to a University lecture. You can learn but you won't get any school credits for that. 

I've worked it out. To get involved with media, the arts, writing is to merge into a pool of mutual sharing and a lot of it for free. 

Every garden of souls has a gardener so these media websites like YouTube, Google, blogger have administrators who make money. But they make money off a lot of people. This money is generated towards taxes which maintains National infrastructure. These administrators are talented at making money and are talented at generating taxes for the government. 

Everyone has access to free media. One can purchase a book or borrow it at a library or purchase the book at a discount at a second hand bookstore. In the case of libraries and used bookstores the author receives no royalty. In the case of movies, there are thousands of free movies available on the Internet in sites such as YouTube, Tubi and fawesome. 

You get to watch a movie that took a hundred million dollars and quite a few months work from a few hundred people for free but even purchasing the movie at whatever is a bargain. 

So I did cartoons and got no money for it. Hopefully my cartoons inspired some people to get into the arts of some kind including as a tattoo artist instead of living a life of doing nothing at all to give back to society. I had fun doing the cartoons. I'd do cartoons with added zeal if I find a girlfriend again. Then I'd have a muse. Wind in my sails. Until then, I have to strive for a vision and some kind of a script. Kurosawa refused to do a movie without a good script. So would all other directors presumably. 

In as much as I can say, from this point on, I won't talk about getting an early reprieve ever again. Life is a blast. It's the negative things in life that give life flavor and variety. Overcoming something negative and emerging from the other end stronger than when you went in is better than living a sheltered life having overcoming nothing at all. 

There are people who are in dire but not dire wolf medical conditions and they still have the will to live. Anyone who does themself in no doubt has this thought occur to them. 

They think of the person who is a quadriplegic who still has the guts and decency to make a go of it because it is the existentially decent and noble thing to do. 

If you can't stay alive for yourself, stay alive for your government in whatever form it takes. Crown, Republic, Commonwealth, Protectorate, whatever. The government wants this and expects this of you. Do this to honour your government. 

As life is honored, government is honored. As government is honored, life is honored. 

All problems wither under the glare of good government. 

Nikola Tesla said to understand the Universe, one has to think in terms of energy, frequencies, and vibrations. 

The Universe has bits and bytes of intelligence and knowledge. Quantum bits of information. 

Therefore it isn't time and space that registers as data, subjectively speaking. 

It is data that registers as time and space, objectively speaking. If this wasn't so, time travel and teleportation wouldn't be possible even through watching a video and skipping to different points back and forth which is time travel or using a telephone which is teleportation. Data can be added to, scrambled and erased. 

Subjectively, its consciousness that registers as data. 

Objectively, it's data that registers as consciousness. 

Perhaps it's all a one second download in another paradigm. Consciousness is part of that download. Earthly consciousness ego. The spirit mind which is the deeper and truer mind apart from the earthly ego mind is itself also a download but from another overprogram. Overprogram, kind of like an overseer. 

Saturday, April 12, 2025 

TPC Sawgrass is a golf course in Florida famous for the 17th hole which is on an island reachable via a thin isthmus. The water surrounding that hole is notorious for alligators. One diver whose job it is to retrieve golf balls said the he was once bitten and another time an alligator bum rushed him and knocked his scuba visor off. 

The most incredible putting green moment was from Tiger Woods. He sank the ball on the putting green with the ball making the most pronounced 'S' motion I have ever seen. Is that skill or luck? Some golfers can read the inclines of a putting green like some chefs have a magic palate. They eat something and can identify all the ingredients. 

Tragically and most enragingly, a female Police Officer was set on fire in Vancouver. Someone with ten, count them, ten outstanding warrants doused the Officer with some accelerant fluid and then threw a match. There are a lot of citizens I'm sure who would like to go to the cell and give that suspect a good punch in the face. The Police would say, "Don't. We're handling this." 

Goofus and Gallant. 

Gallant donates to the Police charity and volunteers to sweep the grounds of the Courthouse clean to another level. A shining job. 

Goofus sets Police Officer on fire. 

Two days ago there was supposed to be an 8 hour internet outage starting at 10 pm. You can guess where this is going. I braced myself for an outage that never occurred st all. Vilnius, expectations VS reality. 

What I think happened was the basis of the upload being a tweak being ten terabytes of computer programming language preliminarily parsed pre-ready basis data was then uploaded from their end and then downloaded by all end user devices in about ten seconds. Give or take a coiple of seconds. There would have been an outage but it wouldn't have been perceptible. It makes about 30 seconds of outage until it registers on the modem and more importantly, on the television. 

The upload was so quick that it snuck past the 30 second prompt. 

I wonder about my faith in God. God would have me in a set up where I'm the only one in my family and extended family who didn't meet their mother. My mother died when I was really young. What a sh*t set up. And I'm supposed to still believe in God rather than just random bullsh*t forces? 

I'm not sure how much I believe in God. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. 

Over 99.9% of Chinese families remain in China. My father had these crackpot Christian siblings who thought that bringing him too over to Canada was a good idea gambling on some crackpot notion that the Christian West is supposedly better. 

My life would have been a lot better in a lot of ways had I never come to Canada. When I was growing up I would have been called many things in Hong Kong but certainly not a visible minority and certainly not by my government. 

In the 70s Maoists like the Pathet Lao were seen as backward and bad. 

Hong Kong is a complete Western protectorate allied with Western interests and there are local cliques who have a dog in the fight to maintain that quirky status quo. 

It used to be that Hong Kong was the flashy rock show one and China was the backwater. Now the shoe is on the other foot. 

Now Hong Kong is kinda second rate and backwater compared with China. China is the high tech futuristic rock show. It turns out the Maoists or Chinese became the futuristic advanced one while the Western protectorate is the backward backwater one. That's what you get for siding against the Maoists. 

Thirty years ago, these countries were referred to as Third World or emerging economies. Now they may as well be referred to as eclipsing economies. Look at China. Look at Dubai, Look at Qatar. Way way way way more advanced than the West. 

Immigration laws are to discourage the poor from moving to another country. 

The rich can not move. They'd create a power vacuum, they'd leave too many things behind, even entire estates. The poor can travel and let's face it, most people of they had a million dollars they'd move to another country. 

If you are unsuccessful its not who you are. It's where you are. Different temperaments resonate more with certain places and less with others. Not all places are equal. Depends what you want. Things which you want which are so rare where you are. These things are plentiful in another country. 

A lot of poor have skills. They can speak multiple languages and a lot have a skill set. 

If they had a million, a lot would leave and never come back. It's more fun to be an expat. 

"Why don't you return to the town in which you once lived?" Because I learned it from you. 

Anyway, 75% of residents in any town are from elsewhere and never went back. 75% of statistics are false anyways. 

The reciprocal economies where food is cheap, a meal at a restaurant is $1 Canadian have cheap wages but the price of plane travel is consistent making it difficult for the poor to travel and the other economy where wages are high but so are food prices so that same meal would cost about $30 in Canada including taxes and tips again makes it difficult for the poor to travel. 

It's a crooked table slanted against the poor, part and parcel of the much hated much loathed physics of this dimension. 

What a sh*tbag dimension with hits sh*tbag physics. Worry about money all the God damned time. I asked God to give me an early reprieve. He saw it fit to waste my mother and to waste Heather. At least he could have been considerate enough to take me along as well. As you see, I don't really want to be here expecially when I've come up with the answers that I have. I figured it out. My answers entitle me to an early reprieve from God. 

I want to walk out of life like walking out of some sh*tty job. 

Let's make the distinction. I'm not asking for an early reprieve here. What I'm merely saying is that is a plan B that God could have resorted to but didn't. All I'm saying is that things would have been better for all involved most of all me had I gotten an early reprieve years ago. Again, not asking for an early reprieve. 

There are a lot of flakes and squares that you can't unmeet once you meet them. Especially at Church. Ugh. *shudder. 

Extraneous personalities with whom I have less and less in common with as time goes on. Why bother? I owe them nothing and they owe me nothing. No one owes anyone a lifelong friendship. 

It's literally a hundred times easier to not go to Church than to go to Church. I don't see how I'd go ever again. 

If the premise is that they want you to go to Church again, they won't beat you up. How could you go to Church while nursing injuries? How could one go to Church when they are in traction? 

They won't get you arrested and charged for not going to Church or else in order to get you to go back to Church. If one is charged, they are at the Police station holding cells, in the Courthouse, at the probation office, at the prison. In no case are they in that Church again. 

Any Church can get the Police to prevent a person from going to Church. However no Police will enforce a person going to Church if they don't want to go. 

If that were to happen, the situation would be so irreparably compromised that it would end any chances of going to that Church again for life. 

When I see people from that Church in the street, I tell them that I often think of going there again. But that's all it is. A thought. That Church has some nice stained glass windows. That's about it. 

Knowing what I know about life, had my mother lived, had I stayed in Hong Kong, my life would have been unimaginably awful in some way that it otherwise wasn't. That's Murphy's Law. What can go wrong will go wrong. The grass is never greener on the other side. Every country is the wrong country. Every country is only ever one set of advantages and disadvantages VS that of another country. 

China. It helps to know that language and well. China is more traditional so money and class are more emphasized. Otherwise, lots of energy, money, and traving is alway a hassle. 

I don't even want to travel to Sidney BC. In fact, I strongly object to the idea due to my haunting memories and the residual PTSD that always always accompanies that. And Sidney BC is 55 miles away. China is what. A few thousand miles away? Forget about it. 

Even the thought of traveling to Sidney BC gives me quite a blast of anxiety. My amygdala is on fire. What were the chances of that? 

It's better for me to be single. 

Over the decades I heard some stories about women with broken glass or razor blades in their verginas. I've never heard any stories of men judiciously coating their member with cubes of shatter glass or with a layer of rough 50 grade sandpaper before sliding it in. 

Women are just nasty. 

"The female of the species is deadlier than the male." Rudyard Kipling 

I fear the future. Not a palpable fear but an intellectual fear. If there is God, is there? I have to trust that there is. There is a God but often God works in ways that no human mind can understand. 

I look to the future and all I see is fear. 

"I can see you know nothing of wizards. They are like winter thunder on a wild wind  rolling in from a distance, breaking hard in alarm. But sometimes a storm is just a storm." Thranduil, The Hobbit 

Paintings in the mind of the future are like winter thunders, wild rolling winds etc. But sometimes all they are is just that. Just a picture of a disaster and not an actual disaster.

Perhaps the future is like

Vilnius, Expectations VS Reality. 

I played TPC Sawgrass today on Golf Plus. The back 9 to get to the infamous 17th hole which is not what I would refer to my 17th girlfriend as. 

I didn't see any alligators. I saw one last time. This app is so ingenius that different alligators appear or not in all kinds of different places. 

Sigh. I regressed and got back om the monthly subscription which includes Pebble Beach which is the number 1 golf course in the USA. 

Sweetens Cove, Butler Park is not prestigious. Common. Farthing hotdogs. 

Pebble Beach is a rich man's country club. So is St Andrews in Scotland. Jumeirah Estates is also very prestigious. Jumeirah and Scottsdale golf courses have Rolex advertisements. You sure don't see that at Butler Park. What you do see at Butler Park is Bill Murray from Cadsyshack, Gunga Galunga. 

The Butler Park murder turned out to be more murky that imaginable. What happened was a man went into the clubhouse which had a general store of some kind. The man asked for a pack of cigarettes which cost forty cents at the time. But then wages were fifty cents an hour at the time. The man produced a dollar. One of the two founders was working at the store. As the co founder was looking for change from the cash register, he got shot. He ran out. Shot a few more times to remove all doubt. The man ran out running past another person who was there at the time. The man wasn't interested at all in the other guy. 

"He obviously wasn't interested in your skinny @ss otherwise you'd be dead too." Beverly Hills Cop

The co founder had incriminating information about nine other than then Senator LBJ. As the man drove away in a car, some golfers who were there had score cards. The one the man ran past shouted to the golfers to write down the license plate and to make a not of the car make and model. The golfers got every license plate letter and number except one. The Police were still able to use that to make an arrest. 

The man never talked. But for a poor man, he had some high priced lawyers. Not your $50,000 a year public defenders. These were the majorly private sector lawyers. Very expensive. The man got five years probation. 

Theories are that LBJ ordered the hit. Well, someone else connected to later Vice President then President LBJ got shot but I can't remember exactly who. 

The World record for fastest download was set in Japan at about 50.25 terabytes per second! Is that a download or a singularity? Or a mini singularity? All black holes are singularities. It's a fact that some black holes are larger than others. 

"640 kb ought to be enough for anybody." Commodore 64

50.25 Tb is a few lifetimes worth of memory objectively, memories subjectively. 

How many movies is a quarter of that? A quarter of that is about 13 Tb of memory. It used to be 2.5 Gb of memory per movie. But computer programming parses down and compresses so that movie could be stored with a fraction of the memory. That's like a lifetime, hundreds of movies. As for audio let alone novels and printed text? Forget about it! 

Semiconductor chips either get smaller all the time or else they process more memory in that amount of space. 

A 5 Mb computer chip being loaded onto a plane in 1956. 

5 Mb is 5,000 letters of printed text enough for a 5,000 letter essay. 

Today, that computer chip would be large enough after being hollowed out into a storage unit, to store a 50" 4K TV, VR goggles, a laptop computer, two ten inch tablets and a Sony PSP with plenty of space left over. Even then, all those things put together even with the 5 Mb from 1956 anachronistically thrown in for the sake of argument, that still wouldn't be one terabyte. So 50 Tb downloaded in one second is a whopping lot. 

However that pales in comparison to how much data in total is downloaded every second on all computers in all the world. A few million terabytes downloaded per second in this realm. And that's the whole point illustrated, isn't it? 

So just like a computer life only has download, parsing through the data and upload aka birth, living life and dying, respectively. That's it. 

Sunday, April 13, 2025

I got some coincidences. Signs that I'm on the right track. Or else it's just more confirmation bias. 

I watched some of a couple of movies yesterday. Not even the entire movie. Just at a random point where I last left off. 

The movie Ready Player One mentions a singularity. 

"I strayed out of thought and time. The stars wheeled overhead. And every day was as long as a life age on the Earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again." Gandalf, The Two Towers 

Life review, NDE, gone for what seemed like forever on their end but on this end they were gone for only two minutes. Singularity. 

Nurse: "You flatlined for two minutes. We get that all the time." 

News. 

Russians attack Ukrainian city of Sumi. What can I say about a town that I'm nearly 55 years old and this is the first time I heard of that town. Towns like Las Vegas, Paris, London, Tokyo, New York I heard of before I was ten years old. 

Isn't Sumi or Suomi what Finnish people refer to the Finnish language as? The Kalevala is an epic Finnish poem that Tolkien derived inspiration from for Lord of the Rings. 

The Pope addresses parishioners st the Vatican without the aid of an oxygen respirator. Which underscores that such an endeavour would be an accomplishment for anyone given this age of social anxiety and PTSD. 

Vancouver Canucks hockey player Derek Forbort got an orbital bone fracture resulting from a melee on the ice rink from Minnesota Wild Yakov Trenin. 

Will there be criminal charges? 

Todd Bertuzzi attacked Steve Moore and there were charges resulting from that. 

Forbort is now gone for the season. The orbital bone is what frames the eye socket on the face. That would've been painful. 

Fiction: 

"I accept any challenges that come my way. Like politicians of old, I've accepted challenges to many duels and I've survived every one of them. So if any voting constituents think that they have what it takes, write me a letter at the Parliament Buildings. These letters would then be forwarded to the Police Department and the Police Officers in charge of this file would go through the pile of letters and through some Byzantine selection process, they would cherry pick and then place on a shortlist those whom I would be most likely to survive. But I am worried as there is always a chance that something could go wrong however remote even with Police vetting." 

Monday, April 14, 2025

Today, I got Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones Legends match 3. 

Rick: "Everything around here has changed."

Daryl:  "The thing is, it was you who changed it."

The Walking Dead 

Medium Nicole this week talks about, in her words, "the F* you moments, the Mike drops from spirit." That says it all. She mentions a download. Mike drops. The angel Michael or Mike. I'm keeping score. 

Mike drop. Drop purple Mike acid. Purple microdot. No, don't do it. 

A few days ago someone important connected to a book store said hello to me. 

60 Minutes. Banana Baseball:  "They're geniuses. They cracked the code." 

I have YouTube on autoplay. One of the videos that showed up had a picture of Einstein on the thumbnail, 'Rare Genius Deals'. 

I once had a dream of Einstein. He was wearing a dark blue Irish style sweater and he was sitting in a bamboo peacock chair. He was in the living room of a house I had once lived at decades ago. He was facing West, the back of the chair against a wall of the living room. There was no other furniture in the room. Sunlight streaming in through the large living room window. No curtains on window. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2025 

This week is Easter. 

When Jesus was brought before the high Priest Caiphas, Jesus was asked who he thought he was. Jesus said something along the lines of, "I am the Son of God. I will come from Heaven seated at the Right Hand of the Father."

Caiphas was so angry, he tore his own shirt. 

He was angry because he felt that Jesus appropriated words directly from Daniel 7:13 "I am the Son of God and I will come from Heaven seated st the Right Hand of the Father."*

*source: Tracing the locations of the last 24 hours of Jesus. YouTube 

Wall Town Wonders is one of the best mixed reality games. 

World building. Beautiful graphics. Sizzles in profundity. 

Mesmerizing. 

Wall Town Wonders has a free Christmas level. 

I might have to rearrange the framed pictures on my wall to make room for WTW. This game really impresses me. 

I had to restart from scratch as once some of the buildings are placed, it can't be moved. I placed a farm somewhere that I didn't want. I had the option to move the Town Hall. Then I wanted to move my farm where the Town Hall was and couldn't. So start from scratch. This game is everything that Demeo and Witchblood tries to be. 

The only other mixed reality games I really like are 

Pinball Fx VR. 

Hell Horde. 

"With your birth comes a solemn vow. You will have nothing. Your orivelege is the dirt." Star Wars, Knights of the Old Republic 

I think that God has forsaken me. He took away my mother but then that also means I never grieved for her. Sadhguru said that the bond that a person has with another is called the runabunda. The more intense and closer the runabunda is, the more intense the grief. A person can die from grief in the first 30 days after a loved ones death. 

Donald Trump mentioned something about inversely proportional. That brings to mind the topic of proportionality. The intensity of grief is directly proportional to the amount of time spent with the other person. 

Grief still hits me with a searing haunting spirit. My heart aches and it feels that a razor blade is being slowly sliced along the side of my heart. 

"How can you mend a broken heart? 

How can a closer ever win? 

So help me mend my broken heart. 

So I can live again."

The Bee Gees

Anyways, I fear that I will be single for life. But my brain paints pictures. Sometimes it's just a picture and that's all it is. I've learned that now. 

I once thought that Heather would be alive for another 20 years. 

I once thought I'd get coronavirus during the pandemic and die. 

Yesterday I misplaced my VR paddle. I thought it rolled under the bed. I pulled my bed aside and used a flashlight. Ten minutes later, I found it some place else in the room. 

Talk about the brain painting a picture. 

Before a tsunami, there is a lot less water than usual. If one sees a ride rolling out a lot, that's a warning. Then there is a lot of water. In life, sometimes for awhile, there is a lot less than usual before there is a lot more than usual. When it rains it pours. 

Wall Town Wonders revolves around mini games. 

The fishing one I got a hang of. The firefighting World War One airplane is delightful and In mixed reality as well. The diving board is as difficult as anything. Nearly impossible if not absolutely impossible. 

I am absolutely crestfallen and in commiseration that I haven't been able to attain the Christmas update. Supposedly everyone who downloads this after the December 2024 update gets the Christmas level. This is a monumental letdown of Olympian proportions. 

This app definitely has a Pavlov's dog aspect which I like. 

