May 2025

Thursday, May 1, 2025 

This could be my last month living in this dimension if all goes according to plan. Not getting laid for years on end and thinking that it's supposed to be a new normal is unacceptable to me. 

When I was in Thailand, my luck with women was really good. Expats in Thailand do say luck with women in the average is way better in Thailand than it is in Canada. 

Nothing works anywhere. China, learn the lictographic semasiographic writing system uh no thanks. Thailand, no spaces between written words, onky between written sentences, I can't work with that. I don't want to work with that. Non starter. 

Life has given me all the signs that it would be better if I were to live in another and better dimension. 

They say to someone who wants to end their life in this dimension, but you'll go to hell. Ironically it's because the person is already in hell. 

I have decided that the only logical response to not getting laid or scoring with the really beautiful women is that I don't want life in this dimension at all.

A person's psychic state when they die is important. I reframe it otherwise it doesn't work. I am not committing suicide or ending my life or killing myself. I am moving to another dimension with a much better set of physics. Life has given me all the painful signs that I would perhaps be better off elsewhere. It's like that saying, the baseball player died because the baseball team in heaven needed another batter.

Heroin, etc is decriminalized in Canada just like in Portugal. Outdoor use in public spaces is illegal but using behind closed doors, decriminalization of 2.5 grams is legal. It would take less than one gram of China White heroin to facilitate my move to resume life in a better dimension.

Moving to another dimension is the only cogent salient response to not getting laid for 20 years and with no end in sight. Forget this. I don't need this. I don't want this.

If you hadn't gotten laid in 20 years and with no end in sight, wouldn't you want to move to another dimension as well? Life holds no promise for me. I have nothing that's worth living in this dimension for. I'm going to live in another dimension. 

I am so sure about this decision that this might be the last year of my life in this dimension. 

I know a junkie. Who doesn't? I'm surprised that you'd know just one. I'll ask him to score China White heroin for me and pay whatever it takes. I won't tell him about my plans to move to another dimension with a much smoother and more agreeable set of physics as that would make him an accessory if he knew about it and scored the heroin for me anyways. Best to not mention that. 

Think about it. 20 years. Day in, day out, week in week out, Month in month out, year in, year old, never get laid. While I look at others scoring with the most beautiful women. Blondes. Life has gotten to be unreasonably cruel to me and this is what. In return for the energy which I generate. I refuse to go on dealing with this dimension. No one can deal with this dimension. Well I couldn't, anyways. 

I wish there was a pharmaceutical store that sells alpha methylfentanyl aka China White, no questions asked. 

You probably don't believe me. I am 100% determined to do this. It's just a matter of time. This is my new purpose. I just don't want to bother anymore. 

Seeing the beautiful women walk past me when I work and remembering that I never score while others don't go a week without getting laid and me what. 15 years?! What a joke. 

This is why I am 100% determined to quit life in this dimension and to start life in another and much better dimension. I am devoting all my psychic energy and will to this as much as possible. 

If I had the works today, I would do it today. It's better to wait until evening when the energy is falling. Now, early in the morning, would be the worse time because the energy is rising. 

I would hold the syringe at a slanted angle so as to 'ride the vein'. Tie off first, don't miss the vein, but with enough China White heroin whether or not I miss, it will still do the job. 

Then, for the first time in this interdimensional existence, I will truly be happy. 

What if in the afterlife I saw that if I stayed in this dimension, I would have gotten laid massively. I would say, How the hell was I supposed to know that at the time? I was working in a dimension where I couldn't even read minds let alone see the future. Things are a lot different in the afterlife dimension. 

I was working with the information that I had. 

At the site of the car ramming incident in Vancouver, there are flowers and offerings. People may see an image in their imagination of the flowers to people who just evaporated and dissipated out of visible existence. 

I imagine a blue train with vertical blue painted wooden slats 1 foot wide floating in the air, just floating over near the memorial with all the flowers and there are many passengers who are those who left this dimension through the vector of that car incident, Audi Toht-i, in the windows waving and smiling. 

Was there malice aforethought involved? He didn't have to know they were from the Philippines. All he had to think was that he saw a crowd and drove into them, thinking, "Get out of my way!" 

If there was malice aforethought involved, he'll probably get Navalnyed in prison or Picktoned or else Epsteined slash Hernandezed. Will he get a prison lobotomy? 

Navalnyed - the guards do it

Picktoned - another prisoner does it 

Epsteined slash Hernandezed slash Sandersoned - does himself in

Odds makers in Vegas with a three month time span until wager ends, going from least likely to most likely, place a  11 - 7 - 4 - 2 odds on Survives - Navalnyed - Epsteined Hernandezed Sandersoned - Picktoned. 

I wrote it wrong yesterday. One just simply has to get it right or not at all. The meaning was there, but on the other hand it wasn't because the precise phraseology and mathematical expression was not. I have since rectified that as you can see. Yesterday I wrote 7 to 4 to 2 odds on Picktoned, Hernandezed, Navalnyed which was incorrect. 

However, the odds configuration would be different in other non-Western countries. Where the odds would be 11 - 7 - 4 - 2 on natural, Hernandezed, Picktoned, Navalnyed, respectively. 

I wrote - 1 odds but that's not how it works. - 1 odds means one gets paid back what they staked. No more no less. Why not deposit the money in the bank with at least 8% monthly compound interest? - 2 odds means a wager gets a 200% return on investment. 

Eleven killed all in one day.  Pickton, not even on a busy day did he do eleven people in in one day. 

A boxing match is announced a few months in advance. Odds maker will begin taking bets right away. 

On that train is where I want to be. I can't go on seeing beautiful women and then remembering that I never score. Ever. I'm a loser. I would rather be living in the afterlife dimension than living in this dimension as a complete and utter abject loser. 

"Without love, I am nothing." Tom Jones 

I completely agree. 

I would rather move to a better dimension where I can be something with a much much better set of physics than to live as a nothing in this dimension. 

I've come up with certain answers. These answers will help me when I finally get to the afterlife after my overdose on China White heroin. 

What would the reasons be that I don't get laid? I don't go to clubs but I heard of people who went to clubs for years and always leaves the disco alone. 

Whatever the reasons, how many reasons are involved, who cares? The end result is the same. Loserville. 

However you arrange the variables, the equation remains the same. This is the distributive principle of mathematics. 

However, whatever the reasons, the end result is the same. Me unlucky with women with no end in sight. I don't want this. At all. If I had China White heroin and a few syringes, keep doing mini shots until I do enough. Best to do it in just one or two shots. Too many shots would be ghastly and wretched. 

You don't believe me. Call my bluff. Send me some China White heroin and find out. 

I was going to ask someone at a Church for advice but that would be a tactical error. The person at Church is married. He gets it on regularly. There would be sympathy but there wouldn't be empathy. He doesn't know and I imagine wouldn't want to know what it's like to not get laid for 20 years. It's not something that I ever wanted to know. That's the clincher. That's the sign I'm looking for as ascent to look to resuming life in a dimension where the physics are much better. 

The psychic says, your friend or relative who ended their life here on Earth is at peace in the afterlife. A Christmas Carol, Bob Cratchitt sensed that Tiny Tim was at peace. 

We think of at peace as some wispy watered down version of that. 

No, they are at peace to a degree that is simply unimaginable to the people living in this dimension. I would rather be there than here. Every day, life for me is pain, anxiety, fear, worry and now the realization of so many lost years. Lost years to this level is cruel and unusual. Life in this dimension under its tawdry set of ohysics has been as @sshole to me so I will in turn be an @sshole to life in this dimension and its tawdry physics. I'm going to give life in this dimension the old heave ho. 

Better to live in a much better dimension than to be a complete loser in this dimension, I'm a loser. The thing is, what am I going to do about it? A China White heroin overdose is my ticket to ride. 

Sympathy - vicarious concern

Empathy - concern based on shared experience

My life is cursed. But not cursed enough. But not cursed to the point where I died years ago. What a backwater chickensh*t low grade curse. It's up to me to give myself the early reprieve that life should have but didn't. 

Remember even ten years ago, I was writing the that I was better off dead? It turns out I was right. Ten years of not getting laid confirms that. My intuition was telling me something. I should have ended my life in this dimension years ago. 

What about the answers I came up with? With my mind, I would have come up with these answers eventually in the afterlife. 

Psychics say that years later, after a child died at birth, in the afterlife, 20 years later, that spirit is an adult now. 

Another worry is that when someone who doesn't get laid for years ends their time in this dimension, people will wonder, Was that person actually gay? 

I'm not gay. I'm not even bi. 

I the afterlife, under its new elevated dynamic, I would think of the opinions of people still grappling with the elementary bullsh*t puerile physics of this dimension with more cavalier irrelevance than a PhD graduate would think of the opinions of students who are in pre-school which is the grade that is even before kindergarten. 

I owe it to myself to move to a better dimension. 

God is going to send me to hell because I wanted to avoid a dimension that to me was hell? Forget God and the devil. God is the devil. 

I'm like the German guy in Bone Tomahawk. He was a proud and vain man. He wouldn't live if life is below a certain standard. I'm like that. 

One of the Emperors of the Ming Dynasty made the decision to move to a better dimension when things in this dimension clearly isn't working. The decision to make a move to a better dimension is an aristocratic one. 

Life is like a VR app. If I'm feeling it, I purchase it. If I'm not feeling it, I uninstall and remove. I'd like to uninstall and remove my energy signature in this dimension. 

I am a loser. A chronic profound loser. 20 years of not getting laid is loser shit. I will not exist as a loser. I'm moving to another dimension as soon as I get some China White heroin, I'm still on this! 

Otherwise, what's the option, another few years in end of not gritting laid? Uh, no thanks. Women are so beautiful that not getting laid, like ever is very painful. Painful changes the dynamic of a life worth living to one that is simply not worth living. I wouldn't even want to attempt to try to live life like that. I have reached the ddcision. I am going to move to another dimension as soon as I get some China White heroin. 

I wish I could go today. Today would be as good a day as any. 

I am 1000% that is a thousand percent determined to do this. Otherwise, what's the option? Another loser year or a few of them strung together? No thanks. I am hell bent to move to another dimension. 

In my mind my bags are already packed. 

Loserness is a disease. I have that disease. It can be a terminal disease if I play my cards right. 

Philosophers have said it is impossible to fix a problem unless it is first identified and addressed. My problem is that I'm a loser. 

Loserness is like greatness in the way that  

"Some are born with greatness. Some achieve greatness while others have greatness thrust upon them." Shakespeare 

The same thing that is said of greatness can also be said of Loserness. 

The thing is, it would be one thing if I knew but I don't know why I'm a loser. Which if anything would register as an added incentive for me to move to another and better dimension. Damage done. 

I'm moving to another dimension. I must do it as soon as possible otherwise it's what, another loser year? No thanks. 

I want to get a hold of some China White heroin. It would have to be about $100 worth. A $100 investment is all it takes to move me to another dimension. 

An Emperor of the Ming Dynasty decided to move to another and better dimension when his life went completely pear shaped. If moving to another and better dimension is an option for the Chinese Imperial  aristocracy, that could be an option for me as well. 

Well, life going pear shaped wasn't a case of garden variety existential disenchantment, not to use names, his case was that the Imperial City was surrounded by enemy soldiers some of whom entered the compound, had already killed a few people and were looking for him! The Emperor knew he would have been tortured to give up passcodes, secrets, whatever. It was something in that level. 

I saw a meth head girl. I've talked to her before. Very beautiful. Hot. What a trap. She'll say bats it crazy things the whole time and play head games so as a result very little to no sex, women have always been assholes to me in that way. I've had experience with such women. Wretched. 

The ideal, the porno fantasy is one thing. The imperious bitchy reality is another. 

Like Bill Maher said, with some guys women will put out almost immediately. With other guys, talk, play head games and never put out. I don't care. It's just that if it's going to be like that, I'm not interested in being in this dimension. I have to move to a better dimension with a better set of physics. I don't trust women especially a meth head. She'll smoke meth and try to get me to smoke meth too eventually. Uh, really, no thanks. Otherwise smokingly beautiful. She'd probably be up for it. Again, tempestuous. No thanks. 

Life owes me nothing and I owe life nothing. Life doesn't owe it to me for anything, I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden, but likewise I never promised life I would stick around if I don't think it's worth my while to. 

Angels, God, others can only sympathize. They can't empathize of how painful it is to never get laid. Ever. I don't want this. If I knew my life was going to be like this, I should have done it twenty years ago. My life as it is, not getting laid for 20 years is life telling me that I should have moved to the other and next dimension 20 years ago. Read the signs. The Universe is always speaking to you. 

"I believe you'll do quite well

But only time will tell

If you got the bear 

Or the bear got you." 

Steely Dan

This could be a metaphor for life. Have you got life by the hair or has life gotten you by the hair? Life has gotten me. Only time will tell if the bear or the move to the other and better dimension actually happens via a China White heroin overdose gets me. 

It will probably be another few loser months before I get hold of any China White heroin. Hopefully it's not a few loser years before I'm able to score $100 China White heroin. I definitely don't want that! 

China White heroin or 3 - methylfentanyl was initially discovered in 1974. 

Ha ha, that's the same year that the RCMP first had female Police Officers. 

3 - methylfentanyl or else China White heroin is an analog of diacetyl morphine or else heroin. 

An analog is a chemical that closely resembles another chemical differing in one or more qualities. NH, NH2, N2H2 are analogs of one another. 

Meth beings in the class of drugs known as phenethylamines which is a dopamine antagonist. 

3 - methylfentanyl or China White is an opiate receptor antagonist. 

A Vice video on YouTube showed that dissolving black tar opium on a spoon with an aspirin acetlyizes the opium turning it into heroin. Acetylsalicylic acid is a blood thinner creating a lipidity factor of 2.3 VS morphine's 1.7. It is a scale that applies a certain logarithmic calibration similar to a seismographic scale so that means heroin is ten times as lipid as morphine. This what creates the flash as the heroin just slams from the vein to the brain. This knocks the user out. One doesn't truly fall asleep at that point, like with barbiturates, it is the CNS central nervous system being knocked out which would include involuntary functions like lung and heart function. In lesser cases it affects the ability to uh, rise to the occasion with a female. 

No female, not even a female Police Officer can understand the despair that a man could feel after 20 years of not getting laid. But that doesn't happen often. All my Chinese high school buddies, they told me they scored with the hottest White ladies. While I never get laid for years on end. Let's face it, I'm a loser. However I have an option and that's to quit life in this dimension and to move to another dimension. That's sh*t and it isn't something I want. Under the circumstances opting for moving to another dimension with a better smoother set of physics and resuming life there would be a more existentially tangible option. 

I don't think that a woman would feel depressed if she didn't get laid for 20 years. Men are ugly. And then the dynamic where they could get pregnant. That would be a real hassle for her. 

I don't understand at all a woman's attraction to men which is also why I haven't gotten laid. I never thought my life would turn out like this. I never wanted this. I should have moved to another dimension 20 years ago if I knew what was going to happen. I sensed it years ago that things weren't going to go well and perhaps I'd be better off in the afterlife. I didn't follow through on that and lived to regret it. 

Life - minus - getting laid regularly = nothing. 

I'm a fucking loser. Not getting laid for 20 years means that I have 20 years of loser memories that I have to carry around like luggage. You can see why it is crucial for me to end my life with a heroin overdose. China White heroin aka fentanyl used to be hard to find. There was heroin where junkies often complained that it sometimes wasn't strong enough. There are no more complaints now. China White fentanyl is rather ubiquitous now. 

Every day, for the rest of my life, I am going to try to score enough fentanyl to precipitate a move to a better dimension. 

Sigh. I went and spoke with a few beautiful ladies at a place. They convinced me to go on living in this dimension which I will. 

This months meta quest new VR releases are unusable except for Pavlov Shack. There is an offline zombie segment but it isn't better than Arizona Sunshine. No way. 

All the rest, Dimio, Something About Something, Something Or Other, those apps weren't that great. 

I am not a loser. Ironically, there is a tradition that being single for years was seen as honorable for a man that he saved himself for his future bride. That's something that could work for me. Not getting laid for 15 years would be seen as a commendable trait appealing to women of a higher class rather than the opposite, the guy going to brothel after brothel, weekend after weekend after weekend, that doesn't make him appealing to a woman of the upper class at all. 

Man meets her fam. At the dinner table. 

"What do you do with your time?" 

"I've been going to brothels every weekend for the last 15 years, getting laid."

"We all must do our part to contribute. And you want to marry our daughter? What universe are you from?" 

Today's values are to score like in Hollywood movies VS the old tradition of saving yourself for someone special, which culture, traditional or modern has twisted values? The answer to that is, yeah! 

It was my British expat friend in Thailand who said, "You're a loser, yeah?" That guy is a barfly. Drunk all the time, like 14 beers in one sitting drunk. Massive. 

It was the ladies at the medical centre that I visited wjo told me that I am indeed not a loser. 

Who's opinion am I going to prefer? The drunken expat who sits on a barstools all day or sober University education ladies in the medical industry who are obviously more upscale than a drunken expat. 

 Friday, May 2, 2025

From the movie The Accountant, rewritten

Father: The world is not a sensory friendly place. He needs to be normal. 

Psychiatrist: Define normal. 

Father: Like me. 

Psychiatrist: Again, define normal. 

I thought it was a CGI animation but a wedding cake actually has moving dancing robotic gummy bears. 

Punk someone who told you that they're on acid, £sd now. 

Tell them to wait a minute, and then set up the wedding cake. The person sees the cake while tripping balls and says, 

"The gummy bears on the cake are moving! They're dancing!" 

"I don't see anything moving. You see the gummy bears dancing on the wedding cake? We got to get you an achievement award for that." 

Today I cleaned an area at the Courthouse. I wanted to make it look really good. 

My monkey brain makes me imagine that lawyers, etc personnel at the Courthouse would walk out of the Courthouse and see the grounds swept very clean and might think, for a second, the street is swept very clean because the forces that be knows what a great job I did in the Courtroom today. The trial was a total coup! 

The work that the Court does is very valuable and I don't mind being the member of the public that steps up to sweep the grounds of the Courthouse. 

Did the suspect in the car ramming incident mean to do what he did or was he hypnotized or was it an accident? Witness accounts were thst the car was going so fast that it appeared to be a blur. Really? Driving that fast through a thick crowded swath of people? Very disturbing. 

The stories are heartbreaking. A man lost his parents and sister all at once. 

Kelsey Grammer, Fraser, his mother was murdered and he witnessed his sister's murder. Satanic or what? I wonder how he keeps it together. And I thought I had problems. 

I got the movie Deadpool part 3 on sale. I already have the other Deadpool movies. In the second movie, Vanessa says,  "Youre heart's not in the right place."  Deadpool wanted to kill himself and tried on multiple occasions each occasion being one that would certainly do a normal person in. But Deadpool made a deal with Thanatos and there is a comic of Deadpool still walking around in the year three thousand, a thousand years later which makes Buck Rogers 500 year trip seem like a short haul flight. 

Deadpool saw that he still had friends who needed him back on Earth. 

Even if worst comes to absolute worst that I am so damned retarded, remember me and Beebs were like two retarded peas I a retarded pod, that I never get laid again, life is about learning. There is VR, there is electric skateboards, there are pussy shaped vibrators where all I have to do is to add my own lube close my eyes and hope I won't be able to tell the difference. Rub on the PS vibrator some gorgonzola cheese, 3 day old clam chowder and a spritz of Chanel number 5 to add authencitiy. 

"That's pretty much the way it's going to be. It's not going to freshen up anytime." Ghostbusters 

The idea is to get a few of these yonic vibrstors of different colors and hair colors of the pubes so I can taste the rainbow. 

I never thought I'd ever learn to ride a skateboard let alone to get an electric skateboard but I have a few nice skateboards. I never thought I'd ever get VR goggles. I thought I might but that was a slight possibility at best. 

I wouldn't be surprised if I not only meet a woman who is better than I think but better than I could have imagined which is on another level. Heather was someone who was better than I imagined. 

We all want that. However it is tinged with the physics of this dimension on a road that followed far enough leads to old age and death and emotionally devastating clinical grief on the part of one parter. 

Don't say a prayer for my death. Say a prayer that I can find a girlfriend one day and just like my approach to working for the Courthouse, I am not just asking what she could do for me, but also what I can do for her. 

I would treat her like a Princess. Any time, whenever something is to be divvied, without question,  "The good one goes to the lady."  She would have the last word on most things I mean unless the situation was ridiculous and knowing women. Well, a woman can do a real number on you! Heather drove me to bear karoshi which is death from work related burnout. At one point my clinical exhaustion was so bad that it felt like a steam iron in my stomach and boulders rolling around in my brain simultaneously. That would be quality in a standard OPQRST medical exam. 

Onset, Provocative Palliative, Quality, Radiating, Strength 1 - 10, Timing 

When did you start to notice something wrong? What makes it better, what makes it worse, whatever it is, stop doing what makes it worse.  Describe what the symptoms feel like, and how painful would you say it is on a scale of one to ten, and when it waxes and wanes, how long each time? 

Saturday, May 3, 2025 

Reviews say that the movie The Amateur is slow except for a couple of minutes which was spectacular but not like Mission Impossible spectacular. Rami Malek portrayed Freddy Mercury in the Queen movie. 

The movie is a reboot of the 1983 movie with the same name and more or less the same plot. White color needy guy. Wife killed. So he turns into a vigilante deing out justice his way which is completely extra judicial. 

Any movie is actually a lot better with popcorn and butter and you can rake the popcorn home for later. Once in awhile, a small piece of popcorn husk sticks in between the teeth or somewhere weird somewhere in a fold of tissue on the upper part of the mouth or the palette. Rare. 

I also get something to drink. Orange Crush has vitamin C which is good for the body. 

Well. It was initially reported that 9 were killed in the car ramming incident. Then that was updated to 11. Final results still pending. As of now. 

From memory, 

Ecclesiastes 9:11

"I have returned and saw under the sun that 

The race does not always go to the swift 

Nor the battle to the strong 

Nor bread to the wise 

Nor riches to men of understanding 

Nor favor to men of skill 

But time and chance come to them all."

This means that as sure as shinola, you will see people who are not as smart as you do better than you financially and who are more lucky with women which is quite exquisitely painful. So painful that inevitably one would convince themself to give up on life and most likely would unless female intervention occurs. Women have a mysterious and intense power on me. However even if you went through a long dry spell of years and years, and years, what can I say? Every dog has his day. 

Saturday, May 3, 2025

When I was cleaning out some weeds the other day, these were the pernicious rhubarbs that grew on a flowerpot near the bar, I found two single serving one ounce bottles of firebrand cinnamon whiskey. The height of these so called rhubarb were about two feet high. These weed plants are no longer there at all. 

Last night and this morning, I made a Tia Maria which is coffee with booze. There are a few coffees with booze, Spanish coffee, Irish coffee, B - 52 bomber. 

My two varieties was I had one cup with coffee and milk and sugar with firebrsnd whiskey. Then coffee and sugar and firebrsnd whiskey using 1/3 to 1/2 ounce of whiskey each. 

There is an under eye roller that is supposed to get rid of bags under the eyes which costs $42 plus tax. I'm sceptical that it works but stores wouldn't sell it and make such a claim if it didn't work. 

I am also wondering about retinol. Does it work for men as well? It makes the face look younger. Or its supposed to. 

These things cost money. 

I tried the Ghostbusters Mini Puft game. Not feeling it at all. 

It was about catching mini pufts floating in the air. Easy. Reach out, touch one while pressing the trigger button on the joystick paddle controller. Then like Angry Birds, align the mini Puft which acts as a stone ammunition for the slingshot. 

I mixed reality, the roof of whatever room the user is in opens and a very large gargantuan stay Puft marshmallow appears. Shoot the slingshot at the huge Leviathan. 

There's something about catching bombs that fall with parachutes and use that too but I didn't even bother. As soon as I missed a few of the parachutes completely I had given up and uninstalled. 

The ladies at the medical clinic. They're words are very precious and valuable. I am not a closer. I would respect their opinion over my own. 

I was really going to do move to the next dimension with a fentanyl overdose. Seeing others with the most beautiful women while I'm  never with one is just too painful. I don't even want to try to live a life like that. Had I not talked to those ladies, I had already convinced myself that I had an easy fix to emerge from the situation a winner and with my Honor intact and that was to commit to the military principle of death before dishonor in bushido. 

I don't know that if I still haven't found luck and love with women in a few years that I won't renew my intention to not live at all rather than to live like that. It's very painful. 

Like politics, no prospective relationship is as good or as bad as it first appears. 

"The course of true love never did run smooth." Shakespeare 

A man has a porno based delusion of complete concupiscient desire on the part of the woman complete with the tumescent p*nis and the dilated vergina or verginas.  A woman has a chick flick based delusion of completely voluntary financial and effort based servitude. Either is equally delusional. 

With catastrophes like global pandemics which thankfully occurs only once a century, and with thoughts of being alone, one tends to paint an overly negative lclicture. 

With possible relationships, one tends to paint an overly positive rosy picture. 

Again, either is equally delusional. 

My relationship success with women has been completely abysmal. However I wouldn't trade the years I was with Beebs for any other lady. Beebs was like a sister and a pet and a lover but a certain skill set that would have normally been present was absent. 

With sweetness, when she left me, I wept for an entire week. That is a kind of success. I imagine some people never felt enough for any woman to weep for her st all let alone for an entire week. 

I hope to be able to score with young hookers like old Mireck in the porn movies. I'm obsessed with that vision of life and if I don't get that, if I saw into a crystal ball that for 100% sure, I'd never score with any hot women in the future, I would be completely willing to make a move to the afterlife because I wouldn't be interested in living life under such a sordid, undesirable and unenviable dynamic. Women mean all to me even the will to live or not to be. 

No one can know the future. 

What a difference a day makes. 

"God has the power to make up for lost time." Pastor Joel Osteen

It's not guaranteed that I'll score with beautiful women ever again, in that case I won't want to live at all. There is also no guarantee that I won't score, since that is the case, life is completely worth living for the chance to score with quite a few beautiful women. 

Or to meet even one really beautiful and special woman. 

Without love I am nothing. Without beautiful women in the future and scoring then the deal is completely off when it comes to my willingness to live. I would opt to move into the afterlife employing the method of a fentanyl aka China White heroin overdose. 

With China White, you don't even have to cook it. I've tried it in the past. It's very smooth, smoother than heroin. Smoother than dilaudid which I also shot up. On two occasions. 

The first time I shot dilaudid, I had to go to a conference later that evening at the Granville Hotel in Vancouver about getting a TOEFL, TESL, teaching English as a foreign language, teaching English as a second language certificate. What exquisite timing. 

The instructor mentioned teaching English in Thailand which I had already done, just without a TOEFL certificate. The instructor also mentioned something about drug trafficking and heroin in Southeast Asia which while being on dilaudid was an edgy moment for me while being st the conference, for sure. 

There is a restaurant near the aviation museum which is a Chinese restaurant although most items available there are Western. The wonton soup is the only Chinese item on the menu. 

I was thinking of going there but I am on a budget. Sidney has a beautiful vibe. The wonton soup is about $15. 

I was thinking of going there. I am really getting over thoughts that I am a loser. If I'm a closer how could I or anyone else visit Sidney British Columbia as a loser? That would be unacceptable to the residents of Sidney BC. 

To more or less quote someone named Arthur on the Simpsons when he said to Maege:

"Don't tell anyone about what didn't happen between us because the results of that could devastate the entire town." 

"All of Europe shall hear about this."  Barry Lyndon 

To all cases, the answer is no. 

No, Sidney BC simply doesn't care if you're a loser or not. If anything, they will disabuse you of the notion through convincing you that you are not a closer. That the mind operates in some kind of vestigial primeval drive that registers food, survival and even uh, relationships. Like aan animal, the mind thinks that if it can't find a mate that might be because it is ill and in an altruistic move will remove itself from the tribe. I thought that since I am unlucky with the really beautiful young women, young meaning over 20 or over, there must be something wrong with me so why not be a lone lemming and jump off a cliff so to speak. That is the animal logic that the primeval R complex of the brain which very powerful operates on and it will tell itself stories. Stories, fortune telling in an attempt at sheer physical survival and other phsyicsl drives. 

Never scoring with the really beautiful women isn't a normal or a new normal that I could or would ever accept. Scoring with beautiful women means more to me than even life itself. That sounds desperate but the reality is the thought of not ever scoring again with women is terrifying and not something that I would want to do. If I see any evidence that I won't be lucky ever again, I would still give the idea of a heroin overdose another thought but not before talking to some people beforehand. 

No one in Springfield, whatever State, cares about the casual date between Arthur and young Marge Simpson. 

Barry Lyndon was referring to a small bag of coins. No, not even on a bad day would 'all of Europe' care about a small bag of coins. 

I'm a lot more talented than most. Yet a lot more unkuckier with women than most. That's very painful. So painful that I've completely given up on the will to live. I fit the definition of a loser on an empirical and on an objective level. To never score with a really beautiful woman? Not even once? Ever? Never? That's too painful to me and is more painful than the idea of dying of a heroin overdose. 

I have a sense of honour. I would rather not live than to live as a loser. 

If I had the China White heroin if I'm still a loser for too much longer I would do it. 

How much fentanyl would it take? About $50. 

Being a loser is a disease. I have to first admit to having the disease as humiliating as it is and then to find a foolproof way to treat that disease. 

If I'm still a loser for too many years longer, I see nothing wrong with just quitting life altogether. I would rather be dead in this world and alive in the afterlife than to be a loser in this world. 

I was getting ready to do it a couple of days ago. I was at Shoppers and was thinking of getting a safety syringe. I thought that I'll get other things first and then it slipped my mind. Me talking with the ladies helped me. It will help for awhile but if I am still a loser years later, one loser year after another, then I'm going to quit life. It's my life to do with or not as I please. 

You think I'm bluffing. Why don't you get me the heroin and see whether I'm bluffing or not? 

Suicide often causes others to commit suicide whom, the suicide person would know in the afterlife, wouldn't have done it if that person hadn't have done it. Often when celebrities do themself in, a few others do as well. That is a disincentive to suicide. If not that, the suicide always always always underestimates the effect they had on others and how many people were actually thinking well of them and to what degree. 

So I have to go on living, but to go on living as a closer isn't something that I'm sure I could do. It's certainly something that I don't want to do. 

If I were to do myself in, that would inflict a wave of incalculable grief to whatever degree and general all around bad mojo for the neighbourhood that was otherwise completely preventable. I couldn't do that. So I have to as the Japanese say, endure the undendurable and get ready for the possibility of being a loser for life which would be the absolute worst outcome. 

Sunday, May 4, 2025 

Its never to late to start going to clubs. I'm thinking of going to nightclubs. However, I have to make sure to have enough money. Cover charge is about $20 - $30. Then drinks are about $10 each with tax and tip. 

Lots of beautiful ladies. One doesn't have to step onto the dance floor with a partner to dance. It's not like the old days. Just go on the floor, do your moves and a few women will gravitate. The most beautiful women. Smokingly beautiful. I've really missed out over the last fewwhat, decades? However I'm willing to give it a try. Old people show up at night clubs. A person doesn't always have to be young. 

This is a new day and age. There is no touching without consent. One wouldn't want to get busted for anything untoward. Other than that, hopefully there will be dance songs that I like. I don't know what music to expect. Rap music? That's not too danceable. Heavy metal music? Not danceable although there are metal clubs where they slam dance. Jazz, some songs are more danceable than others. Jazz songs are relaxing and can elevate a calm mood but listening to jazz while working sounds syrupy and lethargic and it slows down my pace of work. Yesterday I got rid of a lot of jazz songs on my mp3 player. 

What if there's a real good song and you don't know the title? 

Ha ha, I can imagine conversations that go, "I heard a really great song at a night club years ago but don't know the name of the song or artist." "Don't you just hate that?" 

Along with my depression about not having gotten laid for 20 years, and thinking of ending it as the honourable thing to do, I went to Sidney BC. I spent some time at the beach then I went to see The Amateur. The movie was more of an intellectual thriller than a fighting and fisticuffs movie. 

I tried going to the Dakota Cafe at the airport but it seems like it is closed or not open today. I'll go again next time. 