Pavlov's dog plus saved progress. World War One Airplane has all kinds of upgrades. But the mission must be complete or start all over again. No saved progress. For eg. Mission. Shoot down 12 enemy airplane. Shoot down 7 and get struck down. No credit for 7 enemies taken out. Start all over again. 

When it comes to being an @ss hole, life always always finds a way. I fenerste the energy of diligence and at just about every turn, I get delinquency in return. 

I complete work sweeping the grounds of the Courthouse and I see a delinquent yelling. The typical miscreant forces of life. That's why I often want to quit life. 

There is that story about focusing on the small imperfect dot on otherwise vastly mostly perfectly fine piece of paper. 

For every delinquent there are literally thousands of people who don't obviously appear to be delinquents. That's the actual ratio. 

I generate thoughtfulness and get thoughtlessness in return. For years Ive lived with a neighbour who likes to feed pigeons. He let's them into his room. There is a video on YouTube about someone arguing with a food truck vendor outside of London Drugs who was feeding pigeons. The guy said,  "It's a $300 fine. I can literally call the cops on you."

For literally years, day in, day out, every morning I wake up to the smell of foetid pungent bird urine. The guy lies often. He is like a lot of people I met in my lifetime. Chronic liars. Lied even when there was no good reason to. 

Mendacious, prevaricating, lying personality. 

I don't feed birds so naturally in return, the damned forces of life dispatches my way someone who feeds birds. 

I've come up with the answers too. Life and its much hated set of physics is a defective download, a broken platform. For some reason I don't get an early reprieve. I have to endure the contemptible insufferable physics of this dimension. Including massive delinquency. My neighbour is a sleazy scuzzy guy. He has the mind of a 14 year old. 

Inconsiderate. Liar. Gas lighter. 

The guy is Polish. You can't write Polish without writing the word LI, in other words, lie. 

I should ask him, Dlaczego zawsze klamiesz? Which means why are you always lying? 

The Poles had to always lie to avoid the World War 2 authorities of the time. My neighbour would have been too young for that but his parents certainly wouldn't have been. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case. 

He came from a generation where it was common to tell adults one thing and children another. And every f*cking chance they could get. 

That's why I hate the human species. I really hate the human species. I wish I had an early reprieve. I should have been a Satanist. I could have died earlier and been spared the existentially counterproductive physics of this dimension. 

Satanism teaches that a good death is better than a bad life rather than vice versa. 

Satanism teaches that the value of life is finite because it is finite and not infinite based on some false tautilogial and teleologjcal poetic reasoning. 

Satanism teaches conditional love. 

Constant perpetual unending delinquency. Feeding birds. Birdman of Alcatraz. 

He's been feeding birds for years and my landlord is completely retarded about the whole thing. It's not like my landlord has to deal with this so to him it's just some weird irrelevant abstract BS. What a flake. I don't really respect that guy. 

One day I'll move to another place or he'll move to another place. 

Thats the Murphy's Law delinquent sleazy aspect of the much loathed forces of life. Generate honesty and all the sh*t bonkers forces of life ever sends your way is inveterate liars. To hell with them. The devil to them. Like Trump said, "Toxic and won't be missed." 

"Liar and won't be missed." 

Thai: krung Su tai. The last time. 

"Suk wun ning, pom gor jer khun krung su tai." One day I'll see you for the last time. 

One day I'll see that insonsiderate pola*k delinquent pigeon feeder for the last time. 

Sadhguru did say in a video years ago that you never know when you are going to see someone for the last time. In the case of a future faking gaslighting delinquent narcissist, that would be a great occasion indeed. I wouldn't be sorry to hear that one had gone. 

There's a few Hollywood actors. I won't name them but I wouldn't be sorry to see them gone. Often I feel some sadness to hear that a famous celebrity had gone. But some celebrities were jerks on screen. I'm sure they were reading from a script, but my subconscious picked up something that tells me that they are not acting. I usually stand for a moment of silence when someone famous goes. These certain celebrities, I won't stand for a moment of silence when they go. 

Oh well. People come and go just as suddenly. You leave them where you find them. 

There's another joker in my hotel. The bird feeding neighbour has the mind of a 14 year old. This other neighbour has the mind of an 8 year old. His smoke alarm keeps going off. Really really bizarre when you realize that this is the guy who always goes out of his way to leave the bathroom window wide open even in minus seven degree weather. You'd think he'd be the last one to have his smoke alarm going off all the time. This morning was mild. The other day, it was 45 minutes starting at 5:30 am. What a flake. What a dweeb. Fukcing no-mind! 

I don't know if I believe in God. I think it's all just random forces. 

Imagine if someone walked into a Church and told whoever was there,  "I don't think that there is a God. I think that it's all just random forces. It's all just Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong including the Earth being created. The Earth having been created is a result of something gone wrong, an aberration, rather than a serendipity gone right kind of like how nacre creates the pearl of an oyster resulting from a kind of sickness in the oyster. This explains why society and the streets in general is just saturated with delinquency. And the Earth does look like a pearl from a distance in space too. That says it all. Often, life gives you clues." 

What would I think would happen? The attendant calls the Priest of that Church who then calls all Priests of all other Churches, "I think we should shut all it down just because someone walked in off the streets and said that it's all just random forces." 

Right. And this is after hundreds of years of tradition and history. Uh, I don't think so. 

Thursday, April 17, 2025

I don't go to night clubs. Ever. Too much of a hassle. 

Eventually it gets to be like Church. A lot of flakes with whom I have nothing in common with. Nightclubs are pricey. I want to save money. 

Me and millions of others don't go to nightclubs. 

However, I'm the same person who also doesn't use the phone to call anyone. I'm not on any twitter and I don't make nor receive calls on my VR set up. Sometimes I get calls. There are many reasons someone would call and the vast majority of them aren't good. Blocked. 

Let alone people in other towns. Once I leave a town everyone there is forgotten to me. I never call them or contact them in any way. 

So why would I feel anything in particular about not going to clubs? 

Most people who go to clubs are gregarious social butterflies. 

It's strange that someone who isn't social at all would be concerned about not going to nightclubs. 

Most people in the world, I don't have anything in common with them. But what a terrible world it would be if everyone was just like me and was at my level in doing all things. There goes the entire internet infrastructure and computers and tablets and any technology. Like I know how to do any of that. If everyone in the World cooked at my level, there wouldn't be any restaurants. Who would pay if they could prepare food that is just as bad and for free? There wouldn't be any Michelin star restaurants. 

Thankfully, there is only one person like me who is at my level. Other people are them and they are at a higher level of not much higher in a lot of things such as architectural and technological and scientific knowledge etc. I don't claim to be the most spiritual person in the World. My spirituality is mediocre. A lot of Priests if not all Priests, presumably, at Church are more spiritual than I am. It goes without saying. Priests seem to be very calm about issues that I seem stressed about. 

There comes a point where I just don't forgive people. If upon reflection, I see that someone has humiliated me or made me lose face or did something bad to me that I have not and would not do to them, at that point they're dead to me. 

My father was someone who was a compulsive liar. He lied even when there was no reason to. 

My mother died when I was at a young age. My father who otherwise hadn't died when I was at a young age had placed me in a set up with the table slanted against me in a way that it was never slanted against him. 

My mother died when I was very young. His mother didn't die until he was quite old. And that was about ten years older than I am now! 

Sympathy is when you feel concern for someone who had something bad happen to them that never happened to you. 

Empathy is when you feel concern for someone who had something bad happen to them that also happened to you. 

So there was only ever sympathy and not empathy from my father. 

That ship has sailed but if I did become a father, there would also only be sympathy and not empathy as hopefully if all went well, there would have been a living actual mother and not stepmother in the family the entire time unlike in my case. 

I haven't seen my father in over 20 years. I don't miss him. I think he's dead. Whether he is or not, neither answer would surprise me. 

If I don't contact someone again, is that revenge or forgiveness? Revenge takes many forms including ghosting. But forgiveness also takes many forms including ghosting. I didn't visit again but at the same time I also didn't hurl the ignorant toxic verbal abuse words at the even once that they were quite liberal in dispensing to me for years upon years. Perhaps only an angel wouldn't verbally abuse someone once who verbally abused them for years. I don't miss my parents! 

Wall Town Wonders bullsh*tted me. I thought I was going to get the Christmas setup. That would make the buildings look very awesome or what? Hopefully I could still find it. Sometimes these things appear as Easter eggs that show up only if one progresses to a certain point in the game. This has world building but the mini games are set to gruelling in terms of difficulty. Just like my life. 

"With your birth comes a solemn vow. You will have nothing. Your privelege is the dirt."

Star Wars 

"Some are born to sweet delight While others are born to endless night."William Blake 

Wall Town Wonders is me having my own Miniature World right here in Victoria BC. If there's a more perfect town to have your own miniature world, I haven't heard about it. There are a few others. There's a town in Germany that has a miniature world. 

I thought of going to Sidney BC. In the Sherlock Holmes episode, The Devils Foot, Sherlock Holmes visited a small island in Scotland for a vacation. Doctor Watson said it is actually very profoundly medicinal and therapeutic to go on a vacation. 

Sidney would be pricey. It could be. One could just step off the bus, walk around, don't spend any money and then come back. The tendency is to get something to eat. After a one hour bus ride, one feels just knackered and wasted and anemic. One must eat to bring up blood sugars. This is healthy for the body. 

I want to save up enough money to one day stay for just one night at a 5 star hotel. It's a once in a lifetime experi once for some. For others it's just another day. Sweet delight or endless night. 

It's this musical chairs aspect of the physics of this dimension that makes me want to quit life. Especially when I've come up with the answers. Especially when I've cracked the code. And God still won't give me an early reprieve. Again, not asking for an early reprieve but rather baffled that he wouldn't Green light my request for an early reprieve since I've come up with the answers most haven't and figured it all out namely, 

Time travel is time experienced on an objective level. Linear time is subjective. 

Teleportation is space travel on an objective level. Linear travel is subjective. 

Its all just codes. Quantum bits of information that appear as pixels the size of a Planck length but each if fully tapped into has the explosive power of a Universe. 

It's not time and space that registers as data, it's data that registers as time and space. 

And all this is under a one second download. A singularity. We are parsing through the data of that singularity. There is no linear time. There is just that one second pulse over and over again which forms the time signature perimeter or the shell of the original less than one second download and with each pulse, the pixels or quantum buts of information rearrange itself differently each time, like snowflakes no two pulses are exactly alike. Sometimes these quantim pixels rearrange themselves gradually and sometimes suddenly all at once as in the case of teleportation. Using either the associative, commutative or distributive principle of mathematics, this is what makes linear time, time travel, time dilation, reverse entropy, double slit experiment, Shroedingers Cat all possible. 

With that answer God hasn't given me an early reprieve. 

Only with a few women have I had that extra special chemistry with. Every time I see her when I return home, I think about her. 

It's getting to the point where I know it when I see it and I know it when I don't see it. 

With most, I see her, return home and don't remember her at all. So if I see a guy with a lady whom I've known for awhile, seen her around, even talked with her but otherwise felt nothing at all, I feel nothing. I don't feel jealous. 

I rare instances, it could be the case of a lady being with someone just to get the guy whom she really likes, jealous. To inflame his passions. 

Lady, if I never have felt any chemistry with you specifically in particular, and most likely never will, all the inflaming of all the passions would do absolutely nothing at all. 

I come from a technologically advanced race. The Natives of North America are more or less the same race. 

Natives crossed the Bering Strait to North America around 27,000 years ago from China. 

I crossed the Pacific Ocean on a 747 jet plane in the early 70s, what's the difference? 

27,000 years is just a blink of an eye in geological time. 

What about genetic time? Do genes and alleles of different gene pools of the same race separated with great distances change that much in 27,000 years? 

Some say 27,000 years. Some say 10,000 years. Who knows? 

My race, the Chinese have been in that area for 200,000 years. 

Humans have or still believe in really stupid elementary sh*t. 

Only a few decades ago, humans believed that there were no planets anywhere outside the solar system. 

Today humans believe that human history started around 5,000 years ago. The Egyptian Pyramids and the Chin Dynasty of China started around 4,500 years ago or 2,500 BC so give them 500 years to set that all up. In the case of Egypt with some prepatory step pyramids at Zoser. So 500 years to go from barely past Ice Age Cro. Magnin man in loin cloths to building the Pyramids of Giza and the Great Wall. Right. I believe that. Sure I do. 

Gobeckli Tepe, a 10,000 year old complex architecture city found in Indonesia. 

I don't actually know that it's 200,000 years. It's just a semi educated guess. A shot in the dark. Spit ballin'. 

I once told a Polish lady that I thought that she is as pretty as a clam. She actually does nothing for me. Tomato juice. 

Oran "Juice Jones - The Rain 

This Polish lady was always bullsh*tting me too. 

Then I found out the Polish word for lie, lying is klamiesz, klam, clam. Sometimes God actually brings the ball to my Court. That was a brilliant touch of prescient serendipity. 

I haven't seen this Polish lady for quite awhile. I don't miss her. I hope that I never see her ever again. I wish I had never met her. I think that the possibility is, she will outlive me. I would never hear of her death if it ever happened because I'm not in the necessary social circle. If I did hear of her death, I wouldn't grieve for her nearly as much as I grieved for Heather. 

I have said prayers to God hoping that I never see her ever again. 

The other Pol@ck, the bird feeder. The landlord doesn't have my back at all. I tell the landlord, the landlord talks to the guy but the guy is really slimy and conniving and nothing gets done. The bird urine smells still persist. I could live in the downtown eastside and not be living next to someone who has a hundred pigeons in his room. He lets them into his room to feed them. 

I am the only one in this hotel that has to live next to someone who feeds mice and birds all the time. 

The guy always looked cadaverous. He looks to be about 90 years old but he's 70. He looks like death warmed over. Very inconsiderate individual. 

He doesn't have cancer or AIDS but he looks like he does. What a dessicsted decrepit individual. 

Every day I am thoughtful and every day I get thoughtless EA's in return. Feeding the pigeons. Bird urine smells. 

When that guy dies of old age or whatever self inflicted fooloshness is when I won't have to deal with the bird smells anymore. 

"If you're going to die, then die and be damned to you!" James Joyce 

I have been angry at God and even briefly thought of him as a cosmic sh*t stain for doing weird sh*t all through my life like taking away my mother but not taking me away too. "I could not stop for death so death kindly stopped for me." Promises promises. 

And then dispatching the Polish pigeon feeder with his horrid wretched bird urine smells. 

If my fridge started to really smell, I'd clean it as to not upset the neighbours. 

He doesn't think like that. Inconsiderate @sshole. I won't be sorry to see him gone. If he ever dies. He might be around for another few years with his infernal inconsiderate bird smells. The devil to him! 

He's a Pol@ck. 

The Pol@ck brought a car door to the beach. Why? If it ever gets too hot, he can roll down the window. What a God d*mned f*cking wretched horrible Pol*ck. If he ever dies of Polish old age, it won't be too soon. What a senescent moribund miscreant. What a scuzzy @sshole. 

How do you know when a Pol@ck has visited your house? The garbage has been gone through and the dog's pregnant. 

Sometimes his family visits him. What a connected link of Polish sausages. 

Now I'm worried that I'll be living next to that horrible Polish man for the next what. Five, ten years? That would be absolutely horrific. 

I've come up with certain answers. God is an @sshole for not giving me an early reprieve and baffling too since he gave a lot of my friends an early reprieve and they didn't come up with the answers that I have. I have never got a satisfactory answer to this question.

The question of why didn't God give me an early reprieve since my life was awful and I still came up with certain answers. Why didn't He? It would have been a really weird day but it soon enough would have been gotten over with. Then I don't have to deal with the attendant evils of the physics of this dimension any more. 

I need the iron clad answer. The Universe hasn't given me that because the Universe is retarded. Life isn't worth living at all in a retarded Universe. 

"We're all bozos on this bus." That's Satanism. Do you understand? 

"I want to get off the bus."

"Everybody wants to get off the bus."

SCTV, Ingmar Bergman 

The election is based on a lose lose lose platform. 

Whoever is voted for is a losing vote

NDP - the local yokel choice. The downtown area has fallen apart to the point of decrepitude, streets saturated with delinquents. 

Liberal - under the Liberal watch streets across Canada have degenerated while the streets of China have flourished. 

Conservative - in the Opposition for the past ten years. They didn't cause the decade long deterioration but they sure didn't do f*ck all to prevent it. Politics makes strange fellow travelers of us all. 

Canada is doomed. It's in the toilet. And no election can fix that. For the first time I feel utterly doomed. What a morass of ineptitude. 

A Cassandra is someone who says things are doomed when they really aren't. 

A Karen is a sociopathic narcissist. 

The Obsessive Shadow VR. Scariest ever. It starts with the hallway of an old house. Lights go out. Pitch dark. A sick mother is upstairs. Walk up the pitch black stairway and hallway upstairs to check in on her. Uh, no thanks. Scared sh*tless. Uninstalled not two minutes in which could be a record for this game. I doubt it. 

Living with a horrible Pol@ck who feeds mice and pigeons all the time is even scarier than the Obsessive Shadow VR. 

It's a cheap standard VR app that uses f*cking Unity instead of Unreal Engine so it probably won't turn out to be much since this is the Georges Melies days of early VR. 

The creative are the ones who get scared. The pictures they paint in their mind. 

The picture I painted is on the way up the stairs and in the hallway, one sees small clothesless two foot tall humanoids with sharp teeth and no ears at all running up the walls. Or else zombies that look very realistic. Then the star of the show, the sick mother herself is sweating with blue colored skin, then even darker blue veins run throughout her body like rennet running through blue cheese. If VR had smell o vision, she'd probably smell like blue cheese too which for a human is not so good. Otherwise copious amounts of sickly glistening sweat and blood gushing out of massive mysterious self inflicted wounds. Drool and blood dripping out of her mouth. Hideous wide open eyes with an evil rictus of depravity and reckless macabre moral abandon. I would expect this from Unity? Really? Unreal Engine might, that is might be able to pull something like this off. But why would they? Haven't they got something more intellectually edifying to do? 

I don't know what it will actually turn out to be like. But that's the vision I painted in my mind which as you can see is why I didn't venture up the stairs. 

I saw the YouTube shorts video, All Jumpscares in Obsessive Shadow VR. The entity turned out to be a black balloon in the shape of a human with two white round eyes pasted on it. 

VR really is in a primitive phase. 

Normal people use headphones to listen to music. 

Serious technologically advanced people use music to listen to their headphones. 

VR is still in the stage where people see through their VR goggles to use VR apps. 

One day, people will use VR apps to see through their VR goggles. 

Labouring under the umbrella of the physics of this dimension is insufferable and wretched. I wish God would give me an early reprieve. Quick and painless. 

Usually when a celebrity dies, one I've heard of anyway, I stand for a moment of silence thinking the words, may you be lifted to heaven kn the wings of angels. Sometimes for poetic variety I say eagles instead of angels. 

Some celebrities are jerks and they could be paid to do a script and get into character but you can see the involuntary muscles of their fsce, they're not acting. They were only acting when they were doing the good person roles. 

Bill Murray, Hugh Grant and Pierce Brosnan are jerks and when or if they die before I do, I hope that I have the Satanic presence of mind to not stand for a moment of silence. The tendency and compulsion is to do it. But not if you already decided that in this case it wouldn't be worth my f*cking while to do it. 

In the new TV series Mobland, Pierce Brosnan was just a despicable jerk and if a person were coming down off a line of cocaine while watching the first episode, that person might shudder in waves of revulsion and derision. What a jerk. 

When he dies, I won't care. 

I wouldn't be surprised if they go to hell when they die. The very absolute devil to them!

For what they did to others first. That's reasonable. An entire ocean of telepathy from people who reached the consensus that those actors are real actual jerks will be the astral strong current that will send them to hell. If I'm thinking something of someone chances are, a lot of other people think the same thing. Someone once told me that. 

Life unfailingly disappoints. It's the physics of this dimension VS the much better physics of the next dimension. If that's the case, why bother sticking around at all? That alone is an answer most people haven't come up with. Yet for that answer God hasn't given me an early reprieve. Instead, every day I have to endure more contemptible insufferable delinquents of this godforsaken morally dissipated unenviable neighbourhood on a sleepy backwater island. 

Life unfailingly disappoints. Heather is dead and that awful pernicious egregious pol@ck is alive. I wish it had been the other way around. Life isn't like Burger King. You can't have it your way. 

God has always been an @sshole to me and many others. Like Bill Maher said,  "Why should a guy in a wheelchair thank God who has taken away his legs in the first place?" 

I wish I was good at revenge. I don't know how to do revenge. Revenge for ten years of bird urine smells every morning. I have to burn incense to take away the smells. 

I tell the landlord. The landlord talks to the guy but he's such a slimy conniving Pol@ck liar that nothing winds up getting done. Wash rinse repeat. I'm the only guy in this hotel who has to deal with the bird urine smells. It's cruel and unusual. Typical sterilized Western sh*thole set up. Perhaps I could write a letter to City Hall or to the Police department about the pigeon feeding pol@ck. That's illegal and he could get fined. Or evicted. 

The guy looks like he's on death's doorstep. He looks like something from an Edgar Allen Poe novel. I can't wait until he dies of old age. Then I won't have to worry about every day pigeon urine smells any more. 

When he dies, I'll pray that he goes to hell. The years of upsetting bird urine smells and the effect it had on others including me will come up in his life review after his death. 

I have so much enmity and loathing that I imagine that if I were on some crazy drug like, uh, whatever, and I had a gun I'd kill him. Yeah and then get busted. No thanks. It's just a thought. These kinds of imaginations give ideas for novelists to write novels and screenplays. 

Albert Camus said that all of us has at one time or another wished another dead and had others wish death for us. I'm sure people have wished me dead. Since I am a proponent of the early reprieve, it's too bad that their wishes weren't followed through on. 

It's only after years of daily systemic and repeated thoughtlessness that I wish wish to be moved away from the person or the person moves away from me. If not I either wish that person dies in some way and then their soul vanquished in the fires of hell but not in any way that I'm connected with or else I wish that God would just roll up his sleeves and give me an early reprieve. 

In Asia, you can hire someone to perform black magic as a way to protect yourself. As a talisman or an apotheosis. James G Frazier talks about homeopathic magic. Sympathetic magic and contagious magic. 

To exact revenge using a weapon like a gun is tempting but illegal. 

However in Asia, streetside black magic practitioners are legal. If I were in Hong Kong, I would use the dah sui yun or hitting small person black magic rituals in order to defend myself from some horrible Polish people. Some horrible Pol@cks. I hope I reach a point where I never see them ever again in my lifetime. And I won't miss them once they're gone. 

Friday, April 18, 2025 

Senator Palpatine said to fully know the force, you must understand it in all its aspects. 

To be a Grey Jedi rather than a light side or dark side user. 

Sometimes evil is the answer. 

Life is good and evil and it is best to use evil as a possible utility. 

Not evil per se, its more shades of grey in terms of a spirit of stoicism, practicality, standards and expecting to be treated the same as you treat others. To use Ockhams razor to trim away the useless delinquent people in life. If you are thoughtful to others you expect thoughtfulness in return. If you dispense thoughtfulness and are returned with thoughtlessness at every turn, which is an affront or effrontery, one can invoke the forces of darkness and black magic to right a wrong. 

If you are good even the devil wants to defend you. If you are bad, even God has it in for you. 

I wish I were in Asia, I could hire a black magic practitioner. Especially a Khmer black magic practitioner. Their magic is very potent. 

I wish that those bad Polish people would get out of my life. That they would recede into the distance and that I would never see them ever again. 

If anyone who does black magic ever reads this, perhaps they can do a spell for me. Message in a bottle. As if that would ever happen. 

Be careful what you wish for. 

If I could 100% be where I want to be, no limits whatsoever, I sure the hell wouldn't be here. I'd be living at a five star hotel 365 days a year. Complete privacy and never ever hear the noises of neighbours not even a mouse fart. 

Hearing how good the physics are in the afterlife and being a geek, why wouldn't I want to experience those physics as soon as possible? The physics of this dimension are existentially counterproductive and counter efficient. 

I've come up with an excellent set of answers, More excellent than most people have. Yet God doesn't give me an early reprieve which I believe I am entitled to. The time travel is objective was a good enough answer but the instant download answer I feel should give me more grounds to get an early reprieve. The 'I could not stop for death so death kindly stopped for me' kind of early reprieve. 

I'd like to be with Heather in the afterlife. She would be a young Heather, she would be a babe. She wouldn't be the old Heather like before. And I'd be younger too, around 20 wearing a black navy pea jacket and without the Botox lines on my forehead. No lines at all. Smooth. 

Could you blame me for wanting to be there rather than here? 

Why is God not giving me the die suddenly in my sleep early reprieve that I believe that I am reasonably entitled to? I believe that I've satisfied the criteria. 

A heaven even more enticing that poppy opium laced Elysian fields, lords of discipline or picaresque dissolute denizens of rude unwanted gormless drug addled delinquents? What would you choose? Can you blame me for wanting an early reprieve? 

He gives thousands of people an early reprieve every day, statistically speaking. What's one more? 

Freud talked about the seduction principle. I'm in the wrong town. I don't have much in common with the local demographic and vice versa. It sucka to be stuck in a backwater town. I've come up with the answer that it's the physics of this dimension VS the physics of the next dimension. And that's somehow not good enough for God to give me a reprieve. 

I saw a group of local meth head girls sitting near the Court house when I was sweeping the grounds the other day. 'The Witches of Eastwick', I thought. The Witches of East Vic. They have a swirling nest of psychosis crazy meth head energy that forms an aura around them. 

Freuds seduction principle. 

Unless I find dissolution seductive, unless I find epidemiology and pathology to be particularly seductive, unless I find gormless to be seductive, unless I find not showering for days and overused verginas smelling of street curbs, meth sweats, PTSD, 7-11 pizza, gorgonzola cheese and days of not washing being massive cesspools of HPV if not HIV to be seductive. 

Unless I find being uh, attended to with mouth full of what passes for teeth after being ground and withered down to gnarled abrasive sharpened nubs now dark grey in color due to years of drug induced bruxism to be seductive. Not exactly a priority. 

That's with the usual standard issue meth head women in my class strata which is the welfare class. 

Unless I find disenfrachisement seductive. Unless I find flakey square conversations and one more otherwise preventable level of pressure or reason to attend some square thing regularly like Church to be seductive. Unless I find absolutely nothing energy or chi wise in common like dancing, skateboarding, parkour gymnastics to be seductive. Unless I find the gormless to be seductive. 

That's with the women of a higher class. The class strata I'm in is, ha ha, so low that even the crass delinquent middle class is a class higher. 

God hasn't given me an early reprieve. Why not? 

Under the physics of this dimension, I'm working with the impossible. Too difficult is one thing. Impossible is another. Anything that doesn't work out, quit. Including life itself. 

My grounds for the request to God for an early reprieve is reasonable. Anything that doesn't work out, quit it including life itself. I'd know it if it was working out and I'm just not feeling it. Whenever I leave a town, I'm always glad that I left and don't miss the old town at all. I'm always glad I left that old town. Some psychics said that with some people who committed suicide, in the afterlife, they are glad that they did it. They don't regret it at all. Their life sucked and they were able to make the suitable arrangements and they are recalcitrant to the point that they are glad that they are there and not here. They were deterministic masters of their own destiny rather than fatalists leaving it to the arbitrary whims of a God that too often disappoints. 

And they didn't even come up with the answers that I have. 

God is a sometimes cosmic sh*tstain for placing me in the setups that he has. My mother dead and then years later placed living next to a profoundly inconsiderate bonkers Pol@ck ex con that likes to feed pigeons. My landlord seems to not believe me or else he has been in the last few years absolutely useless when it comes to addressing my problem. I pay rent here. I have the right to not be subjected to possible avian flu causing agents. The pernicious much loathed dying on his feet cadaverous Pol@ck has on average about 45 pigeons in his room, urinating on the floor as he feeds them. That's the level of f*ck up. Pastor Joel Osteen says God will look out for you. Yeah, that's how f*cking God looks out for me, placing me next to someone who feeds pigeons all the time with the fetid pungent bird urine smells every morning. I hope that guy dies of cancer. He looks like he already has cancer. Like Dennis Miller said,  "Why nuclear war? That would be redundant. That place looks like it already just had a nuclear war."

Hoping that someone who already looks like he has cancer to die of cancer is redundant. 

I've decided that quitting life is the best thing I can do. If I had enough heroine and a syringe I would do it. Life, relationships, under the physics of this dimension just isn't working for me. One must act according to their temperament. I should end my time here on this Earth, why not cut out the middleman? 

I wish I had died years ago. That way I wouldn't have had to live next to someone who feeds mice and birds. The first week he moved in, there were about 40 mice in my room. They chewed up some of my artwork. He really is an inconsiderate good for nothing waste of time individual. 

God is a cosmic sh*t stain that always sets me up with awful living situations. I want to show God what I really think of him and of life through quitting life. That would circumvent possibly decades of poverty and disenfranchisement. If you don't believe I'm serious why don't you bring me some heroin and call my bluff? That's what I get for coming to the wrong town or even living in the wrong country. Perhaps even the wrong dimension. That I've come up with the answers that I have and God hasn't granted me my requested early reprieve is an @sshole move on the part of God. 

Why wouldn't my reasons be good enough? Others didn't come up with the answers and they got an early reprieve. It only looks bad from this end, a corpse, a skeleton. From the other end, no more worries about physical death, young forever, a more saturated form of consciousness compared to this diluted refracted form in this dimension. God should have ended my life years ago. I give up on all things in life. With all things, you only encounter dead ends like a hopeless maze. The only way out of a maze is out. The only way out of an unwanted life is death. I would rather that God grant me a wanted death rather than an unwanted life. 

"Sometimes dead is better." Pet Sematary

The future followed far enough leads to a path where I can only win as there are four possible outcomes. 

- He moves out. 

- I move out. 

- He dies before I move out. 

- I die before he moves out. 

In any of the above cases, I win. 

There's every chance I could die before I'm 60. If it prevents me from living next to that awful Pol@ck thsts an option I could accept. 

There is a 1% chance that I could find a girlfriend meaning one who I completely agree with and someone whom I can intellectually respect. Being inversely proportionally prorated to time elapsed, if it was 100% I'd find one today. Since it's 1% that means it could be years. A girlfriend whom I completely agree with and one who has gorm is something that is worth staying alive for. I still believe in the 1% chance because in the past, I've always somehow, that is somehow, found a girlfriend. 

I'm not holding my breath. So much so that I wonder which will happen first. Whether the semi emaciated cadaverous inconsiderate Pol@ck fossil will drop dead of old age or else some strange Polish related ailment, ailmentsky, first or whether I will find another girlfriend first. 

I called a few women beautiful but what was I supposed to say at the time? "You're ugly." or "You look all right, I guess." 

I can't make it without Heather. She died about a year ago. Death anniversaries are so difficult. I hope that I die of a heart attack on the anniversary of Heather's death. Now is a good time to go. I've come up with all the answers, the time travel is objective which is why everything is happening simultaneously and the master answer, the less than one second download of trillions of terabytes of quantum information currently being processed. 

George Lucas said that at any age, anyone thinks they have all the answers. That they could not learn anything else new. There could be more and more powerful answers in the future. 

Speak truth to power, but power has no use for truth. 

And truth has no use for power. 

When I sweep the Courthouse grounds a few young women walk past me but they seem to be meth heads. Meth heads have an unsettling swirling mass of psychotic energy about them. I've had chances I guess to know women who are meth heads and I went out of my way to avoid them. I don't suffer fools gladly. I see them whipping out the meth pipe and waves of panic and revulsion wash over me. 

Some people don't mind meth heads. I'd rather not. 

That's the forces of life when I'm generating the energy of discipline and diligence, I get the energy of delinquency and dissolution. The forces of life have often given me a raw deal. The most unenviable living situations with the most wretched and vile thoughtless miscreants. 

I wish Heather would appear as an angel of death and take me away. I love her more than I love life itself. Life itself is tedious and is actually existentially counterproductive and spiritually counterefficient. Most of the actually unnecessary bad things in life are otherwise preventable through not being born. 

Life itself has a corrupting influence on the spirit as one goes through it, life, encountering undesirable degenerate personalities. 

"To have never been born may be the greatest boon of all." Sophocles 

The Amateur isn't available on the free movie site yet. There were two free movie sites but movies5 online conked out on my VR browser but works fine on my smart TV browser. Movies5 routinely streams in 720l. The other movie site ww13 soap2day routinely streams in 1080p so soap2day is better and works on my VR headset. 

I'd see the movie in theatres but what if it's a whirling morass of motion sickness like The Monkey Man was. Uh, I don't really want to see it on a big screen then. 

It's a premium movie. It will take awhile to show up on movie sites. 

I am psychically powerful in black magic like the oracle of Nechung. Tibetan black magic. 

I imagined being on a bus and then I remembered the dream of my friend Mark Roy. I was sitting just in front of the exit on the left side of the bus. Mark was suddenly standing there. He was wearing a white hoodie with a jacket over it. I said to him,  "I have connections to the British Royal Family."  

Even when I am daydreaming, imagining being on board a bus, a ghost haunts that bus of my imagination. What if I'm suddenly remembering a dream I haven't remembered in literally years. 

I was imagining what would happen if I was on a bus and I saw the Polish pigeon feeder. What way would I walk to avoid him, then I remembered that dream about my dead friend Mark Roy. This means that I am not alone in this. Mark is looking out for me. 

Mark could not stop for death so death kindly stopped for him after he did a massive heroin and cocaine speedball and died which is the third best way possible to die the second best being that of a heroin overdose. And the first best is to die of natural death. Die of a mysterious painless stroke when sleeping. That would be scoring the cosmic lottery ticket. 

I sometimes envy Mark for being in the afterlife. I'm still stuck here in this dimension along with some of its shoddy physics for God knows how long. 

Everyone has pet peeves. Delinquency, thoughtlessness, inconsideration and lack of discipline are my pet peeves. Unfortunately my life is saturated with instances of such in a daily basis. 

I shouldn't be too surprised. This island just takes from the mainland and I shouldn't be surprised that most people who would boast of being natural born islanders are also some of the most thoughtless opportunistic takers that I have ever encountered in my lifetime. Inveterwte mooches. The feckless. The indolent. Ne'er do wells. The riff raff. On a daily basis I am wafted and assailed with a mild tide of picayune depravity. The levels of such encountered in this town is supposedly mild compared to Vancouver but even in the murky seamy downtown eastside of Vancouver I doubt I would ever have been living next to someone who thoughtlessly feeds pigeons all the time. There would be pigeon feathers in the hallway outside his room every morning. Meanwhile the moribund odious wretched Pol@ck keeps insisting that he doesn't feed pigeons and the landlord believes him. What a bonkers sh*tshow. 

I'm thinking that there's a more than one percent chance of him kicking the bucket in the next year due to his profoundly progeriac state. He's like 70 going on 90. If he goes, I'll feel some mild relief that I won't have to deal with rancid pigeon urine smells all the time which is currently a long term ongoing problem. The absolute devil to him! 

I've always thought that the guy is a Russian spy sent to monitor me. Like a good Russian spy, he would of course he would deny that he's a Russian spy. That makes it impossible to ascertain his level of Russkyness. He's like a sleazy scuzzy Russian nesting doll that just when you thought you knew him, a new level of ever thoughtless scumbagness rears it's ugly head. What were the chances of that? It's an actual real rolling down the window of the car door in an attempt to beat the heat Pol@ck that is the basis of my ongoing ordeal, not a pretend Pol@ck like George Peppard, as the Polish character Banacek. George Peppard was born in Detroit which definitely isn't in Poland. Detroit, Poland? 

God gives me many chances but Satan gives me lots of chances too. May you live long enough to see the bodies of your enemies floating in the river. 

There were times when I hated people and then later on I found out something bad happened to them or that they even died. I just shrugged and carried on. I certainly didn't shed even one tear upon news of their death. That is me using the chances that Satan has given me. 

My mind is painting a picture that in the future, he will be dead. The hotel will have some kind of memorial service. I'll find some excuse to not go. Perhaps life itself might supply me a handy excuse to not go. I'd have something a lot better to do. Even riding the old electric skateboard would be a lot better than that. 

On one end of the scale, I don't envy people when something good happens to them. On the other end, I don't shed a tear when I hear of their death and I've heard of the deaths of enough people who once got on my nerves. I don't miss them. Not having seen them for a long time is a victory. 

Satan once gave me a really good chance. Years ago, I saw a guy lying down on the ground. He looked like he was in profound medical distress. His face looked just like the face of someone I once met who I hate. This happened near some government building or other and there there was a security guard station and security guards were looking right out the glass walls of that station onto the scene. 

Since there were not one but a few security guards there and I didn't know CPR, I walked on. The security guards would have told me to move on anyways if I attempted to help but without proper CPR knowledge. I thought that I wouldn't feel bad if it was actually that person whom I hated and I walked past him leaving him to die because I didn't know CPR so couldn't help anyways. 

I wonder if that person whom I hate  is actually dead. It wouldn't surprise me if he was. He had certain issues. If he is dead, I wouldn't care because it wasn't me who caused his death so why should I care? All I'd have to say is good riddance and the devil to him. May the devil's pitchfork drive his scurvy soul to hell. He won't be missed. 

I have a feeling that quite a few people feel that way about him. I read things on the internet from others who said that he is a well known jerk. Or was, if he died. Which wouldn't surprise me. 

Not half a minute later, walking on, I turned around to see a few security guards doing CPR etc  I was glad that the person got help. 

When doing CPR, don't blow into the mouth. That only gives carbon dioxide and does nothing. They stopped teaching that. Just keep concentrating on pumping the heart. Debbie Hellion on a YouTube video taught that. 

"Aren't you glad that you have a tail to keep off the flies?" 

Benjamin the Donkey: "I would rather have no tail and no flies." 

George Orwell, 1984 

Once you understand this. You understand life in its entirety. 

The God of Israel is my shield. But from experience, sometimes that shield doesn't work so good. I wasn't shielded from the awful experiences of the last few years. If God was a real shield, He would have given me an early death. Death is a shield from life. 

The original St Andrews golf course was played in reverse with today's 18th hole as the first hole and todays first hole as the last. 

These days, clinical grief is an increasing problem. This day and age has multiple stressors like memories of the pandemic, whatever bonkers story is on the News which creates a nice bed of anxiety in which laid upon grief is increased grief over grief in calm times. Those who already have caregiver burnout and anxiety would feel more grief than someone in a calm situation. 

Clinical grief is fatal in about 1% of cases. It's probably more. 

I only grieved once out of hundreds of deaths of people whom I once knew that I heard about. That's probably a world record. I like that part about me. 

Most people I ever met I thought they were a problem. There are lots of people I really regret meeting. I haven't seen them in years. They are probably dead or will be in a few years. 

Even the favourite people of the Bible met other people whom they didn't like. Eventually all those problems they had passed. 

Wall Town Wonders is better than I thought. I got some of the Christmas updates. Only painting vehicles like blimps and balloons Christmas colors. 

I'm worried that Pol@ck will die in his room rather than at the hospital. That would be one final blast of thoughtlessness which wouldn't surprise me. The pigeon smells again tonight. Lighting incense again. 

This is just another specific example which illustrates the general case. 

My landlord could move me to a better room but it would most likely be a worse situation. I don't trust the sh*tbucket called the forces of life. I would never win with the physics of this dimension. Janis Joplin died of a heroin overdose. I wish I died of a heroin overdose. Then I wouldn't have had the bad last few years that I had. 