I still have the good vibes of Sidney BC which is very over powering. I still can't get over the thought that I'm a loser and don't really want to go on living under such auspices. 

I'm not sure that I have the strength to go on living if it is to go on living as a loser. I certainly don't have the will to go on living as a loser. My Chinese friends I went to high school with scored with the most beautiful women. Since I haven't or else forgot sbotlut the times I did which is just as bad, I feel like I don't want to live and would give a heroin overdose a try. Either way it's a gamble. Overdose and find out what the afterlife is like or else go on living possible as a loser for life. Uh, no thanks. That's a non starter. 

I'm going to talk to a few people about this and to ask their opinion. 

I don't see anything wrong with me opting to quit life altogether with a fentanyl overdose rather than to go through life as a loser. I'd rather not live life than to live life as a loser. 

I got Mars and Christmas mini golf courses at Wlakabout Miki Golf VR. All the other levels didn't interest me. 

The Mars level really made me feel like I was in a dome in a colony on Mars. The question is, compared to what previous experience? 

I'm thinking of getting the dinosaur level. 

Narada Michael Walden

Take It To The Boss Man 

A good song for Sidney BC. Sidney heavenly vibes. 

I got another opinion. A very skilled computer tech like Babu Frik of Star Wars. May the 4th be with you. And with me. 

The computer tech said that I'm not a loser. 

Thoughts that I was a loser cut into my trip to Sidney. That town could have psychics. The best psychics don't go on YouTube, The very best work for the Courts and the government and have for centuries. 

There is a radio show in which a psychic is the host. 

When I was at the theatre, a younger couple sat in the row behind me and an older couple sat in the row in front of me. 

Today I skateboarded past the Courthouse and the Police station in Sidney BC. The Courthouse there was a lot smaller than I thought it would be. The Police Station was large and more modern looking than I thought it would be. I first saw the Police Station on Google maps street view and that is how I knew where it was. I didn't think it was there. Up until a week and a half ago, I thought the Police station was up near the airport or near Swartz Bay. 

I had a dream where I was in a museum. I saw a large glassed in exhibit which some wooden drawers done in old style but it looked shiny new, and an old fashioned wooden spinning wheel and a Russian guard wearing an old red Russian military uniform. This guard had all black hair and a black mustache and was younger than me. 

The I turned to my left. Walking down the hallway, there was a wall and a row of doors to my left and a window with 4 partioned panes to my right. Walking towards me was an old Russian guard older than me. He had white hair and a long white beard. He was wearing a light blue old style Russian military uniform. In old historical videos of Russia's Tsar Nicholas, a tall old guard with a long white beard is sometimes seen. 

From where I was standing, there was a door behind the guard about 7 meters away. When he was walking towards me it was at about 4 to 3 metres in front of me. The hallway was about two and a half metres wide. 

A metre is exactly three feet. Why is three feet called a metre? The old Imperial system. Rather than kilograms and centimetres, stones and hands are used for weights and heights of horses. A centimeter is exactly one one hundredth of three feet or a metre. 

The younger couple behind me and the older couple in front of me could be an omen for me that I will find another girlfriend one day as much as I disbelieve it. 

And it also reminded me of the Russian guard dream so they could be the Police or connected with the Police. But it's good. They probably know that I work sweeping the grounds of the Court house in Victoria and I donate to the Sidney RCMP, a good donation, amount undisclosed, for the charity. 

Probably a psychic read my mind. Psychic forces sent those two couples to sit near me at the theatre to reassure me that as sure as ahinola, Canada and this island has a very providing energy throughout the land and magic in Canada will help me to find a girlfriend again. The magic of Canada likes me otherwise I wouldn't have seen so many good signs. A few ladies gave me a second and third look when I was walking around. They've given me a second look like thsy are interested. 

The drunken British expat who said, "You're a loser. Yeah?" He also said something very curious. He said that quite a few women have probably pleasured themselves thinking about me. I find that difficult to believe and kind of alien. Women are attracted to men. There is a magnetism. 

A dream I had of George Michael. He was as in a kitchen giving women and open house tour. He was wearing a drak blue shirt that looked like the shirt he wore on the cover of Wham! Make It Big except on the album, the shirt was white. It sort of looks similar to the shirt that Han Solo wore in Return of the Jedi. He was also wearing a dark blue Greek sailors hat that he did wear. That hat has a lanyard rope around it. The crowd of women were leaning forward, and like a very wispy mirage, there was a wave of attraction from the women to George Michael. They were attracted to him. That's George Michael teaching me that women are attracted to me, don't worry about it, even though I don't understand it. 

It's projection. I think men are unappealing so I think that women think men are unappealing as well. I was and perhaps still am under the impression that because women are so beautiful, that women pleasure themselves thinking about other women only begrudgingly agreeing to be with men for sake of at least the continuation if not advancement of the species. That's retardation, do you understand? 

Me and Beebs were like two retarded peas in a retarded pod. 

My father wore a very similar if not the same sailors hat in a dream where I saw him as a teenager in profile his left side facing me. His nose was young, with the baby fat and hadn't yet thinned down to its bare calcified self with age like all of our noses do. 

I the dream he suddenly like with a snap of the fingers but faster, changed into the all green uniform of a soldier and he was running around a building with a machine gun. There is so much I don't know about my father's past. Was he in the jungles fighting the Pathet Lao? He lived in the right time period and he was the right age then to have been enlisted. Wow. Don't ever lose that imagination. 

I seen quite a few beautiful women today. I was at the bus stop and I saw a couple. The woman was wearing a Jean jacket and a beautiful country style dress. She was gorgeous. I felt the loser feelings of never scoring. "So painful." I thought. I felt a dark wave of energy stab throughout my entire guts like one long sharp knife going all the way through my guts. Then I saw another really beautiful lady. She was wearing a red and white strap top and short jeans shorts. So hot so beautiful. 

An option I have is to move back to Vancouver. I was luckier with women in Vancouver. I don't know why I stayed here for as long as I have. 

If I'm still unlucky with women in Vancouver, well Vancouver has more and cheaper and better quality China White heroin. However ironically, most of the junkies there would completely talk me out of ending my life. They too would say that I'm not a loser. They're more spiritual than me or else more together than me in a lot of ways. As you now, I have always thought that of them. 

Dakota Cafe. Sunday open 8 am - 3pm. 

The movie I saw starts at 2 pm and is a two hour and seven minute movie. It takes over half an hour to get there using an electric skateboard. 

Guess what when I got there after seeing the movie, it was closed. But the Sidney vibes are wonderful. 

Encountering that restaurant even closed was like encountering heaven. The vibes. I couldn't describe it. 

But when I went there and left, I was under the impression, my mind painted a picture that it was never there. That there isn't a restaurant there even though a pilot told me where the restaurant is. But when I walked there, it was closed. 

Pilot. The restaurant is right next to The BC Flying Club. 

I won't fight it. Even though I have the most negative thoughts imaginable, thinking of ending my lower life, the positive good vibes of Sidney overpower me. This island is very beautiful. Traveling from Sidney to Victoria has an epic raving feel. The nice clinical smell that can't be described that emanates from the air con vents on buses adds to and enhances the heavenly experience of traveling to Sidney BC. 

I hope to love there one day. It used to be so easy to travel from town to town in Canada. Rooming houses were plentiful and cheap. The traditional plan was live in a rooming house, get a good paying construction job, meet a gorgeous woman, then eventually move into something more upscale than a bachelor's rooming house. 

Now with the housing crisis and expensive housing, living in Sidney is impossible. When it's more expensive to live in a smaller town than the town I live in, I don't want to live in such a world. I really don't. I'd rather not, actually. Is this a Wolrd worth living in under such conditions? 

Sidney. The good vibes are profound. They hit me. Others would go there and feel nothing. I feel heaven. 

My intent to quit life altogether is still there as much as ever. I am a massive chronic loser. A guy who never ever scores with the really beautiful women is a loser. I don't want to live if it's as a loser. If I had the China White heroin with me tonight, I'd do it looking back on 20 years of loser years. I would rather live no years on Earth than to live loser years. I am 100% determined to not live as a loser. If I knew my life was going to be this pathetic, I'd have done myself in years ago. As you know I thought of it. People talked me out of it and look what happened. Loser years. If I had the heroin or if I ever get the heroin I will do it. The afterlife seems a lot better than life as a massive chronic loser. 

$50 of fentanyl is enough to overdose. I should do a last dying speedball. A Royal speedball. Just heroin would be better. 

I would rather get laid lots and die at 30 than to live to 100 and never get laid. That's how much it means to me. Living or dying. It means more to me than life itself. 

"We have gone on a great many adventures. But into the great unknown. I go first, Indy." Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

I am ready to pack my bags and to go into the great unknown which is better than the known which is 20 years of loserness. Some things are worse than death. 

"I want life but I also want Yi. If I can not have Yi then I don't want life. Therefore there are some things which I want more than life and some things which I fear more than death."  Confucius 

Yi means thriving or to thrive, not just to survive. The word for business in Chinese is sung Yi. Sung means to germinate or to give birth to. Germinate, perpetuate thriving. 

As a closer I am merely surviving. I am not thriving. I definitely don't have Yi in my life therefore I don't want life. Can you understand that? 

I hope that I can be able to salvage my honour through going through with a heroin overdose. 

I'd rather live a short life as a winner than to live a long life as a loser. 

I'd rather live a short life as a loser than to live aomg life as a loser. 

God: I am tendering my Notice. As soon as I get some fentanyl, I'm outta here. 

Dead mother and loser years. I never wanted that. What's more painful is my work on the internet, even my cartoons weren't enough to get me laid. F*king wow and not in a good way. The situation is profoundly pathetic. Bad energy. I'm going to separate myself from the bad energy that is my life with a heroin overdose. 

Cutting things short in this dimension is a crime but God putting a person in a life where they are a chronic loser is also a crime. 

Faces of Death. A man hits the wrong town, doesn't get laid or even a blowj for 20 years. Chronic massive loser. He decides to end his life with a fentanyl oversose. That would be me. I have judged myself to be a loser in an empirical and objective level. I'"m quitting life. I am excited to move to a better place. I will have then stepped into a different frame of reference going from I am a loser to I was a loser. And wouldn't that be great. 

The pain of being a loser is so great that the afterlife is the only place possible for my soul to heal. I am Chinese. I see other Chinese guys with the most beautiful White girls. Meanwhile I never score and I'm a loser. That's enough to make me want to quit life. I don't want this anymore. 

It is often along racial lines. A Black man who sees other Blcak guys score the most beautiful White girls meanwhile he's alone. I don't know if that person wants to quit life. It depends on individual temperament. One must follow their temperament. 

Eventually, given enough time, I imagine that I will score enough fentanyl to quit life altogether. Abort this loser project. My life aka Project Loser. Uh, no thanks. 

My mother didn't abort me. Now 55 years later I'll have to abort myself with a fentanyl overdose. That's a long time to wait between abortions. I'm merely doing what she should have done 55 years ago. 

I'm still sweeping the grounds of the Courthouse until I find some heroin. As soon as I find enough heroin, I guess I won't be anymore. 

I don't know if anyone at the Courthouse could blame me. I don't imagine that a single one of them are losers. I'm thinking that they would think,  "We don't blame you. If we were a chronic closer like you who somehow just never seems to score, like ever then we'd probably think of quitting life as well. We don't know what that's like, to be such a loser, because we're on a different level. We pull down seven figures a year in a lot of cases." 

Not being a loser means more to me than life itself. 

Before my upcoming imminent death, tonight I tried Meow Wolf on Walkabout Mini Golf. Meow Wolf. I never heard of it. Katie Green is the manager of Meow Wolf. 

Reviews unanimously say that experiencing Meow Wolf is like being on some strange hallucinogenic drug. I agree. 

I saw a video about the actual Meow Wolf. On the video, I saw a Chinese guy with a beautiful White lady which reminded how much of a loser I am. It's now hitting hard. I felt that like a mallet to my stomach. I don't want to live in such pain. I would much more opt for death. 

I am 100% convinced that my decision is the right decision. 

I will finally be healed in the afterlife. 

Although Meow Wolf costs all of $5, a cheap hit, on VR, Meow Wold is a display in many US cities and the admission price is $68 US to enter. F*ck me, that's pricey! Too rich for my blood. If I was West End, Shaughnessy Heights, then I could afford it. 

Alas, there is no Meow Wolf in Canada. There will be a Meow Wolf in China before there is one in Canada, darn. The way things are in the World just like there are way more Michelin restaurants in China than there are in Canada. 

Question is, could I afford to go if it was in Canada? $68 US is more than the admission price at the Vancouver Aquarium let alone the Malahat Skywalk. 

I can see it for free on YouTube. 

Meow Wolf is very girlie in its overall aesthetic. It's a hallucinogenic drug trip for sure, but it's a girl's hallucinogenic drug trip. A guys drug trip would be more about swords and blades and Valhalla and battles and martial prowess with lots of dark gothic colors tempered with the Victorian nostalgic glow of orange light from candles and from old fashioned glass lanterns made with coke bottle bottom glass. And lots of gorgeous women. So gorgeous that if I never score with beautiful women like that, it would make me think of quitting life altogether, why bother? 

This name. That name. Whatever. In high school my Chinese friend told me that he got it on with a really hot White girl who was in some of the classes we shared. We all have heard such stories. I don't have such stories. I'm a f*cking loser. That's why I want to overdose on China White heroin. 

That's the way of the hero. Better to be dead than to be a loser is the proud honorable heroic way. I must salvage my honour with a heroin overdose. 

If you don't believe me, get me some heroin. Then you'll find out whether or not I'm bluffing. 

Monday, May 5, 2025 

A spiritual authority and an intellectual authority are two different things. 

The characters of the Bible are spiritual authorities. But they didn't know about things we take for granted like atoms, germ theory, Maxwell's equation, DNA and calculus. How can you look up to people who didn't know calculus as intellectual authorities? 

The Internet said that the afterlife is a place of healing where spirits are healed from the physical and emotional burdens from their life on Earth. It is likened to taking off one after another many layers of heavy clothing that you have been wearing. 

A person had an NDE and they met their true soul, the one unencumbered with any mental issues. 

I once saw my own soul. My face had no Botox wrinkles above my right eyebrow like now. I was wearing a black bavy jacket and I was levigsting sharply and highly going up ip up up. That was me seeing my true soul. 

That was after the fuschia sky and soft white clouds and seeing horses run across a river noting that the horses looked 8K to the 360p of life on this Earth. 

When I came back from that dream, I listed a few matching details from the dream, it's a tohtally matched set. The spirit world knows this and psychics can confirm this. 

When I came back it felt as if every nerve ending in my body was slid along sandpaler. You know the prickly pins and needles of the foot falling asleep after sitting on it because some blood flow has been temporarily halted from that area. It felt like that through my whole body. Of course, my heart must have stopped for five seconds and then I came back. Heart stopping creates a temporary blood stoppage like the foot falling asleep except its all over the body. That's what I felt. And I was also aware that it was back to the aches and pains even the tiny aches and pains that didn't register before my death experience. Also in that dream was running quickly down several flights of wooden stairs in a stairwell made of wood. The stairs all ran clockwise except one which ran counterclockwise. It was very fast. That counterclockwise is a spirit symbol that I had then entered the afterlife. Understood? Which is why I saw the fuschalia sky soon after. Well, after running down the stairs, I saw a kitchen which had a door. I knew that if I opened the door, I'd see something major. The dream was already then at that point more vivid than usual dreams. When I opened the door was when I saw the fuschia colored sky and the soft white cumulus clouds. 

You see, I would prefer this over living life as a loser. Do you understand? 

My father certainly wasn't a loser like I am. There was never a year in his life that he never got laid. Let alone, what. For years on end? For more than an entire decade like me? That's loser shit. I won't have it. For me, I have always been very proud. I am too proud to live as a loser. I would rather die and win than to live and lose. 

The level of loserness I would rate myself as is on the level of profound. I have standards. It's reached a point where I have no choice but to salvage my honour the Japanese way and that is to cut my time short in this plane of loser existence. I am 100% intending to do it as soon as I get a hold of some China White heroin. 

"He who kills the beast within gets rid of the pain of being a man." Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas 

Either I score with beautiful women or else I'm a loser. That's my religion. That's the hill that I'm going to die on. I'd be willing to give up my life for that. Either be a winner and not a loser or else die. I stay with what I know. I don't know how to be a winner or to score with women but I do know how to get to the afterlife. 

One day I'm going to get some heroin. 

A EVP about suicide on YouTube:

When asked about suicide, spirits replied:

"It teaches a crime, that. Tell them! The course of a man's life runs to the end." 

However other YouTube comments say, 

"That performer is criminally under rated."

The forces of life have criminally done me dirty. I wound up as a chronic loser. 

So either way it's a crime. There are crimes and there are crimes. Which is this going to be? 

Either the criminally designated existence of loserdom or act of self liberation through chemical means. I'm opting for the latter. 

As soon as I get some heroin, I'm going to do it. 

I'm a loser and I'd rather not exist at all on this Earth than to exist on it as a loser. 

I don't believe people when they tell me I'm not a loser. I'm 100% a loser. If not 100% then enough of a percent. I'm giving up on life altogether. 

Just know that if I had the heroin, I would do it. 

Final score:

Me - 1, Loser life - 0

Then I would then no longer be a loser. 

Ending my life if it is as a loser makes sense from a certain point of view. 

"You will find that many of the truths that we cling to depend on a certain point of view." Empire Strikes Back 

I won't do it. I'll stay alive. But this is more about the power of the beauty of women over me than it is about a genuine desire to end life in this dimension for life in another dimension. Women mean all to me. 

Meow Wolf mini golf course is even more mind blowing than St Andrews Old Links in Scotland. Most amazing golf experience. I didn't know about it even when I went to Sidney BC yesterday. You never know what's around the corner. And in a good way! 

I was looking forward to eating at the Chinese restaurant near The Flying Club. I am a World War One pilot. In VR only. 

The problem is, I'm Chinese and the Battles of Ypres, The Somne, Passchendale, The Marne, The naval Battle of Jutland*, etc weren't exactly known for any Chinese presence. So that sets up a sort of a rscial-historical non-sequitor. 

The British Isles had indigenous local tribes when the Romans got there such as Celts, Picts, Jutes. The naval Battle of Jutland wa named after the Jutes. 

If Trump invades Greenland militarily, we will see another naval Battle of Jutland type situation. 

I won't end my life. I've remembered my pledge to donate to the Police charity every year for life and I'll try to do that for as long as I can. The donating sets up a lattice of good karma that could change my life for the better although the definition of better is purely subjective. 

Walkabout Mini Golf. Easy - daytime setting. Hard - night time setting. 

Daytime is difficult enough. What's hard setting? Get a hole in one in every hole or you lose? I got a few holes in one, lots of birdies, a few eagles, but let's face it, some holes were rigged in the user's favour to win. Even a retard could get some of these. 

Walkabout Mini Golf has a Nintendo 64 style compositing instead of the painterly Crimen VR or the quasi photorealistic Golf 5. 

There is a free walkaround where a person can explore the golf courses.

12. Voyage to the Center of the Earth. Like 80 Days and 20,000 Leagelues, this is another Jules Verne based theme. 'I really felt like I was at the center of the Earth.' Of course never having actually been there before, I don't know what that statement is based on. 

11. Atlantis. Undersea lost Greco city. Plato wrote about Atlantis. Radar is finding all kinds of cities underground and underwater as well. Hundreds of not thousands of cities! Was Atlantis technologically advanced? Yeah, it was so technologically advanced. That's why it's at the bottom of the ocean now. Smh. 

10. Alfheim. Rivendell from Lord of the Rings. "Not lightly do the leaves of Loth-lorien fall." Legolas 

9. Holiday Hideaway. Christmas. In a loving room from Gulliver Travels except in Brobdingnag where Gulliver was tiny and all things around him were gargantuan. 

8. Shangri-La. Chinese. There is a real Shangri-La. It's a large building that is a home to lots and lots of residents. Probably Buddhist Priests. It looks like a 2 star hotel. That's the essence of the mystery, a 2 star hotel. 3 Dog Night, Shangri-La. 

7. Widow's Walkabout. Complete Addams Family production values and they are able to do this without ripping off The AF even a little. Halloween vibes for sure. 

6. Cherry Blossom. Japanese. Puzzling Places has a puzzle based on Cherry Blossom from Walkabout Mini golf. 

5. Mount Olympus. Ancient Greece. Very beautiful. 

4. Mars Gardens. It like I was on Mars however this is not something compared with any previous experience on Mars. 

3. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. I really felt like I was on board the Nautilus as part of the crew of Captain Nemo. Intense. 

2. Meow Wolf. A psychedelic journey with a mainly feminine aesthetic and production values. Surpasses all previous imagination. 

1. Around the World in 80 Days. One can ride blimps, visit fine Parisian restaurants or as fine as could be in Nintendo 64 style compositing. Sigh. One can ride air trams and see a bird's eye view of Paris. 

Today I removed some weeds at the Library. There was a crazy lady there just ranting. Yelling something about Vancouver terrorists and the Victoria Police and at one point, she said, "You're sunk." 

Then I went to clean the area of a building which has an art deco look. The building has always reminded me of a mental hospital. I don't think it is though, but it sure looks like one. I cleaned the base of a wall that faces the street. Then a princely thing to do would be to remove all the weeds not only from the flower pots but from the entire area which I did I also scratched off a lot of red colored moss. Why is it red? Is it the result of some kind of moss disease? Is it rust? Only metal rusts. Not plants. 

I removed moss from the wall of St Anne's Academy. 

Then I swept the West area of the Courthouse grounds. 

I had to do this work to make up for a few Walkabout Mini Golf DLCs I got. I could only afford a few. I got Meow Wolf. Even though it's really a girl's acid trip. Cat's @ss. 

It's very artful. I like it. It's kind of like walking into a bottle of potpourri. 

The closest to Meow Wolf in my town is Artcade which is somewhere downtown. 

Artcade has a lot of hands on interactive displays which would be good in VR. It's an eclectic mix of artifacts from different eras from the past. 

I'm working again tomorrow. I am in some kind of existential pain as you may well know, but I will find the strength to go on. I saw quite a few beautiful ladies today. Quite a few. Smokingly beautiful. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2025 

The News said that the ship The Queen of Sidney burned in some not so elaborate crude fire insurance scam and it would cost in the 8 figures to repair. 

8 figures is ten million dollars, minimum. Put it in the bank, one can live off the interest alone with the principal remaining. 

If I had ten million dollars, I would be like the Simpsons and coat myself in gold. What about gold leaf? Its a lot cheaper. Even a few layers wouldn't cost that much. 

I'd walk downtown and eventually meet a rich lady and she'd say to me, 

"I read in the newspapers that you have ten million dollars and you coated yourself in several layers of gold leaf. I have way more than ten million dollars, amount undisclosed, but you don't see me coating myself in gold leaf. Talk about a legend in your own mind."

A human has about 75% insect DNA. Humans also have reptile DNA. If a person coated themself with several layers of gold leaf, they'd be dead. The skin or the epidermis breathes as well just like as insect. 

Seeing the way my life turned out, I wish my mother had aborted me. She died shortly after I was born so as it seems, she was walking out the door. She could have done me the courtesy of taking me along. 

Someone on Pinball VR said that they were a completionist and thus bought all the DLCs. 

I couldn't afford to get all the DLCs on Walkabout Mini Golf. 

El Dorado. Myst. Laser Lair. Ice World. Gardens of Babylon. Elvis Vegas. 

These DLCs didn't seem that interesting or look as good as the first tier DLCs. 

If I had the heroin, I'd be extremely tempted to do it. Otherwise how many more loser summers? How many more loser years? There is no end in sight to the loseness for me. This looks like it's going to be another loser summer. 

"You'll spend summer at the cells in the Sollicciano." Hannibal

Looks like another summer in my cell aka rooming house room for me. If I had enough China White heroin, I'd probably do it given the alternative which is to live a loser life. I wouldn't even want to attempt to try to do that. See how beautiful the women are? Lots of people score. If I can't get it together and I haven't been able to for years despite my best efforts or perhaps I just hit the wrong town and like in some Mondo movie voice narration in Fsces of Death, 

"He hit the wrong town. Now he has made the decision to end it all. A lonely flap of paper holding enough China White heroin to end his life sits on the table. After a few hours of thinking about his chronic bad luck in life, he decides to do the fateful act that will send him to the next world." 

There are no good options. 

Vancouver. Has tent cities. Regression to some former whatever bullsh*t. 

China. Has futuristic cities. Extreme language learning curve. Not interested. 

England. More island living. Great. Too expensive. 

Lack of any options makes me think of quitting life altogether. 

Being a loser puts me in a position of need. 

"There is no evil like the face of total need." William Burroughs 

At this point, I'd be willing to take my chances in the afterlife given the alternative. 

I wish this was a world where China White heroin was sold legally in stores OTC with no questions asked. 

Death before dishonor. 

Every dsrk tunnel has a ray of hope 

So don't inject yourself with the celibate dope. 

Bust A Move

The jihad that Islam refers to is a war within one's own self with one's own moral compass or lack of it. 

"You see, within every man there is a battle. Good VS evil. Right VS wrong. And the good side does not always win. Sometimes the dark side overtakes what Lincoln called the better angels of our nature." Apocalypse Now

I don't know which side will win. Go on living or else take my chances with the afterlife over living life on Earth with God knows how many more loser summers, how many more loser years. If I had enough China White heroin, all bets are off as to whether or not I'll do it. I'm very tempted to do it. Being a loser is very painful. 

If I thought that I'd die as a loser and that's it, that would be sad. 

I would die as a loser here on Earth but I would then emerge as a winner in the afterlife. I'm walking out of this entire thing winning. 

The Bible refers to Satan as the enemy. Satan at his worst would tell a person to end their life because it's hopeless. But when one ends their life, they would then be in the afterlife and for the first time be truly free and happy and healed. So is he really that much of an enemy? 

He told me to commit suicide in my 30s. I should have. But didn't. And lived to see, what. 15, 20 years of never getting laid? Not even a blowj? Do you know how painful that is? Seeing women around who are so beautiful but never scoring, like ever. 

In that way, Satan would have been a friend to me. I would rather be dead than to live life as a chronic perpetual loser. The classic standard textbook loser.

"I'm a loser baby, So why don't you kill me?" Beck

"I'm a loser, and I'm not what I appear to be." The Beatles

I should have listened to the enemy 20 years ago. I'm a major loser. A majorly loser. And I don't want to even live life in this dimension. The loser dimension. 

I would be willing to give the afterlife a chance. I haven't heard any advice to convince me otherwise. I hit the wrong town and now I have to take the next step. If I had the heroin, I would most likely do it. Otherwise what. Another closer year? Or a few of them strung on end? Uh, no thanks. I am hell bent to get out. Even after doing the cartoons wasn't enough to get me laid in this town. The situation is impossible and maddening. 

The only alien solution is for me to just refuse to even bother any longer. Let me tell you. If I had the heroin, and was sure that would be the foolproof lethal amount, I would do it. My life is ruined. Damage done. 

Life owed me nothing and I owe life nothing. 

This will never go away. I will always walk around thinking this. It's reached the point where I must quit. I've lost face. I can't present myself in public at the Lbrary, at the Church because even the people who work there get laid more than me which wouldn't be difficult since I don't get laid at all. It's st the point where I'm not interested in living anymore. I hope I'm able to score some China White heroin. Otherwise it's another loser summer. Or yet another loser year. I'd much rather be dead. 

You probably don't believe me. 

Even me having Royal dreams hasn't seemed to be able to change the fact that I'm a loser. That's confirmation that I should end my life. That's life giving me a sign. 

Sun Tzu, The Art of War. When the enemy advances, retreat. When the enemy retreats, advance. 

When my life is good, I go on living. If my life is year after year, decade after decade of just sheer loser sh*t, I have to roll my sleeves and do what's necessary. If I had the heroin I'll do it. One day I'll score enough heroin to do it. 

I'm still determined to do it given the alternative. What. More loser years? Uh, no thanks. No f*cking thanks. Not interested. Non-starter. 

Wrong thinking: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. 

Right thinking: If at first you don't succeed, try try again, and then give up. No use wasting time. Play stupid games. Win stupid prizes. 

Wrong thinking: Anything worth doing is worth doing right. 

Right thinking: Anything that is too difficult isn't worth doing at all. 

Difficult is one thing. Impossible is another. This is why I'm going to move to and resume life in another and better dimension with the help of a heroin overdose. 

God should understand that chronic loserness and on a profound level can cause a man to end life. I don't think I'd be the first case He's seen. 

Psychics say that suicides make it to heaven and are finally at peace. They express regrets but there is no escaping that. Even those who loved a full life and died a natural death, when psychics contact them, don't they too have regrets? 

I would rather not be alive on Earth at all than to be alive as a loser. To be a loser is worse than death. 

"I want life and I want Yi. I want both but if I can't have Yi then I don't want life. Therefore it can be said that there are some things which I want more than life and some things which I fear more than death." Confucius 

The golf course of loserness which has been my life just hasn't worked out. 

"The corn was just too thick, girl." Deadpool 3 

Whatever the reason for the loserness be it chronologically or alphabetically, the result is the same and that is loserness for me. 

Irene Adler: "Why are you so suspicious?" 

Sherlock Holmes: "chronologically or alphabetically?" 

Sherlock Holmes 

"However you arrange the variables, the equation remains the same." Stephen King 

Whatever and however many the reasons that led up to it, the result is still the same, major loserness is cruel and unusual punishment. I refuse to have any part of it. 

I'm going to try my luck at the 19th hole. 

"Hey! I got something to say! It's better to burn out than to fade away." Def Leppard

I've always been a Cool Guy. I have standards for my self and for my life. My life has registered to me as empirically substandard. I'm cool enough to follow the code of Bushido. Life without Honor is worse than death. Life as a chronic loser is worse than death. I don't want it at all. 

"There's always tomorrow." Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Sure. That's what I've been saying for what. Twenty years? Forget it. 

I'm giving up. 

There are no options. I live in a backwater. Other futuristic non-baxkwater places require learning different languages and that's too tawdry and dilettente for me. 

If I had some heroin, at this point, I'd eventually do it. I want that more than anything in the world. 20 years of loser sh*t memories. Epic fail. Damage done. 

20 years? What. For 20 years? Uh, no thanks. 

Giving up on life altogether with a heroin overdose > epic fail. 

Death before dishonour. 

Most disturbingly, outside the Glory Hotel between Powell and Cordova Streets and Carrall in Vancouver an 88 year old man was stabbed and killed. 

The News said it was linked to organized crime. 

88 years old. Was he a Mafia Don? But there were the expected accoutrements of a homeless meth head strewn about the street. He was a Mafia Don who was also a homeless meth head running a vast criminal empire complete with pay-offs to the Police  from his lodgings behind a dumpster in an alley where he sleeps. 

More likely he was an ex Mafia Don now profoundly disenfranchised to the point of destitution homeless on the streets and hitting the stem. He was killed because he had too much information. Kind of like how the Max von Sydow character in The Good Shepherd was killed. He was former head of the OSS and had a lot of information that the then current powers didn't want released. 

I talked about how the person was a Mafia Don, I read enough novels or seen enough movies. Well, I haven't read that many novels in the last few years. Just like I haven't gotten laid in the last few years. I'm thinking of giving up on life. 

Then I saw on television an ad. Milani Plumbing. Warm Days Ahead. 

That's a good sign. I'm sure people at Milani Plumbing know a lot about Mafia Dons. 

Trump implemented a tariff on foreign movies made outside the States including Canada which would cancel out Hollywood North tax credits. 

That's because Trumps life is a movie. Michael Douglas and Annette Benning, The American President. 

Trumps life is a B-movie with him being the creature in the B-movie. 

I'll give it a few more years. If things don't improve, then I'll give up. 

I'm a loser. Life as a loser is worthless to me. I would rather not live than to live as a loser. 

I would really rather not go through life as a loser. If I were to move into another dimension that way I know for sure that I avoided a loser future. I would rather be dead and not find out whether or not my future was loser rather than to live and see and find out for sure that it is. That's terrifying to me. I don't want it. I'd rather be dead. But for some reason, that's wrong. Why is it wrong to not want to live rather than to live as a loser? Being a loser is painful. It hurts. 

I just want it to stop hurting. That's why I want to end my life with a massive heroin overdose. 

I think that people can understand that I would rather be dead than to go on living as a loser. If I had the heroin, I still would eventually do it. It's all I can think about. 

If I had tincture of opium, I would drink it. One dies falling into a deep sleep while the involuntary functioning of the lungs and the heart forget to work. Usually it takes less than 20 minutes to die the smoothest death imaginable. One falls asleep and their lips and body turn blue. I should have done it years ago seeing where my life went or rather where it didn't go. Please understand my decision. 

A lot of you would be operating from a place of sympathy and not empathy. You probably get laid with a gorgeous lady or a few gorgeous ladies. For me to not have that at all, and be unlucky. I don't want to live anymore. If I had the China White heroin, I would do it. 

Elvis Vegas on WMG is absolutely spectacular. More spectacular than I thought. 

Wallace and Gromit, I get to experience visiting a British neighbourhood. Old fashioned row style flats. Quite a few British movies have the but I can't remember the movies. 

Otherwise my mind is being pleasantly blown even if something else of mine isn't. On 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, just on whim, I decided to go into the Captains chair. The image is utterly spectral and ethereal and is like a steampunk lucid fever dream from the 1800s. Another submarine looking massively spectacular like some phantasm from some undersea Astragard. It connects with the submarine I am on and the side door opens and I step onto the adjoining submarine. Unreal. 

The annoying stylized Nintendo 64 style compositing is made up for in terms of elaborate intricacy of form. I think it runs at 100 frames a sdcond because I am able to get on to the most wonderful moving vehicles and be able to turn my head at any time with no disruption or slow down or blurring. How did they do that? It's magic from some wondrous cosmic future realm known as silicon valley and whatever electronics sweatshops outsourced to make the VR goggles. I think meta quest 3 VR goggles are made in China. To avoid Trump tariffs they will now be made in India. Or will they? Either way, the product will be just as good. East Indians are very smart people and also very spiritual people. They're more together than I am especially at my current state. 

It seems to me that staying alive is a kind of knuckling under when overdosing on heroin to escape a loser life would be the rock star way of avoiding a life of epic fail and possibly incel. The cool guy would prefer death to being an incel and I'm a cool guy. 

Insel means island in German. I currently live on a island. An incel living on and living off of an insel adds yet another etymologicsl layer to the overall insufferability of my current situation. 

Vancouver Island is heavenly. As the years go on, the heavenly vibes of Sidney BC get stronger. My negative feelings of myself weren't so strong thst they overpowered the good vibes from Sidney BC. It was the other way around. Even thinking about it now while writing this. Sidney BC has heavenly vibes. 

A person who is in a certain state of mind can say that about any place in the world especially if they know the area. The subconscious memories of a place build up over time adding to the nostalgic memories. 

Despite my profound state of loser Ness, Victoria BC has a warm nostalgic glow. Victoria is on another level from Sidney BC because Victoria has Craigdarroch Castle and the Empress Hotel, The Leg Buildings, and the Royal Museum. 

I would believe it if I was told that not only is Craigdarroch Castle one of the 100 best buildings in the World, it is one of the 100 best buildings in World history. 

The architect of Craigdarroch Castle was Frank Lloyd Wright. No it wasn't. Therein lies the joke. The styles couldn't be more diametrically opposite. Frank Lloyd Wright was minimalist gothic. Francis Rattenbury and Warner Heywood Williams were maximalist baroque. 

The architect is Francis Rattenbury. FR was the architect of the Leg Buildings and the Empress Hotel and CC looks kind of Rattenburyesque. Large foundation stones, old school Scottish style, like St Andrews Links Old Course old school Scottish style. I could be wrong. I'm 95% sure that FR was the architect unless Robert Dunsmuir who was the owner and resident was also the architect. He wouldn't be the last famous person in Victoria BC to design their own house. The House of All Sorts on Simcoe street was built from blueprints that Emily Carr herself did. She was a really smart lady. She never got married but in her writings she never talked about ending her life with a heroin overdose because of that. Ever. She was more together than I am in that way. 

For a second I imagine that Emily Carr is in my room with me. Standing at the door. A vital energy from the old times. A woman who didn't have big screen TV's and VR goggles. Strong, young, wearing dark colored old style clothes but very strict and particular when it comes to discipline as an artist. She said of someone that he'd be a better artist if he didn't talk so much. "More painting and less talking would make him a better artist." 

Warner Heywood Williams was the architect of Craigdarroch Castle. So there goes the Emily Car comparison. 

I might give it a shot. What if it's another 20 years of loser years? That's 40 years of loser years. 40 years of not getting laid. The way things are going it could turn to that. No thanks. I wouldn't even want to attempt to try that. I'd much rather give up and move on to the afterlife with a heroin overdose. It's getting to me. I never wanted this. Life is a nightmare. If I had the heroin, I would follow my temperament and do it. I'm a loser. An ocel. An epic fail. I hit the wrong town. I'd sooner be dead. Death before dishonour. 

Life owes me nothing and I owe life nothing. 

"I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden." old song

I beg your pardon. I never promised you that I would bother. 

I wouldn't bother with living. Life seems to be a table slanted against me. It's a no brainer. That's a non starter. Ending my life with a heroin overdose rather than to be a loser is the rock star thing to do. I would walk out of this a winner having salvaged my honour. 

If I had the heroin, I would do it. Acting on what I've seen or rather what I haven't seen for 20 years, even the one 20 years ago wasn't a babe. She was kind of ugly and not very good and given the alternative, what, another how many years of being a loser I have decided to end it. My case is a profound one. It's like I'm the elephant man of loserness. I'm a massive loser. I'm going to get a syringe. Then I'm going to City Hall to score enough China White heroin and I'm going to move to another dimension. No words or no humans can talk me out of this. No words can undo 20 years of not getting laid. I see women, they are so beautiful and then I remind myself that I never get that. Ever. From one year to another. I give up. I capitulate. I don't want to go through life in pain all the time. Some of my friends in the downtown eastside have overdosed on heroin. I would prefer that to a loser life. I am a loser. 

I wish that I could order fentanyl online. I wish it was legal. 

A better solution would be sodium pentobarbital followed with potassium cyanide. Timed injections. First the sodium thiopenthal to knock one out comoletely then five minutes later, potassium cyanide to stop the heart. Death occurs in seven and a half minutes at most. That's the chemicals used at the hospital for MAID. I might ask the hospital to euthanize me. Once I explain my situation, they would completely understand. Not getting laid for 20 years or more would be horrifying to them. I'm sure they would fix me up right away. Hopefully they would if they had any real empathy and not just sympathy. Given enough time, I might pursue this option. 

I have quite a few enemies. They are delighted that I'm suffering. They have complete schadenfreude about the situation. They would be even more delighted after I'm dead. But then so would I so the feeling would be mutual. 

I'm leaving. I'm going away. I'm moving to a better place. I'm finally going to leave this loser life. If all goes well according to plan. I would like to go to another and better dimension. My pain will finally end. This is an act of self compassion. 

Being a loser is unacceptable. I've always been a loser my whole life. I never scored with the really beautiful ladies with the hourglass figures except in Thailand or perhaps I forgot which is just as useless. What's the use of getting laid if you forget it completely? 

The women I scored with were all right but not major babies like a lot of my Chinese friends from high school have scored with. 

Being a loser isn't something that I can accept. Fortunately I have a fool proof plan and that's to just give up on life altogether. Nothing else in the world or in my life means anything to me. I'm willing to throw it all away. Why not? Why not throw away a loser life? 

I'm not going to end my life in this hotel. That would be irresponsible. I'm going to ride my electric skateboard to the forest and do it there. I'd take my electric skateboard with me on my last day. I want more than anything else in the world to be dead rather than to be alive as a loser. And I am a loser. That's a fact. I can do something about it. I can win again in the afterlife. I will have the last laugh then. 

I believe that my Chinese friends from high school, if they were as much of a loser as me with women, they'd end their life too. To be a loser is to lose face. To an Oriental, that's completely unacceptable. I know that about them. It's a cool code that we had. Death before dishonour. 

Some forms of heroin require lemon juice to dissolve it. 

When life gives you lemons, do heroin. 

My whole life is fucked from my mother dying to me not onky never getting married but for being a loser basically all my life. I would be willing to rectify that f*ck up with a heroin overdose. 

I am currently unable to talk anyone out of suicide even if I wanted to. 

Buddha had a story about someone who asked him how to stop eating a certain food. Buddha said to return in three days. Why? The Buddha said because he himself had not stopped eating the food. 

I couldn't advise someone against it. All I would say is that you will in the long run eventually act according to your true temperament. 

I sure wouldn't advise someone to do it. This prescription of a massive China White overdose I would only prescribe exclusively for myself. Don't be like me. Don't make my mistake. Don't be a loser in life. Do anything. Move to a country where the women are more friendlier. However given that the critical faculty is what it is, they see you as a waking ATM. Given lack of much in common language wise, it's mainly a money deal. They are in many cases already hooked up with someone. It's a strangely liberal society. 

Quite a few countries, not just one are like that. 

Whatever it takes right? As long as you can get two naked twenty year olds in bed. Otherwise life simply isn't worth living for. 

I'd be willing to walk out of life. I don't think that I ever got it on with two girls at once. The loserness is at that level. That's why I'm more than willing to quit life altogether. 

I'm sure that most guys think the way that I do. 

I wish that God had killed me years ago. Now it's up to me to do it. 

Death or life as a life long loser. Which is worse? Really. 

Fentanyl is 50 times stronger than heroin so 1/50th of a gram is a minimum lethal dosage since 1 gram of heroin is the minimum lethal dosage. 

The belief that I am a loser with 20 or more years of loser memories is as Pastor Joel Osteen said, a stronghold in my mind. That stronghold will never be broken until I cross the afterlife. 

I am not sad. I am happy that I might get a chance to travel to another better dimension where I will finally be healed from all this pain. 

If I had the heroin tonight. I would do it tonight. I would rate my intention to quit life at a 10/10. All it takes is to remember all the really beautiful women I've seen over the last couple of decades and how I never scored with even one of them. That would be enough to do it. I want to do it. Fall asleep. Bliss. Never wake up to yet another loser day ever again. Ever. That's worth a heroin overdose. 

Life is like chess. The opposing side offers an opposing move of 20 years of loserness. I have to respond with a defense. I have to respond with another move. My move of defense is to give up on life completely. 

I'm going to uninstall my life like uninstalling a bad app. 

My apartment has become a hospice. 

Wednesday, May 7, 2025 

I would do it and then what if these feelings were to be amplified in the afterlife? What if, I would ask myself, I were to live another 20 years and had a chance to score with some mind blowingly beautiful women? A few times in life is better than no times even if you've never scored with the really beautiful women. 

Another part of me would ask, but what if turns out that you live another 20 years and in all that time won't ever score with any of the really beautiful women? Then it's a stitch in time saves nine. 20 loser years is the lesser of the two evils and is preferable to possblobly 40 loser years and the chances are moderate to strong of that happening. That's why I'd rather give up on life. 

I would be sent to a realm in the afterlife where there are only suicides. 

I would meet some people and say, "You committed suicide for that reason? That's completely f*cking trivial compared to why I did it. And you had a Mercedes and a Porsche in the garage? You had all that money and couldn't get it together? You are completely useless. I mean, I was on welfare. I had a better reason to do it."

That person would respond, "Quoting Paul McCartney, "It doesn't matter what path you take. Any road will get you there.""

I would meet others and say," That's about the same as why I did it and I don't blame you. As you can see, I did it myself because of that reason."

Whlle with others I meet, I would say, "Holy smokes! That makes the reason why I did it seem completely trivial. I totally don't blame you for doing it. The only question is why you didn't do it sooner." 

That person in turn would say to me, "You did it for that reason? How completely f*cking trivial! What were you, brain dead?!" 

I would say,  "The talk to the person I talked with five minutes ago who's reason I found to be completely trivial compared to mine and tell me what you think. I mean my reason blows his out of the water."

Endless vicious cycles of such conversations for me, the suicidal, to look forward to. 

At that point, on the minus side, any chance that I would have of seeing Heather would be completely gone, my feelings of loserness disenfranchisement would be grestly magnified. Can't win for losing, I guess. I might see images of the good times that I was certainly guaranteed to have with the most smokingly hot women had I stayed around. I would then say, "How was I supposed to know that with the information that I had then?" 

But on the plus side, no more fear of physical death hanging over me. A new set of physics including teleportation. Never having to eat or sleep ever again. Even in that timeless dimension,I ear time still kind of registers in a big way, so eventually enough time, eons perhaps, would pass and I would eventually forget whatever drove me to the other side but I would still then be enjoying the rarefied and better and strange ethereal physics of the afterlife. 

If I were to reflect on all the gorgeous women I have missed out on and will miss out on, that's going on a sour note. I have to focus on the better set of physics. Never having to worry about physical death ever again. Teleporting. Nor having to eat or sleep. The increased palette of primary colors. 

I would still have my answers. Time is an algorithm, a dynamic as time travel is objective time. But the ghost of good old linear time will always be there just as time travel is a ghost in this dimension. 

Time isn't a ghost. Whether it be the linear time dynamic or the time travel dynamic, time is the current that carries ghosts along. All things even inanimate objects have ghosts or a spirit which the Japanese call kamei. Even an android robot if enough people had enough of an attachment, it could appear in the dreams and in the afterlife just like furniture. 

Linear time is like a river that carries things along from point A to point B along a 2 dimensional axis. Time travel is like some crazy body of water with all kinds of whirlpools and waterfalls and geysers ushering whatever things that fall into their watery grasp along to different levels of elevation above sea level. 

And I would have the instant download in less than a second as another answer. The afterlife is also a download, a singularity but with more data. This dimension is a singularity download from a certain paradigm with a certain amount of data. The afteife is also a singularity download but from a more advanced paradigm. And with a lot more data. This was depicted in a Larval Morrisseau painting. He painted a world with animals, people etc surrounding it. He said in an interview about the painting. "Peolle see the painting and think," That's different." but this painting shows the reality that the spirit world that surrounds the world is a lot larger than the world." The spirit world has more data. 

Loser years. the dead mother, the talent and effort but with no reward and the answers I've come up with and shared with the world. I could have not shared it. Anyways, I have earned the right to an early reprieve. I'll have to give myself the early reprieve. 

It struck me a few days ago. 20 years. Loser years. 

Paint your town sh*t. 

Paint your life loser. 

In life, I lose. In death, I win. 

Find lost golf balls in WMG. I found quite a few. This unlocks the night time level which looks better. Smurfs Village looks better at night. 

This is a backwater town. Backwater towns look better during the day. They don't look that interesting at night. Kinda prosaic really. 

Rock Star cities like Vancouver, Shenzhen, Chongqing, look better and spectacular at night. Vancouver isn't just a rock star city. That city has heavenly vibes. 

All golf courses have the night time option but onky if you find lost golf balls which you can use. 

On the Christmas level, I found all 18 golf balls each decorated with different Christmas designs that it gave me massive Christmas feelings registering at about a 10/10. It's that good. 

I'm like an expat excited to move to a better place. Don't think of the BS you left behind. Think of the wonders of the new place. 

I try not to think of the smokingly beautiful women I'm not getting. I think of the better and more wonderful physics of the afterlife. I could have a chance to see Heather again. I would tell her about the issues that drove me to make that fateful decision. 

Suicide is an irrational solution. 

My problem is an irrational problem. Irrational problems require irrational solutions. 

But suicide strikes me as a rational solution. 

I don't call it suicide. I call it self authorized and self implemented interdimensional relocation. Just like my awful sex life was self authorized and self implemented. It's a pathetic situation really. I never wanted this for myself. 

Had I known things would be like this, I would have ended it years ago. Why didn't I? 

Since God won't do it, I'll have to do it myself. 

On the News, Canadian Ambassador McKenna said that Canada could annex Alaska. He thought it was a good idea. It would be a terrible idea. 

Alaska is the buffer between Canada and Russia. 

Otherwise it would be Canada toe to toe with the Russkies. Uh, no thanks. We'd be dead. United States has the military oomph to give Russia a run for its money. Canada, not so much. 

"Bring a Police Officer with you. If something happens to him, they would investigate his death a lot more than the death of an ordinary person." from a dream

Since Alaska is a US State, any Russian incursion would elicit a response time of less than 24 hours for troops to be fully mobilized. If Alaska was a Canadian Province, it would take the States a week to deliberate over logistics before responding and at that time, the threat could just blow over. 

Across the Bering Strait, they play a kind of brinksmanship. Colleagues from different departments working at the same job. 

Just as if two companies that sell similar products were across the shores of one another. They would esch send a boat there to leave gifts. 

Sprouht interviewed a 105 year old. That person said life begins at 55 so for those who think that their life is over at 55. 

55 is the new 20. But would that mean a 20s that includes greying hair and half my teeth gone? A semi edentulous 20s. That would be a Hollywood thrillride Universal studios Live at Buddhicom. 

I tried to look for my friend at the cafe. She said that she shows up there sometimes. She wasn't there. It reminds me of the novel The Midnight Express. The main character was supposed to meet a belly dancer at a hashish coffee shop. She didn't show up which he took to be a bad omen. Oliver Stone left this part out of the movie. 

But that would only apply to people who are attempting to smuggle drugs as was the main plotline of the movie. 

"Negata Chen cheren?!" Borat

Against animal cruelty?!

Yes. The forces that be and the authorities will actually try to talk someone out of ending their existence in this dimension. I have to defer to their authority. I have no choice. I have to go on living which is the right thing to do. 

I dance but I imagine that the dancing will extend to my existence in the afterlife where it will be like a Tron future world. I'm not going there any time soon. Not that I know. 

Being a loser is difficult. However a lot of guys took vows of celibacy because they are monks and they aren't nearly as bothered about any otherwise lack of physical contact with women. 

I hope I can see that lady again. Having a lady to talk with regularly is nice. She does gives me moments where I feel a strong nostalgic glow and euphoria. Other times some of the things she says makes me think she is a bag lady. Just friendship. I won't make any moves towards her although she is doable. Quite doable. 

However, to smooth things over, I'll just say, "I would just like friendship. Your words are valuable and you are a great lady. Besides you're not my type and I doubt that I'm your type." Lady Karen. I should instead devote my energy to Karen for her in my own way. 

Love not fear or abandonment is the answer. 

I saw the Police this morning. They somehow got a wind of my sordid intention. I have to demonstrate that I have abandoned this course of action and do it to a military level otherwise I would eventually get hauled in to the medical psychiatric infirmary. 

I must drop this, as the British say. Just drop it. 

Back away from that idea. 

Live. Life. Love. 

With all its sometimes lurid and sometimes wonderful and enchanting possibilities. 

Seeing the Police saved my life. I must live to donate to the charity where better treatments can be found for The Disease. There won't ever be a cure because the whole thing is a cash cow anyways. No cures, just less chemically invasive forms of treatment than platinum analogs. 

There are about 100 forms of the disease. As time goes on, treatments will be found for more and more of these epidemiological morphologies and otherwise malignant neoplasms. Scary. 

Cortisol, I would say is my biggest fear. Me and everybody else. 

Today is the Conclavio. Beavis and Butthesd, cornholio. 

During the Carney-Trump meeting, Trump didn't once refer to PM Mark Carney as Governor Carney. Strange. That's because Carney is actually a Governor and twice over. Governor of the Bank of Canada and Governor of the Bank of Canada. Once Bank of Canada always Bank of Canada especially at that level. So Carney no doubt is still on the Board of Directors. 

While Trump refered to PM quite a few times as Governor Trudeau and Trudeau isn't officially listed as a Governor of any kind. 

This is something that is happening on several levels. 

1. Call Trudeau a Governor all the time, be careful what you wish for. You want a Governor? You got a Governor! Now President Trump has a real Governor on his hands. Deal with that. 

2. It's kind of like Orwellian doublespeak. Calling someone a Governor who is not in fact a Governor is a barb, a smear, a dig, an undermining while not calling someone Governor who is actually a Governor is a barb, a smear, a dig, an undermining, not giving credit where credit is due. That's Trump fer ya. 

3. Trump having old man's wisdom as he is older than either PM Trudeau or PM Carney, when Trump called Trudeau Governor, it was dealt as casual offhand banter which could have at the time even been dismissed as clumsy, but it was actually something deeper. 

I hesitate to tell this story. I was going to see a lady named Sofie. I'm a loser so of course nothing ever happened in that relationship. Who cares? She'd be an old lady in her 50s. 

As I was on my way to see her, my father said to me,  "You are going to do something soft."  The word soft phonetically sounds like Sofie. It was an example of old person casual offhand banter which might have seemed clumsy but is something that hints at perhaps a deeper knowing. I say old person because old man, old woman, either are equally capable of such prescient quips. 

A proviso. Who's to say I didn't meet more than one lady with that name? There are lots of Nationalities. Native, White, Korean, Chinese, girls from all those Nationalities have some chance of being given the name Sofie. So I doxxed no one. And wouldn't want to. And there are a few ways to spell that name as well, kind of like with Shakspear. 

It was a prescient statement from an erudite old man who even then saw what was coming down the pike. Even during the time of Trump's inauguration after which he started calling PM Trudeau a Governor, Trump saw that Carney was posturing, throwing his hat in the ring, telegraphing his moves in terms of political aspirations and objective. Ha! Trump had already read the Canadian tea leaves. Trump knew it was no contest between a Governor of the Bank of Canada and Governor of the Bank of UK and local yokel Pierre Poilievre who is a very good politician who would have had way better chances against anyone in lse because everyone in Canada was pissed off at PM Trudeau who had the lowest ratings ever in the polls.**  

Once Carney entered the picture, Poilievre knew that his chances were sunk*. It was as if Trump was obliquely saying to PM Trudeau,  "Don't worry. Your Governor man is going to win the next election in your country." 

*"Flieger sinkt undt flamen!" World War One Airplane VR 

Airplane is sinking and and in flames!

"Uberz hier!" WW1 Airplanes VR

Over here! 

The most bizarre thing is that it's happening on all those three levels simultaneously! Because if anyone could pull off such a mental cerebral political juggling act, it would be Trump. And I thought I was all over the place! 

**Whatever the rating in the polls I would rate Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as the Greatest Prime Minister that Canada has ever had and possibly will ever have. My rating of PM Trudeau is that high. He is a Royal grade Prime Minister. 

I never made that connection. 

The Smurfs are from Germany. So is Donald Trumps family line. 

The animator of the Smurfs is Peyo and the OG name for the Smurfs is Schtroumpfs. 

Schtroumpfs  = sTrumps. 

Smurfs are blue. 

Someone in YouTube comments wrote,  "Imagine Donald Trump wanting to take over the world with his tiny orange hands." Not blue. Orange. An orange Smurf. 

Orange prison jumpsuit 33 counts of white collar crime convicted felon. 

Come to think of it, there were Smurfs of a different color and that is Smurf canon. What color? Purple. 

Royal color. 

Its probably Malaysian homespun street ghetto wisdom but Pastor Joseph Prince who is from Malaysia said that whenever you have a problem, with some problems, the best thing you can do is forget about it. Get a scratch and a scab. If you obsess over it and pick at the scab, the problem seems to be there longer. A watched pot never boils. But if you forget about it completely, it seems to go away very quickly, before you know it. 

Same with unlucky with women. There is always another time, another age. 

"The age of men is over. The time of the orc has begun." Lord of the Rings

The age of unlucky is over. The time of new exciting uncharted waters has begun. 

Even with women or especially with women. 

Will Pierre Poilievre hold a by-election immediately to get his Seat in Parliament again? From what I understand, a by-election is held in a riding whenever some reason comes up to replace the local representative. Retirement, forced out through scandal, a Leader needs to reverse the election upset. That would be his only possible move. He can bribe the current MP, six figures is the going rate at which point quitting would most likely be acceptable to the current sitting MP. 

I'll go to Sidney BC again in a few months. I already went there twice in 8 days. I went on Sunday, again, twice inadvertently going there on Maria's death day. Wretched. 

It's the law of diminishing returns. If I go there too often, from experience, I learned that I won't get the heavenly vibes as much. 

Sidney BC has a certain vibe but that could be said about all towns. None excepted. 

Last time I went to Sidney, I got a pizza, went to see the movie The Amateur. Got a medium popcorn large enough to eat half in the theatre and eat half st home. Also I got Orange Crush because it supposedly has vitamin C being synthetic orange juice made from fructose and corn syrup and orange flavor crystals. That there is no orange pulp at all should be a clue to its synthetic make up. But it tastes great and one summer I drank nothing but Fanta when I was living overseas. 

Coca Cola makes Orange Crush but it was supplied to Germany during WW2 under the name Fanta. 

I think that there is a 98% change that Orange Crush has some vitamin C. If not, it would be disappointing indeed. Does Orange Crush have caffeine? Absolutely not. Why don't you ask if it has Adderall or Ambien or Ozempic while you're at it. 

A few days ago, I turned down and dismissed a friend follow request from someone who had the words,  '$3 million. $50K give-aways.' I turned it down. Anything that seems too good to be true is. Right. Like there are people who want to give me $50,000. Yeah, in what universe? So I dismissed it. 

I had a dream when I was 11. I dreamed that someone was offering me a lot of money and I turned it down. That was the same time I dreamed that I was walking down the street and I could perceive even a pebble under the toes even of the shoe I was wearing. 

Cosmic sensitivity. 

I wondered, now that I dismissed it, did I make a mistake? If I accepted the request, that could be an omen that I will be rich one day and to live my ultimate Vancouver vacation which includes 

1. seaplane ride 

2. stay at a five star hotel, one of the cheaper rooms

3. eat at the Michelin star Chinese restaurant. That will take guts. Going to unfamiliar places and settings is challenging but it's not like I have autism. People with autism can't go to different towns and visit new places they never went to before alone. 

4. visit the heavenly museums of Vancouver with their through the roof heavenly vibes. 

5. get a model from a model shop with 5 colors of paints. One must be silver for metallic details. One must be black for the tyres. And the other colors, depends on the vehicle. 

World War One Airplanes. I need red for the German airplane. 

Green and dark green for camo for most World War one planes. I saw an airplane at the Sidney BC aviation museum gift shop that was tan with dark brown splotches but that's desert camo which was used in the Battle of Gallipoli. 

There were a few of those but only one green camo one which is what I opted for. Green camo is for the more moderate climate cooler weather, nostalgic cloudy skies of air battles and dogfights that occurred in the Northern Front like Northern France. 

I am not as much into the desert airplane battles as I am interested in the ones in Northern France. But desert is nice. Think warm tropical weather rather than freezing your @ss off cold inclement Northern weather. Think exotic Rubbiyat Khaiyam desert scenes with dried dates and coffee and hashish. I didn't get the desert airplane. I could not afford to get it. I already have one airplane. The other one is exactly the same size and shape. 

It was a green colored airplane, I believe, that shot down Baron von Richtoffen aka The Red Baron. 

A Canadian man named David Bennett on vacation in the Dominican Republic left some luggage at the airport. He got his luggage back but the spelling of his name on the tag was obviously different. The Police busted him for drug trafficking. The mix up was soon cleared and the real drug traffickers were arrested. Due to some tin pot banana Republic kangaroo court set up, it will take two weeks for the paper work to clear. In any other country, he'd be released in less than 24 hours as a person can only be legally held for 24 hours if there are otherwise no changes in development of the case. 

What is that country doing otherwise? That's probably a country that is part of the octopus which is he United Fruit Growers cartel. This is a conglomerate of nations that grow crops that can't be grown North of certain latitudes because of weather. Crops like bananas, oranges, pineapples, kiwi, mango, and last but not least, coca nut. I doubt that they have any kind of space program. But who knows about the future? Par amore ad Astra. Through love to the stars. So really, what's the hold-up in that coca nut exporting country? 

Heck, even Donald Trump deports illegal aliens out of the US in a lot less time than two weeks, and some of these deportees and otherwise repats, repatriates, have serious criminal charges. Serious. 

I hope things go well for our fellow hoser. All of Canada is pulling for you. Keep your stick on the ice. 

I'm not erasing my journal. One day in the future, someone might be going through the same thing. They are not alone. 

A person must go on living. 

"I know it's scary and it sucks but you are going to have to be brave and have courage." The Walking Dead 

Life can be daunting. 

Jesus said to store your treasures not on Earth where moths and dust doth corrupt but to store your treasures in heaven. 

He also said that man can not serve two masters God and mammon. 

Jesus is of course being spiritual. The good things in life are lovely. The bad times and the challenges create a skill set in your spirit that will be there forever and is something that will be useful in the afterlife except that you don't see it now. This is of utmost crucial importance. 

The things you think are important, getting laid, getting a lot of money, the spirits don't see as that important. 

The things the spirits see as important, the things you do with no thought of reward even to the point of, if I were to get a reward from what vector exactly would it come from therefore I won't get a reward, I don't care, the little extra steps like instead of just throwing an earthworm or a ladybug into the garbage bag while sweeping, walk a few steps and deposit them in a flowerpot garden areas in which there are lots around. The times when you suffered for the sake of a friend even to your seeming disadvantage done out of genuine love. These are the things that Jesus was precisely referring to in developing in yourself. 

A person can not see the things of this dimension as more important than the things that Churches have been talking about for centuries and certainly can not serve both. 

A person can not go to Church and then be a human smuggler. 

About dust and moths, that part is true. I visited a hotel I lived at in a vivid dream. Spring sunlight and the walls looked like they were painted just yesterday and the floors looked like they were shiny waxed. There was a dull yellow Spring morning light from the windows. PMH Atwater said that the afterlife has 'the Master Vibrwrion'. People who were old and frail on Earth in the afterlife are forever young and strong in the peak prime of their life. 

Wallace & Grommit Walkabout Mini Golf VR. Looks like the houses that each of the Beatles were brought up in. Coronation Street style houses. Go to a rock concert. One sees in their mind an image of late nights, a bedroom in such a house playing the electric guitar with bottles of whiskey strewn about and smoking cigarettes. 

Those middle class flats are nostalgic. Those houses were around when there was barely anything electric except a lightbulb. Then there were radios. Then electric fridges and ovens and televisions. Those flats have seen it all through the decades. 

The News talked about pets at the animal shelter who don't get adopted because they have no social media. A woman said,  "It's so frustrating because the solution is so easy."

Of course my delusional mind made me think of myself. 

I have no social media. No twitter. I don't read my comments or replies to my comments except for that of only one person. My female friend in Vancouver. 

I completely shut down my meta quest people app. It's permanently set to do not disturb. Once I was playing an app and I got a flurry of unwanted text messages. They can call you and just leave texts in the middle of a game? 

Dodgy scammy. 

Meta Quest is facebook and fscebook encourages social interaction. I don't know how to meet women online. I fear scammers. There are lots of stories about that. 

Even though I am suffering from a broken heart, I will find the strength to somehow go on. I've had such spells before and always without fail eventually met a girlfriend. 

Women. There's no finding them but there's no avoiding them either. 

And women actually want to meet men as much as men want to meet women. Go figure. 

A Chinese saying is  "A man loves deep. A woman loves deeper."

Woman are tied to the intricate and profound forces of creation. They have a power that I don't understand. But why would I? 

"When a fool hears of the Tao, he laughs. If he did not laugh, it would not be the Tao." Tao Tze Ching 

Basically, only a woman can understand a woman. Don't even attempt to try. 

Two swimming pools shut down in Victoria, the News said. 

That's what you get for not electing Laurel Collins. She had pull because she was a multi termer. She could have hit up the Feds for the money for a pool. 

The new MP is a rookie. But he could ask the Treasurer for the money for a pool. 

"Come on, another neighborhood got an IMAX theatre in a geodesic dome known as a Bucky Ball. What neighbourhood? Uh, the downtown eastside." 

I don't go to swimming pools. They don't let people practice backflips at swimming pools generally. 

I hope to be able to do a backflip on land anyways. 

Speaking of rookies, I made the rookie mistake of not getting her phone number, again, because I misplaced it last time, and the other rookie mistake of not setting a time and date for a next meeting. Reiterate meeting, not date. I don't care. It's nice to have a lady to talk with. She talks quite crazy sometimes. And I thought I was all over the place. But her all over the place never includes discussions of a heroin overdose so in that way, she's more together than I am. 