There was a Pol@ck standing in the street with a measuring tape and a ten foot pole standing on one end. He was standing on his tip toes trying to get the measuring tape to the top of the pole. A man walked past him and offered to help, laying the pole flat on the ground to measure it. The Pol@ck said angrily,  "You f*cking idiot! I'm not trying to measure how long it is, I'm trying to measure how tall it is!" 

Sunday, April 20, 2025 

I had a dream of the King of Thailand. He was in a kitchen opening a cupboard. I was standing to his left. He spoke with me for awhile. 

I knelt down and made a prayer sign with my hands, a gesture commonly made in that region. He had an attendant standing to the left of me in a corner of the kitchen. He told me that I didn't have to do that. 

As I was doing that and then standing up to leave the King turned and looked at me giving me a benign look, he understood what I was doing. 

I went into another room. One of the Royal employees was there. He was wearing a grey suit, white shirt and tie light yellow and black, diagonal stripes descending from left to right. The tie being stripes about two inches wide. I reflected, that's the first time a King ever spoke to me in a dream. 

The King was wearing a white military shirt and white pants. 

He appeared to be stocky, like Prince Andrew appeared to be and the Emperor of China is all red with a red hat with the airplane wings. He looked like a keg of dynamite. 

I saw Prince Andrew in real life. I saw the Emperor of China in a dream. In either case they were standing at a distance and I just now realized, to my right as well. Not centered or to my left. And Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip appeared to the left of the half door, not center or right. I could describe what they were wearing but won't. 

The spirits know what I'm talking about. For my eyes only. 

Last night I purchased the movie The Kingsman on YouTube for $6. 

I decided not to purchase the second Kingsman movie. Reviews said it wasn't nearly as good. Then I had that dream last night. 

More. More. The King appeared in what I recognized was the kitchen of a place I lived at. In another dream, the King of Thailand appeared in a living room of a place I lived at. There was a dream once of Einstein and he was in the living room of different place I once lived at. 

Not only are famous people ghosts. Rooms of places once lived in but the furniture always different, just the walls, floors and doors are the same, rooms are also ghosts. 

And if they were a room of a place you once lived in, we'll, the spirit world speaks in symbolic language that's even more symbolic than the semasiographic written language of the Chinese. There is verbal communication which is seen as the most direct form of communication. Then there is no verbal communication which seems less direct and then symbolic language which seems to be the most indirect form of communication, and this is subjectively. 

On an objective level, to the spirit world verbal language is most indirect. A person can be inaccurate in wording if not downright lying. To the spirit world, the symbolic language is the most direct form of communication. 

Anyways celebrities appearing in a room that I once lived in, that means they are really talking to you! And these are places I lived in when I was a child. Could it also mean that I had dreams of them respectively when I was living in these places respectively? A person can have dreams of Royalty when they are children. They don't remember or don't know or dismiss this as just a figment of the imagination or think they are just remembering someone they saw on television but often in school, others seem to know. For instance a child starts having royal dreams of British Royalty. Some new classmates appear who weren't there in first year. A group of student that seem rich, preppy, yuppie, West End the ultra-rich side of town, and connected to England or Germany. If Chinese some very rich Chinese as well. Some children are psychic and if you are what, constantly having dreams of Royalty during the public school years, they could know. Could meaning its not guaranteed but the potential is highly there. 

Easter trivia. 

Jesus final words. 

In the book of Matthew and Mark, the words are, My God, My God, why have You forsaken me? 

In the book of Luke, the words are, Father, into your hands I commit my spirit. 

In the book of John, the words are, It is finished.*

The first two show a crisis of faith. The last one shows relief, exhaustion and desultation. 

The middle one is my favorite. 

In the Philippines, a man named Ruben Enaje was crucified a record of 35 times.**

Like the words My God My God why have you forsaken me? appears twice in the Gospels, the letters En appear twice in his name. 'E' looks like a number 3, and 'n' turned to the side with an exaggerated extension between the first and second stroke looks like the number 5. His parents were prescient when they named him Ruben and God knew exactly what He was doing as usual when he was born into a family named Enaje. 

Jesus was half Jewish, on his mother's side anyways. 

*source: Easter (But Biblically Accurate).  uploader  Hochelaga, YouTube 

**ibid

The weather is not the best and it's around the anniversary of Beeb's death. I felt love with Beebs. I don't know that I'll ever feel love like that ever again. Memories with Beebs. 

I would quit life to be with Beebs now if I had the option. 

Anyways I was thinking of visiting another town on the island but those two conditions are enough to make me decide not to do it. Grief is painful. 

Tauriel:  "Why does it hurt so much?" 

Thranduil:  "Because it was real."

The Hobbit, Battle of the Five Armies 

Will my broken heart ever mend or will I have a broken heart for life? In grief. For life. 

I think I might be. In a small town, selection suffers. I don't think I'll find someone who is compatible with me. 

I suffer from a delusion that 100% of people suffer from. There are common personality types and rare personality types. That guy is a jerk but you envy him for his girlfriend. Look closer, that girl is also a jerk. Birds of a feather flock together. That's an example of a common personality type. 

However the delusion lies where I believe I am of a rare personality type. Someone of my age, skateboarding, can speak a few languages, does animated cartoons and to a certain level, I'm a writer although the world has stiffed me on my royalties. Publishing is a profoundly dishonest and theieving business. This is the set up. And God doesn't give me an early reprieve. But he gave an early reprieve to a lot of others and they weren't even being ripped off in publishing. Why didn't God give me an early reprieve? My grounds for an early reprieve is solid if for no other reason than that I've figured it out. The algorithm of time and on a more complete level. And that it's the physics of this dimension that we suffer. There is a dimension with a better set of physics and it is baffling that I am still here especially when I advanced an expressed desire to be circumvented from the physics of this download, I mean dimension and be fast tracked to a much better, much more efficient, much more savory set of physics. God won't do that for me. Not even for that answer. Did others who got an early reprieve come up with those answers? God clearly wants to bust my balls. God is always testing me. Rather than giving me my adequate and due compensation which is an early reprieve. Or at least get me out of the reality of living in one unenviable rooming house after another. At least I can live in a nice rich place that is private, whisper silent, I wouldn't have or would never hear any neighbours at all. Neighbours are the most insufferable elements of life and they never ever fail to disappoint. I try to be a stabilizing influence. In return they try to be destabilizing influences. That's the set up that I can typically expect from the sh*t can forces of life. Defective and dysfunctional and delinquent as ever. God damned life. Life isn't always a disappointment. Things are for the most part peaceful. But when life does get disappointing, is it ever a doozy. 

Not the tautological and teleological answer of 

Christians: We suffer because all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Romans 

Buddhism: The unenlightened and even the enlighten encounter suffering because it is dukkha, the law of suffering which is inescapable. 

Well like with all things writing has a certain high minimal standard that sets amateurism apart from professionalism. Let's face it. 

I got an app called Rising Spirits or something like that. It was on sale for $4. It was an experience. I got to see the countryside of a place in South America. I felt like I was actually there. The natural atmospheric of the different species of plants was there. 

It's an app that's opposite to Cirque du Soleil. With Cirque, one focuses on the people otherwise the point of the experience is lost. In this app, one focuses on the environment and the scenery. The people are there just as on site narrators to advance the premise. 

Some scenes of graveyards at night with lots of candles. Temporarily caught in the net of the physics of this dimension, the dead seem gone to us forever. They are still around sending signs and appearing in dreams. 

The a lot of arthouse simplified animations. Lots of it. Too much. Too much. Muy mas. Muy mas. 

I don't regret getting the app. It's not bad for $4. It was a quick trip to South America. 

Canadian Snowbirds if not sobereds are doing their what they call "Leaving the US for the last time tour". 

Are they sure they shouldn't be calling it their "Going back to our third rate backwater country for good tour"? 

The food is cheaper and better in the States. The US has so many Michelin star restaurants. 

The medical care is better in the States. 

Debbie Hellion said that a woman who was offered euthanization in Canada and despite Canadian medical advice against it, she went and got medical care in the States and got cured. Debbie also said if you don't believe her, research. 

The medical industry in Canada is full of opportunist immigrant people who don't speak English as their first language and you can tell with their thick thick accents. They are always always putting people's leg braces on backwards or upside down. Given the population, the States would have more native English speakers in their medical industry. 

Canada, whoop, in some towns the emergency ward is closed all weekend. Wouldn't happen in the States. 

Canada is a backwater just like the British Isles that runs it. What's there to see on the British isles that would top The United States or China? What. Tell me. 600 year old castles won't quite do it. What. The amusement park wheel in London? Really? Hegemony or what. 

Look at the architecture in Qatar. Way better and more futuristic and advanced than anything in Canada. 

In an ideal world, housing would be plentiful and cheap. One could easily move to other places. Instead housing is scarce and expensive. The damned physics of this dimension. That's the answer. I need an early reprieve. I can't work with this. I live forever. My consciousness lives forever. Just some weird crazy abstract surreal event and I'll be in the afterlife with a way better set of physics. I'll know it when I see it. My life is one long humiliating episode. God is being intensely unreasonable in not giving me an early reprieve since in other places in the world, he seems to dispense early reprieves like it's going out of style. 

As Thomas Paine said,  "Give me liberty or give me death." Give me a life that's really worth living otherwise I don't want to bother. Life strangely seems to insist on giving me neither. 

Things aren't working. 

"So am I a loser?" CBC show. 

"Ur an incel." YouTube comments 

That's what's called challenges. It's a challenge to disprove that you're possibly a loser or an incel. That's when you do stupid shot like hook up with someone and what if she doesn't turn out to be what you expected? Or far from it. All bitches have an agenda which could be completely different from yours and even in a way detrimental to you. 

With a lot of women, it's boring conversations. Even read the things they write, their writing, all of it boring boring boring. Then you try to avoid her but she's stalking you now. You now got a stalker on your hands. 

I was with a lady the other day and she brought up in vitro fertilization. That was offsetting and absolutely the last thing I wanted to hear. Women are always bringing up tawdry things. 

Women. They have the potential to be cooler than the single life. Getting a BJ. That's cool. Get married and she says, "Go to the store and get milk and diapers." Really really square tawdry and insufferable. Then hanging on words of boring boring conversations. Whatever you're doing or into, forget it. That bitch always wants to be, has to be the center of attention. 

Cognitive bias. A young women looks a lot hotter when you haven't really gotten a good look at her face. Take a good look, then it gets caricatured to the point where you're like James Joyce assigning a nickname every time you see a certain face. Sometimes intrusive unwanted thoughts nicknames that register the blush response like

- piggy

- sledgehammer face 

- ladder face 

- Hutchinson 

- Robert Plant's daughter 

- fish face 

- dog's smile 

- Choo Choo train 

- drake 

- Fong 

- tomato juice 

- Canada goose 

- And don't forget, pumpkin head 

And I'm never able to get rid of these thoughts. Every time I see her damned face, the same damned specific intrusive unwanted thought like a bad Wechsler's word association test. I try to think of something else. It doesn't always immediately work so there are those few awkward split seconds. 

The cheerleader effect. A woman looks better standing with a group of women than walking alone. 

My life seems to kinda suck. But there's no way for it to not suck, in the long run. Even a perfect marriage, if that exists, all relationships are dysfunctional as all individuals are dysfunctional including yours truly, one or the other dies and then long term grief is worse then long haul covid. 

In this dimension, I see a beautiful lady, I can't read her mind at all. Like a 2-D cardboard cut out. In the next dimension, I can feel that she's attracted to me. I just know it, like sensing a magnetizing wave. Then as in dreams she can all of a sudden be naked and I'm in bed with her. 

In this dimension, it's difficult for me to meet the right woman. Forget Miss Right, what about Miss Right Now? What. Would that include a drug saturated prostitute? 

The prostitute game is while you're trying to get her to do the most for the least, she's trying to do the least for the most. 

Not being able to read her mind forces one to develop a set of skills whether it's picking up on subtle cues in her body language, the involuntary muscles or developing the skill the talk to her to the point of using audio cues to entice excitement. 

Those skills take time and years to develop requiring of course a different set of thoughts than it would take to be an airplane mechanic or a Michelin star chef. In all cases, while doing that, the hours seem like minutes. That's specializing in a trade, a craft. 

The heights or the love that one tries to reach in Earthly relationships pale in comparison to feeling God's love. Feeling the love of angels which is even greater than the love of parents is something no Earthly relationship can bring. 

It makes me wonder what I'm even doing here. I have all these answers. I shouldn't be here. I don't like living and then casting pearls before swine. There are really unsavoury people in the world. I wish that God would vanquish me gently and then I could be in the afterlife. I give up on life. Life is too painfully tawdry. 

My answers are reasonable grounds to ask God for an early reprieve. 

Every day, I think of quitting life. I fear sickness and physical decline and most of all, cortisol. That's why I want a quick death. So quick that may I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead. 

dr pimpLe POpper breACKing out = LPOACK = Pol@ck. Embedded anagram. 

When you see or hear of something happening to someone, it's easy to imagine whatever they went through. 

Nothing in politics is as good or as bad as it appears. Life is like that. 

One paints a picture like I did with Obsessive Shadow VR imagining some gothic exhibition so graphically profound that it borders on baroque. Instead it winds up being some typically relatively gormless anomaly. 

The event usually involves two elements that Japanese film maker Takeshi Kitano used. 

- Ellipsis. Which is showing the beginning and then the end of an event leaving viewers to imagine what happened. For example, first shot, two people walk towards a store. Next shot, crime scene with Police tape around the store. 

"Police on the scene." Vanilla Ice 

- Kuleshov Effect. Two quick shots that quickly describe what's going on. For example a person pacing at a bus stop looking at a watch. The bus driver talking to someone for an extra long time and then gunning it through traffic trying to be on time. 

Thsts shows a person late for work while the bus driver is trying to get there. 

Anyways the News uses ellipsis and the Kuleshov Effect often. 

High advance voter turnout in Canada. It means that they want to boot someone out rather than to vote someone in. 

Monday, April 21, 2025 

These days elections are either about who has the prettiest wife or who is the prettiest wife. In this neighbourhood it's Laurel Collins. 

To be a psychic, one has to first not always play their tapes and music in their mind but to keep the mind still and to tune in to whatever insights. If they are new and you haven't thought of them before, and it sounds like advice, it is most likely from spirit. 

The the next step is to be able to cross a certain threshold of shock and pain. If you can recall your most embarrassing moments, like moments you were caught, uh, handling yourself, it's that level of thoughts they must get past without flinching. 

Then you are prepared to read the thoughts of others which can be a lot more shocking and scary than your own shocking thoughts and memories. 

In the novel The Dead Zone, Stephen King, Ben the main character took someone's scarf and then said that the person who owned the scarf died in a forest. He was taking a leak in quicksand and sunk. 

I wonder if Matt Fraser the psychic is real. He is always smiling and calm. Never does his face register extreme fear because there's no telling what scary things a spirit can conjure up and reveal. Perhaps it's years of practice. After awhile the learning curve has been mastered. And spirits in the afterlife have a calming presence. 

Last night before the King of Thailand dream, my spirit guide or angel held open a book, no cover, only two pages. The background or setting of the dream reminds me of the smoky, dim, cloudy, suitably medieval, sfumato background of the Mona Lisa painting. They were those black and white well done sketches of medieval kings. I google searched medieval kings and had no problem finding such pictures. 

Pastor Joel Osteen said,  "You have Royal blood flowing through your veins."  He says that often. 

Pope Francis dies at age 88. The Catholic Church is very spiritual. More spiritual than I am which goes without saying. They wouldn't ask God for an early reprieve like I have due to the sheer duress of the physics of this dimension. 

The Pope died at Easter, same as Jesus. Unlike Jesus, he won't be coming back in three days. 

The movie The Conclave worries me. Are they going to elect a transsexual Pope with Mueller's pre duct syndrome? 

However, that being said, don't hold your breath for a female Pope. She'd be a Mape rather than a Pope like the Shadout Mapes in Dune. Was that the authors subtle reference to a female Pope?  ie Bene Gesserit as in "The Bene Gesserit witch must leave!" 

Catholics venerate Mother Mary but have no female Priests only nuns and Mother Superior. 

Protestants don't venerate Mother Mary to that extent, with Hailey Marys, but have female Priests. No nuns or nunneries. "Get thee to a nunnery." Shakespeare 

Six of one is half a dozen of the other. 

Gadgeteer VR looks good but it's $25. Rube Goldberg VR was on sale for $2. Regularly priced at $18. Of course I got it. I but some good Rube Goldberg gew gaws but can't show them since mixed reality shows my room I guess I could take a picture. 

I'm waiting until I get a sale or at least 30% off which is a $7.50 savings. 

I saw on the News that a government infrastructure spending project was not going to be an easy buy. Why the words easy buy? It made me think of Gadgeteer VR. I have to wait five days. The budget is $5 a day. It's a $30 app. Wtf, $6 a day. 

End of Night is on sale for $1. Was priced at $8. In the video, the narrator said he had imaginary conversations with his dead brother who died during World War 2 that he can't repeat. I often have imaginary conversations with Heather. I tell her that I can't make it without her. 

"I can't make it without him." 

"That's bullsh*t!" 

Always, Stephen Spielberg 

Ras al Ghul, The League of Shadows. 

"Training means nothing. The will to act is everything."

Problem is will to act = potential assault charge. 

That's what makes people cowards. Do something, make a wrong move and one could get charged with assault if not something worse. 

If it was Lord of the Rings where you had carte blanche with the orcs, you could do whatever and not worry about getting busted. It's not the medieval days and even then there was some form or other of the Police. 

This would only be in the case where one had to defend themselves. 

"The force is to be used for knowledge and defense. Never for attack." Yoda 

The League of Shadows is only good for prison where one has to fight fight fight. 

Rube Goldberg VR. vortex. My machine. It works.

A better name would have been ghost protocol since the ball sides along a linear track and then teleport often just like a ghost. 

My RG machine. 'the beautiful'. This includes a pachinko machine.

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

A dour day. But not so dour that I didn't sweep the grounds of the Courthouse. The droppings from the trees, poplar trees, can and absolutely will accumulate to leviathan levels if not swept regularly. A street sweeping machine does where the road connects to the sidewalk. The rest, the sidewalk, the seams in the sidewalk are swept. The walls. About that, my ideal is to make it Vancouver museum clean. In my mind, the ideal is that because Vancouver generates such an intense heavenly vibe for me, I imagine that the exterior walls of the museum are swept very clean. Like really clean. As for the reality, I don't know how clean the exterior walls of the museums in Vancouver are or even if the weeds were removed. 

Clearing weeds can make a town look better and make an area high class like the West End. 

The physics of this dimension has really done me dirty. Me and millions of others. It's a raw deal. 

In the afterlife, I'd be living in a very rich place. In this dimension it's rooming house after rooming house. 

I am very talented yet living in a rooming house. A lot of people are vegetables but raised in a very rich house. 

A quick insight, God has blessed you with exemplary health. Would you rather be a vegetable even in a very rich house? 

I was sweeping the Courthouse Grounds and not speaking too loud, I said something like, 

"Was Rube Goldberg a real or a fictional person? Is Rube Goldberg a stage name like Houdini? Should I get the Rube Goldberg VR app today? Send me a sign."

I saw a couple of signs. Confirmation bias delusion is a wonderful thing. 

I saw someone on an eighteen speed. Eighteen speeds are like RG machines. The chain, the pedals, the shifter, the gears and the front wheel isn't even connected to any gears and chains depending on the action of the back wheel to make it move which is the most Rube Goldberg thing about it of all. 

Then I saw a couple of lawyers pull not only a briefcase but a cart full of briefcases! I'm thinking, these aren't your public sector lawyers. That looks like private sector. 

But the cart definitely reminds me of a Rube Goldberg machine. I've never seen that type of cart before. Was that gotten at a legal supplies store like there are medical supplies stores? 

$28. F*ck me, that's pricey. Perhaps not for a lawyer who's pulling down seven figures a year. In only get a few hundred a month. Make it last! 