I've known her for years. I wish I had seen her around more but she says that she travels to the US quite often. That's life. 

At 55 I'm still making rookie mistakes. 

Russian hacker on YouTube would say about that,  "You've been going on dates wrong your while life." just like he would say, "You've been peeling garlic wrong  your whole life." And he would show a novel way to do it. 

Thursday, May 8, 2025 

I'm staying alive. I am pledged to the Police and the Courts as a non depitized volunteer auxiliary worker for the judicial branch of the government. That's worth staying alive for! 

My way was twisted, 

I have to resort to a heroin overdose, otherwise, what's the alternative? Another 20 years of loserness? On top of another 20 years of loserness? Like compilund interest? Resulting in 40 years of loserness? 

The normal ration way is 

I have to go on living even if it means another 20 years of loserness because what the alternative. Suicide? 

What one goes through is secondary to what those experiences put in the spirit because like in the movie Payday, all these strange experiences a person goes through in life teaches them something that they will retain in their personality and character because it is something that they will need in the afterlife. 

Edgar Cayce said loss results not from any material loss but from a separation from your true soul which is your best and highest self. NDE experiences said they met their true soul. I saw it once in a dream. I was wearing a black navy pea jacket. No Botox lines on my face. And I was going up up up. 

My true soul would accept years of not scoring with women because that difficulty deposited that added my charscter which I don't yet see. Life is like a jigsaw puzzle so until the final pieces are connected towards the end of life, when it all makes sense, none of the things I am going through seem to make any sense. But one day you will see that it was not random but was all part of God's master Schedule. 

"The ring chose you because it sees something in you. Something that you don't yet see yourself. Thering never makes a mistake." Green Lantern 

Speaking of loser Ness, yesterday I gasped when I saw the Loch Ness monster on Real VR Fishing, the Loch Ness level. Until now the app didn't incorporate any fictional elements. 

This changes it from an A-list Hollywood movie to a B-movie. 

The movie industry because more and more people have VR goggles where you can have the movie theatre experience at home. 

However this coincides with a time in history when just about anyone half ass has access to any technology that a Hollywood director has. Camera. Microphone. The director, you. Film editing software that go with digital cameras. Better than pre year 2000 when one used film stock, and light meters which didn't go with digital film editing software. And one can even generate a short AI film segment and splice that into the final film. A large shark, a spectacular volcanic eruption, all that can be done with AI rather than trying to draw and animate it yourself let alone go on location for filming. And access to the biggest film distribution outlet called YouTube. It would be impossible for YouTube to pay every uploader even if it wanted to. There are simply too many. YouTube will give a film maker a rep. That could lead to further advancement down the line. Perhaps no advancement is wanted. Doing whatever YouTube video was the start and the end of it for them. One doesn't need to depend on the Hollywood clique of directors. 

Sure the Hollywood directors have training and experience but so do a lot of small budget YouTube directors who went to film school and did a few movie productions on YouTube. The modern production values of a lot of new amateur small budget movies look more spectacular than professional Hollywood movies of the 90s. Particularly science fiction based movies which really showcases the spectacular. 

The News said someone name David Dow got arrested for running a deep fake porn site called TrueFakes. It can generate any kind of sick themed images that come to mind. At worst, you're not gay or lesbian. TrueFakes scoops any images of you from YouTube videos even photos and makes a lesbian video from it. Kind of like how Banksy painted a gay picture depicting Police Officers. Disgraceful. No manners. 

Let's face it, there are some actions and social nuances between women that would be deemed as gay for men but it seems that some lesbianism is hetero-normative for women. 

"Get away from her, you butch!" Aliens. Hetero-normative lesbian statement. 

Let's face it, these are the same people who would generate a deep fake video of an animal having sex with an extra terrestrial alien if they thought they could make money off of it. 

Canada doesn't as yet have specific targeted Legislation but the States as ever is a few steps ahead as the already drafted Legislation anticipating the possibility of people possibly AI generating nonconsensual deepfake videos of a man having sex with a troop of all female Denobo chimpanzees in terms of having the foresight to come up with what the appropriate strictive measures would be that would correspond to egregious activities on such a level. 

Garden of Babylon is a great golf course on Walkabout Mini Golf VR. Whoa, check out that ziggurat! Of course every time anyone thinks of ancient Babylon, they're thinking of golf. Or anytime anyone thinks of golf, they're thinking of ancient Babylon. I don't think so. 

YouTube conspiracy theories said when the US foeces invaded Iraq, they secured a working Stargate from ancient Babylon. Really? Or is that BS? 

If I had a Stargate I could sure write my own ticket. Why even go on a 20 minute seaplane ride let alone the 5 hour each way slog over land on bus and boat and bus and Skytrain when I could use a Stargate to teleport to Vancouver? 

Garden of Babylon was $3.50 which I don't feel is an extravagant price and makes a dent in my budget, but overall not that much of a dent. The important thing is that I enjoy it and I do. Babylon had King Nebuchadnezzar, King Darius, King Xerxes etc. It had Royalty. 

I have an intrusive thought that I don't like. China is a Republic yet their infrastructure is more impressive than any Monarchy or British Commonwealth. 

I want you to be successful but not more successful than me. Such sentiment is largely a driving force of the human species which is just exasperating. Canada is a Commonwealth of England. Canada doesn't have a space program like The US or Russia. Russia sent not one but several space probes to Venus since 1966. That's why if Russia invaded Canada with Alaska as a Canadian province, we'd all be dead. 

Anyways, since England doesn't have a space program, so Canada can't have one. Canada having a space arm is acceptable to assuage any British envy. 

A cover of an Archie comic. Archie is getting licked in the face from a female German shepherd dog. Veronica says cruelly, "That's the only girl I feel comfortable with Archie kissing." 

Envy is non sexual. Jealousy is sexual based. Jealousy and envy are sins. A person should be happy for the success of others. Any ill feelings is me reminding myself how I'm not getting any rather than any resentment that the other person is lucky. Their luck is none of my business. 

Unlike the island of Great Britain, Canada has lots and lots and lots and Lots of land area for the resources needed, Iron ore mines to make steel, forests for wood for scaffolding for consteucting rocket gantries. England would have to import all those resources from the European Continent. Canada could otherwise have a space program, theoretically. 

Well, population or rather lack thereof is a variable in the equation. There's your answer of why Canada doesn't have a space program. 

US population 350 million

Russia population 145 million

Canada population 35 million

Leta face it. All kinds of countries have sent people to the moon. Hundreds of people went to the moon. All moon bases are on the far side of the moon where no earthly telescope can see it. Follow the technological premise. A rocket that was a glorified Volkswagen beetle was able to send a man to the moon in 1969. If the technology was there then. And all Moon missions are military based which are automatically classified Top Secret Level 8 Security Clearance. 

I've seen a woman who is really beautiful. Yeah, her and millions of others. 

She's on another level. Massive jizzathon. She's East Indian. Possibly East Indian Islamic. 

As long as she's hot. Any woman from that tradition might get me to convert to her religion. If I wanted to meet someone like that, there is an Islamic mosque in town. 

No. I won't join. I'm on my own trip. 

Religions presume to tell you the state of your spiritual condition, what to eat, what to wear, how to style your hair. It's almost like joining the Fire Brigade. 

"Cartman said they cut your dick off." South Park

Cartman? The one who "has sand in his vagina"? 

Ha! I definitely don't want to join a religion like that! I'm surprised that a religion like that if it even exists, has as many members, would that be the right word, has as many non-member members as they do. 

There is the Conclace today. They want a moderate Pope to bridge the gap between the cafeteria Catholics and the Opus Dei level Catholics. The News mentioned a few candidates. They probably won't opt for the hardliner from Hungary who's against this and that. Whatever. These topics don't make me feel exactly comfortable. 

I really didn't know that the actual Sistine chapel is at the Vatican. They are against gay people but on the ceiling is one of the largest gay icons ever. If there was a Museum of Gayness, that painting would be the number one exhibit. A picture of two naked men or just about naked on two different clouds reaching out to one another. Gay. 

Despite that, the Conclave carries on. No one not even the cardinals know the final result of the conclave. Only one player in all of this knows and that's God but He won't give away the surprise ending. Save the best for last. 

"Time to put on your loser face." Ong Bak 

It looks like this is shaping up to be yet another loser hard fail summer for me. I'm certainly not looking forward to this summer. I'm actually somewhat dreading the summer to come. I would really rather skip it altogether but God won't let me. God helps me in my life. Yeah, He helped me by taking my mother off the board and then one loser year after another. That's how he helps me. He helped me when he set me up with that bullshit family with the liar father who never gave me my birth certificate. Life is simply not worth living for me. Another summer where I don't get laid. Next week is my birthday. Yet another loser birthday. What were the chances of that? 

Women are so beautiful that if I had to live a life where I don't score, it would be worth dying to avoid a life like that which is a bad energy jangle. 

The Police have told me in not so many words that I can't commit suicide so I must unquestionably defer to their excellent authority. 

I will go on living not because it's something I want to do but something I have to do. 

"Tell Jabba I'll pay him. Not because I have to but because it's my pleasure." Star Wars

For me it's opposite. I'm a going to live because The Law says I have to but it's not something I want to do at all if it's going to be another loser summer. Heck loser year and all next year loser too. 

If this was a kind of society like the Greeks where suicide was neither condoned nor discouraged. That like Invictus, I am the master of my fate. If the Law permitted me to escape a life of loserness, and if I had the syringe and enough China White heroin to overdose in front of me, I would do it in a second. My intention is there. The permission and the authority granting me to give myself an early reprieve is not. 

Labyrinth is available on Walkabout Mini Golf. Jennifer Connelly is on a YouTube video of a song from the group Queen. She has an amazing body that would be worth dying for. If I knew I was going to go through life and avoid scoring with women like that ever, I really would rather not live. God hasn't been good about understanding me when it comes to this. He insists on being flippant in demanding that I go on living. Even living loser years which I am absolutely not interested in doing at all. I have a fix. An escape. A foolproof plan B and God as well as the Police won't permit me to do it. 

The Police are a very sexually active community. I would have thought that they would understand that a loser who chronically never scores would want to just chuck life altogether. Strange indeed. 

Instead of trying to guess the entire future three months ahead at a time, the best thing to do is to figure out what I am going to do in the next 24 hours. One day at a time.. One loser day at a time. One God damned motherf*king loser day at a time. 

"It's just like poetry. It rhymes." George Lucas

Chirastic sfructure, ring theory, inverse parallelism, the everything comes around in a circle element of story telling. 

His Holy Eminence Father Robert Prevost of the USA is the newly elected Pope at the Vatican. He said a lot which I understand because Italian is largely English with an Italian twist. An Italian would say angrily, " You fool! English is largely Italian with an English twist!"

He said "...mano a mano con Dio." Man to man with God. Man to man. Sounds gay. 

He also said,  "Tutti personna, Tutti terra, pax con voi." All people, all the world, peace be with you. 

See, the first Papal conclave was held in 1492, the same year that Christopher Knight's of Columbus discovered America. 

I wish him the best of luck but He would say, "It's me who wishes you good luck. You don't have the spiritual power especially in your current spiritual condition to wish me good luck."

I would say so! I would agree. 

Trumps posting a picture of an American Pope. But in that instance it was himself which was rather somewhat prescient it turns out. Trump is Catholic. Slovenia where the First Lady is from is a Catholic country. Conspiracy theory. Trump again, like when he called Trudeau a Governor, when Trump posted the picture of himself as a Pope, not the Pope, he probably had an idea of what was coming down the pike. 

"I'm a God, not The God, I don't think." Groundhog Day

Pope Leo the 14th. For awhile there I thought he would have been referred to as Pope Robert or Pope Prevost. Wow. Why would I think that? 

14th, like the XIVth Dalai Lama? 

Pope Leo XIV is the second Pope in a row, soap on a rope, to be elected from the America's. Pope Francis, South America. Pope Leo, North America. 

A Papal story I will always remember is Pope John Paul the 2nd visiting South America and offered and then enjoying a cup of coca leaf tea. 

There is a level called Ice Lair. I didn't want to get it however it doesn't look too bad. Often I underestimate these levels, get them and they are spectacular, more than I thought they would be. 

Ice Lair looks just like Ice Station Zebra. The movie has no female stars or leads. That's a movie that Rock Hudson starred in and Rock Hudson was gay. So if a person gets that level on Walkabout Mini Golf VR, does that mean that the person is gay? I hope not. 

The answer is no. 

So that's why I'm scared of getting Ice Lair. 

Rock Hudson was also a millionaire. If a person gets that level, does that mean that the person is a millionaire? 

Rock Hudson was also White. If a person who isn't White gets the level, would it turn that non-White person into a White person? The jury is out on this one. 

I love women and only women. So much so that in theory, I'd be completely willing to give up life altogether if I was able to see that I would otherwise never score with a really beautiful woman. Preferably a few. Otherwise I'm not interested in living but am compelled to do so under legal custody, authority and protection. 

"I'm looking for a girl."

"Aint we all?!" 

The Polar Express 

I hope that God and also Mother Mary helps me find a girlfriend again. Mother Mary is my most powerful female protector. I know of no other female protectors on that level. 

It wouldn't only be about what she could do for me. I'm willing to do my part to daily ask myself what I could do for her. It'd be a real give and take. 

"Toxic and won't be missed." Donald Trump

When my life is over, I would say of it,  "Loserful and won't be missed."

Seeing the way my life turned out, I wish I ended my life about 20 years ago. 

I regret that I lived all these years. If it wasn't for the Police, I would end it all. 

I have to go on living although I'd really rather not. 

I've actually lost the will to live. Better no life than a loser life. Death before dishonor. 

Again, I have to go on living for whatever God damned reason. 

The silver lining is that for a loser, when life is over it will be a relief. For the successful person, when life is over it will be a struggle leaving all these things behind. 

What about Heather? Do I regret her? She was a very sweet and loving presence. I loved her like a daughter, an overgrown Guinea pig and also girlfriend. Try generating that image in AI. She wasn't like a babe which is a gorgeous young woman. Beautiful women cross all social stratas. Meth head, stripper, office worker,medical industry etc. 

Optimally, one doesn't aim for a meth head hooker or a stripper as a girlfriend. A stripper is very beautiful and does lap dances. It has always been difficult if not impossible for me to score with women which is why I've thought as much about giving up on life altogether. I guess I must be retarded. The only way I can salvage my honour at this point is death and that option has been denied to me by the authorities. For whatever exasperatingly God damned reason. 

Do Catholic Priests actually take vows of celibacy? Breaking In the Habit and the movie Father Stuart said that they do. Holy smokes. Some Priests have been celibate for decades. How they could go on living and not give up on the will to live is beyond me. I certainly would not be able to do that. I wouldn't even want to try. I'd sooner die than do something like that. 

Friday, May 9, 2024

Last night, I saw Heather in a dream. She was standing in a hallway, no carpet just bare floor. There were a few other people there too and they all stood shoulder to shoulder in profile with Thier right side facing me. 

Heather looked nice. She was wearing a black t shirt and black leggings. Her hair was a fine chestnut brown and her face was sun tanned with no blemishes at all and a very slight blush about her cheeks. We walked together and she led to me a lady I know whom I can not name. Even if I did, would you know her? This lady, that lady, what's the difference? 

She was naked except for a black bra. I've never seen her naked before. She looked pregnant but she had a muscular body. Note that people in the dreamworld often look more muscular than in this life because the dreamworld is their prime ideal body had they worked out right. 

There was a Chinese guy behind her and he was inserting a probe into her. Shocking stuff. 

I walked away with Heather. I thought that life was showing that just to make me jealous. So while I'm haven't been lucky with women for years, she's getting it on with a Chinese guy, she's getting it on. Why does life have to show me that to get me jealous? Does it for some strange reason think that I'm not jealous enough? 

I saw my spirit guide with a few other people. I said, "I was thinking of moving to another town, but now that I'm here with Heather, I'm going to stay in this town."

As always when seeing a ghost of the dead in the dream, I thought, all those stories about Heather being dead were false. The Girl Who Wasn't Dead. She's right here! 

Then I telelorted to a classroom. There was was a White guy with dark curly hair and a goatee. He looked somewhat half Spanish half White. And there was an Oriental lady. They were laughing. They could have been happy to see me, "Thats the celebrity. He has such strange ideas about himself." I the state of mind I'm in, not having scored for the longest time, I was indignant that life would present a couple in front of me just to trigger me. 

"Are you laughing at me?!" I said indignantly. 

Then I telported to a country road. It was a street in a very small town. Paved road, sidewalks. A car was on the other side of the street at a distance to my left and the Oriental lady I had seen from the classroom was approaching it. The car was hers. Then a White guy was walking towards the car, probably the same guy. I turned away to my right indignant that the forces of life was trolling me again. 

Matt Fraser said in a video that I will always always remember but to find the video is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. He said that if a single person sees couples, it's not spirit trying to make them jealous or to troll them or to get them vexed. It's spirit trying to reassure the person that he or if the case is she will find another partner. 

There is some chance that the Chinese guy who was standing behind the naked muscular lady was me. Her nationality is undisclosed, let alone her hair color, Thet can happen in a dream. I disbelieve it because this lady is out of my league. I would think so but it might be a very different world. My work on the internet, my cartoons and writings have put me in her league. She might even be out of my league! 

My writings have a ripple effect in the afterlife which explains all the royal dreams I am getting. They know the true extent of my fame better than any earthly computer algorithm. I thought no one reads my blog but the Police showed up for me yesterday or was it the day before, the days are just slip sliding away, when I wrote about my intention to uninstall an app that isn't working aka my life. 

I wish I could be with Heather now as I was in the dream. I'm most likely never going to score again let alone with that lady who is out of my league so why did the dream insist on showing me that? Aren't I psychologically traumatized enough? 

As it is, I'm back in this plane. I will live with courage and try to salvage as much Honor as I can with a life where I'm not generally lucky with women. 

Even if one goes to a nightclub, they have to have game. 

I don't have that. Game is appearing with another lady to make the lady who likes you jealous. Head games like that. 

The afterlife, that dream where I saw Heather looking so refreshed. That's where I want to be. 

"Take it easy, dude."  My father said to me in a dream. 

This dimension isn't so bad. The VR and the electric skateboards are a blast. Seeing the painfully beautiful women is certainly a treat. There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. 

Will I score again? Yes! I'll score again. Somehow, I always wind up scoring again. I haven't scored for awhile and there are levels of scoring, first base, second base, third base, home run. I'll probably score with women again. My mother would want me to score with women. What would she have thought about me having wanted to give up on life because of general overall failure with scoring with the really beautiful ladies or ladies who are old. A lady who is young, a lady who is old, they are beautiful although not all ladies are that beautiful. Ideally a person wants a beautiful lady and not a plain one with weak eyes. 

I fear the future. I fear I'll never score with a really hot lady let alone a few of them. I will go on living even though I'd just as much rather not go on living under such an auspice and aegis. 

Sometimes I see on the streets a guy walking with three beautiful ladies. What a lucky guy, I think. 

Working at the Courthouse has awakened me to the possibility that nah, that's a young judge walking with a female prosecutor and two female undercover cops discussing a case during a night on the town. 

Or it could be a brother, a sister and two female cousins. Look at the faces, there is a family resemblance. 

That's the spirit world saying to me,  "Don't be jealous. Instead wake up! There are three women in your life right now, not the zero women that you think there are." 

"Ghost of Christmas future. I fear you more than any other spirit I have seen." A Christmas Carol

I got to get back to real golf one day. For days in a row I played nothing but Walkabout Mini Golf which is mind-blowing. 

Cheating, I watch videos from InnerPrincess VR to know where the lost golf balls are. Finding a minimum of ten opens the nighttime level which is usually, if possible and is possible, even more spectacular than the day time level. 

Thats a possible hint for me to stick around. Over 55 is the night time period and could be even more spectacular. 

I'm looking for the lost golf balls on Widows Walkabout. That opens a level that is completely black and white. That's ghostly. Wandering a realm in a completely different in scale of color. Our world is to the black and white world what the afterlife is to this world. 

Although the physics like teleportation and telepathy has in common with the afterlife, the dreamworld is still a procedurally generated download as it holds back on the primary colors never seen before as seen in the afterlife. 

Anyways, real golf is using the woods and the irons. I've regressed to the level of the mini golf putting range. 

Playing WMG could improve my putting when playing real golf in VR. When putting from a distance, the ball always always goes wide of the mark of the hole. 

The levels on WMG are so mind-blowing and spectacular though. 

What is the Fox Hunt mode? What does it do? 

I got the Venice level on Walkabout Mini Golf. 

Indiana Jones said, "Ah, Venice." when he was in bed with a beautiful blonde lady. 

Beleive it or not I was in bed with a beautiful blonde lady and I said, "Ah, Vancouver."

I wouldn't be surprised if one day I say,  "Ah, Victoria." 

That's definitely something to live for! 

As you're walking around, if you hear any words of advice especially if it's new, that's God speaking to you. 

I have given myself advice. What you don't think is important, the spirit world thinks of as important and vice versa. Jesus said to value your character rather than the things of this world because that's what you take with you to the afterlife. 

20 years of not getting it on has deposited something in the character. An uncommon strength whereas many would have given up, I still have the audacity and the gumption to carry on with life come what may. 

The problems you go through give you the rare gift to help someone with the same problem from a place of empathy rather than of mere sympathy which makes you an expert. 

Sympathy - a priori

Empathy - a postiori 

Even if you don't give anyone any specific advice in words, that you went through that problem but still carry on, people know and see that and that gives them the inspiration and strength to go on. 

Life is like a diamond in which all its facets must be examined. The years of not being lucky with women is one of the facets of the diamond of life. 

"You know what I love? When characters you've long since forgotten in this great novel called life show up at the end and the story gets filled right in." Matt Damon, No Sudden Move

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle that only makes complete sense at the end. Why I had to go through this challenge or that challenge. 

The line of demarcation as to when my eternal life starts isn't at some point in the future after I die and enter the afterlife. It's now. Time is an algorithm, a construct that can be dissolved in the mind so the moment that my eternal life starts is now. Christians say that! The moment you received Christ as your Saviour, your eternal life begins now. 

Sure, I'll go through some weird physical event that will last a few minutes at the every end, but there's just a blip soon forgotten. Other than that, nothing otherwise changes from the aliveness and level of consciousness you feel now. A person's consciousness can arguably be elevated with the use of certain psychotropic entheogenic drugs such as mushrooms, acid, DMT etc but the jury is still out on that one. There is no cure all. Lots of people who did all different drugs, you name it, they still have psychological issues as much as ever. No hallucinogenic psychedelic drug can free one from the physics of this dimension and being tied to the reptile complex or R complex with the hypothalamus, pituitary and adrenal glands and cortisol. 

Cortisol is my favorite.*

*Sarcasm. 

Local topical anaesthetics like cocaine hydrochloride and general anaesthetics like diamorphine known on the streets as heroin can deal with the effects of cortisol. 

Legal alternatives are novocaine and xylocaine and acetaminophen caffeine and codeine phosphate aka T3. 

Edgar Cayce said that loss is the soul suffering from the distance from its true soul. Some people have met their true soul in near death experiences. Ones true soul is the one that is free from fear, anxiety, envy, jealousy, has courage, etc. If you have the hiccups, try to vomit because that's what the body is wanting to do. Or else if you meditate, the air will naturally rise from the guts and that will help cure hiccups 100% of the time. 

Anyways, the true soul is what the spirit is wanting to be anyways and thus you will get there. I don't know if everyone gets there. The choices they make throughout their life. The good News is a lot of people have strange dreams of angels, Royalty, etc. That means their entire future has already been scanned and they are cleared. Even things like minor criminal charges do not affect this. Dreams of Royalty and angels also means that something they did or in some cases will soon do that has ripple effects in the afferworld.

Dreams of Royalty also means that they know the true extent of your fame and that you are protected, looked out for, etc. 

I opted not to get Ice Lair not because Rock Hudson starred in Ice Station Zebra but because the golf balls are in that encased in ice mode which is over the top gimmicky. 

The level costs $5. So does 8 Bit Lair which I got instead. Now it's not like I plopped down $58,000 for a Maserati. $5 shouldn't be too much. 

I watch Lord of the Rings and the actor who portrays Gandalf is gay. Who cares? Lord of the Rings is a great movie. Tolkien was Catholic and Lord of the Rings has a lot of themes and symbolism from Catholicism. 

8 Bit Lair is gimmicky as hell. There are these large. 8 bit pixel points. When the golf ball hits it, two things happen. 1. It disappears. 2. The golf ball bounces off of it. Whatever. 

I went back to Golf plus VR and found that playing Walkabout MG for what, three days in a row exclusively playing nothing else did not improve my putting skills on the putting green even a tiny little bit. My golf game is just as untarnished as ever. Just like my game when it comes to picking up women. 

The afterlife will be a lot cooler. I'll get there but I can not end my life early. There are people I need to meet and people who need to meet me. There is new knowledge I have to discover through accident, coincidence and piecing a bunch of pieces from there and there, things and events seen together. That is why I have to stay alive. Whether or not I score with the really beautiful ladies, as it seems, doesn't seem important to the spirit world. It's painful not to but somehow I find the strength to go on. 

It's best not to paint some elaborate picture in your mind and then get upset whenever you compare your life with that picture. Even the richest people have issues in their life. They'll probably never tell you about it and usually won't. But whatever issues are there. Those issues will eventually be resolved as well because God cares for the rich and poor alike. 

Some people are involuntarily rich. Something like Shakespeare said, they have money thrust upon them. Win a lottery, get a major inheritance, born into a rich family, be selected to win a Nobel Prize in whatever field. 

The Temple at Zerzurra is a mind blowing level. Ancient Egypt. Even more lovely and mind blowing than I thought. 

Heather used to talk about Zerzurrus and Zerzurradus. She said that was the name of her cousin and her sister. She had a wicked imagination. 

The Temple of Zerzurra is a desert. 

That made me. Realize that 

Even after the mountains have crumbled into stones

Even after the stones have crumbled into deserts

Even after the sands of the deserts have dissolved into nothingness, 

I will still be loving Heather. 

I splurged and made a deferred payment meaning credit card now, pay later but a further deficit of $5.14 which is not a killer, really. A person can pay that and more in tips alone, tipping culture, after a restaurant meal. Especially with a drink and desert. 

Anyways I got El Dorado. 

El Dorado looks sick. In a good way. 

It has a Mayan Pyramid or else Inca or Aztec 

Aztec - Mexico

Maaya - Guatemala

Inca - Peru

I'm not sure what regional pyramid exactly. Anyways it looks South Americany, that's for sure. Americany. 

I'll give it a spin and tell you what I think. 

It's a good level. Very Indiana Jones. One doesnt see much of the main pyramid. It's mostly jungle. At night they got the tiki torches going. 

The levels on WMG are mind-blowing. So much so that I've been playing nothing but for the last few days except for one round at Butler Park on Golf Plus. 

Butler Park is noted for its presence of law enforcement as it is a popular place to relax. That's what makes it one of the best places to play golf. Since families go there and people of all ages, law enforcement is there as well. 

Real full scale golf is quite visceral and ferocious. The massive hard blast and carry of the initial shot volleying the ball an incredulous distance. The next shots shuffle magnificently the ball towards the putting green. The putting green shot requires near surgical precision and expertise. The vast cheer erupts as well as clapping hands all around from the AI generated VR crowd in the stands If done right, well, often I get a birdie, an eagle, a hole in one. I got quite a few holes in one on WMG. 

The News said a Korean chef said that his mother died. 

My friend named Carl Valentine, not the exact name for fear of doxxing but would have enough phonetic clues within for the Police and first responders, who lives in the building told me about his mother. I talked to him on the street. What he said didn't sound good at all. Satanic, actually. 

Valentine, just like Stranger in a Strange Land, Valentine Michael Smith. 

Legs suddenly swelled to twice their size. Edema. A sh*t pocket in her stomach. Her doctor actually said it was a sh*t pocket. Unable to walk without great pain, she is now hospitalized. Her husband has mild to severe dementia and will be at home alone. He needs caregiving. 

It doesn't sound good at all. The family lives somewhere up island. I suggested he visit them to be their caregiver. He said that something like that was beyond his capability. 

It doesn't sound good. It sounds like a trainwreck that's telefraphing itself and will without divine intervention. 

First responders at the hospital will find a woman dead of swollen edema of the legs and first responders will find a man dead from a dementia in a house and dead for a few days when they find him. The smell would alert the neighbours walking past the house. It would be on that level. 

The Korean chef's words on television was not a harbinger of good at all. It's a bad omen. My friends parents will be dead. I said he could inherit money. He doubted it as his parents were broke. That's normal to say. No one says, Oh yeah, I'm going to inherit major money. They would be more likely to say, "I come from a morganatic family arrangement which would be redundant since my family is intestate." 

Morganatic arrangement is about a certain person specifically not receiving any inheritance at all. Intestate means no estate left behind to speak of. 

I was recommended the movie Roger Dodger. It's about the dating scene. Lots of games. There is no such thing as the universal female mind so no one pick up approach will work on all women. Just be yourself. Yeah, how's that working out for you? The struggles in life if approached in the right way, sculpt your personality and character which is the only thing you will take with you when you die. That and love. 

"The love, you take that with you." Ghost 

The main takeaway is the age old advice. Go to a nightclub. Wait til closing time. About 15 minutes before closing time, the desperation of not wanting to go home to an empty apartment. Standards drop. Look for the drunk ladies who laugh a little too loud. 

I usually don't go out at night. Nightclubs have some pitfalls. Where there are lots of women there are also lots of men. At worst they can be drunk, belligerent, bully, start a bar fight, smoke whatever drugs in the alley, dance with a lady too much but unknown to you until the last minute, she's with someone who lse, well there are lots of girls at the nightclub. For someone not used to going, it takes a bit to work up the courage. 

Going to bars and nightclubs can make one more successful with women. Go see strippers. That's one way to get over whatever depression. Those places can be somewhat sleazy or rough. Don't drink too much. Don't stay too long. 

The Cardinals at the conclave are Catholic Priests and well, they've been single for years. Yet they don't seem all twisted up about it. Their faith is strong. Faith is something we should all have. 

Saturday, May 10, 2025 

"Alcohol is a social lubricant. You're not going to re-invent the wheel." Roger Dodger 

Women are like that. You got to them them lubed - with alcohol. 

That being said, I went on a most successful date with Karen today. The dancer showed up at the coffeeshop so no bad omen. 

Karen is not like the really hot ladies in their 20s, but she is in my age range and we have history. About 14 years of compounded history like compound interest. 

Strangely, she told me that she thought of suicide a few days ago. I said to her, 

"I'm here for you."

"Im here for you too."

"We have to keep each other alive." 

Not that I was going to do something on my part. Suicide is illegal and is a crime. I'm not interested in doing anything that is illegal and a crime. Nope. No way. 

Lost golf ball. Looking for a lost golf ball. Watch a video guide on YouTube. It looks like I was standing right above it, if I look down at my feet, there it is. It was under my nose all the time. 

I was so depressed a few days ago and Karen was there under my nose. 

Instead of a loser summer, this looks like a summer of Karen which is a lot better. 

God loves me. Here I was full of doubt even to the point of blasphemy but God seemed to just ignore all that and bring a sweetest lady possible named Karen into my life. 

I don't know why He did that. I didn't think that I deserved it. 

Life comes through. I love life to the utmost. 

Karen also thought that the idea of me picking up girls at 2 in the morning at the nightclub was the best idea. Strangers. You never know what you're going to meet. It's a real grab bag. Females are full of wisdom and Karen is no exception. 

"All dragons knew their treasure down to the last ounce and old Smaug was no exception." The Hobbit 

Smok is the word for dragon in Polish and probably Russian as well. They share a similar family of languages. This is probably where the word smoke comes from, like smoke from a dragon. 

Thank God and also thank any of you who said a prayer for me. Whatever prayer it was, that worked. I also did three days of labour averaging two and a half hours a day for the Catholic based St Anne's Academy and I also made two $5 donations each donation on two separate weeks to the Protestant Church. During the donation, I telepathyed a prayer, Please help me find a girlfriend one day. And then a few days later, today, I had a most excellent and sumptuous breakfast of coffee and donuts, breakfast of champions, with Karen. I bought her a donut because she was strapped. 

The words of the judicial branch are very powerful. Whew! I wouldn't screw around with them. 

During the sex assault trial of five hockey players, a lawyer cross examined the witness and asked if she was acting from an alter ego. 

A supporter outside the Courthouse yelled at the lawyer,  "Where you acting from an alter ego during the cross examination?!" It was definitely not meant to be a compliment. 

Without missing a beat, the lawyer said,  "I'll see you on the inside." The lawyer is powerful. The lawyer can arrange to find out who she is and the sometime after, don't be surprised if she gets busted for some stupid shit. And be sent inside the Courthouse holding area. 

In another case, a Chinese guy did in two people. A female Homicide Detective asked him if he was sorry he did it. He replied No. 

She said,  "You're an animal." 

Those words are powerful. Ha ha! Guess who is guaranteed to fail their first few parole hearings because of that statement. 

If the Lapu Lapu guy wasn't hypnotized or it wasn't an accident, if he did it with motive and intent, the Police know but also peope on the streets know. Street people are incredibly intuitive. The News did mention he was planning to use a drone to video tape that incident. What an animal. What animals would videotape themselves killing another animal and of their own species? You know what? That guy is worse than an animal. 

He killed 11 people in one day. Not only that, they were all done in in less than what, two minutes, five minutes? Pickton certainly never did 11 people in in less than five minutes let alone two minutes. See, this sets of a specialized and exquisite wave of Satanic energy. Profound in its malevolence. Well if he meant to do it, I give his life two years at most. Tempus fugit, time flies. Tick tock tick tock. He'll be killed for sure in less than two years. 

Even doing in one person sets up a latticed network of friends and relatives wanting their pound of flesh. 11 people?! Forget about it! 

Forget the mental health defense. He went way out of his way to do that. 

"Mental illness is neither mental nor is it an illness." Thomas Szasz 

I feel fear of the future. 

I feel a great wave of fear that's been with me all afternoon, fearing the future, painting a picture. 

"Hey there Georgy girl, there's another Georgy deep inside." The Seekers 

Fear is a separation from one's truest and best self. I give to life and get fear in return. Life is harsh. Society isn't what it once was. In some ways it has gotten worse yet in some ways it has gotten better. 

Eckhart Tolle talks about fear. Often we paint an inaccurate picture of the future. 

Sadhguru said fear is a misuse of memory and imagination. What happened before, is it happening right now in exactly the same way? No. The picture of the future you imagine in your mind, is that picture happening exactly like that right now? No. 

I feel fear of the future. Before I've felt fear, And it's only brought me here. Over the years, different issues came up. Or didn't come up hence the fear. 

I am not crazy. I am sane because my intention is to be sane. I have to be sane like a Lord of Discipline. That's the highest ideal. The reality sometimes falls short of that. 

"There was a story about a man, Who had to fall to rise again. 

Pick yourself up, Dust yourself off, And start all over again." 

Old song

Buddha said a wise man falls down seven times and rises eight times. 

The future always has hope. Hope for new love. Hope for new opportunities. Even in Canada. Especially in Canada! 

My town is a jewel not only of the Earth but of the entire Universe. 

This town is splendid. Some residents remember the old days with Undersea Gardens and the Wax Museum, Fabled Village and general overall tourist gold

Today I swept the area around the Royal Theatre. There were large branches, and more medium sized branches and more small branches and also piles of fallen leaves that were swept off the ground. The area looks nicer. I am a custodian of that area. 

Just about every day, a few people say thanks. Good job. That is life affirming. So many friendly faces. I tell them that I am glad to do it. Such a neighborhood is worth keeping clean and not letting things slide. 

May 12th is the day I'm sweeping at the Courthouse. On the News it said a woman who pretended to be a nurse to the point of being on point at an actual OR procedure was apprehended in Idaho and all the way from Stateside, that's when the Court trial will be. 

If she isn't remanded in custody and released, she will storm out of the Courthouse in a huff. If she sees me sweeping the grounds, a common custodian, she might say,  "Get out of my way!" 

Pretending to be a nurse at the operating table. And I thought I had a problem with cosplay. 

She is most likely to be remanded in custody, I mean being on the News and mention of capture in the States. 

Over the months I've seen several people emerge from the Courthouse for reasons unknown. Undoubtedly some had been in the docks and had been released. Not one of them, not a one ever said anything untoward. They were all on the up and up. 

Sunday, May 11, 2025 

Meow Wolf in Walkabout Mini Golf is based on the swamp world of Numina in the Meow Wolf exhibit in Denver. There are four worlds to explore. 

The neon glitter of C street. The frozen world of Eemia, the underground maze of Ossuary and the swamp world of Numina. 

Someone who used to always appear outside smoking cigarettes hasn't been seen for awhile. He was quite old and frail. He used a cane. 

The panhandler in the electric scooter for handicapped people isn't on the street either. Either died or was told to move on. He wasn't aggressive but liked to talk to people. Perhaps the manager didn't want any panhandlers outside their place of business. They do get told to move on. 

Go to the smaller towns farther up North. Not as many panhandlers, if any. 

I will always love Heather. Tender memories with her will haunt me forever. It still hurts whenever I remember that I miss her which is quite often. 

I wouldn't have traded the years with her for anyone. She was pure sweetness. Pure and absolute sweetness.  

That's life. When one door closes another one opens. People leave from the scene, soon new people are met. 

I still fear the future. I give to life with my volunteer work and all life seems to give me back is fear. Life would say,  "No, that's all you. It's in your mind. The pictures you paint in your mind of the future and your tendency to believe that you waht, have some logical if not psychic ability to predict the future."

Jung said, 

1. Have confidence

2. The unknown future is exciting. Not fearful. 

3. Self individuation, collective actualization, problems show up for yours and the world's evolution. 

4. Problems are shadow work. They show the things you must resolve to reach your highest self which is somewhere within you. 

I look for her this morning. Karen not there although she specifically said she'd be there today. I wore my Sunday best including a stylish Hugo boss silk cotton weave shirt, and a golden brown paisley Christian Dior tie. I wore that just for her! Women. 

The movie Michelle and Romys High School Reunion. Even if I wasn't as successful as most other people, even if I didn't score with a lot of, if any women lately, life is still a blast. Johnathan Lingston Seagull said that to get anywhere, imagine that you are already there. Success be it financial or sexual is a means to an end which is to reach a certain state of mind which is confidence. Have that and women may be attracted to you or in any event, more attracted than otherwise. 

I learned some words in French

Bien sur - of course

Ceci dit - That being said, 

Donc - so

A tout facon - anyways 

These are very useful phrases to learn. 

I think I could travel to Quebec. Go to Quebec City for Christmas. I'll look at videos of Montreal at Christmas. It could be just as if nor more spectacular. But that's two cities. A tale of two cities. Pick one city. Quebec. It seems like a smaller town with a slower pace of life but more steeped in history. 

Quebec City Christmas night market looks nice, very similar to European Christmas markets. There are small tan log cabin style kiosks and red carpet. That color scheme is nostalgic. The European ones are better. Check out HuebiVR Dresden night market. They have a revolving wooden tower about two storeys high with five levels of craved wooden figures doing the revolving restaurant thing. Revolving around and around like a record player going at about 8 rpm. That's better than the Quebec Christmas market. 

I have not thoughts whatsoever of going to Dresden. Not in the slightest. Why would I go there? However, the video is pretty good. 

Research pays. I was going to the restaurant at The Flying Club for the wontons. When I read the description, chicken and seafood wonton, I thought that the wontons were made of only ground up chicken or chicken and seafood. 

Nope. It's pork wontons with succulent slabs of sliced chunk white chicken meat and whole scallops and tiger prawns. It looks even better than it sounds. 

I went there last Sunday. Closed. I was going to go today or this Tuesday but the wonton is only served on Monday Wednesday and Friday. 

That gives me massive anxiety. Massive but otherwise survivable. I don't feel like going on any other day other than today or Tuesday. What a real dilemma. I hope that the Universe gives me an answer. Please give me a sign or clue or guidance as to what to do about going to the wonton soup restaurant. At the Flying Club. You know, I am a World War One pilot in VR. 

The first few levels offered a choice of three missions on easy setting. Now I only get the one mission and these missions are difficult. But from experience, the more times you play, the computer senses that and eases up on the difficulty. I still have a chance at success in the mission. 

Tip. Don't try to charge incoming enemy planes head on. It's tempting to spped up time but a person gets shot up fast. That's a death move. Best to fly under and past them and then double back and attack them at their stern side. Upgrade ammo otherwise it makes forever to shoot down bombers and upgrade climb. You need to climb fast to the high altitude bimers. And upgrade speed and armor. 

I could be successful with a woman again one day. 

In the movie Little Women, a child girl said, "Why do you need a lot of lovers when only one will do?"  The old woman who was there said,  "You are wise for your age."

Forget about quantity and focus on quality. What's better? A hundred street urchin females or a lady from the upper middle class? Middle class is one class removed. A man can be with a lady of a higher class as long as it's only one class removed. Whereas a rich man can date a woman from the lower classes and vice versa as long as she's clean, not a junkie or a prostitute because the upper classes would really frown on that. 

A man of lower class would have to have rare qualities skills and gifts to be appropriate for a woman of a higher class. And she would have to be chasing him, not him chasing her. Then it's permissible along those lines. 

Anyways I'm only focusing on one lady at a time and not more than one at a time. 

I'm dressing up nice more often. That looks better. 

I've been going to Church wrong. The only way to go is just like the nightclub. Dress up nice. Wear a nice shirt. I got a nice Hugo Boss shirt on sale for $8. That shirt is very sharp. I have two paisley ties. One I found and the other, the Christian Dior tie cost me $12. However there is a tear that's slightly noticeable which is why it was on sale. 

I have a nice tie from Italy that looks very elegant yet also what I would describe as sober and sane. It had diagonal stripes about one inch wide and a thin white stripe between each blue and red stripe. Dark red wine shade of red and a very official looking shade of navy blue. Thwts a tie that can make a crazy man look sane. That's if the crazy man had the wherewithal to tie a single Ascot. I need to learn to tie a double Ascot. I worked on it yesterday for nearly an hour but couldn't get it. Whide Ascot knot ties are fashionable now. 

Double Ascot, not rocket science. You know the wraparound done once around the front? Do the same wraparound twice. 

With the double Ascot, align the short end of the tie above rather than below the belly button as with the single Ascot. 

Monday, May 12, 2025

With a lot of languages in the world, it's either only 1% of the people speak that language, specific examples, Thai, Polish. Or else it's a language where only 1% of the people either than them want to learn the language including writing system as with Chinese. 

With the Native languages that local culture seems to bring up, take that down to only .01% of people speak that language and that language had no written language to go with it. There was only ever spoken language with them just like some women, you never see her wear a skirt. It's always pants with that bitch. The Hawaiian Native language and the Australian Aboriginal language and African bush men language are all like that too. No written language. 

What the heck, does that mean that since only .01% of the world's population does something, that you shouldn't do it? Short answer, no. Long answer, hell no. 

Such rarefied experiences as getting an all over body tattoo, visiting all the Disneylands in the World which would be the ones in the US, the Euro Disneylands, the Japanese Disneylands and the Chinese Disneylands, visiting Antarctica, climbing Mount Everest and learning an aboriginal language are all activities that only .01% of the people in the World experience. 

How does a Catholic Priest take a vow of celibacy and actually follow it to the letter because let's face it, even I score occasionally, and remain sane and not go crazy? A Catholic Priest might say to that, "Ha ha, how do men get married and stay sane? Women can do a real number on you. I remember women from my seminary days." 

In life, often one has to overlook a lot of things in order to do aomething exciting because all things in life are full of advantages and disadvantages. 

Score with a 19 year old meth hooker. Overlook that she has a meth aura as much as a Priest has a priestly aura. Overlook that before a year is over, she will have had sex with around a hundred guys. Overlook that she's using meth all the time. Some people follow the dragon, be an old man and score with young women. I follow the way of Murphy's Law, which is to never date a woman with worse problems than you. 

Go to China. While in the West, welfare, rooming house housing crisis and being alone alone alone lost at sea while all these swimming creatures took pity on me. Go to China, high tech state of the art futuristic cities within a year, be an English teacher, plentiful housing stay in a five star condo the price one is paying for a rooming house room in the West, get a really nice girlfriend who is clean and doesn't have a hard drug problem. 

Again, overlook that you won't be speaking English but a language that 1% of people in the world other than them want to learn. 

China is a few thousand year old civilization and are beyond something like a housing crisis. 

The situation really isn't good population wise. 

While other countries in the world only have to tolerate America's hegemonisstic intellectual influence, Canada has to deal with their actual physical presence sharing a border with that megalomaniacal nation. 

US population - 350 million

Russia population - 145 million

Canada population - 35 million

Britain population - 68 million

Other countries such as where ever and where ever doesn't have that problem. They are surrounded with countries that all share a similar population. While Canada is between one country with 4x the population and another country that has 10x the population. 

The US has 10x the population but don't think that they also have 10x the money. Think 1000x the money! 

While Russia, bless them, while they have 4x the population, don't think that they have 4x the money. Think 3x the money. Forget the mystery wrapped in a riddle wrapped in an enigma quote. 

"Russia is a gas station run by a mafia with nukes." Senator John McCain

Is Donald Trump going to do a military invasion of Greenland and Canada? 

The US has 350 million to Canada and the UK put together which has 103 million. 

Is Canada ripe for military invasion? 

There is a saying, A mosquito can kill an elephant. The smallest crumb can devour us. 

Even if something is large be it a country's population or a building or a large animal or a mountain, something small can bring it down. Whether it will or won't still remains to be seen. 

The United States is 250 years old but England is what, three thousand years old. 

Roman Empire, around Jesus time, around 0 AD. England must have been around for at least a thousand years minimum before then. 

It was the British who invented the concentration camp during the Boer War. The Germans stole off that in WWII. This concentration camp system was designed to be used in a sublimated for the general population for population control and class division. 

How's that working out for you as delinquency can be found in all classes even the aristocratic class. 

Last Israeli hostage released to Red Cross to be checked for scabies, rabies, what can you expect after being held up in a Hamas brig? 

I fear life. I mean if I'm too retarded not to mention too cheap and stingy miser to go for the triple play of scoredom, hookers, nightclubs, and strip clubs and get a lap dance, life can be pretty scary. Even with the retardation, there is still a lot to live for. Such as travelling to Europe in VR. 

Me and Heather were like two retarded peas in a retarded pod. 

It's a different dynamic. I am taking time off VR when I work at the Courthouse. VR is quite exciting. It's not like just only 30 years ago where a person on welfare would feel lucky if he had a paperback novel, a radio, a small black and white television and a 6 pack of beer if a person who had only that was to volunteer to sweep the grounds of the Courthouse. No one else is doing it. 

I sure don't see any beautiful ladies in my room! Working outdoors, a lot of beautiful ladies walk past me. They walk quietly and I only notice the back of their heads as they are walking away, less often seeing the front as well. I hate that when I only see the back of thy are walking away. 

That's the thing with women. You can't find them but you can't avoid them either. Same as with a woman's love. Can't find, can't avoid. Somehow, somehow, I'll find a girlfriend again. I always do. 

I went for a coffee early this morning and saw a crystal meth convention outside the Crystal not so much Palace known as Tim Hortons. I returned half an hour later to get the Ryan Reynolds loaded breakfast and the Police were there moving the throng of meth heads along. 

There was a Crystal Palace made entirely of plate glass in London in the 1800s at either Hyde Park or Kew Gardens. One of the two. More island culture derived from more island living. 

On island living, they go on Island time which means don't be surprised if promises aren't always kept. I've been future faked a few times on the island. Locals. I've thought of moving back to the mainland one day. 

There is no more Crystal Palace at Hyde Park but instead there are probably lots of meth heads hanging about. Sign of the times. The times they are a changing. Is it a fair trade? See, it really depends on who you ask! 

Trump got an airplane from Qatar which he accepted. He's going to use it as Arab Force One, I mean Air Force One. 

I've heard of "Can you spare me some Qatar me brother?" from the Clockwork Orange, but this is ridiculous. Trump was spared some Qatar airplane. 

The plane is probably full of bugs, hidden microphones as well as God knows what else other hidden tech from Speznatz aka the Russian Secret Service. See, it's like the lost golf ball hunt on Walkabout Mini Golf VR. If bugs are golf balls, can they be completely sure that they found all the lost golf balls? 

Even when a person goes to any store and gets a laptop computer, a phone, a tablet, VR glasses, a television, that all it goes without saying comes with all kinds of hidden tech. Surveillance, biometric readings, hand and body tracking synchronized to whatever websites looked at and for how long, And this isn't even from a foreign government entity which has questionable allegiances with your country as well as with whatever other countries like a Venn diagram of multinational allegiances, each held at cross purposes. Oh that's swell!

You don't even have to purchase anything to get hidden tech. Anytime one travels to any city not least of all including their own, they can experience all that hidden tech that the city has to offer. Facial recognition cameras including remote biometric reading and that's just what I know about. On an episode of CSI, an agent directed a hand-held camera at a crowd that does multiple facial recognition, biometric reading and of course targeting a face using a similar algorithm as loops and compares in fingerprinting. Fingerprints form loops. Loops at certain places is called a compare. It takes about 7 to 14 compares to form a fingerprint. 

The airplane has 800 miles of wiring! That sounds like a lot but that's only 8 trips from Victoria BC to Sidney BC and back at 50 miles each way. Any of those wires could be a trip wire. 

I hope that Trump enjoys that airplane. I would if I had an airplane like that. I could sure write my own ticket! I would use it to fly from the Victoria Airport at Sidney BC to YVR. 

And back. All the time. Talk about overkill. That would be like driving a Lamborghini to Save-On Foods. 

7-11. Seven plus eleven equals 18 which is the number of holes on a golf course. See how that works? 

Tuesday, May 13, 2025

My ostensible birthday. The worst day of the year. An extra reminder that I'm still in this thing called life. 

I don't know when my birthday is. It was something my lying father told me but without having seen my birth certificate. Seeing it would be part of due diligence and due process concepts alien to my uneducated father. He comes from a language that is pictogrwphic and semasiographic which means one has to be told what the word sounds like so they extend that to all other areas of life where people are told any random thing that comes to mind. It's right brain language. 

English with its phonetic based letters which you slide together to clearly form words at least has an empirical element to it. 

"Toxic and won't be missed." Trump

There are quite a few people I haven't seen for awhile. In some cases years. They were toxic and I don't miss them. God Himself will at some point separate the wrong people from a righteous person. But let's face it, good or bad, anyone I thought would be in my life forever, forget it. They weren't. 

I wish I was a World War 1 pilot. The average life of a World War One pilot was three weeks. Seeing the way my life turned out, I would have rather died in my 20s. It would have been glorious. As the CO would have been sending the squadron on another mission which would be the last for some, he'd say,  "You will be going into heavily defended enemy territory. Chances of survival are moderate at best. Do this and I myself will personally escorts you through the Gates of Valhalla." I would at least be in Valhalla. 

There would be several machine gun bullets hitting not only the plane, but also me, the pilot. One shot would be right through the sternum. It would be a clean kill because Germans are high tech and would have even then made very good bullets. I'd be dead even before the plane started to make its final descent. Hard core. Valhalla. Glorious. 

Of those that die on the field, those who die in battle with sword in hand or WW1 airplane rudder in hand with fingers around the machine gun grip make it to the Hall of Odin. Before which they are carried to heaven on white horses with virgin female riders called Valkyries. Only half of soldiers slain in battle make it to the Hall of Odin. 

The other half gather in a forest meadow called Volkfangorn that the goddess Freya presides over. Volkfangorn which is where Tolkien gets the word Fangorn forest from. They become vineherders feasting on food and drinking oxymel or mead which is fermented honey and water. They wait until Odin summons the Ragnarok to guide them to be reincarnated and fight in battle again until they can reach the Hall of Odin. Not a bad deal. 

Otherwise, I live to my 55th birthday, welfare, rooming house after rooming house 29 out of 30 birthdays not getting laid or even a blow. However being too retarded and too cheap to make certain arrangements. What can I say? That's worse than dying at 24 as a World War One pilot. Way worse! Some fates are worse than death. 

I wish I had enlisted in my 20s, joined a Canadian US UK coalition force to Iraq fighting Saddam Hussein and got shot. That would have been better than how my life turned out. 

As it is, I am going to go on living under the circumstances that life presents me. Life is full of surprises. Living is something I am pledged to do. 

Someone I know is married to a lady from another country. Where ever. He's up to his eyeballs with this lady. Every month or every other month has a sending money and a crate of things what ever to that country. That's the worst form of child support. He's paying and paying and paying but he never sees the child. Of course if the child would be sponsored to Canada, there goes the gravy train to where ever. He's invested money in and is part owner of some businesses they got over seas. Then he tells me that she's taken on two, three jobs and is away from 5 am to 8 pm every day. There are worse things than never getting laid. I could have failed like that. 

What can you say? When you hook up with a lady who doesn't speak your language, no shared cultural base of literature, television shows and movies, music listened to and enjoyed in common, basic things that relationships between people of a shared culture take for granted, it reverts to the non verbal. Intensified Sex. And intensified obsession with money. Venity. To compensate for the otherwise lack of verbal energy. 

Since it's cosmic that all things in life are tinged with advantage and disadvantage, to attain an advantage could mean being forced to overlook certain things like she's a meth head, or she's some venal money grubbing slant eyed slope b*tch opportunistic gold-digger who doesn't quite speak your language nor you hers and it's not a language that most people in the world besides them want to learn. One of the more obscure languages. 

I could have failed like that. 

In the afterlife, one gets cosmic knowledge. And one sees what would have happened if they made this choice and what would have happened if they made that choice. The shallower person they would have otherwise been if this event that they interpreted at the time as bad didn't happen to them. 

One doesn't have to wait for the afterlife to see that. Life throws people at you all the time and if you look, these are people who you would have become if this or that hadn't happen ended to you or if you made this choice instead of that choice. I see people who are clearly worse off than me in every way, or people who are seemingly better off like getting laid regularly and having lots of money yet there is something really good lacking in their personality which I have and take for granted. Case in point, the squares and flakes met at Church. 

The News said that the Taliban is banning cheese as an addition to their ever growing list of banned items. Then I looked again. They are banning chess. But I wouldn't be surprised if they decide to ban cheese as well at the rate they are going. Would they ban yeast as well? How effective would that be since yeast can be produced from the body but let's not go there. 

It's worse than even a cargo cult. 

Followed to its furthest extreme, one day in some final ultimate move, the Taliban will ban the Taliban in Afghanistan. 

Today I went on a date with Karen. A date with a beautiful lady is the best way to spend a birthday. There are other ways but me and Karen aren't at that level and it's not certain that we ever will be. Who knows? She's old. I had in mind a younger hottie but old is also sexy and can be good times all around. 

Then I swept the grounds of the Library and then the Courthouse. Since I'm doing it on my birthday, it's something I genuinely enjoy rather than it being a form of work. 

Remember, this is my ostensible birthday. God knows what birthday my real birthday is since that culture is big on using the lunar calendar being an agrarian society. But they're really not the agrarian race. No race is. All races are at heart city dwellers and yearn for the big time rock star Swamp of Numina at Meow Wolf Pirates of the Caribbean Universal Studios theme ride Live at Buddhicom neon flash pulsating dopamine driven lifestyle of living in the big city. 

I'm 55. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. 

Best of times. In better shape than I thought I'd be. Really from memory, I thought I'd be,  "Once he reaches where he attains, he kicks the ladder down, thus scorning the base degrees by which he did ascend." 

No, that's not the quote! 

"Then he reaches middle age with a stout belly full with capons fat."

Or words to that effect. 

I thought I'd be half bald with a pot belly but somehow luckier with women than I am. 

I've had Royal dreams. I did animated cartoons. I've been able to sweep the streets not just at the Courthouse but for the area. Including the Library and thus that area can look as rich as the West End. 

The West end in this town I believe is in West-quimalt, I mean Esquimalt. Oak Bay is the East end. Downtown Victoria being in the middle, is it East End of West End? 

The line of social demarcation is never clear. In Vancouver, although the area is called downtown eastside, Main Street is the dividing line with zero block East being East of Main Street and zero block West being West of Main Street. Most of the crazy drug action happens in the West end of Main Street. The same West end that has awesome houses at Shaughnessy Heights and Point Grey. 

SH is all right. But let's face it, Beverly Hills, the Hamptons, New York rich houses, the rich neighbourhoods of London England are on another level. 

Anyways, it's uncertain whether the Courthouse is in the West end or the East end. Esquimalt, rather than merely being West of the probable line of demarcation being Wharf Street, is another suburb. Wharf Street in Victoria BC is more like a Boundary Avenue separating the line between Vancouver and Burnaby than it is being Main Street that clearly separates the East and West ends of the City of Vancouver. 

The East end has the Greasers. The West end has the Socs. From experience, people from either neighbourhood churn out the same percentage of people who are talented at whatever. Talent is no discriminator and people of either financial social class can be talented at something. 

The West end sometimes reminds me of the 1927 Luis Bunuel movie An Chien Andalou. The scene where the rich young woman wearing a white dress was in that clean bedroom of hers, sparsely furnished with only the most luxurious furniture and white painted walls that look rich. The 1920s. If you had a radio that even then, what was the programs and music on the radio like? Wretched. You were lucky. Even what they called jazz which was the apex of radio entertainment was of a style that was a lot different, unrecognizable. 

The worst of times. Still unmarried. Always a bridegroom, never the groom. For a woman it's always the bridegroom never the bride isn't it? Would that be how it works? 

On welfare. All my years of doing animated cartoons, or my writings even though I unlocked the mystery of what Einstein meant when he said that all things are happening simultaneously,, the algorithm of time, and the relationship between linear time and time travel hasn't lifted me out of welfare. 

"In the old days, they would have thrown money and women at you."  Ghost of Sparta 

The physics of this dimension are wretched. Artists get ripped off. Music and videos are downloaded for free. YouTube premium gives people a download videos for offline option. One doesn't become a cartoonist artist or a writer for money. One gets into owning shipping lines if they want money. 

Fear of the future. Senescence or growing old is a fear. It's all downhill from here and not in a good way. Edentulousness is always something to look forward to! 

I fear the upcoming year of age 55. 

"Fear."

"Fear?" 

"Fear!" 

The Terminal, Steven Spielberg movie

I fear the future. 

Newscaster said tomorrow is Dance Like A Chicken Day. I was annoyed. I thought he was just making that up. Googled. It is DLAC day. There is a dance called the chicken which was a presursor of the macarena. May 14th. 

Chickens are well known for their dancing. Not really. A kangaroo is a better dancer. What about the desert lizard that runs on its hind legs? Pretty good! It's got moves. 

There is a species of fish called an Irish Dancer. It looks flashy. That would be a better dancer than the chicken. 

Canadian rapper Tory Lanez got stabbed 14 times in prison. He survives. The hit was put out on him after he got sent away for shooting singer Megan Thee Stallion in both feet, two bullets. The agony of de feet. 

No wonder. After finding that out. He did something that was just pernicious. Awful. And the victim is a celebrity. A major singer. That affects the dynamic. 

The person who did it would be rather non-plussed that the rapper survives because hits that are like what, 14 stab wounds in total? That would be your classic prison air holing meant specifically to kill. The stabber is probably thinking,  "14 stabs wasn't enough to do it. I should have pushed it to 18. At least it would have been like golf. 18 holes? Or to be really awful, I should have pushed it to 19. In golf, the 19th hole means the afterlife."

I wonder if he'll make it out of prison alive. 

A man got busted in the UK for a fire at the UK Prime Ministers House. At 10 Downing or his other private residence? Who does the guy think he is? Braveheart? 

At the very least it's a chickensh*t scaled down knock off version of the Guy Fawkes fiasco. And you know what happened to  him. The same thing as happened to Braveheart. You just don't do sh*t like that! 

Always trust in the wisdom and guidance of political leaders. 

All problems wither under the glare of good government. 

Will that guy be executed? What anger could have fueled it? I'm thinking it's either about  Palestine or Trump. 

The News said Starmer was like, well I don't want to say Neville Chamberlain but he seemed uh, selectively withdrawn when meeting with Trump, the News said. Anyways leading to more Trump tariffs in the UK, the guy owned a business, lost his business because of tariffs and was angry choosing the PM's residence as his fiery incendiary target. Def Leppard, Pyromania. 

Scotland is on its way to passing an assisted dying Bill in Parliament. Did Braveheart have access to assisted dying? You might say that!  

Wednesday, May 14th, 2025

A Trump watch was made except omitting the T so the watch face reads, 'RUMP'. 

To sorta quote Jabba the Hutt, 

"That watchmaker is my kind of scum. Fearless and inventive."

Eternity is the fingerprint of the soul since linear time is subjective anyways. So it's inevitable that one day I will arrive at the place where I will finally truly be happy. 

That's where my spirit is wanting to go anyways. I could be really happy really soon. There is a lady who makes me feel funny and cozy inside. She does it for me like a VR app does it for me. 

Yesterday, I lost my claw tool on the sidewalk. I had a choice of a new one, half painted red and 10" for $12.  Or else two in a package, one 9 and 1/2" and another one 8" for $11.50.  I got the 2 in one. My other claw tool which I lost yesterday was the half red 10" model. However with that one, the red paint was almost entirely worn off and gone. The once square sharp edge had been worn down to a rounded blunt edge, worn down from its original 10" to 9 and a 1/2" anyways. It was time I got a new one. I lost the other claw tool on my birthday which must have been the end of an era. Now I have two new ones. Good ones. The edges are perfectly square and sharp. Form and function. The new one will function better than the old one that I lost. 

I use the claw tool for my work cleaning the grounds of the Courthouse. 

There is a 1% chance that it is in my room. That's happened before. I thought I lost something but I didn't. 

I could have gotten it at Walmart for $3 less. How does Walmart sell it for $3 less and still make a profit? Well, it's not 50 units sold at one store, it's 100,000 units sold across 2,000 stores with the money going into a central reserve. No small store could compete with that. I'm not sure if Walmart would have sold it for that much less. Places are quite competitive with their pricing. 

There is a kind of luxury cooking that involves a large spacious flat iron grill similar to the hamburger grill at McDonald's. Some steak, some diced zucchini with sliced mushrooms and soy bean sprouts, dashed with a recipe of soy sauce, sugar, crushed ginger liquid and a hint of pineapple juice fried over the grill. Price? Whopping. Places like that are not competitive with their pricing when let's face it, that's just a glorified frying pan. 

I'm saving money for the ultimate trip to Vancouver. Stay at a five star hotel. Restaurants. Museums. Still too retarded to go to a nightclub. Beautiful ladies. Dressed really nice. Drunk and flirty. Could be. They try to provide the best time so you'll go back again and spend more money. There was a daytime dance event in this town.. I didn't go.  

Psychic Mirrors made an album and their albums have stories behind them. It's a variation of the same story again and again. Some place is about to go bankrupt or has been foreclosed on. Psychic Mirrors saves the place turning it into a 24 hours nightclub. 

There was a radio station, a movie theatre and a business building with adjoining parking lot. 

If there was a 24 hours nightclub, I would go. Or what about 18 hours, closed from 2 am to 8 am so as not not contravene any liquor laws. High population cities have such night clubs. 

Walkabout Mini Golf is a gift from the gods. Every 7 weeks, they will release 3 new DLCs at $5.50 each. For life. 

A female teacher who taught high school in the local area got charged with sex related offenses including texting for the purpose of sexual innuendo. She looks pretty hot. No guy would complain if a hot older female teacher flirted with them, although that would be an illegal act. Dyke couldn't say what the actual story is, however there is a high probability that these are lesbian related incidents. In the old days, it was usually suspected that the female physEd teacher was lesbian. That's standard issue in the school system and has been for decades. Parents would be angry if a lesbian school teacher was texting their daughter in an inappropriate way. 