Rube Goldberg was a cartoonist who did cartoons for the New York Times. His drawings were well crated and very artful and inventive. He has a granddaughter. 

Since I'm getting app on credit, what difference does it make whether I get it today or on Saturday since 6 days later on a $30 purchase amounts to $5 a day on a budget. My ideal is to go through the least amount of money to save the most. My plan is to stay for one night at a five star hotel in Vancouver. See what it's like. And of course have a meal at that hotel, like duh. That's going to cost. 

Therefore, I want to spread out my online purchases. Rather than to get something every day, or every two days, why not just once a week, and even then, how expensive is it? 

Wait for days and days for the 30% off which is $7.50 off. Is it worth it to wait days to save $7.50? And Gadgeteer has 61 puzzles and mixed reality. More like maxed reality!

I saw a car drive quickly into the driveway of a local five star hotel. That could be the answer. Why not try a five star hotel locally? I'd like to find a girlfriend, a real hot one. Otherwise if that doesn't happen, then I don't really want to live. To feel such a burning feeling for women and then to not find a girlfriend is worth than death itself. Especially when I've come up with the answers. That I am in an existential deficit because of the paucity of a better and much more reasonable set of physics. Walking around and not being able to teleport, seeing a beautiful woman and not being able to read her mind, or what if I do meet her but she doesn't turn out to be the ideal woman whom I thought she would be. And then worries about money. What a dimension. What a set of physics. 

To see women and get that burning feeling but not knowing how to meet them or even how to talk to them. There's no opening for conversation. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. What an insufferable situation. 

Rube Goldberg VR. Rated 3.5 from 68 ratings. 

Gadgeteer VR. Rated 4.6 from 561 ratings. 

Gadgeteer is better, price $28 with tax, $25 before tax. RG was on sale for $2. Best $2 I ever spent. Gadgeteer looks a lot better. More choices of things and these things work better. 

Rube Goldberg. Make the diorama invention. I make mine perpetual motion, in a loop rather than stopping at a certain point like traditional RG machines. Building toy rain railroads in VR has taught me that. Then place a ball to get it moving and there are several choices of these of differing weights and accompanying physics. Ping pong ball, metal ball, rubber ball, ultra heavy ball. Of course often during the trial and error process, the ball falls onto the floor before the diorama is just right. They're difficult to find again sometimes. Before you know it, about 20 are on the floor. When one goes into the level again and pushes reset, all 20 metal balls reappear at the start point of the diorama. Pushing another button will unleash what. All 20 of them? What a pain. One has to use just one ball each time. And you wonder why it costs $2 and got only 35 "ratings while Gadgeteer has 681 ratings. 

I'm still scared of the pricey price of this RG VR app called Gadgeteer. I need to see a sign that I can afford it. And today. That it won't completely f up my budget. Perhaps on the News. 

Go to see strippers. Because VR apps aren't expensive enough, I need to be into something more expensive. That kind of thing is a slippery slope rabbit hole. Go there once. Once is never enough, go again. Why not go regularly. Sex in the form of lapdances and seeing naked women can be extremely addictive. And expensive. 

Getting over fear which is part of the physics of this dimension is one thing a person must do to see strippers. 

There are guys who have gone to see strippers for years and are still single. 

Better to be single than with the  wrong woman and in a toxic relationship. 

There's no way to win in life. 

I fear the future a lot actually. I absolutely dread the future. wish I could skip it altogether but I am cursed with my own good health. I am cursed but not cursed enough. Why couldn't I have been cursed to the point where my mother aborted me. She didn't. But then she did as much as to die some time after I was born. Why didn't she take me along? My mother didn't abort me leaving me to wait until my natural death one day whenever that is which is a other kind of abortion. What a long time to wait between abortions. 

These hot feelings for women can be weaponizd against you if you were a spy and she was a counter intelligence operative known as a honey trap. 

I was sweeping the grounds of the Courthouse and I see a lot of beautiful women. Some of them turned around to give me another look! However, that is the Courthouse and those ladies are very likely to be involved with the judicial branch of government. A female lawyer, sheriff, probation officer, a pair of female undercover cops. 

She might or might not be but there is a high chance that she could be. 

Women are very beautiful and I don't get around very much. Life can be exquisitely existentially painful. 

Mark Carney may be new but let's face it, 87% is recycled Justin Trudeau MPs like Trudeau's Favourites Chrystia Freeland and Melanie Joly and this one and that one. Perhaps disaffected with higher costs of living, perhaps Canadians want a change which explains the high voter turnout. 

I got Oto's Planet for $7.99 plus tax. On sale from $12 plus tax. Oto. Otocracy. 

This is a story about two neighbours. This app reminds me of my neighbour the Pol@ck who if the entire story was told, he's actually more together than I am in a lot of ways. Most people in Poland are without a doubt more together than me. I'm talking about stratas in society that include doctors, Priests, politicians, the Courts, the Policj. 

"Hi, I'm Parker, CJ." Borat 

Of course most Polish people are more together than me. 

I didn't spend any other money today and $7 is what I would expect to pay for 7-11 fried chicken, 5 or 6 pieces. I really don't remember. It would be about $7. A drink at the bar with a paper umbrella and a slice of orange and a miniature plastic sword through a cherry costs more than $10 for sure. A beer pour it out of a tap. Those umbrella drinks involve shaved ice shaken through a stainless steel jigger. And then poured through a small metal sieve. 

There's a drink at a 5 star hotel called Night Train to Europe or something like that. Price, $500 per serving with taxes and gratuity. It also has biscuits and small gold leaf covered chocolate spheres. That's pricey. 

Anyone who is a Millionaire and has a girlfriend or a wife could take her there. But it's not a large serving of alcohol so you'd only feel somewhat buzzed for about an hour if that. Unless there's something in the alcohol that I don't know about. Hallucinogenic properties? I doubt it. 

I'll give Oto's Planet a watch and tell you what I think. 

Definitely a twist ending like the reviews said. And also a story that never ends like The Song That Never Ends. This is a great toy for my a VR toy collection. 

Not much replay value. Will replay it one day. 

Wall Town Wonders is amazing. I have my own Miniature World in my room right here in Victoria BC. 

I really miss Heather. Today is the anniversary of her death. I can't make it without her. I'd rather be in the afterlife and it's wonderful set of physics with Heather than to be here, seeing beautiful women and not scoring. Most beautiful women are already involved. Any expat will tell you that whatever woman you meet, she'd likely tell you that she is involved with someone from the Police Department or someone of rank from the Army. And what if I don't score again? Can you blame me for wanting to be with Heather? 

Even if it means going to the afterlife?! I can work with that. 

When God took Heather, why couldn't he have taken me as well? Then me and Heather would be a matched set. I love her as much as if not more than life itself. 

Pastor Joel Osteen said that God will provide a solution before you even get the problem. Learning about ellipsis is the solution to any problem in the future where one could jump to conclusions. Or have their imagination make up the rest of the story and without realizing it because one is so self identified with it. 

Want to travel to futuristic China but get busted and not able to leave the country for for a few years. But then a few years later, the West somehow strangely gets just as much as if not way more futuristic than China. If had gone to China, would be stuck there due to some bureaucratic entanglement or other. 

The chance of the West getting as futuristic as China in the next ten years is 17%. The chance of getting even more futuristic than China is 6%. Either is vastly better than zero percent. 

There's sure no games of chance in Vegas that would give you a 6% odds of winning. It's usually less than 1%. Way less. 

O Heather, I can't make it without you. 

Under the strange time dynamic of the afterlife, is one multilocating, or not? 

Time travel is time experienced on an objective level therefore everything is happening at the same time. And the afterlife too is a way less than one second download j an above paradigm, and that above paradigm is a way less than one second download too in an above paradigm as well and so on and so on. 

Just offhand, how many bits and bytes in data would you say an average sized Universe would be? It would be a few trillion deca quadrillions of terabytes of data - per Planck second, and that's probably an understatement. I'm talking about the Hercules Wall which is a galactic supercluster wall that is 10 billion LY wide! 

The amount of data or pixels whether per Planck second or for the entire history of the Universe should each be the same. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. Each Planck second, the same amount of pixels or else bits and bytes of quantum data shift, either slowly or all at once, that's if the math works out. It should work out. It's a tricky algorithm, like the Lorenz transformation. 

The download that is the Universe takes one Planck second. 

However parsing the data requires the same amount of Planck second blinks, one Planck second blink on and one Planck second blink off is one set referred to as a blink which would imply the one Planck second of off blink. 

The number of Planck second blinks times the number of Planck lengths there are in the Universe equals ten billion years and hey, coincidentally, the expected age of the Universe is also ten billion years. Fabric of time and space. It's called mathematics. 

Probably not. The Universe is 93 billion LY wide, but the expected age of a Universe is about 12 billion years. 12 x 8 = 96. 

Using this formula, a human's life expectancy is about 75, but it would take 450 years traveling at the speed of light to cross from one side of a human to the other. 

Not even with the human with the widest girth in history would it take 450 years and traveling at the speed of light to walk from a person's right side to their left side. 

This is not correct. Planck seconds to Planck lengths, one Planck second per Planck cubic length and the life of the Universe is over isn't dependent on width in light years, that wouldn't even be a variable. It would be an irrelevant variable. 

Say, as one could do in the afterlife, visit different places on Earth, say, what, on December 15th at 7 pm. Visit for about ten seconds at each place to see cherry picked money shot moments. 

Visit Vancouver, then visit Victoria, then visit Toronto, then visit Disneyland. Even though to that spirit in the afterlife, that spirit is visiting those places in that order, each time rewinding to about ten or twenty seconds back, you can do sh*t like that in the afterlife, at that point, is the spirit making copies of themself or themselves and multilocating or is that spirit not? 

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Wording. Semantics. Splitting hairs. 

Give your head a shake, I say to myself. If a person was watching five different replays of live cams at different locations, one after the other, each live cam set to start at the same time and date, is that person multilocating? Uh, probably not. Or depends on how drunk that person is. 

Wow. I got Biolum and Cosmogonic for $1 each. What a treat. Jailbirds was free. From Astrea. Developer behind Ayahuasca, Madrid Noir, Lavryntbos, Grsvity and Endless Night which I have all, gotten on sale.

These promises to be pivotal narrative experiences and what. For a dollar each? 

I'll get Gadgeteer afterwards. Tomorrow or later. I'll play VR golf tonight. Why did I get all the Aliens movies? Seeing Aliens killing and eating people really isn't my thing. 

I already went through $10 today. $8 for Oto's Planet and $1 each for Biolum and Cosmogonic. Each are about 20 minute experiences each. 

$28 for Gadgeteer is an artery clogging price. Pricey or what? 

I forgot to get cooking oil and milk for tea and coffee. I'll get that tomorrow. 

Cooking with beer is a wonderful idea. Instead of using water to steam dumplings, use beer. Fry dumplings in oil with lid on. When it starts to really sizzle, pour in some beer and put the lid on again quickly. 

L'app VR Jailbirds c'est en Francais seulement. Alors, je ne comprends pas cette lingue par tout. Je besoin etudier plus Francais. Quand? Je ne sais pas. 

Uninstallee. 

The VR app Jailbirds is in French only. Alas, I don't understand that language at all. I need to learn more French. When? I don't know. Uninstalled. 

How was my French? Subtle grammatical and spelling errors that only a Native speaker of French would detect. Otherwise, I could more or less make myself understood. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2025

In 1666, interestingly the year of the Great Fire of London, the first science fiction book was published. Margaret Cavendish published Visions of a New World where sailors sailed to a new land where there were Lice-men, bird-men, ant-men and Spider-man. 

The Lice-men and the Spider-man were the mathematicians. 

Birdman, "Oh! Birdman 4! You do Birdman 4!", Spider-man and Ant-man are the names of movies. 

I wonder if Stan Lee ever talked about Margaret Cavendish. 

Biolum is like a SCUBA guided undersea colonoscopy, exploring a cave with luminescent 

plants and animals. There is a science fiction twist as the plants move and reaction to the motions of sea animals and scuba diving humans. Worth a $1? It gets repetitive. Claustrophobic undersea cave, glowing plants and animals. That's it. 

This morning I played Angry Birds in mixed reality. I never thought I'd ever do that. It never even occurred to me that I might. Life is full of surprises. 

Last nights dream. 

I was with some people about to attend a an official business. Then I went somewhere else. It was a ballroom with stairs. I told the lady host there that I had to be somewhere else. She insisted that I stay. 

Then I was seated at a table in a study hall like Hogwarts dining room. There were three people in front of me. From left to right was a young French guy with dark hair in a blue suit. In the middle was a young slightly chubby French lady with dark curly hair and round glasses made with a black plastic frame and to my right was a French man who looks almost exactly like the pirate in Pinball FX2 VR Sky Pirates pinball table. 

The large windows of the hall were behind these students as well as another row of benches full of students. 

I was to teach them French. I said to them something in French. "Je ne comprends trop Francais. Je comprends un peu. Je parle lentement." 

Meaning, I don't understand a lot of French. Je understand a little. I'll speak slowly."

The Justin Trudeau was there! 

"The Prime Minister!", I thought. 

He was standing and I was seated. He stood to my right. I looked up and he was looking right at me and smiling slightly. He was wearing a blue suit with a white bow tie with black circles about one inch wide. There was a smaller red circle within each of the black circles. The circles were spaced about two inches apart on his bow tie. 

The News was on last night as I was writing the review for the French language only app, 

As I was writing the review, Justin Trudeau was on the CBC News saying something. He rarely appears on television these days. Most interesting timing. 

Gadgeteer doesn't have as many building pieces as I thought. It's almost impossible to build a perpetual motion machine. 

It's quite a learning curve. Slight anxiety. 

The freeze function freezes tracks, ramps etc onto walls or even in mid air. This is useful. 

The learning curve gives me intellectual exhaustion. 

There is physical exhaustion and mental exhaustion. Caregiver burnout involves both. 

Gadgeteer only gives mental exhaustion but it depends on you. How long a person is on is directly proportional to the amount of mental exhaustion involved. 

Thursday, April 24, 2025

Trainer VR has a desert world inside of a corrall. The world I'm building is so large it would be difficult to take a picture. It's pretty good. It's only my practice rehearsal world. The next few will get better and better. 

The surprise reminds me of the surprise in a aimation app. A world opens up. 

I was going to go to Sidney yesterday. 

I get calls on meta quest. Today I got two calls. Someone started sending me a few texts all at once. I'm not going to try to guess. If that whoever could call me, the ability to just call and text people. "Hello my name is beborah by the way." "What's your answer."  "?" 

Pushy. People work in patterns. Beborah was a typo. 

It's probably a scammer. Phishing scam. Slight cyber bullying. Others have reported creeps from going on meta worlds. That's at worst. 

At best its a manager of a meet up world looking for new members to join their group. 

Happens regularly and all the time. 

I got another call today from someone wanting me to join a group chat. Uh, no thanks. Not interested. 

Notication muting is only good for 24 "hours at a time. One must go on and reset it at least once a day. 'Do Not Disturb' only lasts 24 hours at a time. 

I think Beborah is the Chinese landlord I was telling you about. 

Some people have that kind of delinquency where they will suddenly contact people whom they haven't seen in years and years. A Buddhist Priest told me that people who do that are restless souls who can't stand their own energy so look to others to diffuse it. 

It's not rocket science. 

A person tries meta quest for the first time. 

This is a person, yours truly, who doesn't use Twitter, has no regular contacts, and for all intents and purposes, doesn't have a cell phone. 

A new user goes on meta quest worlds, not knowing any better or else installs an app like Trivia World, Ninja shooter or whatever it's called, where your user name shows up on with everybody else who is there as a pop up like havng a name tag sticker stuck to your sweater. 

People, usually the manager, The Manager reminds me of the Joseph Conrad novel The Heart of Darkness, more usually referred to as the webmaster, or techie administrator, of the app will take note and follow certain people and write them a message in an attempt to get them to use the app again. The more people who use the app, the more money they make. Often these apps involve ongoing DLCs or IAPs in app purchases. 

As for 'Deb' 36059 or whatever the number was, that was definitely a scammer or someone unsavoury. They send you a text. Once you reply even once even thinking that was it, that they wouldn't reply again too much, you send what's called a beacon. They then send a bunch of more messages, that's called spear phishing. 

Some kind of phishing scam. Long term, befriend you, then some request for money. 

Or worse. Even some of the comments of some VR apps specifically warn that the app is full of child based criminals who will spear fish you because they think that you might be a child. Disturbing. 

"Do not answer. Turn off the machine completely." William Burroughs 

Anything that happens to you on the computer has the tendency to get you to think subjectively like you're the only person ever in the history of computers to have this happen to you. When the actuality is that is an objective phenomenon, it's a system wide thing, what goes around comes around but also what comes around is also something that goes around. 

When the machine fully gives users the ability to randomly text another user, the tendency is that some people would opt to use that. People or else AI bot what, in this day and age, again in an attempt to get you to play their weird group based social app. 

These tactics sometimes work but they contact enough people and eventually the Police get contacted. 

As well similar to Pierogi and Kitboga, there is a TSA on VR; there is a tech scammers army on virtual reality. 

Do not disturb on the meta quest VR goggles, for some disturbing reason, can only be set to 24 hours at a time like an old time wind up pocket watch. Holy f*ck, it's like the 1800s called and they want their pocket watch winding requirement paradigm back. 

Whenever you see a listing for meta quest VR on Amazon, it never warns you that if you don't know what you're doing, you could have all kinds of most likely dodgy people contacting you. Typically scammers from India or some other kinda slummy and not all that technologically advanced country compared to China. Even Japan which it has been said, Japan was living in the year 2000 in 1980 and is still living in the year 2000 in 2025. 

Same could be said of Hong Kong. 

Empirically, objectively, China is the most technologically advanced state of the art futuristic cities. 

Some countries are always one year behind another when it comes to fashion. While some countries are always three decades ahead when it comes to architecture like China, if not always at least for the last 20 - 30 years. 

These scammers all sound the same. They sound like my Chinese landlord when he was trying to scam me again. That guy is just terrible. He was a human smuggler and identity thief. He would ask his tenant, can I borrow your bus pass, can I borrow your rec pass? And then the welfare scam keep the rent while sending the tenant overseas while holding on to the tenants bank card and pin number. People work in patterns. He seemed well practiced at such a scam. 

If you met that old Chinese landlord and gotten any emails from him, you would also think that all scammers sound kind of like him. 

"If you don't say what you mean, you will never mean what you say." The Last Emperor

Life can be completely counterproductive and if I had died years ago I wouldn't still be here in this dimension and having all this catalyze with my thoughts which is a complete waste of time. 

As it is, while that person is one of a thousand people that I have known throughout my life, I am also one of a thousand people that he knows in his life. He only has so much time to spend on anyone. He has a wife, one or more children plus himself and his own priorities to attend to. In his case, that's quite the deplorable juggling act. 

To get to you, a person must first climb over the wall that is themselves but on some days, that wall isn't as easy to climb as it is on other days. 

You would swear too that it is the Chinese landlord if you had met him too, they all have that same venal airhead, English as a secondary language at best, dodgy scammy venal avaricious tone in their writing. 

"Those aren't faults. They're personality traits."  Charlie Brown

Perhaps these scammers have a group spirit, it's eerie they all sound so much the same.

There are no such thing as people, there are only types. Some type of people is the dodgy scammer from India of which their country isn't as nearly as technologically advanced as China. Even East Indian security guards think that. It's an empirical fact. 

Lots of scammers come from slummy countries and they are just as moth eaten and flyblown and mismanaged as the countries they operate from. 

Gremlins had warnings. Meta Quest VR has warnings. 

Don't go on meta worlds or else the less you go on, the better. 

Try not to go on apps that automatically display your name to others. There are a lot of sh*t apps like that. 

If you ever go on, you run the odds of others seeing you and possibly thinking that you are a child. 