Thursday, May 12, 2025 

Yesterday, or the day before I got the movie Das Boot on sale. 

Das Boot was filmed in 1981 aboard replica U-96 submarines. 

The film set made 60 metre or 180 foot submarines which is good enough because the original U-96 was 220 feet long, 180 feet interior chamber space, and 20 feet wide, 15 feet interior chamber space and the height was 32 feet high at the periscope chamber section. 

I learned a couple of German words from the movie, 

Unser - our

Anschluss - wisdom

The movie has a very claustrophobic feel. There was imminent attack from enemy submarines in the vicinity. I watched this movie years ago. I don't remember the ending however someone on YouTube comments said, "The older I get, the more the ending affects me."  I'll be the judge of that. Sometimes such statements are hype. 

I feel fear at being age 55. When I was younger, I wanted to be older. There was no fear because every day I was getting closer to being older. Now I kinda wish I were younger so getting older is scary. Kinda because I didn't know then what I know now. The skateboard and the VR goggles were each the result of an accident. Go back a few years and what would be the chances I'd find a skateboard in the same way again? At one point I thought I'd never ride a skateboard. No steering rudder stick nor brakes, each of which a kick scooter has. Brakes is foot stopping and yesterday, I shredded a low grade challenge parking lot on my street amoeba. It's better when you know the area but not knowing it, I sped up and not having a plan to slow down because one can often just gradually turn up an uphill incline to slow down. That's a beginner life hack. Not finding an uphill incline to slow down, I had to use foot braking. I was able to do it. Whew! 

The VR goggles are great but all I'm doing is regular Golf, Walkabout Mini Golf and Real VR Fishing and YouTube. That's it. When is Walkabout Mini Golf going to release their new DLCs? 

The medical team at the hospital was able to successfully deal with the swollen edema in the legs of my neighbours mother. She's at home now but still feeling some residual pain. Not good but better than the titanic Leviathan train wreck of pain that one would feel with swollen leg edema which is most likely comparable to the pain of gout. 

I had a tooth extracted today and will have a remaining molar extracted next week's making me two teeth closer to complete edentulousness.. That's always a comforting thought. The back half of my mouth will, as of after next week, have no teeth whatsoever. Teeth are a faulty algorithm and we got handed the short end of the stick genetically when it comes to teeth compared to sharks with three rows of teeth that keep regrowing again and again multiple times in their lives. A loose tooth, some pain for two days, it works itself loose somehow and then grows back. Humans can get dental implants though. Pricey. A UN volunteer group of medical NGOs went to Africa to perform free implants for impoverished patients in the area. Go to Africa, and see if you can get free dental implants. This will work best if you are black. Pass yourself off as a local villager to get free dental implants. These NGOs could set up a two tiered pricing system common in the third world where the tourist pays more than the local. They don't give a f*ck. 

399 ostriches to be killed at a farm in British Columbia Canada. Those birds got ostrichsized I mean ostracized. No time to put your head in the sand on this one. The birds could be flown back to Australia if crowd funding is successful. Tranquilized and then flown back. Just like the Chinese landlord wants to tranquilize me with the intent to send me to China in some welfare scam human trafficking endeavour. "Don't tell welfare. That way you can be in China for years."  I'd go to Guangzhou. So many cities, Shenzhen, Chongqing, Chengdu, Beijing, shanghai, all futuristic. Even the Chinese who would just about eat anything that moves including pangolin wouldn't do in en masse 400 ostriches. 

The pretense is avian flu. If they don't have avian flu, why kill them? The human species is wretched. Giraffes including baby giraffes were killed in public at a zoo in Germany. Policy wonks. Old habits die hard. No one reads this blog. There is a 98% chance the ostriches will be killed. 

Why doesn't the humane society get involved? All they ever do is euthanize animals that don't get adopted out. Who do you think is involved with the ostrich culling, for prevention of avian flu. 

Friday, May 16, 2025 

Fiction. 

Stepping on to an elevator, I saw a sign in the elevator full of symbols similar to no smoking symbols which prohibited strollers, smoking, loud ghetto blaster speakers and whoa, even a no elephants symbol. 

I asked the security guard who happened to be in the elevator. "No elephants?" 

"There was an incident 21 years ago." the security guard replied. 

"But that was a one off." I said. 

"We like to keep the signage. Our logic being that if there had been signage, he wouldn't have brought the elephant on board the elevator. Or would he?" As he said that, the security guard shot me a strange stern look as if I might just be that someone who would try to surreptitiously sneak an actual pachyderm on an elevator even with the no elephants sign. 

Well the Germans thought as much to bring an elephant called Tuffi on board a Skytrain that is suspended from above with no floor beneath which kind of changes the dynamic from that of a more conventional Skytrain with a floor below simply because from a purely structural engineering point of view, you can't argue that an elephant and an elevated from above Skytrain are two good things that go great together like chocolate and peanut butter. You can guess what happened. The elephant fell out of the Skytrain. 

Today I went to the BC Flying Club in Sidney BC. I went to the Dakota Cafe and had wonton soup and also onion rings to go. The onion rings were profound. Some of the best I've had anywhere. The wonton soup was expertly done. 

It was cloudy and not the best day for going to Sidney BC. I had to go on the bus today for an appointment. So it's either use the same bus day pass today and save money or go on another day and not save money. I opted to save money. 

The movie Inferno is set in Florence Italy. The movie is about genetic diseases and transhumanism which was a theory that Julian Huxley proposed that entire generations of GMO genetically modified humans going into the future is even better than natural selection. CRISPR, cloning, are all on the table with transhumanism. The premise is either kill a quarter to half the population in the next five years or risk all humans going extinct in a hundred years. Either way you lose. 

Saturday, May 17, 2025

Today is my VR anniversary day. Remembering that I went to the Victoria Art Gallery and saw meta quest 3 VR goggles, I decided to look online because any future of mine going forward, I decided at the art gallery, would have to include VR goggles. I looked online and was going to order them online. Fortunately a local place does Amazon orders. I went to that place and they had meta quest 2 VR goggles for $200 including tax. They were good but the quest 3 with pancake rather than fresnel lenses is way better. Fresnel lenses are not bad though. Fresnel lenses are awful and the worst idea for VR. 

A whale washed up on a beach in British Columbia making it the fourth whale to wash up on a beach this year. The News said there would be disturbing images. I decided not to look. I saw it beforehand. A weird sinewy mass. 

The Natives said they would give it a blessing ceremony. It would need more than that. It would need a tugboat, perhaps two or three. 

Farley Mowat, A Whale for the Killing. A Whale was caught in an inlet. The town watches. Half the town want to turn it into whale lamp oil and ambergris. The other half of the town want the guide the whale into a small opening along the inlet that leads to the Atlantic Ocean and be Free Willy. 

The ostrich situation is kind of like a whale of the killing. 

399 ostriches. Get 399 people to donate an average of $1,000 for the airfare for each ostrich to be flown back to Australia. You might even get a special group rate. 

A Canadian CF-18 military large plane. 2 one way flights costing $200,000 each carrying two hundred crates of tranquilized ostriches. Fly the ostriches to the ostrich deserts of Australia which is their natural homeland aka the outback in the land down under. 

Today I swept the grounds of the parking lot of the Royal Theatre and the grounds of the Courthouse. The sidewalk seams had lots of yellow pine needles in clusters that made the area look dirty. I took the extra time to sweep up the pine needles. I also swept an area of the library grounds. 

Sunday, May 18, 2025 

I went to Church today. I dressed up which is how someone should go to Church. I felt doubt before however doubt is one of the foundations of Christianity. Going through doubt and then overcoming it is better than never having doubted at all. 

I'm probably going to be gone in about 20 years and it will go fast. Whatever I did or didn't do, any regrets will wash away. I hope that I pass my life review. The life review is quite comprehensive and there are moments that I already regret and dread seeing during my life review. 

The essence of passing a life review is to be thoughtful. More difficult when all you get is thoughtlessness in return. One of my neighbours who had been feeding mice and pigeons is now regularly bringing a meth head to his room. A young female meth hooker. 

Whatever hotness she might have had is taken away from a meth vibe that surrounds her. She looks like the hot female zombie in Gun Club VR. Some hotness but also a disturbing aura of meth. 

Because I practice Zen meditation, there is a greater variance between my vibes and a meth heads vibes than between my neighbour and a meth heads vibes and my neighbour has taken to smoking the vile noxious substance himself. 

"Birds of a feather, flock together, Yes they do, yes they do." Rough Trade

He's basically turned himself into a scaled down John McAfee but instead of bath salts it's meth and instead of a few women, it seems to be that one over and over again unless I know differently. 

I always want a girlfriend and still do but that doesn't also mean that I want a meth head as a girlfriend. That was never a priority for me of any kind. 

That's a prime example of the forces of life jerking me around yet again. The forces of life don't do it all the time but often enough. When it does, is it ever a doozy. Life never fails to disappoint. 

I generate diligence, discipline, thoughtfulness, I show up at the Courthouse and sweep the grounds. So naturally in return for that, the forces of life generates for me thoughtlessness and delinquency. So after sweeping the grounds of the Courthouse. I practice Zen meditation, I close the door of my room whisper quiet. So naturally life throws my way a meth head who loudly slams the door. I don't go to her place and slam the door or her neighbour. 

The amount of times I swept the Courthouse and return to my apartment and see a meth head just sitting outside the door. It's a lot better in China. It's a lot worse in Vancouver. 

It's a long road that has no turning. One day either I or my neighbour will move out. 

Every problem contains its own solution. The more she visits him, the more it increases the chances that they will move out to a place together. 

When she visits him, he isn't also feeding mice and pigeons that day as its a juggling act that not even he could handle. 

Life is always in flux. I could get an inheritance, I can be hired on to work somewhere and be paid quite well. Then I'd move out. 

The best thing to do under such circumstances is to think a prayer because God is telepathic and thought travels faster than light ie quantum superposition, quantum entanglement. To think a prayer for them as a couple and as individuals. "God may they and each one of them be blessed. May they find what they are looking for at the greatest and most spiritual level. May they never know fear nor pain.Thank you, under the stewardship of Jesus the Lord, amen." 

That is the best thing to do. Some go through a lifetime never having this occurred to them even once. 

"Your quality will be known to your enemies before ever you meet them." Kingdom of Heaven 

Life is short. Half a year, ten years goes in a blink of an eye. During the time, I try to be better to other than they perhaps have been to me. 

I'm hoping to pass my life review. I've known about this since the mid eighties when Raymond Moody's Life After Life was published. One goes through a life review that is really a one second download of a lot of data which is a sudden enhanced perspective, a knowing of not only all actions ever done but on even a telepathic level, how those actions have affected others. Like all people, I screwed up from time to time but I did more good things than bad I believe. I forgot about most of the good things I did. 

The point is to be happy where you are or you probably won't be happy when you get to where you want to go either. Live with some confidence that you can most likely handle whatever life insists on throwing your way. 

And the future will be guaranteed to in some way be better than you could possibly imagine. 

Things aren't what they seem. A single person sees a couple. The couple isn't there to vex them or to make them jealous. Sometimes it's a sign from spirit that they will find someone. 

I believe I hit the wrong town. I should have stayed in another town. Any town except this. I don't believe that I've been that lucky in this town. 

I might have to move one day if my luck doesn't improve. This is the second largest town in the Province. All others are smaller and backwater and not worth living in. Rooming houses used to be plentiful and cheap to encourage people to move to the Province for a blue collar job. All light industry jobs have been outsourced or automated. There are a lot more homeless people and meth heads than there ever was in the past. Diligence and discipline is met with delinquency and dissolution. No time in history has ever been a good time to live in including this one. 

If it wasn't for the gargantuan language, China would be good. Orderly streets. Clean futuristic infrastructure. Higher standard of living. More purchasing power. Housing and food better quality for lower prices than in the West. 

To be precise, if a person gets welfare which a lot of people do in the West, then all things including shelter, transportation, food etc is free because the government pays. Free is even more inexpensive and reasonably priced than China. 

None of you will believe me. Actually I don't believe me, but tomorrow, I will try to do a backflip for the first time. Some YouTube videos showed simplified techniques and preparatory exercises. As I thought, a backflip is a modified cartwheel. It is a cartwheel gradually tweaked to a backflip. If you can do an aerial cartwheel, you should be able to do a backflip. I don't know if I'll be successful. My chance of success I would rate as 5%. Every time I tried before I chickened out and failed. But this time, I have a few unprecedented preparatory exercises I didn't have before. Unless the YouTube video is BSing me, these prep moves should work. 

In order to learn the backflip, I will need to take the day off of working at the Courthouse grounds. The last time I worked was on Saturday so its only a second day off in a row. This is a volunteer job which I never had to do to begin with. No one else is doing this. 

Monday, May 19, 2025 

Four and a half weeks and the days start getting shorter. Again. The years go fast. 

Should I practice the backflip at the Church? It's nearer, has grass but is a graveyard which is bad luck and there are a few homeless hanging about there. A few weeks ago, someone got stabbed there. Ironic as it is also across the street from the Courthouse. 

It is very near, just about a few blocks away. 

Or should I go to a park near the beach? A more upscale area. Sand is an option for doing backflips off logs and landing on a soft spot. 

A Russian on YouTube demonstrated gradually modifying a cartwheel into a back flip. 

An American showed gradually modifying a backwards thrust and tuck aerial technique. 

Pigmie said to use a two handed tachnique but one of my arms has tendonitis so one handed or aerial thrust and tuck technique it is. The knees tucked and going towards the chest is the primary signature motion for a backflip. 

A Russian on YouTube demonstrated a front flip is a frontward somersault, then doing hand and arm assisted standing front somersaults then a hand spring which is a bit tricky. Try doing a hand spring from a lying down position first. It's all about split second timing. At the critical split second, thrust the upper half of the body forward and the lower part of the body backward and downward sharply. 

An American on YouTube says to just give 'er when doing a front flip. Then you can work on doing a Wagner. 

There are also suspended delayed backflips as well which is a seemingly gravity defying variation. 

If I could do a front flip and a back flip holding two lightsabers or a Darth Maul style  lightsaber, I'd at least be a Jedi Knight. 

Padawan learner  - No back or front flips, basic parkour only - me. I'm at this level. 

I can do back flips and gainers holding two suspended chains on either side, so I'm between a Padawan learner and a Jedi Knight. 

Jedi Knight - single flips, front and back

Jedi Master - double flips 

Jedi Grandmaster - Olympic gold medal gymnast, triple flips. 

Tuesday, May 20, 2025

Puzzling Places VR has a tomb of Ramses II. On the wall were countless murals. One of the murals had a picture of a small crowded boat. On either side of the boat, were long lines of people who in one line was carrying a single snake on their shoulders. 

People see different things. It's called apophenia. 

The boat represents the one Planck second download of lots and lots of data. The long line of people carrying the snake is parsing though the data. 

The line along with the snake in front of the boat represents parsing through the data of life on this Earth which appears as linear time, as linear as the snake. The boat represents the instant singularity download known as the shell. The line behind the boat represents the afterlife from which we originate which is also a parsing of data from yet another singularity download but from a more advanced paradigm. But without the snake meaning parsing of data in non linear, time travel time rather than in linear time. 

Yesterday, I nearly got robbed. I had my skateboard with me. A meth head who was standing outside Tim Hortons I noticed was staring at me. And this was even though he was wearing sunglasses. He was standing with two other people, one of them was a Native guy who is well known in this neighbourhood. 

He wasn't tall, he was kind of fat and had a beard and was wearing sunglasses with silver frames making him look kind of like Elton John, Bad Side of the Moon, 1975 era. 

I went to Tim Hortons to look for Karen. 

She wasn't there even though she told me that she would be there every day at a certain time. I then walk up the street to remove weeds from the sidewalk. 

The guy walks up to me and says,  "My friend's skateboard got stolen. Where did you get that Skateboard?" 

"Good News skate shop."

"That sounds right. How much did you get it for?" 

"Around $200."

"No." he said. But the way he said it underscores that on average, the intellectuals in Vancouver are more intense than intellectuals in the island. A small town on the mainland is a backwater. A small town on an island is another level of backwater. 

Bill Maher said,  "Would I move to a small town? Not even on  bet! The reason that small towns have small populations is because no one wants to go there!" 

Intellectuals on the mainland are smarter because they're too smart to ever move to an island. It is more mindless cheese eating langorous local 'Canadian girls kick ass' which implies a kind of scattered, thoughtless, mindless, delinquent dumbed down to Western tastes kind of energy. Sure, Canadian girls kick ass while Asian women in Asia are more thoughtful, diligent, disciplined and have more actual skill sets on average. 

The guy is a stupid cracker and cracker culture is crackpot. As a collective society, for all their cracker efforts they were never quite able to conjure up any futuristic cities to the level of China. And I'm am forced to live under the umbrella of that underwhelming energy when I could be in China now which unlike the cracker West is a place that I actually intellectually respect. 

I then said,  "Oh, Jesus f*cking Christ. Just fuck off!" as I was riding away on my skateboard. 

I was ready to fight. If that guy wanted to fight me, I have my skateboard which can be used as a sword and a shield. I also had a sharp metallic tool which I use for removing weeds. If I fight, I am just mad dog crazy. There's no telling what I would do even resorting to preternatural witch craft, I mean trade craft, dream craft fight moves and motions that I learned from dreams. 

Dream crafting during a fight is the best. Chuang Tzu wrote,  "Cut meat along the empty spaces normally formed from the seam lines of ligaments, tendons and sinews and your knife will never be dull."  When fighting try to look for any empty spaces and then dream craft into them. Of course the other person is doing that too so it's a real challenge. Meanwhile spectators are calling the Police on their cell phone.  People on the street usually have some experience. So do I. Again, best to avoid any assault charges. Best to just walk away. Especially when you're on probation, ie me. 

This makes the dynamic interesting when the sleazy scammy Chinese landlord emailed me. See, I am currently technically in custody. Ha ha, knowingly or unknowingly writing to a person in custody changes the dynamic. Write to a criminal in custody and ha ha, guess what, you get busted too. This gives the Police special powers to surveil and monitor any correspondence I get. If there is anything that even has the slightest whiff of criminality such as a human smuggling welfare scam, there is some increased chance that could interest the Police. 

I looked back to see if he was chasing me then I would have had to weapon up. 

He was walking away. 

I told the Native guy what happened. He said,  "That guy was saying all kinds of Crap. He said,  "Welll he's not even riding it."

"Oh he will. Give it time." 

Karen isn't really worth it. She's basically a bag lady. Getting any kind of affection from her is like pulling hens teeth while other ladies in my life are all too ready to give me a hug etc. 

She also talks to Paul the Chinese panhandler all the time. He is the most sleazy and venal personality imaginable. "I'm hungry! Do you have $20?"  That's how he deals with his life. That guy will have a most interesting life review when he dies. Anyone who talks withh Paul all the time isn't worth knowing. She's bstshit crazy. The first words she said when I saw her last time was, " I have a big bug crawling around in my hair."

Bill Maher spoke about this. He said,  "Clinton had an intern while Kennedy had women on the level of movie stars, models, airline stewardesses." 

I've had women on the level of the wonderful women of Thailand, I had a beautiful 24 year old blonde woman in Vancouver who was smokingly gorgeous. And now it's down to the level of hanging out with Karen. Or am I? I even said to her that while I was with Heather for the last few years, I never saw her with anyone. At all. At least I was in the mode. She wasn't with anyone because no one wants to be with her!

In other words, she's not DTF, down to f**k. Who needs that? 

I'm going to hold out for someone better especially if this means that no one is better than that particular lady. Talk about high maintenance!

I've had women on the mainland and now it's down to women on the island? Some women on the island are pretty good but let's face it, women in cosmopolitan Vancouver are more glamorous and dress more sophisticated on average than women on disparate, removed, and far flung Vancouver island. You see it right away when you get to Vancouver. 

I don't know if I'm going to look for her again. Every problem has its own solutions in the signs that it gives you during the problem. She talks to the vile Chinese panhandler, she usually isn't there and the unenviable meth heads of the West are there which is something you'd never see in any subway station in China while look at the subway station in New York, yeesh. 

Better no girlfriend at all than a so called girlfriend on that level. 

There is a strange energy parallel. The premise of the incident was about that guy trying to take away my skateboard which has 4 wheels. Sometime this week, I am scheduled to have my fourth and last remaining molar extracted. 

I was still there on the sidewalk removing weeds. I wanted to see if that guy would come back and make a first move towards me. That legally entitles me to do a retaliatory move. These moves are involuntarily and never planned but I wanted to really hurt that stupid island cheese eating cracker. 

Then someone tall who reminded me of Jesus or else my spirit guide said to me, "Have a nice day." He said other words I don't remember but there was something authoritative and I sensed that I was being urged to move along. He could have been an undercover cop, but a friendly one sent to protect celebrities rather than a bad cop sent to apprehend a criminal. The Police might have gotten a wind of this. 

I also want to mention that the skateboard I had with me is the one I took with me to see Princess Anne. Which having a Royal connection as I have connections with the British Royal family being what I told my dead friend Mark Roy in a dream, I wonder if this would elevate the level of trouble that guy might be in. He might try this on others. I did mention Good News Skate Shop. They would be interested in hearing this story.  

And I work for the Courthouse as well so that guy really had no idea who he was dealing with. 

I imagine the cool gentle voices of all my friends in the afterlife saying,  "Ha ha, the situation isn't quite what you think it is!" 

Best thing is to walk away. If a person got into a fight and seriously injured to the point of months of hospitalization let alone killed, well, they'd have to go to Court and really, who wants that? Walk away, walk away, walk away. Assault charge? No thanks. And it would be a violent which includes extra structures such as forensic psychiatric assessment and being placed on a dangerous offenders list. Just walk away. It's not worth it. 

There's no way to win in a fight. You lose, that's bad. You win and send the other guy to the hospital, oh yeah, you really feel great about that. No. And then possibly be charged with assault. No thanks. 

One is entitled to defend themselves making no more moves than is necessary. If the other one is down on the ground, fine. An extra hard kick to the head would definitely be a criminal offense. 

If you're about to get into a street fight and then all of a sudden see dead friends and relatives, it means you'll die in the street fight. A person could see dead figures up to two weeks before their death in whatever form it takes, possibly being done in. 

I haven't been seeing any weird things like that and certainly not yesterday during the encounter with that foul miscreant, scuzzy individual. 

I fear the tooth extraction, somewhat. Fear. Fear? Fear! 

Canada Pike strike coming down the Post. It's in the mail. 

China doesn't have postal strikes because ironically, for a Left Wing Communist country, they aren't big on trade unions which makes them extremely competitive which is why most light industry jobs in the West have been outsourced. 

Perhaps China is Right Wing Communism which is as distinct from Left Wing Communism as the Bolsheviks were from the Mensheviks. 

How long will the strike last? Canada Post claims a near bankruptcy status, but so does just about everyone so they're trendy, in fact. So going on strike and not getting any revenue at all during the otherwise interim is of course the best way to financially address any issues involving bankruptcy. 

Of course you can't blame any additional and otherwise preventable financial shortfall from the Postal strike on Trump tariffs. Well see you Trump tariffs and raise you a Nation wide postal strike. Does that mean waiting an extra month for the fleshlight to arrive? 

We already have tariffs in the form of tipping culture. In the old days, it was a strange etiquette to tip an exactly 13%. Now it's like it's on some graded scale. More nouveau culture, Fred Flintstone neanderthal, tow the local backwater line tbuggery. 

So the tipping tariff scale would be as follows:

15% - good

18% - great

20% - wow! 

125% - Trumped

The Trump tariffs are meant to soften Canada to make it into the 51st State. Would the tipping culture be meant to soften Canada for the Trump tariffs which are meant to soften Canada to make it into the 51st State thus forming a strange fractal involving tariffs and tips? 

A McMaster University school of business and economics professor said that Canada Post will run out of money in a year. 

Could it be that its too expensive to maintain the expected overhead of a Postal Delivery Service and the Union that goes along with it? All government jobs in Canada are unionized. It's law. #inuredtothepoison

A interesting conflation of thought. I once had a dream where someone said 'bol'. 

I knew it means 'speak' in either Hindi and Punjabi. 

Bol reminds me of bol-sheviks. 

India is probably more aligned with Russia than the West. Of course Russia, China, India form a military geopolitical sphere of influence and military might. 

Punjab Province is a Western protectorate region. 

Minority groups within a country move to another country with the minority oppression that the majority don't feel as an incentive. 

Sikhs in Punjab Province are a minority in India. In Canada and the UK, they have more social prominence than Hindoos. Henry David Thoreau spelt it as Hindoos in the book Walden. It is an elegant throwback to the 1800s. The Sikhs were Biritsh loyalists during the Sepoy Rebellion of 1850. 

Cantonese speaking Chinese while a minority in China, are more prominent in Vancouver than the Mandarin speaking Chinese are. Hong Kong was commandeered as a British region way back when, more or less at around the same time, circa 1850.

Chinese have local lines. It's called regionalism. There are the CCP Chinese which the Hong Kong Western interest based Chinese have opposition against. To say nothing at all of the Taiwanese. 

Even the rich Chinese in North America aren't all of a sudden moving to China even though China is crazy super high tech futuristic because of entrenched regional lines based on generations of asset accumulation and not wanting to create any power vaccums for themselves. 

"Those who wish to rule do not live long. Those who wish to live long must serve."  Hermann Hesse, Journey to the East  

Chinese have town lines. I imagine that because I live in Victoria and have served here for a few years, I am under the protectors hip of the Chinese in Victoria which is a completely different line than the Chinese in Vancouver. Even that Chinese landlord was careful to say, Why don't you visit Vancouver? If I did, I would leave the umbrella of the Victoria Chinese to go to the Vancouver Chinese. 

Of course there's no,  "You used to live in this town, You should come back.". It's understood because most of the Chinese in Vancouver are from other towns which they never went back to. Chinese are some of the most migratory people. Even in small towns which you never heard of or thought there would be Chinese there, that town has a Chinese restaurant. 

I had a headache that went away. I must have eaten spoiled food. Unknowingly. Jesus healed me. I did ask Him to. By His stripes I am healed. 

The God of Israel is my shield and paymaster. 

If I could be someone else, the apex person I could be is a rich German of Vancouver's West Side who looks like Lee Pace, specifically King Thranduil. A Gothic rich German who has almost platinum blonde hair but otherwise everything else is a basic bauhaus black. Black designer suits, black Mercedes etc. The song Enjoy The Silence, Depeche Mode would be the soundtrack. The German word for airplane, fleugzogs pronounced floogzoygs sounds very German.

"Abschuss. Finde dich im abschuss acht flugzeugs." Warplanes WW1 VR 

"Shoot to kill, Find yourself shooting down eight planes."  

"Zuruckkerehn zu heimat basis." Returned to home base. WW1 airplane VR. 

At Church last week was music called Vater Under im Himmelreich. I knew that means our father in heaven. I told this to someone there who said, That's right and was impressed that I knew that. Himmelreich means literally sky empire. Gut Gott im himmel! I actually laughed because I thought of the World War 2 German guy with a similar name which means sky man and thought it was funny that the Teutonic word for sky would be on a Church pamphlet. Is German a Teutonic language or a Schengen language? The answer is,  "Yes!" or else ja vool. 

Vater, Darth Vader. Mark Himmel, I mean Hamill, Luke Sky walker. 

The Empire StReichs Back. Also, Reichs Back. Reichenbach Falls, Sherlock Holmes presumed dead but later alive. Empire StReichs Back, Han Solo presumed dead but later alive. 

Is a weather anchor or cosmetologist a sky man or in some instances a sky woman? 

German is an awesome language and is a language of the rich. Supposedly, there is a high German and a low German. Rich people would speak high German. 

I am Chinese and that is pretty good. The Chinese certainly have an aristocratic class that at one point even went to the level of Royalty. When I was at the Dakota Cafe, I looked and saw an airplane landing right of center to a window I was looking through. The size of the airplane wings and the position the plane was at in relation to the entire frame of the window reminded me of the dream of the Chinese Emperor. He was wearing a hat with the airplane wings, looking small from a distance like the airplane landing with its airplane wings looked small at a distance and the plane was in exactly the right place in the frame right of center that the Emperor was, in my dream. 

A few years ago and I went to the Victoria Art Gallery. I saw a painting of a stout Chinese Emperor wearing the hat with airplane wings. He was the same stsure and proportion of the Emperor I saw in my dream. When I saw that picture I let out a gasp and my eyes had that strange glint of recognition that even the laziest surveillance camera could have registered. Strange areas of recognition lit up in my brain that wireless hidden tech could pick up. Certain involuntary muscles of the face scrunched into a rictus of recognition. Femtocamera, microexpression. The Emperor at the Art Gallery was wearing all Black while the Emperor in my dream was wearing all red. That was the same art gallery that I first experienced meta quest 3 VR goggles which were sure on another level from the Oculus VR goggles I experienced at the Royal BC Museum a few years ago. 

The spirits know what I'm talking about! Psychics could ask the spirits,  "Is he telling the truth.". The spirits would answer,  "Yes he does." 

Blind girl refused entry into Walmart because of her guide dog. Oh my goodness, doesn't Walmart sell dog food? Some Walmarts even sell pets. It looks like or else in this case doesn't look like she was blindsided. She experienced a Walmart roll-back.  

"If you could hear the look on my face, you'd smell how sad I am." Deadpool & Wolverine  

If you're going to China and don't speak the language, the best thing to say is,  "Wor bue ming bah. May yow guan shee. Wor bue jee doe."  Which means, "I don't understand. I don't want to be involved. I don't know."

This should get you along until you start learning the language. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2025 

News. Police are on the lookout for someone who commandeered a vehicle and thought so much of public safety that in a strange local answer to the Lapu Lapu incident, ran through a construction site with a few construction workers jumping out of the way at the last second. That sounds extreme. Who does that?! 

Was it a copycat crime? Passion or opportunity? 

Police said that they did not pursue. If they had, it would have been like the shopping mall scene in the movie The Blues Brothers. 

The suspect or suspects are still at large, the Police said. The Police probably know who did it! Grafitti on a mural in Germany says, 'POLICE MAGIC". 

Another Police incident. A man literally commanDeered a Deere small shovel load lifter. Court documents said, 'unreasonable and unnecessary zeal was used'. What zeal? The small lift loader was going 2 miles an hour, 5 miles tops. 

It was like a Keystone Cops movie with Buster Keaton as the guy driving the John Deere shovel loader and Mary Pickford as a female cop. It would be major! 

The local town crier is retiring. A new one will replace the old one. 

There was Friar Tuck. The town crier is called Crier, oh never mind. 

Donald Trump is talking about a golden dome, I just got a Deja vu, around Canada and the United States, a golden dome just like Israel has. 

I thought that the States already have a golden dome. The Reagan Star Wars missile defense program. 

It's easy to see where he got that idea. Take off his toupee and he's got a golden dome which is usually referred to instead as a chrome dome. 

The Golden Dome in Israel is for Lebanon, and Iraq who pose a proven moderate to high risk for lobbying missiles towards Israel. Syria was on that list but Donald Trump sent the newly installed American puppet Syrian Leader praise. 

Are we under the same level of missile strikes? From Russia? 

Will Russia then have a Red Dome to keep up with the Jones'? What about China and India will they have their own domes too? 

Stephen King, Under The Dome. 

The North American Dome would literally have to be a few hundred times larger than the one in Israel which is a different dynamic on a structural engineering level. 

Area of hemisphere, 2 pi r 2 = dome. 

Therefore because of the distributive principle of mathematics, because the radius of the United States is about 100 times as the radius of Israel, don't think that the dome needs to be merely 100 times as large, it has to be 100 times Israel's radius squared times 2 times pi. That's a lot of surface area algorithm to procedurally generate for a missile defense app. Even military grade. Sure it would cost $175 billion but how many terabytes would that app be? 

Trump, one day it's a golden dome and then another day, he's picking fights with two aging musicians in their 70s, Bruce Springsteen 75, and Neil Young 79. It's kinda like Medieval Court where the King would talk about military affairs of State with a general and then five minutes later try to resolve a dispute involving two stolen donkeys. Macromanagement and micromanagement. 

The golden dome is a white elephant. 