Too bad the People bloatware app can't be uninstalled completely in meta quest. 

The only thing is to neither a borrower nor a lender be, Shakespeare, I mean neither a follower nor a followed be. 

Otherwise, be sure to renew the Do Not Disturb setting at least once every 24 hours. 

Now this is the same guy, me, who eschews a phone, doesn't use twitter and talks to no one else on the internet. While others are only too happy to take a chance, join a group, meet new people etc. 

Meet new people who live in other towns in countries let alone towns that you would wind up never visiting. So many people, so many countries, too many towns. 

Lots of people catfish on the internet. Pretty lady profile picture. It's actually a homely lady or worse, some guy. 

And you wonder why I think of giving up on life. The physics of this dimension and the unenviable social phenomenon it produces. It's baffling that God wouldn't give me an early reprieve which is reasonable for answers like this. Others certainly haven't come up with answers nearly as articulate yet they got an early reprieve and it was an early reprieve that they wanted. 

Not all towns or even countries are the same. I think I'm in the wrong town. It's called signs. If you feel that you are thriving and flourishing, it's the right town. If you feel disenfranchised and frustrated all the time, you're in the wrongg town and you owe it to yourself to move to a town where you see all the right signs in your favor. 

Have no loyalty to any country other than one that gives you the absolutely best deal. 

Buddha once gave this advice. 

If someone gives you a mean look but only that or if they didn't show up for some appointment that you wanted them to, at least you weren't verbally abused,

If you were verbally abused, at least you weren't beaten, 

If you were beaten, at least you wasn't killed,

If you were killed you'd be in the cat bird's seat. You would experience the much greater and exponentially esquiaite physics of the afterlife dimension. You would receive total consciousness. Cosmic universal Knowledge and Wisdom. 

See, the rich can't leave because they would lose too much property and create a power vacuum. 

The poor don't have any of that and can leave at any time. The poor, once they go to another country, what a difference it makes. Where they were before, they were chronically unemployed, single. They go overseas and within a year they have a job as a respected English teacher, they have a beautiful girlfriend or wife. 

That would create a brain drain. That would create an exodus of the poor which the rich otherwise need as foils to maintain a class divide. 

Not all countries are the same. In one country, they have more species of a certain type of animal than in all other countries put together. In other countries they have more varieties of a certain typee of plant than all other countries put together. 

There is Nationalism but as well there is the thuggish tow the local backwater line mentality. 

When the poor go to another country and become an expat English teacher, they get a promotion in life and they have demonstrated an experience and intelligence and initiative  that even some of the rich back home don't have. When the rich go overseas they generally don't get an advancement,. It's not as if like if they were a politician at home that they'd all of a sudden be a high ranking politician overseas like a poor unemployed person from the West is all of a sudden an English teacher. 

So the poor leaving to another country where things can be much better for them seems to be some kind of a threat to the rich. That's why there are these bullsh*t visa laws, you can only stay in another country for so long. Before 1917 which was when the visa laws kicked in, anyone could stay in any country for as long as they wanted. 

The News has weird stories with words like,  "expats should repatriate" or "Something like this that would bring the expats back home from overseas." 

It's OK for others to come to Canada from other countries and stay here for life. But somehow it's not OK for Canadians to turn their back on Canada and to move to another country where things are are going profoundly well for them. 

Picture the person on welfare in Canada, unlucky for years. Then that person is overseas. Employed as an English teacher. Very lucky with women. Visiting shopping malls that are way more futuristic than any shopping malls in the West. Why the hell. Would the hell would they ever want to return to the West. 

My message to expats who have been able to get out of the West:  I'm rooting for you. I'm very happy for you. I wish I was among you. 

Canada can't give you advancement because it can't give itself advancement. Futuristic cities need a minimum population base and workforce which Canada simply does not have. What can you say? It's a backwater. 

China, housing surplus, housing plentiful and cheap, lower food costs, lower rent, higher standard of living, clean streets. 

Canada, housing shortage and crisis, overpriced housing, food prices expensive, shopping malls not quite as futuristic as the shopping malls in Asia, lower standard of living, lower take home pay with less disposable income and purchasing power than Asia. 

Mel Robbins had a really good podcast about life expectations, the personal checklist. 

Do this before or at a certain age or else you have failed. 

Such expectations were made generations ago when the average life expectancy was about the mid fifties. Today, it's the mid 70s. 

Life for twenty something is a lot different than it was 5 years ago let alone from the parents generation.

In the 50s, the sticker price of a home was about $7,800 which given for inflation, prorated to today is about $85,000. BS! Today's average house price is 11x that amount, Mel Robbins herself said. In the 50s the average age for the first time to own a house was around 30. Today, it's about the mid 50s. What a bring down. Standards of living have deteriorated due to mismanagement. 

Well, in the 50s China was a deplorable backwater and the West was rocking. 

Now the West is bogged down with some housing crisis and in drab housing while China has a housing surplus to the point of entire phantom start up cities and with intensely rocking futuristic architecture. 

The West has unlimited opportunity. Wherever in the world an ultra futuristic city is, I'd still stay here. 

Dance with the one who brung you, is an old saying. 

"The pizza was better in New York." "The pizza we have in this town is the pizza we have in this town."  Two Weeks Notice 

Where ever I am, this is the town for me. Victoria BC has Miniature World, the Leg Buildings, the Empress Hotel the Royal Museum etc. If not I'll have to move to another town. 

Saturday, April 26,2025

Police station. My train diorama.

As you can see, this app has a sandbox mode. 

Trainer VR. This diorama, just getting started.

Monday is the election. Make your selection. 

Mark Carney is a PM whom I intellectually respect. Trudeau was the greatest PM ever. Voting for Mark Carney local representative would be an indirect vote. 

Laurel Collins is the local MP aka feudal Lord and if the NDP wasn't in government in BC it would be one thing, but they are. David Eny is a good Premier. Laurel Collins is the most photogenic of all the local candidates plus she has rank and pull. 

To quote the Simpsons, she's a big wheel at the cheese factory. Voting for Laurel Collins would be a direct vote. 

The name makes me think of a Tom Collins which is a drink at the bar made from gin, lemon juice, sugar and carbonated water. 

Direct vote - vote for the candidate. 

Indirect vote - vote for the Leader the candidate represents to garner the popular vote which ironically means nothing in a democracy anyways. 

The NDP is communist to the bone. One of their provisos is that if a person dies without a will or any heirs, the NDP government commanders that intestate persons estate. Even with that, it didn't help the country kind of letting itself go in the last 20 years while China's cities have become enviable futuristic rock shows. 

If you don't own any property to speak of, this doesn't apply to you. 

The US quietly milks and steals people's online intellectual property. It's another nail in the coffin as it makes me think of an early reprieve. 

Sure, people are on average living better than even the most rich a hundred years ago, but they are also getting ripped off in a way people didn't a couple of generations ago. 

I'm sure that me getting ripped off online on an industrial level is also God's plan just like my mother dying when I was really young was also His plan. God is impossible. 

I have come up with reasonable airtight answers as to why I should get an early reprieve. He doesn't give me an early reprieve but he carelessly and insouciantly gives others an early reprieve and these others are those who didn't come up with the answers that I have. I figured it out. Heart attack, stroke, spontaneous human combustion, I dread the death process, the physical deterioration of health, the organs shutting down for good. I am waiting for the moment that my feet are firmly planted on the other side that is the afterlife. That is when it will all be over and when my truest and best living existence can really begin. 

The physics of this dimension is full of unnecessary BS and is counterproductive to the spirit. 

Women register as impossible under the physics of this dimension. 

In the physics of the dreamworld, and the afterlife, women are very possible and very easy to meet and contact. 

I can't wait to get to the afterlife and it's much better and refined set of physics. That I'm still stuck here in this dimension with this atrocious set of physics even after coming up with my answers while a lot of my friends already got a reprieve is insufferable. 

Towns are like VR apps, either I'm feeling it or I'm not. I'm sure not feeling it in this town. The right town or the wrong town even country which is why expats exist makes all the difference in the World. It's not because of who you are that you suffer. It's because of where you are. 

After doing some weed removal at the Courthouse this morning, I went to Sidney BC. I went to the Aviation museum and saw two push propeller planes and also a few World War 1 planes. 

I saw the Hawaii Mars water bomber. That thing is larger than I thought it would be. 

I saw the old Viscount with the round windows. Classic. 

The World War 1 planes were about the length of an average car, some a little longer. 

Sidney hit me hard in a good way. I definitely definitely got a shot of the Sidney vibe. It stays with me even when I get home. It's eerie how beautiful the energy is. It feels better than Buddhist enlightenment. I wept a little from the sheer beauty of the energy. This is the power of vacations. 

The last time I went to Sidney, I had the weight of the World on my shoulders. Heather was dying and then did die. A certain legal problem led me to believe that I would've been sent away and then airholed 3 times a week, in case I survived all subsequent airholings. 

In actuality in Canada, airholings are rare but do happen. The case would have to be profoundly severe. One has more of a chance at winning $20,000 or less on a scratch ticket. That's how rare it is. 

Today I was free from all that worry. Not a trace of it. Just good times. I enjoyed myself today. At the aviation museum I got a toy World War one plane model. It actually has a hybrid World War One, World War Two look. It's a good one. The letter and number 'B-7 was painted on it.

Today was, in the past, part of the future I once feared. Sidney has a good vibe. Going to Sidney is traveling towards Vancouver. Sidney is about a seventh to a fifth of the distance to Vancouver. 

I was so preoccupied in Sidney that I didn't eat or drink anything. I bought some things at the Bakery, then I got something at Fairway Market. Something from Hon's wonton house in Vancouver. How special is that? 

I wouldn't mind moving to Sidney one day. If I could afford it, I would. The physics of this dimension. Always worrying about money. It is what it is. 

Why do I feel so good after a vacation to Sidney BC? 

I am under the impression that my financial situation is, let's put it this way: what financial situation? 

I might have more money than I think. I don't check because I'm scared to. The thing is, I might have had enough money to eat at a restaurant in Sidney BC including taxes and tips. 

I got

- 1 cinnamon brioche

- 2 regular brownies 

- 1 peanut butter brownie 

- rice wrapped in banana leaves from Hon's in Vancouver 

- gyoza which must be cooked with beer. Eat vegetables because eating only meat and drinking alcohol will lead to gout which is painful enlarged muscles of the feet and ankles. Pain, about a whopping 7 out of 10 reportedly. 

No cure in the middle ages. Even now, it's iffy. I recommend topical anaesthetics like cocaine hydrochloride injected intramuscularly at the site of pain. Two feet means two interesting injections. Or else novocaine, xylocaine, etc 

Caveat: I am not a doctor! Don't under any circumstances follow this medical advice. See a real doctor instead. 

I heard of a story, which probably happened. Someone went on a ship and always cooked ramen with electric kettle cooked hot water. One day, the chaplain of the ship visited and noticed this. "Why eat this when you can eat at the ship buffet? With lobster claws. The cruise includes on evening dinner on board dining credit."

This could have been me in Sidney. "You didn't eat at a restauran? You would have been able to afford it."

There is a movie called The Girl Who Wasn't Dead. A young woman believed murdered 3 years later walks into a court room for her own murder trial and stuns all those present. 

That never happened to me. Everyone whom I was told had died had in fact actually died. If they hadn't, would I be relieved that they didn't die or would I be angry that I was deceived and made to go through clinical grief for no reason. 

Did this ever happen to anyone in the history of the world? It probably has! 

"Holy smokes! I was this close to dying of a heart attack from clinical grief and it turns out that you're alive!" 

Restaurants are pricey. A soft drink is about $4 plus tax and an alcoholic drink is $10 at a restaurant. I didn't think that I was able to afford such extravagance. 

The good vibes are free. And they are exquisite. Words can't describe. This surpasses all understanding. 

UBC has really good strong heavenly vibes. I mean through the roof heavenly vibes. 

Sunday, April 27, 2025

Vancouver. The vast majority of people. Nothing happens to. 

But when it does happen, is it ever a doozy. 

A few days ago a woman got attacked by a crazy Black man. A dinge. * 

*Racist words are only applied to bad people, not good people of a certain nationality. One wouldn't call a politician a racist word or else try it and see what happens. Fuck around and find out. Jack Johnson the famous boxer was referred to as 'the dinge' in the newspapers. It could be a corruption of the Islamic word djinn which means ghosts. 

The a few hours ago, someone drives a car into a crowd of people from the Philippines celebrating Lapu Lapu causing mayhem** and killing 9 pinoys.

That's part of a roll call of disturbing incidents that is now classified as domestic terrorism. 

**2009, during a David Letterman talk show appearance, Alex 'Rust' Baldwin said that the Philippines was good for mail order brides. This enraged pinoys so much so that he got death threats like Glenn Close did for the movie Fatal Attraction. Like Glenn Close, nothing ever came of the death threats. Angry Philippinos wrote to Alec Baldwin, "Well show him what mayhem is." 

Anyways, a car plows into people in Charlotte, United States killing a couple of people, Tesla SUV in Toronto runs into people, in Europe, a few incidents. There was a man who was stabbing people in London or was it throwing acid. Anyways, that person was found mysteriously floating in the Thames River. 

People in YouTube comments have written words like visible minorities and race war. All that is very original, of course. Like I haven't heard talk like that in the 80s. The LA riots of 1989. That was supposed to be a sign of the then coming race war. 

Well it's either be a visible minority or go back to a country where you're one of the racial majority where issues like classis and regionalism are intensified and in some cases it would be back to speaking a language with a writing system that either only 1% of the people in the world in total speak and want to learn to speak, either that or else it's a language that only 1% of people outside of their ethnic nationality that speak and want to learn to speak. 

As for race war, YouTube videos have allowed people to visit different lands and to see the stunning architecture. I visited all kinds of places in VR. This has brought people of different races closer together than ever in history. 

Even the most bigoted absolutely racist misanthrope of today knows more about different cultures gleaning information from here and there than even the most liberally educated university professor a hundred years ago. Compared to the university professor of 100 years ago, the bigoted racist would be like freaking Indiana Jones or Lara Croft in terms of their knowledge about different places and cultures. 

The News aka if it bleeds it leads, said that the Black Eye Peas were there. That group has a Pinoy band member. 

That group is internationally famous. If I knew that the Black Eye Peas were there, I would have went there. Yeah, and I'd probably be dead. 

There is no excuse for behavior of that kind which is completely over the top, beyond the pale. There is no need for public vigilante action. The Big R, Revenge. This matter is in the hands of the Police. 

King Charles and also the President of the Philippines expressed their condolences. Holy smokes. 

I would say that the 30 year old suspect is done. 

"Saying you're done. You're done? You wanna know what that means? I will tell you what that means. That means exactly how it sounds, yo!" Breaking Bad. 

A Solomon Grundy bad week, malo semanes for people of the Philippines. The Pope dies on a Monday. then a most terrible incident on a Sunday. #mulitplestressors

Those who are not Pinoy which would be most of us must stand in solidarity with them. You are not alone. All people of all Nationalities know tragedy. They are not alone. 

The people of the Philippines are very smart and strong people. 

What is not clear is that if the suspect is, to use a politically incorrect term, a mental case, would this then be a crime of passion or a crime of opportunity? For a real genuine mental case, wouldn't it would be neither? 

"Why did you plow into the crowd?"

"The sky looks rather green this morning and why is the dog always holding an umbrella? Anyways, to quote The Simpsons, 'I'm Mr Plow hey that's my name, That's my name, it's Mr Plow.'  I wanted to play some 9 pinoy, I mean 9 pin bowling. 

Crazy. 

Why did he do it? You can't rationalize the irrational. 

"If there is anything you take away today, other than the need to google what the f*ck is dubstep." Deadpool

Lapu Lapu is a commemoration of a chief or datu, aka island archipelago royalty, named Chilapulapu or Lapu Lapu of the island of Maclan defeating Ferdinand Magellan in a battle in 1521. The festival commemorates that. 

Last year there was a Victoria BC Philippino festival at City Hall, I skated past City Hall at the time on my way to Walmart to get something or other. Whatever it was. A saw quite a few people there. Not feeling peckish, already preoccupied, not sure if I could afford something to eat on my meager budget like I'd mull over getting a $17 purchase for a few days before getting it or not, I went on and did not go to the festival. That's life. 

I don't know if I regret not going. I don't know what to think. 

This is where it gets f*cked up Kabbalah-wise. Numerology. 1521. 1 +5 + 2+ 1 = 9. 9 people killed at the Lapu Lapu Day festival.

The Court trial will be so crammed with Philippines people that it would seem like Lapu Lapu Day at the Courthouse. It would be the Philippino Scopes Trial. And angry pinoys. Angry would be an understatement. They would be right livid. It would be a go through a metal detector and X-ray pre-security screening  first kind of Court trial. Bali song. Butterfly knife from the Philippines. They are experts at that. Could a butterfly knife be accurately replicated in VR? 

Death toll now at 11. Horrific. 

There is a Philippines restaurant chain in Vancouver called Jollibees. 

Vancouver and Victoria have an H mart which is a Korean grocery franchise chain. T&T or else dye toong wah is a Chinese grocery franchise chain. 

Fairway is a Canadian grocery franchise chain. 

Could there be a Jollibee's in Victoria? Who knows? 

If there is, I'd go check it out. Who wouldn't? 

In movie guild standards, no more than three to five swear words per movie. And no less. 

The suspect is 30 year old Kie Jee Adam Low. Talk about a new low. 

Kie Jee Low could be either a Vietnamese or Chinese Mandarin name. So there goes the theory of race war unless its a reverse race war. 

I wonder what the sentencing will look like. 

The suspect will probably get a public defender duty counsel. Unless he represents himself, pleads guilty to all and avoids the apoplectic visages of hundreds of angry Philippinos at his Court trial. His lawyer would probably advise him to plead guilty. 

"It certainly doesn't look good for you at all. The Canadian Prime Minister, the President of the Philippines and the King of England wrote statements of grave concern specifically about you! I'd say plead guilty and you'd be looking at the next hundred years. But even in protective custody, ha, this is the type of thing that hitmen would commit crimes to get in prison specifically to murder you. So many that you would think that they were sprouting from the walls. Mas peligroso. Very dangerous. The best thing you can do for yourself in this situation is to overdose on heroin or fentanyl and then die at the earliest available opportunity. You'll have to lean in to the strike zone and take one for the team. And this is coming from a few years studying at the UBC Faculty of Law."

The suspect will probably be dead in the next few days. 

Will he get Navalnyed in prison? 

In Saskatchewan, someone named Myles Sanderson killed and injured quite a few people. Quite a few. It turns out that while the RCMP were on a half hour break from cell watch, he died mysteriously of a cocaine overdose which I might add is a most terrible way to go. Committed suicide or was suicided. 

A YouTube comment, "You can smell the cover up from Alberta."

The suspect was held under citizens arrest until the Police arrived. In Thailand he would have been beaten to a pulp on the spot which is standard over there. 

The guy is done for. On YouTube, there was a video where someone said that an angel said, "There are some decisions that will cost you your soul."

Even suicides make it to heaven because psychics do readings where suicides come through. Only those who did a lot of people in are unreachable because they are in hell. 

Something scary. First of all, Dr Stephen St John the hospital chaplain and Howard Storm said that for truly bad people, demons wait to collect them when they die. 

Here's the scary part. I remember. The person who stood on the suspect's right was wearing red. Color of the devil. The person who stood to his right was wearing black. Color of a demon of the dead. 

If you thought that coming down off coke was bad, reportedly, if someone does enough meth, they see black hooded figures as they are coming down. Those are ghosts and have ghost nature which includes seeing into the future. The ghosts see that the person is gunna do more meth and then die. Either die briefly seeing the fuschia colored sky with the soft white clouds and then be revived as that counts too or else die completely. 

For my blasphemy in the last few paragraphs, I think that I'm doomed. 

Well, a few Biblical figures expressed profound doubt such as Moses who said, "If I am to be treated this way, I would prefer God, that you kill me outright."

Even Jesus at some point thought that God had forsaken Him. 

King David, he had faith. Even though King Saul was hunting him, even though he had a man killed so he could get his wife, King David sang songs of praise. 

"You will produce springs in the desert."

"Even though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil because You are with me."

Such faith. I wish I had such faith. 

I'm ruined. Spiritually devastated. I'm in all likelihood, doomed. 

"One bad apple don't spoilt the whole bunch, girl. Give it one more try before you give up on love." The Jackson Five 

Kie Jee. Really? In Cantonese, kwie jie means bad boy. Does it mean bad boy in Mandarin? 

Some words, Canto to Mando sound more or less the same. Others sound completely different. 

My Chinese name in Cantonese is Ko Wing Kuen. Sure it is.* In Mandarin it's Gow Yong Chwen. 

*sarcasm

Yong Le is the name of a Chinese Emperor, in Cantonese its Wing Lock. Wing Lock Chinese restaurant in Vancouver. 

I was never shown my birth certificate. That would be the standard empirical evidence. It's called due process, due diligence. 

My father was, I would say, profoundly demonstrably medacious, he lied all the time, so the ostensible Chinese name was the result of yet another spur of the moment lie, some made up bullsh*t, what were the chances of that, told at some point in the past that somehow stuck ever since. 

If I had my birth certificate, then I could move back to China at any time and stay there no problem. So I have all the racial disadvantages of being born in Hong Kong with none of the advantages. Brought to a crackpot backwater where I am a racialized visible minority without the option to move back to China where I would be on the apex of the racial Peking, I mean pecking order. My parents would still have their birth certificate. 

That's called not being treated by others as you would treat them. 

My parents had their birth certificates, all my siblings had success to their birth certificate. I was the only one who wasn't. Other people had their mother die but they still had their birth certificate. What did I do to deserve that? What a grim substandard dogsh*t set up. I suppose that this is part of God's plan too. 

"Fuck the plan!!" City of Ghosts 

F the plan means I get to give myself an early reprieve. 

Can you blame me for wanting an early reprieve? All that is relevant because I'm alive. Once I'm in the afterlife, all this would then be irrelevant. 

God damned rip-off family.

Fucking why? Why the weird shit set up? Whats up with that? You have given a lot of my friends an early reprieve. I'm the one who has to live my life or else live down my life. It's not God who has to live my life. But baffingly, my doesn't my input mean anything. The physics of life is defective and dysfunctional. If God had any decency, thoughtfulness and consideration, He would give me an early reprieve. 

Children of a Lesser God. More like children of an @sshole God. 

I don't want life. 

Thats why I want to give up on life altogether. So much of my life is just substandard dogsh*t. I get urges to quit jobs. I get urges to move to another country and never return. I get urges to quit life altogether. Especially when I've come up with certain answers. 

That's God fer ya. He would see a car run through a crowd of festival goers killing a few people but he wouldn't raise it for me personally where he would give me a quick early reprieve even though I've come up with the most excellent answers including. 

- time travel is objective, all things are happening simultaneously, linear time is time experienced on a subjective level while time travel is the objective experience. 

On this level of understanding, time is an algorithm, a modality, a dynamic. 

- the instant download of terabytes of information being parsed through, either its the particle or download/upload singularity phase or its wave, parsing through the data, time dilation phase. A wave is still a particle but in wave form. And a particle is still a wave but in particle form. 

On this additional next level of understanding, time is a construct. 

- the problem physics of this dimension VS the no problem physics of the afterlife or even the dreamworld

- part of the physics of this dimension is being wired to the R complex, limbic system, HPA axis, cortisol. Once I get reprieve from life I won't have to worry about any of this anymore thus I can then for the first time truly be free on a purely existential level. 

- not being lucky with women. That's enough to ame me not want to stay in this dimension but that it's impossible to win. Some people are so gung ho on the narcissism thing that you will be convinced that 100% of people are narcissists. It just depends on degree. Narcissists will breadcrumb you. Then don't place any expectations on those @ssholes. You owe them nothing and they owe you nothing. 

Narcissism is directly proportional to lack of talent and discipline. People who have skills in martial arts or gymnastics or some martial discipline which takes some pain and self sacrifice in achieving is something that is beyond a narcissist. The chi or internal flowing kinetic energy and how it is organized is usually terrible with narcissists. 

You will rarely see a narcissist do a Wu Xu whirling butterfly kick, or a backflip with legs straight up in the air, or ride an electric skateboard doing 180 degree varials. I can do all of that. I could think of a few narcissists I met in this town, ones that will future fake you at the drop of a hat. It seems that they are rather gormless and have no martial arts discipline whatsoever. Their narcissistic thoughts just aren't there. 

The best thing you can do for a narcissist is to just ghost them. Meeting a narcissist again is a kick to the gut because your subconscious has picked up on something that your conscious hasn't yet registered. 

If this description makes you think of someone, there is a 98% chance that the person is a narcissist. Ghost them. 

Anyways, to bring it round the horn, isn't God a jerk for including the festival incident as part of His plan but not giving me my well and reasonably requested for quick and painless early reprieve also as part of His plan. Why? 

I'm tired of not being lucky with women and not getting laid for what. Twenty years? If I wanted to be in a dimension where I'm not getting laid for twenty years, I'd rather be in the afterlife dimension. God gave a few of my friends an early reprieve. Why not me as well? 

The other day, I saw a porn ad. A lady with a smokingly hot body, built like a brick sh*thouse was having a shower. She said, "Twenty years? What? You haven't done it for. Twenty years?!" I would rather not be alive. If I knew my life was going to be this shut, I would have ended my life with a heroin overdose years ago. 

The additional problem is that there is no way to win in this dimension. There is no such thing as a free f*ck. There is Mahal. Love is never free. It comes at a cost. Sometimes the cost is the woman dying in child birth or else having a retard child with some kind of severe congenital medical problems. Uh, no thanks. 

You think that this line of worry is a remote statistic for me, a flight of fancy. Woman dies of childbirth, woman has intensely retarded child, this happened within my family line with relatives whom I personally know! 

Get involved with some lady who you otherwise wouldn't get involved with because you secretly don't really like her personality, but you want to get laid. Then you have some vapid stalker on your hands. 

Women are so beautiful. Not getting laid is painful So painful that I don't want to exist in this dimension at all. Why couldn't God understand that? He doesn't have to live my life so for him this is just some big joke. He doesn't know what it's like. 

God can casually, carelessly, summarily waste a few lives and they were people who did not at all want an early reprieve. Not only have I been asking hundreds of times for years for an early reprieve, I have also come up with additional excellent answers and he doesn't give me an early reprieve. Why? 

But the seeing the beautiful women and not getting laid. That's enough to make me want an early reprieve. Good thing no one actually reads this but if you think I'm bluffing, why don't you call my bluff? Why don't you see me get 2 grams of heroin and a syringe and see if I do it or not? If you don't believe me, get me 2 grams of heroin and a syringe?

Ive been unlucky in life. That's what happens when you move to the wrong town or are in the wrong country. Or in the wrong dimension with the wrong set of physics. It's not who you are, it's where you are that could be the problem. 

Oh, for f*ck's sake, literally. 

"For women, childbirth is the battlefield." House of the Drsgon, season 1, episode 1

Childbirth is worse than dying on an actual battlefield. 

Dying of childbirth, the telepathic history of great expectations, then the evil morass of extreme health anxiety and realizing that it is not health anxiety that will go away. Ever. That this a battle that will be lost and not be able to care for the child, a life and death situation and the sheer Satanic energy signature of that. And unlike dying on the battlefield, she doesn't even get to go to Valhalla. 

Battlefield. Quick headshot with a high impact slug. So fast you don't even know what hit you. No long and drawn out extreme health anxiety and the Satanic energy signatures that come with it. 

And you get to go to Valhalla. 

Over the last few decades or even more, female soldiers have died in battle. They go to Valhalla too. 

What if a female soldier during a battle in a war dies of childbirth giving birth in a trench dugout? Would she go to Valhalla too? And the answer is, Yes, why not? 

If I want an early reprieve, why do I stay healthy? I don't fear a early reprieve. I do fear pain and bad health. I want to live healthy and die in the fullness of health. Some athletes dropped dead of a heart attack right on the race track like Florence Griffith Joiner. As far as I'm concerned, that is like winning the cosmic lottery. I wish God would give me that winning lottery ticket. Do you understand? 

There is a Jempoy's Lechon in town which is the local answer to Jollibee. 

Its on Quadra Street, same street as the Police station. But its way the heck out in the boonies. It's located way out in the sticks. 

They have Lechon manok which means roast chicken. Half a roast chicken for about $17 which is the standard going rate. I'd be willing to give it a shot! Give it a British go. 

I could use the bus pass to go to Sidney on the same day. 

Closed on Mondays. 

Lechon means roast pork and that is their signature dish. To prepare takes an ability and knowledge that is a few levels beyond what I can do. 

Pansit means fried noodles. I have a bit of an eidetic memory for words and I saw that word on ramen noodle packages. 

There are quite a few pinoys living in Dawson Creek. So much so that one of the 11 who were done in during that infamous crime wave in the summer of 2018 was pinoy.

When I was staying there, I really wanted to go to Thailand again not noticing that slowly, Dawson Creek was becoming more and more like Thailand. Well more and more like Southeast Asia anyways. I remember them as being good people. Unquestionably more together than I am in a lot of ways. Especially financially and mentally. 

Being from Hong Kong, the Philippinos are the same race as me just as people from France and people from Scotland are the same race, there is the Geo national shared cultural kinship. Me and the people from the Philippines are are close relatives along with Vietnam, Laos, Burma, Thailand and that scary country. However that scary country has very powerful magic. If their good luck magic is cast upon you, it is powerful enough to literally make you a Millionaire. 

Anyways, speaking of millionaires, the pinoys in Dawson Creek would be devastated to hear the News of the tragedy in Vancouver. 

The suspect, the News disclosed, has been charged with 8 counts of second degree murder. Let's unpack this, shall we? 

Second degree and not first. The suspect didn't know any of the victims the day before, heck even five minutes before the incident. Even if he personally knew one of the victims well, unless there is a motive, some lurid backstory, if the victim was just there through happenstance, as long as the suspect didn't know that, that's still second degree. 

The action was completely preventable otherwise it would have been a case of manslaughter. 

8 charges. 11 dead. That means that 3 of the victims died of comorbidity related causes. They were more or less on the way out anyways. 

Conspiracy theory: Black flag operation. Manchurian candidate, the brain is broken down into compartmentalized shelves and altars. How did he get a car, an Audi no less? Was it his or stolen? 

Black Flag Operation objective: Re-open Riverview Mental Hospital. The land of Thorazine; largactil, the land of stellazine. 

Closing Riverview - decentralization

Reopen Riverview - centralization

Succeeding governments like to play the yo-yo game of centralization, and decentralization, repeat, repeat, etc, etc 

That crazy bonkers guy drove an Audi?! The nicest thing I've driven recently is my electric skateboard. Would something like that be on the level of an Audi? Uh, no. 

An Audi is a complete car. My electric skateboard is a wheels and chassis only car. 

The dynamic has changed. That car is a cursed haunted car now. That car killed 11 people. Not even James Dean's Porsche Spyder killed 11 people. That car killed 3 people, two behind the wheel, and a mechanic who was unloading it. 

From the Stephen King novel Christine, Death night on the radio. A radio show that plays nothing but songs from dead musical artists. Christine-o's Philippinos. 

Monday, April 28, 2025 

As with golf, the 19th hole is a reference to the afterlife, Donald Trump always talking about the 51st State could also be a reference to the afterlife. Let's face it, eventually all Americans will get to go to the 51st State. 

Similar to Thailand, Jungwat 77; Province 77

I voted in the election. I made a direct vote and voted for the NDP local yokel candidate who is the only one with any real chance of winning anyways. 

To vote for the candidate who represents Mark Carney was too oblique of a choice involving two degrees of separation. I went for the jugular with the direct vote. 

The female MP is the only photogenic candidate. The other two candidates are as ugly as sin. So to say that she is the most photogenic among them wouldn't be saying much. 

I either want my life to get better or else I want to quit life altogether. Voting in an election does nothing to affect either of this. So voting in an election for me is just some spurious superfluous ineffectual extraneous and relatively useless social choreography that I did just for the hell of it and certainly not for my health. I really had nothing better to do at the time. 

Was it a meaningful social gesture? Who knows and who cares? #sceptical #cynical 

I'm worried. CBC said that the anDP went from Official Opposition at one point to wondering if they will have enough seats to maintain Party status. Really? F*ck! If I knew that I would have voted for the Liberal Party. I didn't know that at the time. What this means is if the NDP isn't an official Party, then Laurel Collins if she wins would technically be an Independent. Who cares? 6 of 1 is half a dozen of the other. As long as she wins. She would still be a big wheel at the cheese factory. 

Laurel Collins didn't win. Down but not out. Or not? 

The politicians have taken a gap term before taking on another resumptive term. Someone else did that. Who was it? Uh, uh, Donald Trump? 

The result of the election was a travesty. It was more or less what we had last time. A Liberal Minority. Actually, in some ways things are worse. Forming a coalition would be likened to throwing a life preserver to the man overboard situation that is a Minority government. 

There isn't even that option. 

Liberal - 169

Cons - 144

Bloc Quebecois - 22

NDP - 7

Green - 1

There isn't an option to form a coalition with the NDP like last time. A coalition with the Bloc would be more salient.

But this time the Liberals have a 25 seat edge over the Conservatives which is more than last time. 

At the polling station, I heard a voter say something to the polling station worker, he said, "See you again soon."  The worker, she said, "Hopefully not too soon."  How rude, I thought. 

It was some time after I left the polling station that I realized that it meant,  "I hope that we don't have another election too soon away from now."  It's all good. 

On election night, on the News, there was a segment where someone said,  "In this Canadian National electoral landscape, BC is like the last holdout." or words to that effect. Not waiting for the sentence to finish, I interrupted the speaker on the television show and said, "... BC is like the carnival in Nightmare Alley."

In some countries, they don't even have an election. The government might as well issue a statement saying

"We would think that it would be one less thing for you to worry about. Politics is a specialized skill like an airplane mechanic. You wouldn't try to guess who would be the best airplane mechanic. And then to actually cast a vote according to that line of thought. 

You have seen the example in the West. They have election after election and nothing ever changes. In fact things seem to get worse. The downgrading of neighbourhoods,"

A person with a talent must do the thing in their mind first. Then they can do it in real life. And write theory about that. 

A backflip is a modified aerial cartwheel and backwards somersault. 

A backflip involves three moves

Bend forward first. That gives you leeway to lean back quickly for the initial thrust. Seeing a statue bending forward on YouTube taught me this. 

1. Jumping up, springing with the toes only rather than the entire front and heel. And getting the back up in the air and horizontal at minimum, if past minimum that would be better

2. The second forward pelvic thrust which brings the backflip arching even further back. This slight move is so important and critical otherwise one could land on their head. 

The first two steps, the face is looking up. 

3. Extend the legs like an airplane extending landing wheels with split second timing and be aware of the feet landing on the ground. The third step, almost like teleportation, the face is somehow suddenly looking downwards. With practice, you get it somehow mysteriously without thinking consciously about it. 

The forward somersault involves the first move being just givin er and doing a front ward somersault and then the same second move but thrusting the pelvis backwards instead of forwards. This further sets one up for the landing otherwise one lands in the sitting down position. And the third move is to extend and to firmly plant the feet. 

That's the theory. The reality is another thing. Rolling back fast on a log on the beach can help train doing a backflip. Same set of moves, the initial thrust back, the second thrust to advance further and then ready to extend legs and plant feet. 

I would then be a Jedi knight if I can do front and back flips holding two lightsabers or a double lightsabers like Darth Maul. 

How to do a Simone Biles style triple flips would be beyond me. She's a Jedi grand master. 

Big fear. There is a slim to none margin of error. It must be done quickly or not at all. I do it not fast enough and land on my head and become a quad. I would have to learn how to use my mouth to load a syringe with heroi like Joni the painter or like "Prince Randini' the black caterpillar man who was on the set of the 1937 movie Freaks. How can one exist as a quad? Answer, voice activated and eye tracking VR goggles. 

A YouTube comment: "You won't land on your head" 

I went to the museum to check out the Indian chintz display. I didn't see any Chinese people there besides myself. A spot for the museum on the News said the East Indians were good at making paisley. They were so gung ho as to go out of their way to mention that. Paisley. 

I was completely crestfallen to see that there was no paisley. 

Perhaps I want looking closely enough. My mind was preoccupied with the thoughts of the weather today is too wretched and awful to go on a trip to Sidney. As if that wasn't enough to shatter my existential equilibrium, I also reflected glumly that Beebs is in the afterlife and I would like to be with her because I don't really have anything going for me otherwise. If I am going to be unlucky with women, I'd prefer to be in the afterlife with a much more exquisite set of physics. But do I have the option? 

What's so difficult to understand about that? 

First of all for all my blasphemy, I wouldn't be surprised if God struck me with lightning. I might not be around in a few days. 

On YouTube, on some video, a person commented, "Hail Satan!" 

A reply, "Your blasphemy is accounted for and held in the name of Jesus and God. Your sins have been atoned for through the blood of Christ. You have been forgiven through the power of Jesus Christ. The best thing you can do is to repent and try your best to live a righteous life." 

I'm probably in all likelihood, doomed. 

I was going to mention. All throughout the evening, I've been feeling a mysterious warm glow of nostalgia. Like all is well and I'm in the right place. I used to only feel the dark grotto of anxiety. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2025 

Today, I cleared weeds from a wall at Satan's Academy, I mean St Anne's Academy. 

There was a significant amount of weeds. I also scratched way moss revealing shiny slick red bricks that form the wall. 

I spent a couple of minutes kvetching about an early reprieve. I came up certain answers. Why did Heather get an early reprieve and not me. 

I could come up with more answers. I don't think so now but I thought that before and came up with the download singularity answer. 

Real VR Fishing has the new UK DLC. $6.99 US. Expect to pay $12 Canadian. 

UK is England. Fishing on the Thames River just like Geoffrey Chaucer did. Sure. 

Other places in England too. Rivers near small towns, a few freshwater and saltwater fishing spots. The places will undoubtedly be very beautiful. 

One of the locations is Loch Ness. As in sea monster. The Ogopogo. 

I want to specifically talk about the Ogopogo. There is no Ogopogo. Any species must have what's called a critical population and that is about 500. Less than that and the species won't thrive enough and will go extinct. This goes as well for the Sasquatch and the Yeti. Why is only one and not quite a few Ogopogo ever seen? 

GPR. Ground penetrating radar. Any large animals would immediately be red flagged as an anomaly. Anything? I've never heard about it. GPR would work even better under water than under ground. 

No Loch Ness either for the same reason. 

Sightings? It's called Freudian wish fulfillment. 

It's all BS. 

If I had enough heroin, I would quit life. Not getting laid for 20 years. I'm in the wrong town. I met all the wrong people. 

I would rather be dead than to live a life of humiliation. That's the Japanese way. Bushido. Death before dishonour. 

If I knew I wouldn't get laid for 20 years 20 years ago, wouldn't you at least think of it? 

Karen Connelly in the novel Walk with the Dragon about her trip in Thailand. A monk told her about his years of chastity. 

She wrote,  "When I think of not doing it for even one year I howl into my pillow."

My friend in Thailand said, "A man who does not f*ck is worse than a dog."

Dead mother at birth. No birth certificate. Not getting laid for 20 years. I seriously don't want to go on living. 

If I went to the hospital, I could get euthanized. 

If anyone wants to deal me a headshot with a high impact slug, my only wish is that you did it 20 years ago. 