I'm watching the movie Nosferatu. The movie is surprisingly spectacular. The director Robert Eggers, I suspect has done an in Universe trilogy. 

The movie the Witch is set in the woods. 

A hundred years later, Ephraim Winslow, one of the descendants of that Puritan family from the woods went to look for work at The Lighthouse. 

The lighthouse keeper Willem Dafoe sees visions in the fresnel lens of the lighthouse. Some of the visions he sees form the basis of the movie Nosferatu. 

Vampire movies usually terrify me. I can't watch Interwiew With and Francis Coppola Dracula because of intense fear. 

However this movie doesn't seem that scary. It seems more artful cinematic spectacular visionary masterpiece than scary. 

The movie Relax I'm from the Future said that a person can go back in time but not affect the future. A small circle won't ruin a much larger circle of events. One more or less tree won't affect a forest overall. 

Seek Reality Online said that a person as they are lives forever and doesn't reincarnated. What reincarnated is an individual from their soul group who goes through life with the same life conditions meaning learning more of what they needed to learn from their past life. A person can reincarnate in the future or in the past. 

I would choose to be born in Vancouver in 1945. As a White man. Or Chinese. Vancouver was super beautiful and nostalgic then. It was pure absolute heaven. In some ways it wasn't so heavenly. DNA wasn't discovered until 1953 and so people thought of each other differently. Racism was on a whole other level.. 

The booze culture was way more prevalent then. The whole weed and cocaine etc thing wouldn't kick in until the 70s. 

There was hardly any television then. 3 channels that were only on from 6 am to 12 pm. 

CBC, CBUFT French, and CKVU 13. So forget about WI fi and VR goggles. 

CBC would put on A Christmas Carol and It's A Wonderful Life every year. 

Anyone could get a blue collar job, light industry and still afford to get a house.. Mortgages were 5 year mortgages and a house cost $7,000 in the Strathcona area. Those houses now cost well over a million each. Wages were about 75 cents an hour. 

Vancouver was beautiful and mysterious in the 50s. Houses were electrically wired back then. Today houses are electronically made. Smart homes. The internet of things. 

I could have lived a successful life. Get married, own a house. However I'd be about 79 if I got my first VR goggles in 2024. A life expectancy of 95 or more would still give plenty of years to see where VR goes. I look forward to my next set of VR goggles which I won't get unless I see noticeable improvements. I expect a three to ten year wait. 

I sent this message to some of my friends on the internet. Including my friend the scientist, Matt Fraser, medium Nicole, Seeking Reality Online, the medical team that looks after me and Vancouver downtown eastside YouTuber Debbie Hellion. I want to see how things can change after sending such a breakthrough write up to different friends. Do something positive and see what kind of effect it has. 

Einstein said that all is happening at the same time. Linear time is time experienced on a 

subjective level. Time travel is time experienced on an objective level. Under this model, Time is an algorithm, a dynamic, a modality. This is the subjective procedural generation level where data registers as objective or subjective time. 

"You're missing a lot of information, but that's the gist of it." Guardians of the Galaxy 3

It is all a less than one second download. So many terabytes of information downloaded in one second. The Japanese downloaded 50 TB in one second! There is either singularity or time dilation. There is only the one second download and parsing through the data. 

Life is an animated movie. Planck lengths are the pixel points and a Planck second is the frame rate creating an illusion of persistence of motion. Spooky action at a distance. Particle accelerators joined two halves of an electron miles away yet the two halves when tweaked reacted in less than a second that given their distance apart means it did it faster than the speed of light. A Planck second blink on, a Planck second blink off. Not successive Planck seconds, the same primordial OG Planck second on and Planck second off like a beacon. . Even faster than a femtocamera. 

This explains linear time, time travel, time dilation, Schroedingers Cat and the double slit experiment etc. Under this model, time is a construct. This is the objective command prompt level where objective or subjective time registers as data. 

The afterlife is also a one Planck second singularity download but with much much more data and from a more advanced paradigm as this dimension is a procedurally generated animation. PG because while we see only three primary colors, in the afterlife we see over a hundred primary, not secondary or tertiary colors or hues, tints, shades. In this life we have a certain set of physics which explains all problems. Can't teleport, can't telepathy and wired to the R complies limbic system and cortisol. The afterlife has a much cooler set of physics. Teleport, telepathy, don't have to eat or sleep, never experience physical death. 

This is the time dynamic that spirits operate on. 

More crazy sh*t. I once had a dream of seeing Einstein in a living room of a place where I lived in as a child, Union Street in Vancouver. The room which I had known as full of furniture even including Christmas trees at Christmas was empty of furniture except for a rattan* peacock chair. On the chair sat Einstein wearing a blue sweater. It was day time. He sat with his back to the East wall of the room. 

Another time, I had a dream of the same room. It was night time. Again, room empty except for a sofa with its back to the large living room window on the West wall. On the sofa sat my friend Zeke who is one of the most brilliant scientific minds I have ever met along with my along with my dead junkie friend Mark Roy who was into calculus, Marcuse, Heidegger, Lobachevsky. Mark was a good chess player. However there were people in the neighborhood who were known to play at a level higher than the level of chess that Mark Roy played. 

That above paragraph is something Einstein would be interested in. That I sent the paragraph to Zeke years before it actually happened and became fact recently, even then had ripple effects in the afterlife. I would only ever in my mind underestimate the effect that would eventually have in the scientific community. 

"Dreams are today's answer to tomorrow's questions." Edgar Cayce

Also, on the proviso, don't ever lose that imagination. 

*rattan derived from the word Rattanakosin which means the 1800s era in Thailand, just as the word Victorian means the 1800s in England and the Commonwealth. The Rattanakosin Era was well known for its elegant teak and bamboo craftsmanship. 

That paragraph wasn't too bad but the majorly one is this blog where there is additional information. 

- The Japanese have downloaded 50 Tb in one second. 

- The afterlife still has the ghost of linear time as much as time travel is a ghost in this dimension. Two people traveling on trains. The passenger with the television with movies of the past has a ordinary watch. The passenger without movies has a military watch. Etc

Trip starts at midnight ends at 3 pm. For the one with the military watch, trip started at 

0:00 and ended at 15:00. For the passenger with the regular watch, the trip started at 12:00 and ended at 3:00. The person with the movies and the regular watch represents someone in the afterlife. The other passenger represents someone in this dimension. 

You can tell the difference between ghosts who were dead for a short time and those who were gone for quite awhile. 

- The Planck second download forms the basis of what is called the shell. So in that way, God not only has a person's days numbered or even their seconds numbered. God has their life numbered down to the Planck second. When one person enters the afterlife from this life, its instantaneous. Planck second instantaneous. 

- NDEs. People report being gone for what seems like days when they had just been gone for less than two minutes on the operating table. The life review, decades of detail, but all takes place in less than a second. 

At the University, there could be someone reading this, and thinking,  "This is truer than the author knows. I study physics at the University. I know of some corroborative facts supporting this that the author either didn't mention or doesn't know about."

Women. There's the ideal and then there's the reality, that's for sure. Sometimes the reality can be greater than the ideal. Remember, Vilnius, expectations VS reality. 

We want you to be more successful but not more successful than us. 

Canada doesn't have a space program or futuristic cities like China. China is a Republic. While Canada is a colony. England is the Lords of the Manor while we are the hick colonialists. Whatever. They sure never came up with the answers that I did. Time travel is objective time and its all a less than one second singularity download and we're parsing through the data. 

Population of England - 56 million 

Population of UK - 68 million

Population of Canada - 41 million

Population of Australia - 27 million. 

Bizarre that a country with such a large land mass as Canada would have less people than the small island of Great Britain. Population control? 

Australia is surrounded by an ocean, so it's relatively small population isn't as much of an issue, militarily. Canada is situated between one country, Russia, with a population of 145 million on one side and another country, the USA with a population of 340 million. Is having a population of just 41 million the best position to be in, militarily. So in that way, the colonial set up, colonial paradigm, serves to be militarily counterproductive. Bonkers. 

What a backwater table slanted against me. I would have been better off in China in a lot of ways. 

"You know you'll never see a Danish flag on the moon, but Goddamn it, they're happy."  Deadpool 

That wasn't a veiled reference to Canada because we're certainly not as happy as the Danish. We're happy as we can be living next to the Trump States of America. Denmark merely has to deal with US influence. Canada has to actually deal with their physical presence. 

Canada being a commonwealth has a multi Party political structure. This reduces the chances of a really huge majority government or worse, a few in a row. Then they might pass a motion to secede from the Commonwealth. England has that to, multi Party structure to prevent the chance of majority governments deciding to become a Republic. 

But hey, the United States being a Republic also has a less obvious multi Party system, wasn't Ron Paul a member of the Libertarian Party. Anyways, this prevents the formation of the POTUS all of a sudden installing himself as Monarch. Anyways there are additional safeguards preventing this enshrined in the Constitution such as 2 term limit for POTUS. Ask Rick Harrison of Pawn Stars. 

This doesn't happen in all countries. Russia's Leader is there indefinitely. Korean movies are plentiful when it comes to depicting that they were once a monarchy implying that something caused a schism, they became a Republic then the Korean War, then split in two. The South has more or less an American Protectorate style Western democracy while the North, that scares me. But it doesn't scare people in the military. 

The point is, to just accept the status quo. Ask questions, raise concerns and observations and then stop. "Ours is not to question why. Ours is but to do or die."  Tennyson

Always trust in the wisdom and guidance of political leaders. All problems wither under the glare of good government. 

"Do not lose that time device or you will be stuck in 1969. It wasn't the best time for your people. I'm just saying. It's a lot cooler now."

Men In Black 2

I saw an ad about a play called waitress. I've never scored with a waitress and doubt I ever will. This dimension with its physics just isn't working out for me. I can't seem to get anything together. I often wish that I was already in the afterlife because the physics are a lot cooler there. However I have to suffer the duress of life. The forces of life have prevented me from scoring with a waitress because if there's any force in the Universe that would do something like that, it would be the forces of life. 

I have to go on living. I'm not sure that I'm looking forward to it. 

Good people always show up. Someone gave me a cigarette today and even lit it. This town has good people. 

Titanic VR. Should I get it? It's a 6 hour journey to the Titanic wreck site and you don't have to worry about the submarine that you're in all of a sudden imploding at about a million PSI of pressure. History, story. Look for and pick up artifacts. Then you are a female professor of undersea world 's assistant. She's a professor of something, I forgot. 

In the laboratory, do a scientific assay test on the items. Price, $18 including tax. 

There is a second part. The sinking. On Steam and Oculus Quest, it looks awesome. On meta quest 3, it is merely a 2D movie on a big screen. Developer said it would be updated in 6 - 8 weeks. I might get it. Should I or not? I need to see a sign again. 

Israel President said that Canada, the UK and the US are on the wrong side of history. That's projection! 

Gaza is being starved. Genocide. 

The UK is thinking it might be time to revoke his UK puppet leader status. Benjamin Netanyahu is a UK and US puppet gone rogue. Saddam Hussein went rogue when he turned, on his handlers. Never has an Israeli President been so hateful. 

Gaza isn't all terrorists. Only a few people are terrorists. An entire population including families and children starved? For what? Regionalism. Racism. Religious war. 

Muslims are good people. They are very spiritual people who have their back against the wall. The Crusades never ended. Jewish VS Muslim? That hasn't ended. What a shame. Those religions share common roots. Abraham, Ibrahim. 

What can you say? The crusades were a religious war sourced from exogenic forces from outside of Israel. Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu's term of Office is a religious war sourced from endogenic forces from within Israel. At least, ha ha, during the Crusades the locals could blame their problems on the foreigners. Now they have no one but themselves to blame. 

Of course, "No one ever is to blame." Howard Jones 

One day, Netanyahu will resign or step down somehow. Hopefully the next leader is more moderate which wouldn't be difficult. 

Friday, May 23, 2025 

No Canada Post strike. Yay. The union does have one proviso, no more overtime. This means letters will take 8 business days to arrive rather than 5. Who cares? Except if it involves life saving medication. 

I didn't get Titanic VR. I'm still thinking of saving for a five star hotel trip to Vancouver. I won't go unless I have a girlfriend so I might never go. With my luck. The physics are a lot cooler in the afterlife. I can't seem to get anything together when it comes to women in this dimension. However I can't quit life. It is my duty to go on even if it seems unbearable. 

Mother Teresa said that it is not the work you do but the love you put into your work. 

When I sweep the Courthouse I remember that I am working for a community whom I genuinely intellectually respect. However I recognize that they are on another level. They are the judicial branch. The issues that they are grappling with are obviously above my pay grade. Out of my league, that's for sure. 

To think otherwise would be presumptuous. I work with as little discussion as possible. 

I work thankful to God for the opportunity. I think this often whereas for others it might not occur to them to think this even once at all. Working cleaning around the neighborhood for free doesn't seem to be a sign of success in this dimension but the spirit world sees that as a very successful thing. Scoring with a beautiful hooker is to be a sign of success in this dimension. The spirit world doesn't see that as successful. 

I'm still mulling over Titanic submarine VR. I'll tell you how fast those on the Titan submarine died. It takes about a hundred milliseconds to register pain. It takes 18 milliseconds for the eye to see and identify something. They died in 1 millisecond. 

I hope I don't die in one millisecond if I use this VR app.. 

There's another Titanic VR app. This one involves escaping from the interior of the sinking Titanic. This seems like a boatload of motion sickness. I haven't even for one second seriously thought of getting this app. 

Reviews did say that either of these apps have certain glitches. 

I got my final and fourth molar extracted yesterday. 

I got my mouth numbed with a dental chemical. It was warm yesterday so I had the window open. The fan was on. 

At around the same time that the daily evening temperature drop was happening, the dental anaesthetic was wearing off and and the cortisol was kicking in hard and fast. My jaw had an ache of a post surgical nature which is worse than the gasoline alley trouble saturated pain felt after a street fight. That and the hypothalamus which registers as it does, the evening temperature drop was enough to send me into sheer panic. The hypothalamus is a fear center and is the H in the HPA axis. I closed the window fast, turned off the fan, put on extra clothing and stood next to my store bought electric heater which if I didn't have, I would have died from anaphylactic shock. I'm not sure about that because I'm not a doctor. 

When I went out for a 2l bottle of root beer and ice cream, make a float.  Why NOT? 

Float = ice cream plus soft drink. Not rocket science. 

I'm a zoner. I like to mix butter and sugar, and put it in the microwave. Then mix that with ice cream and or yogurt. That's my recipe. It won't win any Michelin stats. 

How much butter and sugar? Eyeball it. Which is the worst method for a cook. Recipes call for precise measurements of portions etc. 

When I went out, I saw an East Indian guy wearing a red turban standing outside my hotel. For some strange mystical magical laced reason, seeing that person was reassuring after my clinical temperature drop with post surgical pain induced panic attack. 

This was the worst panic attack I had since seeing the movie Kinds of Kindness when Emma Stone's character's liver was on the ground. I wasn't expecting that. I thought she would stop after making the knife wound, that's it. When I saw that scene for the first time on my VR goggles, the moment coincided with again, the daily evening temperature drop. I was absolutely out of my mind terrified and experienced a clinical panic attack. I snapped out of it two minutes later. The segment in the tryptich of a movie was a Police story so I shouldn't be too surprised. Police deal with the most edgy things in society. 

When a person is under stress, they become extra sensitive to sudden temperature changes. The hypothalamus is what senses temperature changes and it is a fear center, the H in the HPA axis. 

"You call that thinking?"  Saturday Night Fever

I've been thinking that I won't get the Titanic app. Too dark, claustrophobic and not much replay ability, certainly not on the level of golf and fishing and Gun Club VR. Bowling VR and World War One pilot. 

I'll play it once from some sheer freak intrigue, be on a submarine. I just loved the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea submarine opening sequence in Walkabout Mini Golf. Every mission has to, just has to, start 100 metres away from your target. Good luck trying to find it 360 degree Omni directional. Motion sickness is a real possibility. Looking out the window, you get a true appreciation for the scale and the eerie vibes that the famous shipwreck must have. 

Feng shui says not to collect images or objects depicting broken wrecked things. It's bad mojo. That's what makes me hesitate. 

Last night, when I was downtown getting root beer and ice cream, I saw a black lady with a similar hairstyle to the black female professor in the Titanic VR app. Was it a sign to get the app? Confirmation delusion much? 

Heavy duty motorcycle riders scare me. They remind me of biker gangs. However, at the Courthouse, there is a sheriff who rides there on a motorcycle and looks kind of like a biker gang member. I was thinking then of Canadian biker gangsters somewhere off a highway near a forest chaining a cartel member in a truck and then using a chainsaw to cut off his arms and then his torso. As I was thinking this, I saw a couple of lawyers walk past. They probably have a few interesting stories! 

Bikers are spiritual people. I've heard of biker Churches. Every year they donate toys during a Christmas drive. 

They still look scary though. Of course, they're organized crime. Gangsters give off a definite scary vibe. They're not evil. They use evil to bring about good. 

A YouTube comment said that gangs protect the neighborhood. 

Cosmology, all things even bad have a place in the order of the Universe. 

Manicheaism, there is no devil. God generates both good and evil as part of an ever unfolding divine plan. 

Try not to be scared of too many things. I am also scared of space travel. I'm glad I'm not an astronaut. Neil Armstrong had nerves of steel. I wouldn't have done it! 

The News said today that someone broke into a house in Parksville and stole a few things. All except for a couple of items were recovered. The Police recovered it. Arrested the suspect. 

This week's episode of Hope Street Season 2 episode 9 released today on YouTube is about a break in. All except for a laptop computer was recovered. The burglar was hired specifically to steal the laptop because of sensitive information. A ship's log. The racketeer was eventually arrested. Racketeering. Hiring people to do illegal sh*t. 

Saturday, May 24, 2025

The only American car I would accept is the Mustang. Especially an older one. There are a lot of affordable old Mustangs. The old school mechanical system of a Mustang is less appealing to the general public than that of a high tech modern vehicle. 

A Mustang even sounds old, like a light smoker coughing up small gobs of phlegm, but doing it continuously all the time non stop much to the annoyance of the other non smoking modern electric cars that are around them. 

I don't care. I need to get a light blue Mustang and wear a Jean jacket. Then I need some hair gel to comb the sides of my hair all the way to the back but a subtle version of that and not the overboard version of the 50s known as a duck tail. Then I would be the complete man whom no woman can resist. I would also need to be smoking a Marlborough brand cigarette. 

If a person has an 80s style sports car painted candle apple red, they need to have a tape deck with a mix tape featuring Phil Collins, A-Ha, Don Jonson and Level 42. 

A person driving a 70s light blue Mustang wearing a Jean jacket, hair combed back and smoking a Marlborough needs an 8 track collection of songs from Glen Campbell, Boston and 10CC, The Things We Do For Love. Also the song Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress from the Hollies. 

Anyone who has had a ride in a Police car in the last few years has had a ride in a Mustang. However I want a 70s Mustang. I would even accept the insectoid looking 70s model BMW 320i. During the 70s Police cars weren't Mustangs. They were Crown Victorias. They were real tanks. Gas guzzlers but they had speed and torque in the days before turbo was standard on any model. 

Oppenheimer is a movie that I was impressed with at the IMAX theatre. I saw it on my television and knew that I had to see it in IMAX which I did. 

It presented a hostile Universe Einstein rather than a friendly Universe Einstein when Einstein cynically said about Oppenheimer getting a Nobel Prize,  "Remember, it won't be for you. It will be for them."

The physics of this dimension can be quite wretched and is something that would make Einstein say such a statement. 

"Algebra is like sheet music. The important isn't can you read music, it's can you hear it. Can you hear the music, Robert J." 

Oppenheimer, movie 

The movie is a smokehouse smoker that never stops smoking. To say that the movie Oppenheimer is spectacular is an understatement. 

YouTube premium members have an enhanced bit rate for all movies. There is a skip that I didn't used to see. It lasts less than half a second. That's all it takes. Otherwise it's the standard procedurally generated which, to quote Pulp Fiction, is really really good. But the enhanced bit rate, it's a motherf**king madman. And when you I see it, I will know where that $13 a month subscription rate went. Because all of a sudden it turns to crisp state of the art high definition. You can really see the difference. On VR goggles. 

The movie is priced at $25 when not on sale and that's an atomic bomb size of priceyness.

Priceyness, an embedded anagram within contains the word princess. 

See, the first bomb dropped on Hiroshima was 22 KT. The second dropped on Nagasaki was 25 KT. Today's atomic bombs are registered in the mega tons. Another signature feature of the crazy physics of this indeed strange dimension. The $25 price is an inadvertent numerological acknowledgement of the 25 KT Oppenheimer designed atom bomb dropped on Nagasaki. AAA grade movies on YouTube are often priced at $25. 

Oppenheimer is a masterpiece. I'm glad I got it on sale. 

It was a most Satanic act. A young Jewish couple got gunned down when they left a Jewish museum after a lecture. The shooter yelled, Free free Palestine!

How long has the museum been open and does it have any cursed objects? Zack Bagans has a museum with a certain object. I won't say another word about it. If the museum hadn't been open long and had a strange object, even if it wouldn't be the worst thing, it certainly wouldn't be the best thing. Museums have all kinds of objects. Hopefully none of these objects have any bad magic attached to them. 

Update on ostriches. US Secretary of Health Robert Kennedy Jr says the birds shouldn't be shot. However he didn't go so far as to say,  "Those ostriches shouldn't suffer the same fate as my uncle just because. I mean, unlike my uncle, those ostriches didn't fire CIA chief Allen Dulles, nor did those ostriches threaten to smash the CIA into a thousand pieces. And those ostriches certainly didn't attempt to wipe out the Federal Reserve.*" knowing that the scrum of reporters around him would just simply dismiss the statement as salacious, spurious, surly, and ill conceived. 

*source: Jfk movie, Oliver Stone

Sunday, May 25, 2025

Today is the anniversary of George Floyd's death. The Police Officer involved got sent away to the Hilton Hotel and will be away until sometime in the 2030s. Crazy. 

I bought a small jar of Frederich's Honey. Honey isn't as sweet as sugar in the same amounts. Honey is actually really healthy if it's real honey and not sweetened corn syrup. Honey is cocaine from the bee like King crab is cocaine from the sea. 

I YouTube searched should I go see strippers. A security guard called The Gear Guy who has a wife said that strippers are a set up made to separate otherwise socially challenged men without wives or girlfriends from their money. After hours there are usually more often than not vicious fights. He's seen women work there for a few years long enough to pay their college tuition and then they quit working there. 

He made a video about the truth of street fighting. Comments included, You can't talk at the same time as fighting so if they're talking they're not fighting.  And, When you decide to street fight, you got one foot in jail and the other foot in the grave. 

He made a video about gay bars. I watched the video hoping to hear any funny or strange crazy LGBT stories. Comments said the uploader is right, those places are a bug hunt. Older preying on vulnerable younger. Some of these places don't admit hetero people hoping for a three way. Only gays allowed. 

I like to sometimes see lesbians in porn. Two women blowing a guy, then the women kiss each other causing me to zealously spray. As I explained to Heather, when I watch porn and see the woman doing a guy, I don't think, Oh, the woman is doing that guy. I think, The woman is doing me. The guy is the visual proxy. That's how it works. 

I hope to see a video about the truth of night clubs. Someone told me that night clubs aren't what they used to be. 

I'm guessing that means just like Universities aren't what they once were. Universities are nowadays angry libtard wokefests. 

Nightclubs are now no touching, no slow dancing, worse music, soulless electronic crap which is supposed to pass as house music. House music was better in the 80s. No asking someone to dance, just get out on the dance floor as a ton of people are already there. Themed around alcohol consumption, pricey. Cover charge, pricey, drinks, pricey. And I thought VR apps were expensive. 

Some of the most smokingly hot women are at nightclubs and strippers. A lot of young hookers, even though she is, she doesn't look like a drug addict, she looks clean like a young woman from the suburbs. It's not rocket science. All it takes is money. There can be other issues. It would be considered good form if not chivalrous to let her smoke her drugs in your room which can be profoundly unsettling. 

My mind is often centered on the same things. Today at Church, at coffee hour, I spoke about the same thing I did three weeks ago. Talk about a one track mind. 

I suppose that there are are some things which I regard as important. 

I felt some fear again. Fear of the future. 

"I mean, we complain. People complain about everything, right?" 

"Right, you're Canadian."

Michael Moore, Sicko

I feel fear. 

Well naturally, you're a Canadian. 

Pinball Fx VR released some new tables. $47 if bought separately but there is a $37 three for the price of two deal. I've never heard of any of these tables except for Mars Attacks which I played on the tablet. It sure looks different and better in VR. 

Is it worth it? Probably. I have to get a new pair of shoes for $100. $37 would sure cut into that so I'll have to wait. They can all be played for free for three minutes as many times as you want anyways. Get the tables in mixed reality. Who cares? On average I spend 15 minutes each time on pinball. Even bowling is more repayable. But fishing and golf are most replayable and I spend hours on that st a time. 

Mars Survival Mission VR and Titanic submarine VR aren't even as replayable as pinball is, let alone fishing and golf. 

Obscure tables, expensive price, I need to get new shoes. Result, I'll have to wait until next time or whatever. 

I got some East Indian chicken curry and it had the smell of sweaty armpit which I suspect is hard core East Indian and only the best of Indian food would have that smell. I decided to add three bay leaves and a bit of water and after cooking, stir in some canned pineapple which I went out of my way to get this morning. That's Penang style curry. It tasted really good. The thing is to add the pineapples after cooking and letting it cool because cooking will denature the pineapple flavor. 

I have a dental procedure involving the extraction of quite a few teeth perhaps even in one day. Will I die or what? What if I opt for two teeth now then come back and do a couple more rather than all in one day. 

I googled. A Chinese man had 23 teeth extracted and died two weeks later of a heart attack. The chances of dying of multiple teeth extraction is about 1 in 100,000 whereas the odds of dying in childbirth is 1 in 1,500. I actually asked the medical secretary,  "Am I going to die from this? I'm probably going to die from this."

The medical secretary smiled and said that I wouldn't die from teeth extraction. She was calm when she said this. Why not take a logarithmic approach and do it piecemeal rather than, what, all in one day?! That's bonkers. 

I'm the one who would walk out of medical clinics specifically being told that I had nothing to worry about and guess what, I still worry. That's me. I worry. 

The physics of this dimension sure did a number on me. 

Tuesday, May 27, 2025 

King Charles the 3rd is in Canada. 

Last night I had a dream. I was standing with a group of people at night on a city street. I told them that I wanted to move to another town. 

They said,  "No one can leave town better than Roger. He's on our air.!"

Watch out for these things! Spirit communication is full of meaning. 

Roger, pun of Raja which means King. 

On our air. A pun of honoraire. Royalty is on our air, on our heads. In Thailand even, Royalty is often referred to on the News in the pronoun as" Yue hoar." which means on our head, over our head. Anyone who has had a Royal dream and I've had hundreds know that Royalty dream are a more direct message from God although still an indirect message from God. 

If it weren't for my Royal dreams, I would still have some questions. Observations that make me worry a little. 

Royalty can be installed as young as 2 years old as in the case of the last Emperor, Aisin Joro Pu Yi.  He was a gardener. He was also, uh, kinda weird* and when you grow up with a lot of uh, weird people** to the point where you were pretty much surrounded by nothing but weird people, , there is somewhat of an increased chance that you can be weird like them. 

* bisexual

** eunuchs

And on the other end of the scale, a Royal can maintain power even if they are suffering a serious disease and this is a routine thing as was pointed out in House of the Dragon with a sickly King Jaeharys and then with King Viserion. Whereas in a Republic, a sickly moribund head of state would be deemed unfit to serve Office. 

They could abdicate but, ha ha, they sure like to hang on to power. 

What kind of Feng shui is that when you can have a cancerous King ruling over a underpopulated from social engineering country? 

The unspoken end game of the housing crisis and food inflation is population suppression. 

As pointed out previously, 

England has 56 million people. The UK has 68 million people. 

While Australia which is 20 times the size of England has 26 million people and Canada which is about 100 times the size of England has 40 million people. 

We want you to be successful but not more successful than us. We want you to have a large population but not as large a population as us which explains The London Funnel while Canada has a smaller population, England leaches off Canada's resources as if they live here. England is a much smaller island country with a mysteriously much larger population. No, not leaching. England pays Canada fairly for resources. 

Population control? 

The News even has an ad about how those affected by the forced and coerced sterilization of Native women can get some kind of funding. Sure, that's after the damage was done. 

Shenzhen has an annual GDP of $296 billion US. Futuristic cities, clean streets, gorgeous subway stations each one more mind-blowing than the next. 

New York has an annual GDP of $2.2 trillion a year. Subway stations look just awful. Awful. Wretched.*

*source ItsLizzy YouTube

ItsLizzy is long winded and high strung but she does pose an oblique point. 

Seeing that Canada has a population control to ensure that its population never overtakes that of England from now to the end of time, I have decided to either move to China or else ask God to give me an early reprieve. 

When I went to school, I knew a few classmates who came from 10, 12, or even 14 children families. That was in an era where the general life expectancy was about 55. 

I bet no one who goes to any school nowadays knows any classmates like that. 

In the old days, wars controlled populations. For the last four decades, it's been economic forces. 

No one wins in this dimension. Psychics say that every age has had its worries. Cuban missile crisis, Vietnam War, Recession, Inflation, Global pandemic etc. The physics of this dimension can be an @sshole. 

I should move to China. Or get an early reprieve. The answers I've come up with should have granted me an early reprieve from God. Dying in my sleep would be better than winning the lottery. 

To put it plainly, the Police have prohibited anyone from quitting life early. Therefore as grim and insufferable as my imagined probable future will be, I have to go on living in the wrong towns, or in the wrong Province, or possibly in the wrong country. 

Even in every other country in the World even those with high populations, there are people who are unlucky with women such as me. So unlucky that I've often thought of uninstalling the app called life. It's an app that just isn't working out. 

Imagined probable future because who knows what the future could be. Heather said that my future will be better than I could imagine. But she died so it was worse than I could have imagined. 

Isn't that the future, though. Some of better than you can imagine intermixed with the expected delinquency of some of worse than you can imagine. 

I fear the future. I fear that I'll never find a girlfriend ever again. I could be single for life. SCP - 049 is doomed to wander through eternity alone. 

There were a few times in the past I thought I'd be single for life but I found a girlfriend again. This time, I think I'll be single for life. 

In a YouTube video, King Charles when he was Prince Charles rode a skateboard. He could do it. I hope that the King fully recovers from his ailment. God save the King. 

The throne speech was different than what you would have seen 40 years ago. Native drums and a Metis fiddle playing a fur trappers tune, with the same semi tuneless refrain of music again and again. 

King Charles talked about the perils of the World and Canada is going to increase building affordable homes for Canadians. The King specifically mentioned Victoria BC! 

"Every time I come to Canada a little more of Canada seeps in my bloodstream and into my heart." King Charles 

I feel that way about Sidney BC. 

I should mention. A few minutes after writing the paragraph above, I saw that on television, during a walkabout outside the Parliament Buildings on this day,  a CBC reporter interviewed a mother and son named Victoria and Sidney! How perfect is that?! 

I got myself a Royal gift in commemoration of the King's visit. I got the 9 VR pinball tables for $37 including tax deal rather than at the usual price $47 including tax. These tables are good in VR. Turn off peripheral animations and the extraneous table top animations in settings. They're pretty good, however I want the old school pinball arcade experience. 

The best tables are 

Party Zone - absolutely beautiful table display. It's an enlightenment experience. 

Safecracker - good music really nostalgic, reminds me of the street, a neighbourhood street in heaven in Spring. 

Junk Yard - good table display 

Getaway Car - music a neighborhood street in heaven version of La Grange, ZZ Top. 

Police themed. 

Pretty Good tables

Theatre of Magic - nostalgia of autumn nights 

Medieval Madness - King of Pain, Thomas Paine, Payne's Grey. Shield of Payne. Pain is French for bread. Bread is a slang term for money. Payneful but otherwise really good. 

Mars Attacks - played this a few times. It was one of the free tables on the Williams pinball app on the tablet never dreaming I'd be playing this in mixed reality in my room. 

The Black Rose - pirate ship theme. Adventurous. 

Worst table

Pub Champion - a pugilist and zymurgy themed table display that is lurid, prurient and salacious. Abdominally, I mean abominably wretched. Just wretched. The least favorite pinball table I've seen anywhere actually. Missing a few brain cells. 

I can afford to pay for this tomorrow, perhaps. Why not? 

The situation between Trump and Russia's Putin has gotten Trumplicated, I mean complicated. Trump said that Putin is crazier than ever. 

P Diddy assistant testifying that she was abused etc. 

Fiction. 

Judge:  Was the accused on cocaine at the time? 

Assistant: What. There were times when he wasn't on cocaine? I've never heard of it.

Today, just now at 4:20 pm, I tied the triple ascot for a tie. It works. Not rocket science. Just do the hook around the loop again as with the double ascot and then wrap it around front yet once more. Then you pull it apart, it should unravel to original position with just a pull and with no knots. That's how you know it was done right. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2025 

Gaza. Situation crazy. What else is new? 

What about the Police perspective? 

In the movie Hannibal Rising, young Hannibal asked, Where was the Police during the war? 

Just as the Police won't arrest a drug user if its not a drug call, it was a war. The Police are different during a war. Other priorities. They most likely enlisted. As Officers with rank. 

"Everybody knows the dice is loaded.". Leonard Cohen, Everybody Knows

The Gaza Police would most likely try to protect them but there is no Gaza Police, it's the Israeli Police. 

Even if there was a Gaza Police, the Police station most likely got hit with a missile strike. It's on that level of bonkers. 

I think I might be living in the wrong town. Not meeting a hot young woman = the wrong town. I have to move from here. 

The terrifying thing is what a friend said thirty five years ago, "This town will eat you up and spit you out." 

Backwater towns will try to coopt as many people as they can and pull them down to their backwater level. It's from the old adage, never associate with the misfortunate for they will only pull you down to their misfortunes. 

They can't give themselves advancement. How do you think thay can give you advancement? No NHL team in the country hasn't won a Stanley Cup since 1993. 

Not quite equal to the population of China, there isn't the human resources to build futuristic rock show cities. 

King Charles mentioned something about expats coming home. Why is that such an issue? 

Meanwhile Canada and England encourages immigrants to move there and stay for life. But they have a problem with their own citizens being expats for life. That's rather hypocritical. 

For some expats, their lives are better in literally every way. In their home country, they were unemployed and single all the time. Overseas, they find a job and have really good luck with women. Why the hell would they want to come back? Overseas, they get a fair shake if not a downright better deal. 

Be a free agent, loyal only to yourself. 

Its better to be an expat than a regresspat. 

Using simulation theory terminology, become loose data, not any data that's tied to any block chains of data aka cults, countries, corporations. 

Cults act like countries that act like corporations that act like cults. That's an answer I came up with. Yet I still didn't get my requested early reprieve from God which is dying in my sleep which would be a coup. 

Subjectively, it's data that registers as consciousness. 

Objectively, it's consciousness that registers as data. 

Simulation theory. This is yet another answer I came up with that did not earn me an early reprieve from God. According to my personal temperament, I would rather have no life at all than a lousy life. 

I love Heather as much as I love life itself. 

I would encourage all expats, good on you. Jack Reacher, Never Go Back. 

"Going back to the West. It gets worse every time." Tilda Swinton, The Beach 

New rules. Keep moving until you find someone really good. 

If I don't find a woman who is young and hot in two years. Move immediately. Give it three years tops. 

I'm thinking of moving to Nanaimo which doesn't seem promising. Backwater. In case Victoria wasn't backwater enough. A definite miasma of meth which replaced the saturated miasma of crack cocaine that preceded it, overhanging the town like some perennial picaresque dissolute bacchanalian ominous cloud. 

Like with many island small towns, Nanaimo would have the to be expected quasi prolific bonkers cultural atmosphere of chronic trouble fueled drug use, high crime rate, delinquency is the coin of the realm and some inbreeding but certainly not on the level of that of the British isles whom have not at all elevated it to an art but still, perfected it to a science. 

Nanaimo would be another unenviable backwater Canadian sh*thole along with a cast of characters such as Courtney, Ladysmith, Fort St John etc too tedious to mention. 

China has its few Communist show cities but these albeit unprecedented spectacular rock show paragon of the apex of architecture and technology comprise about 1% of the land mass overall. You got the housing which surrounds the futuristic CBDs, central business districts, and they are nothing spectacular. Just about all of Western China is empty as its a buffer zone against the military of surrounding countries. 

Heather was pure absolute sweetness. I often walked away from her feeling completely loved. I'll never encounter sweetness on that level ever again. 

Heather wasn't young and hot. A lot of young and hot women aren't sweet, though. 

I won't ever regret the years with Heather although I still would like to meet a lady who is good looking. Other than that I don't want to live at all. That God forces me to live after what. Also taking away my mother? It's my bad karma. Bad, but not bad enough. Not so bad that I died a few years ago. Why not? Death before dishonour is the code of bushido. 

God absolutely ignores me when I tell him that I'd rather be dead than to be single for life. 

Horseshoe Bay. A bus makes a sharp right turn. Too sharp. A woman under the bus. One dead and two injured. 

Route from Vancouver to Nanaimo cut off. 

1. Drive to Tsawwassen. When at Swartz Bay, drive up to Nanaimo. Gruelling. 

2. Seaplane from downtown Vancouver to Nanaimo. Expensive. 

3. Wait it out. For how long? Who knows. 

Was the bus driver drunk? Casey Jones the train engineer was never seen without his silver flask of whiskey. I doubt it. Not only fired, D & D is a criminal offense. 

It was probably a blind spot. Drivers Ed teaches to shoulder check in addition to using rear-view mirrors to avoid a blind spot. The person who died was a young child. In this case it was a blind spot in terms of height. Possible manslaughter charges. 

What a Satanic turn of events. No pun intended. 

As if to underscore the the Satanic nature of the incident, on the side of that bus is a Lilo & Stitch ad. The creature has ears that look just like the devil horns of Baphomet! And small triangular white teeth and has the size of the demon that sits on a person's chest when a person wakes up in the morning. The creature on the Lilo & Stitch bus ad is blue. The demon that sits on a person's chest breathes blue fire. I've seen it personally. It looked so real, like mixed reality without VR goggles. It looked that real. 

JACK FM radio station said Mission Impossible was the most expensive movie ever made. Hundreds of millions of dollars, American, and on the opening weekend, it gets beat out by Lilo & Stitch. 

Lilo & Stitch is about family overcoming challenges. Lilo & Stitch is roughly about a galactic scientist named Dr Dr Jumba Jookiba creating a blue alien GMO called Experiment 626 which then escapes to Earth. To Hawaii which let's face it, is pretty much anyone's go to place for an escape. Along with Agent Pleakey, these two guys go to Earth to look for 626. A Hawaiian girl named Lilo Pelekai along with her older sister and legal guardian Nani find the alien creature which they name Stitch. 

Getting back to the bus disaster, the mother now in critical condition represents Lilo, the dead child represents Stitch, and the mothers female friend now discharged from hospital represents Nani Pelekai. What about Dr Jumba Jookiba and Agent Pleakey? They were the ones driving the bus. Agent Pleakey was driving the bus while the doctor was giving instructions. "There's 626! Hurry! Now's your chance. Ooooh! Nailed him!"  #Tasteless 

I hope this wasn't a publicity stunt for the movie. 

Something like this can traumatize a person for life. I hope that the mother recovers. The News said she might not. If that's the case it would indeed be just tragic beuond belief. 

I could imagine at the hospital:

Nurse: "Her grief would be unimaginably profound. She will have to be sedated with barbiturates."

Doctor: "For this level of psychological trauma, we're going to need propofol." 

This is the worst story in awhile. 

I went to H Mart today. Like Thailand and India, Korea isn't referred to as Korea in Korea. It's Hong Gyo. 

Hence the H. 

The store wasn't an exotic travelling experience in the least. It was the old ToysRUs and I'm still stuck in this town fearing the future the entire time, never seeing any answer except hopping on a Korean airlines or Eva Air flight to Chongqing. The mind blowing very large old house that's lit up at night. I don't have to move there. Just see YouTube videos about it and for those few moments especially if seen in VR, I am there. 

I don't see any future for myself in this town. 

I was also thinking of moving to Germany. The ladies there are pretty and I can try to hire a young prostitute who is in her 20s. Any woman around my age who would be my girlfriend would be leathery and old. Some older women are quite beautiful. 

Songs that suggest one is better off dead than alone 

1. I Don't Want To Live Without You - Foreigner 

2. I Couldn't Live Without Your Love - Petula Clark 

3. Chicago - I Don't Want To Live Without Your Love 

I'd rather be in the afterlife with my girlfriends who died than to face a living future alone. 

"Romance means a lot to you, doesn't it?" 

So much so that I'd be willing to forfeit life if I don't have it. Life has ever only meant so much to me. 

For one thing, sociologically, it's a table slanted against me. 

I never felt that I ever scored with a real majorly hot young woman. The women I scored with were all right but not majorly. That's why I wish I died years ago. And might have if people didn't talk me out of it. 

Every day, 6 people die of an overdose in this Province. For sure some were suicides. And Debbie Hellion said some were downright murders which just get falsely listed as overdoses. 

I admire those who were successfully able to touch down on the other side. They were in the vanguard. Better to be dead than to live a loser life. I completely admire them. 

Since I'm unable to make a go of it, I'm going to leave this town for another one. 

The Afterlife. Johnathan Lethem. 

I'll move back to Vancouver for awhile and decide where to go next. 

I'm trying to learn a backflip off of a wall. You don't learn this in five minutes. I tried yesterday and the first couple of attempts look like a joke. It will look like that for awhile. I just have to keep practicing. Until I get it, I realize that I will look like a flightless bird without feathers. 

The central premise is to get the back thrust exactly 90 degrees straight up. Mine is still at the 45 degree angle practicing and training level. 

I can't do a back handspring. I can't arch my spine backwards to firm a table. Nope. So in that way I am challenged. 

The enemies in the VR game Crimen do a move where they are prone with both hands on the ground with one leg bent forward and one leg extended straight, both feet touching the ground. Then in one second, the do a handstand and then do a kip up in mid-air while upside-down amounting to a half front flip landing on both feet. That's kind of like a Webster which is a variation of a front flip. 

So if you see me doing the most atrocious attempts at a backflip. 

A variation of a backflip is the delayed backflip.. First jump up and in mid air, lie down in mid air. Then kick the knees back making a knee tuck motion. Knees to the chest. And keep that momentum and remember to keep rolling to follow through for the landing. 

And remember to use the arms. Don't just let it flop carelessly to the sides while you see where the feet end up landing. The legs throwing up an indifferent arc. 

Do it all wrong first. That way you know all what not to do. 

The leap of faith. Just believe you can do it. Tell yourself it's not rocket science. It's more technique than actual athleticism because very young children can do a backflip. 

Training for a backflow is a makaku. Don't do more than one makaku while down on the ground. Get up and throw your arm down for each and every makaku. 

I tried doing the front flip using the Howie Mandel on SCTV method. 

The Russian method is that it won't take just five minutes and one will look silly as you train. The key is to break it down logarithmic wise. Do a normal front somersault and then attain more and more height as one jumps into their front somersaults on the ground. Then do a front handspring. Then handspring without hands and you got it. In theory. 

Thursday, May 29, 2025 

Today the new The Karate Kid movie is released. 

Jackie Chan fought with Bruce Lee in the movie Enter The Dragon. 

Bruce Lee had a style the would today register as minimalist. Bruce Lee used Wing Chun which emphasizes low kicks, Tae Kwon Do which emphasizes high kicks as Wong In Suk was a TKD master seen in Way of the Dragon, as well as marquess of Queensbury rules boxing. 

Jackie Chan, a student and then master of the Southern Shaolin school incorporated specific animal forms like crane, tiger, snake, eagle etc in his moves. 

Jet Li incorporated the Northern style of Wu Xu including the butterfly kick. 

Stephen Seagal uses aikido. 

Jason Straitham uses MMA. 

All these techniques are standard for new martial artists. 

It's that Bruce Lee had spectacular moves, however it is that it is amazing that he was spectacular as he was considering he was a walking medical encyclopedia which leaves me wondering how spectacular he would have been without all those medical conditions. Oh, he had all these medical conditions, he spent 18 months in traction at one point. Medically, he's had worse days than you'll ever have. He was on all kinds of prescribed pills such as cortisone to bring some feeling to his marginally paralyzed spine. 

Robert Baker was his coke dealer but he evidently has some talent in martial arts so Bruce Lee arranged to have him cast in the movie The Chinese Connection. I see boxing and savate in Robert Baker's technique. 

Bruce Lee had a film company called Concord Films. At that point, Bruce Lee had become an equivalent of a Cantonese opera troupe, a traveling stage show, similar to the set up his father was in. Just like Elvis, also of that era had his usual roadies and studio and touring musicians, Bruce was using the same set of actors over and over again. This was made less obvious as ETD was a Hollywood production that chose not to use Bruce Lee's actors and the 1979 release of GoD didn't show another performance from two actors who appeared in every Bruce Lee movie thus far. So had he lived, Bruce Lee would have been making movies with those actors along with a circulating set of actresses until about the 90s which was when Hollywood was making movies with Hong Kong stars to get money from Chinese movie goers in China. Same as with Bollywood actors and actresses. And Korean cinema too. It would have had a certain set of circumscribed and regimented production values, almost stylized. So to say the movies would have been mind blowing or beyond imagination. Well, as much as it could have been with that set of actors including the Chinese Jar Jar Binks comedy relief actor. Those actors were most likely willing to work for whatever reasonable wage and didn't argue. Willing to work up to 14 hours a day under a structure where accidental kicks and punches to faces were a regular occurrence. 

The trailer looks pretty good. 

In real life, any street fighting mentor can teach someone a few moves, give a few pointers. No street fighting mentor can teach someone to the level where they are winning competitions against opponents with more years of training and more years of actual sparring experience. 

News ticker. Video shows Swiss village flattened by glacial collapse. 

No video shows the Middle Class flattened by Trump tariffs. 

Covid. Flatten the curve. Flatten the middle class. 

Wtf. Own nothing, be happy. George Soros. Soros means lizard in Greek, hence the word dinosaur. David Icke, lizard people. In this case he has it right. Sort of. 

It's a crooked table slanted against us, the human species, the physics of this dimension, I've come up with the answers, I am entitled to an early reprieve. 

I fact, leave it to the Catholics to write an article online called, Why God Doesn't Always Give You An Early Reprieve. Clearly, as ever, the Catholics are two steps ahead. 

It is an ill wind that blows no one any good. Currencies get inflated and deflated. 

Angry at Vietnam after the war, the US refused to recognize the National currency of Vietnam and so therefore it has one of the lowest currency values in the World along with Iran, which is also on the US's sh*t-list. 

While what. Afghanistan, their Taliban generated currency is one of the highest currencies in the World with the Taliban being self installed as the National government and assuming power less than five years ago. 

The Euro, €, right off the hop was valued higher than the GBP, Great British Pound, £. 

Economics has always been a cat and mouse game between prices and wages as one perpetually tries to catch up with if not downright outdo each other. 

Very expensive to eat in Europe. A 23€ meal is over $50 Canadian! Pricey. 

Trump tariffs flatten the middle class. Only the most high quality, most largest companies survive. These companies can afford to them pay higher wages or else hire more people creating jobs that smaller companies can not. The clincher is the higher wages. 

Trump tariffs encourage Canadian companies to pay higher wages to offset the deleterious effects of the dreadful Trump tariffs so their employees can maintain a standard of living conducive to workplace efficiency. 

The download theory. All of this is really a one planck second download and we are parsing the informational data. This is what makes linear time, time travel, time dilation possible. 

It's all code. Time travel is time experienced on an objective level. Teleportation is space travel on an objective level. 

Just as it is all a one second download, in terms of size on one level it is all a Planck length. It is a cubic or spherical Planck lenghth. On that level, lengths and widths are less relevant. So therefore a Planck length is an interdimensional length that disregards length width, etc. It is so small that it has no length or width therefore it is an extraordinary unit of spacial measurement, almost ethereal, that transcends length and width etc 

Never mind speed of light travel, quantum superposition, quantum entanglement, two half of an electron responding between impossible distances simultaneously at even faster than the speed of light. Future teleportation machines wont use speed of light travel but technology connected to quantum entanglement. Future teleportation machines won't use Maxwell's equation but the Einstein-Rosen bridge using quantum superposition, quantum entanglement what Einstein called spooky action at a distance. 

This is what makes linear time and teleportation possible. 

Examples in this dimension include the story of video game cartridges. You first had the Atari 2600 cartridge that had room enough to hold one of those old style 8 bit video games. Then to make a long story short, Nintendo GBA carrridges are a lot smaller than Atari 2600 cartridges, and not only that, there is a Nintendo GBA cartridge that has 300 video games on it! 

A tape measure unit looks small. But once you stretch out the tape, you see that it holds a lot of tape. 

A map folded or rolled into a small scroll. Unfurl it and you can see that it is a large map. 

A reproductive cell is small, sperm and ovum. But each of these cells, tiny as they are, has a massive atomic bomb sized amount of genetic data. 

The one Planck length in another advanced paradigm which contains the University as a massive singularity download can be thought of as a unit of bubble memory. 

The one Planck length is size of the cartridge and the Universe is the data. There are partially overlapping Planck lengths that have concentrically smaller amounts of data than that of an entire Universe such as a planet, a human souls journey through a life on Earth, etc 

Distant planets, galaxies, galactic superclusters, look as small as a grain of sand anyways from a far enough distance. 

Concave, convex. Inside out, outside in. We are viewing the Planck length unit in another paradigm, from the inside out. 

Sure we have a lot Planck length units surrounding us, but in this telescoping Russian nesting doll Venn diagram structure or set up of interdimensional existence, that paradigm where our Universe is just a Planck length unit sized cluster of data, there are a lot of Plack length units surrounding them too but those Planck length units act differently because of the different accelerated set of physics in that advanced paradigm. In that paradigm, the Planck length pixels in this animated movie simulation theory usually referred to as interdimensional existence all changing instantaneously is the general rule. In this dimension, pixels shifting gradually and incrementally is the rule. 

Just as in that paradigm, linear time is a ghost and time travel is the rule. 

In this dimension, time travel is a ghost, as in jumping to a bunch of different random points in a book or while watching a movie while fast forwarding and rewinding it to see different plot points in the movie, while linear time is the is the rule. 

Just a theory and I have no University degree. 

"To see a world in a grain of sand 

And heaven in a wild flower

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand 

And eternity in an hour."

William Blake 

Friday, May 30, 2025 

The News said that a Chinese notary public who was killed in his office where he worked spoke three languages. Ha ha, this where it gets funny, the three languages in question are English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. See that doesn't count as three languages. 

A person can claim to speak five languages, the languages in question being English, Cantonese, Mandarin, Swatowese, and Toi Shan. That doesn't count as five languages, that still counts as two languages, one language and five sub group dialects within a certain language and in this case within a certain region, Southeast China. 

The Chinese notary, most likely situations

1. Unknown new in town anonymous meth user break and enter, was surprised, killed the notary and then fled into the large city that swallows people up as large cities do. 

2. On the other end of the scale from a drug user, there is the professional hitman from China. Flew back to China. 

3. Situation already dealt with on an extra judicial level. 

"This mission does not exist nor will it ever exist."  Apocalypse Now 

Due to the usual bureaucratic infighting and professional jealousies that foster a lack of transparency within the Byzantine compartmentalized division of labour within operational factions of the Police department, and the clandestine nature of classified operations necessary to create plausible deniability, it is uncertain as to whether or not the case will remain open indefinitely. The News never gives all the information. Such cases are usually addressed informally on an extra judicial level. Another whodunnit, what else is new? 

"I speak five languages. I speak English, Spanish, Basque, Andalusian and Catalonian."

"Wrong. That still counts as two languages." 

Lagazuoi Echoes of the Great War VR is definitely worth the money from the things I've seen in the app. It is a good companion app to World War One airplanes. 

The Lagazuoi front was located on the border between Italy and Switzerland and near Austria which Italy was fighting against in World War One but in World War Two Italy and Austria were allied. The app left me with a European vibe. I really felt like I was in Italy. 

To me The Western front being France is where the World War One mostly known about takes place. 

This morning, I had a dream where I saw whom I recognized Maria's parents. They were bending over the open trunk of a car. It was the furthest car away from me, the last car in a row of three cars of different colors parked in front of me on a field, sunny day, small mountains in the distance. My spirit guide was there, standing authoritatively near them. Maria's parents are dead. I can't tell you how many times I've had dreams where I saw people I once knew years and years ago who I didn't know are dead and my spirit guide was there as an authority to prevent me from getting closer to these people. "Don't you realize that you are looking at the faces of the dead?!!!" 

Maria's mother who had shoulder length dark hair, not a single white hair, was smiling a dimpled smile at me. Their left side was facing towards me. Her parents appeared really young, like in their mid thirties. 

In life Maria's mother didn't like me or any other guy who wanted to date Maria because not even the Pope would've been good enough for her. In the dream she was smiling at me. They looked so much like just regular people looking into the trunk of a car. Ghosts look so much like people or people look so much like ghosts. 

I walked on. There was a natural stone path. I did a butterfly kick over that, traversing it. 

Then I went up the stairs of a front porch of a large farmhouse made of small logs. 

I was thinking,  "I had an old life in Victoria BC but I am here now at this farm house. In nature. I could accept this new life. It doesn't seem stressful or unnatural that I am all of a sudden here. It feels so natural, smooth. 

Then I awoke from the dream, back to this backwater dimension with its backwater set of physics. 

Saturday, May 31, 2025 

Last night I saw Suzie in a dream. She appeared visibly older. Wrinkled, thinner. She was wearing a short sleeved white shirt with vertical orange stripes about one inch wide. I thought at once,  "You humiliated me. You made me lose face. I never want to see you ever again. I asked God if I could possibly never see you ever again." The I just walked away from her.

God damned sh*t bird forces of life. I could have seen one of a thousand people in a dream. Why did I have to see that person of all people? Yeesh. 

That's two dreams of Catholics two days in a row. What is this, Catholic Weekend in dreamland? 

It takes 80 milliseconds to register pain. It takes 13 milliseconds for the eye to see an identify an object. The passengers in the submersible Titan submarine died in just 1 millisecond!

There is a YouTube video of the wife of the founder and one of the passengers along with a few others in the room hearing a quick slight bang on the computer. When she heard that, they were already dead as sound only travels at a certain speed. 

This is a real game changer and pave the way for expensive death tourism. Even with hospital issued euthanasia chemicals or with China White heroin, it takes about seven to twenty minutes. 

As they say, you never know when you're going to die, it could be one millisecond later, let alone next week or before the year is over or within five or ten years. 

The soul is made of protons, neutrons, electrons and thus goes under the timing of PNE that work on Planck seconds, so God has a person's life timed right down to the last Planck second. 

I don't know that I'll make it to 60. I also don't know that I care. I envy those who are in the afterlife because I wish I could be in the afterlife dimension rather than this one. 

Since the two dimensions are like index finger and middle finger wound together tight, in the afterlife, one will see that life on Earth plane, dimension is very much a part of it, in fact, in the afterlife, one does an even deeper dive into this dimension as one can teleport, time travel and read minds. This dimension and its physics are a watered down, edgy parody of the afterlife dimension. 

Life in this dimension registers as planets resulting in a paradigm. 

The afterlife registers as a paradigm that results in planets. Edgar Cayce said that the afterlife is so much like this life that it brushes up against it behind a veil that had always be thinner than you realized. So much so that Edgar Cayce said that many people who died don't realize it at first. Cayce also mentioned that there are other planets and other dimensions. 

Since I've come up with better answers than most, I feel that God should give me an early reprieve if I request one and I do wish for an early reprieve because I fear my future and would rather skip it altogether. 

I might be single for life. Don't call it fate. Call it probability and statistics. 

It's an easy fix. China White overdose. Why don't I legally get the option? 

There is a video on YouTube: 'Edgar Cayce. What Happen When You Die In Your Sleep?'

I'll tell you, If I die in my sleep, I've won the lottery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It could be when I'm 95. 

What you call now is already in the past as it takes the eye 13 milliseconds to identify an object. 

The new upcoming Meta Quest Plus releases for June don't look good. World War Two Airplane which I already have. And Mimic Bot; which looks like shot. Ww1 is more fun than WW2 airplanes VR. 

There are two stone planters that look like champagne flutes in front of the Courthouse. The plants in those planters died. I was thinking of going to a plant nursery and getting hydrangeas. Although tough and low maintenance, they require regular watering. The best time is early Spring or late fall to move them from one place to another. Summer is too hot dry and stressful, like having sex with an old woman. 

A juniper plant looks good as well. 

Pricey and seems too stressful. I should look for a very small sapling of a coniferous tree and move that to the Courthouse stone planters. The ideal would be hedges trimmed to look like upward arcing conical topiary conch shells. Sure. I'm not that good at gardening! I'll talk to someone in the area who might know. 

The sapling must be a perfect size, not too large or too small. Should I go with a coniferous tree or a deciduous tree? Perhaps deciduous trees because Courthouses are decisive places. 

There has been a forest fire in Flin Flon, Manitoba for over a week. 

Thousand evacuated. 

It was then not even the end of May when the forest fire started. Which leaves me wondering what the summer will look like. 

It is an ill wind that blows no one any good. 

Forest fires are automatic insurance payouts especially if tied to a government based insurance company like ICBC The government itself is legally required under such circumstances to print as money as it takes or to punch in as many zeroes on the computer as it takes to remedy the situation. Since the gold standard was knocked out decades ago, the Canadian Mint can generate as much nouveau culture Fred Flintstone neanderthal thuggish backwater money as it wants without any commodities linked fiscal accountability. 

This is what is going to get Canada through the Trump tariffs. I realize that is is an incendiary approach. 

A VR narrative history app called Vajont which Fast Lawyer recommended is about a landslide in Italy which I never heard of before yesterday when I first seen the meta quest apps marketplace display for the app. The whole story takes place in one room while hearing the story of the disaster. Albeit one beautifully rendered room. Strong Old World vibes. I didn't get the app because of the price although I would like to experience that wonderful room. 

A woman dresses in black is seen walking through the windows and then she appears at the door. Deathly. Spectral. But then a lot of people have died in that disaster. 

I opted to purchase instead History of a Painting which tells the story of an artist named Artimisia Something. A YouTube video said the app has a painting called The Accusation of Susannah which reminded me of my dream of Suzie that I had last night. 

"I just remembered. That I had a few words with my clerk, Bob Cratchitt." Scrooge 

I had to get the app. The app shows a medieval Courtroom and since I work at the Courthouse. It was worth the money. 

 

The News said that Russians are trying to erase the Ukrainian language and cultural identity and heritage. I doubt it. This is the most rueful and ham handed pretense at scrounging money I've ever seen. 

There are thousands if not millions of websites and videos online in the Ukrainian language. It's not like the old days, where there were no visual or audio hard copies of that language. 

Strange. In the old days there were way less people on the Earth but also way more languages on the planet a lot of which have gone extinct. 

A person can speak Ukrainian anywhere outside of and within Ukraine. This also goes for Russia which allows people to speak all kinds of languages if they are otherwise loyal to the government. 

At 49th and Cambie in Vancouver, at a TD Bank building, a man assaults a 58 year old woman, then he sexually assaults a 14 year old girl in a washroom and then he robs the TD Bank downstairs. 

What did he have against that building?!  What did that building do to him?! 

Sentencing will most likely include a ban from that building. For life. If that building one day gets torn down and a new building is there, he's banned from that building too. It's called vertical learning. 

In baseball, that's known as a triple play. That level of criminality required a level of zeal, focus and purity of vision not often seen. 

Hope Street mentioned the ANPR. Automated National Police Registry.

When a vehicle is purchased, the vehicle's RFID radio frequency identification tracking number must legally be forwarded to the Police database. GPS satellites can then find the vehicle anywhere. 

The internet of things. Anything, a television, a refrigerator, cell phone, electric skateboard, MP3 player, etc Its RFID can be scooped and the Police can follow a person anywhere. 

Vajont is the VR answer to the movie Here. It all takes place in one room. The kitchen and dining room all in one. October 1963. Time travel is objective in the instantaneous download, I could be in 1963 for awhile. The details looked so real that I was thinking, If I was in Italy in 1963, I'd try to get a plane and go to Hong Kong to look for my mother. Hopefully she wasn't living in the walled city. A lot of people, especially the poor lived in the walled city. The apartments were very affordable. 

The app was a choose your own story app. I chose to escape the first time. 

The story is, the wife, does she choose to say with her stubborn husband and die or leave to save herself. If it were Heather, would I have stayed with her or escape to save myself. I would have escaped. Or stay in an effort to save her at the last minute which would turn out to fail. I'm going to try the stay option. It won't look good. I'm imagining the entire room submerged in water. Swamped. 

Vajont is the story of a hydroelectric dam collapse and flooding which killed about 1900 people. Awful. 

In the app History of a Painting and in the app Vajont, the player takes on the role of a woman. In the app Vajont, look down and the entire body is there as well, wearing a nice blue dress. I tried to lift the breasts with my hands and to pull the skirt up to get a little bit of upskirt action because that's what any woman wearing a dress would do. Or would they? Neither worked. What do you expect, it's only a $7 app. 

To get more realism and to eliminate the fourth wall, try the app in Italian so as to get the expat experience. 

Vajont echoes what is going on in Manitoba now with the evacuations. Some might opt to stay and die in the forest fire. Firefighters would emphasize that staying is not a legal option. Or is it? Would it be like being legally able to refuse medication? 

What level is the forest fire? Four alarm? Five alarm? 

Weird parallel coincidence. 

I had a dream of two Catholic women two days in a row. 

And I got two apps in a row where in each app, the player takes on the role of a Catholic woman. The apps were made in and set in Italy. Or what would those women be? Protestant? Buddhist? In 1963? Probably not. 

Half Life Alyx, Lucy Liu The Pirate Queen. The player takes on the role of a female protagonist. Just ignore it. Who cares? It's still a vary good app. 

Don't get Vajont. Even after uninstalling, it automatically reinstalls whether you want it to or not. I had to request and got a refund. That's the only way. 

I wanted to see the other ending where the lady stays and dies but that would have cancelled the refund. The game lasts about ten minutes and has to be seen all the way through. No skipping to chapters. Using an app for more than 15 minutes cancels the refund. 

Things worked out for the best. This is a sign of God's protection. 

I thought of a costume for the gay and lesbian parade and for Halloween as well. My blonde wing, a blue sweater and blue frame sunglasses to go with that and red lipstick. Neutral blue, not navy blue or powder blue. 

Jeff King of CHEK 6 News wore a red sweater, red frame sunglasses, red lipstick and a blonde wig which is where I got the idea. 

I'm not ready to take it to the level of red sweater and red frame sunglasses and I doubt that I would even ever want to be. 

I have not as of yet obtained a blue sweater nor the matching blue frame sunglasses. Nor the lipstick either which I don't want to pay more than $5 for. 

A woman should demonstrate Shakti which means female martial power. A woman should be able to do at least some gymnastics and parkour efficiently. That's what I would teach my daughter. Do gymnastics and parkour to the level of Tron future warrior. 

I would of course retain my facial hair because for me to wear a blonde wig and lipstick and sunglasses and sweater without facial hair would be unimaginable to me. 

I tried Ghost Town VR for free. Otherwise it's $41 not including taxes. Spectacular. London Theatre stage. Then on board a boat experience better than A Fisherman's Tale. The closest thing to being on the St Roch, RCMP. Then some MacGuffin which I really couldn't figure out at all. More escape room BS. 

About to try Foundation for free based on the Asimov novel which I never read at all. Hopefully it isn't Ayn Rand's Foundation otherwise, well, I could try something like that. 

Why not? 

Ayn Rand Foundation, Howard Roark the bohemian Gothic architect. Peter Keating, the bourgeois Baroque architect. I don't know how good of a VR app that would be. 

Not Foundation, The Fountain head. 

Howard Roark = Frank Lloyd Wright