If I had died 20 years ago, the score would be:

Me - 1, Life - 0

As it is, the score is:

Life - 1, Me - 0

"I had plenty of time in the long and boring hours between dawn and work, to think what a fool I had been to deliver myself into the hands of these Russians." George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London, chapter XIX. 

This is what happens when you move to the wrong town. What a fool I had been to have delivered myself into the hands of the people of this town. 

That means life has gotten the better of me and that's no f*cking good at all. 

I write and even published my dreams with illustrations and other people get rich. I should have gotten a million dollars for my dream journals alone. This world has profoundly ripped me off. Heather never got ripped off the way I did in the publishing world and she got an early reprieve. Why doesn't God give me an early reprieve? Meanwhile He green lights 11 people killed in a crowd. If He was doing 11 that day anyways, why didn't He do me in that day too? I mean since He was already in the neighbourhood anyways, so to speak. 

I never made money with any of my art. Not enough to make a difference. My work on the internet is being stolen. Milked. Sh*t dimension, sh*t physics, sh*t species. I can't work with this! Could you pray for my death? 

I would ask God, "If you published a dream journal with illustrations including Royal dreams and for years, and you didn't get a cent directly for it, wouldn't You as well want to get an early reprieve from life?" I wonder if the Universe will give me an answer to this. No life worth living is worth this. Say a prayer for me that I can be granted an early reprieve. 

The ideal is that I get enough money. Be an expat. Move to a better country. Never come back. 

I would like to write a blog entry that reads like:

"I have been here a year and what a difference it made. Canada sucked. It was a backwater and I was unlucky with women. Here, I have a few girlfriends I have quite an effect on women. And I have an English teaching job and live in a nice condo. I'm glad I left. The architecture and infrastructure is much more futuristic and advanced than it is in the West. In the West I was a streets cleaner having moved to a city with cleaner streets. Remember to move to whatever country gives you the best deal in life. Just abandon the old useless country. Because assimilation and patriotism for a country that designates you as a racialized visible minority second class citizen or for a country that is a backwater that just gets worse over time is a form of Stockholm Syndrome."

For some reason the forces of life is being its usual @sshole self. If God had any decency and respect for my wishes, He would have given me a quick fatal stroke and heart attack. The death realm exists outside the often weaponized existentially counterproductive confines of linear time. So its instant. Blink and you could miss it. One is on the other side that fast. For some reason, God is denying me my impeccably logically justified early reprieve. I came up with the answers! I figured it out! 

Better a wanted death than an unwanted life. The value of my life to me is finite, not infinite, anyways because my life is finite, not infinite, anyways. 

I met people with different handicaps. Some of those handicaps are quite profound. First of all, a lot of them are sexually active. Second of all, one must act according to their temperament. Some are more willing to live with humiliation than others. I'm not willing to live with it at all. 

In the afterlife, a suicide should compare themself not with those who didn't commit suicide but with those who did. 

6 people a day die of an opiate overdose in this Province. That's a bus I'd like to get on. 

Bafflingly, the Police would try to stop me from quitting life altogether. 

I really wish I didn't have to live the last twenty years. The next best thing is for me to quit life as soon as possible. 

In my perfect world, I would die before either Heather and Maria both. Because they are ladies my age, I should die first before them. They should have outlived me. That's my perfect world. Instead it's all bass ackwards. 

"I should have died in the field with my men. I would have died with honour. That was my destiny! You cheated me out of my destiny."  Forrest Gump

I should have died before Heather and Maria. I would have died with honour. That was my destiny! I was cheated out of my destiny. 

What am I talking about? 

Heather and Maria were kind of @ssholes. 

Maria was intensely moody because of her anorexia. Up and down mood swings taking my psyche along with it. Her @sshole parents. 

Heather. Endlessly lazy and taking advantage of my kindness. Her suddenly being handicapped and the caregiver burnout was additional unwanted sh*t on top of an unwanted global pandemic. With Heather I'm simply going through Stockholm syndrome. Clinical grief doesn't always lead to Stockholm syndrome, followed far enough but Stockholm syndrome will eventually lead to clinical grief, followed far enough. 

Why don't you pray for my death? Damage done. Who doesn't get laid for 20 years? 

Or what if a person got laid but got HPV related cancer? 

In this dimension there is no way to win under the physics. That's why I want to quit life altogether. 

Seriously. Pray for my death. I am worse than a dog. Use black magic to precipitate my death if necessary. 

A person is closer to the death state when they are asleep as most organs are in partial shutdown. I'm surprised that because of my blasphemy that God didn't use the opportunity of my sleep state to kill me in my sleep yesterday. Although the window on that kind of thing never closes, He should have done it 20 years ago. Make it 15 years ago. I did have some pretty good sex 15 years ago. 

I heard a knock on the door and when  THE LADY entered my room, it was like in The Simpsons, the dream that Smithers had of Mr Burns floating in through the window. 

I had a massive crush on her for years. I'd talk with her and return to my apartment immediately thinking about her. We kissed once during a visit. Then one day was the first of a few major visits. 

Me and her were at it right away. She said I could go all the way. She nibbled, uh, me, like a squirrel nimbling an acorn. 

She advised us to shower before going to the bank together because we smelled of sex. That's thinking a few steps ahead. 

To quote Groundhog Day,  "Why couldn't I live THAT day? Over and over and over again." 

Even 15 years is a joke. 

1  gram of heroin is the minimum lethal amount.  2 grams is the minimum lethal amount for cocaine. It wouldn't be a simple overdose anymore. It would be the body succumbing to the sheer lethality of the amount of toxicity. 

That girl Caren is a complete flake. So was that other Christian lady. The one with the dog. She said that she thought Paul Simon's music was goofy and she was raised in the Prairies and likes classical music instead. Oh yeah, right. Because all the great composers, Mozart, Brahms, Bach, Shostakovich, they all composed their music in the Prairies. 

Caren. I've never seen her with anyone. At least I was with Heather. 

Be ware of any woman you never see with any guys for years. That's because no one wants to be with them or vice versa. 

Women who are flakes:

I could know them. 

But should I know them? 

And would I want to know them? 

No. I'll hold out for something better but in a small town with a small  population, it could take years. Why don't I just quit life instead? 

Wednesday, April 30, 2025 

On the morning I went to Sidney to visit the aviation museum, I had successfully completed a mission on World Of Warplanes World War 1 VR. Something I rarely do. Missions are difficult. 

I know some German and was able to understand what the German pilots were saying

Mein flugzeug ist zu langzam - My plane is too slow. 

Bandit ist eliminiet - bandit is eliminated

Balloon ist aus gesichted - blimp is out of your face

Flieger das sturz - plane crashed.

Ritten auf - ride upwards 

The app didn't provide translations. Either you know it or not. 

Traveling to Quebec for Christmas is is kind of like traveling to Europe. I would need to stay for three nights. 

After seeing YouTube videos of Quebec at Christmas, it makes me think of going. It would be great practice for Europe. 

Even with my criminal record, I am still legally able to travel to Quebec. 

My knowledge of the French language, rusty as it is, comme ce comme ca, it is essential to survival in the entire Province of Quebec. 

To pass as a real Quebecer, not only do you have to speak French with the perfect roller coaster inflection and then declamation theme throughout the French accent when speaking French, you'd have to speak English with a French accent perfectly. 

"You have the power to cloud men's minds if you use it." Stephen King, The Running Man

It takes guts and one would have to be crazy to pull it off but I think I have what it takes. 

My only worry is that the Surete of Quebec or the Gendarmie Royale Canadien could have it in for anybody even a tourist and using Napoleonic law, have them busted and locked up for whatever. It would be just like the VR app Jailbirds. Why watch in VR when you can live the experience? Uh, no thanks. It would be like prison in English speaking Canada except with a lot more poutine, I guess. 

2 hours and twenty minutes until the Real VR Fishing new UK DLC. 

I feel a toothache coming on. Definite sharp surgical pain reminding me of something metallic. Extraction of another tooth in less than a month. Aren't the physics of this dimension just lovely? Teeth are an algorithm. A defective algorithm. A vestigial algorithm that unfortunately is a train wreck all throughout life. 

Sharks have three rows of teeth and when their teeth fall out, they grow back. Endlessly. 

Friday, April 30, 2025 

Today I scratched off the weeds and moss on the other remaining side of the wall at Satan's Academy, I mean St Anne's Academy. It was a Satanic, I mean a St Anneic task. It was at one time a Catholic girls parochial school so it would have been as Satanic as something like that would have been. 

I made the hand sign of Baphomet upon completion of work as a gesture of victory and vindication. 

Quite a few people thanked me verbally. That's nice. I couldn't help reflecting that if this was Thailand, people would be smiling effusive toothpaste smiles, yim swoy swoy, pretty smile, waiing me and offering me food and drinks. But I'm in Canada, not Thailand. It is what it is. 

Today was certainly a most Satanic day in history in Southeast Asia in the scary country. The capital was full of people the day before. The next day it was completely empty. 

A group of resistance faction soldiers entered the city. They were welcomed as heroes. However the soldiers were terrified. The Khmer Rouge was approaching the city. 

When General Ieng Sary and the KR entered the city, all resistance faction soldiers were summarily executed. 

The KR said that Americans were going to bomb the city. This happened before so all the city residents went to the countryside. Hospitals were evacuated. Those who couldn't walk were hacked to death with machetes. 

So working at Satan's Academy today turned out to be rather timely. If Satan is the Devil, what a chicken sh*t devil. If he was any kind of devil at all, he would have had me killed 20 years ago. But God has protected me. Oh, yeah, sure, right. Protect me for what? To go years on end without getting laid? To live on welfare and in rooming houses in some backwater rather than a futuristic rock show city? To a life where I do lots of work for very little reward?  No, that's not God, that must be the devil. Again, what a crappy, toothless and useless devil. Again, if he was any kind of devil, he would have arranged to have had me killed at birth. 

This is where the whole devil argument falls apart. Killing a cute newborn baby at birth before it has even had a chance is the most evil thing. But the devil usually doesn't do that. He opts for the lesser evil of playing some devious diabolical malevolent cat and mouse game with you throughout your life and in some cases its a long 100 year life. Oh, yeah whatever, sure that's evil but not on the level of snuffing out an infant at birth. Even a hamster mother has an edge on the devil when it comes to evil because a hamster mother regularly eats her babies but at a time before the axons and dendrites of their nerve endings have started to form. 

So the devil routinely opts for a doing things in half measures, points on a curve iteration of doing evil in the World. What a chicken sh*t devil. 

Pastor Joel Osteen said that the devil had to ask God for permission to test Job. The devil will not approach those who the Hand of God has ordained. 

In my case ordained to a life of penury and disenfranchisement and a basically existentially counterproductive and counferefficient existence in other words a waste of time and energy. 

Neither God nor the devil seems to be much help. Religion is flakey. 

If the devil was in fact able to kill every single human who was ever born at birth, because that would be the most evil thing, then he wouldn't have much work to do or else something like that can only be done for so many generations. I would say not more than one generation. 

So what were dealing with isn't an evil for evil's sake like Ars gratia artis, art for art's sake, kind of devil but more of an anti hero in some kind of antiheroic cosmic make work project where the evil is tempured and regulated. Again, what a chickens hit devil. 

So between a God who's shuffling his feet when it comes to this and a most whimsical devil, my hope for an early reprieve seems to be dashed. 

If you're bad, even God wants to kill you. 

If you're good, even the devil wants to protect you. 

A person's mind could be in the right place, but their heart is in the wrong place. 

And a person's mind could be in the wrong place, but their heart is in the right place. 

My life is worse than that of a dog. I work and don't get paid. And I don't get laid. I really don't want to live rather than to live a life of humiliation. There are people who don't go a month without getting laid and with the most beautiful women. 

I haven't gotten laid in about 20 years. 

I don't suffer fools gladly including myself. 

If I had enough heroin I would give the afterlife a chance. Not getting laid is a joke. 

If you don't believe me why don't you get me some heroin and find out if I do it or not. 

I have to live according to my temperament. Things never get better even to this day. 

I am a loser and my life is totally sad. I would really honestly rather be dead. Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me ever again one day and you will know why. Damage done. 

Not getting laid for 20 years is a valid reason to just Give up on life. My life is a joke. 

I think that not living at all is better than living 20 years without sex. 

I would only opt for a heroin overdose as a method of suicide. My best years are over. What's left? 

Suicide through heroin overdose sounds awful but what's the option, to try to live down twenty years of not getting laid is loser on a profound level. I never wanted to be that. I am too vain to want to live a life without getting laid. I am determined to get some heroin and to end a life that just isn't working. 

If I get any heroin, I would 100% end my experience in this dimension. Not getting laid and with no end in sight to this makes me not want to live life at all. You don't believe me. Why don't you get me some heroin and see if it happens. I wish that heroin and syringes can be legally obtained. I wish I could overdose on heroin and leave this dimension to move on to life in another dimension where I won't have to think about this any more. 

I would never advise another person to commit suicide. But I wouldn't blame them in a lot of cases if I heard their story and I would envy them for being in the afterlife with a much more salient set of physics. The set of physics of this dimension which includes the possibility of not getting laid for years is something that isn't worth experiencing or continuing life for. I never wanted my life to be like this. If this is my life, then I don't want life. I might be dead soon. Why doesn't God respect my wishes? 

The volunteer work I do is stupid. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. 

Other people know how to apply for volunteer stipends. 

"He worked cleaning jellylike slime from under piers and sump pumps when people who believed they were looking for work did nothing." Stephen King, The Running Man 

My line of thinking isn't that I'm working and not getting money for it. The government has already paid me welfare which is enough for a lot of things. 

It is somehow enough for a meager life but not enough to be socially attractive to any women who are worth knowing. My life is a trap. 

If I ever get enough heroin, I'll quit life in this dimension and resume life in the afterlife dimension. 

I want to meet a beautiful woman. Not some kinda ugly and formless flake with whom I have nothing in common with. I would say to these women personally,  "I would rather be dead than to be your friend. We have nothing in common. I neither need nor want your friendship in particular."

What if the devil was to kill me. I wouldn't ask the devil to, but what could I do about something like that? That option would be acceptable to me. Whatever gets the job done. I'd rather be dead than to be chronically unsuccessful with women. But that's just me. 

If that's life then I don't want life. 

Why don't you say a prayer for my imminent death? 

I wouldn't be killing myself or ending my life, that's just cultural conditioning terminology. One never dies. I would just be moving from one state of living to another. And I'd be willing to give that a shot! 

Let's face it. Technically I'm a loser. The thing is do I want to live or not if it's as a loser. The answer is no. 

It's not as I f I don't have a solution for myself. I just want to quit life altogether. It just isn't working for me. 

I could always pay a junkie to score heroin for me.. 

If God had any decency, he'd facilitate my request to quit this dimension for one with a more reasonable set of physics. 

I'm seriously thinking of quitting life. I wish I had enough heroin and enough syringes. I would 100% quit life on this end and move on to life in the afterlife end. 

Life gives signs if nothing else. Sexually successful, that's a sign to go on with life. Not getting laid for, what.. 20 years?! I can read the room. It's life saying perhaps it would be a good idea to just quit. Remember I'm not killing myself or ending my life. I'm just abandoning an existence that gives me pain on a daily basis and is something that has proven to be useless and worthless to me so therefore I'm deciding to move to life in another dimension and that's something I'd definitely be interested in. 

Wouldn't I want to live another 20 years? And not get laid in all that time? Uh, no thanks. It's a gamble. What. Like the last 20 years ago was a gamble and one that I lost. I still have a chance to avoid making the same mistake again. I'm determined to get some heroin and to move to another dimension, one where the odds are more stacked in my favour. One more day in an unending spell of not getting laid for twenty years and counting is one day too many. I'm certainly not interested in anything like that. The less of such days the better. 

I am 100% determined to get some heroin and to die like Jan and Janus Joplin. 

When I move to another dimension, at that point I guess that my sweeping the grounds of the Courthouse will have stopped. Not that it made a difference in my life when it came to getting laid. The only thing that backwater towns have to offer is more of itself.

My friend the junkie was going to help me end life in this dimension. He understood that life can just GET to ya. 

He quoted Carl Sandburg, 

Not because I'm angry or sad 

I'm just tired and had enough. 

I can do one just as good and quote George Eastman of Kodak, "My work is done. Why go on?" 

When I'm doing my work on the streets, I'll be thinking of how I can move to another dimension. Especially if it's either no women or the wrong women. I can't win in this dimension. 

Psychics say that suicides make it to heaven. Only those who killed other people do not.. 

Therefore I should still make it to heaven even if I decide to cut it short due to lack of anything otherwise worth living for on the level of getting laid regularly. 

The people who work at the Courthouse reportedly have sex very regularly and are hopping into beds all the time. They could understand my sentiment of wanting to move to another dimension. 

That narcissist I was writing about. I wouldn't care even in the slightest if I move to another dimension before seeing her ever again. I hope to never see her ever again. 

If I told you who it is, what difference would it make? This local narcissist, that local narcissist, what's the difference? 

Since I've reframed it to moving to another and better dimension rather than killing myself or committing suicide or ending my life, it makes me feel a lot better about dong what I should have done 20 years ago, looking back. My life sucks. I'm a loser. 

I would rather be dead than to be a loser. A hundred times over. 

Bushido: Death before dishonor. 

Once I move to the better dimension, I will have the reattained my Honour. I don't want to lose face. I don't want to live with humiation. Hari-kari, seppuku via a heroin overdose is a more desirable option.  For me, anyways. 

I need to score some China White heroin aka alpha-methylfentanyl. High quality uncut diacetyl morphine would also be acceptable. From white powder Ma. 

Do a last dying speedball. Shoot half a gram of cocaine and half a gram of China White heroin. 

Satan's Academy where today I cleaned the wall of moss and weeds would, in all likelihood, approve of my decision to move to another and better dimension. I think that they are highly stratified in terms of discipline, dignity and decorum demanding only apex standards and would thus believe that one should not suffer any fools in life gladly including oneself and also including life itself. 

*sign of baphomet. Devil horns. 

Acromegaly. Big hands, big feet. Devil hands and devil feet. 

There are lots of beautiful women. Really beautiful. To not get laid is painful. Sure, life owes me nothing. But I owe life nothing as well. I don't owe it to an existential process that has been a proven @sshole to me to stick around. 

If life hasn't done it for me, why would I want to do it for life? 

To me, the value of my life in this dimension is finite because the nature of my life in this dimension is finite. 

Some people hearing that I didn't get laid for for years would feel schadenfreude which is a quick involuntary feeling of satisfaction at another's misfortune. That's humiliation. I would rather not live in this dimension at all than to live a life of humiliation. 

I'm determined to get some CW heroin. As soon as I get that, you won't be hearing from me any more. 

My reasons to move to another and better dimension are valid. 

Seeing beautiful women and never scoring is too painful and that's something I can sure live without. 

I'm ready to make the move to another and better dimension even if it's through self generated means. You don't believe me. Send me some China White heroin if you don't believe me. 

I thought you said something about 15 years ago. 15 years ago, 20 years ago, what's the difference? I f*cked up the last 20 years. What if the next 20 years is the same? I don't want to find out. I'm not a gambler. I'm moving to a better dimension as soon as I get some China white heroin. 

If I can't get it together, why even bother? I give up on life in this dimension. 

Determinism rather than fatalism. 

A life just chronically without sex is absolutely not worth living at all. Some people don't mind but I do mind. I must act according to my temperament because my temperament is my guide. 

Trust in God and lean not on your understanding. 

How's that working out for me? Not getting laid for 20 years and then I hear on the News the most lurid, unsavoury and unwanted stories. 

Unacceptable. Not interested. 

I'm moving to another dimension. 

Won't people be sad and miss you? What have they and what could they do for me? It's a useless scene full of flakey people with whom I have very little to nothing in common with. It's a grim set up. I'm literally and not figuratively better off dead. 

You don't believe I'm moving to another dimension. One day, hopefully soon, you will. 

I'm not afraid of the next dimension. I am afraid of a life of humiliation.